More Therapy Shiz

Alexithymiaa: (You look like a unicorn)
Covet: [I know it's amazing! Lol Well now I don't but.. Yes I did]
Tsaaq: Hayley waited outside of the facility for Adam since I'm guessing she walked there from the OCH to clear her head or something. Her eyes on her cellphone as she watched time pass.
Alexithymiaa: -Pulling his truck into the parking lot of the facility, Adam killed the engine and just sat for a moment, recalling last week's session in therapy with no amusement because this kind of sucked. Mustering up his energy, he shoved open the door and slipped out of his vehicle, jamming his hands down into his pockets as he made his way to the front doors, seeing Hayley standing outside. "Hey. You didn't want to go in?"-
Covet: Dr. Ferguson was sitting at her desk waiting patiently for Adam and Hayley to show up. She was hoping they could make some headway with their session from last week. They had just started to scratch the surface when they had to wrap up.
Tsaaq: "Of course I want to go in." Hayley replied as she began to walk in. She went to sign in, giving the receptionist a nod before she went up the stairs. "Besides... Maybe I won't be so depressed if I do this more often."
Alexithymiaa: -Adam nodded silently and followed her inside, signing in as well behind her before turning to walk to Dr. Ferguson's office up the stairs. "It can only help, right? I think it'll at least give you a better understanding of yourself." Stopping outside the office door, he lifted his hand to knock.-
Covet: Looking up she saw Adam and Hayley standing outside. She sat up a little straighter and gave a smile, giving them a soft welcoming smile as she waited patiently for them.
Tsaaq: She shrugged her shoulders. "I guess it helps me understand..." She lied as she trailed off. She waved at at Dr. Ferguson instead of verbally then plopped into her seat in front of the older female's desk.
Alexithymiaa: -Stepping inside the office, Adam took the opposite chair of Hayley, folding his hands in his lap and looking at the doc. "How are you, Dr. Ferguson?"-
Covet: "Good evening, Adam. Hayley." She said softly as they came in, "Make yourselves comfortable, I'm doing very well thank you for asking. How did your weekend fair? I know we ended earlier that I would have liked, but I hope that you both are doing well?"
Tsaaq: "Yeah I'm fine." She replied quietly as she pouted her lips. "Yeah our weekend was fine. I think. Nothing too crazy." She answered with a slight raise of her shoulders.
Alexithymiaa: -Adam sighed at Hayley's lack of volunteering information before turning back to the doc. "A couple of our good friends got engaged, actually. It was nice. They invited their close friends and family over for a dinner, and he proposed."-
Covet: "Congratulations to them, I'm sure that was exciting to see, and nice of them to invite you guys along." She said with a smiled, noticing Adam's sigh and Hayley's witholding. " I take it's not something that set well with you Hayley?"
Tsaaq: Hayley scoffed as her eyes widened. "I don't know why everybody assumes I'm not happy with it. Bliss and Eli are an amazing couple. This was bound to happen. That was obviously the next step. If you're in love and you're happy with someone that's what you do." She scoffed as she rolled her eyes.
Alexithymiaa: -Adam slowly turned his head to look over at Hayley, feeling the edge in her voice from a mile away. "Why do your words not really match your tone?"-
Covet: "Going back on what you've said before, about how everyone else around you is are in these happy relationships. I can imagine that only reaffirmed your beliefs that you aren't allowed to feel happy? Yes?"
Tsaaq: "Because that's fucking annoying. Why is it everyone automatically assumes I don't like that they're getting married. That's great. Bliss is super lucky." She sighed exasperatedly at him. "Well yeah. I've never had anything like that. I'm not mad at her for it though. People deserve that kind of love." She nodded. "She gets to have a boyfriend who's always affectionate and basically tries to out-do himself all the time with each romantic gesture like it's pretty amazing. Like, he makes love to her and I walked in on it once and they literally didn't stop. It's like nothing else in the world mattered but each other. It's beautiful." She paused before looking over to him once more. "So NO. Adam. I'm not mad that they're engaged. What they have is very special."
Alexithymiaa: -His eyes dropped more and more as she rambled on, feeling the heat creep up the back of his neck until he spoke in a small voice. "I didn't say you were mad they were engaged...."-
Covet: "If I might interject here, It seems like you're upset at Adam, and part of what you stated is projecting that anger towards him. Are you upset that you don't have something like that in your life currently?" She asked furrowing her brow trying to glean a better understanding where her emotions were coming from.
Tsaaq: She sputtered her lips and crossed her arms over her chest. "I'm not upset at him. He didn't do anything wrong." Hayley muttered. "I don't know. Who cares? If I did it'd be ruined anyways so honestly? I can't really be all that upset about it."
