Yoga Hosers (2016) Eng

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00:00:00 --> 00:00:26
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Not

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Not

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Not

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Now we're Glamthrax

5
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And we take no shit

6
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And we don't care
for writing hits

7
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The sound you hear
is what we like

8
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And I'll steal your
puppets like I stole your...

9
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Socks.

10
00:01:06,000 --> 00:01:07,400
Yo, man,
what's the matter with you?

11
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Sorry, I'll get it next time,
I promise.

12
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Colleen beats the beats,
the beats you beat

13
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The only thing harder
is the smell of my feet

14
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So listen up 'cause
you might get dissed

15
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go drain the lizard or take a...

16
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Chair.

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Damn, c'mon, girl,
watch the beat.

18
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I'm on your case
I'm in your face

19
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Get you and your
father back in place

20
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Step up sucker understand

21
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- Don't you know that...
- I'm the man.

22
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- I'm the man
- I'm bad

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I'm so bad
I should be in detention.

24
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I'm the man!

25
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All right.

26
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We've got real def rhythms

27
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And fresh new jams

28
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You say we got egos

29
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But we're just hams

30
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Roof shit, top shelf

31
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And we like to skate

32
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But we're never on time,
we're always...

33
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- Sleeping.
- Late.

34
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Damn it.

35
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The important thing
is that you tried.

36
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Yeah.

37
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I'm on your case
I'm in your face

38
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Put you and your
father back in place

39
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Step up sucker, understand

40
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- Don't you know that...
- I'm the man.

41
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I'm the man, I'm bad.

42
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I'm so bad I should be
in detention.

43
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- I'm the man!
- All right

44
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So

45
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As this rap is winding down

46
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It's plain to see
we wear the crown

47
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You know Glamthrax is number one

48
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But we don't care,
we just wanna have...

49
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A festival.

50
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Fun, Colleen,
girls just wanna have fun.

51
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Hey, that's a song

52
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Colleen

53
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Mailed the mail,
the mail she mailed

54
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We are the queens
so all shall hail

55
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We're like a diamond is forever

56
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And we'll remain the hardest

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Ever

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I'm so bad it's a crime.

59
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Not.

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Not, not, not, not-not

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Woo!

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Yeah.

63
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Look at his cute little nipples.

64
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Oh, my god, Ichabod, cover up.

65
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You know, I don't have to come
and beat the skins

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for you two Beliebers.

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- Shut up.
- Yeah.

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You know we love you, Icha-wad.

69
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Remember when he ripped
off his shirt before

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and we saw his yummy Icha-bod?

71
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I nearly wrote a whole blog about
it, girl, hasthtag Ichagod.

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- You did?
- I did not.

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Not, not, not-not

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No.

75
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- Shit.
- No, what's that noise?

76
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Oh, no, do you two
uncompromising rebel riot girls

77
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actually have to
go back to work?

78
00:04:09,240 --> 00:04:11,481
- Shut up, Icha-bodily functions.
- Yeah.

79
00:04:11,760 --> 00:04:14,127
Excuse me,
Condescending Riot Girls.

80
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Uh, we'll take two packs of
smokes, gimme a bag of milk,

81
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and why don't you throw in
the best most exciting years

82
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of your life
stuck behind a counter, eh?

83
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You're a dick, Ichabod.

84
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Oh, that's mean.

85
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I call you Dickabod.

86
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I can't believe it took you this
long to think of Dickabod!

87
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Sorry aboot that.
Sorry aboot that.

88
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Sorry aboot that.

89
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Sorry aboot that.

90
00:05:05,040 --> 00:05:06,121
Sorry aboot that.

91
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Now, that was a lot
longer than 10 minutes.

92
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My best friend was having lady
problems in the bathroom, okay?

93
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May I shop?

94
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Sure.

95
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Sir Pedophile-in-Denial.

96
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So I'll see you guys Friday, eh?

97
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I said, eh?

98
00:05:28,720 --> 00:05:31,690
Wunderbar

99
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Hi.

100
00:05:42,120 --> 00:05:45,124
Um, True Norths,
this week's issue of Them,

101
00:05:45,400 --> 00:05:46,845
and his Pucky Charms.

102
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And, um...
Condoms.

103
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Oh, my god,
this is about you two.

104
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Yes, ma'am, and we hate it.

105
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It says here
that you saved a man's life.

106
00:06:02,320 --> 00:06:04,240
But it's, like, dumb
because the guy was a walrus

107
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- and not a manatee.
- There's a big difference.

108
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Yeah, a walrus has
tusks and manatees don't.

109
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Did you know they called
the manatee a sea cow?

110
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Moo, I'm utterly underwater, eh?
Moo, moo, eh?

111
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That's her underwater cow,
it's hysterical.

112
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That is funny. C'mon, Wayne.

113
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Moo, moo, moo.
I'm a loser, eh?

114
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Okay, that kid rules.

115
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More of that,
less of everything else ever.

116
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Hunter Calloway's here,
Hunter Calloway's here!

117
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Oh, my god,
could you stop being so basic?

118
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Oh, I gotta Gram the shit
outta this.

119
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The little Colleen Coalition.

120
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The only sassy, sexy...

121
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sophomores in Honors history
rockin' the smocks.

122
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Where's the Pepto Bismol?

123
00:07:25,080 --> 00:07:27,367
Ew, it's over there.

124
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Sorry aboot that,
he's such a sitcom.

125
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Yeah, well,
we close in 20 minutes,

126
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so if he pukes,
you're cleaning it up.

127
00:07:33,560 --> 00:07:36,689
Let me ask you somethin',
you ladies like workin' the Zed?

128
00:07:36,960 --> 00:07:38,610
- Not at all.
- Customers make it suck.

129
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Yeah, you know what
wouldn't suck?

130
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Colleen and Colleen
with me in between.

131
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The very definition of suck.

132
00:07:48,680 --> 00:07:51,206
Are the Colleen's, perchance,
working tomorrow?

133
00:07:51,480 --> 00:07:53,562
Not on a Friday night, no way.

134
00:07:53,840 --> 00:07:54,887
We're off, why?

135
00:07:55,200 --> 00:07:58,010
I would like to invite
you both to my party.

136
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A senior party?

137
00:07:59,360 --> 00:08:00,566
A neenior nardy?

138
00:08:00,880 --> 00:08:04,089
Now with two very
cool sophomores.

139
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May I have the honor of
your number, mademoiselle?

140
00:08:24,680 --> 00:08:25,920
Who's there?

141
00:08:27,640 --> 00:08:30,928
Come out, come out,
wherever you are.

142
00:08:34,320 --> 00:08:37,927
- Wunderbar.

143
00:08:40,440 --> 00:08:43,046
Oh, oh.

144
00:08:43,520 --> 00:08:46,490
Get out of my bum!

145
00:08:48,480 --> 00:08:50,080
A grade 12 party with boys?

146
00:08:50,120 --> 00:08:52,282
<i>No, no, no, no, no, no, no.</i>

147
00:08:52,600 --> 00:08:55,570
I'm not aboot to let you go to a
grade 12 party with boys, Colleen.

148
00:09:01,400 --> 00:09:04,210
It's just a grade 12 party,
it's not the Nazi Party.

149
00:09:04,520 --> 00:09:08,844
Senior boys only invite sophomore
girls to parties for one thing.

150
00:09:09,160 --> 00:09:11,256
Well, me and Colleen don't do that.

151
00:09:11,280 --> 00:09:14,363
And even if we did,
we have our periods this week.

152
00:09:14,640 --> 00:09:16,176
No, you don't, little liar.

153
00:09:16,200 --> 00:09:19,204
We're always in-sync and I don't
get mine for two more weeks.

154
00:09:19,480 --> 00:09:22,006
Holy shit, you still get
your period Ms. McKenzie?

155
00:09:23,880 --> 00:09:25,689
Please, you have to
let me go to this party.

156
00:09:26,000 --> 00:09:28,765
It's only the most important
night of my entire life.

157
00:09:29,040 --> 00:09:32,044
No way. Just the thought of
going to a grade 12 party

158
00:09:32,320 --> 00:09:34,846
has you lying to me about
your menstrual cycle.

159
00:09:35,120 --> 00:09:37,930
And you know a woman's menstrual
cycle is sacred, Colleen.

160
00:09:38,200 --> 00:09:40,806
I'm talking aboot
the period blood of women.

161
00:09:42,720 --> 00:09:43,776
Please, just let me go, Mom.

162
00:09:43,800 --> 00:09:45,882
I promise won't sellout
on my gender ever again.

163
00:09:46,160 --> 00:09:49,642
On one condition,
you bring something stabby.

164
00:09:49,920 --> 00:09:52,127
They get cute, they get cut.

165
00:09:52,400 --> 00:09:53,686
Holy shit.

166
00:09:53,960 --> 00:09:55,928
I call her The Mohel,
she's my date knife.

167
00:09:56,240 --> 00:09:57,605
Thanks.

168
00:10:00,600 --> 00:10:03,410
So we start with
Pretentious Frog.

169
00:10:04,720 --> 00:10:07,530
Pretentious Frog,
"I only eat grass-fed flies."

170
00:10:14,280 --> 00:10:15,930
The Dissatisfied Customer.

171
00:10:17,360 --> 00:10:18,646
Dissatisfied Customer.

172
00:10:20,880 --> 00:10:23,121
"I don't like
the product you've given me."

173
00:10:23,440 --> 00:10:26,171
Atlas Shrugged, Atlas Shrugged.

174
00:10:27,280 --> 00:10:28,600
We've got Atlas
and then we shrug.

175
00:10:28,760 --> 00:10:31,411
Do Lasers from the Wrists,
Lasers from the Wrists.

176
00:10:31,680 --> 00:10:33,603
<i>Yoga Fett, Yoga Fett.</i>

177
00:10:33,880 --> 00:10:35,656
Awkward Conversationalist,
we put our foot in a mouth.

178
00:10:35,680 --> 00:10:36,727
Foot in the mouth.

179
00:10:37,000 --> 00:10:39,480
Upward Dog, our favorite canine.

180
00:10:40,200 --> 00:10:42,248
Downward Dog.

181
00:10:42,520 --> 00:10:44,602
Here we go
Three-Legged Dog.

182
00:10:44,920 --> 00:10:47,400
That's sad, Three-Legged Dog,
look at that dog.

183
00:10:47,680 --> 00:10:49,045
But you know what's sadder?

184
00:10:49,320 --> 00:10:51,322
Two-Legged Dog,
and he's in his little pushcart,

185
00:10:51,600 --> 00:10:55,127
his little makeshift wheelbarrow
and he's pushing himself along.

186
00:10:55,400 --> 00:10:58,290
We push right into
Lotus Position.

187
00:10:59,600 --> 00:11:02,809
And we feel positive
energy all around us.

188
00:11:03,080 --> 00:11:05,208
And let's hold onto that
positive energy in the room.

189
00:11:07,680 --> 00:11:09,520
But, you know,
I did read on the message boards

190
00:11:09,560 --> 00:11:11,136
at CanadianCorpses.com
that they've been finding

191
00:11:11,160 --> 00:11:13,288
body parts all over Winnipeg
for the last few months.

192
00:11:17,360 --> 00:11:17,883
Body parts?

193
00:11:18,200 --> 00:11:21,249
Oh, yeah, arms, legs,
heads, scalps, torsos,

194
00:11:21,520 --> 00:11:24,410
feet, hands, nipples, dinkies.

195
00:11:24,680 --> 00:11:26,682
Dinkies?

196
00:11:27,000 --> 00:11:30,243
I said, "Take my dinky first,
but leave me my nipples."

197
00:11:30,520 --> 00:11:32,360
It's basically a vestigial
dinky at this point.

198
00:11:32,560 --> 00:11:35,166
But you take my nipples,
and that's my identity.

199
00:11:35,440 --> 00:11:38,125
There's some real negativity in
the world, girls. But remember,

200
00:11:38,400 --> 00:11:42,246
negative space can still be a design
asset, as long as you live the Yoga Way.

201
00:11:42,560 --> 00:11:44,688
And you breathe the Yoga Way.

202
00:11:44,960 --> 00:11:47,122
And. yes, you even have to
shit the Yoga Way.

203
00:11:47,440 --> 00:11:49,616
Seriously. sit in Lotus Position
next time you're on the toilet,

204
00:11:49,640 --> 00:11:53,122
everything just falls out of you.
Like you're dumping a book bag.

205
00:11:53,440 --> 00:11:55,044
A book bag full of poo.

206
00:12:03,880 --> 00:12:06,770
Go.

207
00:12:07,600 --> 00:12:11,924
Okay. let me see.

208
00:12:12,200 --> 00:12:15,283
That one's cute. that one's cute,
don't post that one though.

209
00:12:15,560 --> 00:12:16,891
Okay. yeah, you look basic.

210
00:12:17,160 --> 00:12:21,006
Oh. what in the ham and
eggs is this all about?

211
00:12:21,280 --> 00:12:24,204
It looks like a
Vancouver Hockey Riot in here.

212
00:12:24,520 --> 00:12:25,567
What'd you do. rob a mall?

213
00:12:31,160 --> 00:12:32,605
- Hi. Dad.
- Hi, Mr. Collette.

214
00:12:32,880 --> 00:12:34,216
What are you doin'
with all these clothes?

215
00:12:34,240 --> 00:12:36,607
- We're screening outfits.
- Oh. yeah?

216
00:12:36,880 --> 00:12:38,976
Whatever gets the most likes. we
wear to the party tomorrow night.

217
00:12:39,000 --> 00:12:40,161
A grade 12 party.

218
00:12:40,440 --> 00:12:42,727
No!

219
00:12:43,040 --> 00:12:45,088
A grade 12 party already eh?

220
00:12:47,920 --> 00:12:50,241
Oh. where did my little girl go?

221
00:12:50,520 --> 00:12:53,444
Aw. stop.
You two are gonna make me cry.

222
00:12:53,720 --> 00:12:55,768
- I'm back.
- Hey. hey!

223
00:12:56,040 --> 00:12:58,725
That's gonna make me cry.

224
00:12:59,000 --> 00:13:00,764
- Hey. Hey.
- Hey. Hey.

225
00:13:07,360 --> 00:13:08,640
- A little tongue
- I bit ya. eh?

226
00:13:10,600 --> 00:13:11,600
I got a bite!

227
00:13:17,480 --> 00:13:20,120
Oh. my god. It looks like
a Vancouver Hockey Riot in here.

228
00:13:20,360 --> 00:13:21,360
I know. I know.

229
00:13:21,520 --> 00:13:22,960
What is this.
What are you two doing?

230
00:13:23,200 --> 00:13:25,360
They're picking out their
outfits for a party tomorrow.

231
00:13:25,520 --> 00:13:26,600
A grade 12 party.

232
00:13:26,840 --> 00:13:28,888
Oh.

233
00:13:29,200 --> 00:13:31,282
- Big time. big time.
- Oh. with seniors now.

234
00:13:31,560 --> 00:13:32,049
I know.

235
00:13:32,320 --> 00:13:35,529
She's only supposed to go
to sophomore mixers. I thought.

236
00:13:35,840 --> 00:13:38,730
Yeah. right. C'mon. Tabs,
we all know you can't think.

