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Midget Gun-Crafter Anon in Dragon Equestria: A Drunk Oneshot

Sep 25th, 2012
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  1. Midget Gun-Crafter Anon in Dragon Equestria: A Drunk Oneshot
  2.  
  3. >you are anon
  4. >fucking three and a half feet tall at that
  5. >your midget status was solidly confirmed but it didn’t stop you from being good at what you did
  6. >math, MasterCam and ideas didn’t give a fuck how tall you were
  7. >you kinda wished you were taller though
  8. >fucking tallfags had no trouble jumping the gap between the building’s crumbling foundations in this earthquake
  9. >but NOOO, you had to be a fucking dwarf and this large crack in the floor was going to end you
  10. >the fucking project manager for Cerberus
  11. >was about to start a new plan for this bullpup line of rifles when all this shit started shaking
  12. >fuck off, tectonic plates
  13. >you had shit to do
  14. >fucking trigger groups to design
  15. >trigger groups for bullpups were goddamn headaches
  16. >especially when you didn’t want them to be total shit, like every other bullpup
  17. >you’d gotten into an argument with the retarded quality control manager again
  18. >fucking douchebag
  19. >then all this shit started shaking
  20. >building was coming apart
  21. >dumbass quality control asshole was probably in charge of the building’s quality control during construction
  22. >falling to your death, you swore that you’d haunt his retarded ass from beyond the grave
  23. >your fall was broken by some cracking, broken 440 volt 3 phase wires
  24. >everything went multicolored for a few seconds
  25. >you felt like you were inside a huge vibrating dragon dildo for a while
  26. >hopefully it was a dragon dildo, those things were neat as fuck with the cum lube
  27. >you wake up, naked, cold in the middle of a field of pretty flowers
  28. >sneezing like the short, congested motherfucker you are
  29. >you sit up
  30. >didn’t you just fucking die or something?
  31. >you’d expected a closed casket deal, as industrial current would have most likely made you look like a chunk of charred T-bone steak thrown into a blender
  32. >nope, you were just fucking naked in some goddamn field
  33. >well fuck
  34. >you rub your face
  35. >at least you weren’t dead
  36. >where the fuck were you anyhow
  37. >you get moving, at a neck-breaking pace of like 2 miles an hour
  38. >fucking tiny legs
  39. >you don’t even know where you’re going, but at least the activity is fending off the cold
  40. >this isn’t so bad
  41. >everything is colorful and pretty
  42. >you could probably live off the goddamn dandelions and clovers in the grass for a while
  43. >there’s something in the distance
  44. >seems to be houses or buildings…
  45. >you feel a little awkward
  46. >you’re approaching a settlement while being a naked as fuck midget
  47. >oh whatever, it’s not like this is anything new in the humiliating world of being three and a half fucking feet tall
  48. >you walk into this weird ass town with your back straight and your third fucking leg out
  49. >you were a prideful tripod
  50. >one thing about how small you were, it sure made your solid-sized wang look pretty good
  51. >what in all that is fuck
  52. >why are there p0nies here, and no people
  53. >apart from some green pony sitting back on a bench, it seems that all the inhabitants here just run away in fright
  54. >the ‘fuck is up with that one anyway
  55. >she had this huge grin on
  56. >staring
  57. >mostly at your wang
  58. >this old p0ny lady had left her shawl and was busy running away at the breathtaking speed of a snail’s pace, so you picked up the garment and used it as a toga
  59. >toga party up in this bitch
  60. >you walk in with your 42 inches of height, proudly acting as ambassador of Earth
  61. >six of those colorful fucking ponies walk up
  62. >welp, better say hello
  63. “Hello, small pony creatures! I am Anonymous U. N. Owen of Earth. Pleased to meet you all.”
