[PiE] (Un-named Story) Prologue: A World on the Verge of War

>You are Anonymous
>You have been living in Equestria for over a year
>So far you've made friends with most ponies in Ponyville, and to a lesser extent, the princesses
>You've told them stories of Earth, and most are fascinated to hear of Earth's technology
>You remember Luna was especially impressed when you told her about the moon landing
>A species that sent a man to the moon, not as a punishment, but as a way to prove themselves
>It has a nice ring to it.
>There's one thing these ponies don't know, however
>You haven't been living in Equestria this entire time

>Hiding in the Everfree Forest is your portal back home
>You haven't told anyone about this, either on Earth or Equestria, for fear of creating some sort of interspecies mess that might end in war
>In fact, you've done a pretty good job at covering it up on both sides of the portal
>On Equestria's side, you've hidden it in plain site - underneath a seemingly occupied camping tent
>Most ponies are polite enough to not mess with people's stuff, so you have no need of further security
>The exception to this rule is Pinkie Pie, but you manage to keep her paid off with an assortment of sweets from Earth every month
>She's really good at keeping her promises, so you always try and surprise her with different treats every time so she'll stay on your good side
>On the Earth side, things are even easier - the portal is in your closet.
>All you have to do is pay the rent every month and keep the door locked, blinds closed, and closet door closed
>Fortunately, getting the funds to support both your rent and Pinkie's candy addiction isn't difficult

>You have a job in Equestria.
>It doesn't pay much in terms of bits - in fact it barely affords you a room in Sugarcube Corner across the hall from Pinkie Pie, along with a small amount of spending cash
>But that remaining spending cash, a measly 82 bits, affords you more than most ponies will realize
>While 2 bits may only buy you an apple pie in Equestria, it's enough on its own for you to pay the rent on your apartment and sneak back food into Equestria.
>The reason for this is simple - Equestrian bits are made of gold.
>In Equestria, gold is a fairly common metal - so common that bits have the purchasing power of maybe a couple of dollars back on Earth
>On Earth, gold is worth as much as you'd expect, over a grand for an ounce.
>The Equestrian bit contains approximately 37 grams of gold, and when melted down into a nugget, fetches you a nice cool $1500 a pop.
>How fortunate you are that Princess Celestia does not know you are defacing her currency.
>Speaking of Celestia, you received a letter from her this morning...

Dear Anonymous:

I hope you have been enjoying your time here in Equestria as much as we have been enjoying spending time with you. Every letter I have received from Twilight since your arrival has been one anecdote or another involving you and helping out ponies in need. It is because of this level of altruism in you that I have come to ask of you a favor. Please see me in Canterlot Castle by tonight. I will be sending a carriage of pegasi guards to escort you.

Sincerely,
Princess Celestia

>You are currently in a carriage, with the sun beating down on you very harshly
>As it descends into Canterlot, you begin to wonder what the hell Celestia could want of you
>It isn't common for a Princess to ask anyone a favor when they have so many servants around at all times
>Not that you wouldn't oblige anyways; Celestia's a good friend of yours
>Still, whatever could be troubling a princess of over 1000 years is worrisome on its own.

>You arrive at the palace and are brought into a large room, where both Celestia and Luna are sitting on their thrones
>To your surprise, there is no one here except for the princesses, the guards that brought you hear, and yourself
>Normally, citizens try to bring their bothers to the princesses around the evening, when both are awake
>And yet, the room is silent as ever
>You gulp, realizing that this probably isn't going to be a small favor

>Princess Celestia stands up and offers a dismissive hoof to the guards
>You are now alone with two royal alicorns.
"So, princesses... you called for a favor?"

>"Yes, Anonymous," says Celestia in a somber voice that she has been hiding for perhaps all day
>"What do you know of war?"
>Yeah, no, you're not doing this. Not fighting for another species' cause
"Sorry Celestia, but that's the one area I'm not offering any help in"
>The sound of your words seem to crush any sense of hope there was in the alicorn
>However, your attention is soon captured by her younger, yet more intimidating sister
>"PERHAPS WE MAY CONVINCE THEE OTHERWISE, MR. MASTER OF THE DOUBLE LIFE"
>Oh shit, what?
"What are you talking about, Luna?"
>"THOU KNOWEST EXACTLY WHAT WE ARE TALKING ABOUT. WE KNOW OF THY PORTAL BACK TO EARTH"
>Yep, they know. Fuck.
"And how would you know of any such thing?"
>"THY DREAMS BETRAY THEE, ANON."
>NSA, eat your heart out
>Bitch can spy on her subjects through their dreams
>At least she can't read your conscious thoughts
"...Alright, what do you need to know."

