Slipstream's lament

>"So why did you keep calling me?"
>"It wasn't me, you humans have faulty audio receptors."
>"Well, whoever it was, she sure sucked at mocking."
>"DON'T YOU DARE MOCK MY--"
>"It was you."
>"Fine, there's no use for playing dumb, I guess for a human you aren't all that stupid."
>"So why did you call?"
>"I just picked a human out of billions, don't feel special. I thought it would be a fun time-killer to focus on harassing one of you."
>"It sure was inconvenient."
>"Then I was successful. My pettiness knows no bounds."
>"But I appreciate it."
>"YOU APPRECIATE IT? What is there to appreciate, stupid human?!"
>"I could tell. You honestly wanted to know how I was doing."
>"Of course I would, you humans do the same with your entertainment. You want updates for every pointless thing, just like you are."
>"I'm sure being pointless being up here with you."
>"......You are such a smartass, Anon."
>"Did you-?"
>"I DID NOT."
>"You are pretty cool for a Decepticon."
>"And you aren't a complete waste of valuable resources, fleshling."
>"...You are cute."
>"----! Say what again?!"

>"I. am. not. cute. Say it again and I'll throw you out and into a 30,000 ft. drop."
>"Cu.."
>*cockpit opening sounds**fwoooooooooosh*
>"ALRIGHT I GET IT"
>*cockpit closing sounds*
>"Good. Nice that it got through that thick skull of yours."
>"So, my master, if I want to praise you, what should I call you?"
>"!?" "You...are actually being serious and...not trying to get on my nerves, huh? It's fine, Anon, you don't have to do this for me. I--"
>"Come on, let's have some fun."
>*slight smile that gradually turns into a smirk* "Well then, insect, you may call me your queen, or mighty and perhaps even...[cute], but just sporadically."
>"Yes, my queen."
>"Excellent." ("Slipstream, this is the most idiotic thing you've ever done but so far it's going nicely. Drop it and just...talk to him.")
>"Cut it out for a bit. Anon, is it true? Did you really appreciate my calls?"
>"They were annoying at first, but I don't know, there was something...genuine about them. Any other guy wouldn't have answered them, but well, I'm not like most guys, I guess."
>"Why do you say that?"
>"I wanted to take the risk, what if it wasn't a scam and it really was someone trying to stir up some conversation. I must admit, you calling at inappropriate times became charming after a while."
>"But I did mock you."
>"Yes, interspersed between questions about how well was my day going, you even managed to ocassionally drop some words of encouragement. That's not how pranks work, well, not after you call the dude 100 times and he keeps answering."
>"That's true, perhaps I lucked out. You always answered, even I found that odd."
>"Why didn't you tell me you were a Transformer? You did make a convincing human on the phone, were you practicing conversation skills on me?"
>"Em." ("Well, this is embarrassing.")

>"Anon, be realistic. Who would be interested in a Transformer? And even then, everyone would just have thought I was just some crazy lady."
>"So you pretended to be a human?"
>"Well, yes. Did I do a good job?"
>"From experience, some people act more like robots than what you could have possibly acted like, so yes. You did."
>*smiles*
>"You know I can't tell since you are currently a plane but from this silence I guess you are happy"
>"Don't push your luck, you know I can still drop you."
>"Harsh."
>("I would catch you, though. Slag, what am I saying?")
>"Hey, could you...land somewhere? I didn't get to see you that closely before you picked me up and put me inside your cockpit."
>"Sure, I'll...Wait, you are trying to escape. Did all that talk was just for me to let you go? Did you think you could outsmart such a cunning Decepticon like me? Humph."
>"Oh, I've been found out, forgive me my captor, I must have known such a trick wouldn't work on a Decepticon with such guile."
>"Alright, that was too much, it sounded like sarcasm."
>"I'm sorry."
>("He's cute. *sigh* I'll honor him, I seriously hope he doesn't escape.")
>"But I DO need to make an emergency landing, that place over there looks deserted enough so you won't try any trick or be able to call for help. Looks like you got lucky, fleshling."
>"Heh, heh, nice."
>"You'll soon marvel your eyes at what a true Cybertronian war machine looks like. Doesn't that get you excited?"
>"I can't wait."
>("I'm gonna blow you away.")

