Thread 100: Stories 1-15

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>PD
'Thread 1 PD'

'Ugh...6am...too early'

>Coffee...need blessed...coff-

Their eyes met across the kitchenette.

Looking to the counter where the pot steamed away they both saw...there was only one cup left.

From inside her coat her younger self produced a switchblade.

<Ka-click>

'Back off bitch, the joe is mine!'

>oh ho! I remember that...how quaint...

From inside her jacket the more modern mare withdraws a remote and depresses a button.

Moments later 2 gryphon droids burst through the window and train their weapons on the secretary.

'...I need this more than you. I have an entire day of listening to that moron's inane orders and I can't do that without my coffee!'

>Pfhah! Try running the whole damn show! ...and I'll thank you not insult a great man.

'Great? At what!? He's a little fish in a big pond who thinks he's hot shit, but is really just a steaming pile!'

<CHA-CHAK>

>Oh dear...you seem to have upset them...

'...you can't kill me. If I die you would cease to be.'

>And you can't kill me, without me you have no future.

'...I'm ready to take that chance...are you?'

>I was BORN ready.

'AHHHHHHHH!'

With a cry the secretary charged her future self.

<BRAKKA-BRAKKA-BRAKKA>

Never bring a knife to a gatling gun fight.

Triumphant the older mare stepped over her younger corpse and moved to the coffee machine. Filling her cup she raised it to her lips...only for it to fall through her suddenly transluscent hoof.

>Oh dear....I appear to have miscaculated.

And so she passed from existence.

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>Pinkie
"Past Cadence"
'Past DT'
~~~

>Right! A talkshow! Me and you!

"...A what now?"

'What is she talking about?'

"I have no idea..."

>A talk show! You're the pretty one!

'Well obviously!'

>Er... meant Cadence, you're the grumpy one.

'What!? Why would I be grumpy!?'

>I think it has something to do with your rocket launcher setting a bad example.

'MY WHAT!?'

"Who gave a child a rocket launcher!?"

'...Actually that sounds pretty cool.'

>You would think that, since that thing gets more action than Shiny does.

"What? Shiny plays with his action figures all the time."

'...I'm ten, and even I get that.'

>Come on! We have a life in the dreamhouse, it's great!...usually it's great... sometimes we get attacked by sex dolls.

'"...WHAT?!"'

>It's all NC anyway...

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>old RD
‘Current RD’
“??”
-??-

>HAH! I win! Knew I was still the best! Even against my past self!

‘Huff..huff…I’m your FUTURE self…’

>Wh-What!? That’s impossible! I can’t get slow!

‘P-paper work…poor…exercise.’

>Paper work!? What Kind of Nerd Does paper work!? You’re a real let down…me!

‘…’

>…Wh-what? What’s With that look? Oh…you’re flying away? …I’m sorry! I didn’t mean to make you leave! Come back! We can talk about my future…and stuff?

>…

>…Oh Hey! She’s coming back…very….very quickly too…Oh SHIT NO PLESASE DON-

<BOOM>

>AHHHHHHHHhhhhhhhh……….!

‘Yeah! How do you like that, huh!? Rainboom punch!’

***
>….hhhhhhhhHHHHHH!

<CRASH!>

“Holy shit Rainbow!?”

>hey…twi…

“How did you?”

She looks up.

“Oh no! Oh no! oh no! What did you break!?”

>Ehh…calm down I’m sure it was nothing impor-

-Containment breached. Self Destruct Protocol Initiated. So that Others May Live.-

>Uhhh…..

“Congratulations. You’ve killed all of Canterlot.

-3…2…1…-

<SHWA-BOOM!>

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>AB
"Past AB"
[SB]
{PSB}
-SL-
~PSL~
~~~~~

>...Girls?

>"Ah' think we took a wrong turn somewhere... HEY! Ah' was gonna say that! Stop copyin' me! Stop copyin' me! Stop copyin' me!"

