Jian - You're Not Alone...

[18:03] <~Deedles> As Jian got home his mother was standing in the kitchen, in the middle of making some tea. She raised her head as she heard the door "Jian?" she called
[18:05] <Earthflame> "I'm home, mother." He responds with a smile, walking over to give her a kiss on the cheek. "I am going on a training expedition with Yoshi and Shen, soon. I should be away for about two weeks."
[18:20] <~Deedles> Lifen smiled and gave him a light hug "Alright, stay safe, okay?" she said before she handed him two cups of tea "A girl came by, asking if you were home, so I let her into your room to wait for you."
[18:24] <Earthflame> "...ah." He pauses, and nods. "Thank you." He heads for his room, wondering who it might be... But having a strong suspicion.
[18:25] <~Deedles> As he opened his door he found Rei standing by one of his windows, looking out at the garden of the house. She turned around as she heard the door open, smiling softly at the sight of him. "Hey, Jian." she said
[18:26] <Earthflame> "Rei, it's good to see you." He returns the smile, a little hesitant, offering her a cup. "Tea?"
[18:27] <~Deedles> "Ah, thank you." She moved over to him, carefully accepting the cup before she had a sip. "How are you?" she asked him quietly.
[18:28] <Earthflame> He sighs, leaning against the wall and taking a sip before answering. "Okay. Quite busy."
[18:29] <~Deedles> "Ah, did I come at a bad time?" Reisuki looked embarrassed as she raised a hand to rub the back of her head.
[18:30] <Earthflame> "No, no. I was just with Shen. He's going on a journey into the mountains to train, and I'll be going with him."
[18:30] <~Deedles> She nodded at that, smiling faintly "That's good. I think it'll help you a lot to get some peace and quiet and train."
[18:32] <Earthflame> "...Master Ziulong is going, too. Hopefully I'll be able to train on his water duplicates, so there won't be any more..." He tries not to, but his eyes move back to her arm again.
[18:34] <~Deedles> Rei frowned at him as she put her teacup to the side and moved up to him, so close that he'd couldn't just glance at her arm. "I'm fine, Jian. I would take several more injuries like this if it could help you control your chi, so that ... So that you wouldn't have to hurt anymore." her eyes softened
[18:38] <Earthflame> "...Nothing hurts me more than knowing I've hurt my friends. Caused them to suffer..."
[18:38] <~Deedles> "I'm not suffering, Jian, not as much as you are."
[18:42] <Earthflame> He hangs his head. "...I'm still not sure how to cope with it. Everyone else tells me to have faith, to be confident..." He bites his lip, his hand shaking as it holds the teacup. "...I'm struggling. To cope, to keep going. To live with myself..."
[18:45] <~Deedles> Reisuki gripped his teacup, putting it to the side so he wouldn't spill, but also to free up his hands so she could grip them. "Jian, I know that what you're going through is hard, but being fearful off it is only going to harm you. If you go into it with half a heart then you'll end up failing because you spent so much time second-guessing."
[18:48] <Earthflame> He squeezes her hands. "...I don't know what to do. I don't know how to be the person I am becoming, or how to make that into something I want to be. My mother told me my father had Corrupt Chi... But I can't understand how he Lived with it... You know how awful it feels to be around the Corrupt... I feel that in my own blood. Every second of every day. And it feels so good to release it,
[18:48] <Earthflame> to vent it out into the world... But then it hurts the people I care about."
[18:53] <~Deedles> Reisuki shook her head "I didn't dislike being around Katashi simply because he carried Corrupt Chi. I hated him because he was a cruel, sadistic, abusive piece of shit who enjoyed tormenting those around him... especially those who couldn't get away from him." she stated as she looked up at Jian "So what if you've got Corrupt Chi? No one else cares, Jian. You're still Jian, our friend and companion.
[18:53] <~Deedles> Your chi doesn't change that, it never has and it never will." she lifted his hands as she held them in hers, giving them a light squeeze. "Taishin had Corrupt Chi, but is obviously a chivalrous person. You have Corrupt Chi, but you are still a chivalrous person."
[18:57] <Earthflame> "...I don't know how to cope with it. You... You can't understand, Rei. Every time my heart beats, I feel sick. When I meditate, it takes all my strength not to scream and throw up... My Chi senses are sharp, and for a long time that was an asset... But now that vile sensation is in me. I... I don't know what to do..."
