OZ ADVENTURES WITH MAGIC 1

Driving down the highway in my work-supplied ute, I rubbed my chin and glanced at the time on my dashboard. 11 o'clock. Bloody hell, what a time to be out. And on a Saturday night when I could be cracking open some beers with my mates, too. Really, that plumbing company had some nerve calling me out all the way down to Bunbury for a job. Okay, it was a pretty huge mess but down to fucking Bunbury, of all places. That's a three hour drive, that is.

I rubbed my eyes, but the brief distraction was enough for me to miss some animal run onto the road. After I saw the flash and the loud crunching sound that followed I slammed on me brakes, my ute pulling to a stop. Stepping out of my ute in haste, I took out a small torch from the glovebox and walked up to the the back of the road, where the probably-now dead animal was bleeding out onto the road.

...That ain't an animal. Aw, fuck.

Moving the light upwards slowly, there were a pair of skinny legs, most definitely broken, a frilly coloured skirt, a smashed in torso with some kind of costumed bra or some shit and a blank face, topped with pink coloured hair. She looked happy for some reason, but what I was looking at was at how much skin there was. Damn, nice sideboob. Even coloured in all that blood, I still got a boner. If I got out of this without going to court and getting thrown in with all the abos in jail, I think I might have a wank. Still, poor bloody sheila. Weird as fuck what some chick is doing in the bush this late. Actually, what she's doing in the bush fullstop.

I stood there, deep in thought about what to do with the body (other than take it in the ute) when some cunt hits me upside the head. I whirl around, ready for a brawl with the guy that was probably chasing this chick.. But I was not expecting what I saw.
It was this pink blob thing, dressed in some yellow nappy and looked like something out of the chinese cartoons those fucking wee-boo circlejerk over, but it was wearing an akubra hat and had a pretty respectable layer of stubble on its face. I peered at it closely, confused as fuck at this point. It looked pretty pissed, though.

"OI, PUUCUNT." It said in an Australian accent that was even more powerful than anything I had ever heard. I was almost blown back by his accent, but I held my ground. "Did you fuckin' kill my magic chick, puucunt?"
Not only a chinese cartoon, this guy was bogan as shit. I stood up straighter, rolling up my sleeves on my hoodie I wore over my tradee shirt. "Oi, mate, you wanna pick a fight? That bitch just ran in front of my ute! Not my fault cunt."
The pink thing seemed really flustered, pulling a Corona out of nowhere and skulling the whole thing. Wow, what a fucking legend.
"Alright mate, you really asked for it. You're gonna hafta pay for that shit, puucunt."

Before I could call him a cunt again and also compliment him on taking that beer like a champ, it put its stubby little arms in front of him and a miasma of swirling bright colours filled my vision and I felt myself floating away, like I was back on the acid trip again.
"Aw fuuuuuuuuuuuuck-" I managed to speak out before something that I could only describe as magic start overloading my body, making it feeling so malleable, like clay. Cosmic hands started to sculpt a new figure from the corporeal flesh of mine, turning back rough, scarred skin to soft and smooth flesh, rewinding the clock to a time where the body was more youthful. I got shorter and the gentle hands of the universe smoothed out the curves of the art project that was my body, tugging slowly at my hair as it grew further out from my body. With one final pat, it was done. The swirl of colours began to fade.

When the world came to again, the sun was starting to rise. I was lying on the ground in an oversized tradee uniform and hoodie. The pink thing, dead girl, my ute and my cock was gone. I had tits and was also twenty kilometres away from Perth.
Looking around at everything with a frown, I said the first thing that came to mind.

"Aw fuck."