237
00:13:39,000 --> 00:13:40,000
Mm-hmm.

238
00:13:40,200 --> 00:13:41,361
Okay. okay.

239
00:13:41,680 --> 00:13:43,336
When I went to count out
the register tonight.

240
00:13:43,360 --> 00:13:44,964
The back room was a mess.
Yeah?

241
00:13:45,240 --> 00:13:46,241
Colleen.

242
00:13:46,560 --> 00:13:47,736
Okay. they can't be
practicing in the back

243
00:13:47,760 --> 00:13:48,841
of the store anymore. Bob.

244
00:13:49,120 --> 00:13:52,522
Last year. they blew out
the power with their amps.

245
00:13:52,800 --> 00:13:54,136
Yeah. it's bad enough the
two of them are always

246
00:13:54,160 --> 00:13:56,200
with their faces in their
phones behind the counter.

247
00:13:56,320 --> 00:13:58,049
Such pretty faces too.
Pretty faces.

248
00:13:58,360 --> 00:14:00,522
Lock up the store and go
play their so-called music

249
00:14:00,800 --> 00:14:03,770
in the backroom with
that pederast loser.

250
00:14:04,080 --> 00:14:06,367
- He's not a loser.
- God knows what else. eh?

251
00:14:06,640 --> 00:14:08,722
That's disgusting.
Absolutely disgusting.

252
00:14:09,040 --> 00:14:10,451
And. like. who are we? You?

253
00:14:10,720 --> 00:14:12,688
Skeezing on losers
is your superpower.

254
00:14:13,000 --> 00:14:14,889
This isn't skeezing. okay?

255
00:14:15,160 --> 00:14:17,367
I fell in love with your father.

256
00:14:17,640 --> 00:14:19,768
After he made you manager.

257
00:14:20,040 --> 00:14:22,247
And as manager.
You know what I've noticed?

258
00:14:22,520 --> 00:14:23,931
Where'd all the
beaver stuffies go?

259
00:14:24,200 --> 00:14:25,929
Not the beavers!

260
00:14:26,200 --> 00:14:27,281
Oh yeah.

261
00:14:27,600 --> 00:14:29,807
- No. that's a big seller.
- Yeah. yeah.

262
00:14:30,080 --> 00:14:32,242
They didn't sell 'em.
I checked the receipts.

263
00:14:32,560 --> 00:14:34,289
She checked
She checked the receipts.

264
00:14:34,600 --> 00:14:36,682
Where'd all my beavers go?

265
00:14:36,960 --> 00:14:39,406
Frankly. Tabitha. I don't
give a damn about your beavers.

266
00:14:42,400 --> 00:14:43,890
Goddamned yoga hosers.

267
00:14:44,200 --> 00:14:45,690
Where's little
Miss Wo-Manager going?

268
00:14:45,960 --> 00:14:47,416
We're just gonna go in
our room and we're gonna

269
00:14:47,440 --> 00:14:49,363
I'm gonna we're just gonna
go watch a movie.

270
00:14:49,640 --> 00:14:52,564
- Okay?
- Oh can you just do me a favor?

271
00:14:52,840 --> 00:14:58,085
Can you just leave
the door open. though?

272
00:14:58,920 --> 00:15:00,081
Love you. Dad.

273
00:15:03,320 --> 00:15:04,320
Close the door. Bob.

274
00:15:08,840 --> 00:15:11,207
All the way. Bob.

275
00:15:11,520 --> 00:15:12,123
She told me not to.

276
00:15:12,440 --> 00:15:15,444
God. she's the daughter.
Bob, not the parent.

277
00:15:15,720 --> 00:15:17,768
You're in charge. not her.

278
00:15:18,040 --> 00:15:19,610
What do you want me to do. eh'?

279
00:15:19,880 --> 00:15:22,565
That's my little girl.
That's my little girl.

280
00:15:22,880 --> 00:15:24,644
I'm your little girl. Bob.

281
00:15:26,680 --> 00:15:30,446
Bob. do you wanna ride
the Ferris Wheel. Bob?

282
00:15:30,720 --> 00:15:31,776
Don't talk about the
Ferris Wheel. don't talk about

283
00:15:31,800 --> 00:15:33,484
Wanna go for a ride
on the Ferris Wheel?

284
00:15:33,760 --> 00:15:34,760
I don't wanna Oh!

285
00:15:34,920 --> 00:15:36,604
You wanna jump in
the bouncy house?

286
00:15:36,920 --> 00:15:38,440
You'll let me jump
in the bouncy house?

287
00:15:38,480 --> 00:15:40,130
Twice.

288
00:15:51,320 --> 00:15:53,971
- Oh. my god.
- What. you finished already?

289
00:15:55,000 --> 00:15:57,526
Oh. come on.

290
00:15:57,880 --> 00:15:59,405
I'm sorry. sorry.

291
00:16:00,880 --> 00:16:02,530
What is she playing?

292
00:16:04,200 --> 00:16:09,969
Babe I'm leavin'
I must be on my way

293
00:16:10,280 --> 00:16:13,443
- The time is drawing near.

294
00:16:13,720 --> 00:16:15,643
I used to sing this to her
when she was a baby.

295
00:16:16,600 --> 00:16:18,409
- My train is going

296
00:16:18,680 --> 00:16:22,241
- I see it in your eyes.

297
00:16:22,520 --> 00:16:26,081
The love. the need,
your tears.

298
00:16:26,360 --> 00:16:28,408
She she just remembers it.

299
00:16:28,720 --> 00:16:34,284
But I'll be lonely without you

300
00:16:34,600 --> 00:16:37,365
And I'll need your love
to see me through.

301
00:16:37,680 --> 00:16:40,650
She's just growing up so fast.
You know?

302
00:16:40,920 --> 00:16:44,561
So please believe me my
heart is in your hands.

303
00:16:44,840 --> 00:16:49,926
Cause' I'll be missing you.

304
00:16:54,440 --> 00:16:58,286
You know it's you Babe.

305
00:16:58,560 --> 00:17:03,282
Whenever I get weary
and I've had enough.

306
00:17:03,560 --> 00:17:06,245
Feel like giving up.

307
00:17:06,520 --> 00:17:11,242
- - You know
it's you Babe.

308
00:17:11,520 --> 00:17:16,811
Giving me the courage and
the strength I need.

309
00:17:17,080 --> 00:17:19,242
Please believe

310
00:17:19,560 --> 00:17:21,562
That it's true.

311
00:17:24,840 --> 00:17:30,085
Babe I love you.

312
00:17:36,480 --> 00:17:39,086
Goddamned yoga hosers.

313
00:17:50,080 --> 00:17:53,801
You know it's you Babe.

314
00:17:54,080 --> 00:17:59,450
Whenever I get weary
and I've had enough.

315
00:17:59,720 --> 00:18:01,563
Feel like giving up.

316
00:18:01,840 --> 00:18:06,402
You know it's you Babe.

317
00:18:06,680 --> 00:18:12,403
Giving me the courage and
the strength I need.

318
00:18:12,680 --> 00:18:16,321
Please believe that it's true.

319
00:18:19,720 --> 00:18:22,690
Babe I love you.

320
00:18:25,760 --> 00:18:30,607
Babe I love you.

321
00:18:32,080 --> 00:18:36,210
Oooh... Babe.

322
00:18:50,280 --> 00:18:52,282
Ladies. Up Dog.

323
00:18:52,560 --> 00:18:55,609
One. two. three.

324
00:18:57,160 --> 00:18:58,605
What a farce.

325
00:18:58,880 --> 00:19:00,600
I can't believe they
actually have the balls

326
00:19:00,720 --> 00:19:03,121
- to try to call this Yoga.
- I know.

327
00:19:07,480 --> 00:19:08,925
How are ya. girls?

328
00:19:09,200 --> 00:19:11,009
Ms. Wicklund.
You photo bombed us.

329
00:19:11,280 --> 00:19:13,123
Way hip. Ms. Wick.

330
00:19:13,400 --> 00:19:15,164
What makes you two
think that you can sit out

331
00:19:15,440 --> 00:19:16,726
of my yoga class this morning?

332
00:19:23,080 --> 00:19:26,289
This isn't yoga.
This is like a parody of yoga.

333
00:19:26,600 --> 00:19:29,968
And our yoga instructor gave us this
note to give to you. Ms. Wicklund.

334
00:19:33,720 --> 00:19:35,640
We have permission to
sit oot anytime you do yoga

335
00:19:35,720 --> 00:19:37,882
here in Phys Ed because he
doesn't want his teachings

336
00:19:38,200 --> 00:19:40,771
derailed by what he calls.
"The abortion of Phys Ed Yoga."

337
00:19:41,080 --> 00:19:44,527
Well far be it me to argue
with a strip-mall swami.

338
00:19:44,800 --> 00:19:46,370
Uh. technically he's a yogi.
Right?

339
00:19:46,640 --> 00:19:50,122
Technically.
There's a school honor policy

340
00:19:50,400 --> 00:19:51,640
aboot camera phones in PE.

341
00:19:51,960 --> 00:19:53,086
There is?

342
00:19:53,360 --> 00:19:56,250
Do any of you ladies want
to be photographed by these

343
00:19:56,520 --> 00:19:58,522
two while you're all
sweatin' like hogs?

344
00:19:58,840 --> 00:20:00,171
- No.
- I didn't think so.

345
00:20:00,440 --> 00:20:02,442
Is she talking aboot us'?

346
00:20:02,760 --> 00:20:05,730
No. she's talking aboot the
other two Colleens behind us.

347
00:20:06,000 --> 00:20:08,240
I'm talkin' aboot
you're entire generation.

348
00:20:08,440 --> 00:20:11,967
Generation Why Me? I call it.

349
00:20:13,480 --> 00:20:14,811
You live on your phones.

350
00:20:15,080 --> 00:20:18,562
You have no idea how to function like
normal people in the real world.

351
00:20:18,840 --> 00:20:20,763
Ms. Wicklund.
This isn't the real world.

352
00:20:21,080 --> 00:20:22,445
This is Canada.

353
00:20:22,720 --> 00:20:24,324
Oh. is that right. eh'?

354
00:20:24,600 --> 00:20:26,400
Well. how about you save
your Can-bashin' sass

355
00:20:26,640 --> 00:20:28,961
for your tweets.
And your Facebookins'.

356
00:20:29,240 --> 00:20:32,210
And try clickin' like on this.
Girls.

357
00:20:32,480 --> 00:20:35,768
No phones for the
rest of the day!

358
00:20:36,760 --> 00:20:37,409
What?

359
00:20:37,720 --> 00:20:40,644
You can get 'em back at 2:45.
After the last bell.

360
00:20:40,920 --> 00:20:43,526
Ms. Wicklund.
Our phones are who we are.

361
00:20:43,800 --> 00:20:45,976
If you take away my phone like I'm
some sort of pygmy in Monaco.

362
00:20:46,000 --> 00:20:48,606
- Who am I supposed to be?
- I feel like I'm going to pass oot.

363
00:20:48,880 --> 00:20:50,803
And now Colleen M.'s
having hot flashes.

364
00:20:51,080 --> 00:20:53,367
You're on a new
phone plan now. girls.

365
00:20:53,640 --> 00:20:56,564
Unlimited minutes. unlimited
looks to the world around you.

366
00:20:56,840 --> 00:20:58,842
And no roaming charges.

367
00:20:59,160 --> 00:21:02,084
So go roam.
Withoot your phones!

368
00:21:02,360 --> 00:21:04,283
Here I go.

369
00:21:05,880 --> 00:21:08,167
Are you happy. Ms. Wicklund?
You killed Colleen.

370
00:21:16,600 --> 00:21:19,490
- The gym floor was really hard.
- I know. it's okay.

371
00:21:20,640 --> 00:21:23,450
Greetings.
Cess-bearing scholars.

372
00:21:23,760 --> 00:21:25,888
Are you ready to go deep
inside the annals of history?

373
00:21:32,680 --> 00:21:35,843
We're still talking aboot
World War ll.

374
00:21:36,120 --> 00:21:38,691
Fascists. Genocide.

375
00:21:38,960 --> 00:21:41,566
The worst thing that has
ever happened to human kind.

376
00:21:42,760 --> 00:21:45,176
Why do we even gotta learn about
this old stuff anyway. Ms. Maurice?

377
00:21:45,200 --> 00:21:48,249
I mean. it happened. like.
A million miles away,

378
00:21:48,520 --> 00:21:49,520
like a million years ago.

379
00:21:49,640 --> 00:21:51,130
Mon dieu?

380
00:21:51,400 --> 00:21:53,846
You all think history
is so boring.

381
00:21:54,120 --> 00:21:57,602
Well. what if I told you.
During World War ll.

382
00:21:57,920 --> 00:22:00,844
There were Nazis right here.
In Winnipeg?

383
00:22:01,120 --> 00:22:04,090
All of them making
preparation for the day Hitler

384
00:22:04,360 --> 00:22:07,330
finally came to conquer
Canada and the United States.

385
00:22:07,640 --> 00:22:09,881
There were Nazis here in Canada.
Ms. Maurice?

386
00:22:10,160 --> 00:22:13,607
Let's see. what can
I tell you about Canadian Nazis?

387
00:22:14,560 --> 00:22:18,246
Well. many years back
in the 1930's there was

388
00:22:18,520 --> 00:22:20,921
a great depression
in the True North.

389
00:22:21,240 --> 00:22:22,605
Canadians were hungry.

390
00:22:22,880 --> 00:22:25,281
Some turned their hunger into anger.
And they looked for

391
00:22:25,560 --> 00:22:28,689
someone else to blame for
the country's financial woes.

392
00:22:29,000 --> 00:22:34,086
And as a result. in Toronto.
The first Swastika Club opens.

393
00:22:34,360 --> 00:22:37,489
A pub full of drunks.
Offering up anti-Semitic rabble

394
00:22:37,800 --> 00:22:40,280
aboot deporting Canadian Jews
to the Hudson Bay.

395
00:22:40,560 --> 00:22:43,245
Wait. they wanted
to send them shopping?

396
00:22:43,520 --> 00:22:46,569
Not to the Hudson Bay
department store. Ms. Collette.

397
00:22:46,840 --> 00:22:49,241
I'm talkin' aboot the
actual Hudson Bay.

398
00:22:49,560 --> 00:22:51,000
Like.
Put them all oot in the water'?

399
00:22:51,120 --> 00:22:52,884
That's just so wrong.

400
00:22:53,160 --> 00:22:55,561
The Canadian Union of
Fascists was founded right here.

401
00:22:55,840 --> 00:22:58,969
In Winnipeg by a Manitoban.

402
00:22:59,280 --> 00:23:01,931
And over in Quebec. you had
the big kahuna of crazy himself.

403
00:23:02,240 --> 00:23:06,450
The nuttiest of all nut bars.
Adrien Arcand.

404
00:23:06,720 --> 00:23:08,927
The self-proclaimed
Canadian fuhrer.

405
00:23:09,240 --> 00:23:12,005
So. this Arcand guy was.
Like. Canadian Hitler?

406
00:23:12,280 --> 00:23:14,965
Is that as bad as.
Like. Canadian Idol?

407
00:23:15,240 --> 00:23:17,891
- Nothing's as bad as Canadian Idol.
- Right?

