They Came Together (2014) EN

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So we have aisle seats, we have

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a couple of drinks, and
we get to the airport.

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Neither of us speaks a word of
Italian, by the way.

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So this guy thinks he'll be able to

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- find his luggage if he speaks Pig Latin.
- Ah.

6
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Yeah, that's right.
I said "Looking for bags."

7
00:00:47,213 --> 00:00:50,983
But it came out "Ook-in-lay
or-fay ags-bay."

8
00:00:52,185 --> 00:00:54,386
That is too funny.

9
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- I said "That's it. I'm never
leaving the country again." - Ugh!

10
00:00:57,157 --> 00:00:59,158
Joel can't even leave the
Upper West Side of Manhattan.

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That's true. For me,
the perfect vacation

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00:01:01,027 --> 00:01:04,463
is getting a cheese danish from Zabar's
and curling up with the Sunday Times.

13
00:01:05,699 --> 00:01:07,499
So do you still read The Times?

14
00:01:07,500 --> 00:01:09,101
Oh, boy. Kyle thinks The
Times has gone downhill.

15
00:01:09,102 --> 00:01:10,436
Now, I beg to differ.

16
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It's nothing but a
worthless yellow rag.

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We've been having this fight
since the day we met.

18
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- Well, it probably
seems that way. - Hmm.

19
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No, we literally met when
we were both on a panel

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at the Guggenheim debating the
merits of the New York Times.

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And I said, "Who is
this know-it-all girl?"

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And I thought, "Who
is this pompous guy?"

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Anyway, our heated discussion
continued over a bottle of merlot.

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Let's just say the discussing part
stopped, but the heated part continued.

25
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Okay.

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For better or worse, we've
been together ever since.

27
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Probably worse, right?

28
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Oh, definitely for
worse. It's awful.

29
00:01:47,574 --> 00:01:50,576
So, Joel, Molly,
how'd you two meet?

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00:01:50,577 --> 00:01:52,511
- Oh, boy. That's a long story.
- Yeah.

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00:01:52,512 --> 00:01:55,114
Oh, we've got time.
Waiter! More wine.

32
00:01:55,115 --> 00:01:58,017
Well, it's kind of a corny,
romantic comedy kind of story.

33
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- That's true. That is true.
- Really? How so?

34
00:02:01,021 --> 00:02:03,589
Well, Joel is kind of a typical
romantic comedy leading man.

35
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He's handsome, but in a
non-threatening way.

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00:02:05,692 --> 00:02:09,128
- Yeah, I can see that.
- Vaguely but not overtly Jewish.

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- You're right. He's just Jewish enough.
- And Molly is the kind of cute, klutzy

38
00:02:13,299 --> 00:02:15,401
girl that sometimes will
drive you a little crazy,

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but you can't help but
fall in love with her.

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Guilty.

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- Okay. So we have our main characters.
- Not quite.

42
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There is another character that was
just as important as the two of us.

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- Mmm.
- New York City.

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Ah! Mmm.

45
00:02:28,114 --> 00:02:30,714
So New York City is
like another character?

46
00:02:30,715 --> 00:02:31,583
Yeah.

47
00:02:31,584 --> 00:02:35,254
So if there was a movie
about your relationship,

48
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it would probably start with aerial
shots of the Manhattan skyline.

49
00:02:38,324 --> 00:02:40,059
Exactly.

50
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I was living in a loft
on Broadway and 86th Street,

51
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and I had a girlfriend at the time, Tiffany.
She worked in the fashion industry.

52
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Very put together. Never
had a hair out of place.

53
00:02:59,379 --> 00:03:01,747
But there was something
cold about her.

54
00:03:01,748 --> 00:03:03,082
Hey, you.

55
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Hey.

56
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I love you.

57
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Mmm, and I admire your spirit.

58
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Thanks.

59
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And I was just
getting over a break-up,

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so the closest thing I had to a
boyfriend was my dog, Charlie.

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Hey, handsome!

62
00:03:21,301 --> 00:03:23,335
I wasn't all put
together like Tiffany.

63
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In fact, as Joel said
earlier, I was a real klutz.

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Klutz is the
understatement of the century.

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Oh, no!

66
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Oh, no!

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00:04:04,910 --> 00:04:06,644
Oh!

68
00:04:07,746 --> 00:04:09,613
Ugh!

69
00:04:12,618 --> 00:04:15,487
See, New York is such an
important part of our lives,

70
00:04:15,488 --> 00:04:17,355
it's almost like another
character in our story.

71
00:04:17,356 --> 00:04:18,591
Right. You said that.

72
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I really didn't feel like
I needed a love life, you know?

73
00:04:21,327 --> 00:04:23,729
In fact, New York City was
almost like a boyfriend to me.

74
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Oh, right.

75
00:04:25,398 --> 00:04:27,332
- That is so good.
- Very good.

76
00:04:27,333 --> 00:04:29,700
That's very good. That's very cool.

77
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Most importantly, I had my
little candy shop, Upper Sweet Side.

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00:04:42,649 --> 00:04:44,750
I was living my dream, of
owning a shop that was

79
00:04:44,751 --> 00:04:48,420
charming and adorable, and
impossible not to like.

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00:04:48,421 --> 00:04:52,491
You guys have not lived until you've
tried my Creamy Caramel Clusters.

81
00:04:52,492 --> 00:04:54,793
They're better than sex!

82
00:04:54,794 --> 00:04:56,728
When you've been married
as long as we have,

83
00:04:56,729 --> 00:04:59,565
taking a stinky shit is better than
having sex.

84
00:04:59,566 --> 00:05:01,733
Only in New York, right?

85
00:05:01,734 --> 00:05:04,269
Anyway, I was in no
rush to meet someone new.

86
00:05:04,270 --> 00:05:07,839
I was mainly concerned about
trying to keep my business afloat.

87
00:05:07,840 --> 00:05:10,742
So many mom and pop
shops being elbowed out

88
00:05:10,743 --> 00:05:14,044
by faceless evil
conglomerates like CSR.

89
00:05:14,880 --> 00:05:17,716
- Wait a minute.
- That's right.

90
00:05:17,717 --> 00:05:20,319
I was an executive at Candy
Systems and Research.

91
00:05:20,320 --> 00:05:24,489
I was the bad guy! I didn't think
of myself as a corporate raider.

92
00:05:24,490 --> 00:05:26,992
I thought of myself as a
nice guy with a great job.

93
00:05:26,993 --> 00:05:30,662
So he went down on me, and I
came in one second.

94
00:05:30,663 --> 00:05:32,397
Morning, Melanie.

95
00:05:32,398 --> 00:05:34,399
Oh, my boss is here. I'll
call you later. Bye, Dad.

96
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I had everything
there, corner office,

97
00:05:36,369 --> 00:05:38,570
the expense account,
the sexy girlfriend.

98
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I felt like I was ready
to take the next step.

99
00:05:40,506 --> 00:05:43,575
- Bob, my best friend!
- Joel, my best buddy!

100
00:05:43,576 --> 00:05:48,247
Guess what? After years of dating
Tiffany, I'm finally popping the question.

101
00:05:48,248 --> 00:05:50,782
Wow. So I guess you're finally dealing
with those commitment issues you have.

102
00:05:50,783 --> 00:05:52,651
Yeah, I even bought her
a ring and everything.

103
00:05:52,652 --> 00:05:56,455
Amazing. Because until now the only
thing you've been willing to commit to

104
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are your commitment issues.

105
00:06:02,027 --> 00:06:03,495
It's true.

106
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- I'm happy for you, buddy.
- Thanks, man.

107
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Hey, catch!

108
00:06:07,934 --> 00:06:09,334
He's got it!

109
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- He's got a football!
- Think quick!

110
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- Boom! Boom!
- Right there! Down and out, buttonhook!

111
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Go deep! Go deeper!

112
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Holy shit, Bob!

113
00:06:18,911 --> 00:06:20,679
Joel! Oh, God!

114
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- Grab my hand!
- Pull me up!

115
00:06:23,783 --> 00:06:25,450
- Grab my hand!
- Hey, Joel.

116
00:06:25,451 --> 00:06:26,785
Joel?

117
00:06:26,786 --> 00:06:28,053
What do you want, Trevor?

118
00:06:28,054 --> 00:06:31,054
Congrats on snaggin' the
Dickricker account.

119
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Yeah, right. Sure.

120
00:06:32,625 --> 00:06:34,860
You ready for the big
meeting with Roland?

121
00:06:34,861 --> 00:06:37,963
I'd hate for you guys to screw everything
up again, like you did last time.

122
00:06:37,964 --> 00:06:43,367
So now I'm in line for the big promotion.
Not you. Pretty funny, huh?

123
00:06:44,603 --> 00:06:47,372
- Joel? A little help here, buddy.
- Oh, Joel...

124
00:06:47,373 --> 00:06:49,741
Is your girlfriend
Tiffany home right now?

125
00:06:49,742 --> 00:06:51,775
Yeah, she should be. Why?

126
00:06:54,546 --> 00:06:56,180
No reason.

127
00:06:57,082 --> 00:06:58,583
What the...

128
00:06:58,584 --> 00:07:01,420
Sounds like this Trevor guy's trying
to get it on with your girlfriend.

129
00:07:01,421 --> 00:07:04,589
Well, in retrospect, I agree with you, but
at the time it seemed like he was just

130
00:07:04,590 --> 00:07:08,392
grabbing a condom out of the rubber bowl
and headin' over to meet my girlfriend.

131
00:07:17,035 --> 00:07:20,972
So, as you all know, we
begin construction today

132
00:07:20,973 --> 00:07:25,811
on our next Candy Systems
and Research Superstore.

133
00:07:25,812 --> 00:07:29,047
First order of business, to
suss out the competition.

134
00:07:29,048 --> 00:07:32,983
Are there any other nearby
candy stores we need to

135
00:07:34,353 --> 00:07:36,888
"know about"?

136
00:07:36,889 --> 00:07:39,991
The only one we could find
is just this really small

137
00:07:39,992 --> 00:07:42,728
quirky candy shop across the
street from our location.

138
00:07:42,729 --> 00:07:47,933
- It's called Upper Sweet Side, NYC.
- Kind of a dumb name for a store, huh?

139
00:07:55,674 --> 00:07:58,443
That's so stupid.

140
00:07:58,444 --> 00:08:01,945
- No, I think it's kind of clever. I like it.
- What was that, Joel?

141
00:08:02,714 --> 00:08:04,583
Nothing, sir.

142
00:08:04,584 --> 00:08:10,220
That'll be $100,000 dollars.
I'm just kidding. It's all free.

143
00:08:12,557 --> 00:08:15,527
Oh, I love my little shop, Wanda.

144
00:08:15,528 --> 00:08:18,697
It's what I've always dreamed of,
ever since I was a little girl.

145
00:08:18,698 --> 00:08:22,667
And it's never going anywhere.
Nothing is ever going to threaten it.

146
00:08:22,668 --> 00:08:24,603
- Oh, no.
- What?

147
00:08:24,604 --> 00:08:26,838
They're building a Candy Systems
and Research Superstore

148
00:08:26,839 --> 00:08:29,074
directly across the street from us.

149
00:08:29,075 --> 00:08:32,511
Oh, my God! They'll
put us out of business!

150
00:08:32,512 --> 00:08:36,615
Discovering this information
is a huge turn of events.

151
00:08:36,616 --> 00:08:39,751
You weren't kidding. Your story
really is like a corny movie.

152
00:08:39,752 --> 00:08:43,353
I know. The only difference is it's
not a movie. It's our real life.

153
00:08:44,823 --> 00:08:49,060
So with a Superstore going up across the
street, I went to go see my accountant.

154
00:08:49,061 --> 00:08:50,962
- Hi, Molly.
- Hi, Mr. Flaps.

155
00:08:50,963 --> 00:08:55,066
- Oh, Please. My friends call me Eggbert.
- Then they must not be very good friends.

156
00:08:55,067 --> 00:08:58,170
No, that's just my name.
Eggbert. Or Eggman, for short.

157
00:08:58,171 --> 00:09:01,907
I know. It's kind of a lame
name, but what can you do?

158
00:09:01,908 --> 00:09:04,509
How about we take a
gander at those documentos?

159
00:09:04,510 --> 00:09:06,590
- Yes, please.
- Right.

160
00:09:10,615 --> 00:09:13,951
So, Molly, how is your love life?

161
00:09:15,487 --> 00:09:17,022
You livin' la vida loca?

162
00:09:17,023 --> 00:09:20,091
Um, well, not really,
Eggman. I'm guessing

163
00:09:20,092 --> 00:09:22,093
you heard that Frank and
I finally broke up.

164
00:09:22,094 --> 00:09:24,062
I did hear. Yeah.

165
00:09:24,063 --> 00:09:26,064
I heard about your
divorce. I'm sorry.

166
00:09:26,065 --> 00:09:28,733
Apology accepted.

167
00:09:28,734 --> 00:09:30,569
- I...
- It's just one of those things.

168
00:09:30,570 --> 00:09:32,904
We wanted different things.

169
00:09:32,905 --> 00:09:36,007
I wanted a family, settle
down, start a life together.

170
00:09:36,008 --> 00:09:37,742
- And what did she want?
- Who can say?

171
00:09:37,743 --> 00:09:39,478
I guess you'd have
to ask my brother.

172
00:09:39,479 --> 00:09:41,144
Oh.

173
00:09:45,617 --> 00:09:48,520
- Is he here? Can I ask him?
- Yes. Keith.

174
00:09:48,521 --> 00:09:50,622
- You have a second?
- What's up?

175
00:09:50,623 --> 00:09:52,724
Hey, Keith. I was just wondering,

176
00:09:52,725 --> 00:09:55,260
what did Hillary want that was
different than what Eggbert wanted?

177
00:09:55,261 --> 00:09:57,496
Uh, she just wanted to
travel more, she wanted

178
00:09:57,497 --> 00:09:59,231
to focus on her
photo-journalism career.

179
00:09:59,232 --> 00:10:01,032
And marriage just wasn't
conducive to that.

180
00:10:01,033 --> 00:10:03,602
- Thanks, Keith.
- Thanks, Keith.

181
00:10:03,603 --> 00:10:07,105
Listen, I am lookin'
over these numbers,

182
00:10:07,106 --> 00:10:09,673
and just goin' off this data...

183
00:10:11,042 --> 00:10:13,512
- You have breast cancer.
- What?

184
00:10:13,513 --> 00:10:14,679
Corporately speaking.

185
00:10:14,680 --> 00:10:16,915
Oh. Oh.

186
00:10:16,916 --> 00:10:20,118
Your business has, at
best, six months to live.