[Wow, these changelings are weird.]

{CHANGELINGS!? WHERE!? OH SUGAR CUBES!}

~Lemme at 'em! I'll mess them up!~

-Nooo you won't. They can shoot lasers.-

~Wait... are you the changelings? KAPOW!~

-OW!... Oh that is it!-

~The kapow was wortheless girls! RUN!~

{AHHHHHHHHHHHhhHhhhhhhhhhhhh...}

~....Meant, like, with us, and not in a random direction, but you do you, SB, you got your own thing going on.~

"BAIL! KABUCK!"

>MY BUCKIN' TOOTH!

"NGHHHHHH!"

[...Ohhhh! I get it, BUCKING tooth! Because she bucked you! Okay I'm on board.]

~GROUND SAND!~

[MY EYES!]

~I'm out fillies!~

>...Girls, we ain't takin' this.

[So are we going on an epic adventure to get revenge?]

>Er, was actually gonna go tell our sisters.

-...sniffle...-

>BUT NOW WE'RE DOIN' THIS! Ta' adventure!

-Y-yaaayyy.-

[...]

-Don't judge me.-

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Non-Canon
>Pinkie
"Cadence"
'DT'
~~~~
>Welcome to Late Night /pa/ with your host Pinkie Pie! It's during this time that content doesn't matter, and this is already non-canon, so I get a pass! Now...for the 100th thread!

'For the last time, it's a ball of yarn!'

"...maybe it is a thread."

'She's getting in your head. It's clearly yarn not a thread!'

"But what does it mean?"

>It means we're getting closer to Princess Luna!

'...I'm not following the logic on this one.'

>Thread is Rarity's thing. If we follow it, it'll lead us to Luna.

'...You know what...okay.'

"Look over there! What's that?"
Somthing walks out of a dark corner.
"Awww it's a puppy!"

>Wait, that's no ordinary puppy.
Looks closer. It's made of yarn.
*ARF*
"It's adorable!"

More yarn puppies show up.

>...maybe you should drop that puppy.

"Why?"
They all open their mouths and sharp knitting needles are revealed.
"Uh oh."
DT slams TBDRLIATU in front of Cadence and generates an energy riot shield. The knitting needles rapidly fire from the yarn puppies hitting the shield.
*TING TING TING TING TING TING*

>Behind us!
Puppies line up and open fire. Pinkie moves quickly up and down to block and deflect the knitting needles with her hooves.
>Uh girls?

"I have this!"
Cadence fires a magic blast from her horn into the litter of puppies. In the smoke, even more needles are fired.

"Not helping!"
Quilted kittens fall from the ceiling and pounce.

"Not the face!"

'I should have known kittens were evil!'
She smacks one away. The kitten lands on it's feet and shoots lasers from it's eyes.
*MEW MEW MEW*
DT contorts her body in various positions to dodge the shots.
'WHY DO THEY HAVE LASERS!?!'

[MOONLIGHT GAZE]
A tall sillouette casts beaming lights from her eyes. The kitten and puppies freeze in place.
[...and the shadows are no more.]
After pillars of light appear they turn to dust.

>...Princess Luna?

Luna steps out lighting a lamp, her mane a mess.
[...You have too much smut, Pinkamena Diane Pie.]

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 >Applejack
"????"
'???'
[???]
{???}
~???~
-???-
~~~~~

>...What in the...

"Well tarnation! How's there two o' me!? Ya'll do this, Twilight?"

'No, this must be a temporal anomaly of some kind.'

[Can I hit it?]

{Dashie! You don't just punch random ponies?}



~I'm not the only one who thought she meant something else, right darling?~

-...I don't get it.-

>NOT AGAIN!

'Again!? I would certainly remember it-'

>Alright, line up!... Welcome ta' the future, ya'll might notice the buildin's look a little funny, that's cause they got wrecked twice.

