Casual/Stolen Pharaoh

>finally break into the sarcophagus chamber after weeks of digging
>the massive coffin in the center shines with gold, onyx and jade
>walk up to try and read the inscription on the lid, accidentally touch the hieroglyphs
>the lid slams open, and two red cobras jump out
>they both drag you into the coffin, which immediately slams shut again, leaving you in the dark
>you feel a pair of huge, soft breasts crush themselves against your back as a pair of dainty, manicured hands wraps around to your front
>you hear a yawn and a sigh, warm breath that smells like honey rolling over you
>"Mmmh... five more minutes..." the pharaoh mumbles, her eyelashes tickling your neck
>you hope one of the other archaeologists finds you in time
>it'd be bad if she decided to sleep in for another century with her new teddy bear

God I wish that were me.

Nah, that's her conscious brain. Lazy sleepy pharaoh's subconscious cares more about stupid crap.

>she starts muttering to herself, garbled a bit by her pressing her face into the back of your head
>"Buh... *sniff* gonna... make a... big... cake...zzz..."
>suddenly she squeezes you so hard you feel like your eyes are going to pop out
>"N-no! *hic* we're all outta... chocolate... milk... zzz..."
>you start struggling, seeing if you can wriggle out of her iron hug
>"Anubis gotta... gotta get laid... big time... zzz..."
>you finally get yourself free and try to quietly open the lid of the coffin
>light floods in, and you can finally see her
>her hair's a mess, and there's a little line of drool running from the corner of her mouth
>most curiously of all, though, she's wearing a giant white t-shirt that reads "sleeping booty" in perfect english
>"Gimme that... *snrk*... gimme that... that kitten... the chubby one... zzz..."
>one of the cobras pokes its head out and moves as if to grab you, but then relents
>it flicks its tongue and slides back in with a nod, as if telling you to try again later


>Buy a sarcophagus from some shifty tanuki.
>You know you'll get in trouble if it was stolen,but your museum needs something to attract customers.
>Have it hauled in and lock up for the day.
>Returning the next day, you unlock the door and find the sarcophagus open.
>Debating about calling the cops if thieves broke in, your thoughts are interrupted when a strong but feminine arm hauls you off the ground.
>"So thief" a voice declares "you thought you could get away by stealing the resting place of a god made flesh and hiding it in some far away country? In my time this would be punishable by death"
>You're twisted around to see the face of a Pharaoh.
>"But I have another idea. I'll make you see me as your goddess and you can live. Of course, you'll have to spend the rest of your life atoning for your crime by caring for me, but I'll make sure you learn to love it"