Captain Milky

> You and Milky are taking a walk on Trottingham’s park
> It’s a leisurely place, and nobody- er, nopony seems to be around
> You know what, fuck it, nobody. You’re not gonna give in to this ridiculous language these ponies make up
> Anyways the place is deserted, save for you and the milkmare
> Milky doesn’t seem to mind though. If anything, she’s content that she’s not going to get anymore unwanted attention from her milky jugs
> “I always like taking walks in the afternoon, darling. It helps shed some pounds off me.” Milky says as she happily trots beside you
> You honestly don’t want to take walks; you have better shit to do
> But your little waifu wanted you to tag along, and you figure it’s the least you can do for her

> You idly take a swig of water from a bottle you carry around
> It’s usually her milk you store, but now you thirst for just normal water
> “I’ve been letting myself go lately, and my girls here are telling me that.” She notes as she looks at her dangling teats.
“Milky, your tits are always large.”
> You say as you take another sip
> “But they look larger than usual!”
“That means you need to be milked.”
> “No, this is different! I actually feel like my breasts are being stored with cholesterol instead of milk. They’ve been more squishy and wobbly and I feel like they’re becoming fat. As in fat fat! Oh dear me!”
> Holy fuck you are getting tired of her rants
> Seriously ponies are the same as human chicks, worrying about their size even when they shouldn’t
> And bitching about everything
> Whatever, you’ll shut her up with your dick once you and her return back
> “And my hips seemed to have gained, too. This must be settled at once! Anon, we must take these walks as a daily routine.”
“What?! Fuck no!”
> Milky stops walking and turns to me
> “Anon, This is important! I cannot afford to gain anymore weight! I will set a bad example as a milkmare!”
> You let out a frustrated sigh
“For fuck’s sake, Milky, I ain’t taking anymore of this bullshit scenery tour. I have stuff to do.”
> Milky looks at me with a pouting face
> “Anon, do you think I’m fat?”
> No
> Fuck no
> You have watched, read, seen, and heard WAY too much conversations about this
> Any answer can and will be used against you
> “Well?”
> You don’t say shit
> “You do think so, do you?!” Milky says as she stomps her hooves
> “That does it! I will have to do this TWICE a day! And you will have to come with me, Anon!”
> FUUUUUUUUUUU.jpg

“Milky, listen you little-“
> You notice she’s not looking at you anymore, but rather behind you with a puzzled look
> You turn around and see a small red object in the distance
> “What’s that?” She says as she starts trotting towards it
> You follow behind, glad that you dodged yet another pointless argument
> You and her close up on the object and you get to see what it is
“What the hell...?”

“Is that Captain Falcon’s helmet?!”
> How in shit’s name did that get here?
> The helmet is lying in the grass. There doesn’t seem to be any scratches on it
> “Captain who?”
> Milky prods the helmet and it flips over
> “Hey look! It’s a helmet!”
“ Uh, yeah, it is.”
> You pick it up and inspect it
> It actually looks like the real thing
> Where did this come from?
> Milky jumps and lays her front hooves on your torso, trying to get the helmet
> “Hey! Lemme see!”
“Milky wait, I need to look at it.”
> “I saw it first! I wanna hold it!”
> She’s pushing you, trying to make you drop it
“Stop that!”
> Christ why are these ponies so fucking curious about everything?

> Well, this being here certainly interests you, but you don’t see any significance in keeping it
“Fine, here.”
> You drop it on the ground next to her
> She carefully observes it, looking at it around
“It’s just a stupid helmet. Forget about it.”
> Granted, it’s Falcon’s, but still
> Milky looks back up to you
> “Somepony must have dropped this. We must give it back.”
“And just how will we find the owner then?”
> You’re the only human here as far as you can tell
> It can’t really belong to him. Perhaps just a coincidental replica of it made by someone here?
> “We’ll put up fliers and ask ponies around. We can’t simply just leave it here.”
> Oh damn it, not more chores
“Fine, but do it yourself.”
> “Hey! Don’t you want to help give this back? It must be valuable to somepony!”
“Like I give a shit.”
> You reach for your bottle, but you realize it’s gone
> Oh, you dropped it over there when you went with Milky to see the helmet
> You walk over there, leaving her with the helmet