[18:58] <~Deedles> Rei released his hands as she backed away from him "You think you need Corrupt Chi to feel like that?" she asked him bluntly
[18:59] <Earthflame> He looks up at her, confused and not fully understanding.
[19:04] <~Deedles> She turned away as she gripped her own arms "To hate your own body to the point that you just want to puke and would do anything to get away from it. It's a feeling I'm far too familiar with, so familiar that I don't feel like this is my body anymore."
[19:05] <Earthflame> ...Realisation crosses his face. "Spirits... I'm sorry, Rei. I seem to be being an insensitive brute to everyone today..."
[19:06] <Earthflame> He reaches forward, resting a gentle hand on her shoulder.
[19:07] <~Deedles> Reisuki spun around as she suddenly slapped him "That's not what I'm saying at all!" she snapped at him, her eyes narrowed, and glistening with tears "I'm saying that you're not alone, Jian! You're not alone in how you feel and you're not alone in having to deal with it!" she moved forward just a suddenly, hugging him tightly. "You... you goddamn idiot..." she sniffled.
[19:08] <Earthflame> He reels from the slap... And then hugs her tightly, burying his head in her shoulder.
[19:09] <~Deedles> She raised a hand to place on the back of his head, holding him close to her.
[19:09] <Earthflame> "...I'm scared, Rei. I don't know what to do..."
[19:40] <~Deedles> "Just take it one step at the time. Do the Water Clone training Ziulong suggested and go from there." Reisuki told him, her voice quiet as she sniffed slightly.
[19:42] <Earthflame> He rubs her back. "Not that... Not feeling at home in my own skin. Like a sword whose sheath is filled with blood, a place of rest turned into foulness and decay..." He shivers, and squeezes again.
[19:44] <~Deedles> "You need to accept it, Jian." She replied, still speaking quietly. "It is a part of your now, wishing it to go away will only make it harder to deal with because you keep denying that it's part of you."
[19:45] <Earthflame> His breathing gets heavier. "...I would rather face the Emperor in single combat..."
[19:46] <~Deedles> Her hold of him tightened "Then you are an idiot." she said, her tone harsh, yet strangely affectionate.
[19:47] <Earthflame> He laughs softly. "At least that's an enemy I can see. That I can cut. If I could, I'd cut away that part of my soul... But that isn't an option I have." He sighs. "Thank you."
[19:55] <~Deedles> Rei rested her chin on his shoulder "Anytime, Jian." she replied, closing her eyes "We all have things we have to do that we wish we didn't, things we wish we could change, but... the secret is just to learn to live with it."
[19:59] <Earthflame> "I fear no enemy... I do not fear the thought of dying in the pursuit of my goal." He shivers, absentmindedly running his fingers through her long white hair. "...I'm far more afraid of having to live with this, for the rest of my life. It is stupid, I know."
[20:03] <~Deedles> "It isn't stupid." She said, honestly, emitting a faint noise as she felt his hand in her hair "But that you act like you have to do it on your own is." she added, just as honestly.
[20:05] <Earthflame> "...How? I... I know how to work with others, in a fight or to achieve something... But could I depend on others for the rest of my life?"
[20:06] <~Deedles> "Because in this life we can't live on our own. Whether they be family, friends, or someone we love, we always need to have someone there to help us along." Reisuki said, biting her lower lip "If it wasn't for you, Shen and Yoshi I'd still be with Katashi."
[20:08] <Earthflame> "The spirits guided you to us... What else could we do but help?"
[20:19] <~Deedles> "You could of handed me back to them, like many others before you have." Rei answered plainly
[20:19] <Earthflame> "You know us, Rei. That's not something Yoshi, Shen or I could ever do..."
[20:20] <~Deedles> "I know, but I didn't know that back then." She said with a faint smile "But it just so happens that you became the help I needed when there was something I couldn't do on my own."
[20:25] <Earthflame> "...I'm glad we did." He sighs softly. "...I know Shen needs time to recover, and I need to train myself... But part of me wonders how many other people are suffering right now... Whether spending my life to save theirs would be a meaningful sacrifice, or a cowards way out..." He shakes his head. "It's like Corruption is seeping into my thoughts..."
