A winter in Yetinburg ch.5

	The hunger is back. That dull, aching hunger that I can't fill even with the pig livers. I have been doing well for two weeks since I ate that thing without even realizing I wasn't dreaming. But it came back fast after that. Not as bad as before but it's getting harder to ignore as time goes along. I keep myself busy to keep from thinking about it, Sebastian still does nothing but watch those dvds and drink at home so all the chores are mine.
	For now, I'm forgetting my troubles and shoveling the fresh snowfall. Another two feet fell last night. I've already cleared the walk and broken up the ice on the concrete, so I'm shoveling the snow off the sidewalk. I don't know if I'm supposed to, but it gives me something to do. It's the only thing I have to do today, no other chores, and there isn't anything fun to do online. I can't even contact my friends, I worry about them telling my mother. Last thing I want to happen.
	"Why are you shoveling our sidewalk Sonia?" Catherine asks.
	I get out of my thoughts and look towards the bundled up kikimora in her half shoveled walkway. She's wearing the same style of snow gear I am, I am wearing her old ones. Puffy jacket, thick boots, warm scarf, thick gloves. I'm using my own snow hat, they have a place to put my ears in and hers is the kind humans use. Like a big dome. I don't want my ears squished down, at all. Her breath is showing in the cold air like my own, her own snow shovel in hand. Mines a lot bigger though.
	"Oh. Uhm. I was just after something to do. You don't mind, do you?" I ask, looking back at the path I made. I've already done half the work without realizing it.
	"I don't mind that much, but I'll pay you for it anyways if you keep going. I can finish off the walkway." Catherine responds happily. "Can't you watch television though? Once I have everything done I usually watch some of my soaps."
	I shake my head no and start shoveling again, adding to the pile in her yard some more instead of the tall drift beside the road. "No, even if we had channels Sebastian just keeps watching his home videos. How long has it been since his wife left anyways? He drinks so much, that's what probably did it."
	Catherine doesn't reply right away, making me look up at her when I find it odd. I can see the surprise on her face before she gets more somber.
	"So, that's what you thought then. That isn't what happened to them." The kikimora sighs.
	"What happened to them then?" I ask, confused. I should be putting this together more easily in my mind, but that hunger is messing with my head.
	Catherine looks down each side of the long sidewalk and street. Once she sees nobody nearby she steps through the snow to get up next to me to speak quieter.
	"They're gone. They got some disease from a trip, or a bad game kill, or something. It was terrible. They were coughing up blood, and their bodies were shutting down. The doctors tried what they could, but they both withered away. Eva was such a cute pup too... even if she woke me up with that howling. She never did get the pronunciation right..." Catherine seems to frown, I can't see her face. Her eyes are tearing up.
	The revelation takes a moment for it to set in, making me frown under my scarf as well as I think back how much it makes sense. A knot forms in my throat out of guilt, before Catherine keeps going.
	"After it happened, Sebastian was devastated. He took to drinking, and lashed out at anyone that tried to make him admit his family was gone. His friends stopped trying after a while and stopped contacting him. I think I'm the only one that still checked on him, and even then he hardly opened the door for me. He became a recluse. All he enjoys are his memories. But... then you came." She cheers up a bit.
	After all of that revelation, I'm surprised when I'm mentioned. I wait and let her continue.
	"He just up and picks someone up off the street! And nurses them back to health! He even lets me into his house every time I come over now. I told Charles he should visit, but he and Sebastian seem to have parted rather sourly. But that recluse is letting someone live with him! Sure, he's still in his denial... but somehow you got to him." Catherine prattles, though I can't bring myself not to listen to her.
	"I don't think it's that amazing. It's more for my... medical condition that I'm around. I just don't think he would mind if I had an episode and hurt him." I admit, trying to cover just what I meant with something that seemed plausible. I don't know what condition would fit.
	"Condition? He did say that you might act sketchy when I first started teaching you, but I haven't seen it. What sort of condition is it?" She asks. I need to think quick to keep her from being snoopier and asking Sebastian.
	"It's... I don't know what it's called. I think it was some mental disorder. Violent urges, and once when I was asleep I moved around without realizing it." I admit, frowning under my scarf before starting to shovel the snow. "Sebastian got me some medicine that helped, but we can't get a lot at once and we ran out." I lie, not wanting to admit to what happened that night three weeks ago.
	"That sounds serious. Is that why you were on the street?" Catherine asks, starting to shovel the snow of the walkway again.
	"...Yeah, I suppose it was. Partly." I admit.
	"Partly? What else was there?" She asks.
	"Don't want to talk about the rest." I sigh.
	We work in silence after that and finish clearing off the concrete. I'm tempted to continue shoveling down the street, but see other people already doing it. Instead I move over to where Catherine is, at the door of her house as she waves me over. She moves inside and leaves me waiting in the entrance, free to look into their own cozy living room. It's immaculate, no stains like back at Sebastian's place. I can't smell alcohol everywhere, and they've already set up their Christmas decorations. December only just started. They even have their tree decorated, though no presents are underneath it just yet.