  64. >they probably can’t even talk or anything but it’s not like it matters when you’ve been used as a fuse for a 3 phase electri-
  65. “Hello?” says one of the tiny horse things
  66. >holy shit, they can talk
  67. “Hi?” you reply
  68. >you should really find yourself some proper clothing if you’re going to be an ambassador for the first meeting with a new sentient species…
  69. >you imagine a nice suit, properly tailored around your waist
  70. >a good wool suit, with a straight black tie
  71. >you’re now wearing a really nice tailored suit
  72. >what the fuck
  73. >it’s a little formal, the flat white shirt was just as you had imagined it, no cufflinks, just regular buttons
  74. >this is good enough though
  75. >wait
  76. >how did a suit just appear on you
  77. >what the fuck
  78. >your head hurt a little
  79. >the p0ny things in front of you looked a little confused
  80. >where did the shawl/toga go?
  81. “Is everything alright?” the purple unicorn asks
  82. "Why are you here, anyway?" asks one of the pastel-hued p0nies
  83. "Is he a magician? I've seen them change clothing really fast! Maybe he's a show-creature! Hopefully he's not like Trixie, though... She wasn't really that ba-
  84. >the hyperactive pink one is cut off by an orange, hat-wearing pony shoving her hoof in the cotton-candy pony's mouth
  85. >they tell you that you’re pretty weird but that you don’t look like a dragon
  86. “I don’t think he’s with them, even if he looks strange…” says this little green dude
  87. >apparently he’s a dragon, but he’s a good dragon
  88. >you still have no idea how your bitchin’ suit came into existence
  89. >they inform you that there’s this fucked up war going on between the dragons and the Kingdom of Equestria
  90. >these p0nies are being attacked by this territorial and aggressive race of dragons, who have this new leader dragon
  91. >this leader dragon guy happens to be a huge dick and is launching an all-out attack against these peaceful p0nes
  92. >this “Princess Celestia” and “Princess Luna” were all badass and stuff but they couldn’t do everything by themselves
  93. >the six p0nies in front of you were apparently part of this super-weapon called “The Elements of Harmony”
  94. >you had no idea where this put you in comparison, you were just some goddamn midget
  95. >it becomes apparent to you that you really aren’t in Kansas anymore
  96. >what the fuck
  97. >they tell you that it’s good you came to this village instead of out in the forest over there, they say that there have been reports of dragons attacking in that direction
  98. >it felt like you’d need some fucking Szecsei & Fuchs over-under double 700 Nitro Express rifle if you didn’t want to get used as an hors d'oeuvres
  99. >it was a beautiful action, in any case
  100. >the bolt handle worked a cam that would rotate both bolt bodies and drove the massive cases back and forth
  101. >exquisite grade 12+ walnut to complete the look
  102. >you’d never be able to afford one, even on your generous paycheck
  103. >why were you holding one in your hands now?
  104. >you were just imagining it the flawless, machined and polished structure in our mind
  105. >the massive bolt lugs and rifling grooves
  106. >the breathtaking walnut stock that held the masterly-crafted action
  107. >now your hands were wrapped around it
  108. >the short stock was fitting your length of pull like a glove
  109. “Anon? What just happened?” asks that purple unicorn p0ny
  110. “I don’t know” you reply
  111. >you had simply imagined it
  112. >thought of how it had been built
  113. >how it had been machined, how the steel had been worked, treated, finished
  114. >and it had appeared out of thin air
  115. >just what in all of fuck is going on
  116. >the rifle was really nice and all
  117. >REALLY nice
  118. >even had shorter barrels for balance and had brake ports so it didn’t knock you right off your tiny ass
  119. >but this still didn’t explain why you had an S&F over-under bolt action
  120. “What is that thing anyway?” asks this blue pegasus with a rainbow-colored mane
  121. >you're about to reply but your train of thought is interrupted by a blinding bolt of pain
  122. "Hhhhhmmgggrr..."