[20:26] <~Deedles> "That isn't Corruption, that is fear speaking." She answered as she pulled away enough to look him in the eyes and added "And yes, it is a cowards way out." her tone serious.
[20:27] <Earthflame> "...I didn't think I'd ever been truly afraid until I lost my arm to Taishin. Then I realised what real fear was, in that teahouse..."
[20:30] <~Deedles> "So now you know fear, that is good, but don't let it control you."
[20:32] <Earthflame> He closes his eyes. "...It doesn't make sense. Why am I more afraid of living than I am of dying?"
[20:32] <~Deedles> "Because there is a part of you you cannot accept. And it's much easier to die than to have to live on in shame, isn't it?" Rei's voice sounded almost disguested as she said that, but funnily enough, it didn't seem aimed at him.
[20:33] <Earthflame> He opens his eyes, fixing them on hers. "...Yes." His voice is barely a whisper.
[20:36] <~Deedles> Her hands clenched into fists as she met his gaze, her's welling with tears. "No! It isn't!" she told him sharply "It's selfish, and stupid, and weak!" she ranted as her hands came up to dully pound against his chest once. "Don't you consider those you'd leave behind?! How is that easier than living with it?!"
[20:37] <Earthflame> His arms wrap around her shoulders, squeezing tightly. "Because it's easier to be a coward than to be brave... Easier to run away than to face it. It's always easier to die than to live... But the easy way is rarely worth taking."
[20:46] <~Deedles> "Damn right it isn't!" She snapped as she burried her face in his shoulder, tears beginning to creep down her cheeks. "If you died I'd come right after you just to kick your ass in hell!"
[20:48] <Earthflame> He strokes her hair, his own emotions confused as he hugs her tight. "...We can help each other? To keep going, to move forward?"
[20:50] <~Deedles> "Y-yes... yes we can, and we will." She said, stubbornly as she hugged him tightly, her voice muffled as her face was pressed against him.
[20:50] <Earthflame> "...Then be careful, when you go to Jinlong..."
[20:52] <~Deedles> "I will be, I promise. As long as you swear that you'll stay alive. No matter what. I'll slap you back to your senses if I have to!" she gripped onto the back of his shirt.
[20:54] <Earthflame> He closes his eyes, and holds her close. "I'll survive, Rei. I will... Wait for me. When we return to Haizhou... You'll recieve word. And we'll defeat Katashi togeher."
[21:02] <~Deedles> "I don't care about Katashi...!" she began to say, her voice loud, but she paused before she continued, nearly in a whisper. "I care about you."
[21:04] <Earthflame> His fingers run through her hair again. "I... I care about you too, Rei. That's why I wanted to... To help you. But..." He shakes his head, hugging her tightly and closing his eyes. "I'm a fool..."
[21:07] <~Deedles> "Y-yes... you are." Reisuki replied with a dull laugh, sniffling as she cried still. "B-but you're my-our fool." she added, quickly correcting herself.
[21:09] <Earthflame> He rests his head against hers. "...Killing Katashi won't help you. Killing my fathers murderer isn't going to help me..."
[21:13] <~Deedles> "R-right..." she went quiet as her eyes closed. "Only moving on will..."
[21:17] <Earthflame> After a moments pause, he adds. "...Although I still think stabbing him would be pretty satisfying."
[21:19] <~Deedles> "I... I can't deny that..." Rei confessed quietly
[21:19] <Earthflame> "...So you'll still want to come along?"
[21:32] <~Deedles> "Of course I do!" She said as she lifted her to look at him, a faint smile on her lips "If only to make sure that you don't get hurt."
[21:34] <Earthflame> He strokes her hair again. "...I'll miss you. When you're in Jinlong."
[21:36] <~Deedles> She seemed hesitant "About that... I was considering, maybe..." she spoke quietly, before trailing off.
[21:37] <Earthflame> "Mm...?"
[21:37] <~Deedles> "Maybe... coming with you instead." she finished, slowly.
[21:37] <Earthflame> "I... I would like that."
[21:38] <Earthflame> "...But what about Chiyoko? She can't go to Jinlong alone."
[21:38] <~Deedles> "Isn't her cousin there?" Rei asked in return
[21:39] <Earthflame> "Yes... Shiina runs the Crimson Steel smithy."
[21:39] <~Deedles> "A blacksmith?"
