Selfishness

Does this feel...Normal, to you?

 There is a moment where she takes in her surroundings and realize that she's become a 'product' of it all. That this regal city, opulent with nature - subtle, when it comes to the super power that be, has influenced her in ways that no one else ever could. In the end, she realized that no matter how much she might desire to be a normal girl within this society, it's not something that would easily happen. Her greed for the king, her desire for power, her will to change things...And make a difference forces her out of the 'norm'. But that doesn't mean that it's terrible now...Does it?

 A single hand drifts carefully towards the Rowan's lap. Her fingertips interlock within his own as she leans her head upon his shoulder - a mild, gentle yawn spilling past her lips as she speaks. "...There's something that I wanted to talk to you about, alone." she says softly, a mild frown beginning to appear on her lips.

 "I-..Think that it might be best if we speak about it now, since you're the Adjudicator. But ah-, well, it simply makes me uncomfortable." With seeing many, many things that people do. That people have done. Her people, in specific. "...Would you prefer for me to ask you here or would you rather us go him and speak about it?"
(Bei Bei)

There's an obvious peace that they all built in this town. At times, it was through sheer diplomacy and careful discussion, at the other times it was through brute strength that put others in their place.

And Arthur was enjoying it. For now.

The scarlet hues of Adjudicator wander about, at times glancing at the passing by people and spectating their daily activities. It's not too long until he feels her hand on his lap, soon interlocking with his own hand. He offers a smile to her, his lips curving at the feeling of the warmth that her hand gives to him, gently clutching on her own hand in return as well.

Feeling her lean upon him, he shifts just a bit closer to her, to make the matters of such more intimate.

"Of course. I can always find some time for you."

Though, a mention of privacy. This could be something important, or something that disturbs her greatly. With the mention that it might be making her uncomfortable, he already begins guessing what the topic could be.

"If you deem it important, I suppose we're better off speaking about it at home."

"Let's get going?"
(Arthur Rowan)

Arthur Rowan asks, "So, what is it you wished to tell me about?"


 "I was speaking to other people about things..." She says, her gaze beginning to drift off elsewhere. "Mostly, Conall- about his love for Rea and how the two of them wouldn't necessarily work out because of the things that they are. And as I started talking to him - I guess I started looking at all of the things that are around me." She doesn't seem to be too angry or too downtrodden at the thought of Valmasia. However, what comes is nothing more than a slow, gentle tremble - both hands crossing, pressing lightly against her chest as she speaks.

 "...I don't think that I can really ignore it anymore." She says, her gaze drifting elsewhere. "I'm standing on my people's home, on their graves- in their ashes." Her heart flutters at the last word - her teeth biting down upon her bottom lip as she continues. "-I don't really care about anything else in the world. I thought that maybe, I couldjust ignore it if I worked hard enough. If I got strong enough, but even I-...Even I know that it isn't so." Her words grow silent for the moment - both hands lightly pressing forward.

 "And so I-"

 She pauses for the moment, her body bowing carefully - perhaps, to avoid showing him her own shame within her request. "I'm begging you that you allow the Jianghese workers to finally be put to rest. I wanted them to wait-...To wait until Valmasia is finished being rebuilt and now that it is...I'm asking that you allow the ones who don't want to stay alive, to finally pass on. Can you?- Will you?...Please?"
(Bei Bei)

Ah, her conversations with Conall.

In a sense, he could almost foresee what topic she would bring up exactly. It would be something that's related to her own origin blood, to what she happens to be, no matter what are her allegiances and preferences now. Of course, there's no denying that the city of New Valmasia was built on the ashes of Ardent, her own people.

He could relate to that pain. Just as Valmasians were persecuted in Gaiar, oppressed, and forced into poverty throughout their entire existence, Jianghese were forced back and eventually taken out from larger game of Agartha. Where their city stood, there was one bloodbath of unbelievable measure, enough to make oceans run red from all of the crimson spilling on the ground.

That fateful day Gaiar sieged Ardent would not be forgotten for a long time.

"I know. You don't have to explain it to me."

Arthur takes her hand in his own, cupping it gently. There's a soft squeeze coming from him that she could feel, one of a genuine affection given towards her, one of compassion and understanding- he didn't oppose the idea, really, and considering that it only upset her, there's more reasons why he would side with her on this.

"You don't have to beg. I was going to release them the moment construction of the star is finished."

"I do my best to not mistreat the undead in any possible way. I believe that Azrael's Art is to be used in compassion and mercy, to give people a second chance, not enslave them."

"The moment last construction I need is finished, they will be free to pass on as they wish. I believe Headmistress Cho would not oppose it at that point either."
(Arthur Rowan)

It was a genocide - of Drakanites, Kitsune, and Qilin alike within that single month. Many of her people had bled while her family fled...Many of her people had fallen into the soil and instead of being granted comfort within the cycle, that had suffered an unending agony at the hands of Valmasia's necromancers for their betrayal and actions. In the end though - the fate that is worse than death is never deserving. Going through pain such as this - the rot, the endless, tireless work is not something that she could imagine doing. And it is also, partially, while she is frightened of necromancers as well. Because what if they get tired of her..?

