Dear Lucas,
Hello, I really don’t know how to start this letter since I’m not good at writing letters at all, but oh well, let’s give it a try.
To be honest I’m kinda inspired and I really think you need a good apology from me because all of what I’ve done to you.
It’s 1:52 AM right now and I’m not sleepy, which means I will be very honest so this letter comes from the deepest part of my heart. I’m truly sorry for all what I’ve done to you and for how much I’ve hurt you. I know I don’t deserve you accepting my apology, but I really want to do it and feel like I should do it. Maybe I wasn’t the perfect girl you wanted me to be or the one you thought I was, but I really tried to be perfect for you or at least the best for you. I’m so sorry for all the terrible moments that I’ve made you go through and I want to thank you the almost five months that I was with you because I was really happy for the first time in a while and it was all because of you. I was really in love with you and maybe I still am but I just can’t get you off my mind; yeah, you had your defects, but they made you perfect for me. You have no idea how much it hurts me to see you hate me and how you forgot about me so quickly, in just one week, then go date or whatever thing you had with Sophie and that’s when I realized you hated me didn’t want to know about me ever again. It’s just horrible to see that the person you love hates you.
Do you remember when we used to watch movies together? The time we watched a horror movie and you were really scared? Or when we first call each other baby? Or those times you used to show me how you played some games you liked? Or when I screenshared for like only four times? It was really ama omg and I’m never going to forget all the happiness you gave me; and of course there were bad moments, as with everything, since it’s normal. I really and truly wish the best for you. I honestly dreamed a whole life with you and how we were going to meet, just all the plans we had together. It’s the most beautiful experience I’ve ever had with someone, our relationship.
Now let’s talk about the main problem we had. I think Sophie was really hitting on you and you wouldn’t do anything about it, so the first thing I thought and still think is that you got bored of me and got feelings for her, and I just wanted you to live your life happily and without me because as you can see now, I’m not the girl you want, I’m just not good enough for you and I knew it, so I had to do something to let you free from me. I know I wasn’t in a good state of mind while I dated you and I’m so sorry I couldn’t do anything about it, and clearly you weren’t either, I wasn’t healthy for you. I’m sorry I made you choose between Sophie and I, but I really didn’t want to do that, but I was stuck and didn’t know what to do. I’m sorry I broke your heart, it wasn’t my intention, but as you know every action has it consequence. About your secrets, don’t worry about that, because secrets are secrets, and I appreciate you way too much, they’re safe with me. Maybe we could try being friends or at least be chill with each other, I think it’d be amazing. To be honest, you gave me a reason to wake up every day and I’m so thankful you did. I’m not going to lie, I miss you way too much and I’m sure we could actually try on being friends and we would be great friends. Though I know the last thing you want to do is talk to me but you can think about it. I absolutely stupid for what I did and I regret, but maybe it’s better this way since you got bored of me and you can get someone way better, someone who will make you happy and not as I made you feel.
Also, I want you to do me a favor and I know I’m not in position to ask you for one, but please try to get your self esteem higher because you’re such an awesome guy with amazing qualities and you just need to believe them. You are super smart, like holy ****, I wish I was as smart as you. You’re a great looking person, every girl would fall for you by only looking at you. And the best thing is your ineffable personality, that without it, you would just be one more human, without being special. Lucas, trust me, you’re very special, and I loved talking to you, thank you for that. Please trust people’s compliments when they tell you them, because they’re true and if you don’t help yourself, you won’t be able to be happy completely. If you feel like you’re lonely, you aren’t, you have many people that care about you, like me for example, even though you don’t care about me anymore and I understand. Just letting you know that I’m always here for you, you aren’t lost.
Anyway, u need to finish this already because if I keep writing, I’m never going to end. I tried forgetting you with one guy and literally only dated him around one week because I just can’t forget you and you’re stuck in my head for some dumb reason. Maybe I won’t change, maybe I will change, maybe I already changed, but we don’t really know that. This might be the last time you’re gonna hear from me, but that’s up to you. Again, I’m so sorry for everything. I won’t bother you unless you actually want to talk to me. Yeah, it might’ve been an online relationship but the best I have ever had.
It’s 3:12 AM now and it’s time to go.
Always here for you,
Isabel.