187
00:10:20,119 --> 00:10:23,387
- Oh, my God, are you serious?
- See for yourself.

188
00:10:24,789 --> 00:10:26,758
Wow. You are serious.

189
00:10:26,759 --> 00:10:30,562
Listen, Molly, would this
be an awkward time to

190
00:10:30,563 --> 00:10:34,798
ask if maybe you'd like to
go out with me sometime?

191
00:10:34,799 --> 00:10:37,002
Um...

192
00:10:37,003 --> 00:10:39,237
Don't answer. Just think about it.

193
00:10:39,238 --> 00:10:43,240
That's very sweet of you, Eggfart, but I
think I'm just gonna focus on me for now.

194
00:10:44,776 --> 00:10:48,111
Totally. You've gotta take
time for yourself, you know.

195
00:10:50,949 --> 00:10:54,853
- I think maybe I should go...
- No, please. I think I'm gonna go...

196
00:10:54,854 --> 00:10:56,575
- Oh, you're gonna go?
- Yeah.

197
00:10:57,989 --> 00:11:00,959
Before I proposed to Tiffany,
I wanted to run it by my buddies

198
00:11:00,960 --> 00:11:05,196
that I play ball with at the local
playground. They always tell it like it is.

199
00:11:05,197 --> 00:11:06,932
Basketball,
basketball, basketball...

200
00:11:06,933 --> 00:11:08,700
Hey, guys. Looks like
our buddy Joel here

201
00:11:08,701 --> 00:11:10,068
is finally gettin' ready
to pop the question.

202
00:11:10,069 --> 00:11:11,504
Pretty great, right?

203
00:11:11,505 --> 00:11:14,673
Hey, don't ask me. I can hardly commit
to a second date half the time.

204
00:11:14,674 --> 00:11:16,514
If you know what I mean! Watch out!

205
00:11:17,042 --> 00:11:18,743
Swish!

206
00:11:18,744 --> 00:11:21,079
I think love is really
abstract, you know?

207
00:11:21,080 --> 00:11:24,983
It's like a summer breeze. You
can't see it, but you can feel it.

208
00:11:26,953 --> 00:11:29,955
Mr. Poet. Look at you, always
with your head in the clouds.

209
00:11:29,956 --> 00:11:32,724
Gloves make a poor present
for a man with no hands.

210
00:11:32,725 --> 00:11:34,259
Okay, that's enough.

211
00:11:34,260 --> 00:11:35,827
Come on. Are you guys kiddin' me?

212
00:11:35,828 --> 00:11:37,629
The point of love is to get laid,

213
00:11:37,630 --> 00:11:39,331
if you catch my meaning.

214
00:11:39,332 --> 00:11:42,300
And I'm talkin' about sexual
intercourse. Two points!

215
00:11:42,301 --> 00:11:43,835
Swish!

216
00:11:43,836 --> 00:11:45,770
Do not listen to
Mr. Chronically-single-

217
00:11:45,771 --> 00:11:47,772
always-dating-some-new-
hot-chick guy!

218
00:11:47,773 --> 00:11:50,709
Being married is great. That's
the point of view I represent.

219
00:11:50,710 --> 00:11:52,611
Deb and I have been
married for eight years,

220
00:11:52,612 --> 00:11:54,853
and it's better now
than when we first met.

221
00:11:55,213 --> 00:11:56,848
Swish!

222
00:11:56,849 --> 00:11:58,283
Oh, okay, Mr. Has-to-go-home-early-

223
00:11:58,284 --> 00:11:59,951
'cause-he-can't-hang-out-
with-the-boys-

224
00:11:59,952 --> 00:12:01,086
'cause-he's-gotta-
spend-time-with-his-wife guy.

225
00:12:01,087 --> 00:12:02,954
Yeah, that's right.

226
00:12:02,955 --> 00:12:05,890
You get it now, Mr. Combines-traits-
that-each-of-us-represents-

227
00:12:05,891 --> 00:12:07,258
and-all-you-need-to-do-
is-put-it-all-together

228
00:12:07,259 --> 00:12:10,028
-and-you'll-be-just-fine guy?

229
00:12:10,029 --> 00:12:14,197
You know what? You guys make a lot
of sense. I'm gonna go propose.

230
00:12:15,867 --> 00:12:17,035
Swish!

231
00:12:17,036 --> 00:12:18,735
Hey, wait!

232
00:12:20,105 --> 00:12:21,805
Thanks, guys.

233
00:12:30,281 --> 00:12:31,782
Hello?

234
00:12:33,418 --> 00:12:35,085
Tiffany?

235
00:12:38,089 --> 00:12:40,258
Hello?

236
00:12:43,862 --> 00:12:45,829
Hello?

237
00:12:46,364 --> 00:12:48,199
Tiffany?

238
00:12:51,770 --> 00:12:53,670
Hello?

239
00:12:57,909 --> 00:12:59,509
Tiffany?

240
00:13:04,015 --> 00:13:06,284
Hello?

241
00:13:07,953 --> 00:13:09,821
Ah! Tiffany?

242
00:13:09,822 --> 00:13:11,990
Uh...

243
00:13:11,991 --> 00:13:14,793
I've been thinking a lot
about our relationship.

244
00:13:17,029 --> 00:13:19,064
Oh, like that. And

245
00:13:19,065 --> 00:13:23,234
I think we have hit that point where
it's time to talk about the next step.

246
00:13:23,235 --> 00:13:25,036
Oh, God! Oh, God!

247
00:13:25,037 --> 00:13:26,803
A little nervous.

248
00:13:28,440 --> 00:13:33,343
Tiffany Amber Thigpen,
will you marry me?

249
00:13:34,112 --> 00:13:36,047
- Joel?
- Tiffany?

250
00:13:36,048 --> 00:13:38,116
- Hey, Joel.
- Trevor?

251
00:13:38,117 --> 00:13:41,753
Joel, I've been having an affair
with Trevor for over a year now.

252
00:13:41,754 --> 00:13:43,755
How could you do this to me?

253
00:13:43,756 --> 00:13:46,458
Look, I didn't want you to find
out like this. I can explain.

254
00:13:46,459 --> 00:13:48,658
It's not what it looks like.

255
00:13:49,194 --> 00:13:50,829
Wait! Joel!

256
00:13:50,830 --> 00:13:52,529
Shit!

257
00:14:08,913 --> 00:14:10,547
Taxi!

258
00:14:18,857 --> 00:14:21,177
Hey, give me another one.
And make it a double.

259
00:14:24,896 --> 00:14:28,133
- You look like you've had a bad day.
- Yeah. Tell me about it.

260
00:14:28,134 --> 00:14:31,136
Well, you came in here looking like
crap, and you haven't said very much.

261
00:14:31,137 --> 00:14:32,470
You can say that again.

262
00:14:32,471 --> 00:14:35,940
Well, you came in here looking like
crap, and you haven't said very much.

263
00:14:35,941 --> 00:14:37,809
Tell me about it.

264
00:14:37,810 --> 00:14:41,146
Well, you came in here looking like
crap, and you haven't said very much.

265
00:14:41,147 --> 00:14:42,480
Yeah, you can say that again.

266
00:14:42,481 --> 00:14:46,017
Well, you came in here looking like
crap, and you haven't said very much.

267
00:14:46,018 --> 00:14:47,519
Tell me about it.

268
00:14:47,520 --> 00:14:51,222
Well, you came in here looking like
crap, and you haven't said very much.

269
00:14:51,223 --> 00:14:52,557
Yeah, you can say that again.

270
00:14:52,558 --> 00:14:56,261
Well, you came in here looking like
crap, and you haven't said very much.

271
00:14:56,262 --> 00:14:57,796
Tell me about it.

272
00:14:57,797 --> 00:15:01,332
Well, you came in here looking like
crap, and you haven't said very much.

273
00:15:01,333 --> 00:15:02,901
Yeah, you can say that again.

274
00:15:02,902 --> 00:15:06,204
Well, you came in here looking like
crap, and you haven't said very much.

275
00:15:06,205 --> 00:15:07,572
Tell me about it.

276
00:15:07,573 --> 00:15:09,908
Well, you came in here
looking like...

277
00:15:09,909 --> 00:15:13,845
Okay. We get the point.
So what happened next?

278
00:15:13,846 --> 00:15:16,014
I was just devastated.
So the next morning

279
00:15:16,015 --> 00:15:19,083
I went for a jog with my
crazy younger brother, Jake.

280
00:15:19,084 --> 00:15:21,920
Huge bummer about Tiffany,
bro'. If you're really hurting

281
00:15:21,921 --> 00:15:24,923
I can stay at your place for a few more
months, just to make sure you're okay.

282
00:15:24,924 --> 00:15:28,259
Little brother, when are you gonna
get your act together and get a job?

283
00:15:28,260 --> 00:15:31,529
I do have a job. I'm the President
and CEO of The Bacon Boot.

284
00:15:31,530 --> 00:15:35,066
We're the fastest-growing edible boot
company in the whole entire country!

285
00:15:35,067 --> 00:15:37,836
Your Bacon Boot company
consists of you

286
00:15:37,837 --> 00:15:40,939
and the business cards you printed
up, funded by yours truly.

287
00:15:40,940 --> 00:15:44,475
Aw, for Pete's sake! Why are you always
tryin' to shoot me down, big brother?

288
00:15:44,476 --> 00:15:46,911
Look, I've gotta start
somewhere, don't I?

289
00:15:46,912 --> 00:15:49,113
Hey, look, it's okay to dream big,

290
00:15:49,114 --> 00:15:50,481
but dreams aren't gonna
put cash in your pocket.

291
00:15:50,482 --> 00:15:52,483
- Yes, but big brother...
- Hey, no "buts."

292
00:15:52,484 --> 00:15:55,320
Look, I have a dream, too. I
want to open my own coffee shop.

293
00:15:55,321 --> 00:15:58,521
But at least I understand that
money doesn't grow on trees.

294
00:15:59,224 --> 00:16:01,259
What...

295
00:16:01,260 --> 00:16:04,861
It's not always so easy when
your big brother is Mr. Perfect.

296
00:16:05,597 --> 00:16:08,900
Hey, wait up, would you?

297
00:16:08,901 --> 00:16:10,268
Joel, you're not gonna like this.

298
00:16:10,269 --> 00:16:12,570
Roland gave Trevor the
Dickricker account.

299
00:16:12,571 --> 00:16:16,207
And now you're the point person on
that new candy Superstore venture.

300
00:16:16,208 --> 00:16:20,245
That rat! First he steals my girlfriend,
then he steals the Dickricker account!

301
00:16:20,246 --> 00:16:23,581
Oh, hey, Joel. Sorry about
the Dickricker account.

302
00:16:23,582 --> 00:16:26,417
Looks like you won't be getting that
promotion after all.

303
00:16:26,418 --> 00:16:28,386
Why don't you just
take a jerk, you hike!

304
00:16:28,387 --> 00:16:31,389
Oh, and Tiffany wanted me to
say hi. We live together now.

305
00:16:31,390 --> 00:16:33,358
She really said hi?

306
00:16:33,359 --> 00:16:36,027
What she actually said was,
"Oh, God, Trevor, don't stop.

307
00:16:36,028 --> 00:16:37,962
"Your dick is so fat and
greasy and amazing."

308
00:16:37,963 --> 00:16:39,931
"Greasy and amazing," and
then he went on to say,

309
00:16:39,932 --> 00:16:42,433
"Trevor, you have such
a hot, throbbing cock"

310
00:16:42,434 --> 00:16:43,766
"and I want to get all
juicy on your cock."

311
00:16:43,767 --> 00:16:46,037
Okay. So when is the part
where the two of you meet?

312
00:16:46,038 --> 00:16:48,606
Ah, right. That was the
same day that I got

313
00:16:48,607 --> 00:16:50,975
a phone call from my best friend, Brenda.

314
00:16:50,976 --> 00:16:52,377
- Hello?
- Hi, Molly.

315
00:16:52,378 --> 00:16:56,314
I just wanted to tell you that Bob and I
are having a Halloween party on Saturday,

316
00:16:56,315 --> 00:17:00,018
and the fun part is, Bob's inviting a
friend of his who's the Triple Crown,

317
00:17:00,019 --> 00:17:02,654
he's straight, single and cute.
You should totally come.

318
00:17:02,655 --> 00:17:06,357
Plus Brenda's bringing a friend who's
apparently very cute and very single.

319
00:17:06,358 --> 00:17:09,460
I don't know, Bob. I'll
tell you, Halloween scares me.

320
00:17:09,461 --> 00:17:12,130
Ghosts I'm fine with, ghouls
and goblins, not so much.

321
00:17:12,131 --> 00:17:14,198
You're full of it, buddy.
I'll see you at the party.

322
00:17:14,199 --> 00:17:18,102
All right. Look, Bob.
Here's the real truth.

323
00:17:18,103 --> 00:17:21,706
About three years ago, I was attacked
by a group of trick-or-treat-ers.

324
00:17:21,707 --> 00:17:24,342
About 30 of them.

325
00:17:24,343 --> 00:17:27,944
They pinned me down, and they said,

326
00:17:31,182 --> 00:17:35,518
"Dick or teat?" It was obviously a
play on, you know, "Trick or treat?"

327
00:17:36,054 --> 00:17:37,722
Yeah.

328
00:17:37,723 --> 00:17:40,324
They made me choose between
their dicks and their teats.

329
00:17:40,358 --> 00:17:42,260
It was awful.

330
00:17:42,261 --> 00:17:46,197
Joel, I know that. It was all
over the news that year.

331
00:17:46,198 --> 00:17:48,865
But come on, man. You've
gotta get over it, buddy.

332
00:17:50,668 --> 00:17:52,369
Let me think about it, okay?

333
00:17:52,704 --> 00:17:54,072
Yeah.

334
00:17:57,642 --> 00:18:00,111
It's Halloween, Joel. Why
don't you go to that party?

335
00:18:00,112 --> 00:18:02,313
I'm just not into the whole
"Halloween costume" thing.

336
00:18:02,314 --> 00:18:04,048
You know, I mean, what's the point?

337
00:18:04,049 --> 00:18:05,984
You go to a party, people
say, "Who are you?"

338
00:18:05,985 --> 00:18:08,551
I say, "I'm Ben Franklin,"
and they say, "Great!"

339
00:18:09,354 --> 00:18:11,322
And then you're you again.

340
00:18:11,323 --> 00:18:14,325
Except now I've got knickers
and a bald cap. And for what?

341
00:18:14,326 --> 00:18:18,428
- Because it's fun, Joel.
- Forget it. I'm not going.

