Disaster Anon #3: Disaster 157; Socks. Three Act Style

Disaster #157: Socks.

ACT ONE: THE PART WITH THE DRAMA

>You're sitting at the table of the library, drinking your coffee and reading the paper; why can’t you have more mornings like this.
“Another murder in Hollow Shades” *sip*
>Twilight responds from the kitchen telling you,
>“That’s the third one this month.”
Man the morning papers are depressing.
>The door of the library opens and an all too familiar blue mare with pink mane enters.
>You sarcastically announce.
Oh goody, it’s Minty.
>“Uh, h-hey Anon.”
>Twilight hears Minty and rushes out of the kitchen to confront her.
>“What do you think you’re doing here", says Twilight.
Calm down Twilight. You’re going to wake up Spike. *sip*
>“I just came to check out a book. Honest!”
>Twilight eyes her, judging her very soul, and notices something new with her.
>“Socks?”
>She’s wearing a pair of pink and white socks made to match her mane.
>“Yeah! Don’t they look nice Anon?”
>You shrug your shoulders wanting to give her as little attention as possible.
*sip*
>Twilight magically forces Minty’s head back, forcing them to lock eyes.
>She’s all smoosh-faced from the magic.
>“I’m just going to check out a book, and I’ll be on my way.”
>Minty’s never been the type of pony to read casually…whatever. You pay no mind.

FOUR DAYS LATER.

>You’re in your room/the lab/the basement of the library attempting to deconstruct the vacuumed out color of a rainbow, when suddenly Mrs. Cake comes rushing down the stairs. Tears are rolling down her face.
>“Aaa-he-he-nooooon.”
>Her squishy, emotionally vulnerable body embraces you and she continues weeping into your chest.
Calm down Mrs. Cakes. What’s got you so worked up?
>“*sniff* It’s Carrot.”
Carrot Cake? But you two are the most perfect power couple I’ve seen in ages. What could possibly be the problem?
>“*sniffle sniffle* It all started two days ago; There was this girl that visited Sugarcube Corner. She had about six colts around her, and they were buying a bunch of sweets for her.”
Whoa. Way to roll in the bits Mrs. Cake.
>“After they left, Carrot kept talking about how nice the girl’s socks looked.
>Your eyes widen.
>“I didn’t mind at first, *sniff* but Carrot just wouldn’t stop talking about those socks. He even spent the entire night tossing and turning thinking about them. Next thing I knew, Carrot Cake left saying, “I’m sorry honey, but I need to see those socks again.” And…”
>Her weeping gets heavier.
>“I can’t take care of a family while maintaining a job.”
>She’s chocking on her own words.
>“I can’t.”
>She continues crying for about thirty seconds before you finally push her off.
Don’t worry Mrs. Cake, I’ll handle this.
>This is the work of Minty, you’re sure of it.
>You walk upstairs and head off to see Minty. Mrs. Cake follows from behind.
>After extensive walking, you and Mr. Cake walk over to her house and are both shocked by what you two see.
>Minty’s home is under construction by the colts in Ponyville. There are at least thirty colts right now, and they are all united in turning her two story house into a massive manor. Her normal home is still in tack, but you can see tons of framing and walls being built around it.
You should stay back Cup.
>You don’t know what’s going on, but you don’t like it.
>Mrs. Cake stays at a reasonable distance.
>You ring the doorbell and Big Mackintosh opens the door.
>“Eeeyes?”
I’m here to see Minty.
>“Nnnope.”
>Minty appears, pushing Big Mac into the background.
> “Sorry about that.”
She gives an awkward laugh.
>“It’s so nice to have you visiting my house Anon. Doesn’t it remind you of old times?”
>You attempt to stay as straight faced as possible.
By any chance, is Carrot Cake here?
>She’s giving you the bedroom eyes.
>“Why, yes he is, but we have plenty of time to talk about him. Why don’t we talk about something else?”
>She goes onto her hind legs, leans her back onto the door frame, and raises her right hind leg, displaying her socks as near as possible to your face. She strokes her leg with her right hoof.
>“Tell me; what do you think of my socks.”
…
>“…”
…Did you do something to those socks?
>“Pff, no!...So…feeling attracted yet?”
>She wiggles her leg a little, but whatever she’s trying to do just isn’t working.
Minty, I’m going to have to take those socks off.
>“Wha!? No!”
>You grab her sock, looking her in the eyes not breaking expression in the slightest.
Don’t make this harder than it has to be.
>“NO!!!”
>A large muscular colt slams into you, and you tumble away from the door into the dirt. This THING is steaming from the nostrils.
>You try to get up, but you’re pounced by Caramel back to the ground.
>In the span of ten seconds, you’re stomped out by both colts, and a third one being a measly two feet tall.
>Minty yells to them with a hint of concern,
>“I think he’s had enough boys!”
>You’re left bruised and beaten in the dirt.
>“Don’t do that again! I don’t want you guys fighting Anon.”
>Minty closes the door leaving you behind.
>You’re carried off by Cup Cake, who watched this entire event go down in the background.

