Thread 7: Stories 31-45

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________


 >Crystal Guard
"Canterlot Guard"
~~~~~~~

>Thunderhoof! How are you?

"Hey'a Shatter. How's it going?"

>Could not be better, actually. Look at my new armor!

"*Whistles* spiffy."

>I can tank hits now without worrying about it falling apart!

"Your princess is really getting on her game now. She really turned it around."

>..R-right! The princess. So, hey, noticed you've got a new projector!

"Oh yeah, turns out there was an error in our pay that's been going on for a while, and we got it back, so I splurged a bit. It's funny, it's actually so miniscule nobody had even noticed it, but wow did it make a difference!"

>Wow, Princess Celestia must be tearing that paperwork apart!

"...Right! Praise Celestia... who is definitely the one who did that. Just like Princess Cadence."

>O-of course. She's the Crystal Princess for a reason!

"Well, obviously."

>...

"..."

>...Fine. It was actually Changeling named 18. But you can't tell anyone!

"That's alright. It was actually Spike for me, but please don't let it leave the room."

>Right... right...

"...Still get the shakes?"

>You know, they've reduced significantly since I walked in on Two putting makeup on Sombra and putting little ribbons in his smoke tendril things. You?

"They've gotten significantly worse since 77 started training us."

>I feel ya', buddy. I feel ya'.

"What the fuck happened?"

>I wake up every day, and I wonder.

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>SA
"Changeling"
'Guard'
[???]
-???-
~~~~~~~~

'Sire, your two o' clock appointment is here!'

>I have an appointment? Huh. Weird. Send them in, I guess.

"Hiya!"

>...Oh! Hey! You're that Changeling Celestia tried rubbing on my head the other day.

"Yeah. Didn't make me any better with the paperwork. Personally, I think something was wrong with her science. Didn't seem very science. No scienco, ifo you getto my drifto."

>...Not gonna lie, I'm actually really impressed you actually made an appointment.

"Yeah, noticed the standard modi operndi was just to like, break in with explosions.... Can't do that, actually! Tried shooting a beam once and I was so scared I stuck to the ceiling for a solid week. Nobody noticed I was gone."

>I can relate.

"...So! I uh, well, this is kind of awkward, and I don't want to infer anything, really, but, uhhhh... heard you were okay with Changelings?"

>I... guess? Not sure what you mean there.

"Sorry, being vague, I'm vague like that. Trying to fix it... Anyway! What I mean to say is, on my way out the other day, thanks for the ticket by the by really appreciate it, I noticed a couple of employees. Changeling employees. Employees who are Changelings, I guess would be what I mean by that."

>I got it.

"Sooooo....."

>You want a job?

"Yes! That. That is the thing I was hoping for. I mean, I understand if you're full up on Changelings, really don't want to put any pressure on you, job's gotta be hard enough as it is, buuuuuttttt...."

>Well, I don't have any positions that need filled in the castle-

"Shoot!... Oh! Sorry, didn't mean to imply I was mad, I'm not, really, please don't take it that way, was just... you know, I'm sorry, really sorry. I'll just go..."

>But I do know Mrs Glitz is looking for an assistant.

"...Oh?"

>Yeah, she mostly shines and smooths crystals for sale. Has a real problem organizing, though. I think you'd be perfect.

"R-really!? I, uh, I mean... why?"

>Well, for starters, I notice you've been arranging my pens from smallest to largest for a while now.

"Oh. I do that. It's a thing I do. I think it's called OTP?"

>OCP. Obsessive Compulsive Disorder."

"Wow, I have so many explanations I need to give."

>I'll send her a little note of recommendation for you.

"Wow! Uh... thanks! I don't know how... I mean, I want to thank you, but I don't... wow, thanks. Thankee. Thankayou. You're nice. Real nice. I like you... N-not that I didn't like you before! But I mean, now that I-"

>It's alright. Good luck with the job.

"You too!... Wait, I mean, with YOUR job, not with my job. I mean the job I might get. Not the... I'm just gonna leave now, kay?"

>Come back anytime.

"Sure. Right. Do that. I will. I will do that, I mean. Kay. Bye. Nice day. B-bye!"

After she finally leaves.