342
00:18:19,998 --> 00:18:23,034
I don't know, Wanda. I just don't
think I can go to that Halloween party.

343
00:18:23,035 --> 00:18:26,504
And what if I see Frank?
And Mia, the yoga teacher?

344
00:18:26,505 --> 00:18:29,107
You can't let stupid old
Frank run your life.

345
00:18:29,108 --> 00:18:31,576
You've gotta go to that party
and you gotta be fierce!

346
00:18:31,577 --> 00:18:34,312
But even if I wanted to go to the
party, I don't have a costume.

347
00:18:34,313 --> 00:18:36,714
Well, guess what? You do now,

348
00:18:36,715 --> 00:18:38,082
because you can have my costume.

349
00:18:39,218 --> 00:18:41,252
Oh, my God, Wanda! Thank you!

350
00:18:41,253 --> 00:18:43,686
No. Thank you.

351
00:18:44,222 --> 00:18:46,424
You're welcome.

352
00:18:46,425 --> 00:18:49,058
Now, get out of here!
I got a party to go to!

353
00:18:52,296 --> 00:18:53,863
Wait!

354
00:18:54,499 --> 00:18:56,032
Thanks.

355
00:18:57,735 --> 00:18:59,202
Wait!

356
00:19:00,571 --> 00:19:02,038
Shit.

357
00:19:23,327 --> 00:19:24,328
My bobbing apples!

358
00:19:24,329 --> 00:19:26,731
My party tomatoes!

359
00:19:26,732 --> 00:19:28,332
Watch where you're going!

360
00:19:28,333 --> 00:19:30,134
Like it was my fault!

361
00:19:30,135 --> 00:19:32,136
Yeah, well, I didn't
run into myself.

362
00:19:32,137 --> 00:19:33,837
Wow. You're rude.

363
00:19:34,372 --> 00:19:35,673
You're a jerk.

364
00:19:35,674 --> 00:19:38,242
Look Mister Thang,
you bumped into me.

365
00:19:38,243 --> 00:19:40,378
- Hardly.
- Oh, please!

366
00:19:40,379 --> 00:19:42,613
You're so lucky that I am
late for a party right now

367
00:19:42,614 --> 00:19:44,715
where my friends are gonna introduce
me to an exciting new woman!

368
00:19:44,716 --> 00:19:46,684
Let me tell you something.
I'm about to go to a party

369
00:19:46,685 --> 00:19:50,121
where I'm gonna meet an exciting
new guy! So see you later.

370
00:19:50,122 --> 00:19:52,021
Yeah, see you never!

371
00:19:53,157 --> 00:19:56,761
- Well, I'm going this way, so see you later!
- I'll see you later. I'm going this way.

372
00:19:59,297 --> 00:20:01,532
Oh, great! Your party is in
the same building as mine.

373
00:20:01,533 --> 00:20:03,701
Well, luckily, we will be
separating momentarily

374
00:20:03,702 --> 00:20:07,805
- when we go to our different parties.
- Luckily, yes.

375
00:20:07,806 --> 00:20:11,309
Oh, Great. Looks like our parties
are on the same floor, too.

376
00:20:11,310 --> 00:20:13,244
Talk about bad luck.

377
00:20:20,451 --> 00:20:22,819
Oh, God damn it!

378
00:20:24,556 --> 00:20:26,657
Joel! Molly!

379
00:20:26,658 --> 00:20:28,526
- They came together.
- Oh.

380
00:20:28,527 --> 00:20:30,194
No, we didn't.

381
00:20:30,195 --> 00:20:31,661
Nice. Come on.

382
00:20:44,842 --> 00:20:46,744
So, I guess you guys
already met, huh?

383
00:20:46,745 --> 00:20:48,613
Unfortunately, yes.

384
00:20:48,614 --> 00:20:50,847
To my great chagrin.

385
00:20:52,183 --> 00:20:55,151
Chagrin? Who even says that?

386
00:20:55,753 --> 00:20:57,155
Uh, Roland!

387
00:20:58,757 --> 00:21:01,359
- Hello, man.
- Oh. How did you know?

388
00:21:01,360 --> 00:21:02,693
Great costume!

389
00:21:02,694 --> 00:21:04,195
Thanks. Yours, too.

390
00:21:04,196 --> 00:21:05,730
Vampires.

391
00:21:05,731 --> 00:21:07,665
Where's the bathroom?

392
00:21:07,666 --> 00:21:10,268
Oh, yeah. Straight through
that door on the right.

393
00:21:10,269 --> 00:21:13,903
- Yeah. I think I ate something weird.
- Don't worry.

394
00:21:30,355 --> 00:21:32,288
Who designed these stupid things?

395
00:21:33,691 --> 00:21:37,862
No, no, no, no...

396
00:21:37,863 --> 00:21:41,130
So, uh, what do you do?

397
00:21:42,233 --> 00:21:45,603
I'm an entrepreneur.
I own my own business.

398
00:21:45,604 --> 00:21:48,771
I'm a development exec over at
Candy Systems and Research.

399
00:21:49,307 --> 00:21:50,441
You ever heard of it?

400
00:21:50,442 --> 00:21:53,511
Candy Systems and Research? CSR?

401
00:21:53,512 --> 00:21:55,745
Yeah. What of it?

402
00:21:56,280 --> 00:21:58,749
Unbelievable.

403
00:21:58,750 --> 00:22:00,585
- Can I ask you a question?
- Yeah.

404
00:22:00,586 --> 00:22:03,621
How do you sleep at night?

405
00:22:03,622 --> 00:22:07,724
I usually have to jack off, and
then I can sleep pretty soundly.

406
00:22:15,834 --> 00:22:18,201
El baño esta ocupado!

407
00:22:27,579 --> 00:22:31,314
So, um, Bob tells me you're
an amateur birdwatcher.

408
00:22:33,818 --> 00:22:36,019
What's your favorite bird?

409
00:22:36,554 --> 00:22:38,354
The turkey.

410
00:22:39,957 --> 00:22:41,859
Good.

411
00:22:41,860 --> 00:22:45,863
Do you watch a lot of TV?
What's your favorite show?

412
00:22:45,864 --> 00:22:48,666
I don't watch TV. I think
it brutalizes the senses.

413
00:22:48,667 --> 00:22:51,035
Okay.

414
00:22:51,036 --> 00:22:53,836
I can see this is
going nowhere fast.

415
00:22:59,910 --> 00:23:01,512
So, uh, Molly...

416
00:23:01,513 --> 00:23:03,447
Listen, before you ask
me any more questions

417
00:23:03,448 --> 00:23:04,682
from the Icebreaker Handbook,

418
00:23:04,683 --> 00:23:06,651
here's the 411.

419
00:23:06,652 --> 00:23:10,288
Upper Sweet Side, NYC.
Does the name ring a bell?

420
00:23:10,289 --> 00:23:11,922
- Yeah. Little candy shop?
- Ding! Ding! Ding!

421
00:23:11,923 --> 00:23:13,658
Give the man a prize.
He's a winner!

422
00:23:13,659 --> 00:23:15,626
"What has he won,
Johnny?" "A new car!"

423
00:23:15,627 --> 00:23:18,529
Yes, that is my store. And I
put my whole life into it.

424
00:23:18,530 --> 00:23:20,631
Molly, I had no idea.

425
00:23:20,632 --> 00:23:22,300
The only line you care
about is the bottom line.

426
00:23:22,301 --> 00:23:25,369
Look, are you the kind of person that
I feel a strong connection to? Yes.

427
00:23:25,370 --> 00:23:27,538
Do I find you cute and funny? Yes.

428
00:23:27,539 --> 00:23:30,074
Could you be the guy that I could
fall for and live with forever? Yes.

429
00:23:30,075 --> 00:23:32,710
But the point is, you're
a corporate robot.

430
00:23:32,711 --> 00:23:37,481
And so, it is with great pleasure that I
say to you, go jump in a lake, meathead!

431
00:23:40,918 --> 00:23:42,919
Molly! Wait, Molly!

432
00:23:44,723 --> 00:23:46,322
Shit.

433
00:23:50,895 --> 00:23:54,598
I'll have what she's having.

434
00:23:54,599 --> 00:23:58,102
You are having what she's having.
It's all the same food.

435
00:23:58,103 --> 00:24:00,737
The pasta and the beans
and the lentils.

436
00:24:07,412 --> 00:24:09,580
Hey, Roland?

437
00:24:09,581 --> 00:24:11,749
You wanna tell me why
your super-hero costume

438
00:24:11,750 --> 00:24:14,817
is lyin' on the bathroom
floor filled with shit?

439
00:24:15,886 --> 00:24:17,088
What?

440
00:24:17,089 --> 00:24:19,455
Oh, my God. What did you do?

441
00:24:20,358 --> 00:24:21,926
I didn't do anything.

442
00:24:21,927 --> 00:24:25,096
You shit your pants. And
then you took a shower.

443
00:24:25,097 --> 00:24:27,431
And you just left your costume
lyin' on the floor, didn't you?

444
00:24:27,432 --> 00:24:30,034
- Did not!
- Roland, that is disgusting!

445
00:24:30,035 --> 00:24:32,902
Whoa. Wait a minute.
Let me explain.

446
00:24:35,072 --> 00:24:40,044
My costume was itching me,
so I went into the bathroom

447
00:24:40,045 --> 00:24:44,448
and changed into Mr.
Taking-a-shower-guy costume

448
00:24:44,449 --> 00:24:46,617
and just left the costume in there.

449
00:24:46,618 --> 00:24:48,753
Why is there shit all
over the washcloths, too?

450
00:24:48,754 --> 00:24:50,388
The washcloths are just for show!

451
00:24:50,389 --> 00:24:52,523
- Those are brand new washcloths.
- Oh.

452
00:24:52,524 --> 00:24:54,959
The only thing I can guess

453
00:24:54,960 --> 00:24:59,897
is somebody else must have
gone into the bathroom,

454
00:24:59,898 --> 00:25:04,667
put my costume on, shit in it,

455
00:25:04,668 --> 00:25:06,504
and left it there.

456
00:25:06,505 --> 00:25:10,339
That is the only
logical explanation.

457
00:25:13,644 --> 00:25:17,681
All right, which one of you
people went into the bathroom

458
00:25:17,682 --> 00:25:19,949
put my costume on, and shit in it?

459
00:25:24,088 --> 00:25:26,222
Wow. I'm disappointed
in you people.

460
00:25:28,660 --> 00:25:30,359
I gotta go.

461
00:25:31,996 --> 00:25:34,430
I'm disgusted with everyone.

462
00:25:38,769 --> 00:25:40,970
Who do you think it was?

463
00:25:42,606 --> 00:25:44,975
So, what did you think of Molly?

464
00:25:44,976 --> 00:25:47,511
What a nightmare! God!

465
00:25:47,512 --> 00:25:50,047
Yeah, she's attractive
and smart and funny.

466
00:25:50,048 --> 00:25:53,083
She's exactly the type of person I
could see myself falling in love with.

467
00:25:53,084 --> 00:25:56,906
But boy, with an attitude like that,
it's no wonder she can't find a date.

468
00:25:57,087 --> 00:25:58,554
Molly.

469
00:26:02,460 --> 00:26:04,560
Wait! He didn't mean what...

470
00:26:07,198 --> 00:26:09,133
Shit.

471
00:26:09,134 --> 00:26:12,069
So it wasn't love at
first sight, was it?

472
00:26:12,070 --> 00:26:14,905
Are you really asking us that? Were
you not listening to the story?

473
00:26:14,906 --> 00:26:18,742
No, I'm... Forget it.

474
00:26:18,743 --> 00:26:22,146
Anyway, after that debacle, I
assumed I'd never see him again.

475
00:26:22,147 --> 00:26:25,816
But then, a few days later, I was
browsing in my favorite used bookshop

476
00:26:25,817 --> 00:26:28,050
and guess who was there?

477
00:26:28,986 --> 00:26:30,586
Who?

478
00:26:31,655 --> 00:26:32,823
Joel.

479
00:26:32,824 --> 00:26:34,390
Me.

480
00:26:35,025 --> 00:26:37,761
Wanda, that's him!

481
00:26:37,762 --> 00:26:40,522
That's the jerk I met at Bob
and Brenda's Halloween party.

482
00:26:41,031 --> 00:26:44,166
Oh, Lordy. Ooh, this
could get ugly.

483
00:26:44,635 --> 00:26:46,270
- Hey.
- Hi.

484
00:26:46,271 --> 00:26:50,098
- Howdy.
- Hi. Again.

485
00:26:50,324 --> 00:26:51,942
What are you doing here?

486
00:26:51,943 --> 00:26:54,745
What am I doing here? Looking for
a book. What are you doing here?

487
00:26:54,746 --> 00:26:58,949
- I'm a regular here.
- Yeah. Regular beanbag.

488
00:26:58,950 --> 00:27:00,718
You know, maybe you'd
feel more comfortable

489
00:27:00,719 --> 00:27:03,020
in a corporate mega-bookstore
chain like Brams and Nerbils.

490
00:27:03,021 --> 00:27:04,855
Why don't you just calm down.

491
00:27:04,856 --> 00:27:08,792
Don't tell me to calm down! What if I don't
want to calm down? Stop trying to fix me!

492
00:27:08,793 --> 00:27:11,629
Okay. I'm going to step out
of the crossfire here.

493
00:27:11,630 --> 00:27:14,098
Yeah. Me, too.

494
00:27:14,099 --> 00:27:17,034
Look, Missy, my brother and I are
here to buy something for our bubby.

495
00:27:17,035 --> 00:27:19,603
Oh, your... Bubby?

496
00:27:19,604 --> 00:27:23,073
Yeah. My bubby. My grandmother.

497
00:27:23,074 --> 00:27:26,210
I had a grandmother. Her
name was Arlene Crabtree.

498
00:27:26,211 --> 00:27:29,111
She died recently.
We were very close.

499
00:27:29,713 --> 00:27:30,915
I'm sorry for your loss.

500
00:27:30,916 --> 00:27:32,648
Thank you.

501
00:27:35,286 --> 00:27:37,688
Can I help you find
something for your bubby?

502
00:27:37,689 --> 00:27:41,524
Well, uh, I'm looking for
maybe a fiction book.

503
00:27:42,092 --> 00:27:44,628
You like fiction books?

504
00:27:44,629 --> 00:27:48,198
Just because I work for a big corporation
doesn't mean I don't like fiction books.

505
00:27:48,199 --> 00:27:50,200
In fact, fiction books is one
of my favorite kinds of books.

506
00:27:50,201 --> 00:27:52,937
- You have to be kidding me!
- Do you like fiction?

