for my sick tunes heres my top 42 albums https://imgur.com/a/zEFWW

1. Red House Painters – Have You Forgotten 00:00-06:04
2. Phoebe Bridgers – Would You Rather 06:05-09:13
3. Phoebe Bridgers – Funeral 09:14-12:37
4. Elliott Smith – Say Yes 12:38-14:53
5. Mitski – Class of 2013 14:54-16:32
6. Julien Baker – Turn Out the Lights 16:33-19:51
7. Jim James – A New Life 19:52-24:13
8. Japanese Breakfast – Body is a Blade 24:14-27:27
9. Smashing Pumpkins – Tonight, Tonight 27:28-31:36
10. (Sandy) Alex G – Proud 31:35-36:27
11. Beatles – In My Life 36:28-38:46
12. Sufjan Stevens – Greatest Gift 38:47-40:28
13. Beach House – Chariot 40:29-45:40
14. Deakin – Golden Chords 45:43-52:07

In a time of overwhelming futures set by the delusions of grandeur imposed from birth, music is the universal language that reminds us that we are all human. Right now, it is especially an overwhelming and unsure time when we are put on a pedestal and forced to decide what our futures will look like. In my mind, I ask myself, “If everyone else is able to do it, then why does it come so hard to me?”, but music is there as a personal remedy, burning lavender guiding me through this journey mentally and even physically. I made this mix with songs that I feel we can both relate to. You may already know some of them, but hopefully this will give a more personal connection to songs that have been of aid to me. While the mix is about the difficult transition into adulthood and reaching our own personal Eden, I hope this will inspire hope through the recurring themes of vulnerability and imperfection.