	Before I wait too long in my clothes, Catherine comes back with her purse and fishes out some money for me. I'm not sure if twenty is a lot for shoveling, but it sure feels like a lot after years begging on the street. I don't complain and put it into my pocket.
	"Thanks, I'm not sure what I'll do with it though. I'll need to wander around town after this, a bit. Maybe not."
	"I'd like to ask you for a favor first." Catherine stops me from leaving before I can think about it. "It's going to be a bit tough, so you don't have to do anything you don't want to.
	"What kind of favor is it?" I ask, waiting for her to answer for a few seconds as she composes her words in her head.
	"Well, you've somehow gotten into Sebastian's shell. I want you to try and help him a bit, but I can't do anything. I know it's a lot to push onto anyone, let alone someone who is still recovering like you are. But try and get him to snap out of it." Catherine requests, frowning a bit while staring at me. "I know I said he lashed out against those that tried before, but you can be subtle about it since you're around him all the time."
	"I'm... not so good at subtle. I'm only twenty-two." I admit, Catherine looking more surprised than I've seen her before.
	"But you have three tails! Aren't you at least two hundred years old? Or are you just a prodigy?!" Catherine asks. I shake my head no to both of them.
	"I don't know myself. But I'm not good at subtle." I repeat myself. "I guess I can try something though. I don't like that smell, and it's very sad seeing him just watch those tapes. Even more in hindsight..."
	"What did you have in mind then?"
	"Well, it's been a while since I could watch television. Do you have any movies, dvd sets, that sort of thing? Maybe I can take the television over if I borrow enough." I suggest.
	Catherine thinks for a long moment before nodding, smiling as she moves back into her home. She returns with a re-usable cloth grocery bag full of box sets and movies, handing it over to me.
	"I didn't mean this many!" I start to worry, Catherine not seeming to mind as she responds.
	"Don't worry about it, we have a big collection! I just got you the ones from the last four years for you. Well, the good ones. Just enjoy them, you don't need to watch all of them before bringing them back." Catherine insists. I'm hesitating, but take the bag from her anyways.
	"Thanks. If you need one back you just need to come over, I'm home all day." I smile under my scarf, ready to head back next door as the heating of Catherine's place starts to build up in my snow clothing.
	"I will. And I'll talk to you later, see how you're doing!" She waves as I leave. I give a wave back as I head back to Sebastian's with the shovel, moving inside and putting it in the closet beside the door.
	Sure enough, Sebastian is still in his chair and onto his third bottle of something bad for him. He doesn't even look over to see who just came in. Just takes a long drink from his bottle before clearing his throat. He's watching a video of his daughter playing in the snow when she could hardly walk, tail wagging like it wanted to come off. Playing in the snow may be fun sometime, now that it comes to mind.
	After making sure the fire was burning well enough I make a quick lunch of sandwiches for the two of us. Sebastian is still not responding to me, almost like he's trying to ignore me while I'm around. I've been getting that feeling a lot since I've recovered. I push it out of my head and start going through the bag as I sit on the couch, half expecting Sebastian to say something. Eventually I find something I want to watch.
	"Hey, Sebastian."
	My attempt to get his attention only gets a grunt back from him.
	"Sebastian, are you listening?" I ask, getting right next to him to make sure to get his attention while holding onto the box set I picked out.
	"Yeah." He speaks up. That's good enough, I think.
	"Catherine lent me some dvds, I want to watch some of them. Do you mind?" I ask, not wanting to push it too hard as I hold the Mouse box set in my hand. "There are movies in the bag too."
	Sebastian frowns a bit, looking towards his laptop on the coffee table for a second.
	"Can't you watch them on there?" He asks.
	"Well, yeah. But that screen is really small. Can I please watch it on the television?" I ask.
	"No." Sebastian states sternly, still not looking at me directly. I frown and back off, picking up the laptop to make due with what I could in the means of entertainment.
	I try again the next day in the morning, before Sebastian wakes up and gets his own dvds on. It works for a bit, until I need to go cook breakfast. By the time I've finished, he's already put in another of his home videos. I manage to do the same when he naps though, taking some television time for myself. It doesn't last long, but I get until I need to make dinner to watch more of the eccentric mouse-girl doctor treating unorthodox problems. Not sure how she keeps her license, but it's television.
	The same struggle goes on for several days, but I'm not making any progress. It's always just a fight to control the television, but Sebastian just deals with it even if he is hiding his growing irritation.
	I eventually can't stand the smell of alcohol anymore. Sebastian drinking even harder than before. So one morning I look around for a hiding spot that he might not know about, checking every nook and cranny of the house. Eventually I find a place I can stash all of his drinks, in a hidden away storage space in the attic. With the spot picked out, I wait until he goes to work that night. The ache of the hunger is getting painful now, but the pig livers are keeping it somewhat in check.
