DAiE Ch. 2 - The Party

>You are Doctor Anonymous. You have explored space and built a nuclear reactor using only a multitool.
>And right now, you are BEYOND scared out of your mind.
"no no no no no way no how absolutely NOT"
>Albert, pushing against you in an attempt to wrest you from your makeshift bed, gives you a disapproving sigh. "Doctor, Pinkie Pie worked very hard on this party for you! You're going!"
"Grah... I said no, Albert! Tell her... tell her I'm sick with some weird human disease. Tell her I've fallen into a coma. Tell her anything, Pinkamina will understand!"
>Even having regained your syntax, the fear is still deeply apparent in your voice. There is no way Albert is getting to you to move from this spot. Realizing this, he gives up trying to push you and floats into your view.
>"Doctor, I know you hate parties, but-"
"Hate parties? HATE? No no no, Albert, this is more than some trivial hatred. This is a deep-seated phobia, and for damned good reason. Do you REMEMBER the last time I caved and went to a party?"
>Albert looks away, grimacing. "Oh, my, that's a good point. What was it... seven houses burned down?"
"Eight. And I told you, it was an accident."
>"Right because making high explosives out of kitchen chemicals is SUCH an easy mistake to make."
"...fine, not so accidental. I panicked, okay?! I got everyone out, at least."

>Albert sighs again, giving you a stern gaze. "Look, Doctor, you've got to go. These ponies, especially Pinkie, have been kind enough to welcome us with open arms. We're doing pretty good for being trapped in another dimension. And without all your resources, you're going to need as much help as you can to find a way home. Think of it as a... diplomatic duty."
>You bite your cheek nervously. He's absolutely right, on all accounts. Swallowing your pride, you carefully ease your death grip off of the bench that served as your bed.
"Fine. I'll go, but you better be there to make sure I don't do something stupid. Or crazy. Or both."
>Albert beams, an expression you don't see from him very often. "Oh, good! Now, get dressed, and try to do something with your hair, Doctor."
>What's wrong with your hair? You walk over to a window and look at the faint reflection. Looks perfectly fine! Bird's nests are in style, right?
>You throw on your labcoat and boots over your underclothes, and head out. Getting you out the door is considerably easier the second time. It only takes 15 minutes of Albert pleading and bargaining with you.
>Ponyville looks vastly different during the day. It's bustling with activity, though as you walk by you seem to interrupt it. Ponies who notice you stop and stare. It's unnerving, being the first of a species to be seen. One mint green unicorn even faints after seeing you.
>After what feels like forever, you arrive at Sugar Cube Corner, where Pinkamina's party is waiting for you.
>Taking a deep breath, you walk up the steps, and knock on the door.

>"SURPRISE!" Pinkamina yells, jumping out from behind the counter of the store, and throwing confetti into the air.
>Looking around, you see the six other ponies you've met already, all quite happy to see you. There are also several others, including a grey one with a golden mane, two fillies sitting with Applebloom, and a purple lizard-like creature accompanying Twilight.
"Oh! Ah... thank you, but you already told me about the party?"
>Before you can blink, Pinkamina's next to you. How did she move that fast?
>"Oh, I know, silly! But afterwords I realized it would be even better if it was a surprise party! Even if the party part wasn't a surprise, the surprise part could still be!"
>That... makes more sense than you expected it to.
>Crap, Pinkamina is already leading you further into the room. She's talking quite a bit, and you eventually lose yourself in her rapid, nonstop speech.
>"...andIdidn'tknowifhumanpartieswerethesamebutthenIfiguredheyofcoursethey'rethesamewhatkind
ofplacewouldhavepartieswithoutstreamersandcakeand..."
>Is that what you sound like when you start ranting on about something? It isn't, right?
>Oh well, you take another look around the room. The festivities have already kicked off, and all of the ponies seem to be having a good time. Albert's already zoomed off and begun to socialize, you're completely jealous at how easy it is for him.
>Luckily, you've got Pinkamina's insurmountable wall of words to listen to. Social contact averted!
>"Ohh, but listen to me go on. It's your party, Anonymous, you should go talk to other ponies!"
>Shitfuckpissdamn.