  123. >probably not an answer that explains a lot to the inquisitive bunch
  124. >you crumble, barely able to hold the rifle off the ground
  125. >your head may be splitting apart and you may traumatize these fucking tiny colorful horses when your cranium fails under the massive torture you're feeling, but you'd be damned if this rifle was gonna get scratched up
  126. >you roll and fall on your back, keeping the 14 pound gun over your chest and away from the soil
  127. >you faintly hear voices
  128. >you can't really see or hear very well over how much this fucking hurts
  129. >you press your hands against your temples, as if to contain this pressure in your domecase
  130. >you think you started yelling at one point
  131. >your eyes crossed and you black out
  132. >you come around, you're in a bed
  133. >your suit is a little wrinkled up, but it doesn't look ripped up
  134. >you look around
  135. >little dizzy
  136. >the rifle is propped up against the wall
  137. >so talking horses, rifles appearing out of nowhere
  138. >this suit also just materialized out of thin air
  139. >man, what the fuck kinda drugs were you on
  140. >maybe this is just some wack as fuck coma dream or something
  141. >you did remember falling into some open and live industrial cables
  142. >you could be dead
  143. >dying
  144. >or just tripping balls 'cause your brains have gotten sauté'd by high amp current
  145. >this was one fucked afterlife in any case
  146. >the pain felt real
  147. >it could be a dream thing, the crazy as fuck setting does make this somewhat plausible
  148. >didn't explain the pain thought
  149. >thankfully, your head wasn't trying to kill you anymore
  150. >you start moving off the fluffy mattress
  151. "I think he's awake" says a voice, out of sight
  152. >you hop off the bed, they seem to have smaller frames but it was still a few feet of the ground
  153. >landing wasn't too unsteady, the fine leather soles of your shoes hit with a tap
  154. >damn, this is Armani shit right here
  155. >you aren't dizzy anymore
  156. >all things considered, this isn't bad
  157. >you're still alive in some way
  158. >the door opens and that purple one with the horn walks in, behind some white pony with a red cross ass tattoo
  159. "Hello?" you say
  160. >feels weird to try to talk to animals like they're people, but they had proven to be able to speak
  161. "Hi... Umm... I'm nurse Redheart. Glad to see you're feeling better... I believe you've met miss Twilight Sparkle already"
  162. >you freeze for a half second
  163. "Bwahahaha... Oh wow... Wait..."
  164. >you just burst out laughing in their faces
  165. >"Twilight Sparkle"?
  166. >gaaayyyy
  167. >however it seems they were serious and this was their names
  168. >awkward
  169. >they look at each other, perplexed
  170. "Oh... Sorry, I was just... Nevermind. I'm Anon, Anon U. N. Owen. Pleased to meet you, Nurse…"
  171. >smooth
  172. >about as smooth as a cheese grater but shit, you should be given a break, this isn't some cocktail party for fuck's sake
  173. "Nice to meet you too, Mr. Owen... Nurse, is he alright?" says Twilight
  174. "Just Anon is fine" you butt in
  175. "I can't find anything that would indicate that he isn't okay, but I've never seen something like him so it's hard to tell..." replies the nurse
  176. "I feel fine now, actually" you say
  177. >nurse Redheart gives you a warm smile
  178. "how long was I out for anyhow?" you ask
  179. "Only a few hours, sir" she replies
  180. "Well if you feel better, I'm going to have to check you out right now. We have some injured p0nies coming in from what used to be a patrol..." continues the nurse
  181. >dang, that's heavy
  182. "thanks for everything, sorry about taking up a bed..." you reply
  183. >hospitable creatures, even to a stranger
  184. >you grab the S&F and head to the door
  185. "Anon? I was wondering if you'd answer some questions I have..." says Twilight
  186. "I guess?"
  187. >you didn't really feel like being interrogated right now
  188. "Looks like you have questions of your own, maybe we can help each other out" she says
  189. >little horse is now speaking your language
  190. >nurse Redheart's hoof is tapping impatiently
  191. "Sure. How about we take it outside..." you say
  192. >you start talking while walking
  193. >goddamn sparkle butt is bombarding you with questions
  194. >most of which you have no fucking idea how to even answer
  195. >you slip in a question here and there, trying to get your bearings
  196. >bitch is fast on her... Hooves
  197. >she doesn't miss a beat
  198. >she's just drowning you in questions as you exit the hospital place thing
  199. "I don't know! I've never even heard of these things just popping out of nowhere. Back where I come from, this is all impossible!" you finally cry out
  200. >you get it across that to you, this whole place and everything in it is crazy and impossible, that you're actually an oddity on your own world due to your height and have no idea why you got a sudden headache that KO'd you solidly
  201. "I mean last thing I remember, I was at work, in a building, there was this crazy earthquake, I fell down a huge crack in the floor and landed on really high voltage wires so to answer your question about how I got here, your guess is as good as mine. For all I know, I could be dead or my brain could be fried and I'm in a crazy coma or something."