>You two head back to the library.
>Hey looky, Twilight’s back home.
>“Anon! What in the name of Celestia happened!?”
I was ambushed by a few colts, I’ll be fine though. By the way, Minty has a colt-army now.
>Twilight looks to the ground shamefully.
>“This is all my fault.”
…Twilight, what book did you let her check out?
>“…‘101 Hexes and Curses’?”
*facepalm* Great; I’m 100% sure that she put a curse or something on her socks, and now I have an army of colts to deal with, just to get those off of her.
Mrs. Cake intervenes.
>“I think that mare might like you Anon. Maybe the colts will think you’re friendly if you start flir-"
ABSOLUTELY NOT! I refuse to show any romantic interest in a horse, ESPECIALLY Minty.
>Things get incredibly silent, and I feel like a huge @$$ right now for saying that.
>Mrs. Cake finally breaks the silence and asks, “Did anything ever happen between you and this ‘Minty’ girl?”
>You hate having to mention your past, but it looks like it’s beginning to catch up with you.
*sigh* Two years ago, when I first moved to Equestria, Twilight wasn’t the first housemate I had. I used to live with Minty: that mare you saw with the socks. She was the first pony I ever met; she even helped me during my first disaster with Tirek. Eventually, we became companions. I lived with Minty for about four months. We were as close as close could be. I was blinded from the truth though. Eventually…
>Your fist clench as you tell Cup Cake,
-she wanted me to be her special somepony. It was more apparent over time; The way she’d get defensive around others, the fact that she bought us a king sized bed instead of two separate beds…the constant mane petting. Eventually, she just flat out asked me though. I like you guys, really, but I would never even dream of having one of you ponies as a significant other. I rejected her, and in an attempt to avoid complications, left her home to live with Twilight. That was eight months ago, and I’ve been in her basement ever since. To this day I’ve never petted another pony’s mane.
>“Goodness. I’m sorry to hear that.”
It’s okay.
>Twilight tells you, “Anon, I know better than anypony about your time with Minty, but you’re the only one around who can get those socks without things turning into an all-out war. We have to free those colts, because no colts-”
Means broken families, a rise in delinquency, a sharp decline in employment, the downfall of the economy, and another disaster. *sigh* I hate my job.
>You give them the ‘shoo’ motion with your hands.
Okay, I need you two mares to leave the basement. I think of plans best on my own.
>The mares slowly depart.
…What weapons do I still have?

ACT TWO: THE PART WITH THE ROMANCE
THE NEXT DAY
[Minty’s Perspective]

>*knock knock knock*
>I leave the brown security pony feeding me chocolates, and head to the door.
>Once opened, I see Anon on the other side, surrounded by four of the eighty-three colts I’ve acquired. Anon's carrying a backpack, and he’s holding a heart shaped box.
Oh look, it’s you.
>“Minty, will you take me back?”
>He’s toying with my emotions.
I’m not stupid Anon. This is just one of your plans.
>“Not this time. You might not believe me, but seeing you with all of these colts, it’s made me kind of...[quietly] jealous.”
I sarcastically ask, "What was that Anon?"
>“I’m jealous! I was too afraid to face my emotions, but if I don’t show that I care now, I may lose you forever.”
>Black colt with blue mullet grabs Anon’s arm with his foreleg and uses his wings to pull him away.
>“Wait! I even brought your favorite treat.”
>I raise a hoof stopping the black colt.
…
>Anon opens the box.
>“Dark chocolate and caramel covered mint wafers. Your favorite.”
…Why don’t you come inside Anon? Take a load off.

EPIGRAPH
[Anon’s Perspective]

>It’s been several hours since Minty’s let you back into her home. With the help of her army, she’s quadrupled the size of her home, filling it with items the colts have brought from the loving families they’ve left behind. This will all be resolved though, if your plan works out right. You do wish you had Twilight for this, but the colts get incredibly hostile towards mares, and Minty especially hates Twilight, meaning the colts probably hate her just as much.