>You try to protest, but before you can, Pinkamina's smiling form shoves you with surprising strength. You find yourself stumbling up to a conversation midway in progress between Rainbow Dash and Applejack, while Applejack laughs hysterically.
>Laughter! Laughter means jokes, right? You can do jokes!
"oh hello ladies"
>No. You speak with authority and confidence right now, mouth.
"O-oh, hello ladies! Are-.. are we telling jokes?"
>Okay, so far so good! You said a thing and no one was injured.
>Applejack gives you a quizzical, if humoring look. "Uh, no, Dashie here was just tellin' me 'bout the time she had ta rescue Fluttershy from out of a tree."
>Your confidence melts. Not telling jokes. Actual social skills needed. Abort. Abort.
>Applejack can see the horror in your expression, and quickly adjusts her tone. "Uhh, but iffin' you've got a joke, I'm mighty partial to a laugh or two."
>Rainbow Dash rolls her eyes skeptically, "Yeah, sure, let's hear it then."
>Reengage mission. Joke can be told.

"Okay, so. What's the definition of a tachyon?"
>The two ponies look at each other in complete confusion. "Uhh.. I don't reckon I know, Anon. What is it?"
"It's-*Snicker*, it's a gluon that's not completely dry!"
>You burst out laughing, having to cover your mouth so as not to attract too much attention. By the time you recover, you notice Applejack and Rainbow Dash are still looking at you with blank expressions.
>"Uh.. ha ha! That's real funny, Anon."
>Rainbow Dash is less kind. "What the heck's a tachyon?"
"Oh, well it's a particle that... it's hypo.. uhm..."
>There is no recognition in her eyes.
"dont worry about it. im gonna go over theretalktoyoulater!"
>You move away from them as fast as you can without actually running. You look around for a place to be alone and unrustle your jimmies, but Pinkamina pops into your perspective.
>How the HELL does she move so fast?
>"Hi Anonymous! What's wrong, you don't look like you're partying at all!"
>fuckshitassdamnitballs.

>You should fess up and explain your problem. Maybe she'll let you go.
"Well.. y'see, I'm.. I'm not so good at parties. Or being social at all, really."
>Pinkamina studies you carefully, a hoof placed thoughtfully on her chin. She nods affirmatively, before sliding her other hoof over your shoulder and pointing out dramatically.
>Then, she starts singing.
>"Anonymous, Anonymous, don't be so down in the dumps!"
"oh god no"
>"Anonymous, Anonymous, this isn't just taking your lumps!"
"please stop"
>"Nopony or body should be at their party, looking so deeply unwell!"
"pinkamina"
>"Anonymous, Anonymous, you've gotta break out of your shell-"
"PINKAMINA!"
>Everyone is staring at you now. You are freaking the fuck out. Every jimmy in your body is at full rustle.
"Pinkamina. Please. Stop. Singing. You're only attracting MORE attention."
>She smiles, undeterred by your request.
>"Okie dokie lokie! That one wasn't going so well anyway. Do you know how hard it is to work your name into lyrics?"

"No. No I don't, Pinkamina."
>"You can call me Pinkie Pie, Anonymous! All my friends do."
"What? Why?"
>You subtly begin leading her into a corner, trying desperately to deflect the curious gazes as you cut off Pinkamina's song.
>"Why it's my nick-name, silly! They have nick-names where you're from, right?"
"Well, yes, I just don't see the point in being so informal."
>The pink pony shakes her head, looking at you like you were a disobedient puppy. "I'm serious, Anon! You've gotta learn to stop being so uptight! This is -your- party. It's your time to let go, let it all haaang loose!"
>She wiggles her body, as if to accentuate her point. It looks almost like she has no bones, her entire form behaving as an amorphous blobby thing, before snapping back into place as she stops.
>What... what is she? You ignore the burning question in your mind.
"But that's just the point. I don't know -how- to let go. I'm just completely inept at this sort of thing."
>"Well you're not gonna learn by just hiding in the corner, silly filly!"
>Shittinggoddamnpissbucket.
>She seems deep in thought, before an idea pops into her head. You swear you almost see a light bulb materialize above her for a second.
>"I know what'll help you get into the partying mood! Dancing!"
>No. No. No. Shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit.

