Hogfather - Restaurant

In the glittering, clattering, chattering atmosphere a head waiter was having a difficult time. There were a lot of people in, and the staff should have been fully stretched, putting bicarbonate of soda in the white wine to make very expensive bubbles and cutting the vegetables very small to make them cost more. Instead they were standing in a dejected group in the kitchen.

'Where did it all go?' screamed the manager. 'Someone's been through the cellar, too!'

'William said he felt a cold wind,' said the waiter.

He'd been backed up against a hot plate, and now knew why it was called a hot plate in a way he hadn't fully comprehended before.

'I'll give him a cold wind! Haven't we got anything?'

'There's odds and ends. . .’

'You don't mean odds and ends, you mean des curieux et des bouts,' corrected the manager.

'Yeah, right, yeah. And, er, and, er . . .’

'There's nothing else?'

'Er... old boots. Muddy old boots.'

'Old-?’

'Boots. Lots of 'em,' said the waiter. He felt he was beginning to singe.

'How come we've got... vintage footwear?'

'Dunno. They just turned up, sir. The oven’s full of old boots. So's the pantry.’

***

Hogfather - p259-260