507
00:27:52,938 --> 00:27:55,039
Like it? Try "love it"!

508
00:27:55,040 --> 00:27:56,941
Oh, my God. That's crazy!

509
00:27:56,942 --> 00:28:01,812
I've never met anyone else who
likes fiction! That is too funny.

510
00:28:01,813 --> 00:28:04,253
That is literally too funny.

511
00:28:07,117 --> 00:28:08,584
Well, uh...

512
00:28:10,287 --> 00:28:12,089
I should probably get going.

513
00:28:12,090 --> 00:28:15,257
Yeah, sure. We've got...
I've got books.

514
00:28:15,793 --> 00:28:18,260
Yeah. All right.

515
00:28:20,064 --> 00:28:21,665
- Joel, wait!
- Hmm.

516
00:28:21,666 --> 00:28:23,100
Yeah?

517
00:28:23,101 --> 00:28:25,736
I might have judged you
too harshly at the party.

518
00:28:25,737 --> 00:28:29,605
I know this sounds crazy, but would you
like to have a me of coffee with cup?

519
00:28:30,140 --> 00:28:31,875
What?

520
00:28:31,876 --> 00:28:35,012
Do you want a cup
of me with koo-fie?

521
00:28:35,013 --> 00:28:38,015
Would you like to have a cup
of moffie with kee? With me.

522
00:28:38,016 --> 00:28:39,216
A cup of coffee. With hoo.

523
00:28:39,217 --> 00:28:40,985
What the fuck are you saying?

524
00:28:40,986 --> 00:28:43,721
Do you want to have coffee with me?

525
00:28:43,722 --> 00:28:46,924
I think you're asking me if I'd like
to have a cup of coffee with you.

526
00:28:46,925 --> 00:28:49,827
Yes. Thank you. That's
what I'm trying to ask.

527
00:28:50,895 --> 00:28:53,964
Coffee sounds great.
Half-caf decaf.

528
00:28:53,965 --> 00:28:56,033
No foam, hold the foam, no cream...

529
00:28:56,034 --> 00:28:57,968
What happened to just a good
old fashioned cup of coffee?

530
00:28:57,969 --> 00:29:01,405
- I know. It's all so confusing!
- It is! It is so confuse.

531
00:29:03,074 --> 00:29:05,274
That's how you say
"confusing" in France.

532
00:29:10,881 --> 00:29:12,716
What are we doin'?

533
00:29:12,717 --> 00:29:15,184
Oh, my God, this is all
happening so fast.

534
00:29:17,087 --> 00:29:18,654
I can't.

535
00:29:19,390 --> 00:29:21,125
My Aunt Flo is visiting.

536
00:29:21,126 --> 00:29:23,694
You're on your period?

537
00:29:23,695 --> 00:29:26,763
No. My Aunt Flo is
visiting me from Florida.

538
00:29:26,764 --> 00:29:28,230
Hey, Aunt Flo.

539
00:29:31,402 --> 00:29:33,669
How about we get that coffee, huh?

540
00:29:41,245 --> 00:29:43,180
So what will you have?

541
00:29:43,181 --> 00:29:46,450
Um, I'll have a low-fat,
sugar-free banana yogurt muffin.

542
00:29:46,451 --> 00:29:47,363
Okay.

543
00:29:47,364 --> 00:29:49,820
But if they don't have that, I'll
have half a poppy-seed muffin,

544
00:29:49,821 --> 00:29:51,321
if they can take out all the
poppy seeds and heat it up.

545
00:29:51,322 --> 00:29:53,323
- Okay.
- Hold on!

546
00:29:53,324 --> 00:29:55,325
If they can't heat it up, then
leave half the poppy seeds in

547
00:29:55,326 --> 00:29:58,729
and sprinkle the other half of the poppy
seeds on one half of a blueberry muffin

548
00:29:58,730 --> 00:30:01,065
and then cut both halves in
half, and throw them both away.

549
00:30:01,066 --> 00:30:02,966
- Oh.
- In either scenario,

550
00:30:02,967 --> 00:30:05,002
I want a lemon-chocolate loaf,
but this is very important,

551
00:30:05,003 --> 00:30:06,937
it must be shrink-wrapped.
And more importantly,

552
00:30:06,938 --> 00:30:09,339
it must smell more like lemon
than chocolate. Got it?

553
00:30:09,340 --> 00:30:11,742
That's how you order a muffin?

554
00:30:11,743 --> 00:30:15,079
What? I want things
the way I want them.

555
00:30:15,080 --> 00:30:17,681
You're pretty adorable when
you get all fussy like that.

556
00:30:18,782 --> 00:30:20,217
May I help who's next?

557
00:30:20,218 --> 00:30:25,122
Yes. Okay, so she'll have a low-fat,
sugar-free banana yogurt muffin.

558
00:30:25,123 --> 00:30:27,057
If you don't have that, then
half of a poppy-seed muffin

559
00:30:27,058 --> 00:30:29,126
with the poppy seeds
taken out and heated up.

560
00:30:29,127 --> 00:30:31,929
If you can't heat it up, then
take half the poppy seeds out

561
00:30:31,930 --> 00:30:35,065
and sprinkle the other half on top
of the half of a blueberry muffin,

562
00:30:35,066 --> 00:30:37,000
cut both halves in half, and
then throw them both away.

563
00:30:37,001 --> 00:30:39,236
In either scenario, she'll
have a lemon-chocolate loaf,

564
00:30:39,237 --> 00:30:42,031
but, and this is really important,
only if it's shrink-wrapped.

565
00:30:42,032 --> 00:30:44,975
And even more importantly, if it
smells more like lemon than chocolate.

566
00:30:44,976 --> 00:30:46,243
And I'll have a coffee, please.

567
00:30:46,244 --> 00:30:49,245
Great. Coffee to number three!

568
00:30:54,084 --> 00:30:55,818
Who are you?

569
00:30:57,454 --> 00:30:58,822
- You know what I like?
- What?

570
00:30:58,823 --> 00:31:00,758
Q-tips.

571
00:31:00,759 --> 00:31:02,526
- Me, too.
- You do?

572
00:31:02,527 --> 00:31:04,528
The kind with the pieces
of cotton at each end?

573
00:31:04,529 --> 00:31:06,196
Yeah, those are the
only kind I know.

574
00:31:06,197 --> 00:31:07,998
What's your favorite color?

575
00:31:07,999 --> 00:31:10,000
Blue. What's your favorite TV show?

576
00:31:10,001 --> 00:31:11,468
Oh, God, you know which
one I can't stand,

577
00:31:11,469 --> 00:31:14,104
but watch all the time and
kind of love secretly?

578
00:31:14,105 --> 00:31:15,839
"Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous."

579
00:31:17,976 --> 00:31:20,110
Look at these two right here. "Hey,
look. I got a brand new phone."

580
00:31:20,111 --> 00:31:22,312
"What is that, an iPhone?" "Yeah,
I've gotta go to the Apple Store..."

581
00:31:22,313 --> 00:31:24,381
- You're good at that.
- "...and wait in line."

582
00:31:24,382 --> 00:31:28,185
Communism could work. It really could. But
what they're doing now isn't communism,

583
00:31:28,186 --> 00:31:30,920
it's totalitarianism
dressed up as communism.

584
00:31:31,522 --> 00:31:33,090
I agree.

585
00:31:33,091 --> 00:31:34,124
Have you ever given
yourself a pap smear?

586
00:31:34,125 --> 00:31:35,392
No.

587
00:31:35,393 --> 00:31:38,929
- I was just... Because of the Q-tips.
- Mmm. That's sweet.

588
00:31:38,930 --> 00:31:40,998
- Let me try it.
- All right, you go.

589
00:31:40,999 --> 00:31:42,631
"Hey..."

590
00:31:43,934 --> 00:31:45,002
I can't do it.

591
00:31:45,003 --> 00:31:47,938
You know, I have a dream
that someday I wanna

592
00:31:47,939 --> 00:31:52,176
have my own coffee
place, "A Cup of Joel."

593
00:31:52,177 --> 00:31:55,279
You know, as in "Cup of Joe",
but I would say "Joel"...

594
00:31:55,280 --> 00:31:57,281
- Right.
- Because everyone knows "Cup of Joe",...

595
00:31:57,282 --> 00:31:59,049
- Sure. - ...but it's "Cup of Joel"
because my name is Joel.

596
00:31:59,050 --> 00:32:01,485
- Smart. I get it.
- So Joel instead of Joe.

597
00:32:01,486 --> 00:32:04,288
I don't know. It's probably
just wishful thinking, right?

598
00:32:04,289 --> 00:32:06,156
It's kind of stupid.

599
00:32:06,157 --> 00:32:08,892
No! It's not stupid, it's great!
You should do that.

600
00:32:08,893 --> 00:32:11,428
Tiffany always said
that was a dumb idea.

601
00:32:11,429 --> 00:32:13,931
Well, I don't know Tiffany, but
she sounds like a stupid bitch.

602
00:32:16,066 --> 00:32:17,666
Uh...

603
00:32:18,268 --> 00:32:19,336
Forget it.

604
00:32:19,337 --> 00:32:20,404
- What?
- No, I...

605
00:32:20,405 --> 00:32:21,905
No. Come on, tell me.

606
00:32:21,906 --> 00:32:23,373
Are you hungry?

607
00:32:23,374 --> 00:32:26,343
Hungry? Why don't
you try "starving."

608
00:32:26,344 --> 00:32:28,478
Why don't I have
you over for dinner.

609
00:32:28,479 --> 00:32:30,813
I'll make my world-famous
Mac 'n Cheese.

610
00:32:31,582 --> 00:32:33,250
'Kay.

611
00:32:33,251 --> 00:32:36,053
I like how you say "'kay."

612
00:32:36,054 --> 00:32:38,787
I like how you say, "I
like how you say "'kay.'"

613
00:32:50,068 --> 00:32:52,502
Molly, where have you been?
I've been worried sick.

614
00:32:52,503 --> 00:32:54,171
Who are you?

615
00:32:54,172 --> 00:32:56,373
Joel, this is my older
sister, Katherine.

616
00:32:56,374 --> 00:32:58,342
- Katherine, this is Joel.
- Hi.

617
00:32:58,343 --> 00:33:01,078
Don't "hi" me, Joel. You're
just like all the others.

618
00:33:01,079 --> 00:33:03,380
Wham, bam, thank you, ma'am.

619
00:33:03,381 --> 00:33:05,015
- Hi, Mommy.
- Hi!

620
00:33:05,016 --> 00:33:06,483
You have a kid?

621
00:33:06,484 --> 00:33:08,452
Don't worry, Joel. His
dad's out of the picture.

622
00:33:08,453 --> 00:33:11,655
He's doing T-I-M-E in jail.

623
00:33:11,656 --> 00:33:14,091
Tucker, this is my friend, Joel.

624
00:33:14,092 --> 00:33:16,493
Hi, Mr. Joel. Are you my new daddy?

625
00:33:16,494 --> 00:33:18,395
Oh!

626
00:33:18,396 --> 00:33:21,231
Hey, buddy, I see you've got
on some Pokemon pajamas.

627
00:33:21,232 --> 00:33:23,166
Yeah.

628
00:33:23,167 --> 00:33:25,502
My favorite one is Smeargle.
You know why?

629
00:33:25,503 --> 00:33:28,038
Because he can defend
Butterfree's Hyper Reverse Attack

630
00:33:28,039 --> 00:33:29,573
with two double
colorless energy cards

631
00:33:29,574 --> 00:33:31,375
and only get 10 damage points.

632
00:33:31,376 --> 00:33:34,144
You know about Pokemon?
You're cool, Mr. Joel!

633
00:33:34,145 --> 00:33:35,512
I think you're cool, Tucker.

634
00:33:35,513 --> 00:33:37,681
What is... Wait a minute.

635
00:33:37,682 --> 00:33:40,316
What is that in your ear? What?

636
00:33:41,018 --> 00:33:42,386
That's for you.

637
00:33:42,387 --> 00:33:44,354
Wow! A cheeseburger, Mommy!

638
00:33:44,355 --> 00:33:47,024
Wow! Go eat that in bed.

639
00:33:47,025 --> 00:33:49,391
Goodnight, Mom. Goodnight, Daddy.

640
00:33:51,228 --> 00:33:52,963
I mean "Joel".

641
00:33:52,964 --> 00:33:54,430
Oh!

642
00:33:56,633 --> 00:33:58,867
Oh.

643
00:34:01,238 --> 00:34:03,073
I think he likes you.

644
00:34:03,074 --> 00:34:05,040
I think I like him.

645
00:34:06,443 --> 00:34:08,944
Dinner was delicious, Molly.

646
00:34:10,047 --> 00:34:12,081
Here. A little chilly...

647
00:34:13,984 --> 00:34:15,385
Joel, can I tell you something?

648
00:34:15,386 --> 00:34:17,955
Sure. What is it?

649
00:34:17,956 --> 00:34:21,091
If I was ever about to marry
someone, and then realized

650
00:34:21,092 --> 00:34:24,094
that I didn't want to do it,
you know where I would go?

651
00:34:24,095 --> 00:34:28,165
Ah, random guess, but Boston?

652
00:34:28,166 --> 00:34:31,635
No. The Brooklyn Promenade.
Where I can look out over the city.

653
00:34:31,636 --> 00:34:33,036
It's very comforting.

654
00:34:33,037 --> 00:34:35,505
What you're saying to me is that
if you were to ever get married

655
00:34:35,506 --> 00:34:38,275
and then decide at the last minute that
you didn't want to marry that person

656
00:34:38,276 --> 00:34:41,078
- you would go to the Brooklyn Promenade.
- Yes. You see where I'm going with this?

657
00:34:41,079 --> 00:34:43,347
I think so. Yeah.

658
00:34:43,348 --> 00:34:45,482
I believe in fate, Joel.

659
00:34:45,483 --> 00:34:48,484
And If we were meant to be
together, then we will be.

660
00:34:49,152 --> 00:34:52,155
- Hi.
- Hey.

661
00:34:52,156 --> 00:34:53,423
I can't do this.

662
00:34:53,424 --> 00:34:54,424
Why? What did I do?

663
00:34:54,425 --> 00:34:56,426
I'm sorry.

664
00:34:56,427 --> 00:35:00,564
It's just that Tiffany, my ex, used
to say that exact same thing to me.

665
00:35:00,565 --> 00:35:04,601
- She used to say "hey"?
- Yeah.

666
00:35:04,602 --> 00:35:06,670
And I'm not so sure I'm ready
for this kind of thing...

667
00:35:06,671 --> 00:35:09,373
No, I understand. I didn't
want to kiss you anyway.

