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Fuck you, Javascript

a guest Apr 8th, 2015 375 Never
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  1. I can no longer take it. I have to vent. 140 characters are not nearly enough for me to express
  2. the frustration and sometimes rage, that I have been feeling for the past few weeks, as I go from
  3. being a full-time Python developer, to trying my hand at maintaining a Node.js REST API. Javascript
  4. is riddled with so many bugs and unintuitive things to the point that I find it crippling.
  6. Yes, this is a rant.
  8. Fuck you, Javascript. Fuck you Node. Fuck you and your asynchronous hippy startup trash ecosystem which
  9. thinks providing a 2 file module on Github with a 4-line readme makes you a library maintainer and thus,
  10. makes you somehow above an imaginary threshold. Fuck your lack of documentation. Fuck your filthy and disgusting
  11. Async patterns. Fuck your callbacks for ruining my year before it even started. Fuck your coding patterns that are
  12. so rigid that you sigh in resignation before you've even thought through the entire idea but just know that you're gonna
  13. have to make a few changes in the code. Fuck your lack of good performance libraries that allow me the freedom to
  14. fucking print the response time of an operation. Fuck your console.time and console.timeEnd for being utter filth.
  15. Fuck your braces. Fuck your modules. Sweet Jesus Christ fuck your modules. Fuck your null and undefined. Fuck your truthy values.
  16. Fuck your scope rules that stop working at random. Fuck your silent failures. Fuck your lack of proper data structures
  17. in the language. Fuck your event loop. Fuck your if (err). Motherfuck your callbacks.
  19. Die, Javascript. Why won't you fucking die? What do I have to do? Who do I have to pay to kill you? Please die.
  20. I really really want to see you die a horrible miserably death, I want to relish the silence that follows, because it will
  21. not have your voice in it. I want to make love to sweet Python, Ruby, or hell, I'll even take Haskell at this point, but not you filthy
  22. whore. Never you.
  24. KThnxBye.
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