> You return back with the bottle and
> Oh what the fuck

> You see Milky with the helmet on
> She turns to you and gives you a goofy grin
> “Hey Anon! Look at me! I’m a superhero!”
> The helmet seems to fit her head, but some hair strands poke out
> You’re not sure if you find her cute or ridiculous
> She runs around happily with the helmet, her teats swaying back and forth as she gallops
> “What’s that? You need 8 bottle of milk in less than 30 minutes? Poor little foals are thirsty and need nutrition? Have no fear- Milkmare is here!”
> She laughs and jumps around, really happy with her new headwear
“Milky I thought you said we should return it”
> She turns to you
> “Oh, I know, darling, but this helmet is AMAZING! It’s so soft and comfortable, and I feel like a hero wearing it!”
> You sigh

> You continue watching her as she jumps around giggling, continuing to say more monologue of her heroic deeds
> Actually you find it pretty funny
> “Silly villain! You cannot stop the power of the teats! You will drown in my milk of fury!”
“Ok, that’s enough Milky. Let’s take this helmet out and keep it for now.”
> “Aww.... ok fine, but we need to search for the owner.”
> She prods the helmet, then awkwardly shifts her head around
> Looks like she got it stuck on her
> “Er.... a little help?”
> You walk to her and place both hands around the sides of her head
> You give a tug, but the thing remains put
> It’s really lodged on her head
> She’s nervously shifting her hooves around, uncomfortable with the fact that the helmet is stuck on her
“Shit. Alright, Milky, this is gonna hurt a little. Clench your teeth.”
> She slightly whimpers, but remains still
> “M-make it quick, alright?”

> You reposition your grip, and give a stronger pull this time
> You feel the helmet starting to slip off
“Alright, almost got it o—“
> Suddenly the helmet flashes with electricity, flinging you back
> You tumble backwards
“Oof! The hell?”
> You get back up and see Milky spazzing around with the helmet on her
> The helmet is throwing off electricity here and there, and Milky’s body is convulsing as it gets assaulted with electric shocks
> “AAAA-AAA-AA-AA-AA-AA!!”
> Even her voice is getting jumpy
“Shit! Milky!”
> You want to come closer, but the electricity is preventing you
> Holy fuck this is bad
> You have no idea what the hell’s happening
> “AAA-AAA-AAaaaaaa.......”
> The helmet stops generating shocks and Milky finally lies on the floor, her body still flickering electricity


“Milky, are you alright?!”
> Her body lies there, unmoving
> Oh crap, is she....?
“Milky answer me!”
> Still no response
> Panicking, you run over to her body, now smoking from the aftershock
> Save for some black marks, she looks fine
> The shocks, though, could have stopped her heart
“Milky please, answer me.”
> There’s no way you could lose her now
> You have to call for help
> You look around. Dammit, it’s just you two and the nearest aid could about 10 minutes
> While you ponder over what to do, Milky’s body suddenly tenses and she gives a gasp
> Oh good she’s ok
> You let out a relieved sigh
> That was some helluva of electricity that attacked her, but fortunately she’s still breathing
“Milky, are you alright?”
> She lies there, alive but not responding
> You reach your hand on her
“Milky...?”
> Suddenly, without warning, she jumps up and plants all four of her hooves on your head
> You are met face to face with her teats, inches away from your face
“ What the fuck?! Milky what are you-“
> Her body tense up again as she lets out a terrifying voice
> “FALCON-“

> “PUUUUUUUNNNNNNNNNCCCCCCCCCCHHHHHHH!!!!!!”
> Her giant tits crash into your face at the speed of light
> With unbelievable force, you go flying meters away, with torrents of milk flying everywhere
> You crash down, and are met with splashes of milk falling on you, completely drenching you
> You gasp for breath, your air having been squeezed out from the ambush
> You quickly get up, trying to balance yourself and your woozy head
“Fff-augh my god! What the hell?!”
> Trying to concentrate your still spinning eyes, you spot Milky again
> She’s still wearing Falcon’s helmet, but is giving off a sadistic smile at you
“ WHAT THE HELL’S WRONG WITH YOU?!”
> You shout at her, but she doesn’t react
> Instead, she grinds her front hoof against the ground
> “SHOW ME YA MOVES!”
> Holy balls she said that in Captain Falcon’s exact voice
> Did that fucking helmet possess her with his fiery spirit?!
> You take a step back, holding your hands up
“Milky, listen....”
> She tense again, and begins running at you at an alarmingly fast speed
> “YES!”
> Fuckfuckfuckfuckfuck

