1. in general the writing could use some editing, i feel? at times descriptions and events feel like they could have been worded better, dialogue between characters could be trimmed down bc they repeat the same things sometimes, and generally the flow of things gets a little awkward and could use some work. i understand that english isn't nights' first language and i assume that's where my nitpicks come from. after all english is fuckin hard to word properly and its flow is... weird. i think this'll get better as the comic goes on.

2. the tone of the dialogue/narration feels inconsistent. so bear with me here. i don't know if any of you read eph's comic that he did at sva (if you haven't, you should). the important thing is that in his original layout he made one of the characters say "shit", and i think that was the only curse used. one of the teachers advised that he cut the word out, as the teacher had up until that point gotten the impression that the story was... not *for kids* per se, but an all-ages action adventure kind of affair. i feel the same way with regards to oceanfalls sometimes. to me, the tone of the story was that same kind of action adventure that could get (and did get) dark at points, but at the end of the day the dialogue wouldn't be as mature in that regard? so then to see "fuck" be thrown around a lot felt like it didn't really fit, especially with these characters. homestuck's use of coarse language was kind of engrained in it because from the get go it felt clear that that kind of humor was how hussie rolled. ocf didn't feel that way initially, it had more of that video game action adventure feel, so to see the dialogue not really fit with that expectation was jarring

3. pacing at some points was a little off, but where it was most noticeable to me was red tulip town. i kind of wish more time was spent showing kotori's potential interactions with aria and nino post-entry into the town, so that kotori's subsequent betrayal of aria would hurt more. as is, they have that initial fight on the bridge, and then we don't really see kotori again (besides in her convo with suvi) until she confronts aria. i just felt it would definitely have been nice to get some development on that front i guess, because that group dynamic felt very interesting and i was kind of hoping to see more of it before it got cut short.