>You’re in Minty’s room, attempting to be as romantic as possible, feeding her not-thin mints on her bed as she’s being fanned by some brown colt with an hour glass cutie mark. This flirtatiousness feels as wrong as salt water in the desert, but you continue with as solid of a performance as possible. While this is happening, a black colt with a blue Mohawk and stars as a cutie mark is searching your backpack. You’ve got nothing to hide though.
>“*much munch swallow* I’m so glad you’ve come back Anon.”
I’m glad to be back.
>You insert another cookie into her chubby (in a good way) face.
>Black pony pulls your picture frame out of the backpack, but you snatch it out of his mouth.
GIMME THAT!
>The colts get aggressive and stances to fight.
>“What’s that in your hands Anon?”
>You turn the frame to Minty revealing the picture.
It’s the very first picture we ever took together. It felt weird getting rid of it, so I’ve kept it with me.
>She takes the photo, and a teary eyed smile comes upon her face. It sort of makes you feel a bit bad for what you’re planning on doing.
>“Oh Anon, you’re such a charmer!”
>She gives you a big squishy hug.
>“Well, I’d love to stay, but the socks are telling me to find more colts. I’ll be back in a bit.”
>Minty hops off of her bed and trots away with several other colts following her.
>You almost feel bad for what’s going to happen tomorrow.

THE NEXT DAY

>The house is now a mansion. Every colt in Ponyville is under the hoof of Minty, and staying in her home. You’re the only one with Minty out of your own free will. You’ve done your best to avoid conflict, and you’ve gone out of your way to be as sweet and humble as possible to Minty. She’s still suspicious though; she refuses to let you sleep in her bed, so you sleep in the halls.

>Oddly enough, you’ve yet to see a single colt asleep so far, you’re pretty sure most, if not all of them have been working through the whole night. The sound of construction was heard through all of last night, constantly waking you. Returning to the issue at hand, Minty’s become much more protective, but you’re sure you can wear her resistance down. You still have an ace up your sleeve.

>After spending a couple of hour working in Minty’s ridiculously large backyard garden (why buy groceries when you have a ton of farmers living in your house), you head back into the house to find Minty.
>She’s roaming the halls trying desperately to have a conversation with her mentally crippled minion; A brown colt with moneybags as a cutie mark.
>You think this power may be getting to her head, because she’s literally wearing a tiara right now.
>“Repeat; “How was your day?””
>The colt stares at her emotionlessly.
>She sighs out of disappointment.
*ahem* Minty?
>“Anon!”
>She leaps forward for a hug.
>Your face cringes knowing what you’re about to do next, but you immediately straight face once she let’s go and looks at you.
I finished my acre of seed planting like you asked.
>“Oh, thank you Anon. Would you like to maybe…talk in the living room, or something?”
Actually, how about we take this to your bedroom instead?
>You place your hand to her mane and begin to slowly move your fingers across her hair. Easily the greatest weapon in your arsenal.
>Her pupils dilate and she enters an almost entranced state of bliss. Her legs weaken, she stumbles a little trying to stay footed, and her mouth gaps open slightly.
>This is exactly why you don’t pet mares anymore, but you’d be lying if you said it wasn’t effective.
>“O-o-okay."
>Her breathing begins getting heavy.
>We…*huff huff*…my room.”
>You remove your hand from her head.
I’ll meet you there; I just need to take a quick trip to the restroom.
>You depart to finish the plan.
>Minty knows you’re good at plans; it’s exactly why she had her minion check your stuff, but she failed to realize just how far you thought ahead.

>You grab the picture you hanged up in the hall, and bring it into the bathroom. Afterwards, you take it apart and remove the chemical soaked cloth that you had hidden between the picture and the frame’s wall. You stash the cloth it in your back pocket. You also take the left and right borders of the frame apart. Secretly, those two frame pieces are actually hand crafted stun batons you made during your twenty seventh disaster against the dubstep terrorist, you just glued them to a couple of pieces of wood to fool the others. (Man, that was an annoying disaster. The library reeked of sweat for days.)
>Prepared as you can be, you exit and head into Minty’s bedroom.

