[Proofreading] Sylvia Says

Use the silk from cocoons to make sheets and other things for your bed in camp.

>Your journey starts out normal enough, and you find nothing out of the ordinary as you pass through trees and brackish water.
Unnecessary first you
"and find nothing out of the ordinary while passing through trees and brackish water."

>As you move farther away from familiar territory, the trees around you grow denser, and the canopy above you becomes so thick that it almost entirely blots out the sun.
Unnecessary second and third you

>your skin grows unbearably hot. The edges of our vision start to blur,
our

>your skin grows unbearably hot. The edges of our vision start to blur, and the pounding of your heart reverberates in your ears.
Quad "your".

>you're not quite to opposed to the idea of getting intimate.
to

Out of the blue kissing at the end of talk topics initiated by PC. It feels, disconnected from the rest and sort of tacked on. Might want to reword those instances to make them more natural with a set up.

>You tell her that you'd like to visit it. She unexpectedly bursts into tears. You're worried for a moment, but she quickly rushes over to hug you, kissing everywhere she can reach.
Is she supposed to be super emotional? Otherwise, bursting into tears seems almost funny, breaking into tears or anything less than the highest gear of crying right from the get go makes it feel more natural. More often than not, the shy girls start sobbing quietly before anything else, lots of sniffling and whimpering.

>You're worried for a moment, but she quickly rushes over to hug you, kissing everywhere she can reach.
A more expected response for someone so insecure would be to immediately want to make themselves feel secure with you, along the lines of tightly holding you and burying their face into your shoulder/neck. From that it’s an easy progression from possessive insecurity to affectionate showers of kisses.

>Her smile turns a bit more unsettling as she whispers, "<i>I'm never letting you go.</i>" You're not entirely sure what you've gotten yourself into...
The "unsettling" would be much better played out if she kept holding you after the crying, she does her little laugh thing, a comment is made on how long the embrace seems to last, her leaning back into your neck and you able to feel her breath on it, and then have her whisper that to you into your ear.

>You're not entirely sure what you've gotten yourself into...
No ellipses here. It’s too on the nose with the "unsettling" connotations, while the actual sentence itself would be enough.

>"<i>Oh, my mother used to make those. She was an amazing artist. I dabble a bit myself, but I can only hope to be as good as she was...</i>"

>You assure her that she'll be great and start to explore the cave further.
Most people would groan at or dismiss a throwaway comment like that, but you can play off her obsessive nature by making such a dumb meaningless comment mean more than it should to her. When someone obsesses over you, even the slightest thing you say can mean the world to them or make them do things with how they interpreted it in ways you hadn’t even thought of, but of which they are wholly convinced is what it meant. Even at that point where you directly argue against it it’s hard to sway them from what they’ve imprinted on with what you said.

A bunch of the [if (corrupt) excited | nervous] don’t make contextual sense. I usually hang around 30-ish corruption, but I certainly wouldn’t be nervous. Having a dialogue check with options preceding certain scenarios with dialogue differences such as this as a result would make more sense. They don’t need any actual weight to them or be tracked either. For example the nervous/excited (not necessarily sexually) would be two good openers for entering or nearing her home with her.

>causing a shiver to run down your spine as you leave her home.
While spine is correct, using "back" fits the wording better. Some words by association are better to be used. Spine is associated in this context with KNOWING that something is wrong, while back is a much less on the nose sounding word which you’d use for merely the idea that something might be, the unsettling you want to go for.

><b>Sylvia's Cave has been added to places.</b>
Even after this you’d want to have scenes where’d she be stalking and just watching you from a distance when exploring the swamp from time to time, actually even more so with you feeding into her obsession as much as you are.

>When it seems like she can't take it any more, you let her have it, and the sounds of your intimacy soon echo through the swamp.
swamp/cave

For the focus of her wanting you to cum inside of her in most scenes, that’s an area character-wise the most neglected. It can often be construed to be the closest you can get to someone with putting something from yourself in them (gurofags need not apply), and this is a moment to really take to drive home her obesssion with you at the peak of it all. Think along the lines of a much longer description for the player to read, coupled with Sylvia's involvement as well.

>Her fingers wrap around you as her snaking tongue gives you long, slow licks.] Sylvia slips the tip into her warm mouth and suckles on it for a moment before plunging all the way down. Her thin tongue continues to lavish you as her throat massages your length.
Integrate more of her physique in by writing it as her drawing you into her mouth her her long tongue.