The Paul McGann Crisis

Bad and Silly Fanfictions - Episode 1
PMGC.txt - The Paul McGann Crisis

4/10 for badness
10/10 for sillyness

Fanfictions Used:
8 out of 10 Doctors by Dansevise
Paul McGann's Pokemon by Dansevise
The Digital Quest by Dansevise
Paul McGann in Equestria by Dansevise
Paul McGann Crisis by Dansevise
Winner by Dansevise

---

flax0: so Cookie, you got more bad fanfics for us?
CookisCrisp: I do indeed, check the link!
flax0: oh, good
CookiesCrisp: Ok, so, these next ones are stories this chick did about this actor guy who was in Doctor Who and some other stuff....
Talilia: I got the link you sent me lol
flax0: why is it an 8 out of 10 cats crossover?
Talilia: lol Jimmy Carr's in it !!
CookiesCrisp: Because it's stupid... so here's the first one:

---

8 out of 10 Doctors
by Dansevise

Jimmy Carr walked backstage during the ad-break of 8 out of 10 cats, happy with the production. It had been a Doctor Who special, and all 11 doctors had been invited to the show. Jimmy Carr had always secretly been a massive Doctor Who fan, and this was his chance to enjoy some Doctor Who fan fun. While secretly pretending to mock it, of course.
Jimmy Carr knocked on the door with a yellow star symbol on it and then entered.
Paul McGann spun around.
"Oh, hello there Jimmy."
"Hey Paul, thanks for being here tonight," Jimmy said.
"Thanks for having me," Paul replied.
"That's no problem, and I should be thanking you! You were great back there!"
"Hah, really?" Paul laughed, "You lot hardly let me get a word in edgeways!"
"Well, that's because there's a lot of people here tonight," Jimmy grinned, "Biggest show we've had so far!"
Jimmy seemed proud of his achievement. But there was something else, Jimmy Carr had come to reveal his secret.
"I didn't say back there, but you know, I was always a big fan of that Doctor Who movie, and I was quite a big fan of yours back in the day..."
"What? You were?" Paul was shocked. Jimmy just smiled back.
"Wow," Paul said, "You didn't say. You really were, you're not just winding me up?"
"I was indeed," Jimmy said, "I really was. Brilliant, that movie was, y'know?"
Suddenly, the siren sounded, signalling that the advert break was about to end and that the people doing the 8 out of 10 cats special should probably get back onto the stage.
"Oh, we better go," Paul said.
"Yup. We'll talk about this after the show, and maybe... you could sign me a few autographs?"
"That'd be great, thanks," Paul smiled.

---

Talilia: loooooooooooooooooooooooooooool
flax0: wtf did I just read?
CookiesCrisp: Jimmy Carr fangirling Doctor Who XD XD XD
flax0: was there really an 8 out of 10 cats Doctor Who episode?
CookiesCrisp: No, there wasn't. I'm pretty sure it wouldn't work anyway since the show is about current events and not, you know, Doctor Who.
Talilia: It could work technically, maybe if they did it like the Jimmy Carr Quiz show instead of 8 out of 10 cats, so like 'Big Fat Quiz of Doctor Who' instead of the Big Fat Quiz of the 80's or whatever.
flax0: are you guys seriously discussing the possibility of this fanfiction?
flax0: you are, aren't you?
flax0: please stop this.
CookiesCrisp: Ok guys, are you ready for the next one?
Talilia: I guess...