 What if Arthur gets tired of her? The hand that grasps her own is tucked between both of hers now. She holds it carefully to her chest - her frown beginning to deepen. "...I suppose." There is a slight moment, a pause. Waiting until the star is constructed isn't enough. Shehad desired their freedom within the moment. She had wanted them to rest now, because who knows how long it'll take for a such a thing to be built? Who knows how long it'll take for them to get what it is that they truly desire?

 There is a pause. A flicker.

 "-..Are you certain that you can't release them now?" She knows that she shouldn't overstep her bounds. That she shouldn't beg and continue to pester him in trying times such as these, but.. "I'll do anything to advance the star. Just-..I can work." Creating prints, making certain that things go as planned....Atleast, something to take her mind off of those that she had once known..

 It is almost like a nightmare of some sort. "Just let me know what I need to do."
(Bei Bei)

It was telling her 'no' that could hurt him so much. It's the fact that he, in fact, could not let go of all these countless undead just now. As much as he showed sympathy to them, as much as he desired to release them in the longer run, there's something in his soul, mind and heart that lingers now. The first signs of corruption that he's inevitably influenced with.

Selfishness.

To build the star on his own would likely take years, even decades. But with all of the work force that they have? The moment they have acquired a spire shard and magi in order to construct the star, releasing these workers would be an option. And until then? Unfortunately, that's not the case...

"--Bei, to construct the proper building to sustain the star, as well as the shell for it, would become the task for years and decades to come, if we let go of all these workers right now."

"The star I intend to build is intended to make the life of all undead easier, to remove the corruption and pain they feel, to truly make a difference in how Azrael's Art is used."

"Don't you remember? To achieve something, you need to sacrifice something."

He lets go of her hand. His scarlet eyes avert elsewhere, almost unwilling to keep looking at her- as much as the selfishness in him was apparent, he couldn't bear to just tell her 'no' like this.

"I'm... sorry. It can't be done right now."
(Arthur Rowan)


She already knew what the answer would be. But there was still some idle hope within her heart - that she wouldn't have to bear seeing their faces anymore. That those who wanted to falter, could do so without having to suffer that fate. That together, perhaps, in some way...That they'd be able to mitigate the already harsh feelings that are there. Instinctively, when he continues - her hand presses lightly against her heart. Her lips pressing together, the thought of...Being unable to make a difference after telling Conall that it wasn't so is...Heartbreaking.

"...But the sacrifice was made long ago." Perhaps, barely audible to the Rowan. Perhaps, barely spoken from her own lips. How long must they continue to sacrifice their own wellbeing to makeup for the things that they have done? "-...You wouldn't even be able to tell me how long it'd take to make the star." There's a pause. A moment where she doesn't seem to understand, but her own impeccable love for him, stops her from acting out. Instead - when his own hand drops from hers, when he looks elsewhere..

She feels nothing but defeat.
"Okay.."

 She recoils back within the depths of her mind...The selfishness of his dreams making her go terribly, terribly silent as both hands raise carefully upon her features. Perhaps, she shouldn't do such a thing- not when she's strong. Not when she's strong enough, but...It happens. Both hands cover her features, and soon, she weeps silently while making her way towards the door- words, stammered over by tears.

"Thank you for your consideration, Arthur."

 It wasn't to make him feel bad. It was to simply allow her to properly grieve and perhaps, come to the realization that they might not ever get the rest that they desire. It is...Sick, in some strange way. It makes her feel sick.
(Bei Bei)

There's more to sacrifice than she thought of.

Their freedom, their blood, the souls of some, their time and work, and now, her tears. It's exactly what Arthur was afraid so much of seeing, it's something that he, no matter what, could not cope with. There could be a whole army of monsters seeking his death, there could be the Devil himself stood before Arthur with intention to slaughter him, but he wouldn't falter.

There's only one thing that can make him do so - her sorrow.

"It's not enough..."

He mutters. Arthur realized that she would not understand, that she would not allow the tragedy of her people go so easily, that she's bound to be upset about it, no matter what- and unfortunately for him, the prediction came true when she burst out into tears. His lips pursed, he stood silent, his gaze trailing from one spot on the floor to another.

'Why can't I look her in the eye...'

Is this what shame and anguish feels like? A feeling he's long forgotten with established peace upon Valmasian lands. Only when she tries to leave, only when she tries to make it past him does he reach out for her hand, and gently tries to pull her back.

It's not forceful. He hesitates, a lot. What colors it would paint him as if he actually forced her back? He's not fallen this far... not yet.

"Wait!"

"Don't go... the star will be built as soon as we acquire a spire shard. I already know how it should be done, I only need a core at this point."