> You stand frozen in fear as she gains up on you
> Your brain is screaming at you to run, but you’ll practically piss yourself if you move again
> You’ve never been so scared in your whole life
> Once she’s close, she immediately jump in the air
> “FALCON-“
> Her high jump managed to get her whole body above your head as she flies over you
> It wasn’t until it was too late when you realized that not every part of her body managed to get above you
> “PUUUUUUUUUUUUNNNNNNNNNNNNCCCCCCCCCCCHHHHHHHHH!!!!!”
> You poor face once again got forcefully slammed into her mountainous jugs as she sweeps above you
> You fall down, hitting the back of your head painfully on the ground as another wave of milk splashes over you again
> Milky lands, shouting “YES!” as milk is sprayed everywhere
> You lay there, your mind completely dazed and shocked
> You literally have no more energy to move anymore
> You hear Milky turning around and facing your direction
> “SHOW ME YA MOVES.”
> You cannot answer
> She beat you mercilessly to the point of rendering you incapable of answering


> “SHOW ME YA MOVES.” She demands again
> All you could make is a groan, as you slowly try to pull yourself up
> You spit out a bloodied tooth, putting your hand over your spinning head
> As your eyes frantically try to make sense again, you see a double image of Milky again
> She still has the helmet on, and is giving off an angry look
> Seeing you trying to get up, she takes that as a sign that you want to fight again
> “YES!”
> She runs at you again with the speed of light
> You can’t believe it. This is how you’ll die
> In Equestria, a land full of ponies
> In the park of Trottingham
> By a pony with giant tits wearing Captain Falcon’s helmet
> A pony that you’ve made sweet love to in the past
> And with her motherly breasts that will be the one to take your life
> The last thing you’ll ever feel

> Captain Milky continues to charge to you
> All you could do is watch, you body completely wasted of energy
> “FALCON-“
> You close your eyes
> Seeing no way around, you accept your death
> You know that your time will be up one day, so you figure the best way to go is through the breasts of a pony you love
> “PUU-“
> Suddenly, before she could land the fatal boob-blow on you, a giant portal appears right behind you
> Captain Milky stops in her tracks and stares with her mouth open
> Weakly turning around, you caught a glimpse of the portal
> It has a purplish swirl in the middle, and it seemed to have appeared out of thin air
> This day keeps getting fucking weirder
> The portal suddenly starts shimmering and producing wobbling-like noises
“W-what is....?”
> Your headache is unbearable, too much for you to comprehend what is going on now
> The portal, given all the spasms it produced, finally gave out something
> Your eyes struggle to see what’s coming out
> When you finally got a clear focus, your mouth dropped just like Milky’s
> With a thunderous roar, loud enough to wake the gods, came the legend himself
> “FAAAALCOOOOOONN---“

> “PAAAAAAUUUUUUNNNNNNNCCCCCHHHHHHH!!!!”
> With a clear, smooth cut, Captain jumps straight out of the portal and delivers a crushing blow to Milky
> She goes flying like a meteor, her body forming a fiery trail behind it
> She crashes into a tree, completely obliterating it
> Milk drops spray everywhere from the impact, practically causing the whole area to rain with it
> Falcon cracks his knuckles and wipes off the steam from his punching hand
> He looks down on you
> You stare back, dumfounded
> His expression is emotionless as his eyes glare down on you

> Then he smiles and holds out his hand towards you
> You look at him, still not fucking getting anything that’s happening
> It took your half-working brain a full minute to realize that he’s helping you up
> You weakly take his hand, and he aggressively pulls you up on your feet
> He gives you a hard pat on your shoulder, as if assuring you
> Your voice is still trembling, but you managed to say one thing to him
“Captain....Falcon....? It’s you....?”
> “YES!”

