Made to apologize

[22:22] It stung. It hurt. It pierced right through her skin and made her feel like she was being destroyed from the inside out. This blade was painful enough to force Rindou to drop her grasp on a weakened Isaac, leaving her face to face with an angry Aurora instead.

The Ookami's scream. Isaac's better-than-all attitude. Reaper's looming threat of eating her. Aurora's demand for an apology. The rest of the group looking at her, treating her like she was the horrible monster here.

What did she lack to be treated the way she was supposed to? She deserved respect - she deserved to be admired. But she wasn't. No one looked at her the way she had looked at the Shogun when she first met him, the way she looked at the Chancellor for years. The way that she looked at the Regent in her weakest moments.

She had gone from surpassing Caira to being lesser than her. She was supposed to be her rival, but their lives... split away. They parted, not because Rindou did anything wrong, no. She just wasn't strong enough. She wasn't like Adrian enough.

Even in Briar Locke she had been treated like trash; forced to bow down, kneel, and apologize in the same manner that Aurora was forcing upon her right now.

What did Rindou lack?
Why wasn't she enough?
Why couldn't she speak her mind without death looming over her?

Others could. Aurora never backed down. Caira ascended to warchief. Ashalle took whatever she wanted whenever she wanted it. Even a monster like Reaper was allowed to come on the expedition despite Isaac's demand of him being turned back.

If only she could be like them.
If only she could be better.
So that she'd never have to be the one they looked at in disgust.
So that she'd be the one they admired.
Another chance, another life.

Even when kindness was attempted it wasn't enough for everyone else. This was how the Illuminated's life was; everything was out of reach, yet anyone else could reach it. They could change the world. They could have their will manifest itself, but her? They hated her. They hated her for who she was.

Why couldn't she be someone else? Someone who didn't have all the weight of Calael's demands on her shoulder. Someone who didn't have to care about Agartha. Someone who didn't have to bow to others. Why was life like this?

Rindou Sakamoto had no choice but to accept her fate. The glow around her diminished as she relinquished herself to reality, unable to go against those who were above her; those who ruled her town.

"... Sorry for not leaving." She practically whimpered.
(Rindou Sakamoto)
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