---

Paul McGann's Pokemon
by Dansevise

Paul McGann woke up happy that morning. He had just received his Pokemon liscense in the mail, and was now eligible to receive his first ever Pokemon. He was worried about going to Professor Oak's lab though, his son always laughed at him. However, Professor Oak was very nice, and had promised to give everyone who lived in the village their first Pokemon for free, and so he made his way over to Professor Oak's lab.
"So... I see you are going to get you're very first Pokemon, I've had mine for ages!" a voice laughed in the distance.
Sure enough, it was Professor Oak's son, David Tennant.
David Tennant laughed. David Tennant was Professor Oak's son and had been in Doctor Who for a lot longer.
"I'm going to beat you in all of your Pokemon battles!" laughed David Tennant.
"No you're not!" Paul replied back, "I'm going to win and become the strongest Pokemon trainer ever!"
And so Paul went inside Professor Oak's lab.
Professor Oak walked over to him.
"Greetings Mr. McGann!" smiled Professor Oak, "Please, if you will, choose a Pokemon out of these three Pokemon! Your starter Pokemon is very important, so please choose carefully!"
Professor Oak directed Paul to three Pokeballs on a table.
"Take your time to decide!" Professor Oak smiled.
Paul spent a while looking over the three Pokeballs. Charmander, Bulbasaur and Squirtle. He quite liked the look of the blue water turtle pokemon, Squirtle.
"I choose Squirtle!" Paul said, pointing at the Pokeball with a picture of Squirtle on it.
"Paul McGann, you have chosen Squirtle!" smiled Professor Oak, "Here, take this!"
And so Professor Oak handed Paul the Pokeball containing the water Pokemon squirtle.
"Also take this," said Oak, and Oak handed Paul a PokeDex, "This is a PokeDex, it records data on Pokemon you see or catch. Good luck in your journey!"
"Thank you Mr. Oak!"
And so the Paul and his Squirtle went back to Paul's house.
"This is brilliant, finally, I'm a Pokemon trainer!" Paul smiled.
"Squirtle!" said Squirtle.
"We're gonna be the best, right Squirtle!" Paul smiled.
"Squirtle, Squirtle!" Squirtle smiled.
It was going to be a tough journey to get all the gym badges and become the strongest Pokemon trainer in the land, but Paul was determined that he could do it, after all, how hard could it be?
The squirtle standing beside him grinned. They were both determined to get there.

---

Talilia: Why are all these stories only a paragraph long?
flax0: rly bad paragraphing too
Talilia: I love David Tennant being the son of Professor Oak though.
CookiesCrisp: Yeah that was my favourite part
flax0: also what's with the pokemon license, i thought you got a pokemon automatically when you turned 11 or whatever
flax0: also who the hell chooses squirtle
Talilia: I always chose Squirtle ;_;
flax0: exactly
CookiesCrisp: Are you guys ready for a Digimon crossover?
flax0: what no
Talilia: I was born ready for that
Talilia: Digimon, Digital monsters, Digimon are the champions!

---

The Digital Quest
by Dansevise

One day Paul McGann was reading his emails when one of them read "Do you accept the quest to save the Digital World?"
It was rather strange and so he clicked on it.
There were two options, yes or no. Interested about what it was about, he clicked on the yes option. Suddenly, a bright light appeared beside him and when it faded there was a small white and green digital creature beside him.
"Hello!" it said.
"Aaagh!" Paul yelled, "What the hell are you?"
Terriermon just laughed.
"I'm your partner digimon!" the small dog-like digimon smiled, "My name is Terriermon! You and I are gonna be partners!"
"What?" Paul asked, "Partners?"
Suddenly, a flash of blue light appeared, and a digivice fell to the floor. Paul picked it up. It was green and white, and had strange buttons on it.
"Yup, that's yours!" Terriermon said, "It's called a digivice, all digimon tamers have them!"
"Digimon... tamers?"
"Yup, that's what you are! As I said, my name's Terriermon, what's yours?"
"My name's Paul McGann," said Paul.
"Pleased to meet you Paul McGann," said Terriermon, grinning, "We're gonna make great digital partners!"
"Partners... huh...?"
"Yup, you got yourself your very own digimon!"