408
00:23:18,160 --> 00:23:21,528
Let me take you back to
a time in Canadian History

409
00:23:21,840 --> 00:23:24,844
this nation has tried
so very hard to forget.

410
00:23:25,360 --> 00:23:27,124
In this trying time...

411
00:23:27,400 --> 00:23:29,536
Adrien Arcand
was an anti-Semitic journalist

412
00:23:29,560 --> 00:23:33,121
in Montreal who spearheaded
a series of fascist political

413
00:23:33,440 --> 00:23:36,125
movements in Quebec before
the start of World War ll.

414
00:23:37,400 --> 00:23:39,880
Why are you hungry?

415
00:23:40,160 --> 00:23:42,128
Why are you unemployed?

416
00:23:42,440 --> 00:23:47,765
Is it. as our ally in Germany.
Adolf Hitler. tells us,

417
00:23:48,080 --> 00:23:51,448
the fault of the Canadian Jew?
Yes. it is!

418
00:23:54,320 --> 00:23:58,769
Now Henry Hamilton Beamish
suggests that to save

419
00:23:59,080 --> 00:24:02,801
Canada from ethnic ruin.
We must send all Canadian Jews

420
00:24:03,080 --> 00:24:04,809
to Madagascar.

421
00:24:05,080 --> 00:24:11,326
Instead. we at the Parti
National have a better plan.

422
00:24:17,000 --> 00:24:20,971
First. we will round
up all Canadian Jews

423
00:24:21,280 --> 00:24:24,124
and ship them off
to the Hudson Bay.

424
00:24:24,440 --> 00:24:28,411
Then we will fire cannons
at their boats

425
00:24:28,680 --> 00:24:30,648
and sink them!

426
00:24:32,680 --> 00:24:34,170
Why are you not applauding?

427
00:24:34,440 --> 00:24:36,283
Naturally.
These atrocious ideas

428
00:24:36,560 --> 00:24:37,560
were met with derisions

429
00:24:37,680 --> 00:24:39,256
from the good and
mighty people of Quebec.

430
00:24:39,280 --> 00:24:41,965
This plan is the shit!

431
00:24:42,920 --> 00:24:45,640
But not everyone in
attendance that day was from Quebec.

432
00:24:45,800 --> 00:24:48,201
Wunderbar! Wunderbar!

433
00:24:50,000 --> 00:24:52,176
Andronicus Arcane
was a brilliant scientist

434
00:24:52,200 --> 00:24:55,682
from Berlin who was teaching at the
University of Lachute in Quebec

435
00:24:55,960 --> 00:24:59,203
when he first heard the
clarion call of the Nazi Party.

436
00:24:59,520 --> 00:25:03,002
So. Adrien Arcand took Andronicus
Arcane under his wing.

437
00:25:03,440 --> 00:25:05,807
And soon there were more.

438
00:25:07,760 --> 00:25:09,683
These jackbooted thugs
would torment immigrants

439
00:25:09,960 --> 00:25:12,440
and minorities
throughout Montreal.

440
00:25:12,720 --> 00:25:17,726
They called themselves the
National Unity Party of Canada.

441
00:25:18,760 --> 00:25:21,047
Which was a very
polite way of saying

442
00:25:21,320 --> 00:25:24,324
Canadian Nazis.

443
00:25:33,920 --> 00:25:36,048
So what ever happened
to these guys. Ms. Maurice?

444
00:25:36,320 --> 00:25:37,731
They ever get caught?

445
00:25:38,000 --> 00:25:42,642
In 1940 the Service de
Quebec arrested Adrien Arcand.

446
00:25:42,920 --> 00:25:45,844
And under the War Measures Act.
Arcand was locked up

447
00:25:46,120 --> 00:25:48,361
as a security threat to
our home and native land.

448
00:25:48,640 --> 00:25:52,326
He died in 1967 still believing
Hitler would rise again.

449
00:25:52,600 --> 00:25:53,960
But what aboot
the man from Berlin?

450
00:25:54,160 --> 00:25:56,367
Oh. Yeah. What aboot him?

451
00:25:56,640 --> 00:25:58,961
Andronicus Arcane?

452
00:26:01,080 --> 00:26:03,606
He was never found.

453
00:26:03,920 --> 00:26:06,082
Poof!
He just disappeared.

454
00:26:06,360 --> 00:26:09,569
Poof?

455
00:26:09,880 --> 00:26:13,930
Perfect timing class dismissed.

456
00:26:25,760 --> 00:26:27,125
How basic.

457
00:26:27,440 --> 00:26:30,887
Straight from the Eh-to-Zed
it's the Mountie McBeaver Doll.

458
00:26:31,200 --> 00:26:33,376
Oh. Where did
all my beaver stuffies go?

459
00:26:33,400 --> 00:26:34,656
Well. frankly Tabitha.

460
00:26:34,680 --> 00:26:37,365
I don't give a damn
about your beavers.

461
00:26:37,640 --> 00:26:38,846
Are you doing me'?

462
00:26:40,640 --> 00:26:43,484
- That's hysterical.
- I know.

463
00:26:43,760 --> 00:26:45,250
C'mon. Isn't anybody on duty?

464
00:26:45,520 --> 00:26:47,443
Who's dropping a
doodie in my office? Oh!

465
00:26:53,960 --> 00:26:57,089
What a nice surprise.
It's Lulu and Lemon.

466
00:26:57,360 --> 00:26:59,283
Good afternoon
Principle Invincible.

467
00:26:59,600 --> 00:27:01,967
Good afternoon.
Colleen squared.

468
00:27:02,240 --> 00:27:03,480
We're here for our phones.

469
00:27:03,760 --> 00:27:05,336
We haven't had them since PE.

470
00:27:05,360 --> 00:27:07,010
Ms. Wicklund unjustly
confiscated them.

471
00:27:07,320 --> 00:27:08,606
And Colleen here fainted.

472
00:27:08,880 --> 00:27:10,609
- I passed oot.
- Oh!

473
00:27:10,880 --> 00:27:12,696
We're not
pressing charges or anything.

474
00:27:12,720 --> 00:27:13,323
We're not going crazy.

475
00:27:13,600 --> 00:27:15,364
We just want our
phones back now. please.

476
00:27:15,640 --> 00:27:17,244
Oh. Of course girls.

477
00:27:17,520 --> 00:27:21,127
And I am so. so sorry
that that happened to you.

478
00:27:21,400 --> 00:27:24,006
The sad tale of
heart-wrenching woe.

479
00:27:24,280 --> 00:27:25,884
I mean. it could win an Oscar.

480
00:27:26,160 --> 00:27:28,606
Really. you could write it up,
sell it, and win an Oscar.

481
00:27:28,920 --> 00:27:30,649
Seriously. you could call it.

482
00:27:30,960 --> 00:27:33,247
Um. Twelve Years a Private
School Student.

483
00:27:33,880 --> 00:27:35,370
You see what I did there?

484
00:27:35,680 --> 00:27:38,365
I compared your privileged
lives to slaves.

485
00:27:38,720 --> 00:27:39,926
And that's weird.

486
00:27:40,200 --> 00:27:41,645
'Cause I'm black.

487
00:27:43,280 --> 00:27:44,280
That's not funny.

488
00:27:44,520 --> 00:27:46,727
Sorry.
Principle Invincible.

489
00:27:48,760 --> 00:27:50,285
Here.

490
00:27:50,560 --> 00:27:52,080
And keep your faces
out of your phones.

491
00:27:52,280 --> 00:27:54,647
I don't care if they do have
a cool gummy rubber cover

492
00:27:54,920 --> 00:27:55,920
that you can personalize.

493
00:27:56,080 --> 00:27:57,400
- We have the same case!
- I know.

494
00:27:57,560 --> 00:27:59,722
Very trendy. my friendy.

495
00:28:00,040 --> 00:28:02,008
Oh. Ladies. I am an educator.

496
00:28:02,280 --> 00:28:04,296
It is my job to shape the minds
of the young and the stupid.

497
00:28:04,320 --> 00:28:09,611
So I need to be able to think.
Like the young and the stupid.

498
00:28:09,920 --> 00:28:12,571
Which means I'm not gonna let
my students be cooler than me.

499
00:28:12,880 --> 00:28:16,282
I do my research.
I read this rag. weekly.

500
00:28:16,560 --> 00:28:18,767
Oh my god.
We read that every week.

501
00:28:19,040 --> 00:28:20,040
Oh. I know.

502
00:28:20,240 --> 00:28:23,005
The "Famous People Are Just
Like You" page is the best.

503
00:28:23,280 --> 00:28:24,536
You know. when they, like,
show the celebrities

504
00:28:24,560 --> 00:28:25,856
doing normal things.
Like. just like us.

505
00:28:25,880 --> 00:28:27,320
That is the best
part of Them Weekly.

506
00:28:27,600 --> 00:28:29,921
One time they showed
Harry Styles buying bacon.

507
00:28:36,400 --> 00:28:38,721
- It was so hot.
- So hot.

508
00:28:39,000 --> 00:28:40,684
Okay. all right.
I need to run this school.

509
00:28:40,960 --> 00:28:44,009
Be good Colleens.
And be nice, all right'?

510
00:28:44,280 --> 00:28:46,123
There's enough haters
in the world already.

511
00:28:46,400 --> 00:28:50,007
Yes.
Principle Invincible.

512
00:28:52,720 --> 00:28:57,089
Oh my god. my phone's dead,
my phone's dead!

513
00:28:57,360 --> 00:28:59,328
Oh my god! My phone's dead!

514
00:28:59,640 --> 00:29:02,450
Children should
not play with dead things.

515
00:29:06,400 --> 00:29:08,641
Bonjour.

516
00:29:08,920 --> 00:29:10,206
My name is Guy Lapointe.

517
00:29:17,000 --> 00:29:20,402
Righty-oh. So the good news is

518
00:29:20,720 --> 00:29:24,327
your school library does
indeed have a copy of my book.

519
00:29:24,600 --> 00:29:32,600
Guy Lapointe and the Quite Queer
Case of the Manitoba Manatee.

520
00:29:33,080 --> 00:29:37,404
The bad news is. regrettably.
Some naughty student

521
00:29:37,720 --> 00:29:42,806
has decided to deface it
by changing the word "Guy"

522
00:29:43,080 --> 00:29:46,562
and adding in "A"
so that it says "Gay".

523
00:29:48,280 --> 00:29:50,601
And also.

524
00:29:51,040 --> 00:29:54,965
They added a set of testicles
right under my nose.

525
00:29:55,280 --> 00:29:57,760
You see that? You see that?

526
00:29:58,040 --> 00:30:00,850
With that kind of.
You know, awful poking hair,

527
00:30:01,160 --> 00:30:04,767
I don't know why.
Sticking out of them.

528
00:30:05,080 --> 00:30:06,491
You can put it down now.

529
00:30:06,760 --> 00:30:08,603
Oh. Okay.

530
00:30:08,880 --> 00:30:14,171
Haters have got to hate.
Like the douches have to douche.

531
00:30:14,440 --> 00:30:17,046
That's the life.
Right there in a nutshell.

532
00:30:17,320 --> 00:30:21,120
I'm not referring to
that nutshell either.

533
00:30:21,920 --> 00:30:24,127
I don't know if you
guys remember this.

534
00:30:24,400 --> 00:30:27,085
But you know we did meet
once before. Do you?

535
00:30:27,360 --> 00:30:28,930
- Oh. We remember you.
- You do?

536
00:30:29,200 --> 00:30:31,202
Yeah. you came to Eh-2-Zed
with that American girl

537
00:30:31,520 --> 00:30:32,520
and that podcaster.

538
00:30:32,680 --> 00:30:34,336
Yeah. You're the legendary
man hunter from Quebec.

539
00:30:34,360 --> 00:30:36,169
Yes. I am that man.

540
00:30:36,480 --> 00:30:38,209
The man who saved
the Winnipeg Walrus.

541
00:30:38,520 --> 00:30:42,241
Wow. you know something?
That's a very good title.

542
00:30:42,520 --> 00:30:46,764
Guy Lapointe and
the Winnipeg Walrus.

543
00:30:47,080 --> 00:30:50,607
Goddammit.
I should've chose that title.

544
00:30:50,880 --> 00:30:53,804
But. you know, still, we did
okay without it. I mean...

545
00:30:54,120 --> 00:30:56,441
One critic even described
my book as. like.

546
00:30:56,720 --> 00:31:02,284
You know. like a uh,
John Grisham-ist thriller

547
00:31:02,560 --> 00:31:04,562
who was set in the Canada.

548
00:31:04,880 --> 00:31:07,360
That review I
showed to my mother.

549
00:31:07,680 --> 00:31:09,170
- Aw.
- Mm.

550
00:31:09,440 --> 00:31:13,240
And you know, that was. like, the
good one, and the rest of them were

551
00:31:13,560 --> 00:31:15,130
not so kind. you see.

552
00:31:15,440 --> 00:31:18,842
I read one from the
Toronto Paper that said.

553
00:31:19,120 --> 00:31:23,967
"This is what happens when
you publish poop."

554
00:31:26,800 --> 00:31:29,121
People can be goddamn
mean. You know?

555
00:31:30,360 --> 00:31:32,283
Sorry. That was very rude.

556
00:31:32,560 --> 00:31:33,560
Sorry aboot that.

557
00:31:33,800 --> 00:31:36,007
Right. on to my
questions then.

558
00:31:36,280 --> 00:31:40,126
Do either of you recognize

559
00:31:40,400 --> 00:31:43,688
this very proud and
quite hairy Canadian?

560
00:31:43,960 --> 00:31:46,691
That was that giant fart
that called us yoga hosers.

561
00:31:46,960 --> 00:31:49,361
- Oh. Toilet Paper Man.
- Yeah.

562
00:31:49,680 --> 00:31:51,330
Why Toilet Paper Man?

563
00:31:51,640 --> 00:31:52,800
Cause he bought toilet paper.

564
00:31:52,960 --> 00:31:54,325
- He bought toilet paper.
- Duh.

565
00:31:54,640 --> 00:31:58,201
And for this reason alone you call
this man the Toilet Paper Man?

566
00:31:58,520 --> 00:32:00,045
- Well. yeah.
- Yeah.

567
00:32:00,360 --> 00:32:02,169
I don't mean to be a critic.
Maybe I do.

568
00:32:02,480 --> 00:32:03,925
Maybe you need to be hurt.

569
00:32:04,240 --> 00:32:06,971
I'm telling you now. that is
one of the stupidest names

570
00:32:07,280 --> 00:32:09,487
I ever heard in my life.
Very unimaginative.

571
00:32:09,760 --> 00:32:11,649
- That's pretty rude.
- Yeah.

572
00:32:11,920 --> 00:32:14,400
This man's name is
the Francois Jois.

573
00:32:14,680 --> 00:32:19,641
He's from Gatineau. Quebec.
And he was a fugitive

574
00:32:19,960 --> 00:32:22,804
from the law. and he was
hiding out right here.

575
00:32:23,080 --> 00:32:24,411
Hiding from what?

576
00:32:24,720 --> 00:32:27,326
He was hiding from the
investigating prowess of

577
00:32:27,640 --> 00:32:30,883
the Service de Quebec.
Which is kind of a joke.

