The Human Who Stole Estrus

A little something to get us all in the Christmas Spirit, I present to you, fine anons, "The human who stole Estrus"
(Apologies to Dr. Suess' corpse)

>Every mare
>Down in p0nyville
>Liked Estrus a lot...
>But the human,
>Who lived just North of p0nyville,
>Did NOT!
>The human hated Estrus!  The whole Estrus season!
>Now, please don't ask why.  No p0ny quite knows the reason.
>It could be that he thought rape was a sin
>It could be perhaps, that his hair was too thin
>But I think that the most likely reason of all
>May have been that his dick was two sizes too small.
>But,
>Whatever the reason,
>His morals or his hairs
>He stood there on Estrus Eve, hating the mares,
>Staring down from his house with a sour, human frown
>At the warm lighted windows below in their town
>For he knew every mare getting ready for the Estrus fling
>Was busy now, hanging a sturdy sex swing
"And they're polishing their dildos!" he snarled with a sneer
"Tomorrow is Estrus!  It's practically here!"
>Then he growled, with his human fingers nervously drumming,
"I MUST find a way to keep those mares from cumming!"
>For, tomorrow, he knew...
>...All the mares and fillies
>Would wake up bright and early.  They'd fuck themselves silly!
>And then!  Oh, my poor willy!  My willy!  Willy!  Willy!  Willy!
>That's the one thing he feared for!  My Willy!  Willy!  Willy!  Willy!  Willy!
>Then the mares, young and old, would cover him like a drape


>And they'd rape!  And they'd rape!
>And they'd RAPE!  RAPE!  RAPE!  RAPE!  RAPE!
>They would start with his dick, which they called the "caged beast"
>Which was something the human couldn't stand in the least!
>And THEN
>They'd do something he likes least of all!
>Every mare down in p0nyville, the tall and the small,
>Would stand close together, with his head still ringing
>They'd stand hoof-in-hoof.  And the mares would start singing!
>They'd sing!  And they'd sing!
>And they'd SING!  SING!  SING!  SING!
>And the more the human thought, "I must stop this whole thing!"
>Why for 3 long years I've put up with it now!
>I MUST stop Estrus from coming!
>...But HOW?"
>Then he got an idea!
>An awful idea!
>The human
>Got a wonderful, AWFUL idea!
"I know just what to do!"  The human laughed in scorn
>And he made quick Alicorn wings and a horn
>And he chuckled, and clucked, "What great human fun!"
"With these wings and this horn, I'll look just like the goddess of the sun!"
"All I need is Princess Luna..."
>The human looked around
>But there was only one Princess Luna and she was not to be found
>Did that stop the mean human...?
>No!  The human simply said,
"If I can't find Luna, I'll fake her instead!"
>So he called his cat Bootsie.  Then he took paint, colored blue
>And he doused her in it to quiet her mews
>Then he loaded some bags
>And a giant, brown sack
>On a ramshackle sleigh
>And he hitched it up to his back


>Then Bootsie mewed, "Giddyap!"
>To the human's surprise
>And he ran until p0nyville was right before his eyes
>All their windows were dark.  Smelly pheromones filled the air
>All the mares were all dreaming about being rammed in the derrier
>When he came to the first house in the square
"This is stop number one," the mean Celestia-human hissed
>And he climbed to the roof, empty bags in his fist
>Then he slid down the chimney.  Rather tight for a human
>But Fluttershy did it once to him, for some unwanted spoonin'
>He got stuck only once, for a moment or two
>Then he stuck his head out of the fireplace flue
>Where the huge stallion dildos all stood in a row
"These sex toys," he grinned "are the first things to go!"
>Then he slithered and slunk, like a midnight shade,
>Around the whole room, he took every sex aid!
>Anal beads!  And cock rings!  Vaseline!  Butt plugs!
>Aphrodesiacs!  Double sided dildos for those who like to munch rugs!
>And he stuffed them in bags.  Then the human, very nimbly,
>Stuffed all the bags, one by one, up the chimney!
>He reveled in his joy.  He would take the mares' sex feast!
"No p0ny, not a one, shall touch my caged beast!"
>He wanted to leave, this mare's house was too smelly
>But not before taking the mare's last bottle of KY Jelly
>Then he stuffed all the sex aids up the chimney with a fling
"And NOW!" grinned the human, "I will stuff up the sex swing!"


>And the human grabbed the swing, and he stuffed it with glee
>When he heard a small sound, 'twas an audible "squee"
>He turned around fast, what he saw gave him a fright
>'Twas the magical unicorn known as Twilight
>The human had been caught by the Princess' Student
>Why had she decided that studying during the night was prudent?
>She stared at the human and said, "Princess I'm so glad you're here!
>"Would like like to stay and help me ream the human's rear?"
>But, you know, that old human was so smart and so slick
>He thought up a lie, and he thought it up quick!
"Why, my dearest student," the fake Celestia lied,
"I'm afraid I couldn't stay if I tried."
"I'm going to need your swing for a time"
"Eminent domain and all that, but you'll get the goverment's dime!"
>And his fib fooled the mare.  Then he nuzzled her head
>And he got her a book and he sent her to bed
>And when Twilight Sparkle went to bed with her tome,
>He went to the chimney and forced her swing out her home!
>Then the last thing he took
>Was her napping dragon helper
"It's for his own good, the little feller"
"But if he gets out of line, he can call himself Old Yeller"
>And the one thing he left
>That even resembled a willy
>Was a twig that was even too small for a filly
>Then
>He did the same thing
>To the other mare's stores
>Leaving twigs
>Much too small
>For those awful horse whores!
>It was a quarter part dawn...
>All the mares, still a-bed
>All the mares still a-snooze


>When he packed up his sled,
>Packed it up with their sex toys!  The Whips!  The hoof-cuffs!
"These foul instruments shall touch no p0nies' muffs!"
>Three hundred yards away!  Away from p0nyville, how he spurned it!
>He would start a huge bonfire, with which to burn it!
"Fuck you to the p0nies!"  he was ape-ish-ly hooting
"They're finding out now that no mare juice will be shooting!"
"They're just waking up!  I know just what I'll spy!"
"Their pussies will wink, pushing their clits to the sky"
"Then all the mares down in p0nyville will start to CRY!"
"That's a noise," grinned the human,
"That I simply must hear!"
>So he paused.  And the human put a hand to his ear.
>And he did hear a sound rising over the town
>It started a small sound.  Then all others it began to drown...
>But the sound wasn't sad!
>Why, this sound sounded horny!
It couldn't be so!
>But it WAS horny! For shore-ny!
>He stared down at p0nyville!
>The human popped his eyes!
>Then he shook!
>What he saw was a shocking surpise!
>Every mare down in p0nyville, the tall and the small,
>Was fucking!  Without any sex toys at all!
>He HADN'T stopped the mares from cumming!
>THEY CAME!
>Somehow or other, they came just the same!
>And the human, kicking the dirt with his shoe,
>Stood puzzling and puzzling: "How could this be true?"
"They came without dildos!  They came without ass beads!
"They came without vibrators to satisfy their needs!"
>And he puzzled three hours, 'till his puzzler was sore.


>Then the human thought of something he hadn't before!
"Maybe Estrus," he thought, "doesn't need hoof-cuffs with locks"
"Maybe Estrus...perhaps...just needs well-endowed cocks!"
>And what happened then...?
>Well...in p0nyville they say
>That the human's small dick
>Grew three sizes that day!
>And the minute he took off his pants,
>He ran with his load through the town looking for romance
>He brought them his dick!  So the mares could now feast!
>And he...
>...He himself...!
>The human gave Twilight the caged beast!

End