breaks chair

“It’ll be interesting to see what happens when we get to your knee caps,” he said.

“You won’t be alive then,” I said.

“Oh yeah?” said One-Blade, a smile creasing his face. “Why not?”

“File say anything about my carpentry skills?”

Ever since he’d mentioned it, my swirling brain had been reliving the construction of the Adirondak chair. I’d run out of decking screws about three-quarters of the way through, but instead of heading in to Ace’s to buy more, I’d finished it off with a pack of brad nails I’d found in the garage. To secure the arm planks, I’d nailed the brads upward through the base so no nail heads showed. Gave it a nice clean look. As far as I could recall, the nail points only sunk in about half an inch.

“No,” said One-Blade, tilting his head up to meet my eyes. “Why?”

“They’re shit,” I said. I yanked my left arm upward. The steel cables’ incredible tensile strength held, of course. The brad nails’ thin points didn’t. With a high-pitched screech the arm plank ripped free. One-Blade’s eyes went wide. He jerked backward, but not before four-inches of raw iron stabbed into his right ear.

He died with a look of complete shock on his face.

...

I shot to my feet. The severely damaged chair was still attached to my lower legs. I raised a foot, heard another crack, then stomped at The Thing’s upturned, gaping face. He was down on all fours, leaning over his hands to whisper sweet nothings in my ear. He tried leaping back but his hands slipped in the coagulating blood. My heel bashed his cheekbone, knocking his chin into the floorboards. The chair base cracked in two. Mangled bits were still attached to each leg, but I had the use of both feet again.
-Sledge vs. The Labyrinth pg. 255-260