>...Why can't they all be like that?

~~~~Elsewhere in Canterlot.~~~~~~~

-...You okay?-

[I... I don't know! I suddenly have the urge to scream out in anger, and hit things! As if all my hate has just bubbled to the surface, magically!]

-You should ask Applejack to see a doctor or something, that looks pretty serious, 12.-

[Why, so they can stab me? No thank you. I'll just wait till 42 gets back.]

-You think she's having fun with him?-

[Who?]

-Shining Armor. Do you think she's having fun with Shining Armor.-

[...Who the fuck is Shining Armor?]



_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________


>Sombra
"Luna"
'???'
~~~~~
"I felt your distress within the dreamscape, have you somehow-"

Luna finds herself amidst a burning Canterlot, blood and bodies line the streets and every sign of the horror of war could be witnessed except the actual fights which she could only hear

"Sombra? What is the meaning of this?"

>Moon Princess! Help!

Luna follows the source and finds Sombra in full armor and regalia, around him are pikes with the disembodied heads of the Princesses, Changelings, and Shining Armor

'You act high and mighty. That you support a system run by the people, that you believed Equestria needed to be ruled by ponies not gods, and yet this comes from one who made a grab for the power the gods.'

Luna is surprised to see a rather terrifying visage of Spike

>Princess, I beg you, end this nightmare!

'He says he believes in Republic, but when he had his own people? He bound them in geas, tortured them with nightmares that would last for years in their minds, he disappeared enemies of his state and hired the incompetents who could only function as sycophants'

>Yes! But it's different now! I'm different! I want to atone!

"Sombra! Listen to me, I cannot disspell this nightmare without your help! You must acknowledge this as part of you but not let it control you!"

'He's all about control! And atone? You think that any level of atonement can make up for the lives ended under your rule? What about how only recently you gave up your ambitions, not for a change of heart but because they were now impossible. What about wanting to see this?'

The nightmare ripped a head from the pikes and threw it into Sombra's lap. He wailed out in horror as he saw the look of betrayal in 2's eyes that persisted in death

>But it didn't happen!

"Sombra, you did, but it does not have to defy your existence, now or even then!"

'You are joking, right? His current existence is literally defined by his lingering anger, bitterness, and envy. He wanted to become like you and Celestia, HE wanted to be the elite few he curses, learning dark magic was simply his own desperate, pathetic attempt to ascend to godhood.'

>...

finally, Luna walks over and actually hugs the old king

"Take heart, We- I know this nightmare too well, Sombra."

Into Sombra's memories she feeds some of her own. Her fall as Nightmare Moon and redemption a thousand years later.

>I am truly vilesome, am I not?

"Nay, Sombra. You're just another person like us all. We're not perfect, we forget sometimes why we do what we do, and what we have to do. And sometimes, what we do becomes twisted, changed, and broken with time, to become something scary and unrecognizable."

Sombra stands up and approaches the nightmarish Spike, still holding the dream 2's head.

>I... I cannot deny it. I did want this. I wanted all of it because it burns me inside to know, despite the good fortune I was blessed with, that there would always be those above me. Those who looked down upon me for not being what they consider their equal. I wanted to topple everything they held dear to show them even their power was not so great compared to the determined.

Spike vanished, and in his place was another Sombra

>No matter how much I want to pretend that part of me never existed, if only so I do not lose what little I have left. nothing can changed that I am you and you are me.

At last, the dream fell away, leaving Sombra a wisp and Luna floating, both in the void of dreams

"Will you be alright, Sombra?"

>Not for a long time, but we will recover. Thank you, Princess.

"You are quite welcomed."

>Perhaps you may not be my current ideal of a ruler. But, whether we know or not, you are a great friend to your people.