---

flax0: these stories all seem to set up something
flax0: but then they just... stop
flax0: and it ends
Talilia: Maybe they've got some weird story writing rules
Talilia: "No! I can only write one paragraph per story!"
CookiesCrisp: They all go like 'one day paul mcgann the end'
CookiesCrisp: And that's the formula
flax0: except sometimes they cross it over with some totally unrelated thing
CookiesCrisp: Exactly
CookiesCrisp: Hey flax0, the next one is called 'Paul McGann in Equestria'.
flax0: wtf no

---

Paul McGann in Equestria
by Dansevise

It was a happy day in Ponyville, the sun was shining, everypony was playing.
The Mane Six were playing with a football by the lake.
"Eeyup," said Applejack, "I'm sure gonna win!"
"No way," said Rainbow Dash, "I am!"
It was then that Mayor Mare ran over to the Mane Six.
"Hello guys," Mayor Mare said, "There's been reports of a new pony hanging around town. We think he may be lost, we'd like him to stay here, if you would please go and find him."
"Awww," said Rainbow Dash, "Do we have to?"
"Sure we do," smiled Pinkie Pie, "It sounds like fun, right guys?"
"I'm always up for meeting new friends," said Twilight.
"As am I," said Spike.
"Then, it's settled," Rarity said, "We'll do it."
"Oh, thank you girls, and Spike!" Mayor Mare smiled and she walked off.
And with that the ponies and Spike walked off to try and find the new pony.
"Oh, I wonder what he'll be like?" Flutterby said.
Suddenly, they saw a blue pony in the distance.
"Look," said Applejack, "Over there!"
"I see, I see," Fluttershy whispered and they all walked over to the blue pony.
"Uh... hello there," the blue pony said.
"Who are you?" Pinkie Pie asked.
"My name is Paul McGann," said the blue pony, "I'm new here."
"Well, welcome to Equestria!" Pinkie Pie smiled happily.
"Would you like us to show you around Ponyville?" Twilight Sparkle smiled.
"Uh... sure," Paul said, "Why not?"
"Ok, I'm sure that you'll love it!" said Twilight, "It'll be your new home!"
"My... new home?" Paul asked, "Really?"
"Of course!" Pinkie Pie smiled, "Every pony is welcome in Ponyville!"
"That's great!" Paul smiled and so they all went off to Ponyville.
The trees were flowering, ponies were dancing and singing. Everyone looked happy.
"Wow!" Paul said, "It's brilliant!"
"See!" Twilight said, "I told you you'd love it!"
"I do! I do!" The blue pony jumped up and down.
And so they all lived happily ever after.
The End.

---

flax0: wtf
flax0: why
flax0: why would anyone write that
flax0: it makes no sense
Talilia: That was the funniest one so far
CookiesCrisp: Hey guys, do you want to read about how the Cuban Missile Crisis was solved?
Talilia: I sure do!
CookiesCrisp: Wonderful! Bet you didn't know it was solved by Paul McGann!
flax0: lol

---

Paul McGann Crisis
by Dansevise

"Well, why don't you all just have a chat about it?" Paul McGann said into the phone.
"That's a brilliant idea, thank you Mr McGann," replied the voice on the other end of the line, who then hung up.
John F Kennedy had just gotten off the phone to Paul McGann, who was world renowned as an excellent British mediator.
He was trying to solve the Cuban Missile Crisis dispute, and had been on the phone many times to both Kennedy and Khrushchev, who were very grateful in his help to avoid a catastrophe. The missiles on Cuban territory were proving to be quite an issue.
Suddenly, the phone rang again. This time it had to be Khrushchev.
"Hello, this is Paul McGann speaking, who is this?"
"Khrushchev. Nikita Khrushchev."
"I assume you received my advice then?"
"Yes, I most certainly did, Mr McGann. Kennedy and I have had a long discussion, and decided that the best course of action is that I remove my missiles from Cuba, and he removes his from Turkey. I think it is the best solution for all, don't you think, Mr McGann?"
"Oh yes, I think that it is most excellent that you have found a solution!"
"Oh, don't be so modest, Mr McGann, it is all thanks to you that we have solved this most pressing issue."
"Well, it can't all be attributed to me..."
"Yes it can, and it will. The world was close to crisis point today, but thanks to your hard work McGann, the world is saved. I am issuing a medal in your honour! You shall receive it in the post soon enough. I have spoken to John F Kennedy, and he is doing the same thing. I assure you, your help has been vital in the securing of a peaceful solution to this Cuban Missile Crisis."
"Well... I don't know what to say, thank you Khrushchev, thank Kennedy to for me."
"Oh, I will. And the whole world will thank you, Paul McGann, for solving the Cuban Missile Crisis."
The End.