>In a pink blur, she bolts over to what looks like an old phonograph.
>"Alright, everp0ny! It's dance time!"
>You can feel your limbs lock up as she puts a record on and the music begins playing.
>All the ponies begin dancing, and Pinkamina trots happily back to you, grabbing onto your labcoat with her mouth and pulling you in the center of the room. If your body would respond to your commands, you would already have jumped out a window.
>Pinkamina begins dancing, her bright blue eyes never leaving your face as her four legs start working. She is absolutely adorable, and you can tell she's not going to leave you alone until you start dancing yourself. You gather your courage, and make your first movement.
"imjustgonnausethebathroombeforeistartdancingaroundokaypinkamina?okay."
>You blurt out an excuse, moving faster than you ever have in your life. You grab Albert, who lets out a surprised yelp, and dash into the bathroom.
>Fluttershy looks to Twilight, who she's been talking to for a while now. "Do... do humans always go to the bathroom with their friends?"
>http://twentypercentcooler.net/data/6f/de/6fdea59fb71a4e478bb6fab7844e6650.png?1313246864

>"Gyah! Doctor, what are you doing?!"
>You flick on the light and press your face up to Albert's.
"Dance moves. I need them. Now. Tutorials. Videos. Animated .GIFs for science's sake, SOMETHING for me to imitate."
>Albert gives you an incredulous stare. "Doctor... you don't -need- dance moves. Just improvise! Feel the rhythm and move however your body tells you to!"
>He begins swaying to the beat of the music through the door, his titanium frame shifting rhythmically.
"Improvise. Dancing. Me? Albert, your consistent failure to grasp the damned gravity of this situation is.. is.. it's inconceivable!"
>Albert's face takes on a strange grin.
"...what."
>"You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means."
"...what?"
>His grin fades. "Uh... nevermind."
"Listen, just.. just search your hard drives. You have to have saved -something- with dancing. I need a reference, Albert."
>He concedes, and shuts off his optical sensor. It only takes a moment before he finishes searching his memory banks, and he has a look of suppressed laughter on his face.
>"I've only got one thing... but I don't think it's very, uhm... current."
"I don't care. Who knows what trends pony culture follows? Just show me."
>"Very well, doctor." The screen extends from his body, and you begin studying.

>It's time to kick your analytical brain into gear. You watch every movement, note the timing of the beat. The video he shows you is less helpful than you thought, it's mostly the singers gyrating around, but even that could be helpful.
>You are perhaps the keenest mind of your, or any generation. If anyone could learn to dance from this, it's you.
>You take a deep breath, and then sigh.
"Okay, Albert. I'm ready. When this song ends, have Pinkamina stop the record, and then start playing."
>Albert shakes his head. "You're going to dance. To this."
"It just studied it, didn't I?"
>"It's your funeral, Doctor."
"No, I don't think it's that kind of party, Albert."
>He doesn't acknowledge your response. Opening the door, he floats out over to Pinkamina. You quickly close just enough for you to peer out. He's talking to her, and she smiles, nodding. As the song finally ends, she takes the needle off the record, and you hear the rhythmic chanting from Albert's audio system.
>That's your cue.
>You open the door.
>Get on the floor.
>Everyp0ny walk the dinosaur.

>http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zYKupOsaJmk
>Boom boom, ackalackalacka boom!
>You strut out of the bathroom, no time to waste.
>Boom boom, ackalacka boom boom!
>Your arms start moving. You're pretty certain that one of them did it this way.
>Boom boom, ackalackalacka boom!
>Everyp0ny is staring, and it's not encouraging, but you've already jumped off this cliff. Your hips are moving on their own at this point.
>Boom boom, ackalacka boom boom!
>The chant continues, and you can't help but smile. Even if you look as ridiculous as you think you do as you sway to and fro, you have to admit that it's... liberating.
>It was a night like this, forty million years ago. I lit a cigarette, picked up a monkey, start to go.
>Pinkamina, bless her, is the first one to join in. She doesn't really get what you're doing. But it certainly looks like dancing, and she follows along as best as she can.
>The sun was spitting fire! The sky was blue as ice! I felt a little tight, so I watched 'Miami Vice'!
>The grey pony is the second to follow, she seems quite pleased by your undoubtedly idiotic flailing.
>I walked the dinosaur! I walked the diiiinosauuur!
>Soon, Applejack follows, dragging Rainbow Dash with her. The purple lizard creature is laughing hysterically, but Twilight ignores it and jumps in as well.
>Open the door, get on the floor! Everybody walk the dinosaur!
>And before you know it, everyp0ny is walking the goddamn dinosaur.

>At this point, you stop concentrating. You just.. feel the way to move! It's incredible.
"Albert! Albert, I think.. I think I'm partying!"
>Your robotic assistant just shakes his head, still dutifully playing the song as you and the ponies dance.
>"You.. you certainly are, Doctor."