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________


 >Celestia
"Cadence"
'18'
[Chrysalis]
-SA-
{AJ 2}
~Sombra~
~~~~~~

>Cadence!

"Oh, hello Auntie Celestia! What brings you down here?"

>Political stuff.

"Oh! Hold on oooone second. 18!"

'Yeah?'

"Tag out!"

With a snap, they switch places. Cadence walking into the hallway and a disguised 18 coming back from it.

'What's up?'

>It's about these trade negotiations, we think the price is a bit high.

'Oh. Hold on. Chrysalis!'

[Yeah?]

'Tag out!'

[Damn! My movie was just starting too!]

Thus Chrysalis, disguised as Cadence, replaced 18.

[What's it?]

>...The trade negotiations for the Crystal Sugar.

[That stuff's expensive to mine, we're not bringing tariff on that down.]

>Oh, come on! That gives my cakes a kick like you wouldn't believe! I need that sugar, but I'm going to bankrupt Canterlot at this rate!

[Nope. In fact, it was going to be way higher, but Shiny took control because he was worried I was being 'unmerciful' and 'cruel'. He's the one who can bring it down or not.]

>Convince him for me? Please?

[It's not that good anyway!]

>Chrysalis. You are wrong. It is the perfect blend of spicy and sweet and it is magical. You know how wrong you are? I would blow Shining Armor in the middle of this room for a lower price. It's that good.

[Fine. SHINY!]

*faint* -What?-

[TAG OUT!]

Thus, they switched places.

-Celestia! What's up?-

>...

-...Why are you looking at me like that?

>...

-You okay? You look conflicted. And your eye in on the verge of popping.-

>...Fine, bluff called, you win this round, Shining Armor!

-...What?-

>I'LL GET YOU NEXT TIME!

With a ominous laugh, she took off out the open window and into the sky.

-...I could question what the hell just happened, oooorrr.. TWO!-

{Yeah?}

-TAG!-

{YAAAAAY! Yer' it Somby!}

~GRRRRRAA!~

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________


 >Applejack
"Celestia"
~~~~~~~~

>Oh, buck you!

"That doesn't really work as an explicative-OW!"

>Ah' wasn't being cheeky!

"Applejack, that HURT! You kick like a steam powered mule!"

>Don't ya'll start being racist too!

"What?"

>Ya' gave Twi' Changelings to experiment on!?

"I didn't give anyone anything! I left a little sign up sheet with brownies for anyone who signed up."

>Ya' know most of 'em can't read!

"The dangers of illiteracy-OW! STOP KICKING ME!"

>NO! Bad Celestia!

"Fine, fine! I'll tell Twilight to stop."

>Good!

"...But if she doesn't make her anti-Changeling weapon, and they invade again, I'm blaming you-OW!"

>THAT'S MAH LINE!

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>Applejack
"AJ29"
~~~~~~~

*SLAM!*

>YOU!

"Darling, I told you. No. You are far, far too bland for me. It's just not meant to be."

>Ah' can't believe you!

"No need to be so upset, plenty more fish in the sea! Smaller, less shiny fish who can't transform into other, much more desirable fish, admittedly, but they're there. Because nobody else wants them."

>Ya' turned down a job?! REALLY!? Ah' break mah' back tryin' ta' get you lot employed, and when someone finally has tha' lack of sense ta' offer YOU of all Changelings a job, you say NO!?

"Which job are we talking about?"

>...there's been more than one?

"Oh yeah. I had masseuse, turns out my chitin works great for that and I think they wanted to sleep with me, there was also that one baker, because I can detect when food is properly cooked and I think they wanted to sleep with me, and finally the royal guard, I don't think they wanted to sleep with me but were just impressed I could get rocketed from the Empire and walked away unscratched. I mean, they might've, I didn't ask and was too busy laughing to read signals."

*POP!*

"...That looks painful."

>While Ah'm reignin' in that rage, I'll clarify. Meant the Mayor thing.

"Oh! That. Yeah, what happened was when I went out to her for a little favor, I got bored waiting for her so I organized her schedule. She sucks at her job... HAH! Innuendo. Love it. Anyhoo, she appreciated it and said she could use some help."

>She offered ta' make ya' a full time secretary!

"Ugh, I know! Could you imagine!? That would cut into my "Seduce royalty" time so much! I'm honestly insulted she ever off-GLK!"

*He's lifted off the ground, not held by magic but by a hoof that is, somehow, managing to choke him*

>Now ya'll listen here, you worthless, whiny, libido driven little insect. Ya'll are gonna go down ta' the mayors office, ya'll are gonna take that job, and you are gonna THANK HER! She ain't a good mayor, Ah' admit that. She never once handled a single crisis, and Winter Wrap Up was ALWAYS a disaster. But ya' know what? Ya'll are gonna help her fix that. Yer' gonna give it yer' best, work hard ta' make her more efficient, and you are gonna do somethin' RIGHT with yer' life FER ONCE! And iffin' Ah' hear ya'll are slackin' off, Ah' won't go down there. Ah'll send Spike, his gun, and a body bag. This is yer' ONE shot, ya' friggen bug monster, and you will do it right, UNDERSTOOD!?

"..."

>...

"...Can I still try to sleep with royals?"

>Yeah, sure. Anytime ya' ain't workin', go after whoever ya' please. Say yer' stupid pickup lines, get rejected, whatever. Just don't let me down. Ah' need just ONE of ya'll ta' actually succeed. Just one.

"...Oh, alright. I do suppose stealing food was getting a little tiresome."

>Gonna ignore that. Get yer' tail down ta' Ponyville.

"...You know, I think I was wrong."

>Bout what?

"You're not quite as bland as I thought. Say, do you have any particular... fantasies?"

>...Nevermind, Ah'll help ya'.

"Help me wha-"

If they were keeping score, she was sure the perfect toss from Canterlot to Ponyville would have been fifty points.


_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>AJ 29
"AJ 12"
'Changeling'
~~~~~~~