578
00:32:31,160 --> 00:32:33,891
Because. like, they couldn't
find their own butt holes

579
00:32:34,160 --> 00:32:37,721
even with. like, a butt hole
application on their telephone

580
00:32:38,000 --> 00:32:40,731
to find their butt hole.

581
00:32:41,000 --> 00:32:42,286
Okay.

582
00:32:42,640 --> 00:32:44,688
I probably shouldn't say
butt hole

583
00:32:44,960 --> 00:32:46,849
to two 14-year-old girls.
I'm so sorry.

584
00:32:47,160 --> 00:32:48,650
We're 15 and a half.

585
00:32:48,920 --> 00:32:50,729
Well. whatever.

586
00:32:52,080 --> 00:32:58,531
You sold a roll of Eh-2-Zed
discount brand bathroom tissue

587
00:32:58,800 --> 00:33:01,929
to the Toilet Paper Man
at what time?

588
00:33:02,200 --> 00:33:03,201
Right aboot closing.

589
00:33:03,480 --> 00:33:05,960
Yeah. he was all mad because
we had the store closed

590
00:33:06,240 --> 00:33:09,050
for. like, five minutes 'cause
we were going to the bathroom.

591
00:33:09,320 --> 00:33:11,800
You went to the
bathroom together?

592
00:33:12,080 --> 00:33:13,080
Well. yeah.

593
00:33:13,320 --> 00:33:16,881
I had to poop and I don't like to
go alone there. The toilet's weird.

594
00:33:17,160 --> 00:33:19,481
So while she's pooping.

595
00:33:20,680 --> 00:33:22,808
You're sitting there with her?

596
00:33:23,080 --> 00:33:25,526
Yeah. we're best
friends. Yeah.

597
00:33:25,800 --> 00:33:26,800
Why would we not'?

598
00:33:27,040 --> 00:33:29,202
That's quite disgusting.

599
00:33:30,840 --> 00:33:34,162
Best of luck on your
academic journey.

600
00:33:34,440 --> 00:33:36,602
Um. I don't know what you
plan to do in life.

601
00:33:36,880 --> 00:33:39,167
But I can promise you that
you won't need algebra.

602
00:33:40,040 --> 00:33:41,451
I knew it.

603
00:33:41,720 --> 00:33:43,484
Good day.

604
00:33:43,800 --> 00:33:46,406
Well. wait.
What'd Toilet Paper Man do?

605
00:33:47,040 --> 00:33:49,566
Oh.

606
00:33:53,360 --> 00:33:58,048
So. Toilet Paper Man was killed.

607
00:33:59,200 --> 00:34:00,725
Oh my god.

608
00:34:01,000 --> 00:34:03,844
He was cut into.
Like. a hundred pieces.

609
00:34:04,120 --> 00:34:05,770
Ew. no way.

610
00:34:06,040 --> 00:34:08,327
Well anyway. you two
girls with the same name,

611
00:34:08,600 --> 00:34:10,329
I thank you so
much for your time.

612
00:34:10,600 --> 00:34:11,965
And I give you the Au Revoir

613
00:34:12,280 --> 00:34:14,487
that I should have
given you before.

614
00:34:14,760 --> 00:34:16,489
I thank you.

615
00:34:16,760 --> 00:34:18,444
Okay.

616
00:34:21,400 --> 00:34:25,200
Ew. Why did your dad
text me. like, <i>37</i> times?

617
00:34:25,480 --> 00:34:27,608
Oh my god.
He's making us work tonight.

618
00:34:29,040 --> 00:34:30,336
You're going to Niagara Falls?

619
00:34:30,360 --> 00:34:32,931
Yup. Cruising like a couple
of Californians. How bout that?

620
00:34:33,200 --> 00:34:34,611
- Right now?
- Yeah.

621
00:34:34,880 --> 00:34:36,086
You can't leave.

622
00:34:36,360 --> 00:34:38,328
It's Niagara Falls. Colleen.

623
00:34:38,640 --> 00:34:40,847
We're settin' sail on
the Maid of the Mist.

624
00:34:41,120 --> 00:34:42,120
When did this happen?

625
00:34:42,240 --> 00:34:43,520
Oh. Tabitha surprised me with it

626
00:34:43,560 --> 00:34:44,976
as an early
birthday present this morning.

627
00:34:45,000 --> 00:34:46,081
Tabitha.

628
00:34:46,400 --> 00:34:47,520
Okay. you listen to me.

629
00:34:47,640 --> 00:34:49,376
I left you 10 messages
and a bushel of texts.

630
00:34:49,400 --> 00:34:50,696
I'm sorry. but you gotta
work at the store tonight.

631
00:34:50,720 --> 00:34:51,881
We can't. actually.

632
00:34:52,200 --> 00:34:53,896
Yes. you can. Colleen M., 'cause
I cleared it with your mom

633
00:34:53,920 --> 00:34:55,616
and you're going to be staying with
the McKenzies until Sunday morning.

634
00:34:55,640 --> 00:34:58,610
Mr. Collette. we got invited
to a grade 12 party tonight.

635
00:34:58,880 --> 00:34:59,880
Do you not remember?

636
00:35:00,120 --> 00:35:02,521
All I remember is Tabitha
telling me somethin' about

637
00:35:02,800 --> 00:35:06,725
flying to Niagara Falls. and after
that it is a blur of bliss.

638
00:35:09,440 --> 00:35:11,647
So happy. Bob.

639
00:35:11,960 --> 00:35:13,800
I'll get that for ya.
I love the leopard print.

640
00:35:13,840 --> 00:35:14,284
I love the leopard print.

641
00:35:14,560 --> 00:35:16,176
Okay girls. you're gonna be
working from six pm

642
00:35:16,200 --> 00:35:17,400
until closing and don't forget

643
00:35:17,600 --> 00:35:19,284
to set the alarm before
you lock up. okay?

644
00:35:19,600 --> 00:35:20,976
You did this on purpose.
Didn't you?

645
00:35:21,000 --> 00:35:23,844
You could have taken him any
day. but you picked today.

646
00:35:24,120 --> 00:35:25,376
Just so we couldn't go
to the party.

647
00:35:25,400 --> 00:35:28,370
I have no idea what you're
talking aboot. Colleen.

648
00:35:30,560 --> 00:35:31,686
Goddamned yoga hosers.

649
00:35:31,960 --> 00:35:34,361
I love you so much.
Cauliflower. I love you so much.

650
00:35:34,640 --> 00:35:37,803
Listen. no boys. no boys.
No bull, no boys, no boys.

651
00:35:38,120 --> 00:35:39,256
- Okay. I gotta go.
- Dad. Dad!

652
00:35:39,280 --> 00:35:43,922
- Dad. Dad!
You can't leave.

653
00:35:44,200 --> 00:35:45,929
- Come on. please.
- Dad. we have...

654
00:35:49,200 --> 00:35:51,328
No!

655
00:35:55,440 --> 00:35:56,441
Oh. my god!

656
00:35:56,760 --> 00:35:59,240
No. no. no. no, no.

657
00:35:59,560 --> 00:36:01,562
Oh. you are killing me,
do you understand me'?

658
00:36:01,840 --> 00:36:04,286
Killing me!

659
00:36:04,600 --> 00:36:06,284
Bark all you want.
Lawyer pants USA.

660
00:36:06,600 --> 00:36:08,523
I am not ceasing or desisting.

661
00:36:08,800 --> 00:36:10,131
Oh. ls that so?

662
00:36:10,440 --> 00:36:13,125
Well. I think you're being
rather obtuse and super fruity.

663
00:36:13,440 --> 00:36:16,489
So let's just say Namaste.
And leave it at that. eh?

664
00:36:16,760 --> 00:36:18,649
Namaste.

665
00:36:18,920 --> 00:36:21,491
You piece of beaver shit.

666
00:36:21,760 --> 00:36:23,967
Beaver shit?

667
00:36:29,720 --> 00:36:31,449
Sorry. girls.

668
00:36:31,720 --> 00:36:34,200
I am so sorry you girls
had to hear that parasite

669
00:36:34,480 --> 00:36:36,881
stealing my energies.
With his legal entitlement.

670
00:36:37,160 --> 00:36:39,162
Why does that lawyer
from Warner Brothers even

671
00:36:39,440 --> 00:36:40,456
keep calling you Yogi Bayer'?

672
00:36:40,480 --> 00:36:41,561
Oh. who knows?

673
00:36:41,840 --> 00:36:44,650
He says there's some cartoon
character that I'm violating.

674
00:36:44,920 --> 00:36:46,763
I mean. how can you
violate a cartoon?

675
00:36:47,040 --> 00:36:48,724
How do you own a cartoon. right'?

676
00:36:49,000 --> 00:36:49,569
Yeah.

677
00:36:49,840 --> 00:36:53,208
It's like a thing that doesn't exist.
It's like owning a leprechaun.

678
00:36:53,520 --> 00:36:54,885
Rude.

679
00:36:55,160 --> 00:36:57,686
So rude.
Okay. let's get back into it.

680
00:36:57,960 --> 00:36:58,960
Enough Sasketoonin'.

681
00:36:59,120 --> 00:37:02,124
Let's get
back into our Warrior One.

682
00:37:04,360 --> 00:37:09,571
Up to Perfection. Colleen C..
Hold that pose Colleen M..

683
00:37:09,880 --> 00:37:11,325
Hold it.

684
00:37:11,600 --> 00:37:14,888
Warrior Two.

685
00:37:16,560 --> 00:37:19,211
Come and get me now.
You serenity stealers.

686
00:37:19,480 --> 00:37:22,324
All you need to handle
any situation in life.

687
00:37:22,640 --> 00:37:24,847
Are the Warrior One and
Warrior Two positions. girls.

688
00:37:25,120 --> 00:37:26,246
Okay?

689
00:37:26,560 --> 00:37:29,564
Master those and you will master
anyone who gives you shit.

690
00:37:29,840 --> 00:37:32,571
Now let's go Lotus for
our closing meditation.

691
00:37:32,840 --> 00:37:35,650
Yoga teaches us to take
what the universe gives.

692
00:37:35,920 --> 00:37:37,729
And what?

693
00:37:38,000 --> 00:37:39,365
- Embrace it?
- Nope.

694
00:37:39,640 --> 00:37:42,086
Fight against it.
You fight against it.

695
00:37:42,360 --> 00:37:46,490
Yoga demands that we grab
the universe by the throat

696
00:37:46,760 --> 00:37:49,206
and we just choke it until
it bends to our will.

697
00:37:49,480 --> 00:37:52,245
We inflict yoga on our enemies
until they join us in peace.

698
00:37:52,520 --> 00:37:55,205
Always be peaceful change girls.

699
00:37:55,480 --> 00:37:58,245
But if you have to. you destroy
everything that threatens

700
00:37:58,520 --> 00:38:01,000
anyone or anything that you
love by hook or by crook.

701
00:38:01,280 --> 00:38:03,931
That's the yoga way.

702
00:38:04,200 --> 00:38:06,168
Wow.

703
00:38:06,440 --> 00:38:08,602
Please join me
in a final prayer.

704
00:38:08,880 --> 00:38:12,248
<i>Yoga Fett. Yoga Fett.</i>

705
00:38:12,560 --> 00:38:15,245
Yoga Fett. Yoga Fett.
Yoga Fett.

706
00:38:15,560 --> 00:38:19,804
Yoga Fett. Yoga Fett.

707
00:38:20,080 --> 00:38:24,449
And sorry not sorry.
Confetti feel.

708
00:38:26,040 --> 00:38:27,565
Caller. go ahead.

709
00:38:27,840 --> 00:38:31,003
Oh. hey Bob, big fan
and a first time caller...

710
00:38:31,280 --> 00:38:35,171
Hey. pack of True North Menthol.

711
00:38:38,440 --> 00:38:39,440
Those are lights.

712
00:38:39,600 --> 00:38:42,524
Sorry aboot that.

713
00:38:44,000 --> 00:38:49,040
You know girls.
That's just not very Canadian.

714
00:38:51,880 --> 00:38:53,962
C'mon Robin.
Let's get out of here.

715
00:38:54,240 --> 00:38:59,007
When is one's
virginity technically lost'?

716
00:39:00,680 --> 00:39:02,330
Like when what is the process

717
00:39:02,600 --> 00:39:04,250
when you're going
through the sex process

718
00:39:04,520 --> 00:39:06,921
of losing virginity.
That process?

719
00:39:07,240 --> 00:39:10,244
How can one come out at
the end and then say like...

720
00:39:16,040 --> 00:39:18,042
- Hunter's calling.
- So answer.

721
00:39:21,600 --> 00:39:22,886
Hello?

722
00:39:23,160 --> 00:39:25,083
Colleen McKenzie!

723
00:39:25,360 --> 00:39:26,850
Hunter.

724
00:39:27,120 --> 00:39:28,121
Where you at?

725
00:39:28,400 --> 00:39:32,121
You're missing a killer
grade 12 party over here.

726
00:39:32,440 --> 00:39:35,125
Please don't hate us. but we
got called into work tonight.

727
00:39:35,440 --> 00:39:36,440
That sucks.

728
00:39:36,560 --> 00:39:37,686
Yeah. it really sucks.

729
00:39:37,960 --> 00:39:40,361
Because there's like.
Nobody here tonight either.

730
00:39:40,640 --> 00:39:43,007
Holy shit.

731
00:39:43,320 --> 00:39:44,606
What?

732
00:39:44,880 --> 00:39:50,171
We could have a
party right here.

733
00:39:54,160 --> 00:39:56,367
Hunter. Hello.
This is Colleen C.

734
00:39:56,640 --> 00:39:58,656
We unfortunately cannot make
it to your party tonight

735
00:39:58,680 --> 00:40:00,648
but we want to invite
you to another party...

736
00:40:00,960 --> 00:40:01,961
At Eh-2-Zed.

737
00:40:04,480 --> 00:40:06,960
Hold on. this shit's loud,
let me go in the bedroom

738
00:40:07,240 --> 00:40:08,810
so I can hear.

739
00:40:09,080 --> 00:40:11,970
Ah ha. sweet.
Sweet dude.

740
00:40:14,320 --> 00:40:16,482
You want me to bring
the party to you guys?

741
00:40:16,760 --> 00:40:19,923
Won't your dad flip if we're
drinkin' beers in the 'Zed?

742
00:40:20,200 --> 00:40:21,645
Oh. don't you worry aboot that.

743
00:40:21,920 --> 00:40:24,446
My dad's long gone in Niagara
Falls with the store manager.

744
00:40:24,720 --> 00:40:27,963
And bring beers.
We don't have any booze here.

745
00:40:28,280 --> 00:40:30,362
Did you say boobs?

746
00:40:30,640 --> 00:40:32,324
Booze-uh.
Booze-uh.

747
00:40:32,600 --> 00:40:35,251
What time should
we head to the Zed?

748
00:40:35,520 --> 00:40:37,249
Nine o'clock?

749
00:40:37,520 --> 00:40:39,409
Perfect. We'll be there.

750
00:40:39,720 --> 00:40:41,449
And I can't wait...

751
00:40:41,720 --> 00:40:43,085
to see you. Colleen M.