---

Talilia: Ok, this is now the funniest one so far
flax0: loooooool
Talilia: And I love how the USSR gives him a medal and so does America.
Talilia: Because you know, that makes sense.
flax0: it does make sense cos paul mcgann probably solved the cold war as well lol
CookiesCrisp: It totally makes sense they would phone some random British guy to solve a huge international crisis.
CookiesCrisp: Now, the next one is very short, but it's the last one...
flax0: what, the last one already?
flax0: I was starting to like these
Talilia: Me too!

---

Winner
by Dansevise

Paul McGann had done it, he had won. The EuroStars Song Contest, a song contest of excellent prestige and value, had been won. He had gotten 12 points from nearly every country, and everyone praised his wonderful song called 'Dancing in the TARDIS', which was about the TV show Doctor Who. The flag of the UK waved everywhere in the crowd, as did the flags of many other countries. He looked across the sea of colour representing his victory. He held up the golden trophy high as the audience clapped.
It was truly a wonderful day.

---

flax0: wow that story was so long
flax0: that was practically a whole novel
CookiesCrisp: I know right?
CookiesCrisp: Totally pointless.
CookiesCrisp: I don't get the point of writing a story that short.
CookiesCrisp: There was no real plot either it was just 'he won something'.
Talilia: I'm thinking that was supposed to be the plot.
CookiesCrisp: No one even says anything
Talilia: Also why use an expy title of the Eurovision Song Contest if you're going to have real people in it anyway
CookiesCrisp: Sometimes, fanfic writers just make no sense...

---

CookiesCrisp: well, those are all the stories that Dansevise has written about Paul McGann.
flax0: what that's all of them?
CookiesCrisp: Yep, but hopefully there's more crazy crossover adventures soon.
Talilia: I for one can't wait!
CookiesCrisp: Oh well, until the next time, farewell viewers!

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

That's the end of the episode, here are all the fanfictions by themselves:

8 out of 10 Doctors
by Dansevise

Jimmy Carr walked backstage during the ad-break of 8 out of 10 cats, happy with the production. It had been a Doctor Who special, and all 11 doctors had been invited to the show. Jimmy Carr had always secretly been a massive Doctor Who fan, and this was his chance to enjoy some Doctor Who fan fun. While secretly pretending to mock it, of course.
Jimmy Carr knocked on the door with a yellow star symbol on it and then entered.
Paul McGann spun around.
"Oh, hello there Jimmy."
"Hey Paul, thanks for being here tonight," Jimmy said.
"Thanks for having me," Paul replied.
"That's no problem, and I should be thanking you! You were great back there!"
"Hah, really?" Paul laughed, "You lot hardly let me get a word in edgeways!"
"Well, that's because there's a lot of people here tonight," Jimmy grinned, "Biggest show we've had so far!"
Jimmy seemed proud of his achievement. But there was something else, Jimmy Carr had come to reveal his secret.
"I didn't say back there, but you know, I was always a big fan of that Doctor Who movie, and I was quite a big fan of yours back in the day..."
"What? You were?" Paul was shocked. Jimmy just smiled back.
"Wow," Paul said, "You didn't say. You really were, you're not just winding me up?"
"I was indeed," Jimmy said, "I really was. Brilliant, that movie was, y'know?"
Suddenly, the siren sounded, signalling that the advert break was about to end and that the people doing the 8 out of 10 cats special should probably get back onto the stage.
"Oh, we better go," Paul said.
"Yup. We'll talk about this after the show, and maybe... you could sign me a few autographs?"
"That'd be great, thanks," Paul smiled.