>HRM!

"Shut up."

>HRRMEM!

"Stop it."

>HRRRRM!

"I don't care."

>EEEMMMMHMHMHMH-

"FINE! ALRIGHT! WHAT'S THE MATTER!?"

>Well, since you asked-

"Hate"

>-It has just been the worst week ever for me!

"What, realize the crushing futility of life like the rest of us?"

>Worse! I have to wake up before noon!

"...Why?"

>Oh, this stupid position at the mayors office. I'm a... UGH! I'm a secretary!

"...What."

>Oh, it's terrible! I have to write up little schedules, take down notes, and occasionally even talk to someone to make an appointment! I'm doing work at LEAST two hours every day!

"...What."

>I mean, sure, the pay is nice, it's actually pretty large with some nice benefits, but it's not what I was BORN to do, you know? That is royalty, by the way. I was born to do royalty. In lots of ways. Sexual ways.

"...what."

>Instead, all I get is that blasted Mayor! I wish she would offer just a little less frequently, you know? You know how annoying it is to have someone pester you for sex so much?

"...wha..."

>It's the worst possible thing, I just don't know how such tragedy could ever befall me. WOE! Woe is the one who works his poor hooficure to the bone! With every stroke of my pen it is as if a stoke of a blade is rent across my heart! WOE IS ME!

"...H-how much is your pay, again?"

>Hmm? Oh, see for youself. I have my paycheck right here.

"..."

>...Well? Aren't you going to comfort me?

".....AHHHHHHHHHHHH-"

*THUMP!*

>...Uh, hello? Changeling who's name I do not know? You alright?

'I think you killed him.'

>Oh, what a tragedy! WHAT HORROR! Now who will hear of my woes!

'I'm right here, you know.'

>Hm? Did you say something? Oh, look, foam is coming out. That means alive! Crisis averted. Now, as I was saying, WOE AND REGRET UPON ME!


_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>Applejack
'Celestia'
*Luna*
-Chrysalis-
[Cadence]
~~~~~
A "Princess" meeting lets, Applejack is actually smiling when she runs into Cadence, Celestia, Luna, and Chrysalis

>Whoa, there ya'll are!

'Yeah, sorry we're late, we stopped at a spa Cadence found. Not my usual but-

>Uhh, girls, meetin's over.

[Oh! well good job, everyone!]

*Preposterous! We were not even in attendance the whole time!*

>Ah know, but Spike offered to fill in for Celestia an' you, 18 representin' Cadence an' tha Empire, 42 in charge o' tha changelin's,' an' Twi representin' Flutters, Rarity, an' herself. We made some great headway. Here's a summary o' what went on.

[So... have we lost control of our lives?]

'Pretty much.'

*Fair to say*

-Well, 'hah!' I say to both of you! My girls are controlling half of this whole continent!-

*But their competency with their jobs mean you are nothing more than a vestigial figurehead.*

-... I think we all need a drink-

*We concur*

'Very much'

[Can we get white chocolate liquor?]


_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>Cadence
"Chrysalis"
'42'
-18-
~~~~~~~

>UUUHHHGGG! Thank goodness for this hot tub.