[21:40] <Earthflame> "And a lieutenant of the White Peony."
[21:41] <~Deedles> She nodded "I recall Chiyoko saying that earlier."
[21:41] <Earthflame> "...I guess she would be safe with her."
[21:42] <~Deedles> Rei looked away "I still haven't decided..."
[21:42] <Earthflame> "We have a while, until we leave..." He pauses, and then squeezes her shoulders. "...But I would like you to come with us. It would..."
[21:43] <~Deedles> "It would...?" she urged as she looked up at him
[21:44] <Earthflame> He smiles, looing into her eyes. "...It would ease my heart."
[21:44] <~Deedles> Her cheeks flushed as she stared back into his eyes, lost for words for a moment.
[21:45] <Earthflame> Jian's smile fails, just a little, breaking into nervousness.
[21:54] <~Deedles> Rei slowly starts to smile "That.... That's the same reason I want to come with you." she confessed after a while, her voice barely above a whisper.
[21:56] <Earthflame> Jian opens his mouth to reply. Then closes it again. And then he speaks. "Um... Good?"
[21:56] <~Deedles> She can't help but giggle slightly at his expression.
[21:57] <Earthflame> "H-Hey..."
[21:58] <~Deedles> "You're cute when you're awkward." She said with a soft laugh.
[22:00] <Earthflame> He blushes. "Mean..."
[22:03] <~Deedles> "Am I really?" She asked as she leaned a bit closer
[22:04] <Earthflame> He tries to lean back, but pressed against the wall he can't. "Uh... I'm not... Sure?" ...He looks more scared of this situation than any battlefield.
[22:05] <~Deedles> Rei chuckled silently as her hand played slightly with his hair "You're not sure?" she tutted
[22:06] <Earthflame> "...I'm terrified. But... I'm not unhappy..." He reaches back to stroke her hair again, as he feels her fingers run along his braid.
[22:08] <~Deedles> She blinked as she pulled away slightly "Sorry..." she said softly
[22:08] <Earthflame> ...His arms don't let her retreat. "...Sometimes, scary is okay..."
[22:09] <~Deedles> She looked back at his arms and then up at him before she smiled, her own body trembling faintly. "Y-yeah..." she agreed
[22:10] <Earthflame> "...Are you okay?"
[22:11] <~Deedles> "A bit... scared." She confessed as her playfulness had melted away.
[22:11] <Earthflame> "Well... At least that makes two of us..." He gives an uncertain smile.
[22:12] <~Deedles> She nodded, her smile mirroring his. "Yeah." her gaze faultered for a moment, flickering to the sides, before returning to his.
[22:13] <Earthflame> He glances around. "...Looking for something?"
[22:13] <~Deedles> She shook her head "No, just... nervous. Never been so close to someone... and wanted to be. It's terrifying..."
[22:14] <Earthflame> He rubs her back, loosening his grip a bit if she wants to get away...
[22:15] <~Deedles> Rei didn't move away, she stayed right where she is. "I told you I want to be here." she repeated quietly
[22:16] <Earthflame> He smiles, resting his forehead against hers, rubbing her back. "...It's scary. But it's nice."
[22:16] <~Deedles> "Yeah, it is..." she agreed as her arms slowly moved around his neck, holding her close to him.
[22:19] <Earthflame> He mirrors her movements, softly slipping his arms around her waist. "...Will you come with me?"
[22:20] <~Deedles> "When you leave the village?" She asked as she leand against him.
[22:21] <Earthflame> "Yes." He answered simply, speaking quietly as she's so close.
[22:22] <~Deedles> She thought for a moment before she nodded and smiled "I'd like that..." she admitted
[22:26] <Earthflame> He strokes her hair again. "...Good."
[22:26] <~Deedles> She closed her eyes as she gently tucked her head beneath his.
[22:27] <Earthflame> He softly nuzzles at her forehead, holding her close. He closes his eyes, focusing on her Chi...
[22:29] <~Deedles> It flowed, vast, cool and calm as always as she realxed against him, emiting a content sound.
[22:30] <Earthflame> He breathes softly, holding her and meditating upon her Chi, smiling in gentle happiness at the tranquil moment...
[22:33] <~Deedles> She didn't really want to move, and yet she knew that they'd have to sleep sooner or later. She surpressed the will to sigh at that thought.
