Me: What's up hombre?

him: nothing but the sky

me: Good answer.
You pass the first test.

him: Cool

me: The next test, however, is much, much, much harder.

him: Shoot, gunning 1/1

me: Stand on one foot, pat your head and rub your tummy, and recite the Pali Canon backwards.

him: lol prefer not to burn off brain cells

Me: You fail the second test. You are banished, and cursed to live in solitude for the rest of your life in the wastelands of some far away place.
How do you feel?

Him: Sweet! I'm going to Disney Land!

me: Good choice.
Along the way you will encounter many trials. You will have to face your own dark side. If you fail to overcome it, you will be consumed by it and you will spend the rest of eternity in an endless abyss of nightmares.

him: Oh really? That's like a vacation compared to life now... I'll take it!

me: I... see.... Hmmm...
Did I mention the kittens?
The demonic kittens that will constantly eat away at you? Devouring your very mind and soul?

him: Heh heh at least I can pet them, last soul and mind eating animals managed to go crazy and destroy my beautiful china

Me: China's not all that beautiful actually. I've seen it.

Him: lol I was referring to the dishes

Me: Dishes? What dishes? Chinese people use their hands.

Him: ha ha nevermind

Me: So anyway, after facing your dark side, and the kittens, you will face everyone you have ever wronged. They will be armed with long fingernails and large chalkboards.

Him: Earplugs do wonders

Me: After that, you will face everyone who has ever been effected by something you did. Whether you realized it or not. They will waterboard you for half an eternity.

him: mmmmm waaaaaateerrr

Me: If that doesn't completely annihilate what remains of your mind, there is more.

him: Bring it on

me: You will suffer a thousand and one deaths.

him: Meh, tis nothing

me: Finally, you will face rejection by everyone you ever cared about.
Rinse, and repeat from step one.

him: Yum

me: Should, by some miracle, you survive this 10 times, with even a sliver of who you are left, you will be rendered completely and utterly impotent in every way possible, forced to rely completely and utterly on others. Sadly, everyone will have rejected you, and thus you will be alone, to die a slow, painful death, alone. You will then spend eternity in completely and utter pain.
There is no hope.
No peace
You are damned no matter what.

him: Hope? Peace? Damned? Have you taken a look outside?

me: Where there is life, there is hope. Except for you.

him: Blah, life has been overrated

me: And this is why you are a sad and lonely man Sazahn Seals.

him: Hey, makes life easy than anything.

me: That's your opinion, and you are entitled to it.