"Oh, tubby, where would we be without you?"

'Lost and adrift, Majesty, lost and adrift.'

-In a sea of pain, rather than the soothing bubbles of relaxation.-

"Now if only it wasn't just us four."

>Do you have to bring that up every time?

"You kidding? I want to get Shiny in here, pose him with us four, get Applejack 10 and film it, then mail it to Celestia, then have 10 wait in the bushes and film her reaction. It would be amazing."

-ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME!?-

"What? I thought you'd be all for it."

-You remember APPLEJACK 10!? You haven't even had a line of dialog with her!-

"She kind of stands out."

-ARH!-

>Besides that, your idea is stupid. I love my aunt! I don't want to prank her like that.

"It ain't mutual."

>Oh please, my Auntie Celestia loves me!

"..."

-..-

'...So, how was everyone's weekend? Good? Mine was good. Snow monster got loose in the middle of the town square. Got to fight it. Sooo... good. Good good good. Lots of stuff going on.'

>...

'...It's been a good week.'

"Had it's ups and downs... this is the former."

>...

-Priceless.-


_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>Celestia
"SA"
'Applejack'
*Luna*
-Chrysalis-
[Cadence]
~~~~~~~~

~FOOOWSH!~

>Hey buuuuddddy!

"...M-my door. You... you vaporized it. It's gone. It's as if it had never been. Where once was door now is air."

'Awww, dun' be like that parnner! We'sh gesh ya a new door!'

*Shat ish a brillaint shugesshion, we nee a new door!*

-Buh where we gonna ge' a door!?-

[Wait, wait wait wait, folla me, ya' folin, me? Folla me. Sha door ish made o' cryshtal.}

>Yeeeeaahhh?

[Sha desh is made o' cryshal.]

'Uh huuuh.'

[...What if we puh um together!]

*...YER' SHTUPID!*

"Oh thank goodness-"

*BUT YER PLAN ISH AMAZING!*

Before he can react, five different magical pulls all grabbed hold of his desk, and shoved it where the door once was.

>YAY! WE DID IT!

-Thank ush wish shex!-

[No! He's mah hussyband! Er, husbaloo... he's da' pony I shex wish. He's godda shank ME wish shex!]

-Can ya share!?-

[....GASHP! AH CAN!]

>Ah' wanna get shanked wish shex too! Buh ish gotta be jush my moush stuff, or ah'll blow up dat cashle. Learned DAT da hard way.

'Ya'll 'er insane and dumb!'

"Thank you-"

'Ah' don' need no shex fer thanks! Shex is ish own thanks! Buh no' Shiny, he'sh no' shexy.'

*You filly's 'er dumb! Yer' not even in sheashon! Why would ya' wanna have shex?*

[Caush he's Shiny!]

Again, before he can react, she leaps into his lap.

[An he'sh sha besh at shex!]

-He ish!-

It seemed there was more room on his lap than anticipated.

>Ah'd like shome o' dat!

Also, his shoulder and most of his chest.

'Aww, we givin' Shiny hugs! OKAY! Shiny neesh shome hugs, he'sh sha besh prinsh!'

And his other shoulder and the rest of his chest.

[BESH PRINCH!]

-BESH PRUNCH!-

>BESH PRISSY!

*Yer' shtupid.*

"C-can't-BREATH!"

>...You shinkin' what Ah'm shinkin'?

[BRILLIANT!]

"W-what are you think-"

> - [ * ' BLARGH! - ] * '

"...You know what? We're gonna call that a new highscore.

> - [ * ' ZZZZZzzzzz - ] * '

"My everything hurts."


_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>Applejack
"AJ2"
~~~

>Well, this is a surprise.

"Ya' like it!?"

>O'course Ah' do, Two! But uh, iffin' ya' don't mind, why'd ya put streamers all over mah room?

"So we can celebrate!"

>How silly o' me. An' what're we celebratin'?

She shoved a piece of paper into Applejack's face, still excitedly bouncing up and down.

>...Adoption papers?

"Uh huh! Shiny and Caddy are my mommy and daddy in paper now! I was fine with regular, but paper's supposed ta' be extra special, for some reason. Isn't that cool!?"

>Heh, sure is! Why ya' celebratin' with me?