[22:35] <Earthflame> "...Your Chi is restful. Like the ocean waves..."
[22:36] <~Deedles> "Thank you..." Rei mumbled as she opened her eyes slightly "I'm glad you like it."
[22:37] <Earthflame> He sighs a little. "...I wish my own was nicer... Even without the corruption, a Sword is cold and harsh..."
[22:38] <~Deedles> Her eyes closed as she smiled faintly "It is calm and precise. Balanced and beautiful."
[22:39] <Earthflame> "...Thank you."
[22:39] <~Deedles> "Why are you thanking me?" she asked softly
[22:40] <Earthflame> He smiles, breathing gently. "...It's a long story. But having something I'd begun to think of as foul called beautiful is... It gives me hope."
[22:43] <~Deedles> "Never lose hope, Jian." She told him quietly as she held him close "Even when things seem dark, even hopeless, don't lose hope."
[22:44] <Earthflame> "I won't, Rei... I promise you."
[22:47] <~Deedles> She smiled softly "Good..." she nuzzled his neck gently, without really thinking.
[22:49] <Earthflame> His breath catches in his throat a moment, shivering at her closeness. "...Rei."
[22:49] <~Deedles> She stiffened "A-ah... sorry..." she turned her face away
[22:51] <Earthflame> "No, no... Don't be... It's not, um, bad..." He strokes her hair again, gently turning her head back towards him. "...Just a bit surprising..."
[22:52] <~Deedles> "Really?" She peered up at him
[22:52] <Earthflame> He nods, and gently kisses her forehead...
[22:53] <~Deedles> Her cheeks went red, but she didn't pull away, actually she looked quite content at his soft touch.
[22:55] <Earthflame> He smirks a bit as he pulls back, looking down at her. "Now we're even."
[22:57] <~Deedles> "Didn't you turn brave all of a sudden?" She teased as she smirked faintly, poking his nose.
[22:59] <Earthflame> ...He blushes again, the facade breaking quickly. "You know me... Sometimes, you just have to make a leap of faith..."
[22:59] <~Deedles> She laughed softly "I can agree with that completely..." she said in a smooth tone, tilting her head to the side.
[23:00] <Earthflame> "...Rei?"
[23:00] <~Deedles> "Yeah?" She blinked as her smile faded.
[23:01] <Earthflame> He begins to speak... Stops, tries again, then smiles a little awkwardly. "...This is nice."
[23:04] <~Deedles> "It is." She agreed as her smile returned, softly.
[23:05] <Earthflame> "...My back is aching a little, though..."
[23:06] <~Deedles> "Ah." she pulled away to give him some space.
[23:09] <Earthflame> He straightens up, smiling awkwardly, stretching a bit. His room is rather spartan. A few sets of very similar clothing, a sword on one wall that looks like it hasn't been touched in years, and a simple bed, which he moves to sit on. "Sorry."
[23:14] <~Deedles> "Don't be... I should probably leave now anyway. If you're going into the mountains tomorrow you'll need sleep." She said softly as she turned to look at him.
[23:15] <Earthflame> "...Stay a little longer?"
[23:15] <Earthflame> "Shen said it might be a little while. He needs to sort things out."
[23:15] <~Deedles> She hesitated momentarily before she moved up to him, sitting down beside him on the bed.
[23:16] <Earthflame> He gives her a nervous smile. "...Every time I see you, I thank the spirits you stumbled into the right room at the right time."
[23:17] <~Deedles> "...Really?" her cheeks gained a pink tint at that as she smiled back at him.
[23:18] <Earthflame> He nods. "Every time."
[23:20] <~Deedles> She shifted closer to him, resting her head against his shoulder. "I'm really glad I did too, not only because I got away from Katashi, but mostly because that's when I met you."
[23:23] <Earthflame> He slowly reaches up with an arm, wrapping it around with her shoulders. "...That makes me really happy."
[23:24] <~Deedles> "Me too." Rei murmured as she closed her eyes, relaxing.
[23:25] <Earthflame> He closes his eyes as well, enjoying the comfortable silence...
[23:25] <~Deedles> After a little while of resting against him she raised a hand to her lips as she stiffled a yawn.
[23:30] <Earthflame> This nearly triggers a yawn from Jian, but he stifles it. "...You should probably get back to the Water Temple..." Still, he seems reluctant to let go.