	With Sebastian gone, I put away all the drinks I can find into the spot. It may not get rid of the smell from the empty bottles under the kitchen stairs, but maybe it'll stop his vice. I hope I'm thinking straight, the hunger is affecting my mind more and more. I'm getting more annoyed by small things going wrong. I'm getting the violent urges when I see Sebastian. I catch myself salivating at the same time.
	Everything seems fine when I get up the next day. It's a bit later than usual due to staying up the night before, but breakfast can easily become brunch. It always does with Sebastian anyways due to his work. Everything is going normally until he wakes up.
	The first thing he does is start to rummage around everything. Everything. He digs up some drinks I didn't know about and gets his irish coffee without the coffee. He asks about the missing drinks, and I tell him that I don't know anything. Maybe he drank them and forgot. He seems to accept that explanation.
	By the time dinner has come and gone Sebastian has run out of his supply I didn't find. He's gone through everything, and walks right over to where I am on the couch. I take the headphones off since I can guess what is coming.
	"Alright, where did you put it all Sonia?" Sebastian asks, looking very annoyed.
	"What do you mean?" I ask, trying to play dumb as he stands in front of me. I can sense the annoyance, and think that question wasn't the brightest idea afterwards.
	"You know what I mean, go get them and bring them back here." He orders, stern voice with a hint of anger in it as he frowns and closes the laptop, taking it off my lap and putting it on the other side of the couch with a light toss. He's getting outwardly angry.
	I frown up at him, deciding to try and talk with him. Maybe I really can convince him?
	"They aren't good for you Sebastian, I thought putting them away would help you." I frown, ears drooping a bit as he gets noticeably angrier with me. "You really need to stop the habit before you get really sick. It can cause ulcers."
	"You're not in any position to lecture me!" He yells a bit. It's getting a bit harder to talk back to him.
	"Sebastian, I'm just trying to help you! You've been drinking a lot more lately, is it because of me being here?" I ask, staying seated as I shrink down away from him.
	"Yes! I mean... look, just go get my drinks already! I'm not going to the store for more!" He orders.
	"You can't drink that stuff and pretend they're not gone forever!" I snap, not thinking about what I'm saying. He gives a hurt, but enraged look to me after that comment. He doesn't even need to say anything before I'm apologizing as many times as I can while I get up run to go fetch the box for him as quick as I can. I set it on the kitchen table before running to the trophy room to close the door, Sebastian taking the large bottle of the hardest stuff to chug down. I hide in my bed and pull the blanket over my head, hoping that he calms down and leaves me alone.
	"Stupid, stupid, stupid..." I repeat to myself, only stopping when I start fading off to sleep and Sebastian leaves for his job. I'm left with the ache of hunger and my own emotionally fevered thoughts as they turn into dreams.

	Below me is the bones, picked clean and already gnawed open for the marrow. Splintered bits laying around the ground. It was a fresh kill but not my own. It kept me alive for a bit longer, but I needed to find something new. Something fresher. It was winter, there wasn't much too eat. I'd starve if I didn't get lucky.
	I hear the steps of something. I creep out of my lair and see the huge boar that has wandered into my territory. It's old, worn, beaten up, and smells foul. It's weak. I stalk out and stay out of it's sight as it lumbers about, following it in the shadows. My claws are aching almost as much as my stomach.
	I follow it to it's feeding ground where it drinks some foul water before up a hill, and to a hidden place where it sleeps. It puts itself under a bed of branches and snow for warmth. I wait until it's settled down before creeping closer, making sure it's asleep before I pounce. My claws dig into it, but it's thick fur and the snowy branches keep them from causing too deep of cuts into the animal as it squeals and thrashes awake. I try to hold on but am knocked aside by the heavier animal. It flees, but I am on it again as it attempts to track downhill. I leap onto it and knock it down, ripping at it's shoulders and back as I bare my fangs. The squealing boar knocks me away with it's weight before tumbling down the hill, tenderizing itself for me. I chase it down once I have my footing again. It attempts to flee towards my lair, but I'm too quick for it and cut off the escape route. Cornered, it looks for some way to protect itself. A bush, or shrub, something for cover. I rush in for the neck, tackling the boar down to get ready to sink my fangs into the jugular. But I get hit with something heavy and solid as my fangs nearly bite down on the vital point.
	The blow shifts the world around me, making me dizzy and stumble back on my feet. The boar and the forest disappear, replaced by the familiarity of the kitchen and Sebastian. His arms and body are cut up, bleeding out of his wool sweater. In his hand is a large cast iron pan, which is dropped to the same ground he's laying on as I stumble backwards.
	"Se..bastian...?" I ask, before falling down and fading into the blackness of dreamless sleep.