"Please. Don't leave."
(Arthur Rowan)

She's not a coyote that way. She cannot imagine using him for her own advancements. She cannot imagine using his love for her as a means to make things 'right' when she knows that later on, it would only damage the relationship that they have with one another. It is, within her own desperation, that she felt the need to leave. That she felt the need to run away - if only momentary to gather her thoughts, to forget all that was occurring because this hurt. It hurt more than what one could ever imagine. And because of those things, she just didn't...She couldn't stand there and allow him to see her falter when she knew how things are.

 When he aims to pull her back - she doesn't fight back. Instead, she buries her features into his shoulder, her fingertips finding refuge within the cloth of his cloak and armor. Perhaps - he didn't understand a lot of the things that she had been said. And although this pain is sharp- although it hurts more than anything else, the pain of leaving him would be far, far too great than what she could ever imagine.

"I-...I'm not leaving you." There is a silence, a recollection that occurs as she seeks succor within his embrace. "I made a promise- that I wouldn't leave. That I wouldn't go. I-I'm sorry, Arthur...It just hurts." In all honesty, that is the reason as to why the Wvelvens had left. And it is also the reason as to why they have many enemies as of now.

"I'm sorry for being weak, I just couldn't...I know you mean well, but it's hard. Just forget that I asked." Words are spoken quickly, and although she says one thing...She most certainly means another. After all, when no one has ever wanted you or has loved you..

 It becomes easier to conform. "I'll be fine- I promise." It's a lie. A hard one that she speaks...But still, she knows how much his dream means to him. "I-I'm sorry."
(Bei Bei)

If it wasn't for the resolve that Arcane pushed him into, as well as the selfishness it induced, he would truly surrender to her request. It's the staining, corrupting influence of such magics that made him say 'no' to her, no matter how strong their love to each other was.

It's something that Arthur realized, but chose to not speak about.

There's respite in fact that she does not resist. He pulls her closer, away from the troubles of the world and from the harm that he done to her, giving her shelter and refuge within his arms, her face buried in his shoulder. Arthur embraces her like it would be their last embrace- this situation just now reminded him how fragile these things are.

Their plans. Life is cruel, and it often dashes them to the ground.

"Thanks..." - there's a gentle mutter in her ear, softness and warmth of his breath falling on her ear while he holds her. Although he speaks that, his eyes still remain upon the floor infront of him, pondering. Just what caused him to say 'no', though he supported the idea?

"You're not weak. I appreciate you speaking up, I really do. It's important for me to know what you wish for."

There's silence after that. He does naught but caress her back, his head resting close to hers as they stand like this; his chest rises and falls against hers, and his heart thrums inside, disturbed by what seemingly could be treated as him losing her.

Thud, thud, thud...

"It's okay. It's all going to be okay."
(Arthur Rowan)

Is it really going to be okay? In the end, she knows that no matter how much begging she might've done - that his decision might not change. She could plead for him to allow them to rest. She could beg for him to make their sleep temporary - to atleast, allow them some respite from working despite them being tireless. But still, it was all too difficult to speak about their future when there was so much uncertainty involved. The tears and the crying, she couldn't dare face him like that. Not with her aching heart, not when he fears that she might leave him over his decision. But...

 That is a question that she holds within her own mind.
What caused him to go against his dream?

She once believed that he was a man who understood the terrifying power of necromancy. She once believed that he wouldn't have gone to these lengths in order to make his dream come true. But with this chaos...With the arcane that he possesses, she almost wonders if this is the cause of his selfishness. If this is the cause for him to be willing to sacrifice what other 'good' morals he may have for the sake of achieving more power.

"Don't say things like that.." The truth is that she didn't want to hear it. She didn't want to hear about how 'important' her wants are when they wont have much of an effect. "I know it's-...I know it pushes what you want back. And I know that you want to do this quickly, I just-...It's not easy." Depression is a difficult thing to climb out of. And although it all happened so quickly, the gentle thrum of his heart against her own does soothe the ill feelings. It reminds her of many moments..

"Will it?-...If I say yes, will you promise me?" That they'll be let go after the star? That he'll give them final rest..? Or- is it all nothing more than a mere ruse?
(Bei Bei)

There's so much about him that changed.

The dreams of soul transference, utilizing the projects of Necromancy in order to raise the defensive barriers of the city, to feed the souls to the star and thus expand its influence, and inevitably, improve just about everything that Valmasia had at this point. It's quite something to dream about, especially when the part of your mind lingers on the idea that Necromancy should be less cruel.

But if it's not cruel, then what it is that they're doing now?

He doesn't wish to speak on it any further. The Arcane in his mind whispers, nudging him to say 'no' once more to her request, to deny any hope and respite that her people would ever become free again. There's so much potential in all of this work force amassed, and his heart and mind are torn- the heart screams for their freedom, out of love to her.

His calculated, merciless mind, though? It insists that they remain slaves.

"I promise... once the star is up, they will be free to pass on. I only need them for that, nothing more, nothing less."

Such a sweet promise... it's only a matter of time to see whether it comes true or not, but even now, the influence of Chaos could not be denied, the tempting offer to keep them around as permament workers and ensure further growth of Valmasia.

It is such a quiet thing, to fall... but it's far more terrible to admit it.
(Arthur Rowan)