  202. >her ears drop against her head and she seems to take your words hard
  203. "Gosh Anon... I'm sorry... I didn't know..."
  204. >you kinda took it out on a little p0ny that was only curious
  205. "Hey, look... I didn't mean to snap. This is all so messed up, it's not your fault or anything"
  206. >your efforts to cheer her up have somewhat paid off
  207. >she doesn't look like someone told her that her puppy died or something
  208. >you try to change the subject
  209. "I could really go for some food though..."
  210. >a big plate of gravy-laden fries, topped with cheese curds...
  211. >you haven't had that Canadian artery-clogging culinary suicide dish in a while
  212. >you think about the hot, salted fries and thick, dark gravy
  213. >melting white cheese curds
  214. >you are now holding a hot poutine
  215. >FUCKING WIN
  216. "Anon? What did you conjure up this time? How do you do that anyway?" asks a befuddled Twilight
  217. >you make a fork appear in your hand, almost drooling at the perfectly-layered mess in front of you "I don't even know, I just imagine it, think about how it's made and concentrate on my desire for it and it just appears..." you answer, your words muffled partly by the enthusiasm you have in the ingestion of this shit
  218. >you start digging in, having finished your answer
  219. >yeah, it didn't really clear anything up for her but who cares
  220. >this thing is fucking delicious
  221. >you're halfway done when it hits
  222. "oooh shit..." you say
  223. >headache rolls in like a wave of pain
  224. >you are not hungry anymore
  225. >the pain isn't blinding this time
  226. >it friggin' hurts though
  227. >feel like a really solid brain freeze
  228. >not that hot poutine would give you such discomfort, unlike shotgunning a huge frosty or something
  229. >you sit down, setting the half-finished platter next to you
  230. "You okay? Anon?"
  231. >she looks worried
  232. >it is really smarting
  233. >much, much less painful compared than the first time around
  234. >but you can still see and hear, even if it does hurt quite a bit
  235. "I think I'm gonna be okay... It's my head again. Last time it hurt so much, I thought I was gonna die. Now it's just a really bad headache..." you reply, wincing at the pangs of pain
  236. >Twilight still looks a little worried
  237. >then she goes back to curious
  238. >sniffing at your meal
  239. "What is this anyway? Smells pretty good..."
  240. >she eyes the food
  241. "It's some junk food from a country to the north of where my country is, back where I'm from" you answer
  242. >your head is slowly getting better
  243. >she seems to get closer, snout nearing a cheese-covered fry
  244. "Heeeeeeeyyyyy... Hooves off!" you warn
  245. >she recoils like a kid startled by his mother, hand in a cookie jar
  246. >you chuckle, even with the headache
  247. "I'm joking, you can try it if you want... I think I'm done for today…"
  248. >funny how pain can cut your appetite
  249. >the headache is ever so slowly subsiding
  250. "Anon, this is so salty... And delicious..."
  251. >you look back and the horned p0ny had taken a chunk of the remaining food
  252. >little line of gravy on her bottom lip
  253. >you ask her about her horn
  254. >she tells you she's a unicorn that can do magic
  255. >apparently these fluffy equines can fly and wield magic like it’s nothing
  256. >well the unicorns anyway
  257. >the p0nies with the wings fly and shit
  258. >you’re still reeling from this shit
  259. >so this is normal life for these goddamn 4 hoofed p0ny things
  260. >they have goddamn magic and flight and shit
  261. >that's fucking crazy, she isn't a wizar-
  262. >wait
  263. >you have no right to question her statement after you blinked a rifle, a suit and some food out of thin air
  264. >touché, logic
  265. >as crazy as that logic could be, as you're surrounded by colorful mini-horses and shit
  266. "Hunh. Is it anything like what I can do?" you ask
  267. "Well, kinda... Here, look" she replies
  268. >her horn glows
  269. >well shit
  270. >she vanishes and reappears with a pink sparkly flash, about ten feet from where she previously stood
  271. >she is a wizard!