668
00:35:09,374 --> 00:35:12,409
I like you. It's just the way
you said "hey" like that...

669
00:35:12,410 --> 00:35:13,677
Goodnight, Joel.

670
00:35:13,678 --> 00:35:16,413
Hey, no, look, Molly...
Molly, wait... Look.

671
00:35:16,414 --> 00:35:18,749
I think you're great.
I just need a little time.

672
00:35:18,750 --> 00:35:21,385
You think you're the only
person that's ever been hurt?

673
00:35:21,386 --> 00:35:24,254
Do you think it was easy for me
to watch Frank go Downward Dog

674
00:35:24,255 --> 00:35:27,224
on the yoga instructor while
they were lying on my mat?

675
00:35:27,225 --> 00:35:29,159
- My mat, Joel.
- I didn't know.

676
00:35:29,160 --> 00:35:33,061
You don't know anything! I can't even
do yoga any more. I only do Pilates.

677
00:35:33,597 --> 00:35:34,798
Good night.

678
00:35:34,799 --> 00:35:36,465
Molly...

679
00:35:37,200 --> 00:35:38,867
Molly, wait!

680
00:35:41,471 --> 00:35:43,138
Shit!

681
00:35:49,546 --> 00:35:53,784
I knew at that very moment
that I had screwed up big-time.

682
00:35:53,785 --> 00:35:57,120
And then walking home,
I had this realization

683
00:35:57,121 --> 00:36:00,357
that my inability to open my dream
coffee shop was in many ways

684
00:36:00,358 --> 00:36:02,726
a metaphor for my inability to
follow through in my romantic life.

685
00:36:02,727 --> 00:36:04,795
Ah.

686
00:36:04,796 --> 00:36:07,097
And once I figured that out, I
didn't want to waste another moment

687
00:36:07,098 --> 00:36:09,666
before rushing back to Molly
and asking for another chance.

688
00:36:09,667 --> 00:36:11,101
So that's what you did?

689
00:36:11,102 --> 00:36:14,204
Not right away. This buddy of mine
who was super into boogie-boarding

690
00:36:14,205 --> 00:36:15,572
invited me down to his place
in Miami to check it out,

691
00:36:15,573 --> 00:36:17,607
so I went down there
for the weekend.

692
00:36:17,608 --> 00:36:19,609
But as soon as I got back, I
headed straight to Molly's store.

693
00:36:19,610 --> 00:36:21,812
I didn't want to screw it up again,

694
00:36:21,813 --> 00:36:24,114
so I practiced what I was going
to say until it was perfect.

695
00:36:24,115 --> 00:36:26,149
Hey Molly, I had such a
great time the other night.

696
00:36:26,150 --> 00:36:29,219
I'm sorry I got weird there
at the end. I was just so...

697
00:36:29,220 --> 00:36:31,854
I was just so hamburgies
and hotdoggies.

698
00:36:33,490 --> 00:36:36,293
No, that sounds stupid.
That sounds so stupid.

699
00:36:36,294 --> 00:36:39,162
Hey Molly, I had a great
time the other night.

700
00:36:39,163 --> 00:36:41,431
Sorry it got weird
at the end there.

701
00:36:41,432 --> 00:36:44,234
I've been going through a lot recently,
and I was just feeling all...

702
00:36:44,235 --> 00:36:46,001
Green beans!

703
00:36:46,770 --> 00:36:50,640
No! Hey, Molly. Pancakey.

704
00:36:50,641 --> 00:36:54,111
Molly! I think your
friend Joel is here.

705
00:36:54,112 --> 00:36:57,114
And it looks like he's
rehearsing an apology speech.

706
00:36:57,115 --> 00:37:00,317
Oh, no, Wanda! I look terrible!
I look like a chimney sweep.

707
00:37:00,318 --> 00:37:01,852
Okay, quick! I'll help you
find something better.

708
00:37:01,853 --> 00:37:03,585
Come on, let's hurry, then!

709
00:37:13,530 --> 00:37:15,097
Molly?

710
00:37:17,601 --> 00:37:19,568
Guess she's not here.

711
00:37:29,880 --> 00:37:32,180
Is that you? Hey, Joel, I...

712
00:37:33,416 --> 00:37:35,217
Where'd he go?

713
00:37:35,919 --> 00:37:37,653
Was that you?

714
00:37:41,324 --> 00:37:43,593
Oh, hey, big brother. Did
you go apologize to Molly?

715
00:37:43,594 --> 00:37:46,530
Oh, hey. I went by her
store, but she wasn't there.

716
00:37:46,531 --> 00:37:49,164
- Well, did you leave her a note?
- No. Should I have?

717
00:37:50,934 --> 00:37:55,172
You know, for a smart guy, big
brother, you sure are an idiot.

718
00:37:55,173 --> 00:37:58,575
You know what, Jake? I've had it up
to here with your little comments.

719
00:37:58,576 --> 00:38:00,877
You've got a bone to pick
with me, then spit it out.

720
00:38:00,878 --> 00:38:03,346
What? Is this about rent, Joel?

721
00:38:03,347 --> 00:38:05,882
Because you can have
your stupid money.

722
00:38:05,883 --> 00:38:10,453
No. It's not about money, Jake.
It's never been about money!

723
00:38:10,454 --> 00:38:13,723
But you know what? If you have a little
rent, then, sure, I'd gladly take it!

724
00:38:13,724 --> 00:38:16,726
- I was being rhetorical!
- Of course you were!

725
00:38:16,727 --> 00:38:18,327
Of course you were!

726
00:38:19,596 --> 00:38:21,298
You're like a child.

727
00:38:21,299 --> 00:38:23,733
Well, if being a grown-up means

728
00:38:23,734 --> 00:38:27,470
being a corporate drone
like you, then no thanks!

729
00:38:27,471 --> 00:38:29,339
I've got dreams, man!

730
00:38:29,340 --> 00:38:31,675
Well, your dreams don't
pay for the rent!

731
00:38:31,676 --> 00:38:35,812
- This corporate drone does!
- Do you remember the tire swing?

732
00:38:35,813 --> 00:38:37,981
I don't have time for this.
No, I don't have time...

733
00:38:37,982 --> 00:38:40,349
I know you remember it, Joel!

734
00:38:41,384 --> 00:38:44,254
The old maple tree.

735
00:38:44,255 --> 00:38:48,525
We used to spend hours in that
thing. Where'd it go, Joel?

736
00:38:48,526 --> 00:38:50,560
You sold it, didn't you?

737
00:38:50,561 --> 00:38:54,396
You traded in our fun for,
what, a few greenbacks?

738
00:38:58,001 --> 00:39:02,539
When Mom and Dad died,
I had to sell that tire

739
00:39:02,540 --> 00:39:05,841
to put food in your belly
and a shirt on your back.

740
00:39:07,510 --> 00:39:12,747
It was for you, Jake. All of it.

741
00:39:13,850 --> 00:39:15,851
It was always for you.

742
00:39:17,721 --> 00:39:19,955
I really miss Mom and Dad.

743
00:39:20,523 --> 00:39:22,090
Me, too.

744
00:39:22,692 --> 00:39:24,259
Me, too.

745
00:39:30,367 --> 00:39:32,035
Call Molly.

746
00:39:32,036 --> 00:39:33,837
Call her, man.

747
00:39:33,838 --> 00:39:35,771
Tell her how you feel.

748
00:39:37,040 --> 00:39:39,074
I'm gonna go run some errands.

749
00:39:40,944 --> 00:39:42,411
Hey, Jake.

750
00:39:43,446 --> 00:39:44,980
Yeah?

751
00:39:46,549 --> 00:39:48,717
Thanks, little brother.

752
00:39:53,056 --> 00:39:55,025
Hey, Joel?

753
00:39:55,026 --> 00:39:56,559
Yeah?

754
00:39:56,560 --> 00:39:58,193
Go get 'em, Tiger.

755
00:40:01,865 --> 00:40:03,066
Hey, Jake?

756
00:40:03,067 --> 00:40:04,800
Yeah?

757
00:40:05,769 --> 00:40:07,269
Thanks.

758
00:40:08,838 --> 00:40:10,407
Joel, one last thing.

759
00:40:10,408 --> 00:40:11,973
What's up?

760
00:40:12,609 --> 00:40:14,477
Thanks.

761
00:40:14,478 --> 00:40:15,712
Jake!

762
00:40:15,713 --> 00:40:17,245
Yo.

763
00:40:17,881 --> 00:40:19,347
Thanks.

764
00:40:22,385 --> 00:40:24,821
Okay, I'm lost. What's going on?

765
00:40:24,822 --> 00:40:27,390
Basically he sold the tire
swing to feed his brother.

766
00:40:27,391 --> 00:40:29,659
I get that, but what does it
have to do with the two of you?

767
00:40:29,660 --> 00:40:31,561
Um, I think the idea is that

768
00:40:31,562 --> 00:40:33,396
- after they meet up...
- Right.

769
00:40:33,397 --> 00:40:35,365
They both realize, you
know, how short life is.

770
00:40:35,366 --> 00:40:39,336
And so the brother told him to
call her to say he was sorry.

771
00:40:39,337 --> 00:40:41,471
And then he went and ran errands.

772
00:40:41,472 --> 00:40:42,739
Is it something like that?

773
00:40:42,740 --> 00:40:44,107
Yeah. Sure. Whatever you want.

774
00:40:44,108 --> 00:40:45,542
So I called her right away.

775
00:40:45,543 --> 00:40:47,544
Hello?

776
00:40:47,545 --> 00:40:49,079
Hey, Molly, it's Joel.
How's it going?

777
00:40:49,080 --> 00:40:50,680
Hi.

778
00:40:50,681 --> 00:40:52,649
Uh, look, I wanted to
call you and apologize

779
00:40:52,650 --> 00:40:55,819
for the way that I behaved the other
night. I've learned that my inability to

780
00:40:55,820 --> 00:40:57,987
follow through on my
dream coffee shop

781
00:40:57,988 --> 00:41:03,059
is a metaphor for my inability to
follow through on my romantic life.

782
00:41:03,060 --> 00:41:05,362
Listen, I wanna clear something
up before we go any further.

783
00:41:05,363 --> 00:41:06,930
I really appreciate your
apology about the other night,

784
00:41:06,931 --> 00:41:10,367
but why did you come over to my store
and then leave without coming in?

785
00:41:10,368 --> 00:41:12,702
- I did come in, but I couldn't find you.
- Oh, Really?

786
00:41:12,703 --> 00:41:14,398
I came there to apologize to you,

787
00:41:14,399 --> 00:41:15,805
- because I was a jerk.
- Oh.

788
00:41:15,806 --> 00:41:17,506
Okay, good. Well, good.

789
00:41:19,476 --> 00:41:22,010
Molly, are you free
for dinner tonight?

790
00:41:23,146 --> 00:41:25,682
Sure.

791
00:41:25,683 --> 00:41:27,884
Wanda, I really
like this guy, Joel,

792
00:41:27,885 --> 00:41:29,819
but I just don't know
if he's the one.

793
00:41:29,820 --> 00:41:33,757
I mean, I wish there was some
sort of sign that proved it.

794
00:41:33,758 --> 00:41:35,925
Well, how about this?

795
00:41:35,926 --> 00:41:37,761
When you meet up with him
tonight, change the way you look.

796
00:41:37,762 --> 00:41:42,490
Just a tiny little bit. But if he notices,
then that's how you'll know he's the one.

797
00:41:42,999 --> 00:41:44,601
Oh.

798
00:41:44,602 --> 00:41:48,138
Change the way I look
and see if he notices.

799
00:41:48,139 --> 00:41:50,673
Wanda, thank you. You're the best.

800
00:41:50,674 --> 00:41:52,140
You are.

801
00:41:54,978 --> 00:41:56,513
No.

802
00:41:56,514 --> 00:41:58,475
I just felt like I
was gettin' a vibe.

803
00:42:09,025 --> 00:42:10,926
- Hey.
- Hi, there.

804
00:42:11,661 --> 00:42:12,829
You look different.

805
00:42:12,830 --> 00:42:14,164
Really? You think so?

806
00:42:14,165 --> 00:42:16,364
You've got Groucho glasses on.

807
00:42:18,735 --> 00:42:21,438
You noticed.

808
00:42:21,439 --> 00:42:24,399
Of course. You must have gone to
a gag store or something, huh?

809
00:42:25,742 --> 00:42:27,309
You're something.

810
00:42:27,977 --> 00:42:29,444
Come on, let's eat.

811
00:42:33,117 --> 00:42:35,485
Bonjour. May I take your coat?

812
00:42:35,486 --> 00:42:36,853
No, thank you. I'll keep mine.

813
00:42:36,854 --> 00:42:38,521
We're okay.

814
00:42:38,522 --> 00:42:40,590
Well, in that case,

815
00:42:40,591 --> 00:42:45,061
may I then suggest you try the
greasy diner on Columbus and 67th.

816
00:42:45,062 --> 00:42:49,833
I think you will find their cuisine
and service up to your standards.

817
00:42:49,834 --> 00:42:52,502
Boy, does that guy have a
pole up his ass or what?

818
00:42:52,503 --> 00:42:54,037
Yeah.

819
00:42:54,038 --> 00:42:56,398
Watch out, Joel! He does!

820
00:43:02,078 --> 00:43:04,247
Care to hear our specials?

821
00:43:04,248 --> 00:43:05,982
That's not necessary.

822
00:43:05,983 --> 00:43:08,224
I'm feeling adventurous tonight.
Surprise me.

823
00:43:08,685 --> 00:43:10,887
What? Really?

824
00:43:10,888 --> 00:43:12,522
You're willing to just throw
caution to the wind like that?

825
00:43:12,523 --> 00:43:14,224
Sure.

826
00:43:14,225 --> 00:43:17,126
Very well, madame. For
the fish, we have...

827
00:43:17,127 --> 00:43:19,895
Uh, wait! Whatever
it is, I'll have it.

828
00:43:20,230 --> 00:43:22,499
Very good, madame.

829
00:43:22,500 --> 00:43:23,967
And for monsieur?

830
00:43:26,570 --> 00:43:29,172
I'll have the steak plate.

831
00:43:29,173 --> 00:43:31,741
Molly, really, you don't even
need to hear what the fish is?

832
00:43:31,742 --> 00:43:33,109
I'm sure.

833
00:43:33,110 --> 00:43:34,744
I am more sure of this decision

834
00:43:34,745 --> 00:43:37,212
than anything ever
in my entire life.

835
00:43:37,947 --> 00:43:39,614
Who are you?