> Falcon still stands with a proud posture, contrasted with your frail, beaten body
> Suddenly an explosion came out from a distance
> Oh shit, she’s still at it?!
> Captain Milky pops out from the rubble, not looking happy from the surprising blow
> Falcon sees her and assumes his fighting position
> Both Captains lock eyes with each other
> Both aren’t moving an inch
> The atmosphere suddenly gained 2 tons into it
> You would be shitting your pants if you hadn’t done so already
> A moment passes with the two still staring down at each other
> At least, it should be a moment, but for you it’s more like hours
> Falcon, seeing a lull in the stand-off, takes the first move
> He thrusts his hand out, leaning his body forward
> “COME ON!” He calls out to her
> Captain Milky smiles
> “YES!” She replies
> She runs forward as fast as lightning
> “SHOW ME YA MOVES” She shouts through her speed
> “YES!” Falcon replies back and charges forward
> He leaves your side before you can blink
> Both captains are going at each other, producing smoke and fire behind them
> They quickly gain up to each other, both pumped up with ferocious energy
> As soon as they are only meters away, they begin charging themselves
> “FAAALCOOOOONNNN---“ They both shout at the same time
> Holy fuck

> “PAAAAUUUUUUUNNNNNNNNCCCCCCCHHHHHH!!!!”
> Falcon’s fist collides with Milky’s teats, an effect that collapse the sound barrier
> After the split second, a huge explosion rang out
> A giant mushroom of fire and milk spilled out, splattering the whole area with boiling milk and completely burning everything within its radius
> Heat waves after heat waves began blowing into the area, making the place feel like an oven
> The unmatchable impact of the explosion forces you down again
> You plump down, nearly unconscious
> You brain gave up at this point
> You don’t know what the hell happened
> You don’t know how it happened
> You’re not even sure if you remember what started it all
> This whole ordeal proved too much for you, and you black out


> After an undetermined amount of time, you finally woke up
> You’re sweating like a pig, and your clothes are drenched with steaming milk
> Using every bit of what’s left of your energy, you painfully force yourself up
> Your mind’s still dazed, but at least you could see
> It’s nighttime now, probably midnight
> You look around at the park, or what’s left of it anyways
> You see that it’s reduced to utter rubble
> Milk puddles are everywhere and the whole place is colored black
> The place is filled with the scent of burnt milk
> Some trees are still on fire
> It’s as if a Milk Apocalypse happened here
> Your head is pounding and you’re tired as fuck
> You’ve had enough of today. You’re going back home
> As you begin to walk out, you can’t help but feel that you’re forgetting something
> ...
> Oh shit Milky!
> You shake your head to clear some confusion out and you run back
> You search the area around about three times before you finally find her

> She’s an utter wreck, completely covered in ashes
> The helmet is gone now and you can finally see her full face
> Whatever happened to it is the least of your problems as you see her damage
> She suffered some deep cuts and blows, and your pessimistic mind can’t help but realize that she’s dead at this point
> You perk your head up, though, when you hear that she is still breathing, although quietly
> She is a fucking Rasputin pony
> “Mmnn....” She groans as she tries to pull herself up
> As soon as she is on fours, she begins wobbling, then falling back down
> “Ow”
> She tries to get up again, but you place your hand on her and keep her down
“Milky”
> She slowly raises her head
> “Anon...?”
“ Stay still. Let me help you up.”
> You reach your hand over her other side and scoop her up
> “Ah”
> She winces at your touch
> “W-what happened here? Why is the whole park in ashes...?”
> ...
> She can’t be serious
“Milky, what’s the last thing you remember?”
> “Huh? Uh.... I was wearing my helmet and pretending to be a hero when.... hold on, where is it? And again, why is the whole area ruined? It smells ashy and... milky? Anon, what’s-“
> You put your hand over her mouth
“Just shut up. We’re going back home.”

> Captain Falcon must have misplaced his spare helmet or something, you don’t really know
> And from the looks of things, he won the battle and took the helmet off Milky and then left
> How he or the helmet even managed to get here is beyond your knowledge
> Oh fuck it, he’s Captain Falcon
> You carry your exhausted waifu out of the park
“Look, let’s pretend this whole day never happened. You make no mention of this and if anyone asks what happened at this park, say you have idea.”
> “...”
“And in return, I’ll take walks with you, but not every day, and not in this wrecked park anymore. Capiche?”
> “...ok?”
> Milky still has no idea what happened, and frankly you don’t either, but she seems content that you’ll go with her next time
> While you carry her out of the park, she turns her head back up to you
> “...Anon, you still haven’t answered my question. Do you think I’m fat?”
“... “
“No.”
> “You’re lying!”
> See?
> Fucking loaded question