ACT THREE: THE PART WITH THE ACTION

>You enter Minty’s room.
>She’s sitting on the bed, bouncing slightly in enthusiasm. A colt with a moustache and goatee is with her to make sure she’s safe. You think you saw him in a bowling alley once.
>“It’s so nice to have you here Anon. I could really use somepony to talk to.”
>You must keep composure. It’s time to end this.
Yo Minty, that’s real cool and all but *ahem* [seductive deep voice] I didn’t really come here to “talk”, exactly.
>You close and lock the door behind yourself.
>Minty stops her childish bouncing and begins blushing.
>“R-Really?”
>You move in closer.
I have something really important I want to ask you.
>You get closer until you two are face to face.
Minty,-
>Your faces are only a couple of inches apart, before you suddenly break away.
-does this cloth smell like chloroform to you?
>You put the cloth the Minty’s mouth and pull her into an inescapable hug.
>The colt seeing this tries to leap at you, but you use Minty as a meat shield, stopping him until she goes limp and you toss her on the mattress.
>You immediately hook the colt bringing him to the ground, and taze his stomach, putting him in his place.
Now to get those socks-
>*BANG CRACK BANG*
>The door shatters apart as Big Mac kicks the door in.
>You completely drop trying to remove the socks, run into Mac, uppercut him, and electrocute his stomach.
>Immediately, a red maned Wonderbolt crashes through the window. You 180 and jam your prod into his neck.
>Carrot Cake pounces onto your back but you shock his neck and charge backwards slamming him into the wall. His grip loosens, and you throw him off.
>Three more colts rush in, muscle pegasus, an earth pony with acne and a tie, and Hayseed Turnip Truck.
>You electrocute the nerdy colt in an instant, but muscle colt refuses to drop when shocked.
>Hayseed bucks you into a wall, and you drop your right prod.
>Muscle colt tries to punch your face in, but you duck in the nick of time, and his hoof breaks through the wall.
>You send your prod as deep into his chest as possible, and knock him back.
>Red Delicious runs into the room for back up.
>You kick Hayseed in the face and grab your other prod driving both into Red.
>Muscle Colt recovers and from a shoulder tackle craters you into the wall.
>You lose all the air from your chest.
>Another pegasus enters the window. Blue furred with a sissy blond mane.
>A yellow unicorn with a purple mane enters through the doorway. There are more colts waiting by the doorway as well.
>This is really bad. You’ve fought groups of ponies before, but you can’t possibly handle an entire town’s worth of colts. You need to get those socks off, and fast.
>You drive both prods into muscle colt’s neck, and he begins foaming at the mouth before you drive him away with a jab to the chest.
>You dodge a swing from the unicorn, and shove through the colts until you make it back to Minty.
>You grab and quickly pull away her left sock before the sissy pegasus tackles into you trying to ground you.
>You push him away, only to be hooked by the money bags colt. Hayseed’s suddenly on your back and you get tackled back by a blue colt with musical notes as a mark.
>You’re absolutely swarmed by colts, and for every colt you stop, another one comes in its way.
>You can’t possibly handle them.
>You’re brought to the ground with the yellow furred, purple manned unicorn weighing you down.
>In a desperate attempt, you begin to crawl to Minty’s bed.
>Two more colts leap onto you, but you continue crawling.
>You barely get your fingers to the tip of the sock before you’re made immobile by the several colts who have dog-pilled you.
>You’re too close. You need to save the town.
>With just barely enough distance closed in, you slowly pull the sock until it removes itself from her hoof.
>The moment the sock is removed, the colts pinning you immediately go limp, and you hear the loud thuds of other colts collapsing to the ground.
…Guys?
>You soon hear the sound of a colt snoring. They’ve been working themselves for the last six days getting this mansion made. Now that the socks are gone, they must’ve came to, and collapsed from their realized exhaustion.
>It’s difficult, but you eventually remove myself from the pile of colts, and get up.
>You tap Minty’s cheek to wake her.
Minty…Minty get up.
>Minty’s eyes slowly open as she comes to.
>“Mmm. Wha?”
She notices you have her socks in your hand, and looks down to her exposed legs.
>Minty yelps, and lunges to the socks, but you push her forehead back with your left hand, keeping her at bay.
>Her forelegs stretch out desperately, but soon lower as she realizes that she’s been defeated.
>There's an awkward silence.
>You still haven’t removed your hand.
>“*sigh* I’m sorry Anon. There was something I read in the book that said I would finally get the affection of those around me if I did some crazy blood curse junk on an item I could wear. I thought that maybe if I tried that, you’d like me again, or at least get jealous enough to ‘learn’ to like me…I guess that wasn’t the case though…I’m so pathetic, I’ll never find a special somepony.”
>You finally remove your hand.
Minty, you’re not even a full grown mare yet. You’ve got plenty of time to find a special somepony. That somepony WON’T be me though. I’m sorry Minty, I like you-
>“But you don’t ‘like me’ like me.”
>Her head lowers.
Yeah.
>You extend your hand offering to pull her up.
Don’t worry. You’re going to find a colt one day who will be everything you want, and probably more. That’s not going to happen through mind altering socks though. You just need to be patient. It’ll be worth it. I promise.
>Minty looks up, smiles slightly, and finally takes your hand.
Come on, let’s make things right.
>You take Minty by your side to make sure none of the mares try to hurt her as you two fix the problem.
>You two head outside and announce to the mares in town that if they want their colts back, they can go in the house and get them.
>The next few hours are spent watching mares go in and out getting their colts.
>Minty makes sure to apologizes to each and every mare until it gets late and the mares stop coming.
>For the remaining colts that have no so companions, you and Minty simply wake them and ask them to leave.
>A couple even seemed a little reluctant to do so. Is that a good sign? I don't quite know.
>Disaster 157: Socks: successfully averted.
>…These socks feel really nice. You should…keep these.