836
00:43:40,283 --> 00:43:42,519
A steak for monsieur,

837
00:43:42,520 --> 00:43:46,121
and for madame, the stinky
doo-doo fish special.

838
00:43:51,528 --> 00:43:54,062
Dinner was great, Molly. I agree.

839
00:43:54,764 --> 00:43:57,465
Well, this is me.

840
00:43:58,668 --> 00:44:00,535
And this is me.

841
00:44:02,639 --> 00:44:04,707
I mean, this is me.
This is where I live.

842
00:44:04,708 --> 00:44:06,543
I know. And this is where I live.

843
00:44:06,544 --> 00:44:09,110
And it's where you
live, too. With me.

844
00:44:09,646 --> 00:44:11,147
Oh, Joel...

845
00:44:11,148 --> 00:44:13,316
Look, I'm just gonna throw my cards

846
00:44:13,317 --> 00:44:15,818
out on the table,
really go for broke.

847
00:44:15,819 --> 00:44:17,287
I had a great time tonight.

848
00:44:17,288 --> 00:44:20,056
Would you like to go for a
burrito sometime with me?

849
00:44:20,057 --> 00:44:22,625
No. I'm sorry, no. I wouldn't.

850
00:44:22,626 --> 00:44:24,761
Oh, wow, I wasn't expecting
that. That's harsh.

851
00:44:24,762 --> 00:44:27,063
It came out wrong. I just
don't like Mexican food.

852
00:44:27,064 --> 00:44:28,331
I'm sorry.

853
00:44:28,332 --> 00:44:30,199
You're sorry? Thought
you were Joel.

854
00:44:30,200 --> 00:44:32,769
- Actually, Joel is my middle name.
- Sorry is your first name?

855
00:44:32,770 --> 00:44:34,304
Billy is my first name.

856
00:44:34,305 --> 00:44:35,905
Your name is Billy Joel?

857
00:44:35,906 --> 00:44:41,878
Hmm... I never really thought about
that before, but yeah. I guess it is.

858
00:44:41,879 --> 00:44:43,611
I should probably get going.

859
00:44:44,747 --> 00:44:46,215
Have a good night.

860
00:44:46,216 --> 00:44:48,049
- Bye now.
- Wait...

861
00:44:48,585 --> 00:44:49,919
Yeah!

862
00:44:49,920 --> 00:44:54,656
If you wanna come up,
uh, you know, you can.

863
00:44:56,159 --> 00:44:58,093
Shh.

864
00:44:58,695 --> 00:45:00,930
Don't say another word.

865
00:45:00,931 --> 00:45:02,664
I would love to come upstairs.

866
00:45:07,837 --> 00:45:09,704
Keep going.

867
00:45:18,815 --> 00:45:20,515
Where's your sister?

868
00:45:21,651 --> 00:45:23,186
She and Tucker went fly-fishing.

869
00:45:23,187 --> 00:45:25,288
They won't be back until tomorrow.

870
00:46:15,738 --> 00:46:17,439
Thirsty.

871
00:46:59,749 --> 00:47:01,416
Oh!

872
00:48:13,790 --> 00:48:16,359
Whoo!

873
00:48:16,360 --> 00:48:18,127
Wow, what a terrific song!

874
00:48:18,128 --> 00:48:20,363
Is there anywhere we
can get our own copy?

875
00:48:20,364 --> 00:48:22,865
Oh, all the Internet download
services will have it, I-tones...

876
00:48:22,866 --> 00:48:23,900
- Rhapsory.
- Amasong.

877
00:48:23,901 --> 00:48:25,600
Svandorga.

878
00:48:27,203 --> 00:48:30,840
I'm so happy that we're driving
up to the country to see my parents.

879
00:48:30,841 --> 00:48:34,876
- I'm afraid they're not gonna like me.
- You're crazy. They're gonna love you.

880
00:48:39,248 --> 00:48:41,484
- Hey! Hi!
- Hey!

881
00:48:41,485 --> 00:48:42,852
Oh.

882
00:48:42,853 --> 00:48:44,220
- Hi, Daddy.
- Hi, sweetheart.

883
00:48:44,221 --> 00:48:45,855
This is Joel.

884
00:48:45,856 --> 00:48:47,356
- How you doin'?
- Hello, sir.

885
00:48:47,357 --> 00:48:50,059
He's so cute, Molly.
Look at those dimples.

886
00:48:50,060 --> 00:48:52,228
Yeah, I know.

887
00:48:52,229 --> 00:48:56,599
So, Joel, this is where
we'll be dining tonight.

888
00:48:56,600 --> 00:48:58,968
Hmm, I guess that's
why they call it

889
00:48:58,969 --> 00:49:01,970
"the dining room".
Isn't that funny?

890
00:49:02,905 --> 00:49:05,441
You know, yeah, it is funny.

891
00:49:05,442 --> 00:49:07,043
Want to see me naked, Joel?

892
00:49:08,111 --> 00:49:09,811
See anything you like?

893
00:49:10,580 --> 00:49:12,215
Take me, Joel.

894
00:49:12,216 --> 00:49:14,350
Shag me rotten.

895
00:49:14,351 --> 00:49:17,086
But I'm in love with
your daughter, Mrs...

896
00:49:17,087 --> 00:49:18,720
Whatever Molly's last name is.

897
00:49:19,422 --> 00:49:22,291
Good answer! You did it, Joel.

898
00:49:22,292 --> 00:49:24,227
He did it, you guys!

899
00:49:24,228 --> 00:49:26,329
Yeah.

900
00:49:26,330 --> 00:49:28,531
You're the first boyfriend I
ever had to pass the test!

901
00:49:28,532 --> 00:49:30,967
I'm very impressed, Joel. Very impressed.

902
00:49:30,968 --> 00:49:32,969
Uh, thanks.

903
00:49:32,970 --> 00:49:35,304
I have watched many, many
of Molly's boyfriends

904
00:49:35,305 --> 00:49:37,139
bend my wife over that sideboard

905
00:49:37,140 --> 00:49:40,309
- and flunk the hell out of this test!
- Oh.

906
00:49:40,310 --> 00:49:41,644
Can I take the test again?

907
00:49:43,480 --> 00:49:46,549
Please? Come on, I
wanna fuck your mom.

908
00:49:59,295 --> 00:50:01,496
I think I like you, Joel.

909
00:50:03,065 --> 00:50:05,334
I think I like you, too.

910
00:50:05,335 --> 00:50:07,970
I think they like you.

911
00:50:07,971 --> 00:50:11,440
I want to make a toast. To my
beautiful white daughter, Molly.

912
00:50:11,441 --> 00:50:13,009
Hear, hear.

913
00:50:14,111 --> 00:50:15,611
Wait, what?

914
00:50:15,612 --> 00:50:18,214
She is beautiful, isn't she, Joel?

915
00:50:18,215 --> 00:50:21,050
Skin pure as the driven snow.

916
00:50:21,051 --> 00:50:23,084
Completely unmongrelized.

917
00:50:23,619 --> 00:50:25,121
Uh...

918
00:50:25,122 --> 00:50:27,922
My beautiful Aryan princess, Molly.

919
00:50:28,591 --> 00:50:30,326
To Molly.

920
00:50:30,327 --> 00:50:31,959
Thanks, Mama.

921
00:50:33,162 --> 00:50:34,964
What the fuck?

922
00:50:34,965 --> 00:50:38,000
Joel, have you ever thought
about how white people

923
00:50:38,001 --> 00:50:40,736
should be proud of their heritage,
just like other people are?

924
00:50:40,737 --> 00:50:41,971
No.

925
00:50:41,972 --> 00:50:44,040
Do you realize because
of the race mixers

926
00:50:44,041 --> 00:50:46,774
white people are now the
minority in this country?

927
00:50:48,311 --> 00:50:50,313
It's a good point.

928
00:50:50,314 --> 00:50:53,981
Guys, let's not bore Joel.
Justin, how's school?

929
00:50:57,053 --> 00:50:59,155
How could you not tell me that your
parents were white supremacists?

930
00:50:59,156 --> 00:51:02,458
- I didn't think it was important, Joel.
- Not important? Are you kidding?

931
00:51:02,459 --> 00:51:04,560
"Oh, hi, Mom. It's me, Joel. Guess
what? I'm dating this great girl.

932
00:51:04,561 --> 00:51:05,591
"Her name's Molly.

933
00:51:05,592 --> 00:51:09,131
- By the way, she's a Nazi."
- So they're a little eccentric!

934
00:51:09,132 --> 00:51:11,300
I love you for who you are, Joel.
Why can't you do the same?

935
00:51:11,301 --> 00:51:12,668
Let me guess. The next
thing you're about to say

936
00:51:12,669 --> 00:51:14,670
is that it's really
hard making this work

937
00:51:14,671 --> 00:51:17,206
because my job entails running
your business out of business!

938
00:51:17,207 --> 00:51:19,141
Yes, that is exactly
what I was going to say.

939
00:51:19,142 --> 00:51:21,711
Tiffany, would you just
calm down for a second!

940
00:51:21,712 --> 00:51:25,314
Oh, my God! You just
called me by her name.

941
00:51:25,315 --> 00:51:26,649
You are so not over her!

942
00:51:26,650 --> 00:51:28,617
- Okay, all right, please...
- Oh, my God!

943
00:51:28,618 --> 00:51:31,119
Just... Tiffany...

944
00:51:32,121 --> 00:51:33,389
Oh, damn it!

945
00:51:33,390 --> 00:51:36,759
- I think you should leave, Joel.
- What?

946
00:51:36,760 --> 00:51:39,680
I think you should take your
briefcase, take your suitcase,

947
00:51:40,329 --> 00:51:45,001
and your squash racquet, and
all your magic markers,

948
00:51:45,002 --> 00:51:49,772
and your toothbrush,
and your U2 CDs...

949
00:51:49,773 --> 00:51:53,709
And don't forget your clompy
slippers and your floppy hat!

950
00:51:53,710 --> 00:51:54,777
And get out!

951
00:51:54,778 --> 00:51:56,644
- But, I...
- Go!

952
00:52:13,763 --> 00:52:15,264
Hi, Joel.

953
00:52:15,265 --> 00:52:17,700
Tiffany, what are you doing here?

954
00:52:17,701 --> 00:52:21,137
Oh, it's a long story.

955
00:52:21,138 --> 00:52:25,408
Trevor moved out today,
and I'm just really upset.

956
00:52:25,409 --> 00:52:28,744
And, well, I'll admit it, horny.

957
00:52:28,745 --> 00:52:31,347
Ew. She said that? Give me a break.

958
00:52:31,348 --> 00:52:34,750
I know. It sounds transparent,
but she sounded really sincere.

959
00:52:34,751 --> 00:52:36,652
Well, great story.

960
00:52:36,653 --> 00:52:39,188
- Yeah. We should get together
again very soon. - Yes.

961
00:52:39,189 --> 00:52:41,223
- We're not done.
- Yeah, sit down.

962
00:52:41,224 --> 00:52:43,259
Well, actually, it's getting
so late, and I have to run...

963
00:52:43,260 --> 00:52:46,828
Sit your fuckin' ass down, Karen.
We're not done with the story.

964
00:52:52,802 --> 00:52:54,403
You know, you really hurt me, Tiff.

965
00:52:54,404 --> 00:52:57,506
I know. But I can't
ever change that.

966
00:52:57,507 --> 00:53:00,076
What's done is done.

967
00:53:00,077 --> 00:53:01,744
I can't go back to
the way things were.

968
00:53:01,745 --> 00:53:03,646
Things are gonna be
different this time, right?

969
00:53:03,647 --> 00:53:07,548
Oh, probably not, Joel.
Old habits die hard.

970
00:53:10,319 --> 00:53:12,521
Okay, but promise me that
you're not here just because

971
00:53:12,522 --> 00:53:15,091
Trevor dumped you and you're
feeling sorry for yourself.

972
00:53:15,092 --> 00:53:19,095
No. I can't promise you that, Joel,
because that is why I'm here.

973
00:53:19,096 --> 00:53:21,130
I'm not gonna candy-coat it.

974
00:53:21,131 --> 00:53:24,165
If I were you, I would be
very wary of my motives.

975
00:53:24,834 --> 00:53:26,534
Okay.

976
00:53:27,303 --> 00:53:29,238
You've convinced me.

977
00:53:29,239 --> 00:53:31,506
Let's give our
relationship another try.

978
00:53:58,367 --> 00:54:00,236
I'm not sure Molly
needs to hear this.

979
00:54:00,237 --> 00:54:01,871
Certainly not in that
level of detail.

980
00:54:01,872 --> 00:54:03,405
Joel, that last move.

981
00:54:03,406 --> 00:54:04,773
Mmm!

982
00:54:04,774 --> 00:54:06,542
How did you hold her
up with your feet and

983
00:54:06,543 --> 00:54:08,777
let her fall right down on
you man? That's cool.

984
00:54:08,778 --> 00:54:11,180
What are you talking about?
Who said anything about that?

985
00:54:11,181 --> 00:54:14,183
I'm sorry, man. I guess I was
picturing details in my mind's eye

986
00:54:14,184 --> 00:54:17,353
as you were verbally describing
what happened. But man, Joel...

987
00:54:17,354 --> 00:54:18,754
Mmm!

988
00:54:18,755 --> 00:54:20,890
You're gettin' in that pussy hole.

989
00:54:20,891 --> 00:54:23,859
You can have
the pussy. Just save me the hole.

990
00:54:28,597 --> 00:54:30,699
Nobody talk to me.

991
00:54:30,700 --> 00:54:32,700
Joel and I broke up last night.

992
00:54:33,402 --> 00:54:35,136
And my store is doomed.

993
00:54:35,671 --> 00:54:37,273
I'm a mess.

994
00:54:37,274 --> 00:54:40,509
Honestly, Moll, I never
liked that Joel anyway.

995
00:54:40,510 --> 00:54:43,277
I love him. But I hate him!

996
00:54:44,213 --> 00:54:46,182
But I love him.

997
00:54:51,555 --> 00:54:53,220
Hello? It's for you.

998
00:54:54,423 --> 00:54:55,724
Who's this?

999
00:54:55,725 --> 00:54:57,426
Hey, Molly. It's Egg-flaps.

1000
00:54:57,427 --> 00:55:01,297
Oh. Ah... Hi, Eggbert. How are you?

1001
00:55:01,298 --> 00:55:02,765
I know you're worried
about your store closing down,

1002
00:55:02,766 --> 00:55:04,567
but I have some great news.

1003
00:55:04,568 --> 00:55:06,902
I happen to have
reservations for two

1004
00:55:06,903 --> 00:55:09,705
at La Senora Enchilada at 7:00,

1005
00:55:09,706 --> 00:55:11,907
so do you wanna join me?