  272. "Holy shit! Can you do other things?"
  273. >you start floating off the ground
  274. "Oh my fuck! Oh shit what the hell?!"
  275. >she giggles and slowly sets you down
  276. >you've pretty much forgotten your headache
  277. "Was I just flying? That was so awesome..."
  278. >pure motherfucking magic
  279. >this is how magnets worked
  280. "You know Anon, I'm not sure if our magic is the same... You just seem to make things appear out of thin air, and magic doesn't really work like that. Plus, when I use my magic, I just get tired, you seem to get headaches..."
  281. >that did make sense, you hadn't really suspected that your conjuration or whatever was really related
  282. >it quickly became apparent that you're really not using magic like how it's supposed to be used, or something
  283. >Twilight tells you that she'd like to study this further, but it's best if she joined the others
  284. >seems there has been an evacuation order, those dragon things that attacked the scout party are apparently on their way here
  285. >estimated time of arrival is tomorrow morning
  286. >they were being kept at bay by the valiant Equestrian Defense force, under Princess Celestia and Princess Luna's united rule, but they wouldn't hold forever
  287. >just what the fuck is going on here anyway?
  288. >they'd already mentioned something about dragons and stuff
  289. >this felt pretty serious
  290. >sure, these ponies had magic and stuff, but if this was like... Actual dragons and shit... With fire, flying house-sized mythical creatures? Would end up pretty bad for the p0nies
  291. >you hope your double rifle would be enough
  292. >it was made to fire 1000 grain brass solids at like 1900ft/s, from your barrel length anyhow
  293. >just your luck
  294. >you can do this funky magic shit, in a world of weird little p0nies and fucking dragons have to come in and fuck it up
  295. >the night ended up being pretty sleepless
  296. >you helped them carry essentials and stuff to a comically colored train
  297. >fucking faggot cartoon train, holy shit
  298. >you get to actually meet the rest of Twilight's friends
  299. >your first meeting had been cut pretty short by you screaming, passing out and by the evacuation order throwing chaos around
  300. >pretty cool bunch
  301. >you're checking out the wings on Rainbow Dash
  302. >she's showing them off like they’re made of gold
  303. >apparently she's some super fast flier here or something
  304. >your conversation is cut short by smoke rising in the distance
  305. >Twilight says it's really time to go
  306. >you're having a hard time keeping up with them as they gallop across the train station to get to a passenger wagon
  307. "Hop on, little guy!" says Rainbow as she does an aileron roll to set down right next to you
  308. >if there was no impending threat of fiery death, you'd be pretty pissed right now for the "little guy" comment
  309. >you jump on her back and she takes off
  310. >holy shit
  311. >you forget the comment
  312. >you're fucking flying on a goddamn pegasus p0ny
  313. >she looks gay as fuck with the rainbow mane but holy balls you're fucking flying
  314. >Rainbow dives back down to enter the train
  315. >that little hop across the train station was fucking wild
  316. >flying = next level awesome
  317. >the train starts moving a few seconds later, everyone made it just fine
  318. >damn horses and their fast legs
  319. >the train speeds up, chugging along for a few minutes
  320. >you start to relax
  321. >you’re about to hoof bump Dash for the ride
  322. >suddenly, the whole train shakes like a goddamn demented bull
  323. >you're all thrown forwards
  324. >loud crashing noises
  325. >you hit your head on a wooden armrest and was sent tumbling into an already multiple p0ny pileup
  326. >ow fuck
  327. >the train seems to have stopped
  328. >maybe someone had the good faith to put this gay ass train out of its misery
  329. >however, this thing was your only hope to escape the doomed P0nyville
  330. >it was now all messed up
  331. >what now?
