Everyone is embarrassed of their fourteen year old self trust me if you’re fourteen right now you will regret whatever it is that you are doing at this moment,
What, being a superwholockian, tumblrian, and just being generally pretty good, i don’t think so,
Screenshot this and look at it in three years,

Shout out to people wondering what the opposite of in is,
I had to read this three times before i got the joke,

Would you like a bag,
I was thirteen when my father passed,
Okay,
Y’all ever worked in retail,

A good romance starts with a good friendship,
A good romance starts with a good friendship,
A good romance starts with a good friendship,
A good romance starts with a good friendship,
A good romance starts with a good friendship,
A bad romance starts with, ra ra ah ah ah, ro ma, ro ma ma ga ga, ooh la la,

I’m a sucker for characters who see troubled kids in dangerous situations and basically go, they need parents, guess thats me now,

I like the idea of a romantic couple calling each other synonyms of cliche nicknames,
Love bunny, is, affection rabbit, or, candied vascular system pump, is, sweet heart,
Do baby girl, infant woman,
I can be romantic okay,
Bee vomit, instead of honey,
Glucose, instead of sugar,
Infant, instead of babe,
Dulcet dessert, instead of sweetie pie,

When you’re in trouble there are four options,
Stay silent and get yelled at for ignoring your parent,
Apologize and get yelled at for sass, even when it was sincere,
Defend yourself and get yelled at for talking back,
Answer any questions your parent asked you and get yelled at for sass, again even if it’s sincere,
Like what am i supposed to do when i get yelled at for literally everything,
Cry,
Then get yelled at for crying,
Literally though that’s what happens,

Growing up with three parents was really weird,
What, you had three parents,
Yeah my mom’s a gemini,

I don’t need to go to bed, i’m not tired, i’ll be fine,
But, darling, i’ll be so lonely without you,
Come curl up in my arms so i can feel whole again,
Oh, well, are you trying to seduce me into healthy sleeping patterns,
Is it working,
The amount of people tagging this as, this would work on me, is intensely funny you’re all so valid,

Okay i’ll go but i’m gonna be a little beach about it,
Bilbo, agreeing to go with the dwarves,
Darcy, agreeing to go to netherfield with the bingleys,
Percy, agreeing to go on yet another freaking quest for the gods,
Harry, going to get those effing horcruxes,

If catholicism/christianity is fake, Mary really was in that for the long haul, she pulled the longest con in existence and even got her kid in on it,
Mary’s friend gabriel who knocked her up, you told joseph i was a what now,
Mary, taking a sip of her coffee, an angel, gabe, try to keep up,
Joseph, what the heck, you’re pregnant,
Mary, about to invent christianity, oh, you haven’t heard,

I like how the only reason harry is able to fight the imperious curse so easily is because it hits him and he’s like, ah i feel calm and relaxed and happy, this is wrong,
Harry, serotonin, in this economy,

We will domesticate the shark, we will restructure society around shark ownership, this is basic fricking marxism people,

Broke, ancient demon falls in love with 17 year old girl,
Woke, ancient demon falls in love with 79 year old grandma, who has seen enough of the world to laugh at his cryptic bullcrap and bonk him on the head with her cane when he’s being needlessly ominous,

Watching youtubers having to do their intros in front of their friends while doing a collab and getting embarrassed is literally the funniest thing in the entire world,

If i were a drink i’d be cherry vanilla coke,
If you were a drink what would you be,
Everyone’s like, bleach, or, sewage, please calm down edgelords,

Expressionless, nauseated,
Minecraft zombie,
Minecraft zombie,

Things almost every author needs to research,
How bodies decompose,
Wilderness survival skills,
Mob mentality,
Other cultures,
What it takes for a human to die in a given situation,
Common tropes in your genre,
Average weather for your setting,

I just got a 105 minute ad, on youtube,
It’s the entire fricking lego movie,

Plot twist,
Harry potter wakes up in hospital,
Welcome back, you’ve been in a coma for 8 years, says the doctor, you ran face first into a wall L M A O,
No,

I was 4 and playing with my toys in the living room of an old apartment i used to live in, the power went out and everyone in my family instantly knew that it meant it was the start of a zombie apocalypse, we all went into the bedroom and piled on the bed while zombies crowded around us, for some reason they couldn’t get us when we were on the bed, we felt hopeless but then our saviors came, who, you might ask, the fricking wonder pets, thats who,

Guy who invented the piano, what if we laid a harp on its side and added hammers,
Musician, you clumsy oaf, you just knocked over my harp with your toolbox,
Guy who’s about to invent the piano, oh, you haven’t heard,
How dare you take this mediocre crappost and make it genuinely funny,

Like this post and i will instantly teleport to your home and gobble up your shower curtain,
My shower curtain is glass,
Well crunchity munchity then, you think that will stop me,

I get nervous when anyone yells stop,
What do i do,
Do i collaborate and listen, is it hammer time, is it in the name of love, do i fill my cup and put some liquor in it,

When you can hear a singers accent in a song,
But aye wood walk fayve hundred mayles and aye wood walk fayve hundred more just ta bee tha man hoo walked a thoosand mayles ta fall dawn at yer door,
I don’t know whether i love you or hate you,