1006
00:55:11,908 --> 00:55:14,210
That's very sweet of
you to ask, but I...

1007
00:55:14,211 --> 00:55:15,978
You're not interested. I get it.

1008
00:55:15,979 --> 00:55:18,813
Story of my life. At
least I tried, right?

1009
00:55:21,250 --> 00:55:22,718
Okay, Eggbert.

1010
00:55:22,719 --> 00:55:24,687
Really? That's great!

1011
00:55:24,688 --> 00:55:26,922
Reservations are at 7:00,
so I'll pick you up at 5:30.

1012
00:55:28,325 --> 00:55:30,392
A chimichanga for the señor.

1013
00:55:30,393 --> 00:55:31,894
Y para la señorita...

1014
00:55:31,895 --> 00:55:35,364
A hot beef and cheese burrito.

1015
00:55:35,365 --> 00:55:37,800
Yummy, yummy, in my tummy!

1016
00:55:37,801 --> 00:55:39,635
Muchas gracias, Armando.

1017
00:55:39,636 --> 00:55:41,369
De nada, Señor Flaps.

1018
00:55:50,579 --> 00:55:52,246
It's hot, hot, hot!

1019
00:55:52,781 --> 00:55:54,416
So Molly.

1020
00:55:54,417 --> 00:55:59,220
What kinds of things are
you passionate about?

1021
00:56:01,724 --> 00:56:04,959
I love fiction books. Do you?

1022
00:56:05,494 --> 00:56:06,994
No, I don't.

1023
00:56:08,664 --> 00:56:10,131
They're not real.

1024
00:56:12,268 --> 00:56:13,936
I like things that are real.

1025
00:56:13,937 --> 00:56:16,739
Oh. I like fiction
books because I think

1026
00:56:16,740 --> 00:56:19,308
- it takes you to a different world.
- Uh-huh.

1027
00:56:19,309 --> 00:56:21,510
- And people create a story...
- Sure.

1028
00:56:21,511 --> 00:56:24,380
And characters that you
fall in love with.

1029
00:56:24,381 --> 00:56:28,417
Yeah, but they're not real.
You know that, right?

1030
00:56:28,418 --> 00:56:31,053
I remember in high school, they
made us read The Great Gatsby,

1031
00:56:31,054 --> 00:56:33,555
and I asked my teacher,
"Did this happen?"

1032
00:56:33,556 --> 00:56:36,458
And he was like, "No."

1033
00:56:36,459 --> 00:56:39,495
And I was like, "Then why
did they write it down?"

1034
00:56:39,496 --> 00:56:41,563
Jesus! What a douchebag!

1035
00:56:41,564 --> 00:56:44,400
Well, he meant well. So we
started seeing each other.

1036
00:56:44,401 --> 00:56:47,736
Meanwhile CSR's Superstore
was becoming a reality

1037
00:56:47,737 --> 00:56:50,104
and there was nothing I
could do to stop it.

1038
00:56:51,340 --> 00:56:53,008
We're gonna obliterate it!

1039
00:56:54,611 --> 00:56:56,645
Molly and I weren't speaking,

1040
00:56:56,646 --> 00:56:59,748
and I was back with my old
girlfriend, my old life.

1041
00:56:59,749 --> 00:57:01,850
And then the
holiday season started.

1042
00:57:01,851 --> 00:57:04,787
Oh, hey. Brenda and I are having a
series of three holiday parties,

1043
00:57:04,788 --> 00:57:07,089
- Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Year's Eve.
- Mmm-hmm.

1044
00:57:07,090 --> 00:57:09,024
- Three parties.
- Got it.

1045
00:57:09,025 --> 00:57:11,593
We'd love it if you
and Tiff could come.

1046
00:57:11,594 --> 00:57:14,096
Well, I've gotta talk to Tiff,
but I'm sure she'll wanna go.

1047
00:57:14,097 --> 00:57:16,932
Great. The first one,
of course, is Thanksgiving.

1048
00:57:16,933 --> 00:57:18,967
- Happy Thanksgiving, Brenda.
- Happy Thanksgiving.

1049
00:57:18,968 --> 00:57:21,704
Hey, everybody! I'm a
Thanksgiving turkey.

1050
00:57:27,776 --> 00:57:29,310
Mmm.

1051
00:57:32,781 --> 00:57:35,551
Dessert's almost ready.
Who wants coffee?

1052
00:57:35,552 --> 00:57:38,654
- I would love a double-cream, no coffee.
- I'll have a half mocha macchiato.

1053
00:57:38,655 --> 00:57:42,591
I'll have a caf, half latte
caramel venti frappacino.

1054
00:57:42,592 --> 00:57:46,060
Boy, whatever happened to
just good old regular coffee?

1055
00:57:48,464 --> 00:57:50,331
- Asshole.
- Cunt.

1056
00:57:52,034 --> 00:57:53,769
- Christmas!
- Now it's Christmas!

1057
00:57:53,770 --> 00:57:55,838
Christmastime charades!
Tiffany, it's your turn.

1058
00:57:55,839 --> 00:57:57,519
- My turn.
- It's your turn.

1059
00:57:58,941 --> 00:58:00,809
On your mark. Get set. Go.

1060
00:58:00,810 --> 00:58:04,813
Okay. Uh...

1061
00:58:04,814 --> 00:58:07,116
For Colored Girls Who Have Considered
Suicide When the Rainbow is Enuf!

1062
00:58:07,117 --> 00:58:08,384
Yes!

1063
00:58:08,385 --> 00:58:09,985
Yeah!

1064
00:58:09,986 --> 00:58:12,087
- It's Chariots of Fire.
- Whoa, whoa, whoa...

1065
00:58:12,088 --> 00:58:14,490
- Chariots of Fire.
- No, no, hon...

1066
00:58:14,491 --> 00:58:15,924
Yay, Brenda!

1067
00:58:15,925 --> 00:58:19,059
- You got it! She got it!
- Wow! That was great, babe!

1068
00:58:19,628 --> 00:58:20,796
Movie. Movie.

1069
00:58:20,797 --> 00:58:22,498
- Paws!
- Laws!

1070
00:58:22,499 --> 00:58:23,599
- Jizz!
- Jews!

1071
00:58:23,600 --> 00:58:24,967
Time's up. Jaws.

1072
00:58:24,968 --> 00:58:26,502
I was doing Jaws.

1073
00:58:28,505 --> 00:58:30,145
Told you I wasn't good at this.

1074
00:58:30,639 --> 00:58:32,339
You're great at this.

1075
00:58:36,678 --> 00:58:38,180
- Now it's New Year's!
- Now it's New Year's Eve!

1076
00:58:38,181 --> 00:58:39,581
Two minutes until the New Year!

1077
00:58:39,582 --> 00:58:40,783
New Year's Eve.

1078
00:58:48,624 --> 00:58:50,224
- Hey.
- Hi.

1079
00:58:53,128 --> 00:58:54,862
You look great.

1080
00:58:55,631 --> 00:58:57,699
Thanks. So do you.

1081
00:58:57,700 --> 00:59:01,136
All right, everybody, get ready.
It's one more minute.

1082
00:59:01,137 --> 00:59:02,871
I'm gonna get a drink.
Do you want one?

1083
00:59:02,872 --> 00:59:05,239
Oh, uh... I'm all right.

1084
00:59:11,079 --> 00:59:12,981
Everybody, listen up!

1085
00:59:12,982 --> 00:59:15,017
I got somethin' to say.

1086
00:59:15,018 --> 00:59:17,085
I wasn't gonna do this tonight, but

1087
00:59:17,086 --> 00:59:19,620
I was just thinkin' about
it, and what the heck?

1088
00:59:20,656 --> 00:59:22,356
Hey, Molly.

1089
00:59:24,194 --> 00:59:26,260
Will you marry me?

1090
00:59:34,837 --> 00:59:36,505
Yes.

1091
00:59:36,506 --> 00:59:38,105
Yes?

1092
00:59:38,807 --> 00:59:40,576
Yes?

1093
00:59:40,577 --> 00:59:42,042
Yes.

1094
00:59:43,011 --> 00:59:46,715
Eight, seven, six...

1095
00:59:46,716 --> 00:59:47,950
- Oh, happy day!
- Five, four,

1096
00:59:47,951 --> 00:59:51,053
three, two, one.

1097
00:59:51,054 --> 00:59:53,522
Happy New Year!

1098
00:59:55,024 --> 00:59:57,960
Why did you say yes?
He's so clearly wrong for you.

1099
00:59:57,961 --> 00:59:59,962
It's one of those weird ones.

1100
00:59:59,963 --> 01:00:02,598
I guess that's just what it is,
one of those weird ones, huh?

1101
01:00:02,599 --> 01:00:05,501
Shall we just chalk it up
to that and move on?

1102
01:00:09,172 --> 01:00:11,038
Happy New Year!

1103
01:00:11,573 --> 01:00:13,242
Do you love me?

1104
01:00:13,243 --> 01:00:15,744
I love Saturdays.

1105
01:00:15,745 --> 01:00:19,513
I know you love Saturdays,
but do you love me?

1106
01:00:20,749 --> 01:00:24,786
I think you're A-okay.

1107
01:00:24,787 --> 01:00:27,289
How many times do I have to
say it before you believe me?

1108
01:00:27,290 --> 01:00:30,626
Look, there's something
I need to tell you.

1109
01:00:30,627 --> 01:00:34,296
Ever since you and I got back together,
something hasn't felt right.

1110
01:00:34,297 --> 01:00:39,167
I think deep down, you're
a horrible person.

1111
01:00:39,168 --> 01:00:41,136
Granted, you're smoking hot.

1112
01:00:41,137 --> 01:00:43,305
And that's something no one
could ever take away from you.

1113
01:00:43,306 --> 01:00:46,675
Except of course, Father Time, who will
most certainly take that away from you

1114
01:00:46,676 --> 01:00:48,810
sooner rather than later.
But that's not my point.

1115
01:00:48,811 --> 01:00:49,878
What is your point?

1116
01:00:49,879 --> 01:00:51,545
My point is...

1117
01:00:53,115 --> 01:00:55,918
I'm sorry, but it's over.

1118
01:00:55,919 --> 01:00:58,587
Are you breaking up with me?

1119
01:00:58,588 --> 01:01:02,558
Yes. And I should have
done it a long time ago.

1120
01:01:02,559 --> 01:01:05,025
You and I are like rain-proofing
on a wooden deck.

1121
01:01:05,561 --> 01:01:06,862
Finished.

1122
01:01:06,863 --> 01:01:08,730
Well, fine.

1123
01:01:08,731 --> 01:01:11,600
And you want to know
something? I always faked it.

1124
01:01:11,601 --> 01:01:13,635
Faked what? Your orgasms?

1125
01:01:13,636 --> 01:01:16,570
No, Joel. I'm not
who you think I am.

1126
01:01:21,944 --> 01:01:23,111
Judge Judy?

1127
01:01:23,112 --> 01:01:24,846
That's right. And for the record,

1128
01:01:24,847 --> 01:01:27,681
those orgasms were
as real as they get.

1129
01:01:28,884 --> 01:01:31,585
Now get your shit together, Joel.

1130
01:01:36,326 --> 01:01:38,193
It all fell apart that night.

1131
01:01:38,194 --> 01:01:39,595
As the weeks and months passed,

1132
01:01:39,596 --> 01:01:41,330
I tried to move on with my life.

1133
01:01:41,331 --> 01:01:44,333
I tried to focus on my
work, started exercising,

1134
01:01:44,334 --> 01:01:46,935
and got married, but
it didn't pan out.

1135
01:01:46,936 --> 01:01:50,097
By the time Spring came, I thought
I might finally be over Molly.

1136
01:01:50,906 --> 01:01:53,273
Then I noticed something
on my fridge.

1137
01:02:42,257 --> 01:02:44,793
- Are you okay, bubela?
- Hmm...

1138
01:02:44,794 --> 01:02:47,528
Oh, yeah. I'm good. I'm just

1139
01:02:48,930 --> 01:02:51,066
thinking about some stuff.

1140
01:02:51,067 --> 01:02:52,868
Let me tell you a little story.

1141
01:02:52,869 --> 01:02:54,870
Wait! Who is this person?

1142
01:02:54,871 --> 01:02:56,738
My bubby.

1143
01:02:56,739 --> 01:02:58,840
The lady I was talking about
that likes fiction books?

1144
01:02:58,841 --> 01:03:02,210
- Oh, your grandmother.
- Yeah.

1145
01:03:02,211 --> 01:03:06,248
Let me tell you a little story.
It's about bagels.

1146
01:03:06,249 --> 01:03:08,116
Wait, say no more. I've got it.

1147
01:03:08,117 --> 01:03:10,419
You were gonna say the bagels are a
metaphor for the circle of life.

1148
01:03:10,420 --> 01:03:11,853
No, I wasn't gonna say that.

1149
01:03:11,854 --> 01:03:12,988
Oh, my God, of course!

1150
01:03:12,989 --> 01:03:14,856
How could I have not seen it?

1151
01:03:14,857 --> 01:03:17,926
I let my desire to land the
Dickricker account cloud my judgment!

1152
01:03:17,927 --> 01:03:20,128
I know exactly what to do!
Thank you, Bubby!

1153
01:03:20,129 --> 01:03:23,730
Oh, Joel, I'm so proud of you!

1154
01:03:34,476 --> 01:03:36,144
What are we doin'?

1155
01:03:36,145 --> 01:03:38,278
I don't know, but
it feels so right.

1156
01:03:39,848 --> 01:03:42,417
Oh, God, Bubby, I wanna
fuck you so bad.

1157
01:03:42,418 --> 01:03:45,819
Do it. Do it, Joel.
Don't overthink this.

1158
01:03:50,992 --> 01:03:53,462
Oh, no. I...

1159
01:03:53,463 --> 01:03:54,996
I should go.

1160
01:03:54,997 --> 01:03:57,197
Yeah, I get it.

1161
01:04:02,437 --> 01:04:04,172
Hey, Bubby.

1162
01:04:04,173 --> 01:04:05,906
Yes, bubela?

1163
01:04:08,944 --> 01:04:10,644
Thanks.

1164
01:04:17,986 --> 01:04:19,955
All those in favor
of demolishing Upper

1165
01:04:19,956 --> 01:04:22,090
Sweet Side once and
for all, say "aye."

1166
01:04:22,091 --> 01:04:23,325
Aye.

1167
01:04:23,326 --> 01:04:24,392
Wait!

