HappyLichAnon vs the World: Chapter 1

>You are Anonymous the Lich.
>And your Unlife is pretty good right now.
>All is right in Equestria by your design.
>Your planning skills haven’t gone to waste. Where once you orchestrated corruption and downfall, now you only bring peace and happiness to your ponies.
>The next recipient of your benevolence is Rarity. She will meet that blue earth pony, who will coincidentally have enough confidence to ask her out on a date. She will accept, and the rest shall be history.
>Just thinking about it makes your phylactery glow with a long forgotten emotion – happiness.
>He should be approaching her any day now.
>However a week passes and neither hide nor hair of Blues has been seen around town.
>Rarity has been getting down about it. Her friends have flocked to her aid.
>”It just wasn’t meant to be.” Twilight said. “He obviously didn’t care about you much if he lead you along like that.”
>”I just don’t know what I did wrong! I thought I read all the signs! He was always so generous to me. He even helped pull the carriage when we went to the gala!” Rarity cried.
>You are privy to this conversation because you have taken it upon yourself to get to the bottom of this. And to do so, you have come to the spa with Twilight, Fluttershy and Rarity.
>It seemed like the best thing to do to cheer the white unicorn up.
>Plus, a good bone scrub doesn’t go amiss.
>What, can’t a skeleton make sure he looks pretty?
>”You know, I haven’t seen him for a while now. I don’t think anyp0ny has. I hope he’s ok.” Fluttershy pipes up.
“I’ll go ask Lucky after we’re done here.”
>”Good idea, Anon. You’re loved by everyp0ny. I’m sure you’ll find out where he is.”
>Yes, of course.
>Bad_pokerface.bmp
>”Ooh mishter Anon, your skull is just sho shmooth! It’s shimply luxuuuuurious!” Aloe chimes, giving you a skull rub.
<At least somebody can appreciate the effort you go through, communing with various dark entities in order to keep your skeleton nice and bleached.
“Why thank you, my dear. It’s really no trouble. Once you die, I’ll make sure to keep your skeleton as pristine as mine.”
>Wait, what did you just say?
>REALLY_bad_pokerface.jpg
>It’s a good thing you don’t actually have facial expressions, otherwise this would be very awkward.
>Anyway, the spa session ends soon enough, and you’re let loose on the streets of P0nyville, eager to solve this mystery.
>With a swag in your step, you set out searching for Blues’ best friend, Lucky.
>The two are roommates in a house next to one of P0nyville’s bar/nightclubs; The Prancing Pony.
>You swagger forth, casting a veil of shadow to shield you from the midday sun and hastening you towards your destination.
>You knock resolutely on the door.
>”Go away. He’s not here.” An irish male voice calls out.
“Lucky. It’s me, Anon.”
>The door cracks open and a rather dishevelled grey earth pony sticks his eye to the portal.
>”A-anon? It’s you! You’ve gotta help me!” Panic fills his every word.
“Lucky, what’s wrong? Let me in so we can talk.”
>”N-no! She’s out there! I’m hiding from her! You can’t be safe from her! She follows you everywhere!”
“Lucky, hold on. I can fix whatever it is you’re worried about.”
>This isn’t an exaggeration. Through the various dark contracts you have entered, you are pretty confident you can solve whatever problem is haunting lucky.
>”NO! SHE’S HERE!”
>With that he slams the door in your face, sending your skull spinning around a few times.
>You grab it to stop it spinning, but unfortunately it now faces backwards.
>This is quite fortuitous though, as now you can look at what Lucky was so afraid of.
>The flower girls are manning their stall. Applejack is selling apples. Rainbow Dash is on her cloud over the fountain in the town square, and Rarity is being welcomed to Sugarcube corner by Pinkie Pie, and accompanied by Fluttershy.
>Apart from the sad look on the white unicorn’s face, there’s nothing wrong with this scene. Just a typical day in Ponyville.
>You realign your skull, and decide that the only way to get some sense out of Lucky is to meet with him face to face.
>Looking around, you make sure nopony is looking before slinking into the alley next to his house.
>It is dark and shadowy, and perfect for your purposes.
>You gather the dark energies at your fingertips and direct them at your person.
>Stepping into one of the shadows, you meld into it in a cloud of oily black smoke.
>This allows you to traverse the nether. While most would not dare traverse this plane with its demonic denizens, you have no fear of them. They are not stupid enough to challenge you.
>You move through the shadows to a location in Lucky’s house.
>You step out of his dark closet and into his hallway.
>You hear manic babbling coming from the living room.
>”He’s gone now. It’s just me. I don’t think she saw me. Better safe than sorry.”
“Lucky?”
>You hear a clatter come from the living room. You obviously shocked Lucky.
