Peppers

1/4
>Working in your vegetable garden one morning.
>Hear rustling in the nearby bushes.
>ohfucknotagain
>Throw a rock.
>With a squeal of fear a dozen fluffy ponies tumble out.
>They roll around stupidly on the grass.
>Then they notice your vegetable garden.
>Fluffies are dumbstruck in awe of beautiful vegetables.
>"Wook!" "So good nummies!" "Fwuffy hungwy!"
>There's a picket fence, but they've burrowed under those before.
>They haven't noticed you yet.
>Stand up.
>Three or four fluffies shriek and dive back into the bushes.
>Others hold their ground.
>One is their spokesfluffy.
>"Fwuffies wan' nummies! Hooman gif fwuffy nummies!"
>Oh jeeze...a "Smarty-Friend."
"Get lost you little vermin and none of you get hurt."
>The little morons don't back down.
>They snort, puff up their cheeks, stomp the ground.
>You're gonna regret this, fluffies.
"Oh no! Don't hurt me fluffies! I'm afraid! Don't hurt human!"
>One sympathetic and especially dumb fluffy rushes forward.
>"Nu, fwuffies am not scawy! Hooman wan' huggies?"
>Other fluffies slap him and force him back into line.
>"Hooman gif good nummies ow fluffies gif big owwies!"
"Nooo! Please don't do that! I'll give you my special nummies!"
>Fluffies chatter in excitement.
>"Fwuffies wan' speciaw nummies!" "Gif speciaw nummies!"
"Okay, okay, just don't hurt me, please!"
>Time to pick some special nummies.

2/4
>You got these insanely hot peppers on your vacation to Chile.
>That was 6 years ago, since then you've bred them even hotter.
>They're red...fluffies like colorful things.
>You hate to waste so many, but it'll be worth it.
>Carefully pick 12 peppers.
>Carefully.
>Even the juice can burn your fingers.
>Smarty friend is enraged.
>"NUUUU! Hooman get mowe! Widdle bit nu enough!"
>Stamps his hooves in a tantrum display.
"Oh, please mighty fluffies, forgive me!"
>"Get mowe NUMMIES!"
"These special nummies are best when they're fresh. I'll pick more as you eat them, so they're freshest."
>You can tell the little idiots really don't understand.
>But they're hungry, so they don't argue.
"Put your heads through these fence gaps, fluffies."
>Dumb fluffy ponies blindly obey, despite thinking they're in charge.
>Gaps are just big enough, fluffies squeeze their heads through.
>"Now gif speciaw nummies!"
"Please...one more step my mighty fluffy masters."
>You get one last piece of wood.
>Long and thin board...maybe 2inch x 6 feet.
>Nail it into place above fluffy necks, pinning them in place.
>"Whaaa! Fwuffy stuck! Wet fwuffy go!"
"But master, now you can relax while I feed you nummies."
>Fluffy ponies actually fall for it.
>They think they're more comfortable this way.
>"Nuu mowe time! Gif nummies NOW!"
>Smarty friend is insistent.
>"Smawty fwiend eat speciaw nummies fiwst! Wan' best nummies!"
"Okay, here ya go..."

3/4
>Step over fence.
>Now you're behind the fluffies.
>They face into your garden, trapped by the neck.
>Using pocket knife, make 4 slices down side of biggest pepper.
>Careful to avoid the juice.
>"Hey! Whewe hooman go? Gif speciaw nummies!"
"Oh, certainly my fluffy master...you get the biggest one."
>You know what happens next.
>Yank up tail, jam insanely hot Chilean pepper up fluffy butthole.
>"Huh? Dat not nummies pwace, dat...OWWWWWIIIIEEEE!!!"
>Smarty friend screams and thrashes.
>He can't escape.
>Other fluffies panic and try to flee.
>No chance, they're in there tight.
>You have eleven more peppers left.
>Take your time...terror is important.
>Each pepper gets 4 delicate slices down its length.
>Each fluffy gets a burning hot pepper up the butt.
>After two or three start screaming the rest realize what's up.
>"Nuuu! Dun wan' speciaw nummies." "Fwuffy sowwee, pwease wet go!"
>nope.avi
>Fluffies scream as capsaicin burns their tender rectal tissue.
>You know it hurts like hell.
>Cut your finger once, the juice got in.
>Holy shit that burned.
>That was 6 years ago...before you bred them to be even hotter.
>"PWEEAASSEE! F-f-fwuffy poopies pwace huwt! Fwuffy buwning!"
"Yeah, I'll bet it does hurt."
>Go inside, crack a beer.
>Watch a movie inside your house.
>Surround sound speakers don't even drown out sounds of fluffies.
>Screaming and crying out by your garden.
>Good thing you don't have neighbors to complain.
>Movie takes two hours.
>Grab some rubber bands, go back outside.

4/4
>Exhausted fluffies are no longer thrashing.
>They lay whimpering and weeping.
>Still in agony, buttholes blistered with chemical burns.
>Face fluff soaked with tears and drool.
>Tender hooves bloody from struggling against wooden fence.
>"Pwease...pwease take speciaw nummies out poopies pwace."
"Oh, you don't like my special nummies?"
>One fluffy bawls in dismay; "Nummies fow mouf, not poopies pwace!"
"Oh...you want food for the mouth!"
>Despite their fatigue and pain, fluffies perk up.
>"Mouf nummies now?"
"Sure thing, fluffies."
>Yank the peppers out of their buttholes.
>Yelps of pain, followed by sighs of relief.
>Step over the fence again.
>Pinch smarty-friend's snout, force mouth open.
>Jam butt pepper in his mouth.
>Rubber band is enough to keep mouth shut.
>Smarty friend lets out muffled squeal.
>Other fluffies cry in dismay.
>"Nuuu! Dun wan' poopies pwace nummies! Yucky!"
>They forget how "yucky" it is when the burn kicks in.
>Still plenty of capsaicin left in these peppers.
>Finally let the herd go.
"Be sure you tell all your friends about my good nummies!"
>Fluffies limp back into the forest.
>Burned tongues wagging.
>Even walking hurts their blistered buttholes.
>Too bad, fluffies.
>It's a 3 mile walk to fresh water.
>Ungrateful fluffies never even thanked you.