Alexithymiaa: "Well it kind of sounds like you're upset with me and I did something wrong. I'm sorry we don't have Eli and Bliss' relationship, but we're not Eli and Bliss. We're different people with different experiences and the two of us will never be just like the two of them. And it's a little unrealistic to compare us to them." He spoke a little shortly, on the defensive.-
Covet: Hayley, you're part of the people that deserve that kind of love, but you've got to stop comparing yourself to everyone else. I know it's difficult to do, especially when you blame yourself for not being able to achieve that sort of relationship.  Adam has a point here, that you two aren't them. That doesn't mean you can't emulate them, but to hold everyone including yourself to those standards instead of being yourself, is only setting yourself up for heartbreak.
Covet: *""
Tsaaq: "Okay." She whispered to Adam then nodded her head before directing her gaze to the floor. "Yeah." Hayley agreed with Dr. Ferguson before falling silent.
Alexithymiaa: -Adam stared into his lap for a long and awkward bout of silence, chewing on the inside of his cheek. "Would you prefer it if I were just like Eli?"-
Covet: Dr. Ferguson looked over at Hayley, wondering what her response woule be.
Tsaaq: She shrugged her shoulders before shaking her head. "No, cause then you wouldn't be you and I wouldn't love you or whatever. I always figured it was a 'the grass looks greener on the other side' thing." Hayley replied. "All that stuff seems nice to have but you don't really want to do it so it's okay."
Alexithymiaa: "I don't want to do it?" He repeated, twisting in his seat so he could look at her. "I think you've pushed the things I've done for you out of your mind and only focused on the things I haven't done for you and that doesn't feel very fair. You say Eli does all these romantic things for Bliss like I don't do anything for you..."-
Covet: "Do you feel like something is missing in your relationship with Adam?" She asked Hayley, then looked at Adam, "The same question applies to you, as well. Do you feel like something is missing in your relationship with Hayley?
Tsaaq: "I don't think it's just the relationship with Adam. I thinkit's just my life in general." She said with her eyes glued to the floor.
Alexithymiaa: "I only think there's something missing in our relationship when I'm reminded that she's unhappy. I just can't pinpoint exactly what it is that is supposedly missing from our relationship because I'm fairly happy with things the way they are." He shrugged, fiddling with his fingers uncomfortably in his lap.-
Covet: "Okay, what would you say is missing in your life in general then?" She asked changing up the wording directing that at Hayley before she looked at Adam listening to him, then added to her question to Hayley, " Do you feel like there is more that Adam could do?"
Tsaaq: She shook her head. "No." She answered quickly. "My happiness is not his responsibility it's mine." She said. "I'm just generally unhappy. And what's missing in my life? I don't know? Hope? A reason to want to stay alive? A reason to want to get up in the morning? Something that makes me feel like everything is okay?"
Alexithymiaa: -He slowly lowered his eyes to his lap again, her words stinging his ears as he fell silent.-
Covet: "And even though you have Adam, he doesn't give you that hope or reason, that comfort and stability?" Dr. Ferguson asked trying to nail down what was bothering her. She noticed Adam getting silent, "Adam, you've gotten quiet, how does Hayley's words make you feel?"
Tsaaq: She looked over to Adam and sighed. "I'm not saying he doesn't. It's just..." She trailed off. "I feel like this isn't going to be long term like I want it to be." She sighed. "Adam doesn't want to have sex, and at first I was upset and confused about it. Then I realized maybe I don't want anybody touching me cause I'll feel gross..." She trailed off. "Now it's just like I've settled into this idea that I'm just stuck and what happens defines every little thing in my life. And that's not his job. To fix me or whatever. Which is why I don't really place blame on his shoulders. It's me." She shrugged. "He helps me as best as he can and I do love that about him. But some days it isn't enough."
Tsaaq: ((what happened*** defines.))
Alexithymiaa: "I... I don't know." He stammered a bit, trying to collect his thoughts. "I think I've resented a few of the remarks she's made about other people's sexual relationships and the fact that it's not something we share. She makes me feel a little like there's something wrong with me for not wanting to have sex with her..."-
Covet: Dr. Ferguson pursed her lips and looked between the two of them. "First, Hayley you're not gross. The only person letting the terrible things that have happened to you, define you, is you. You're letting them and the fear of being alone get into your head and hold you back. You're a strong, beautiful young woman, to come through what you have, and still be here." She looked over at Adam, "Do you want to have sex with someone besides Hayley? Or is this something that has to do with her situation specifically." "
Tsaaq: She furrowed her eyerows angrily. "Excuse me?" She asked, narrowing her eyes at Dr. Ferguson. "I'm holding myself back? No, it has nothing to do with my fucking rapists or anything." Hayley said curtly and lowered her head indignantly.  "No. He just doesn't want to. At all." She answered, her leg bouncing. "And I'm sorry if that's how I make you feel." She told Adam softly before just not talking all together from the anger still stewing inside her.