752
00:40:43,360 --> 00:40:46,284
Show you what I'm
really all aboot.

753
00:40:48,120 --> 00:40:52,125
What the hell was that?

754
00:40:53,080 --> 00:40:54,525
Here we go.

755
00:40:54,800 --> 00:40:57,007
Going to the Zed
again is so stupid.

756
00:40:59,960 --> 00:41:01,769
Sorry.

757
00:41:02,040 --> 00:41:05,442
Now. follow me on this. Gordon.

758
00:41:05,720 --> 00:41:09,645
These girls just gift-wrapped
themselves for us.

759
00:41:09,920 --> 00:41:12,810
We were gonna have
to dig shallow graves

760
00:41:13,120 --> 00:41:16,044
after we cut 'em up.
Now we're goin' to their store.

761
00:41:16,320 --> 00:41:19,767
We kill 'em in the store.
Shit, we can take our time,

762
00:41:20,080 --> 00:41:22,321
do it right.

763
00:41:22,600 --> 00:41:25,444
We can leave their bodies
right between the Pucky Charms

764
00:41:25,760 --> 00:41:27,091
and the Chug-a-lugs.

765
00:41:27,360 --> 00:41:29,886
And all we gotta do is take
the money from the register.

766
00:41:30,160 --> 00:41:31,764
Break some shit
on the way oot...

767
00:41:32,040 --> 00:41:34,441
And make it look like a
failed robbery gone bad. eh?

768
00:41:34,760 --> 00:41:39,243
These stupid sophomore bitches
want to have a party at the Zed?

769
00:41:39,560 --> 00:41:42,245
We'll give 'em a party at the Zed.

770
00:41:42,560 --> 00:41:45,131
Their farewell party. yo.

771
00:41:52,280 --> 00:41:53,736
Where should I kiss
Hunter tonight?

772
00:41:53,760 --> 00:41:55,171
Ew. lips only.

773
00:41:55,440 --> 00:41:57,283
I mean. in the store?

774
00:41:57,560 --> 00:42:00,643
Keep it tasteful. McKenzie. Don't
whore him on the first date.

775
00:42:00,960 --> 00:42:02,610
Casual. not contrived.

776
00:42:02,920 --> 00:42:03,920
You give the best advice.

777
00:42:04,040 --> 00:42:06,008
You're my best friend
in the whole world.

778
00:42:06,280 --> 00:42:07,770
Aw. you're mine.

779
00:42:10,400 --> 00:42:11,481
Hear that?

780
00:42:11,800 --> 00:42:14,121
That's our destiny
knocking at the backdoor.

781
00:42:23,680 --> 00:42:24,680
Hi.

782
00:42:24,880 --> 00:42:29,124
Ladies. we are here to
cordially accept your invitation

783
00:42:29,440 --> 00:42:30,601
to party hardy.

784
00:42:30,880 --> 00:42:31,880
We?

785
00:42:32,160 --> 00:42:33,491
Party. yeah!

786
00:42:33,760 --> 00:42:34,760
What's he doing here?

787
00:42:35,000 --> 00:42:38,129
And where's everybody else?

788
00:42:40,000 --> 00:42:41,923
Hmm. where's everybody else?

789
00:42:42,200 --> 00:42:44,567
Well. when I made
the other seniors

790
00:42:44,880 --> 00:42:46,928
the same very generous
offer you made me

791
00:42:47,200 --> 00:42:48,565
to move the party here.

792
00:42:48,880 --> 00:42:51,281
Yeah. they all laughed at you.

793
00:42:51,560 --> 00:42:53,688
Tonya Simmons said. and I quote.

794
00:42:53,960 --> 00:42:55,883
"A party at the scummy Eh-2-Zed

795
00:42:56,160 --> 00:42:58,208
with those two little
girls from honors history?

796
00:42:58,520 --> 00:43:00,045
No way. eh?"

797
00:43:00,320 --> 00:43:02,320
"I'd rather kiss
Gordon Greenleaf."

798
00:43:02,520 --> 00:43:03,806
I'd rather kiss...

799
00:43:04,080 --> 00:43:05,080
She didn't say that. man.

800
00:43:05,360 --> 00:43:07,203
She was thinkin' it.

801
00:43:07,520 --> 00:43:10,490
Anyways. I've never
been much of a follower.

802
00:43:10,760 --> 00:43:13,366
So I left all
those losers behind

803
00:43:13,640 --> 00:43:15,608
and came here to
hang with you two.

804
00:43:17,320 --> 00:43:19,049
You left your own party?

805
00:43:19,320 --> 00:43:21,163
Parties are basic.
This is better.

806
00:43:21,440 --> 00:43:23,807
This is what they call in
the states. a kickback.

807
00:43:24,120 --> 00:43:25,120
States. Eh?

808
00:43:25,240 --> 00:43:27,607
And. I brought Gordon
so Colleen C. would have

809
00:43:27,920 --> 00:43:31,447
someone to talk to while
little Miss Colleen M. gives me

810
00:43:31,760 --> 00:43:33,683
a private tour.

811
00:43:40,400 --> 00:43:42,209
Looks like it's just us. eh?

812
00:43:42,520 --> 00:43:46,491
Maybe we should form
the Just Us League?

813
00:43:46,760 --> 00:43:48,205
A little kickback hookup.

814
00:43:48,520 --> 00:43:51,285
Yeah... heh.

815
00:43:53,040 --> 00:43:57,284
So this is the
Eh-2-Zed backroom. again.

816
00:44:03,760 --> 00:44:05,330
Epic.

817
00:44:05,600 --> 00:44:07,489
Colleen and I call
it the Highway to Hell.

818
00:44:07,760 --> 00:44:09,444
'Cause Eh-2-Zed's right
through that door.

819
00:44:09,720 --> 00:44:12,087
And Eh-2-Zed's
pretty much our hell.

820
00:44:12,360 --> 00:44:14,283
Highway to Hell?

821
00:44:14,560 --> 00:44:16,289
Mm-Hmm.

822
00:44:17,040 --> 00:44:18,804
Wow.

823
00:44:19,240 --> 00:44:23,006
Devil talk always
gives me goosebumps.

824
00:44:23,280 --> 00:44:23,803
Oh?

825
00:44:24,080 --> 00:44:25,366
See

826
00:44:26,440 --> 00:44:28,169
See

827
00:44:28,480 --> 00:44:30,005
Yeah.

828
00:44:31,960 --> 00:44:34,361
You believe in Satan?

829
00:44:34,640 --> 00:44:37,484
I used to believe in Santa.
Does that count?

830
00:44:45,000 --> 00:44:47,082
So basic.

831
00:44:47,360 --> 00:44:48,566
Mmmmm.

832
00:44:50,040 --> 00:44:53,283
Me and Gordon
are way into Satan.

833
00:44:53,560 --> 00:44:54,560
Ooh.

834
00:44:54,600 --> 00:44:58,047
Kind of like how you and
Colleen are way into yoga.

835
00:44:58,320 --> 00:44:59,970
Or your band'?

836
00:45:00,240 --> 00:45:00,968
Yeah.

837
00:45:01,240 --> 00:45:05,165
Now. the good news is that
we're Canadian Satanists.

838
00:45:05,480 --> 00:45:08,609
So we don't go in for
any of that touchy stuff.

839
00:45:08,880 --> 00:45:11,611
Your virtue stays intact.

840
00:45:11,880 --> 00:45:13,803
It's gotta.
You know why?

841
00:45:14,080 --> 00:45:15,127
Why?

842
00:45:15,440 --> 00:45:18,762
You see.
Satan seeks his souls pure.

843
00:45:19,040 --> 00:45:22,283
And there are no virgins
in grade 12.

844
00:45:22,560 --> 00:45:24,608
- Mm-hmm.
- All the virgins are in grade 10.

845
00:45:24,880 --> 00:45:27,850
Well. I've just been
waiting for the right person.

846
00:45:28,160 --> 00:45:29,764
In the right place.

847
00:45:30,080 --> 00:45:33,721
You are so adorable. McKenzie.
You think I want your body?

848
00:45:34,040 --> 00:45:36,930
I don't want your body.

849
00:45:37,200 --> 00:45:41,683
I just want your untouched.
Virgin soul.

850
00:45:41,960 --> 00:45:43,007
Okay.

851
00:45:43,280 --> 00:45:46,966
But. well,
the shit sandwich of it all,

852
00:45:49,520 --> 00:45:53,161
I kinda gotta cut
you open to get to it.

853
00:45:54,560 --> 00:45:55,686
Oh.

854
00:45:55,960 --> 00:45:58,247
You know. I'll be right back.
Just one sec.

855
00:45:58,520 --> 00:45:59,520
Colleen!

856
00:46:01,200 --> 00:46:03,646
I thank you for your sacrifice.
Colleen M.

857
00:46:03,920 --> 00:46:06,651
Every pure soul I give to
Satan brings me one step closer

858
00:46:06,920 --> 00:46:11,767
to meeting the beast
and that's gonna be so metal.

859
00:46:15,720 --> 00:46:16,720
What the hell's that?

860
00:46:16,960 --> 00:46:19,247
That's my mom's date knife
pointed at your balls.

861
00:46:20,960 --> 00:46:21,960
Okay.

862
00:46:22,000 --> 00:46:24,241
Is that enough metal for you.
Or do you want more?

863
00:46:24,560 --> 00:46:27,325
Oh. no. no. no, no.
Can we talk aboot this?

864
00:46:27,640 --> 00:46:28,289
Talk to The Mohel.

865
00:46:28,600 --> 00:46:29,681
Okay. okay.

866
00:46:29,960 --> 00:46:31,928
Put the knife down. pretty boy.

867
00:46:32,200 --> 00:46:37,445
Okay. knife's down.

868
00:46:40,880 --> 00:46:42,520
I guess I got a
little carried away there.

869
00:46:43,800 --> 00:46:44,800
Sorry aboot that.

870
00:46:45,000 --> 00:46:47,810
And I was gonna let
you get to second base.

871
00:46:52,960 --> 00:46:54,962
There's something inside of me.

872
00:46:56,880 --> 00:47:00,771
- Are you okay?
- Help me.

873
00:47:12,600 --> 00:47:13,965
Oh my god!

874
00:47:14,240 --> 00:47:16,208
Wunderbar!

875
00:47:17,760 --> 00:47:19,444
Colleen?

876
00:47:20,240 --> 00:47:22,447
Colleen?

877
00:47:22,720 --> 00:47:24,802
Here we go.

878
00:47:25,120 --> 00:47:26,724
Colleen?

879
00:47:27,800 --> 00:47:29,643
Colleen?

880
00:47:30,760 --> 00:47:31,807
McKenzie?

881
00:47:38,800 --> 00:47:40,962
Gordon. please.
Stop begging. okay?

882
00:47:41,240 --> 00:47:42,526
You are not getting any.

883
00:47:42,840 --> 00:47:44,046
My ass.

884
00:47:44,320 --> 00:47:46,640
Gordon. I swear to God. If you
puke. you're cleaning it up.

885
00:47:48,400 --> 00:47:49,890
Somethin' just
crawled up in my ass!

886
00:47:51,880 --> 00:47:53,848
Is this what happens
when you smoke weed?

887
00:47:58,960 --> 00:48:00,769
Oh no!

888
00:48:08,480 --> 00:48:10,482
Oh my god.

889
00:48:15,200 --> 00:48:17,009
Uh. Colleen?

890
00:48:18,080 --> 00:48:21,050
Wunderbar!

891
00:48:31,400 --> 00:48:32,083
<i>Hey.</i>

892
00:48:32,360 --> 00:48:34,488
What the hell was that?

893
00:48:35,280 --> 00:48:38,045
Nein. Nein. Nein. nein.

894
00:48:39,080 --> 00:48:40,080
Nein.

895
00:48:40,320 --> 00:48:43,164
- Sh... Sheisse!
- Oh hell no!

896
00:48:46,600 --> 00:48:49,649
- Shut up.
- Nein! - Shut up!

897
00:48:52,480 --> 00:48:55,723
Nein. Nein. Nein!

898
00:48:56,040 --> 00:48:59,408
Nein. Nein. Nein. nein, nein!

899
00:49:00,720 --> 00:49:02,165
Auf Wiedersehen.

900
00:49:09,120 --> 00:49:11,088
Did you know Hunter Calloway
was religious?

901
00:49:14,880 --> 00:49:18,009
Oh you piece of shit!

902
00:49:20,640 --> 00:49:22,722
Shut up!

903
00:49:23,000 --> 00:49:25,048
- Pull.
- Ew. no.

904
00:49:25,360 --> 00:49:27,761
- Pull!
- Okay. okay, okay, okay.

905
00:49:30,000 --> 00:49:32,765
Nein stretchy. Nein stretchy!

906
00:49:36,120 --> 00:49:38,361
Uhh.. Ah.

907
00:49:39,160 --> 00:49:43,529
Ahh... Ahhh.

908
00:49:44,640 --> 00:49:47,291
Mein Kampf.

909
00:49:58,160 --> 00:49:59,446
Security lights.

910
00:50:01,760 --> 00:50:02,966
911. eh?

911
00:50:03,240 --> 00:50:05,200
Hello? We're being attacked
by little sausage men.

912
00:50:05,280 --> 00:50:06,376
With concentrated
sauerkraut for blood.

913
00:50:06,400 --> 00:50:08,323
That look like Adolf Hitler.
Go.

914
00:50:08,600 --> 00:50:10,045
Oh. Hitler. eh?

915
00:50:10,360 --> 00:50:11,964
Well. he sure is a nasty camper.

916
00:50:12,280 --> 00:50:15,443
Worse than Dr. Doom and
Darth Vader combined.

917
00:50:15,720 --> 00:50:17,210
Yeah. boy.

918
00:50:17,480 --> 00:50:18,481
Shut up. old man.

919
00:50:18,760 --> 00:50:20,216
Send a bunch of cops to the
Eh-2-Zed on Portage and Wayne

920
00:50:20,240 --> 00:50:21,696
- and bring some body bags.
- Little ones.

921
00:50:21,720 --> 00:50:22,926
Hurry!

922
00:50:23,200 --> 00:50:25,726
Hello? Hello?

923
00:50:26,040 --> 00:50:27,883
Goddamned yoga hosers.

924
00:50:31,200 --> 00:50:34,170
Wunderbar.

925
00:50:36,160 --> 00:50:37,446
Man.

926
00:50:39,280 --> 00:50:40,884
We've got wieners.

927
00:50:41,240 --> 00:50:43,971
Check over there.

928
00:50:44,600 --> 00:50:49,242
Wunderbar!

929
00:50:49,760 --> 00:50:50,807
Seriously?

930
00:50:52,800 --> 00:50:54,165
Sausage party.

931
00:50:54,440 --> 00:50:55,560
I don't wanna die in Canada!

932
00:50:55,800 --> 00:50:57,131
We're not gonna die in Canada.

933
00:50:57,400 --> 00:51:00,609
- There's no other way oot!
- There's always another way.

934
00:51:00,880 --> 00:51:01,563
The Yoga Way.

935
00:51:01,840 --> 00:51:03,330
- The Yoga Way?
- The Yoga Way.

936
00:51:04,640 --> 00:51:07,120
Okay. Warrior One.

