Garage Fever

There was one thing Lynn Loud loved besides sports, and winning at sports. It was something not many would have first thought she enjoyed unless they were a member of her family. A younger member, to be exact. Yes, in fact the one unusual thing Lynn loved nearly as much as winning, was Christmas. Specifically Christmas stories. One of her favorite holiday season activities, and one all the siblings younger than herself also enjoyed, was listening to her tell them. She did the voices, she acted out the scenes, the whole nine yards. Even her sister Lucy found herself enjoying them, although Lynn had always suspected that Lucy wasn't as mired in the darkness that gripped her soul as she let on.

However, there was one sister that always played the Grinch to her Christmas Spirit. Her sister Lisa not only never liked the stories, but also constantly pointed out the 'flaws' and 'unscientific nonsense' common in most Christmas stories. Although it annoyed her, Lisa usually avoided Lynn's story time in the first place. This Christmas, for whatever reason, Lisa decided to sit in on story time. Lynn noticed, but hoped that maybe her little sister had gotten over all that science junk and have a little imagination for once.

"Okay, you guys ready?" Lynn asked, sitting on the couch while her younger siblings sat arrayed on the floor around her, all with smiles on their faces. Well, all but one. Lisa sat in the back, arms folded, unamused look on her face. The crowd of Louds nodded with enthusiasm as Lynn grabbed the oversized, christmassy book from beside her and opened it to where the bookmark had been placed. She flipped the green ribbon out of the way and announced the title of the story. "The gift of the magi! Oh yeah, this is a good one."

"Pfft," Lisa huffed from behind the crowd as she rolled her eyes behind her thick frames.

Lynn shot her a warning glare before continuing the story. "So this story starts out with a husband and wife way back in 1905. Back then, nobody had a lot of money, and..." Lynn began to read the story from the book, with Lisa constantly pointing out plot holes and historical inaccuracies. It seemed as though the Grinch's heart had not grown enough to appreciate the Christmas spirit her big sister was trying to spread. Lynn, however, was not about to let her dull the enthusiasm of her siblings that DID experience the emotion of joy and wonder.

"Lisa, if you don't like the story, go do science or something!" Lynn snapped, setting the large book across her lap.

The little genius adjusted her glasses before her response. "I am, as you so eloquently put it, 'doing science'. I'm merely observing the effect that asinine ideas and implausible stories have on underdeveloped brains," she stated plainly. Her tone was certainly not helping Lynn to see her point of view.

"Hey, you aren't allowed to cuss in the house!" Lynn replied.

Lisa rubbed her temples. "Asinine is not a swear word."

A bit embarrassed, but not defeated, Lynn pressed on. "I don't care, if you don't like the story, don't keep interrupting it."

"It's a free country," Lisa replied calmly. "I can sit wherever I chose."

Lynn tried to ignore her while getting back to the story. Before she could get more than a paragraph in, Rita called for her from the kitchen. "Lynn, that garage isn't going clean itself!"

Lynn moaned, marking the place in the book and closing it with a resounding slam. "Sorry guys, we'll pick up here when I'm done." She glanced over toward Lisa, a smug smile across her lips. "Mom, can Lisa help me clean it out?" she asked. That wiped the smirk right off her face.

"Sure!"

Lisa was quick to retort. "Mother! I have very important research to—"

Rita was having none of her daughter's excuses. "Help your sister, it will be good for you and you'll get done twice as fast!"

It was Lynn's turn to wear the smug smile this time. They both headed towards the garage, both of them knowing full well the state it was likely to be in once they arrived. Lynn opened the side door where an arctic blast greeted them from outside. The night before has dumped record amounts of snow, and it had been piled high all around the neighborhood. Lincoln had already completed his winter chore of shoveling the driveway, turning their driveway into somewhat of a grand canyon of snow on each side. Lisa and Lynn shivered as they rubbed their arms with their hands. Their breath came in visible clouds as they hurried into the garage.