>Celestia places a hoof on your shoulder
>"Anonymous, I know you must come from a very peaceful species, I can tell it from your actions and from the accomplishments I have heard of your species"
>Clearly your dreams don't betray you enough
>"And I wouldn't ask this of you were it not for dire circumstances."
>She begins to breath a heavy sigh
>"Would your species have any technology that might be able to fend off a million griffon army?"
>An understatement if there ever was one.
>You don't know too much about warefare here in Equestria, but you do know that the most powerful weapon you've seen here was a cannon
>And it wasn't even used as a weapon - just as Pinkie Pie's party machine
>In fact, you haven't seen anypony wielding gunpowder weapons - Princess Celestia's guards even just use polearms
"Alright Princess, I may be able to help you. First I need to ask you a few questions"
>Celestia makes no hesitation in her response "Anything, Anon. What do you need to know?"
>You take a deep breath

"Okay... First, how large are your forces? Second, how much time do you have to prepare? Third, how much money are you able to spend? Finally, how important is victory to you?"
>The alicorn does a few calculations in her head before answering.
>"Our numbers are about 100,000, however if I instantiate a draft, I may be able to pull that number up to around 250,000. Even with that much and an advantage in magic, victory is not necessarily certain, and may come at a cost in lives I am not willing to make. Griffons breed fast and often, and raise their children to be hunters and warriors. Even if we win a war, we may end up losing in the long run. With regards to time, the griffons have given us 2 weeks to pay up on their ultimatum for 100 billion bits. We currently only have 20 billion bits, and I'd rather not spend more than 12 billion on a war if I can avoid it, lest our nation go bankrupt"
>12 billion bits? Celestia, you could pay off the US national debt with that money
>"As for your last question, I am not sure what you mean. Victory means we can continue on as a species without worrying about having to pay up to the griffons' demands whenever they feel they need a tribute"
"Yes, but are you willing to use cruel weapons?"
>"What?"

"My country has averaged a war every 20 years, Celestia. Our weapons are powerful enough that no standing army on Equestria could scare us. We also have the power to make every nation on this planet scared of ever so much as touching you again."
>The room goes silent for a few minutes as Celestia and Luna both drop their jaws, stare at each other, stare at you, and then back eat each other. Your words ring through them as if they were speaking to the devil himself.
>Celestia is the first to speak
>"And what if we were to add on one last stipulation, Anon - that we not lose our equinity in the process of obtaining victory?"
>You smile
"Then that would be the stipulation necessary to obtain my cooperation. I can't guarantee that I can get our government to help you, but if I know my country, then I can tell you two things. The first is that the people love an underdog. The second is that our government and corporations follow the golden rule"
>"IF THOU FOLLOWED THE GOLDEN RULE, THEN WHY HAST THOU MADE THY SO CALLED 'CRUEL WEAPONS'?"
>So even ponies call it that - an odd thought.
"No, Luna, the other golden rule. Whoever holds the gold makes the rules."
>Celestia turns to you with a concerned look in her eyes
>"Do you think we have enough gold to persuade them?"
>"IF WE HAVE BEEN READING HIS DREAMS CORRECTLY, THE CONVERSION RATE OF OUR CURRENCY TO THEIRS IS APPROXIMATELY FIFTEEN HUNDRED TO ONE. ANONYMOUS HAS BEEN PAYING FOR HIS RENT AT HOME WITH BUT A SINGLE BIT PER MONTH, AND SPENDING ANOTHER BIT TO AFFORD VARIOUS AMMENITIES."
>Awkward as fuck
>"And you've been holding this back from us, Anonymous?"
"Celestia, after the stunt we're about to pull, several markets are probably going to crash. Gold's value in Earth is due to its rarity, not its utility. You probably have more gold in your treasury than we have mined in the history of the planet."
>"That is... certainly a wise reason to keep us from freely trading away our bits I suppose. But perhaps I may be able to prevent such an event if you allow me to accompany you to the negotiations?"
"Princess, not only would I be honored for you to accompany me to my planet, but I'm actually going to require it. There's 7 billion people on my planet, over 300 million of which live in my country. Not just anybody can talk to the president."