937
00:51:07,400 --> 00:51:08,840
- Hold it. McKenzie. Hold it.
- Okay.

938
00:51:08,880 --> 00:51:11,201
Warrior Two. back to back.

939
00:51:11,720 --> 00:51:13,085
Das frauleins!

940
00:51:13,880 --> 00:51:16,167
Now. on Warrior Three.
We yoga the shit out of these

941
00:51:16,440 --> 00:51:18,169
- bratwurst bitches. Okay?
- Okay.

942
00:51:18,440 --> 00:51:19,440
Warrior three.

943
00:51:26,480 --> 00:51:30,007
I'm not even supposed
to be here today!

944
00:51:32,080 --> 00:51:33,080
Schnell!

945
00:51:33,280 --> 00:51:33,883
Nein! Nein! Nein!

946
00:51:34,200 --> 00:51:35,645
Sheisse!

947
00:51:36,520 --> 00:51:39,763
- Take off!
- Nein. Wunderbar!

948
00:51:42,560 --> 00:51:43,560
Thank you.

949
00:51:46,840 --> 00:51:48,444
Yo.

950
00:51:48,720 --> 00:51:50,210
Slapshot.

951
00:51:54,320 --> 00:51:56,243
I've got aboot 10 left.

952
00:51:57,120 --> 00:51:58,884
I've got aboot the same.

953
00:51:59,160 --> 00:52:02,164
Then let's drop that puck. Go!

954
00:52:37,480 --> 00:52:40,643
Nein! Nein! Nein!

955
00:52:42,880 --> 00:52:45,247
Wow.

956
00:52:47,200 --> 00:52:49,362
Freeze.
Hands up. Hands up.

957
00:52:49,640 --> 00:52:51,961
Don't you move.
You goddamn yoga hosers!

958
00:52:52,280 --> 00:52:54,169
RCMP. freeze.

959
00:52:54,480 --> 00:52:55,766
This is so basic.

960
00:52:56,040 --> 00:52:57,883
This is beyond basic.

961
00:53:06,160 --> 00:53:07,605
- So basic.
- Shh.

962
00:53:12,600 --> 00:53:13,601
Stop it.
I'm itchy.

963
00:53:13,920 --> 00:53:15,046
Stop it.

964
00:53:18,640 --> 00:53:22,008
All right. C'mon. c'mon, c'mon.

965
00:53:23,360 --> 00:53:25,840
All right. You got aboot ten
minutes before the RCMP come back.

966
00:53:26,120 --> 00:53:28,521
I'll try to stall 'em
as long as I can.

967
00:53:28,800 --> 00:53:30,882
You know. thank you
very much for doing this.

968
00:53:31,160 --> 00:53:33,128
I cannot know how to
repay you for this.

969
00:53:33,440 --> 00:53:37,206
No. No. Thank you.
Look. this book, is my bible.

970
00:53:37,480 --> 00:53:41,326
And you're like a goddamn
Canadian Batman. Eh?

971
00:53:41,600 --> 00:53:44,251
Oh. That is so touching.
I cannot believe.

972
00:53:44,520 --> 00:53:45,520
I'll stall for a second.

973
00:53:54,000 --> 00:54:01,726
Um. I thought that maybe
you might need a stiff drink.

974
00:54:02,280 --> 00:54:04,806
You saw my mom?
Where is she?

975
00:54:05,080 --> 00:54:09,642
Well. she's out there and she's
trying to post bail. You know.

976
00:54:10,120 --> 00:54:13,886
Your father. who's name
I think is Bob Collette.

977
00:54:14,160 --> 00:54:17,687
They are having a heck of a time
getting in touch with that man.

978
00:54:17,960 --> 00:54:19,610
He's in Niagara Falls.

979
00:54:19,880 --> 00:54:22,929
The RCMP will not let your mommy

980
00:54:23,240 --> 00:54:28,326
bail you out of here
because the RCMP don't ever let.

981
00:54:28,600 --> 00:54:30,967
Eh. serial killers out on bail.

982
00:54:31,240 --> 00:54:34,323
And they're saying
that you are both

983
00:54:34,600 --> 00:54:37,888
the serial killers
because you killeded those...

984
00:54:38,160 --> 00:54:40,527
Those eh. two boys, you know.

985
00:54:40,840 --> 00:54:43,127
You killed the absolute
shit out of them.

986
00:54:43,400 --> 00:54:44,890
But we didn't kill the boys.

987
00:54:45,160 --> 00:54:46,321
We didn't kill anybody.

988
00:54:46,640 --> 00:54:47,641
They were gonna kill us.

989
00:54:47,920 --> 00:54:49,524
- They were devil worshipers.
- Yeah.

990
00:54:49,800 --> 00:54:54,647
I don't really know much about
the devil. but there we go.

991
00:54:56,360 --> 00:54:58,806
Somebody sure put their poop-holes
through hell. You know?

992
00:54:59,080 --> 00:55:02,323
We didn't do this.

993
00:55:02,600 --> 00:55:04,443
Who did then?

994
00:55:04,720 --> 00:55:06,290
It was the Bratzis.

995
00:55:06,560 --> 00:55:08,324
Bratzis?

996
00:55:08,600 --> 00:55:11,490
I want to know what this
Bratzi is. What is a Bratzi?

997
00:55:11,760 --> 00:55:14,176
It's like a foot-tall Canadian
Nazi and it's made of Bratwurst.

998
00:55:14,200 --> 00:55:15,656
They have concentrated
sauerkraut for blood.

999
00:55:15,680 --> 00:55:18,081
And they dress like
Mountie Beaver stuffies.

1000
00:55:18,360 --> 00:55:21,091
Are you guys tripping
on the pot?

1001
00:55:21,600 --> 00:55:26,561
I mean do you even hear
how crazy that sounds?

1002
00:55:27,160 --> 00:55:32,291
Yes. So I go down
to the old Eh-2-Zed

1003
00:55:33,080 --> 00:55:35,560
and I will look around myself.
You know?

1004
00:55:35,840 --> 00:55:41,961
Guy Lapointe style. and you
want to know what I believe now?

1005
00:55:42,280 --> 00:55:44,282
What?

1006
00:55:44,560 --> 00:55:49,327
I believe that I believe you.

1007
00:55:49,600 --> 00:55:50,806
You saw them?

1008
00:55:51,120 --> 00:55:53,282
Yeah.
I saw only this. You know.

1009
00:55:53,560 --> 00:55:58,361
It was buried in a wad of cheese
at the back of the microwave.

1010
00:55:58,640 --> 00:56:00,927
I found this.

1011
00:56:04,680 --> 00:56:06,250
What's this?

1012
00:56:06,520 --> 00:56:11,686
This is a land purchase
agreement signed in 1939

1013
00:56:11,960 --> 00:56:14,531
by the self-proclaimed
Canadian Fuhrer.

1014
00:56:14,800 --> 00:56:19,761
Adrien Arcand.

1015
00:56:20,040 --> 00:56:24,125
For 100 acres in the Winnipegs.

1016
00:56:24,440 --> 00:56:29,207
On this now sits a little
store that could be

1017
00:56:29,480 --> 00:56:33,530
very near and dear to
your hearts. I think so.

1018
00:56:33,800 --> 00:56:36,041
- Lulu Lemon?
- He's talking about the Zed.

1019
00:56:36,320 --> 00:56:37,401
Oh.

1020
00:56:37,680 --> 00:56:40,923
Canadian Nazis were
the original land owners

1021
00:56:41,200 --> 00:56:45,444
of that piece of land
where that store is now.

1022
00:56:45,760 --> 00:56:51,881
And it is my theory that these
horrific monsters never left.

1023
00:56:53,480 --> 00:56:58,850
That's why I need both of
you to help me solve this

1024
00:56:59,120 --> 00:57:04,001
quite queer case
of the untold tale

1025
00:57:04,320 --> 00:57:09,121
buried beneath the
Canadian convenience store.

1026
00:57:09,400 --> 00:57:11,767
Which is probably what I
should call the book. I think.

1027
00:57:12,080 --> 00:57:15,402
Okay. so.
When do we get out of here?

1028
00:57:15,680 --> 00:57:18,126
We don't get out of here. I do.

1029
00:57:18,400 --> 00:57:21,051
You don't.
Because you're in the jail.

1030
00:57:22,800 --> 00:57:24,848
" Right?

1031
00:57:25,120 --> 00:57:27,160
I'm gonna speak to this
fool in French for a second.

1032
00:57:28,040 --> 00:57:30,520
Excuse me.

1033
00:57:30,840 --> 00:57:33,127
I can get you
inside the Eh-2-Zed.

1034
00:57:33,400 --> 00:57:36,643
As you said. I
can get myself inside the Eh-2-Zed

1035
00:57:36,920 --> 00:57:41,244
quite easily. little kitty cat
woman smarty pantsies.

1036
00:57:41,560 --> 00:57:44,564
But you need me
to show you the secret passageway.

1037
00:57:46,000 --> 00:57:50,608
She's saying that I
need her for the secret passageway.

1038
00:57:50,880 --> 00:57:53,326
What secret passageway?

1039
00:57:53,600 --> 00:57:55,523
The Colleen who
doesn't speak the French

1040
00:57:55,800 --> 00:57:58,610
has never heard
of the passageway.

1041
00:57:58,920 --> 00:58:00,896
My Dad showed
only me the secret passageway.

1042
00:58:00,920 --> 00:58:02,331
And I'll take you there.

1043
00:58:02,600 --> 00:58:04,489
But you have to
get us out of here.

1044
00:58:04,800 --> 00:58:06,643
Understand?

1045
00:58:06,960 --> 00:58:09,201
Shit...

1046
00:58:11,640 --> 00:58:13,961
That means shit.

1047
00:58:39,680 --> 00:58:42,286
Aw it's Hunter's chalk line.

1048
00:58:42,920 --> 00:58:44,490
Ew.

1049
00:58:45,120 --> 00:58:46,929
Maybe we should Instagram it.

1050
00:58:47,200 --> 00:58:48,281
Ooh. right?

1051
00:58:48,560 --> 00:58:50,927
Uh. Mr. Lapointe?
Can we have our phones back now?

1052
00:58:55,840 --> 00:58:58,764
You want your phones?

1053
00:58:59,040 --> 00:59:01,611
No. I didn't steal your phones.

1054
00:59:01,880 --> 00:59:03,370
You didn't get our phones?

1055
00:59:03,640 --> 00:59:07,486
Do you mean that when I was illegally
breaking you out of the jail

1056
00:59:07,760 --> 00:59:10,206
that I forgot to steal your
precious telephones.

1057
00:59:10,480 --> 00:59:11,811
Is that what you're
trying to say?

1058
00:59:12,080 --> 00:59:14,845
Well. I'm sorry I'm so selfish.

1059
00:59:15,160 --> 00:59:16,207
Right?

1060
00:59:16,480 --> 00:59:18,084
How can I ever
make it up to you?

1061
00:59:18,360 --> 00:59:21,443
Well. you can start by letting us
change out of these prison rags.

1062
00:59:21,720 --> 00:59:23,722
Yeah. they make us look fat.

1063
00:59:24,040 --> 00:59:26,361
You listen to me.
You Lady Gagas.

1064
00:59:26,640 --> 00:59:29,371
You know that this is
not a photograph shoot

1065
00:59:29,640 --> 00:59:31,404
for the Canadian Vogue.

1066
00:59:31,720 --> 00:59:34,530
And I did not bring
for you wardrobe styles

1067
00:59:34,840 --> 00:59:36,976
with all that frilly business.
So what would you like to do?

1068
00:59:37,000 --> 00:59:39,571
Well. We have our Yoga
clothes and backup smocks

1069
00:59:39,840 --> 00:59:41,920
in the bathroom. can we at
least go change into that?

1070
00:59:41,960 --> 00:59:43,280
Yeah. and I'll take that
over this

1071
00:59:43,400 --> 00:59:46,483
Orange is the New Black
bullshit any day.

1072
00:59:46,760 --> 00:59:48,489
You have one Manitoban minute.

1073
00:59:48,760 --> 00:59:51,684
And then you will show me
the secret passage way.

1074
00:59:51,960 --> 00:59:53,883
So you must hurry up.

1075
00:59:54,200 --> 00:59:57,090
Hey. oh whoa.
No poopie stuff.

1076
00:59:57,360 --> 01:00:00,807
Ew.

1077
01:00:01,120 --> 01:00:03,851
Okay. Colleen. seriously,
why didn't you tell me about

1078
01:00:04,160 --> 01:00:06,128
this secret passageway?
That's so cool.

1079
01:00:06,400 --> 01:00:08,607
Seriously. there is
no secret passageway.

1080
01:00:08,920 --> 01:00:10,680
I'm pretty sure there
is a secret passageway.

1081
01:00:10,760 --> 01:00:11,760
You said there was.

1082
01:00:11,880 --> 01:00:15,771
I'm pretty sure I only said that to
get us oot of jail. Colleen. God.

1083
01:00:16,040 --> 01:00:18,216
If we don't prove the Bratzis exist.
We're going away for murder.

1084
01:00:18,240 --> 01:00:20,160
But what do
we do aboot Guy Lapointe?

1085
01:00:20,240 --> 01:00:21,856
I don't know.
Colleen. I guess it's time

1086
01:00:21,880 --> 01:00:24,121
to tell him there
is no secret passageway.

1087
01:00:44,000 --> 01:00:46,241
- Oh!

1088
01:00:50,080 --> 01:00:53,801
Das boo!

1089
01:02:16,520 --> 01:02:19,046
Oh. you're awake.

1090
01:02:19,320 --> 01:02:20,320
Wunderbar. Wunderbar.

1091
01:02:20,480 --> 01:02:26,328
Wunderbar. Wunderbar.

1092
01:02:26,640 --> 01:02:28,688
Bratzis. no?

1093
01:02:28,960 --> 01:02:30,041
Bratzis.

1094
01:02:30,320 --> 01:02:31,810
I would like to welcome you.

1095
01:02:32,160 --> 01:02:35,004
To my Canadian
Subterranean Stronghold

1096
01:02:35,440 --> 01:02:39,047
Located <i>37</i> feet below
the surface of Winnipeg.

1097
01:02:39,400 --> 01:02:43,291
Und I am Andronicus Arcane.

1098
01:02:43,560 --> 01:02:46,131
That's that guy Ms. Maurice
told us aboot in Honors History.

1099
01:02:46,400 --> 01:02:47,447
The man from Berlin?

1100
01:02:47,720 --> 01:02:50,485
Poof. He disappeared.

1101
01:02:50,760 --> 01:02:51,760
Poop?

1102
01:02:51,920 --> 01:02:53,843
Yah. frauleins.
I am from Berlin.

1103
01:02:54,120 --> 01:02:56,168
This is why I have
an accent that sounds

1104
01:02:56,440 --> 01:02:59,330
both scary und creepy.

1105
01:02:59,600 --> 01:03:03,002
So in an effort to make
our future communications

1106
01:03:03,280 --> 01:03:05,886
less spooky and more friendly.

1107
01:03:06,160 --> 01:03:08,606
I will now be speaking
only in the voice

1108
01:03:08,880 --> 01:03:12,248
of American movie star.
Al Pacino.