>”Anon?!”
>You open the door to the living room. What awaits you is not a pretty sight.
>The house is a mess. The curtains are closed. It looks like nobody has really been taking care of it.
>Staring up at you with terror in his eyes is Lucky, who is lying on the couch.
>”HOW DID YOU GET IN HERE?” He shouts at you.
“Lucky you don’t want to know, and it’s not important. What is important is what is bothering you. Where’s Blues?”
>At the mention of his best friend’s name his pupils shrink down to pinpricks.
>”NO. He’s gone now. She got him. I saw it. I don’t want to end up like him. Not like that. Not as cupcakes!”
“Lucky, who is ‘She’?”
>”The one from the cake shop! That... THAT WHORE. She seduced him then got him to go into the basement... I saw it all!”
>Needless to say, this is not normal behaviour for the usually laid back earth p0ny.
>He must have seen something really bad.
>After his outburst he devolves to a gibbering wreck.
>He keeps muttering about cakes and a “big night out.”
>You think you should report these clues about Blues to Twilight. No use in keeping this all to yourself. She’s a smart unicorn, she may be able to help figure this out.
>However, you have gained one lead on Blues’ location: Sugarcube Corner.
>First stop, though: Twilight’s library.
>You hate to leave Lucky like this, but it’s clear he isn’t going to be of much use to you anymore.
>When you find whoever did this to one of your little p0nies...
>They’re going to wish they were dead.
>Then you’re going to make them wish they were alive.
>You phase back into the shadows and appear in the alley again.
>As you materialise you see a glimpse of pink slink around the corner of Lucky’s house into the alley connecting the shops behind it.
>You mutter an incantation and levitate, allowing you to speed towards your target.
>As you round the corner you find...
>Mrs Cake.
>Her pink mane and tail are obvious now against her blue body.
>But why was she spying on Lucky?
>She’s doing her best to ignore you, talking with the owner of The Prancing P0ny.
>”So Mrs Cake, if you can deliver those 50 new cupcakes tonight, I’ll pay you 50% of the earnings we get from them. It seems p0nies just can’t get enough of your special ingredient!”
>”Oh dearie, call me Cup. Between two businessp0nies like us, we can afford to be on informal terms.”
>”Oh, very well then. But when are you going to tell me your special recipe?”
>”We can’t go giving out our secrets like that! Can we dearie?”
>Mrs Cake turns her gaze around to her husband, who is in the alley moving boxes into Sugarcube Corner’s basement, which is 5 doors down from Lucky’s house.
“Good afternoon Mrs Cake.” You approach her, your witchfire eyes giving no hints about the growing rage hidden behind them. If she’s done anything to one of your little ponies...
>She of course, can only interpret this as your usual “friendly” self, and greets you cordially.
>”Oh hallo Anon! Fancy seeing you here.”
“Mrs Cake if it’s alright with you, I have a few questions about Blues. Have you seen him recently?”
>Her look of shock betrays any verbal answer she could have given. She knows something.
>”Blues? Why do you ask?”
“You haven’t answered my question, Mrs Cake.”
>She’s sweating now. You’ve hardly said anything, and she can’t bear the heat.
>The tension is interrupted by the owner of The Prancing P0ny excusing himself.
>”Uh... Looks like you two have some important business to discuss. I’ve got to get the club set up for tonight. See you later, Cup!”
>”Oh, uh... Yes, see you later, dearie!” She turns back to you, “Now what were we talking about? Cupcakes? Did you want some?”
>Mrs Cake is NOT old enough to be that forgetful.
“No, Mrs Cake, thank you. I’m fairly certain I’ve told you before that I don’t eat. Now, back onto the topic of Blues...”
>”Oh dear, is that Carrot calling me? I’ve got to go, dearie. See you later!”
>With that, she waddles as fast as she can to the back entrance of Sugarcube Corner and locks the door.
>You’ll have to grill her another time. You guess it’s time to head to Twilight’s. Maybe she’s got some info that you could use.
>Off to Twilight’s then.
>You arrive late afternoon. Knock on the door. Spike opens up. You’re welcomed in.
>Seems like Twilight is balls deep in [spoiler]studying[/spoiler]
>She’s catching up after spending her study time in the spa with Rarity.
“Twilight, I-“
>”Anon?! I really can’t be interrupted! I need to study this treatise on friendship!”
“Twilight, I’m afraid I have some bad news. I fear there may be some foul play going about in town.”
>”This isn’t anything to do with Blues, is it? That stallion has caused nothing but trouble for Rarity, and I want nothing to do with him.”
“He’s dead, Twilight.”
>”Wha- What?!” At this revelation, she finally puts down her book and turns to you.