  332. >loud screeching and crashing noises
  333. >you stick your head out of a broken window
  334. >ohhhhhh shit
  335. >there's a fucking dragon
  336. >he's wailing on the train
  337. >dousing the engine with fire and ensuring that the front section is proper fucked up
  338. >this was bad
  339. >the dragon was fucking massive
  340. >ten stories tall
  341. >pissed off
  342. >you look at the S&F
  343. >it's a goddamn peashooter compared to that monster
  344. >you'd just piss it off
  345. >then it would walk over and rape you all
  346. >six lines form across the sky
  347. "the Wonderbolts!" exclaims Dash
  348. >dafuk?
  349. "They're the top fliers in Equestria, they'll hold off the dragon until we can get to safety" she continues
  350. >sounds like a plan
  351. >you all start getting off the train
  352. >huge, black shapes fill the sky
  353. >mother of god
  354. >dragons in the distance
  355. >dozens of them
  356. >they're fucking huge, all coming this way
  357. >those Wonderbolt pegasi are getting the dragon's attention
  358. >you wish them the best
  359. "We gotta go help them somehow, girls" says Dash
  360. "How? We can't fight a dragon, Rainbow" replies Twilight
  361. >you know those times where you say something when you really should have kept your mouth shut
  362. "well this rifle might take down a dragon" you blurt
  363. >they all look at you
  364. >this was one of those times where you should have kept your goddamn mouth shut
  365. "You sure, Anon?"
  366. >hahaha no
  367. "Technically... Probably... But I'd need to get a good shot at its eye..."
  368. >wow, you're just spelling out your own death now
  369. >so much for staying quiet
  370. "Hop on, Anon! If we don't do something, that dragon is going to end us all..." says Rainbow
  371. >she doesn't really give you a choice
  372. >she pulls a flying back flip and scoops you right off the ground
  373. >you are now on her back
  374. >flying
  375. >you were probably going to die soon but this was awesome
  376. >really awesome
  377. >Dash kicked it up a notch, flying in at breakneck speeds
  378. >you slung the rifle into ready carry, trying to hold onto Rainbow
  379. >you pull the bolt back about an inch
  380. >two full chambers stare back at you
  381. >mag is full too
  382. >you have six rounds of this shit
  383. >then you'll have to "make" more
  384. >hopefully the headache that would ensue wouldn't give you too much trouble
  385. >seems that the more complicated and bigger the thing you created, the worse the headache was
  386. >a couple of rounds of ammo shouldn't be too bad
  387. >safety off as you swing closer to the dragon
  388. >the huge beast hasn't noticed you yet, Dash is skillfully staying right where it's not looking
  389. "Get ready, Anon! We're getting close!"
  390. >you bring the rifle up
  391. >you're within fifty yards now
  392. >you're also on a very strangely moving platform and the dragon isn't sitting still
  393. "Closer!" you yell
  394. >she pushes forward
  395. >the dragon turns, facing you dead on
  396. >you squeeze the first, 3 pound trigger
  397. BO-fweeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
  398. >your ears ring very solidly
  399. >the porting saved you from being thrown off Dash
  400. >you weren't heavy to begin with and these rifles had a healthy kick
  401. >but now you were dizzy and your ears rang
  402. >that hurt
  403. >the dragon recoils back, hands moving to its face
  404. >it seems to shake
  405. >its mouth is all bloody
  406. >you blew a few of its teeth out
  407. >it locks eyes with you
  408. >ohhhhh shit
  409. >you done fucked up
  410. >oh wait
  411. >you get the rifle back on target
  412. >you move your digit to the second trigger
  413. >Dash bucks down sharply
  414. >the gun barks out again
  415. >you hear something like a muffled "pow" over the ringing
  416. >you blink the recoil tears out of your eyes and you see that the dragon is bleeding from the face, but it's still very much alive
  417. >Rainbow is having a hard time
  418. >her ears are bleeding
  419. >her ears are right behind the muzzle
  420. >with the gill ports, that's probably the worst place to be
  421. >you crouch down and tap on the side of her neck, hoping to get her attention
  422. “NO GOOD, I MISSED” you yell
  423. “WHAAAAAAAAAAT?”