Why is it that wet hair is darker, if water is colorless,
Why hasn’t the scientific side of tumblr responded to this yet guys we are waiting here,
When your hair soaks up water, the overall density of your hair increases, this increase in density causes your hair fibers to be arranged more tightly, which allows less light to shine through your hair fibers,
Thank you,
Shine bright like less dense hair fibers,

By U S legal standards this italian culvert is an arch bridge,
I’m detecting wikipedia bridge drama,

I am against all bully, bullying victim ships,
Except for whatever the frick baljeet and buford from P N F had going on,

I have seen catgirls in real life,
Where,
Haha yeah okay, heres all the catgirl locations i know, heres bigfoots cell number to top it off, get lost buddy, i will never reveal where catgirls are,

Today i learned that when trees evolved nothing could decompose them, until a fungi learned, all coal comes from before the fungi learned,
The way this post is worded is so delightful i absolutely can not stop reading it over and over,

Someone add anime george washington,
Say no more,
Two down two to go,

The brit awards are tonight, i didn’t know mommy had her own award show,
At hannah spears, oh no sweetheart, you’re so cute, the brit awards are an award show in the U K,
Living legend britney spears tweets to herself pretending to be her dog,

Google search, how to take a break from the linear flow of time,

How i sleep at night with my fan facing me on full blast,
Oh, y’all don’t get diarrhea with the fan on, okay,
Excuse me,

There should be a rule in america, if you hate immigrants, you don’t get to eat immigrant food,
No mexican food,
No caribbean food,
No dominican food,
No asian food,
Only potatoes,
Actually potatoes were originally grown in peru,

Laid is pronounced like paid but not said and said is pronounced like bread but not bead and bead is pronounced like lead but not lead,

If someone ever tells you a certain song is important to them you should turn it up and lay on your bed and close your eyes and really listen to it even if its ten minutes long because at the end you will know that person much better i think,
My love for this post is unbelievable,

Don’t worry fells i’m alive, i am just busy being,
Being a beach,
Being a beach,

Pro tip, if you’re tired of boiling water when you make pasta, just boil a few gallons at the beginning of the week and freeze it for later,
I sent this into a group chat once and a guy flipped out at how my sense of humor is horrible and kicked me out of the chat,

Your voice sounds deeper to you because you hear the sound vibration through bone, rather than through the air like everyone else,
Is that why your voice sounds so different on the phone,
Can you imagine how benedict cumberbatch hears himself,
He probably hears himself as smaug,

Oopsie woopsie, de train is stukkie wukkie, we sijn heul hard aan t werk om dit te make mss kan je beter fwietsen owo,
Please stop dutch is barely a respectable language as it already is,

I did all of this with only a few years of art lessons,

First date with me is watching shrek and then i fight you during the credits,

Me flirting, hey wanna suffer together,

All this, bottom rights, and, top rights, discourse, you fools, where is my support for switches,
Support, nintendo, com,

Are you worried,
About what, but yeah,

I had gay sex at the M C R,
I had gay sex at the M C R tour,
Frick warner, we make our own merch,

Can’t believe e boys are out here wearing nineties boy band hairstyles but i haven’t seen a single one with frosted tips,
What the frick guys,

fatniss , i’m scared,
Aww, come here lil baby Rue,
Ohhhh that lil beach stabbed me,
O M F G,

I want to try so many little hobbies, candle making, soap making, basket weaving, wood carving, book binding, baking, weaving, i want to try them all,

So how is everyone’s fursuits coming along,
Mine’s alive and took my place in society,

Bored, might swallow a kinder egg like a snake just because,
This is what the F D A thought everyone would do if they allowed kinder eggs in America,

If your this good at drawing why would you use your talents to draw night at the museum characters naked,
I’m not going to post the context,
I think the context is you drew night at the museum characters naked,

Do slimes pee,
I did not realize you had anon asks disabled,
A story in two parts,

Number one slug control method,
Why every vegetable garden needs ducks,
Not even gonna click on it, anything with ducks and, slug control method, involved is the best video on youtube,

Me,
Minecraft, loads,
Me,

Alcatraz for milfs,
Joanne’s fabrics,

I don’t think jake gylinhal or whatever is real, i think he’s fake, like made up,
Jake gyllenhaal fact number 808,
Jake gyllenhaal doesn’t exist,

Hello, little human, okay i kiss you now,
Fun fact, the cat is checking the baby’s mouth to see still breathing, were it not breathing, the cat would commence to eat it,
Fun fact,

Those are her victims in the background,
This is a different version of you know i had to do it to em,
Her health bar is enormous,

When people did not have clocks, they used, candle clocks, candles that would burn for a set amount of hours, if you needed an alarm, you would push a nail at the desired time length in the candle and once it melted to the point, the nail would fall and hit the metal holder, alerting you,
I like that the candle pictured has four nails in it, ye old snooze button,

It fell a long time ago, but it never gave up,
Okay, new plan,

Archaeologists working at the ancient roman city of pompeii, italy, uncovered the remains of a 30 year old man who appears to have survived the initial eruption of vesuvius in 79 A D, only to be killed when he was struck by a large slab of stone,
Everything about this is fricking hilarious, i’m sorry, random pompeii man, but your death was some looney toones bullcrap and the framing of this photograph isn’t helping,