[23:31] <~Deedles> "I guess so... Unless..." She trailed off as she shook her head faintly.
[23:32] <Earthflame> "...You could stay here? I mean, there isn't much space, but..."
[23:33] <~Deedles> "I don't mind..." Rei chuckled faintly "Wasn't much space on that fishing boat either."
[23:34] <Earthflame> "You had the whole fish locker to yourself." He chuckles.
[23:35] <~Deedles> "You all could of joined me if you wished." She said as she stuck her tongue out.
[23:36] <Earthflame> He chuckles. "I was already up, and the others were still asleep. Still, I'm glad we've got more space for our next voyage."
[23:37] <~Deedles> "Yeah, so am I." She agreed softly
[23:39] <Earthflame> "...Have you seen any of the rest of the country?"
[23:40] <~Deedles> "No... Only Haizhou, and the places we've been."
[23:41] * Zero_Atma (~IceChat77@Rizon-50FFF93.hsd1.wa.comcast.net) has joined #Mei-lifa2
[23:41] <Earthflame> He smiles at that. "A new experience for both of us then."
[23:42] <~Deedles> "Yeah." She returned his smile as she rested against him.
[23:44] <Earthflame> He holds her softly in his arms, murmuring. "...This, too..."
[23:44] <~Deedles> She nodded "This too." she echoed quietly, one of her hands coming to gently stroke his back.
[23:45] <Earthflame> He sighs softly, nestling into her hair.
[23:55] <~Deedles> "Thank you, Jian." Rei said softly, uttering a content sound.
[23:58] <Earthflame> "Thank you, Rei." He responds in kind, with a small smile.
[00:05] <~Deedles> She yawned again, her eyes slowly closing.
[00:06] <Earthflame> Jian smiles at that. "Lie down. I'll go tell mother you're staying the night..."
[00:06] <~Deedles> She nodded as she slowly moved away to allow him to stand, before she crawled further onto the bed, laying down by the wall.
[00:08] <Earthflame> Jian stands, taking the half drunk tea and walking back to the kitchen, listening for sign of his mother...
[00:11] <~Deedles> He could hear a soft sound of rock being pressed against metal from outside, he could also see his mother sitting on the bench in front of their house, her large sword in hand, through the kitchen window.
[00:11] <Earthflame> Jian washes up the cups before walking outside, calling as he gets sight of her. "Mother?"
[00:12] <~Deedles> Lifen looked up at he adressed her "Yes, Jian?" she asked calmly
[00:13] <Earthflame> "...Rei will be staying the night."
[00:14] <~Deedles> His mother blinked before she nodded, smiling faintly "If you wish." she said as she turned back to her sword, returning to gently running the whetstone along its edge.
[00:15] <Earthflame> He smiles. "Thank you, mother." He gives her a slight bow.
[00:27] <~Deedles> "Why are you thanking me?" His mother asked him, her voice still calm as she looked towards him again.
[00:28] <Earthflame> He pauses at that. And looks a little embarrased. "Um..."
[00:28] <~Deedles> Lifen laughed faintly "Just don't make me a grandmother just yet and I'll be happy." she said
[00:29] <Earthflame> "...Mother!" He goes bright red.
[00:30] <~Deedles> She laughed again
[00:31] <Earthflame> Blushing furiously, he bows again and turns to go back inside.
[00:32] <~Deedles> She let him do so without saying anything to further embarrass him.
[00:40] <~Deedles> As Jian got back inside he found Rei still laying on his bed, though her rapier and cloak were thrown onto a chair now. Her eyes were closed and she was breathing slowly and calmly.
[00:41] <Earthflame> Jian carefully closes the door behind him, shucking his shoes and exterior garments before carefully slipping into the bed behind her, giving her space.
[00:42] <~Deedles> She remained where she was at first before, after a couple of moments, she snuggled into his back, her warm breath washing across it as she rested her forehead against him.
[00:46] <Earthflame> He smiles. "...Goodnight."
[00:47] <~Deedles> "Sleep well..." Rei whispered drowsily
[00:47] <Earthflame> He turns, gently wrapping his arms around her...
[00:55] <~Deedles> She snuggled into his embrace, her head coming to rest against his shoulder instead.
[00:59] <Earthflame> He closes his eyes...