Alexithymiaa: "No. I don't want to have sex with anyone. It has nothing to do with Hayley or her situation. I didn't want to have sex with my previous girlfriend either, and I didn't. I just... don't. It's not something I ever think about. People talk about it like it's something they cant live without and I can't really wrap my head around that."-
Covet: "Hayley, I'm not saying your rapists aren't to blame. They've definitely had an impact on you and your life. But you're living in limbo where you feel like you aren't allowed to acomplish your own happiness, like your rapists are the ones still forcing you to be there.  But, they aren't. Don't continue to give them that kind of power. You' are  allowed to be happy, and be reckless about it, to a certain extent. Do you feel like your happiness and this feeling of being incomplete has to do with not having sex?"  She looked at Adam and took a deep breath. "Have you always felt this way? Even after trying?"
Tsaaq: She sighed and shook her head. "No." She replied. "The last time I had sex and I actually enjoyed it? It was with my ex and then he left. So I'm pretty sure that isn't the answer to my problems.
Tsaaq: ((Nooo enter button why.))
Tsaaq: She sighed and shook her head. "No." She replied. "The last time I had sex and I actually enjoyed it? It was with my ex and then he left. So I'm pretty sure that isn't the answer to my problems." She kept her arms crossed over her chest, not looking up.
Alexithymiaa: -He lifted his hand to scratch at the back of his neck, nodding slowly. "Well, yeah. I only ever had sex with my high school girlfriend. And it made me uncomfortable so we only did it a few times before I told her I didnt want to anymore. It was very much something I just sort of did for her, not because I wanted to.
Alexithymiaa: "
Covet: "I'm glad you see that Sex isn't an answer to happiness, but would you feel like you would be happier if you had a healthy sex life?  It's important to have a healthy sex life, if it's something you are into. That being said, as a Psychologist, I have to openly say that not everyone is going to be into sex. It's not that there is anything wrong with them, it's just their sexuality."  She said taking a deep breath. "It's again that time where we're at the end of our session, and I don't like that you two seem to be at a point of frustration with each other. I don't want you leaving here feeling that, so I want you to know that you both are different, and you have different needs. There's nothing wrong with that. There's nothing wrong with either of you because of these needs. It's just gotten lost in communication along the way. We'll figure that out together." She said then added, "What day works best for you both for our next session? Would you like it together again, or would you like to add something sepperate as well?"
Tsaaq: Hayley sighed again. She shook her head a moment then sputtered her lips. "Uh... I don't know. Anytime is a good time. Don't care if it's solo or the both of us." She whispered.
Alexithymiaa: -He glanced over at Hayley and then back to Dr. Ferguson, trying to figure out at what point him coming along to support Hayley turned into having an equal part in this therapy. "Yeah, I'm kind of free. Usually I work Monday nights though so maybe like... Tuesday or something?" He asked.-
Covet: "I can do Tuesday so we're not messing up your work schedule. If you're both okay being here at the same time, we can continue that. If you'd like to schedule a seperate time with me as well, You both have my number and We'll work it out. In the mean time. I would like to send you home with a little reading material, Adam" She said reaching into her desk draw to pull out a manilla envelope packet that had some information on Asexuality, handing it over to Adam. "I think that might help you out a little. Maybe share it with Hayley if you find it's something you relate to."
Tsaaq: She nodded her head as she stood up. "Yeah okay. See you." Hayley said dismissively, walking out as soon as they agreed on the appointment. She began to walk out of the room and went down the steps slowly, holding onto the banister.
Alexithymiaa: -He reached his hand out to take the envelope from her, looking down at it briefly before nodding. "Okay. We'll see you next week." Forcing a smile onto his face, he pushed up from the chair and turned to exit her office, moving down the stairs behind Hayley to make his way outside. "I guess I have homework before next week..." He spoke in a small voice, heading toward his truck.-
Tsaaq: "Well I'm glad you're getting something out of this." Hayley said gently before going to push the door open for the exit, looking around in the darkness. She turned to Adam and sighed a little. "I think I'm just gonna walk home... Or I wanted to." She frowned, realizing how dangerous that probably would be. "Nevermind." She muttered, moving towards the parking lot where his truck was.
Alexithymiaa: "Okay..." He spoke in a small voice, pulling his keys from his pocket to unlock the doors before climbing inside so they could head back to OCH.-