""[{~-WHAT!? BY WHAT!?-~}]"'

>Iffin' ya'll will follow me, Ah'll give ya' the tour. No flash photography, cause Ah'm pretty sure that would do somethin' timey. FOLLOW ME!

"I have so many questions!"

>Save all questions fer' later when Ah' present them, and welcome ta' the future! When bookin' all future travels in... uh... a later date, ask fer' babs. She wanted ta' be a travel agent.

'...I'm lost.'

>That's why ya' follow me!

{Ha ha! She's funny!}

>LETS GO!

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>Rarity
"Past Rarity"
~~~~

>...Good lord I used to be huge.

"WELL I NEVER!"

>...So I take it you saw the... whatever it was that was coming and grabbed whatever you could before it brought you to the future?

"Whatever gives you that idea?"

>Oh... nothing much.

"...Is it the giant bags?"

>It's the giant bags, if I'm being totally honest.

"Well I had to make sure I was prepared! I didn't know where it was taking me!"

>So then why so many cloths?

"Well, what if the place it was taking me was dying for a fashion revolution?"

>Well, you're in the future.

"Even better! I'm ahead of the cycles!"

>You're actually two months behind by those.

"OH BLAST!... Would you mind carrying my bag?"

>Absolutely not!

"Oh..."

>"SWEETIE BEEELLLLEEEE!"

>...So just so I know, how much of that is food-

"OH DEAR CELETIAAAAAAAA! UH BUHHHHHHHHHHH!"

>...P-princess Rarity, everyone...

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>Fluttershy
"Past Fluttershy"
~???~
~~~~

"...Why do you have a horn?"

>Oh, wow, this is going to be really hard to explain...

"Just... just how."

>Chaos.

"I'm going to need more explanation than that."

>Well..

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JRenwPtrXVA

~Shypony with pink hair!~
~Fluttershy, Fluttershy!~
~For every animal she does care!~
~Fluttershy, Fluttershy!~

~Rescues puppies and kitties!~
~Fluttershy, Fluttershy!~
~Unless something scary she does see~
~Fluttershy, Fluttershy!~

~Her brain's overloading~
~It has a chaos coating~
~It's all caused by her friend Discord~
~Fluttershy, Fluttershy!~

~Check out Yellow Quiet~
~Always hides her face~
~Was helping a draconequus~
~And was zapped to crazyspace!~

~She turned into the Alicorn~
~She's crazy and super slick~
~She drives everyone crazy~
~'Cause she's a lunatic~

~Her favored place is behind pink hair~
~Fluttershy, Fluttorshe!~
~Summons things when she does dare!~
~Fluttershy, Bigmonkey!~

~Flies around with a giant wheel~
~Fluttershy, Fluuballoo!~
~She's just trying to finally deal.~
~Flutter me! Flutta you!~

~She's here to save the nation~
~But chaos is her creation~
~So containing powers she will try!~
~Fluttershy, Fluttershy!~
~FLUTTERSHY!~

"...What-"

>It's pretty much that.

"Um...okay."

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>Pinkie
"???"
~~~~

>...Well, this isn't obviously a setup for something.

CRACKLEBOOM!

>There it is!

Right before her eyes, a stylish yet functionally lacking car appeared out of nowhere, fire trailing behind it all the way. The door swung upwards, futuristic sounding yet somehow outdated noises hissing all the way.

>Oh hey! There's past me!

"No, Pinkie, I'm you.. FROM THE FUTURE!"

>Er... we're kind of doing a thing here, and this is throwing a whole wrench into the premise-

"NO TIME! I'm from the next thread, and I need your help!"

>Rightyroony! What can I do?

"We have to stop these silly things now!"

>NO!

"YES!"

>GASP! NOT YES!

"YES YES! We have to go back in time to the start of it all and stop this from happening! We have to go back... TO THE FUTURE!"

>By going back to the past?

"Well, that first, but then we go back to the future after that."

>Seems legit!

"Hop in!"

>Wait, what happens if we don't? Does my show get cancelled?

"...Well, no."

>Do I get less screentime?

"No less than normal."

>...Do I have to sleep with Shiny?

"Would that be a negative?"

>Huh... So what happens?

"We get... the THING!"

>N-not the thing! But it's so... SINFUL! And bad!... So... so bad... mm... so bad.

"So hop in so we can stop it!"

>Show me.

"Huh?"

>Show me to be sure.

"N-no, no Pinkie no!"

>I HAVE TO HAVE IT!

She leaps inside the car, and the sounds of punches and honks of chickens are heard.

Shortly, it is still...

Before the car shoots forwards, that is.