"I'm celebrating us being the same!"

>Beg pardon?

"Now we're BOTH princess Applejack! It's the best!"

>...Well, shoot! Yer' right, we are! Ain't that somethin'?

"Someday, I'm gonna be jus' like you! All princessy and cool... and Shiny'll be proud of me!"

>Aww, sug', Shiny's always proud o' you. You ain't gotta do anythin' special.

"But now he'll be even more proud of me!"

>Now that just ain't possible.

"You sure? Wasn't your mommy and daddy more proud of you when you got to be a princess?"

Applejack went quiet after that.

"...Applejack? You okay?"

>A-ah... Two, mah'... mah' folks ain't around no more. They didn't get ta' see me be a princess.

"...Oh..."

>N-now hey! Don't ya'll be gettin' all sad in the face, it's a big day for ya'! An' Shiny's right there ta' see it all. That's gotta make him happy too!

"...Applejack?"

>Yeah?

"You were right."

>Right bout what, Two?

A pair of Changeling arms wrapped around her neck.

"Your mommy and daddy couldn't get any prouder of you. They loved you the most already."

Tears began to drip onto her black, chitinous skin, but she payed them no mind. A pair of arms wrapped around her, and she gave them no thought. Some choked sobs reached her ears, and never did she care. Because she had something more important on her mind.

If her parents weren't here to tell Applejack how special she was, that's okay. She could do it for them.

She would have done it anyway.


_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>SA
"Chrysalis"
'Cadence'
~~~~~

'What the fuck!?'

"I have no regrets."

>She doesn't, I've seen the depths behind her eyes. It's mostly just a shallow pool with a big ol' frowny face in one corner and a laughing hyena in the other.

'GET OFF HIM!'

"Now, you see, I would love to do that. One tiiiiny little problem."

'...You don't mean...'

"Oh, no no no, thankfully that problem isn't tiny. We're kind of... stuck together. Glueish. My back is glued to his chest, is what I'm saying."

'...How.'

>Because she pulled that stupid "Oh Shiny, pour some suntan lotion on my back!" routine- Yes, I know we're indoors, we can get to specific flaws in a second- and ignored my repeated insistence that it was, actually, Tree Sap glue. Against all logic, she poured it on herself, apparently hoping that the mere sight of her with suntan lotion would be a huge turn on-

"IT TOTALLY IS!"

>-and then decided what I really wanted was a lap dance wherein she rubbed that 'sexy' suntan lotion all over my chest. Needless to say, it hardened quickly-not the thing she was hoping for, the glue- and here we are.

"And I would have gotten away with it too!"

>If not for what? What was standing in your way and preventing your master plan from unfolding besides common sense, logic, and basic literacy abilities?

"...Celestia? Can I blame her for this?"

'Honey? This is going to hurt you way more than it's going to hurt her.'

>I know. I know...

"You know, we could just stay like this. It'll be fun! I'll carry you around on my back, wear a little invisible cloak so ponies think you're flying, and eventually you rubbing up against those hills of glory is going to cause a reaction, and we'll be ready to go right away! It's perfect!"

'...On three-'

>Skip to one, I don't want another sec-

*RIIIIIIIIP~!*

'...Shiny? You okay?'

"...There is a lot of fur back there."

>...Everyone leave the room. The liquid pride is coming, and I have not the means to stop it.

"What, THAT got you going-"

>LEAVE!


_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>SA
"Cadence"
'Chrysalis'
-18-
[42]
{Guard}
"'Celestia"'
~~~~~

{Your majesty! What are you doing clear over here?}

"'Reconsidering an hasty decision regarding a certain someone."'

{Well, everyone is in the living area at the moment, but I wouldn't-}

A muffled scream cut him off. It's been a while, but her fighting nerves were a bit more on edge than usual. In seconds, Celestia was up against the door. She realized the guard was probably right behind her, so best course of action was to peer in and get an idea of what the situation was.

What she saw... was unexpected.

>Please calm down.

"No! Why are we watching this!?"

>Actually, I expected this from you, it's the others I'm confused about.

'FUCK YOU! FUCK ALL KINDS OF YOU! NOT FUN FUCK YOU! FUCK YOU-FUCK YOU!'