Once inside, they surveyed the accumulation of random junk and disorganized clutter and sighed.

"You just had to drag me into this, didn't you?" Lisa complained, looking at the hours worth of work before them.

"Maybe you should have left me alone when I was telling my christmas story to our little sisters!"

"I have experiments in my room right now that could wipe out the entire neighborhood if left unattended, but instead, I'm here!" Lisa snapped back.

"Pfft, what have your dumb experiments ever done for anyone anyway? So far all they've done is blow up!" Lynn shouted. Manners were out the window as the argument was now a full on fight.

"I don't expect someone with your marginal level of intelligence to see the benefits of my research. Besides, how has any athlete bettered the world by playing sports ball? They were all musclebound imbeciles." Lisa paused. Her next words were meant to cut right through her sister, an insult meant to take the breath right out of Lynn's lungs. "And the Redwings, and the Lions are the worst teams in their respective leagues."

As expected, Lynn gasped. She was hardly even aware Lisa knew the names of any pro sports teams, let alone enough about them to insult them. "YOU TAKE THAT BACK!"

"I can't take back the truth," Lisa said, smiling. She had finally found the one sentence that took the wind out of her sporty sister's sails.

Lynn's anger began to rise as her fists clenched and shook in anger. Unfortunately for Lisa, a soccer ball rested at Lynn's feet, her anger exploding as she drew back her leg. "We're just having a bad season!" She shouted, blasting the soccer ball towards her sister. In an unusual display of coordination, Lisa ducked, the soccer ball slamming hard against the wall, shaking the entire garage. The quake loosened the literal mountain of snow resting precariously on the roof of the garage. The ton of powder piled up high against the door they entered.

Both sisters looked at each other.

"Uh oh," Lynn mumbled. She went to the door and tried to open it. It wouldn't budge. She put her shoulder, and every ounce of strength she had into getting that door to move, but there was just too much snow in front of it.

"Phenomenal job," Lisa moaned sarcastically. "Thankfully, science will get us out of this, as it ALWAYS does." The genius Loud produced her cell phone and attempted to dial a sister. Lynn waited impatiently for someone to answer, but she knew no one would. She had already glanced at her phone to check the time and realized that somehow the snow was blocking cell reception.

"Well?" Lynn asked. "Is SCIENCE ready to get us out of the garage yet?"

"All this proves is that snow is a far better insulator for wireless devices than previously believed," Lisa replied in annoyance.

The two Loud sister's glared at each other from across the room.  "Well, now what?" Lynn asked, flipping open an old lawn chair she found among the clutter and taking a seat.

"We try not to die of hypothermia while we wait for someone in our family to notice we're missing," Lisa said, digging through the materials in the garage to try and scrounge together a signal booster of some type for her phone.

Her answer was fine with Lynn as she looked around for something to keep herself occupied as well. She spotted a tennis ball within arms reach and quickly set about bouncing it off the side of the garage while humming a Christmas carol.

"Are you not aware that vibrations of that kind are what got us into this mess?" Lisa asked, trying to control her frustration but failing miserably.

"What?" Lynn scoffed. "Are we gonna get more trapped than we already are?"

Reluctantly, Lisa knew there was probably no chance of more snow coming off the roof since all of it was likely piled around the door. "Then can you at least cease that infernal humming?"

Lynn caught the ball. That was the last straw. "What's your deal, Lisa? Why do you hate Christmas so much? What did it ever do to you?"

Lisa turned around, random scraps of metal in her small fists. Apparently straws were in short supply inside the Loud garage. "Christmas is nothing but a shallow, materialistic holiday made up by corporatists looking to boost profits during the winter when people were less likely to buy things unless they had a good reason to. A reason like a HOLIDAY whose primary activity involves GIFTS," Lisa adjusted her glasses, folded her arms and continued. "Furthermore, the carols, the 'Christmas spirit' and all that other nonsense is simply a holdover from a holiday that has long since died, and it's festering corpse is being fed on by toy companies and christmas light lobby!" Having firmly believed her point landed squarely, Lisa decided to drive it home. "Besides, Santa's not real, and the entire idea of his existence only serves to excite the minds of the weak."