1109
01:03:15,320 --> 01:03:19,325
I bet all
you need are the dulcet tones

1110
01:03:19,600 --> 01:03:23,207
of one of Hollywood's
greatest living actors.

1111
01:03:23,480 --> 01:03:25,403
Hoowah.

1112
01:03:25,680 --> 01:03:28,650
Do you know what. that's not
a half-bad Al Pacino there.

1113
01:03:28,920 --> 01:03:30,445
Thank you.

1114
01:03:30,720 --> 01:03:33,166
- Who?
- Al Pacino.

1115
01:03:33,440 --> 01:03:37,001
Al Pacino. he was
an American president?

1116
01:03:37,280 --> 01:03:38,486
- Oh.
- Geez.

1117
01:03:38,800 --> 01:03:42,168
You see. the Third Reich
imprisoned me here

1118
01:03:42,440 --> 01:03:45,967
inside this Canadian
Subterranean Stronghold.

1119
01:03:46,240 --> 01:03:51,167
To build a clone army
that would conquer Canada

1120
01:03:51,480 --> 01:03:55,041
and the
United States of America.

1121
01:03:55,360 --> 01:03:56,600
Hoowah.

1122
01:03:56,880 --> 01:04:00,407
I used my own DNA and
made the clone bodies from

1123
01:04:00,680 --> 01:04:05,766
the finest bratwurst and sauerkraut
direct from Deutschland.

1124
01:04:06,040 --> 01:04:09,283
So in 1945. I initiated

1125
01:04:09,560 --> 01:04:12,643
the 100 year-long
incubation process.

1126
01:04:12,960 --> 01:04:17,568
And I put myself on ice.
In a cryogenic chamber,

1127
01:04:17,880 --> 01:04:20,929
timed to wake up when my
little wiener babies

1128
01:04:21,200 --> 01:04:24,329
were full-grown clones.

1129
01:04:27,720 --> 01:04:29,688
But 70 years later...

1130
01:04:29,960 --> 01:04:32,088
We've got real def. rhythms

1131
01:04:32,360 --> 01:04:32,963
And fresh new jams

1132
01:04:33,240 --> 01:04:34,287
You say we got egos...

1133
01:04:34,600 --> 01:04:36,762
The little Colleens
would change everything

1134
01:04:37,040 --> 01:04:40,169
simply by singin' a song.

1135
01:04:43,080 --> 01:04:44,730
Goddamn it. Ichabod.

1136
01:04:45,000 --> 01:04:46,525
How much did you plug
into that socket?

1137
01:04:46,800 --> 01:04:48,720
You told me to plug
everything into that soocket.

1138
01:04:48,960 --> 01:04:51,042
We're 14 years old. Ichabod.

1139
01:04:51,320 --> 01:04:54,210
Yeah. what are we supposed
to know about physics. Ichabod?

1140
01:04:54,480 --> 01:04:57,643
You guys wouldn't talk to me this
way if I was covered in tattoos.

1141
01:04:57,960 --> 01:05:00,691
The power outage in
the Eh-2-Zed that night.

1142
01:05:01,000 --> 01:05:04,322
Shorted out my ancient Canadian
Subterranean Generator.

1143
01:05:07,760 --> 01:05:12,607
So I woke up prematurely
from my cryogenic slumber.

1144
01:05:14,520 --> 01:05:18,570
But the incubation process
had also been interrupted...

1145
01:05:19,360 --> 01:05:20,646
Papa.

1146
01:05:20,920 --> 01:05:24,686
Forever stunting the growth
of my wiener babies.

1147
01:05:25,720 --> 01:05:29,520
My life's work was a failure.

1148
01:05:30,160 --> 01:05:31,969
Hoowah.

1149
01:05:32,280 --> 01:05:35,045
That's so sad.

1150
01:05:35,320 --> 01:05:37,496
Yeah. maybe it
would be less sad coming from

1151
01:05:37,520 --> 01:05:40,490
American tough guy. Sylvester Stallone.

1152
01:05:42,200 --> 01:05:43,736
So. you know.

1153
01:05:43,760 --> 01:05:46,764
Even though making
clones was my life's work.

1154
01:05:47,040 --> 01:05:49,850
It wasn't my passion. you know?

1155
01:05:50,120 --> 01:05:51,645
This guy sounds like Groot.

1156
01:05:51,920 --> 01:05:54,890
No. he was being
Sylvester Stallone.

1157
01:05:55,480 --> 01:05:56,925
Who?

1158
01:05:57,200 --> 01:06:00,647
So. anyway,
before I got into science

1159
01:06:00,920 --> 01:06:03,207
and before the war.

1160
01:06:03,520 --> 01:06:06,046
And then before I met
Adrien Arcand. I was like.

1161
01:06:06,360 --> 01:06:07,566
"Yo. Adrien."

1162
01:06:07,840 --> 01:06:11,447
Adrian was the wife in the
movie of the Rocky Rambo.

1163
01:06:11,720 --> 01:06:13,688
He's very good.

1164
01:06:13,960 --> 01:06:17,123
And before the Nazi
No-good-nicks took over my life.

1165
01:06:17,400 --> 01:06:20,051
I was an artist. you know?

1166
01:06:20,320 --> 01:06:22,482
And my art was sculpting.
You know.

1167
01:06:22,760 --> 01:06:24,330
I'd chip away at the marble

1168
01:06:24,600 --> 01:06:26,364
until it was beautiful to me.
You know?

1169
01:06:26,640 --> 01:06:28,290
I loved being an artist.

1170
01:06:28,560 --> 01:06:30,767
Except for one thing.

1171
01:06:31,040 --> 01:06:33,202
I'm talkin' about the
goddamned critics. you know?

1172
01:06:33,480 --> 01:06:37,121
They told me I had no talent.
They told me I stink on ice.

1173
01:06:37,400 --> 01:06:41,246
They're so negative and hurtful.
They cut me. man.

1174
01:06:41,560 --> 01:06:43,856
They drove me away from doing
the thing I really love to do.

1175
01:06:43,880 --> 01:06:46,406
Ya know. being who I am.

1176
01:06:46,680 --> 01:06:50,366
That's when I found
Adrien Arcand and Canadian Nazis

1177
01:06:50,640 --> 01:06:54,008
and. you know, Hitler.

1178
01:06:54,320 --> 01:06:55,765
Oh.

1179
01:06:56,080 --> 01:06:57,081
Right?

1180
01:06:57,360 --> 01:06:59,966
You know that this man is
not a puppy on the internet?

1181
01:07:00,240 --> 01:07:03,164
Maybe my Stallone
is too aggressive

1182
01:07:03,440 --> 01:07:06,250
I will switch to a Hollywood
impression that is less threatening.

1183
01:07:07,960 --> 01:07:10,096
So. I didn't want to be

1184
01:07:10,120 --> 01:07:11,360
a Nazi for the rest of my life.

1185
01:07:12,880 --> 01:07:16,202
The exit tunnel of my Canadian
Subterranean Stronghold

1186
01:07:16,480 --> 01:07:18,767
got me to the backroom
of the Eh-2-Zed.

1187
01:07:19,040 --> 01:07:23,090
And one night. after closing.
I took my first steps

1188
01:07:23,400 --> 01:07:25,084
into a brave new world.

1189
01:07:27,880 --> 01:07:30,008
So. every night
after the store closed,

1190
01:07:30,320 --> 01:07:32,721
I would make myself at home
in the Eh-2-Zed backroom.

1191
01:07:33,000 --> 01:07:35,048
Where I learned to speak
English and do voices.

1192
01:07:35,360 --> 01:07:38,682
By watching every
single thing on Netflix.

1193
01:07:39,000 --> 01:07:40,843
I'll be...

1194
01:07:41,160 --> 01:07:42,160
I'll be back.

1195
01:07:42,400 --> 01:07:45,404
And I discovered that this
modern world worships popular.

1196
01:07:45,680 --> 01:07:47,011
Arts and entertainment.

1197
01:07:47,280 --> 01:07:49,203
I'll be back. I'll...

1198
01:07:49,480 --> 01:07:51,256
So, for the past six months.

1199
01:07:51,280 --> 01:07:53,089
I've been sculpting again.
Don't ya know?

1200
01:07:53,360 --> 01:07:57,445
Sculpting up a storm with the help
of my wicked little wiener babies.

1201
01:07:57,760 --> 01:08:00,331
Wunderbar!

1202
01:08:00,640 --> 01:08:04,281
May I present the debut of
my first new work in decades.

1203
01:08:04,600 --> 01:08:07,922
It's a sculpture
celebrating my beloved

1204
01:08:08,200 --> 01:08:10,771
adopted home of Canada.

1205
01:08:11,040 --> 01:08:15,170
I call it. the Goalie Golem.

1206
01:08:25,280 --> 01:08:27,521
So. what does everybody think?

1207
01:08:29,400 --> 01:08:33,086
Well. I will tell you

1208
01:08:33,360 --> 01:08:37,206
that this giant Canada man
is very bold.

1209
01:08:37,480 --> 01:08:39,130
And it's a real statement.
You know?

1210
01:08:39,400 --> 01:08:40,083
Mm-hmm.

1211
01:08:40,360 --> 01:08:44,365
It captures perfectly
that kind of essence

1212
01:08:44,680 --> 01:08:47,081
of the True North. you know.

1213
01:08:47,400 --> 01:08:50,131
Oh. thank you.

1214
01:08:50,440 --> 01:08:52,841
But it also captures the
actual people that you killed

1215
01:08:53,120 --> 01:08:55,885
in the sculpture as well.
Regrettably.

1216
01:08:56,200 --> 01:08:57,247
Hmm.

1217
01:08:57,520 --> 01:09:01,411
So I'm thinking that we should
all be very afraid right now.

1218
01:09:02,280 --> 01:09:04,442
But. Mr. Lapointe,
you and the Colleens

1219
01:09:04,720 --> 01:09:06,563
were never in any jeopardy.

1220
01:09:06,840 --> 01:09:09,161
You see. I brought the
Colleens here to help me.

1221
01:09:09,440 --> 01:09:12,603
I have a need for their
very specialized skills.

1222
01:09:12,920 --> 01:09:14,729
Um. I don't mean to be mean.

1223
01:09:15,000 --> 01:09:16,923
But I don't know
who this is either.

1224
01:09:17,200 --> 01:09:18,440
Rats.

1225
01:09:18,760 --> 01:09:21,286
Do you want to try doing
someone we might recognize?

1226
01:09:21,600 --> 01:09:23,045
Hmm.

1227
01:09:23,320 --> 01:09:25,926
Uh. do you know the actor
who played the Batman?

1228
01:09:26,200 --> 01:09:27,770
I can do him too.

1229
01:09:29,720 --> 01:09:33,406
You see girls.
Each night as I slaved away

1230
01:09:33,680 --> 01:09:37,685
over my masterpiece.
One dream fueled me.

1231
01:09:37,960 --> 01:09:39,962
Uh. that does not
sound like Batman.

1232
01:09:40,280 --> 01:09:42,203
Yeah. Batman sounds like...

1233
01:09:42,480 --> 01:09:45,006
Where's the trigger? Uhh.

1234
01:09:45,280 --> 01:09:46,850
Where's the trigger?

1235
01:09:47,160 --> 01:09:51,324
Uh. where's the trigger?

1236
01:09:51,600 --> 01:09:53,409
Uh...

1237
01:09:53,680 --> 01:09:57,480
No you don't understand.
He's doing the original.

1238
01:09:57,800 --> 01:10:00,724
The real Batman from the
televisions. Adam West's Batman.

1239
01:10:01,000 --> 01:10:02,161
- Wasn't it'?
- Yes.

1240
01:10:02,440 --> 01:10:03,851
It's supposed to sound like...

1241
01:10:04,120 --> 01:10:06,376
Uh. where's the trigger. Joker?

1242
01:10:06,400 --> 01:10:08,926
Uh uh.
Where's the trigger?

1243
01:10:09,200 --> 01:10:11,320
Do you know he never once
said that line to the Joker.

1244
01:10:11,360 --> 01:10:12,360
So just stop it.

1245
01:10:12,480 --> 01:10:14,801
The only thing I've dreamed
of for the past six months

1246
01:10:15,080 --> 01:10:19,608
is looking at a photograph
of me standing proudly

1247
01:10:19,880 --> 01:10:24,204
next to my sculpture on the
"Famous People are Just Like You"

1248
01:10:24,480 --> 01:10:27,484
page of Them Weekly magazine.

1249
01:10:27,760 --> 01:10:29,762
Oh my god. he reads it too!

1250
01:10:30,080 --> 01:10:31,525
Isn't that page. like, the best?

1251
01:10:31,800 --> 01:10:35,441
One time. they showed
Harry Styles buying bacon.

1252
01:10:40,840 --> 01:10:44,083
- It was so hot.
- It was so hot.

1253
01:10:44,360 --> 01:10:49,446
And this is my Harry Styles
buying bacon moment.

1254
01:10:59,800 --> 01:11:01,200
Now you are pleased
to photograph me

1255
01:11:01,440 --> 01:11:04,091
for Them Weekly magazine.

1256
01:11:04,600 --> 01:11:06,045
You're kidding!

1257
01:11:06,560 --> 01:11:09,370
You're never going to believe
this. Mr. Old Man. but

1258
01:11:09,640 --> 01:11:12,689
we don't have our phones.

1259
01:11:13,000 --> 01:11:17,767
What?
Nein. nein. nein. nein, nein.

1260
01:11:18,040 --> 01:11:20,361
So much nein it's almost 10.

1261
01:11:20,640 --> 01:11:23,450
How can this be? You always
have with the phones.

1262
01:11:23,760 --> 01:11:25,364
The cops took our phones.

1263
01:11:26,800 --> 01:11:29,326
Surely you must have a phone.
Herr Guy.

1264
01:11:29,640 --> 01:11:31,483
My phone has no camera.

1265
01:11:31,760 --> 01:11:33,285
What the fudge?

1266
01:11:33,800 --> 01:11:36,610
So. nobody has a camera.

1267
01:11:36,880 --> 01:11:41,249
I guess we have to go directly
to phase two of my master plan.

1268
01:11:45,520 --> 01:11:47,921
Fly my pretties,
Fly! C'mon.

1269
01:11:48,240 --> 01:11:49,240
Wunderbar!

1270
01:11:49,320 --> 01:11:52,688
That's right. yes.
Wiener babies, let's go!

1271
01:11:53,000 --> 01:11:54,331
C'mon. c'mon.

1272
01:11:54,600 --> 01:11:58,002
Let's all go to the lobby.
Let's all go to the lobby

1273
01:11:58,320 --> 01:11:59,970
Whoa.

1274
01:12:03,360 --> 01:12:07,763
And okay for you. Mr. Straggler.
Now you inside there.

1275
01:12:09,520 --> 01:12:15,880
Now. my wiener babies.
Bring mein art to life.

1276
01:12:16,160 --> 01:12:19,607
Rise. rise!

1277
01:12:22,120 --> 01:12:23,120
Rise!

1278
01:12:25,560 --> 01:12:27,528
Yeah that's what I'm
talkin' about. baby!

1279
01:12:29,640 --> 01:12:31,244
- Wow.
- Wow.