-It's in his Chitin! IT'S IN HIS CHITIN! AHHHH!-

[It'sjustamovieit'snotrealit'sjustamovieit'snotreal]

>Is it really that bad?

'FUCK YOU!'

-Something, living, IN YOUR CHITIN! Burrowing it's way out!-

[Andyoucan'tbreakitoutit'sinthereforeverFUCKFUCK]

"I just hate how everyone's hurting iiiit!"

'FUCK YOU IT NEEDS TO DIE!'

-I just wanted to cuddle up with Shiihihinyyyy!-

>Well, you're all certainly doing that. I can't see the screen.

[I'mawarriornofearIhavenofearnotevenIT'SINMYCHITINnofearnofear!]

>You know, I'll turn it off if whoever is pinning my arm down moves.

'NO! I WANT TO SEE IT DIE! IT HAS TO FUCKING DIE!'

-EEEEeheheheheeeee! Make it go awaaaay!-

[Magicshieldkeepsitoutjustkeepnexttomagicshieldanditcan'tgetinShinyhasashielditcan'tgetin]

"How much longer is this!?"

>Well, I can't see it of course, but I'm pretty sure the starting kill is done, and those are the opening credits rolling against that music.

'FUCKYOOOOU!'

Very, very slowly, Celestia closed the door, and decided to walk away. She could have a little talk later.


_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>Twilight
"Applejack2"
'Shining Armor'
~~~~~
"Auntie Twily!"

>Hey there! How's my favorite niece?

"Great! Shiny let me see a movie!"

>Really, which one was it?!

"It was... I don't remember the title. But it had this really cool lady who made me think of Shiny. And she used this big, yellow, robot thing to fight the badguy!"

*Pop*

>I... see... He let you see that. And you weren't scared?

"Nope! Because I knew that lady was like Shiny, and as long as someone like Shiny's around, everything will be okay!"

>Awww, that's sweet.

"So, auntie Twilight, can you build one of those yellow robots for Shiny?"

>I'll do you one better. I'll make one for you two, so you can protect shiny when he'll need it!

Muttered in low volumes

>like from me when I chew his head off over ignoring the parental guidelines on movie boxes...

"YAY!!!"

Later, that very same year (next Tuesday)

Wrrrrrr-shonk! Wrrrrr-shonk! Wrrrrr-shonk!

"Shiny! Look what auntie Twily made for us!"

'Holy...'


_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>Chrysalis
"Cadence"
'42'
~~~~~~

>What are you doing to my warrior!?

"Oh, hush."

'My Queen, I am merely standing in for her, she wants to see what the outfit would look like should she choose to purchase it.'

>...Oh! And you're okay with this?

"She's been okay with it for the last few weeks."

>Weeks?

'Yes, My Queen. She asked for assistance, and... is this a problem? I did not think you would mind.'

>...Nah, it's fine. Kind of funny watching YOU, not 18, dress up like Cadence. You look hilarious.

'...Thank you.'

>So, what, you girls just hang out like this?

"Oh, it's fun! We do lots of stuff. Shopping, Tennis, watching her beat up the guard, never get her hair done, though. Which is a shame. It's pretty unkept."

'I cannot remove my helmet, it is a symbol of my status.'

"She gives that excuse every time, I think it's just per-programmed so she can explain away her fear of the hairdryer."

'It looks like it'll eat your bra- I mean, don't be silly. I cannot remove my symbol of authority. That would be unwise.'

>...Pfft, whatever! If you ladies don't mind, I just stumbled upon what I believe to be an absolutely revolutionary new outfit! Modeled after my favorite character in Obliques and Ogres! Behold!

"...So there's where all my dental floss went."

>Jealous? You should be. I'm off to seduce your husband!

"Have fun with that."

>Oh, I will! MWAHAHAHA!

*She leaves*

"On a scale of one to fail, I rate that a solid perfect failure in progress."

'Y-you never know, she might succeed.'

*Snort* "Right, and I'm about to spontaneously split into two different Cadences and do a tap dance. Shiny would never, ever do something like that. He'd never hurt me if he could help it."

'Oh, of course. He loves you too much to ever even consider it. It's wrong of her to even try, really...'

"...Hey, 42?"

'Yeah?'

"You're a good friend."

'...You too, Cadence. You too.'


_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________