thx ddlc

Set up:

>>196235295
>Sayori is late again
>You walk right through her front door, scanning her house
>Her toaster is still there, There are no helium tanks laying around the living room
>You check her kitchen knives, they're all there, take one just to be safe
>You don't hear water running, and the bathroom door is wide open, revealing it's empty anyway
>You stride up the stairs and push her door open with one hand
>With the other, you flick on her room light
>You see her hanging out, you throw her kitchen knife at the rope, cutting it thanks to her taste in superior nipponese cutlery
>You catch her as she falls, pulling her into a tight bridal carry. You rub her back as she coughs, until she can breathe again
>You both skip the festival to binge on pizza and soda and watch corny movies while you talk about how many times in a month this happened
>Another situation averted!

>>196235456
...President Sayori playing games with MC/Player where she tries to "kill" herself in convoluted ways at random?





Actual tales:

No.196235861
>>196235456
>"Oh no the rope holding the blade up is below a candle and slowly burning away! Looks like this is the end for me, goodbye world and all your cruelty..."
>Sayori this is getting out of hand where the fuck did you even get a guillotine



No.196236342
>>196235861
>"Uh oh, a thunderstorm is coming and there's a lightningrod on the top of my house which is connected to the chains that are binding me, but the lightningrod is being guarded by two lions on my roof! Not only do the lions wants you dead, but both speak fluent French, and one only tells truths while the other only lies, and you have only 2 questions to answer a complex riddle written in Spanish! I guess I'm gonna have to just perish, oh well."
>Sayori what the actual fuck



No.196237083
>>196236342
We are approaching trolley problem levels of complexity here



>>196236342
>>196237083
>Walking to Sayori's home, when you spot an out of place trolly track cutting right through several lawns. Tied to the tracks, you see Sayori.
>"Oh no! Looks like I clumsily tied myself to these tracks~ The only way to save me is to use a lever to switch the trolley to another track, which would kill someone else instead. There's also an obese man next to the intersection, and pushing him into it will save both people but will likely kill the fat man. However, I also have a lever which you can't see. If I pull the lever and you pull the lever, I will still die. As well, both the lever and the fat man are..."
>You finally finish untying Sayori, and hoist her over your shoulder. Looking at the tracks again, you see that the other "people" involved were simply her stuffed animals.
>"Come on Sayori, let's make you some breakfast."
>"Ehehe~"



No.196240559
>>196238084
>"Oh no! I'm dying! Anon, save me!"
>Sayori, you've just put a book on your chest
>"Noooooooooooo I'm being crushed to deathhhhhhhhhh"
>Aren't you supposed to actually be putting yourself in danger?



No.196240651
>>196240559
>Not gonna lie after that last shit you pulled with the car explosion and fake identify this one's kind of tame



No.196241125
>>196240559
>You walk up to the book in question, it's a rather sizable dictionary, but nothing you couldn't handle.
>You grasp the book firmly with both arms, and start tugging and pulling at the book in an incredibly exaggerated manner, pretending to strain yourself.
>The book, of course, stays put.
>"Welp, I guess I can't move it."
>Sayori looks shocked. "W-W-WHAT?!"
>"Oh well, guess I have no choice."
>You fall to the ground, right next to her.
>"What are you doing, Anon!?" Sayori exclaims with a bemused expression.
>"Well, if I can't save you, I guess I'll just have to get as much cuddling out of you as I can before your inevitable demise."
>Sayori blushes and gives an aside glance, "Well, if you're ok with me being crushed to death..."
>You scoot closer to her, and begin to cuddle affectionately.



No.196242327
>>196241125
>The next day, something wakes you up early. It's really bright outside, despite your clock saying it's 4am. Odd.
>You get dressed, and, presuming it's later than it actually is, go outside to meet up with Sayori, as you promised.
>It's super warm outside, too, even for summer.
>Hang on a second, was the sun always that..?
>Sayori runs over, with an exaggerated look of fear on her face, although you can tell she's desperately trying to hide a smirk.
>"Aaaahh! Anon, it's the end of the world! It's just as the Mayans predicted, the sun is going to crash into the earth for the sole purpose of killing me! We've got no time, but I found an ancient tablet which details the sacrifices we must make! It's all in your hands now, ehehe~"
>"Okay, I think you're trying to compensate for yesterday too much."



No.196243267
>>196242327
>You finally set up the magical totem and sacrifice the stuffed yellow bird (thank god for that, it creeped you out)
>"Yay!~ The sun won't engulf the Earth anymore!"
>"So... it's going to go back now, right?"
>"...ehehe~"



No.196244657
>>196243267
Rushing through the code to fix the sun before it gets too hot to bear!
Fixing it just in time!
Agreeing with Sayori that this was a draw!
Going back to shenanigans as usual after a weekend off to de-stress from all the panic!



No.196248441
Deathtrap Sayori!

>Go to the clubroom
>Sayori is tied onto a chair on a sliding platform with a spinning blade at the end
>Hamsters are running in a wheel, which powers a wheel with ffeather dusters which tickle Sayori
>As she laughs at the tickling, her movement slowly sends her chair sliding down towards the saw
>"Anoooon, there's no way you can save me now"
>The hamsters get tired and walk out of the wheel.
>"I'm doomed. A-any second now"
>You sigh, and pick Sayori out of the chair.
>You're not going to untie her just yet though



No.196248829
>>196248441
>Decide to try and reverse the situation by surprise, set up your own elaborate "death" trap
>It's got sawblades and book puzzles and pirates and everything, you're honestly somewhat impressed with yourself
>Set yourself up
>Sayori walks in, give your rehearsed monologue
>Sayori struggles to stifle her amusement, and half way through your speech she bursts into laughter
>"Oh nooo, what ever will I do? I can't let Anon die, I've got to do something!"
>Sayori purposefully takes a long time deconstructing your trap, mocking your previous failures as she goes along as you both throw witty remarks towards each other while laughing together



No.196249568
>>196249070 [closeup of jigsaw's face]
>Sayori decides to go all-out one weekend
>Leaves cryptic clues around your house in your sleep (you gave her permission to do this, she wouldn't dream of doing something like that by surprise!)
>Wake up and follow the clues down into a basement you haven't seen before
>Doors slam shut behind you
>Lights suddenly turn on to reveal Sayori, strapped to a conveyor belt, with a large fire at the end.
>A small CRT TV near the ceiling begins to show static, before slowly clearing up
>It's a pre-recorded message from Sayori, doing her best Jigsaw impression, complete with self-applied facepaint
>Sayori in the chair blushes and giggles with you as Jigsayori tries her best to be serious and go over the "game" she's set up for you



No.196304294
>browsing and shitposting on /ddlc/ as usual
>see bait post, go to respond
>attempting to submit your response does nothing, odd.
>suddenly, at the bottom of your screen, a row of spinning sawblades appear
>at the top of your screen, some person begins descending, bound by rope which is slowly lowering them dow- wait, is that..?
>"Oh nooo! Anon, help! This extremely elaborate contraption is slowly lowering me into those spinning sawblades! I'm a gonner for sure, the only way you could possibly save me is by posting cute pictures of me to push the sawblades back, ehehe~"
>Are you going to let Sayori win again with her silly suicide shenanigans?



No.196305930
>>196305026
>>196305140
>>196305148
>>196305315
>>196305427 [pictures of cute sayori]
>It took you long enough, but the sawblades were eventually lowered offscreen
>Sayori's still dangling off the rope, near the bottom of the screen.
>She looks around expectantly for a few moments, then begins struggling, to no avail.
>"Ehehe~... could you help me out?"