  424. “NOOO GOOOD, IIII MIIIIIIIISSSSSSED” you scream at the top of your lungs in her ear that’s bleeding less
  425. “OHH, I’LL TRY TO GET YOU CLOSER” she replies, as loudly
  426. >the ride is interesting
  427. >Dash dodges the swinging claws, swooping tail and fire with great skill
  428. >but when she isn’t dodging she’s really not keeping a straight line
  429. >her sense of balance is pretty trashed
  430. >she’s doing really well, however
  431. >too well
  432. >MUCH TOO WELL OH GOD
  433. “IS THIIIIIS CLOSE ENOUGH?” she hollers
  434. >she landed on the fucker’s head
  435. >what the fuck, Rainbow
  436. >the dragon hasn’t even noticed
  437. >he’s looking around, seeking you out, while you try to keep your balance
  438. >Dash’s eyes are full of tears
  439. >her ears must be killing her right now
  440. >she’s hugging the top of the dragon’s head, holding on for dear life
  441. >you look at her
  442. >you work the bolt
  443. >you put the rifle’s muzzle against the top of the Dragon’s noggin and pull both triggers
  444. P-POweeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
  445. >fuck your ears with a fruitcake
  446. >the dragon goes limp
  447. >you’re falling and Dash comes alive again, swooping under you
  448. >she’s like a fish in the sea when she’s flying
  449. >why is it so dark
  450. >the sun seems to blot out from the sky
  451. >above you is another dragon
  452. >you work the bolt again
  453. >Dash rockets up, and the wind is so strong it stings your eyes
  454. >she pulls a barrel roll and you end up upside down over the dragon
  455. >you’re holding onto her stomach with your legs
  456. >you line up with the top of its skull again
  457. >the rifle’s double barrels just make a thump in your chest now
  458. >the dragon makes a nosedive, but it seems the hits weren’t placed just right
  459. >fucker has a really hard skull
  460. >Rainbow aileron rolls out of the upside-down flight
  461. >the dragon dips left and fires a flaming jet at you both
  462. >Rainbow actually fucking circles around the jet going towards the scaled foe
  463. >you conjure up more ammo in the gun
  464. >over the ringing, you barely notice the headache
  465. >you send one right in its open mouth and the flame thrower stops
  466. >that dragon glides down to earth
  467. >you have ruined its day, but it glares at you
  468. >it looks very displeased
  469. >Dash gives chase, she’s not scared now that it doesn’t have fire to spit at you
  470. >she heads right for the thing’s snout
  471. >pulls up at the last second, and you let the other round off right into the dragon’s eyeball
  472. >holding onto Rainbow’s mane, you look back with satisfaction at the dragon’s limp body
  473. “YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEHAAAAAAAAAAAAWWWW”
  474. >Dash is getting tired but she’s not out of energy yet
  475. >you guys level out and you work the bolt
  476. >who’s next?
  477. >Rainbow sprints forward, clearing a large cliffside
  478. >everything gets much, much warmer
  479. >you look behind you and there’s a massive wall of fire
  480. >Rainbow’s burst of speed saved the both of you from a flaming ambush
  481. >three small dragons scatter from the cliff as you let off two rounds
  482. >you spot one flying with difficulty and let him have the other two brass solids
  483. >you work the bolt and conjure up some more rounds in the magazine
  484. >your head is pounding, but you can get Tylenol later
  485. >you head towards the nearest dragons
  486. >big group of really big dragons
  487. >they scatter
  488. >what really?
  489. >don’t they want some delicious 700 Nitro Express medicine?