---

Paul McGann's Pokemon
by Dansevise

Paul McGann woke up happy that morning. He had just received his Pokemon liscense in the mail, and was now eligible to receive his first ever Pokemon. He was worried about going to Professor Oak's lab though, his son always laughed at him. However, Professor Oak was very nice, and had promised to give everyone who lived in the village their first Pokemon for free, and so he made his way over to Professor Oak's lab.
"So... I see you are going to get you're very first Pokemon, I've had mine for ages!" a voice laughed in the distance.
Sure enough, it was Professor Oak's son, David Tennant.
David Tennant laughed. David Tennant was Professor Oak's son and had been in Doctor Who for a lot longer.
"I'm going to beat you in all of your Pokemon battles!" laughed David Tennant.
"No you're not!" Paul replied back, "I'm going to win and become the strongest Pokemon trainer ever!"
And so Paul went inside Professor Oak's lab.
Professor Oak walked over to him.
"Greetings Mr. McGann!" smiled Professor Oak, "Please, if you will, choose a Pokemon out of these three Pokemon! Your starter Pokemon is very important, so please choose carefully!"
Professor Oak directed Paul to three Pokeballs on a table.
"Take your time to decide!" Professor Oak smiled.
Paul spent a while looking over the three Pokeballs. Charmander, Bulbasaur and Squirtle. He quite liked the look of the blue water turtle pokemon, Squirtle.
"I choose Squirtle!" Paul said, pointing at the Pokeball with a picture of Squirtle on it.
"Paul McGann, you have chosen Squirtle!" smiled Professor Oak, "Here, take this!"
And so Professor Oak handed Paul the Pokeball containing the water Pokemon squirtle.
"Also take this," said Oak, and Oak handed Paul a PokeDex, "This is a PokeDex, it records data on Pokemon you see or catch. Good luck in your journey!"
"Thank you Mr. Oak!"
And so the Paul and his Squirtle went back to Paul's house.
"This is brilliant, finally, I'm a Pokemon trainer!" Paul smiled.
"Squirtle!" said Squirtle.
"We're gonna be the best, right Squirtle!" Paul smiled.
"Squirtle, Squirtle!" Squirtle smiled.
It was going to be a tough journey to get all the gym badges and become the strongest Pokemon trainer in the land, but Paul was determined that he could do it, after all, how hard could it be?
The squirtle standing beside him grinned. They were both determined to get there.

---

The Digital Quest
by Dansevise

One day Paul McGann was reading his emails when one of them read "Do you accept the quest to save the Digital World?"
It was rather strange and so he clicked on it.
There were two options, yes or no. Interested about what it was about, he clicked on the yes option. Suddenly, a bright light appeared beside him and when it faded there was a small white and green digital creature beside him.
"Hello!" it said.
"Aaagh!" Paul yelled, "What the hell are you?"
Terriermon just laughed.
"I'm your partner digimon!" the small dog-like digimon smiled, "My name is Terriermon! You and I are gonna be partners!"
"What?" Paul asked, "Partners?"
Suddenly, a flash of blue light appeared, and a digivice fell to the floor. Paul picked it up. It was green and white, and had strange buttons on it.
"Yup, that's yours!" Terriermon said, "It's called a digivice, all digimon tamers have them!"
"Digimon... tamers?"
"Yup, that's what you are! As I said, my name's Terriermon, what's yours?"
"My name's Paul McGann," said Paul.
"Pleased to meet you Paul McGann," said Terriermon, grinning, "We're gonna make great digital partners!"
"Partners... huh...?"
"Yup, you got yourself your very own digimon!"