Lynn stood from her chair. Now she was making some progress. "So you think all this is just a waste of time?"

"Precisely."

"And you're sure everything about Christmas is made up, fake, or explainable?"

Lisa rolled her eyes. "That should be obvious, even to you."

Insults like that were normally enough to warrant a series of wrestling moves as punishment. Unfortunately, Lynn's parents were VERY clear about mixing it up with siblings younger than herself. Except for Lincoln. They made an exception for him, and Lynn was certainly thankful for that. After all, willing wrestling partners were hard to come by in the Loud house. Of course her definition of 'willing' was certainly up for interpretation.

"Then what about the present that shows up in your room?"

Lisa's eyes widened.

"H-how do you know about that?"

"You really think no one notices that you always come downstairs from your room with a piece of wrapping paper stuck to your foot?" Lynn asked. "Besides, I know you don't believe in Santa or anything, so I just thought that if I gave you a present and you didn't know where it came from, it might... I dunno—"

"Wait, are you telling me it's been you all these years?" Lisa asked genuinely. "You've been the one getting me an extra gift?"

"Well... yeah." Lynn admitted.

"Where on earth did you get the money?" Lisa asked, knowing full well Lynn had no income to speak of.

"Whenever I told Mom and Dad I needed new shinguards or something, I just kept using the ones I had, even though they didn't work so well. That, and I passed on a soccer training camp at U of M that would have cost me an registration fee last year."

Lisa paused, briefly at a loss for words as she felt the guilt of interrupting Lynn's readings to her sisters wash over her for the first time. Sports meant everything to Lynn, but she was willing to sacrifice not only her performance, but a chance to improve her ability, all for her!

"But... why me?"

"Duh! All my other sisters love Christmas!" Lynn smiled, explaining it as though Lisa was the dumb one for not seeing her reasoning. "I do it for you because... well, sometimes you get so wrapped up in your science-y junk that you don't have fun! We're all just kids, Lisa, and we'll all have plenty of time to do boring adult stuff! I was just trying to help you see why I love Christmas so much." Lynn looked down at her feet, while rubbing her arm with her other hand. "We... we aren't gonna have too many Christmases left with all of us under one roof for much longer, I just wanted you to see what you have in front of you before it's too late."

Lisa took a few steps towards Lynn before falling into her arms. Thankfully, Lynn's quick reflexes allowed her to catch her little sister and lift her up into a hug. Lisa was, after all, only a slight bit heavier than Lily in the first place. Lynn was actually caught off guard by what was a truly rare display of earnest human emotion coming from her normally stoic and calculated sister. After a few moments of a quiet embrace, Lynn heard her sister begin to sob.

"Whoa, Lis, what's wrong?" Lynn asked as her sister continued soaking the shoulder of her jersey with tears.

Lisa cleared her throat and attempted to dry her tears in an effort to gather herself before speaking. "If your goal was to make me realize what a killjoy I have been, you've succeeded," she replied sadly.

They released from the hug. "That was part one," Lynn replied, a smug smile across her lips.

Lisa began cleaning her glasses with the hem of her shirt. "Part one?"

"That's right. Part two is making you realize that it's not Christmas yet, and there's still time for you to get into the spirit!" Lynn put a finger to her chin in thought. "Although, it's not very Christmas-y in here..."

"Actually..." Lisa began. "I think I know of a way. Do you think you can... finish your story? I promise I will hold all scientific criticism until after it's over!" she pled.

'I guess holding in her nerd stuff till the end is better than nothing.' Lynn thought as she sat back down in the lawn chair with Lisa taking a seat on an old couch cushion in front of her.

"Okay, I'll have to do it from memory, but I think I can swing it. So, it was Christmas Eve a way long time ago, and this guy and his wife were super poor, and so..."

The end.