  490. >they really fly off in random directions
  491. >fucking pussies
  492. >a goddamn midget riding the pegasus pride parade with a pea shooter scared them off
  493. >ha
  494. >or maybe what you thought was a mountain that was actually a crouching dragon ten times the size of the others started moving about and decided it was time to stop fucking around
  495. >you take off three pairs of sunglasses in a row
  496. >mother of god
  497. >it’s so fucking huge
  498. >it takes off, and just a wingbeat throws you both off course for a football field’s worth
  499. >Rainbow’s speed doubles, even over the massive maelstrom of wind
  500. >she dives down to get even more speed
  501. >you hold on for dear life
  502. >you hear a thundering crack over the hearing damage
  503. >the sky behind you explodes with color
  504. >the pegasus leaves a rainbow trail behind a massive rainbow explosion
  505. >you will never pick a fight with a fucker flagging rainbow colors ever again
  506. >you can barely see over the strong wind
  507. >you both fly right past the gargantuan dragon’s claws
  508. >you let both barrels go right between the huge beast’s eyes
  509. >the both of you fly right past its head
  510. >a wicked, building sized tail roars towards you and Dash spirals out of the way
  511. >that thing’s tail disturbed the air so much that Rainbow’s speed is cut
  512. >didn’t seem like the rifle had much effect
  513. >you work the bolt again, chambering two rounds
  514. >Rainbow skims the beast’s scales, tracing up around his back, getting closer to its head
  515. >this guy was the fucking boss dragon of boss dragons
  516. >it would have none of this shit
  517. >goddamn mall-sized arm swings around to obliterate you both but Rainbow makes a goddamn bolt of lightning look slow
  518. >you hug on tightly as she pulls move after move that threatens to make you black out
  519. >g-force like a motherfucker
  520. >she spirals up past the beast’s snout and stops in mid-air, almost taunting it
  521. >you just wait for the leader dickbag dragon to open its mouth
  522. >teeth are the size of schoolbuses
  523. >how in all of fuck did he get this big
  524. >this is just silly
  525. >you let off four rounds in the open maw
  526. >the massive dragon shakes his head and coughs
  527. >you are feeling pretty hopeless
  528. “IT’S NOT WORKING, ANON” yells Rainbow
  529. >you know this
  530. >you were running out of ideas
  531. >you needed a bigger gun
  532. “RAINBOW, I NEED YOU TO GET ABOVE HIM AGAIN”
  533. >she pushes her tired body, accelerating straight up
  534. >you can feel her trying to catch her breath, straining
  535. >you have only one chance at this
  536. “I am the Bone of my Rifle”
  537. >155mm bore
  538. “Steel is my Body and Fire is my Blood.”
  539. >you just need the barrel, breech and loaded round
  540. “I have created over a Thousand Guns”
  541. >the dragon is turning up to face you both as you dive down towards him
  542. “Unknown to Death”
  543. >you could feel the gun, the construction of the metal
  544. “Nor known to Life.”
  545. >this is gonna hurt a lot
  546. “Have withstood Pain to create many Weapons”
  547. >you hope you seriously just pass out so that you don’t feel the headache
  548. “Yet those Hands will never hold Anything.”
  549. >you stare at the huge dragon get closer, his huge maw opens
  550. “So, as I Pray—“
  551. >the massive cannon materializes in front of you, fire control around your hand
  552. “Unlimited Shooting Works”
  553. ---
  554. >Scootaloo looks at Rainbow, highly doubting even her own idol’s words
  555. “That so did not happen! You probably just ran away from the boss dragon or something. There’s no way Anon made a huge cannon appear out of nowhere to defeat that monster…” she says
  556. "Speak up, Scoots. My hearing isn't what it used to be." says the weathered multicolored pegasus
  557. >Scootaloo repeats herself loudly as Dash leans towards the excited filly
  558. >Rainbow finally nods and replies
  559. “It’s all true, girls. I was there! Would you believe me if I told you that on top of that, that something… Miraculous happened before Anon disappeared?”
  560. >Sweetie Belle, Applebloom and Scootalloo all get close to Dash, eagerly waiting for this revelation
  561. >Dash even pauses for dramatic effect, but finally, she says
  562. “After the cannon went off, it dropped on the dragon's hand and we landed on top of the fiery wreckage. Next thing I know, Anon is holding his rifle like a guitar as cords appear on the side, and another gun-guitar just appears in my hooves”
  563. >Dash turns and looks up, eyes brim full of tears, trying to hide her show of emotions to the fillies, casting a bittersweet glance at the guitar-rifle mounted on the wall
  564.  
  565. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UEpcS1r9-m4
  566.  
  567. “We rocked out, dancing on the boss dragon’s corpse until Anon just vanished”
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