1. Red House Painters – Have You Forgotten
I start the mix with this song because it sets the mood perfectly. “Have you forgotten how to love yourself?” is the question that we know we should ask ourselves, but can be difficult to confront. It can be difficult to love yourself in a time where we’re comparing ourselves to others, deluding our thoughts with false realities. In reality, the world is comprised of billions of emotional beings. This song has very specific lyrics remembering the innocence of our responsibility-free childhoods with struggles that seem mundane years later. It’s interesting and also a bit depressing to think about how in life, it seems we never know what we want to be. When we’re kids, we can’t wait to grow up and be adults, but when we’re adults, we want to be kids again. Despite these thoughts, the song sheds a glimpse of hope by forcing the bleak reality upon ourselves, questioning why we don’t tend to love ourselves when, in reality, we know that we should.
2. Phoebe Bridgers – Would You Rather
Phoebe Bridgers has definitely been an important artist to me this year. I highly recommend her album, Stranger in the Alps, because of its depressingly beautiful lyrics of love and uncertainty. I chose this song in particular because it was originally written for her brother, so it seems fitting. To me, this song’s guitar gives off a nostalgic vibe again, but the lyrics are so relatable at times that it’s a bit scary. Phoebe sings about how we have a sense of each other's fears and struggles, yet despite growing up and moving away, we can only hope and root for the success of each other. We think alike and when we reunite, we’ll be telling each other about the same things, just through different wordings and situations. The closing lyric, “when you touch down, I’ll be waving” always gives me a bit of a bittersweet reaction because it’s true, but it’s hard to express.
3. Phoebe Bridgers – Funeral
I’ll admit I’m cheating by putting another Phoebe Bridgers song, but I had to put it because this is one of my top songs of the year. The song is so personal and depressing with lyrics like, “Jesus Christ, I’m so blue all the time and that’s just how I feel, always have and I always will” and “And I have this dream where I'm screaming underwater, While my friends are all waving from the shore, And I don't need you to tell me what that means, I don't believe in that stuff anymore”. When I first heard this song, I couldn’t help but get chills and be brought to tears. There’s not much more to add because my words aren’t not enough to do the lyrics justice.
4. Elliott Smith – Say Yes
I remember in the beginning of October, this song and “Funeral” were on repeat all day. The song gives off a warm, yet deject tone that I guess can be a reflection of life. We’re so hell-bent on the approval of others, but sometimes, it just never comes. With life catching up to ourselves at times, sometimes the only thing we can do is hope for a hint of a spark from someone else.
5. Mitski – Class of 2013
I kind of modeled this mix after the hero’s journey that’s common in literature, so this would be the abyss. This is the most depressing song on it and I feel the song is really relatable to how you would feel. When I listen to this, I imagine how I would feel if I were in your perspective. I would really want to come back to live a life with fewer responsibilities and with my family, but I really know that I shouldn’t even though life can just be so fucking hard at times.
6. Julien Baker – Turn Out the Lights
If this were still to be based on the hero’s journey, this would be the transformation, climbing out of the abyss. As humans, we’re judged based off the success and happiness of each other, and as a result, we’re so inclined to give a dishonest impression to others. Deep down, we all know that’s not who we truly are. The opening lyrics, “There’s a hole in the drywall still not fixed, I just haven’t gotten around to it, and besides, I’m starting to get used to the gaps”, is so relatable at times when we know we’re not where we want to be and that we need to do something about it, but we just aren’t able to because of where we are mentally. When we “Turn Out the Lights” and are forced to confront our own thoughts is when we’re most vulnerable, but also most human. By ending the song with the loud guitar and vulnerable vocals as a crescendo, Julien suggests we accept and take pride of this vulnerable side because that’s really who we are. Julien Baker has become a major inspiration to me this year through her warm embrace of the ugliness in existence. This video https://youtu.be/_tCIeKR-AXs?t=214 and her albums, Sprained Ankle and Turn Out the Lights, give me hope.
7. Jim James – A New Life
This song gives me hope for a better future. The lyrics and background are so direct that there’s not much more I can add to this one.
8. Japanese Breakfast –Body is a Blade
Japanese Breakfast/Michelle Zauner is also one of my major inspirations this year and I’m pretty sure you already know how much of a fan I am of hers. This song was written after the death of her mother when Michelle was forced to deal with rediscovering her own identity. “The body is a blade that moves while your brain is writhing”. When it just feels like your brain can’t take it anymore, your body is there to persevere and tell you to move on. “Try your best to slowly withdraw from the darkest impulses of your heart”. For me, this song gives me strength by memorializing and broadcasting my thoughts perfectly to be appreciated by others feeling the same way. The entire album is just such a fucking masterpiece to me. Even though it’s not sonically anything new, the album takes you away from earth where you explore your “Soft Sounds from Another Planet”, but takes you back to the world with hope by coming to terms with the hard realities that come at the expense of life.
9. Smashing Pumpkins – Tonight, Tonight
The song has such beautiful instrumentals and the theme of the lyrics is “to find the courage to lose oneself in the moment where all is possible”. The imperfection in Billy Corgan’s voice in contrast to the beautiful orchestra in the background reminds us that there’s beauty in imperfection and being human.
10. (Sandy) Alex G – Proud
There’s not much I can add to this, but the song has a campy vibe that reminds me of taking a road trip.
11. Beatles – In My Life
This is a song that I never knew that I would come to like so much. While there are times when you memorialize the past through rose-tinted glasses, it’s important to live in the present. The song makes me appreciate life and being grown-up. Sometimes, it’s crazy to think about how long we’ve been alive and how much we’ve gone through, but in reality, we’re only here for a fraction of a fraction of time. Even though you can acknowledge the horrors and absurdities of life, there’s no harm in creating disillusions to reserve yourself away from such.
12. Sufjan Stevens – Greatest Gift
This is pretty much just an extension of the last song, but this is a reminder of the beauty of the world and how lucky we are to be able to experience everything.
13. Beach House – Chariot
This song seemed like the perfect closer because listening to it feels like ascending to heaven. There’s not much more I can add because it’s Beach House and I think we both know the feeling of tranquility from listening to them.
14. Deakin – Golden Chords
Think of this song as a kind of epilogue to the whole mix. The song reflects on the way we should view ourselves in such a human and natural way. We always expect so much out of ourselves and in turn, we become someone we’re not in order to achieve it. I love the lyrics to this song so much because of how peaceful and wholesome it is. Even if we don’t know who we are or what we want to be, there’s always “a brother to shake these broken chords till they turn gold”.