1280
01:12:31,920 --> 01:12:33,160
That's the same thing that

1281
01:12:33,440 --> 01:12:36,011
Them Weekly magazine
is gonna feel

1282
01:12:36,280 --> 01:12:37,725
when they see this baby.

1283
01:12:39,560 --> 01:12:42,370
For tonight he is going to
start his bloody rampage

1284
01:12:42,640 --> 01:12:44,290
across the True North.

1285
01:12:44,560 --> 01:12:49,248
Killing every art critic
in Canada.

1286
01:12:49,680 --> 01:12:51,011
What?

1287
01:12:52,000 --> 01:12:53,604
Go my Goalie Golem.

1288
01:12:53,880 --> 01:12:58,602
Go kill the critics and all
the haters that gotta hate.

1289
01:12:58,880 --> 01:13:01,281
Oh. I hate those haters.

1290
01:13:01,560 --> 01:13:04,325
- You can't let him do this.
- You've gotta stop him.

1291
01:13:04,600 --> 01:13:07,410
Let me just hang on a minute.
Let's...

1292
01:13:07,680 --> 01:13:10,923
He's not talking about
killing real people.

1293
01:13:11,240 --> 01:13:13,846
He's just talking
about killing critics.

1294
01:13:14,160 --> 01:13:15,446
Mr. Lapointe!

1295
01:13:15,720 --> 01:13:17,927
Let it go!
Use the ladder!

1296
01:13:18,200 --> 01:13:19,964
Go my Goalie Golem!

1297
01:13:22,800 --> 01:13:23,800
- We can do this.
- Yeah.

1298
01:13:24,040 --> 01:13:25,040
We don't need his help.

1299
01:13:25,160 --> 01:13:26,736
We do tons of stupid
stuff without adults.

1300
01:13:26,760 --> 01:13:28,205
- All the time.
- All the time.

1301
01:13:28,480 --> 01:13:30,403
It's just a bunch of
Bratzis in a giant suit.

1302
01:13:30,720 --> 01:13:32,768
And we beat a bunch of Bratzis before.
Mm-hmm. Yeah.

1303
01:13:33,040 --> 01:13:35,520
Okay but what are we gonna do
aboot Guy Lapointeless over here?

1304
01:13:36,120 --> 01:13:37,645
This epic fail?

1305
01:13:38,120 --> 01:13:40,805
Unhand me. Unhand!

1306
01:13:41,440 --> 01:13:44,171
Okay all we have to
do is do every yoga pose

1307
01:13:44,560 --> 01:13:45,800
Yogi Bayer ever taught us.

1308
01:13:46,080 --> 01:13:47,127
That's your plan?

1309
01:13:47,440 --> 01:13:50,842
What in the heck did your
yogurt instructor teach you?

1310
01:13:51,160 --> 01:13:53,083
He taught us to destroy
everything that threatens

1311
01:13:53,360 --> 01:13:55,601
anything and anyone you love.
By hook or by crook.

1312
01:13:55,880 --> 01:13:59,202
And that's the Yoga Way.
Frenchie. Let's go.

1313
01:13:59,960 --> 01:14:03,362
Wunderbar. wunderbar, wunderbar!

1314
01:14:03,640 --> 01:14:04,368
Hey Bratzi Party.

1315
01:14:04,640 --> 01:14:06,529
We wanna have a Weenie Roast.

1316
01:14:06,840 --> 01:14:12,051
Wunderbar!

1317
01:14:12,320 --> 01:14:16,006
Nein. Das frauleins!

1318
01:14:17,280 --> 01:14:25,280
Wunderbar. Wunderbar.
Wunderbar...

1319
01:14:25,840 --> 01:14:28,366
Nein. nein, nein,
nein, nein, nein.

1320
01:14:28,640 --> 01:14:31,928
You're objective is not
the Colleens. it's the critics.

1321
01:14:32,240 --> 01:14:35,210
- Nein wunderbar?
- Nein wunderbar.

1322
01:14:35,480 --> 01:14:37,960
This is all bad.
This is all wrong.

1323
01:14:38,240 --> 01:14:39,844
I give you two thumbs down.

1324
01:14:40,160 --> 01:14:42,288
Das frauleins.

1325
01:14:42,560 --> 01:14:46,326
As your maker. I command
you to crush all the critics

1326
01:14:46,600 --> 01:14:48,329
and the negative peoples

1327
01:14:48,600 --> 01:14:50,443
and the haters who
gotta hate. hate, hate.

1328
01:14:50,760 --> 01:14:52,171
Mein Heiny.

1329
01:14:52,440 --> 01:14:54,249
- What you waiting for?
- Haha..

1330
01:14:54,560 --> 01:14:57,848
I command you to kill a
negative critic right now!

1331
01:14:58,120 --> 01:14:59,929
Okey dokey. Papa.

1332
01:15:00,200 --> 01:15:01,531
Oh. Sheisse.

1333
01:15:07,960 --> 01:15:10,645
They just killed their dad.

1334
01:15:10,920 --> 01:15:18,920
Wunderbar. wunderbar,
wunderbar...

1335
01:15:20,280 --> 01:15:23,363
All right. I'd say
we got his attention.

1336
01:15:23,640 --> 01:15:24,641
Boss stage. biotch.

1337
01:15:24,960 --> 01:15:27,406
Wunderbar!

1338
01:15:27,680 --> 01:15:28,761
Warrior one!

1339
01:15:29,040 --> 01:15:31,088
Now. warrior two, back to back.

1340
01:15:31,360 --> 01:15:33,249
Okay. now warrior three...

1341
01:15:33,520 --> 01:15:36,410
We crush King Koopa
and save Princess Peach.

1342
01:15:36,720 --> 01:15:41,282
Yeah okay.
Warrior three!

1343
01:15:49,320 --> 01:15:51,243
- Shit!

1344
01:15:52,040 --> 01:15:53,485
Atlas Shrugged!

1345
01:15:53,760 --> 01:15:54,807
- Atlas Shrugged!

1346
01:15:56,840 --> 01:15:58,330
Dissatisfied customer!

1347
01:16:01,760 --> 01:16:03,967
"I don't like the
product you've given me!"

1348
01:16:05,800 --> 01:16:07,211
So. this is yoga.

1349
01:16:09,240 --> 01:16:10,321
Warrior Two!

1350
01:16:10,600 --> 01:16:11,840
- Yoga Fett?
- Yoga Fett.

1351
01:16:12,120 --> 01:16:16,603
Yoga Fett.
Yoga Fett. Yoga Fett. Yoga Fett.

1352
01:16:20,800 --> 01:16:22,006
Basic. right?

1353
01:16:22,280 --> 01:16:23,691
So basic.

1354
01:16:24,000 --> 01:16:25,047
Ah Schwein!

1355
01:16:30,080 --> 01:16:31,080
- You okay?
- I'm okay.

1356
01:16:31,360 --> 01:16:33,840
- Are you okay?
- It's been a long night.

1357
01:16:34,120 --> 01:16:35,645
Hey!

1358
01:16:35,920 --> 01:16:38,969
You big bear riding a bulldozer!

1359
01:16:39,280 --> 01:16:43,842
Wunderbar. Wunderbar.

1360
01:16:44,160 --> 01:16:47,209
Why don't you pick on
somebody your own size huh?

1361
01:16:47,480 --> 01:16:51,565
Wunderbar!

1362
01:16:52,320 --> 01:16:53,320
Don't come to me.

1363
01:16:53,480 --> 01:16:58,771
Wunderbar. Wunderbar.
Wunderbar.

1364
01:17:00,040 --> 01:17:02,168
Auf Wiedersehen!

1365
01:17:05,800 --> 01:17:07,040
Three-legged Dog!

1366
01:17:07,520 --> 01:17:08,601
What the...

1367
01:17:10,400 --> 01:17:11,845
Two-Legged Dog.
In a Push Cart.

1368
01:17:19,000 --> 01:17:22,721
Mein spine!

1369
01:17:23,040 --> 01:17:24,536
Of all the times not
to have our phones.

1370
01:17:24,560 --> 01:17:25,721
Right?

1371
01:17:36,440 --> 01:17:38,841
I am so sorry ladies.
But I seem

1372
01:17:39,120 --> 01:17:41,088
to have dropped my
book onto your wiener.

1373
01:17:55,560 --> 01:17:57,403
No, no, no, no, no!

1374
01:17:57,680 --> 01:17:59,576
I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
But this is getting ridiculous.

1375
01:17:59,600 --> 01:18:01,887
Now you're telling me that
you own Boo Boo Bayers too?

1376
01:18:03,280 --> 01:18:04,850
How can Warner Brothers
own something

1377
01:18:05,160 --> 01:18:06,810
that I just made up last week?

1378
01:18:07,120 --> 01:18:08,121
No. I did!

1379
01:18:08,400 --> 01:18:10,164
Yes. out of my own brain.

1380
01:18:10,440 --> 01:18:12,124
Smarter than what average bear?

1381
01:18:12,400 --> 01:18:13,400
No. No. No. I...

1382
01:18:13,560 --> 01:18:16,609
Sorry. sorry, may I speak?
Is it my turn to speak?

1383
01:18:16,920 --> 01:18:18,336
I think you need to
find some inner peace.

1384
01:18:18,360 --> 01:18:19,360
Mr. Yelling Lawyer Man.

1385
01:18:19,440 --> 01:18:21,363
So why don't you shove
your head up your anus

1386
01:18:21,680 --> 01:18:24,047
and look for it? Namaste.

1387
01:18:24,320 --> 01:18:26,607
Piece of shit.

1388
01:18:29,000 --> 01:18:30,729
Young ladies. Young ladies.

1389
01:18:31,000 --> 01:18:34,527
Might I just tell you I
am a huge. huge, huge fan.

1390
01:18:34,800 --> 01:18:36,484
Out! Get out! Take off!

1391
01:18:36,760 --> 01:18:37,841
- I'm a fan!
- Shoo!

1392
01:18:38,120 --> 01:18:38,803
No. No. No. you go!

1393
01:18:39,080 --> 01:18:40,536
- What am I. a dog?
- Shoo, get going!

1394
01:18:40,560 --> 01:18:42,080
- No. go, go!
- But I want to see them!

1395
01:18:42,240 --> 01:18:44,440
You're smudging my glass with
your perverted energy. go!

1396
01:18:44,560 --> 01:18:46,449
Sorry aboot that. girls.

1397
01:18:46,720 --> 01:18:49,160
I'm very incredibly satisfied
by those dissatisfied customers.

1398
01:18:49,400 --> 01:18:50,686
No. We don't want it. right?

1399
01:18:51,000 --> 01:18:53,606
And release.

1400
01:18:53,920 --> 01:18:55,200
Sorry about that guy.
Yogi Bayer.

1401
01:18:55,320 --> 01:18:57,440
No. No. No. do not be sorry.
That is not the yoga way.

1402
01:18:57,640 --> 01:19:01,042
In yoga. you're right
and they're wrong.

1403
01:19:01,320 --> 01:19:03,687
Savasana. ladies. Savasana.

1404
01:19:09,320 --> 01:19:13,006
You know. I am so
proud of you girls.

1405
01:19:13,280 --> 01:19:14,884
You really
legitimized this place

1406
01:19:15,160 --> 01:19:17,200
and brought honor to the
sacred strip mall yoga dojo

1407
01:19:17,360 --> 01:19:20,603
and a 60 percent increase in
walking traffic to boot!

1408
01:19:20,880 --> 01:19:22,848
My two best pupils.

1409
01:19:23,160 --> 01:19:25,925
Both faced the ultimate
evil. the yoga way.

1410
01:19:26,240 --> 01:19:28,925
And you kicked it's
little Nazi assner.

1411
01:19:30,240 --> 01:19:31,969
You girls are my kind of
superheroes.

1412
01:19:32,240 --> 01:19:32,809
And when I grow up.

1413
01:19:33,120 --> 01:19:35,487
I want to be as colossal
as the Colleens.

1414
01:19:35,760 --> 01:19:36,760
- Thanks. Yogi.
- Thanks.

1415
01:19:37,000 --> 01:19:38,764
Stop it. you're
going to make me cry.

1416
01:19:39,040 --> 01:19:40,804
Phones?

1417
01:19:41,080 --> 01:19:43,811
- You're on speaker phone. Dad.
- Hi. Mr. Collette!

1418
01:19:44,080 --> 01:19:45,605
You've got work tonight!

1419
01:19:47,120 --> 01:19:48,326
Ooh. Lucky you.

1420
01:19:51,480 --> 01:19:53,084
You ready?

1421
01:19:53,400 --> 01:19:54,925
Already have a sign.

1422
01:19:55,200 --> 01:19:57,521
- Oh my god. Colleen!
- What?

1423
01:19:57,800 --> 01:19:59,484
Add another heart!

1424
01:19:59,760 --> 01:20:02,411
Jesus.

1425
01:20:02,680 --> 01:20:03,806
- Better?
- Better.

1426
01:20:04,080 --> 01:20:05,206
- Ready?
- Ready.

1427
01:21:16,720 --> 01:21:18,882
En Francois!

1428
01:26:00,400 --> 01:26:02,323
Welcome to
Smodcast. I'm Kevin Smith.

1429
01:26:02,640 --> 01:26:03,323
Scott Mosier.

1430
01:26:03,640 --> 01:26:05,688
Hey. Scott.
So. from Edmonton.

1431
01:26:05,960 --> 01:26:06,960
Good ol' YEG.

1432
01:26:07,040 --> 01:26:08,176
A team of police
officers were opening

1433
01:26:08,200 --> 01:26:13,764
Open up. Yoga hoser!

1434
01:26:14,040 --> 01:26:16,771
Yoga hoser. Genius.

1435
01:26:17,040 --> 01:26:18,849
Do you guys want some twig tea?

1436
01:26:22,600 --> 01:26:24,250
You look like you
could use some.

1437
01:26:24,520 --> 01:26:26,602
You look like a poutine eater.

1438
01:26:29,000 --> 01:26:30,490
I enjoy a good
poutine now and then?

1439
01:26:30,760 --> 01:26:32,536
- Yeah. who doesn't?
- Hey. hey, hey.

1440
01:26:32,560 --> 01:26:34,280
Don't engage with this guy.
Damn yoga hoser.

1441
01:26:40,200 --> 01:26:42,202
Don't go down the road with him.

1442
01:26:44,120 --> 01:26:46,248
We got a database
of yoga hosers.

1443
01:26:49,280 --> 01:26:51,521
You're the termites of Canada.

1444
01:26:51,800 --> 01:26:52,800
God damn you hosers.

1445
01:26:52,960 --> 01:26:56,646
Gnawing away at the
foundation of this great country.

1446
01:27:00,480 --> 01:27:08,480
With your smoky incense and
your patchouli.

1447
01:27:09,040 --> 01:27:12,203
It smells like a
Chinese brothel in here!

1448
01:27:16,840 --> 01:27:22,882
It's really hard out here
for a yoga hoser. man.

1449
01:27:23,160 --> 01:27:26,050
I want to start a podcast.

1450
01:27:31,680 --> 01:27:32,696
That's Smodcast for this week.

1451
01:27:32,720 --> 01:27:34,320
- I'm Kevin Smith.
- Scott Mosier.

1452
01:27:34,440 --> 01:27:35,680
Have a week!