~~~~

"...Ughhh... where... where am I-No."

>Yes.

"Nooooo!'

>MMMMhmmmMM!... Yes.

"PAST ME NOOOO!"

>YESSSS YES YES YES YENNNNNGGGHHHH!

"NOT THE CHOCOLATE RAIN MAKER! We're going to get as fat as Rarity!"

Past-her only leans back, letting the chocolate run down all over her, mouth opened wide and waiting for the gooey goodness to flow inside.

>I feel the chocolate overtaking me... and it is good.

"NOOOOOO!"

But the future... refused to change.

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 >Chitania
"Past Chitania"
~~~~

"...This isn't amusing at all."

>Oh, fuck, this again.

"Wait... this again? This thing were I meet myself from the past? Hivemind damn it, not again... but you look older this time."

>Oh? You remember this too? Where are you right now, last memory?

"I've just infiltrated those moronic gryphons, and shall soon learn the secrets of their poisons."

>...oh... oh fuck.

"Future?"

>I'm from the future, yeah.

"Anything interesting about to happen?"

>...couple things...

"Hrm... I don't hear a warning."

>I'm trying to debate what that will do to the time stream.

"Well if you're not going to fucking do it, then do something interesting, this is boring."

>...

"..."

FWOOSH!

>"GRAAGHHHHHHHH!"

BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!

>FUCKING YES!

"THIS IS AWESOME!"

>THIRTEEN! WATCH ME!

"Who?"

>...NEVERMIND!

PUNCH!

>"YEAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

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 >Trenderhoof
"Past Trenderhoof"

"Gee, I can't wait to cover this business in Stalliongrad, I might finally get the...recognition...I...deserve?"

>...

"...uhh, hi, weird hobo pony."

>...

"You're uh...super thin, are you ok?"

>...

"You're getting really close...and you're touching my face...uhhhh..."

>Nooooooooo.

"POCKET SAND!"

Ka-Flee

>...Stalliongraaaad greatest country in the world...

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 >SA
"Past SA"
~~~~

>....

"...Just tell me I have LESS mares fifty threads from now?"

>...uh...

"Fine... fine just... the same number? Movie night hasn't gotten MORE stuffed, has it?"

>........

"OH GOD WHYYYYYYYY!?"

>You know, from this side, it does sound weird when somebody breaks down crying because he learns more mares want to hang around with him....

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 >Twilight
"Past Twilight"
~~~~~

>...How far back.

"Nightmare Night?"

>Oh... well, you are in for an... event.

"Oh?"

>Yeah, oh.

"Oh... bad?"

>Gets better eventually.

"Always does I guess... anything past that?'

>We get a centipede train that shoots lightning.

"...fucking... yes."

>Makes it all worth it.

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 >Past Spike
"Spike"
~~~

>Soooo... more badass in fifty threads?

"I got punted like a hoofball after being totally useless."

>...that sounds about right...

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>13
"Past 13"
~~~

"OH FUCK!"

>Trust me, it's not as bad as it looks.

"HOW!?"

>I haven't been set on fire in over a month.

"...'

>...

"....But... but you're-"

>Yeah, and she knows. But I also haven't been run over or stabbed by anything.

"....nnngn...."

>Hard choice?

"It's really hard, I'm not going to lie."

>I also have not been punched.

"SOLD!"

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