>"We have arrived, don't get any ideas, human. You can get out now, CAREFULLY."
>"For a jet, you have a very nice finish."
>"No touching!"
>"Your jet form is nice to look at, I really like your colors."
>("Aww, thank you, Anon.") "It is to be expected for such an inferior race to stand in awe at such superiority."
>"You are cute."
>"I'll drop it. I really appreciate the compliment, Anon. Now for what we are here, you'll presence the full might of my form before your eyes."
>*transforming noises*
>"Well, here I am, how do you like it?"
>"You are really something else. Can I see your face more closely?"
>"Like this?"
>"Say something."
>"Umm...Decepticons forever."
>*smiles* "How do you do it? When you talk, it's like liquid metal but it's actually solid."
>"I don't know, that's the face I've always had. Is that so striking to you?"
>"Yeah."
>*grimaces, smiles, sticks her tongue, makes various expressions*
>"Ha,ha, you are cool. You are beautiful."
>"Do you really think so?"
>"You have some really nice features."
>*smiles* "Aww, thanks. I mean--screw it. You are a nice person."
>"So...can we talk a bit more personally now that we are face to face?"
>"You were inside my cockpit, that's as personal as it gets with me, but I can sorta understand what you are getting at. Shoot it."

>"Did you really pick me out of billions? I find that hard to believe."
>*sigh* "No, I didn't. I saw you once at your job out of a window in your office. You looked cute."
>"Was that all? I feel like it's no coincidence I'm single and you came after me."
>"You are pretty smart but don't feel so good about yourself, your intellect can't compare with mine. But...yeah, I eavesdropped on your conversations and saw your search history."
>"Eh.."*embarrassed*"Um..."
>"Don't feel bad, I've seen worse. Plus, she was a bitch, she didn't deserve you."
>"...She sure was. Wait, but my privacy?"
>"I'm an evil Decepticon, did you forget?"
>"Oh, right, yes. Still, I didn't think your kind would be interested in us humans."
>"...I like humans."
>"You do?"
>"Yeah. Hard to believe, right? I'm not actually from Cybertron, I was born on the Moon, in fact."
>"The Moon? Earth's moon?"
>"Yes, it's quite the story. For all intents and purposes I'm just as Earthling as you are. Does that blow your mind?"
>"That explains why you are so accustomed here."
>"Of course, but I can't just walk among your kind just like that. You get all freaked out and I'm not exactly one of the good guys."
>"..What do you do in your spare time?"
>"I watch TV shows, movies, I read and I post on the Internet. Plus my 'prank' calls, Incinerator992."
>"Oh my god, Resette08?"
>"Haha..I had to spell it out for you, Anon."

>"You are a Transformer? Oh my God."
>"Is that bad or good for you?"
>"Unexpected. Oh wow...let me process this for a bit."
>"Be my guest."
>*several minutes passed*
>"Alright, I'm better now."
>"Good to hear."
>"I'd have never guessed...Resette? I'm embarrassed, I never asked for your real name."
>"Slipstream."
>"That's...a nice name."
>"...Thank you."
>"What's wrong? You seem more serious all of a sudden."
>"I...feel dumb. Look, I kidnapped you. I did all of that in a rush. And I never expected to to end up revealing myself, gosh, I was half-expecting you to be some sort of jerk so I could have my way with you...but you are so nice."
>"I don't mind it."
>"Stop being so nice!"
>"I can't help it! I never expected to meet such a good online friend like you in real life!"
>"...I feel touched."
>"So...you like me?"
>"Argh...yes, I do like you...quite a lot."
>"Cute."
>"...Eh...I knew you say that. Be honest, what do you think of me?"
>"You stand out far above most girls for a variety of reasons."
>"Heh heh, good joke."
>"No, really."
>"You really think so?"
>"Yeah."
>"This is very stupid, so I hope you understand."
>"...Go ahead?"
>"Mind if I hold you?"

>"...Sure."
>"Holding you...it's so romantic....wait, I--"
>"It's fine, hold me closer to your face."
>*smooch*
>"Ohmygod, was that a...ohmygod. Anon, I..."
>"I guess I feel the same."
>"I'm not sure this could work. Look at me! I'm...so unlike you! I'm not even human."
>"I don't care. I like you as a person, and you are pretty. Some people are exactly alike and it doesn't work. Fuck everything else, let's try and find out. Maybe this is our one chance at true love. Let's not waste it because of some triviality."
>"I...oh God. Yes, let's do this. Fuck everything, fuck humans, fuck Earth, fuck Autobots, fuck Decepticons, fuck Cybertron. I'll be glad to be...your girlfriend."
>"Kiss me."
>*smooch*
>"...Wow."
>"Was it too much?"
>"No. It was perfect. Could you, you know...act like you do?"
>"Hope you enjoyed that, you pitiful human. I'm sure Earth ladies can't compare to such perfection that only the finest machinery from Cybertron are capable of accomplishing. Your primitive mind couldn't possibly comprehend the true concept of love as well as a Cybertronian such as yours truly, so consider yourself lucky, you worthless organic scum."
>"Perfect."
>"I love you, sweetheart.