---


Paul McGann in Equestria
by Dansevise

It was a happy day in Ponyville, the sun was shining, everypony was playing.
The Mane Six were playing with a football by the lake.
"Eeyup," said Applejack, "I'm sure gonna win!"
"No way," said Rainbow Dash, "I am!"
It was then that Mayor Mare ran over to the Mane Six.
"Hello guys," Mayor Mare said, "There's been reports of a new pony hanging around town. We think he may be lost, we'd like him to stay here, if you would please go and find him."
"Awww," said Rainbow Dash, "Do we have to?"
"Sure we do," smiled Pinkie Pie, "It sounds like fun, right guys?"
"I'm always up for meeting new friends," said Twilight.
"As am I," said Spike.
"Then, it's settled," Rarity said, "We'll do it."
"Oh, thank you girls, and Spike!" Mayor Mare smiled and she walked off.
And with that the ponies and Spike walked off to try and find the new pony.
"Oh, I wonder what he'll be like?" Flutterby said.
Suddenly, they saw a blue pony in the distance.
"Look," said Applejack, "Over there!"
"I see, I see," Fluttershy whispered and they all walked over to the blue pony.
"Uh... hello there," the blue pony said.
"Who are you?" Pinkie Pie asked.
"My name is Paul McGann," said the blue pony, "I'm new here."
"Well, welcome to Equestria!" Pinkie Pie smiled happily.
"Would you like us to show you around Ponyville?" Twilight Sparkle smiled.
"Uh... sure," Paul said, "Why not?"
"Ok, I'm sure that you'll love it!" said Twilight, "It'll be your new home!"
"My... new home?" Paul asked, "Really?"
"Of course!" Pinkie Pie smiled, "Every pony is welcome in Ponyville!"
"That's great!" Paul smiled and so they all went off to Ponyville.
The trees were flowering, ponies were dancing and singing. Everyone looked happy.
"Wow!" Paul said, "It's brilliant!"
"See!" Twilight said, "I told you you'd love it!"
"I do! I do!" The blue pony jumped up and down.
And so they all lived happily ever after.
The End.

---

Paul McGann Crisis
by Dansevise

"Well, why don't you all just have a chat about it?" Paul McGann said into the phone.
"That's a brilliant idea, thank you Mr McGann," replied the voice on the other end of the line, who then hung up.
John F Kennedy had just gotten off the phone to Paul McGann, who was world renowned as an excellent British mediator.
He was trying to solve the Cuban Missile Crisis dispute, and had been on the phone many times to both Kennedy and Khrushchev, who were very grateful in his help to avoid a catastrophe. The missiles on Cuban territory were proving to be quite an issue.
Suddenly, the phone rang again. This time it had to be Khrushchev.
"Hello, this is Paul McGann speaking, who is this?"
"Khrushchev. Nikita Khrushchev."
"I assume you received my advice then?"
"Yes, I most certainly did, Mr McGann. Kennedy and I have had a long discussion, and decided that the best course of action is that I remove my missiles from Cuba, and he removes his from Turkey. I think it is the best solution for all, don't you think, Mr McGann?"
"Oh yes, I think that it is most excellent that you have found a solution!"
"Oh, don't be so modest, Mr McGann, it is all thanks to you that we have solved this most pressing issue."
"Well, it can't all be attributed to me..."
"Yes it can, and it will. The world was close to crisis point today, but thanks to your hard work McGann, the world is saved. I am issuing a medal in your honour! You shall receive it in the post soon enough. I have spoken to John F Kennedy, and he is doing the same thing. I assure you, your help has been vital in the securing of a peaceful solution to this Cuban Missile Crisis."
"Well... I don't know what to say, thank you Khrushchev, thank Kennedy to for me."
"Oh, I will. And the whole world will thank you, Paul McGann, for solving the Cuban Missile Crisis."
The End.

---

Winner
by Dansevise

Paul McGann had done it, he had won. The EuroStars Song Contest, a song contest of excellent prestige and value, had been won. He had gotten 12 points from nearly every country, and everyone praised his wonderful song called 'Dancing in the TARDIS', which was about the TV show Doctor Who. The flag of the UK waved everywhere in the crowd, as did the flags of many other countries. He looked across the sea of colour representing his victory. He held up the golden trophy high as the audience clapped.
It was truly a wonderful day.

---