1168
01:04:24,393 --> 01:04:26,027
Joel? What are you doing here?

1169
01:04:26,028 --> 01:04:27,362
We can't do this.

1170
01:04:27,363 --> 01:04:29,297
Oh, yes, we can. And we are.

1171
01:04:29,298 --> 01:04:30,832
- It's wrong.
- "Wrong"?

1172
01:04:30,833 --> 01:04:31,833
Yeah. It's wrong.

1173
01:04:31,834 --> 01:04:34,002
"It's"?

1174
01:04:34,003 --> 01:04:35,537
It's terribly wrong, and
I'm gonna explain why.

1175
01:04:35,538 --> 01:04:36,838
"Why"?

1176
01:04:36,839 --> 01:04:38,240
Trevor, let me speak.

1177
01:04:38,241 --> 01:04:41,343
- What...
- Let him speak.

1178
01:04:41,344 --> 01:04:45,914
Look, we didn't get into the candy
game to make money, did we?

1179
01:04:45,915 --> 01:04:49,184
We got into the candy
game to make candy

1180
01:04:49,185 --> 01:04:51,052
for kids of all ages to enjoy.

1181
01:04:51,053 --> 01:04:53,887
Because we're not
money people, people.

1182
01:04:54,956 --> 01:04:56,490
We're candy people.

1183
01:04:57,793 --> 01:04:59,459
We're candy people.

1184
01:05:01,363 --> 01:05:03,764
Used to be a time when
we all believed that.

1185
01:05:04,900 --> 01:05:06,700
Remember those days, Habermeyer?

1186
01:05:08,203 --> 01:05:09,903
Martinson?

1187
01:05:12,040 --> 01:05:15,210
Isn't there room in New York City
for two candy stores, Roland?

1188
01:05:15,211 --> 01:05:18,013
Don't be seduced by his word jazz.

1189
01:05:18,014 --> 01:05:19,580
Shut up, Trevor.

1190
01:05:20,448 --> 01:05:22,649
You may have a point, Joel.

1191
01:05:24,152 --> 01:05:25,686
Keep going.

1192
01:05:27,489 --> 01:05:31,092
If we lock the trunk and throw away
the key on Molly's little candy shop,

1193
01:05:31,093 --> 01:05:32,561
aren't we really locking the trunk

1194
01:05:32,562 --> 01:05:34,995
and throwing away the
key on ourselves?

1195
01:05:37,232 --> 01:05:40,502
Saving Molly's candy shop
isn't about saving the shop.

1196
01:05:40,503 --> 01:05:42,404
Saving that little candy shop

1197
01:05:42,405 --> 01:05:46,240
is about saving life on
Earth as we know it!

1198
01:05:48,143 --> 01:05:51,678
That's all I've got. I'm sorry
to have wasted your time.

1199
01:05:52,214 --> 01:05:53,880
He's right.

1200
01:05:57,953 --> 01:06:00,887
Well, well, well.

1201
01:06:02,424 --> 01:06:05,327
You just got yourself a big
promotion and a corner office.

1202
01:06:05,328 --> 01:06:07,262
What?

1203
01:06:07,263 --> 01:06:10,565
Oh, my God. I'm so shocked. I wasn't
expecting that to happen at all.

1204
01:06:10,566 --> 01:06:14,169
This is ridiculous. That
corner office was mine!

1205
01:06:14,170 --> 01:06:16,371
I'm sorry, Trevor. Didn't
you hear? You're fired!

1206
01:06:16,372 --> 01:06:19,140
And if your desk isn't
empty by tomorrow morning,

1207
01:06:19,141 --> 01:06:21,176
I am gonna have your
license revoked.

1208
01:06:21,177 --> 01:06:22,277
What license?

1209
01:06:22,278 --> 01:06:23,979
It's over, Trevor.

1210
01:06:23,980 --> 01:06:26,181
Now get out of here
before I change my mind!

1211
01:06:26,182 --> 01:06:29,384
No, I want you to change your
mind. Then I'll still have a job.

1212
01:06:29,385 --> 01:06:30,285
Go!

1213
01:06:33,622 --> 01:06:36,790
And one more thing.
John, come on in here!

1214
01:06:38,627 --> 01:06:40,095
John Dickricker?

1215
01:06:40,096 --> 01:06:42,964
That's right, Joel. This
is John Dickricker,

1216
01:06:42,965 --> 01:06:47,002
and the Dickricker
account is yours again.

1217
01:06:48,004 --> 01:06:49,104
Wow!

1218
01:06:49,105 --> 01:06:51,640
I'm overwhelmed.

1219
01:06:51,641 --> 01:06:54,175
- But I'm sorry, I can't accept your offer.
- What?

1220
01:06:54,176 --> 01:06:56,945
I'm tendering my resignation, Roland.

1221
01:06:56,946 --> 01:06:59,547
That's right, everybody. I quit.

1222
01:06:59,548 --> 01:07:01,149
Effective immediately.

1223
01:07:01,150 --> 01:07:02,584
I'm gonna pursue my dream and open

1224
01:07:02,585 --> 01:07:05,120
my own coffee shop, "Cup of Joel".

1225
01:07:05,121 --> 01:07:08,623
You've probably all heard of "cup
of joe". This is a play on that.

1226
01:07:08,624 --> 01:07:10,659
- 'Cause of my name being Joel.
- Oh...

1227
01:07:10,660 --> 01:07:14,296
Yeah. So you get it. "Cup of Joel,"
"cup of joe," "Cup of Joel."

1228
01:07:14,297 --> 01:07:15,630
Oh, cute.

1229
01:07:15,631 --> 01:07:17,964
I'll help you, Joel. I quit, too.

1230
01:07:19,935 --> 01:07:22,337
It's okay. I've got it.
But thank you.

1231
01:07:22,338 --> 01:07:23,972
Oh...

1232
01:07:23,973 --> 01:07:25,106
All hail Joel!

1233
01:07:28,977 --> 01:07:30,777
Here's to you, Joel.

1234
01:07:33,548 --> 01:07:35,550
Where's Bob?

1235
01:07:35,551 --> 01:07:38,653
Oh, Bob's at that woman
Molly's wedding.

1236
01:07:38,654 --> 01:07:42,324
Oh... Oh, Joel, I'm so sorry.
I thought you knew.

1237
01:07:42,325 --> 01:07:44,958
She's getting married
in, like, 20 minutes.

1238
01:07:46,661 --> 01:07:48,895
I have to do something.

1239
01:08:07,749 --> 01:08:09,985
Uptown! And step on it!
I'm in a huge hurry!

1240
01:08:09,986 --> 01:08:11,720
I can't do it, man. I'm off duty.

1241
01:08:11,721 --> 01:08:14,222
Damn it, I'm screwed!

1242
01:08:14,223 --> 01:08:16,558
But in your case, brother,
I'll make an exception.

1243
01:08:16,559 --> 01:08:18,493
Jake.

1244
01:08:18,494 --> 01:08:20,595
Finally got that job, huh?

1245
01:08:20,596 --> 01:08:23,831
You're not the only one in this family
who's getting his shit together.

1246
01:08:25,000 --> 01:08:26,601
Now let's go get you that girl.

1247
01:08:39,481 --> 01:08:42,584
I'm terrified, Daddy. Am
I doing the right thing?

1248
01:08:42,585 --> 01:08:45,185
Oh, Honey, if Eggbert's
the one, you'll know.

1249
01:08:46,254 --> 01:08:47,322
Let's go, let's go!

1250
01:08:47,323 --> 01:08:48,390
We're almost there!

1251
01:08:48,391 --> 01:08:50,657
Oh, God, come on, come on!

1252
01:08:53,294 --> 01:08:55,095
You may be seated.

1253
01:09:05,573 --> 01:09:07,742
Hey, pretty lady.

1254
01:09:07,743 --> 01:09:11,579
Eggbert, do you notice
anything different about me?

1255
01:09:11,580 --> 01:09:13,046
Anything at all?

1256
01:09:15,583 --> 01:09:18,452
No. You look incredible.

1257
01:09:18,787 --> 01:09:21,121
Oh, I knew it.

1258
01:09:22,424 --> 01:09:25,427
Eggbert, I'm sorry.
You're a very nice man.

1259
01:09:25,428 --> 01:09:29,729
But I would rather be alone and
happy than with you and unhappy.

1260
01:09:31,299 --> 01:09:32,700
What are you saying?

1261
01:09:32,701 --> 01:09:35,270
It's not you. It's me.

1262
01:09:35,271 --> 01:09:37,572
I'm sorry, Eggbert. Thank
you for showing me

1263
01:09:37,573 --> 01:09:40,907
what a big mistake it would
be if I married you today.

1264
01:09:46,648 --> 01:09:48,248
Molly, where are you going?

1265
01:09:59,360 --> 01:10:00,994
Hey, Aunt Flo!

1266
01:10:01,796 --> 01:10:04,097
Molly, I love you!

1267
01:10:04,799 --> 01:10:07,100
She's not here, Joel!

1268
01:10:08,203 --> 01:10:10,170
What? Where is she?

1269
01:10:11,339 --> 01:10:12,874
Your guess is as good as mine.

1270
01:10:12,875 --> 01:10:17,545
She was here at the
altar, and then she left,

1271
01:10:17,546 --> 01:10:21,047
and we don't have any way
to know where she might be.

1272
01:10:23,118 --> 01:10:24,584
I think I know.

1273
01:10:25,120 --> 01:10:26,586
Follow me!

1274
01:10:27,689 --> 01:10:29,155
What?

1275
01:10:33,394 --> 01:10:34,596
- Sox!
- Celtics!

1276
01:10:34,597 --> 01:10:36,162
Ben Affleck!

1277
01:10:36,865 --> 01:10:39,200
She's not here.

1278
01:10:39,201 --> 01:10:41,001
Are you sure that's what she said?

1279
01:10:41,703 --> 01:10:44,137
I know where she is! Follow me!

1280
01:10:54,816 --> 01:10:56,683
She's not here.

1281
01:10:57,218 --> 01:10:58,453
Joel!

1282
01:10:58,454 --> 01:10:59,621
You are here!

1283
01:11:03,358 --> 01:11:04,792
I've come for you.

1284
01:11:04,793 --> 01:11:07,195
- It's too late.
- What?

1285
01:11:07,196 --> 01:11:08,897
There's nothing left for me here.

1286
01:11:08,898 --> 01:11:12,400
My flight leaves in an hour.
I have to leave.

1287
01:11:12,401 --> 01:11:13,668
Wait!

1288
01:11:13,669 --> 01:11:15,570
Molly.

1289
01:11:15,571 --> 01:11:17,170
I love you.

1290
01:11:17,872 --> 01:11:20,642
I don't know what
you want me to say.

1291
01:11:20,643 --> 01:11:22,443
You ran my business
into the ground.

1292
01:11:22,444 --> 01:11:23,878
No, he didn't!

1293
01:11:23,879 --> 01:11:26,681
No, he did not.

1294
01:11:26,682 --> 01:11:30,251
Molly, not only did Joel
save your candy shop,

1295
01:11:30,252 --> 01:11:33,153
but he also made it
possible for it to flourish

1296
01:11:33,688 --> 01:11:35,155
forever.

1297
01:11:36,558 --> 01:11:38,193
Forever.

1298
01:11:38,194 --> 01:11:40,628
This is the same guy who pooped in
his costume at the Halloween party?

1299
01:11:40,629 --> 01:11:42,195
That's right.

1300
01:11:44,332 --> 01:11:45,600
Thank you, Joel.

1301
01:11:45,601 --> 01:11:47,067
I misjudged you.

1302
01:11:47,602 --> 01:11:49,637
Give me another chance!

1303
01:11:49,638 --> 01:11:51,372
I don't know how I'm
supposed to respond to that.

1304
01:11:51,373 --> 01:11:55,410
By saying, "Yes, Joel, I'll
give you another chance."

1305
01:11:55,411 --> 01:11:58,213
Oh, come on, Molly.
Give him another chance.

1306
01:11:58,214 --> 01:11:59,681
I'm sorry. I have to go.

1307
01:11:59,682 --> 01:12:02,650
Wait! Then how about this?

1308
01:12:02,651 --> 01:12:05,553
I love how you make a goofy face every
time you don't know what to say.

1309
01:12:07,423 --> 01:12:09,224
I love how you order a muffin.

1310
01:12:09,225 --> 01:12:10,658
Joel.

1311
01:12:10,659 --> 01:12:13,428
Oh, Molly, I guess what
I'm trying to say is,

1312
01:12:13,429 --> 01:12:17,699
I saw those Groucho glasses
stuck to your face

1313
01:12:17,700 --> 01:12:21,167
and I promise I'll notice them
every single time you put them on.

1314
01:12:21,803 --> 01:12:23,571
Listen to me. If you're asking me

1315
01:12:23,572 --> 01:12:25,873
to give you a second
chance, the answer...

1316
01:12:25,874 --> 01:12:27,709
Wait!

1317
01:12:27,710 --> 01:12:29,444
Molly.

1318
01:12:29,445 --> 01:12:31,512
Frank?

1319
01:12:31,513 --> 01:12:33,815
- Frank, my old boyfriend. Remember?
- Right.

1320
01:12:33,816 --> 01:12:37,619
What are you doing here?
Where's Mia, the yoga instructor?

1321
01:12:37,620 --> 01:12:39,487
Thought you two had
eloped and gone to Paris.

1322
01:12:39,488 --> 01:12:41,321
She died, so that's over.

1323
01:12:42,490 --> 01:12:44,759
Marry me, Molly.

1324
01:12:44,760 --> 01:12:48,027
No, Frank. It's too late for that.

1325
01:12:49,464 --> 01:12:51,164
Okay.

1326
01:12:54,302 --> 01:12:57,438
- Anyway, my answer is...
- Molly! Molly!

1327
01:12:57,439 --> 01:13:01,042
- Oh, my sister.
- Molly!

1328
01:13:01,043 --> 01:13:05,513
Spike, your ex-husband and Tucker's
dad, just got released from jail.

1329
01:13:05,514 --> 01:13:08,283
And he knows about Joel, and he's
really pissed, and he's coming now!

1330
01:13:08,284 --> 01:13:09,884
What?

1331
01:13:09,885 --> 01:13:12,045
Oh, shit! Look out,
Joel! He's got a sword!

1332
01:13:15,356 --> 01:13:21,062
Oh, I'm gonna kill you. You can't
take my family away from me!

1333
01:13:21,063 --> 01:13:22,397
Joel, duck!

1334
01:13:34,008 --> 01:13:35,709
Yeah!

1335
01:13:51,025 --> 01:13:53,428
Good job, Joel.

1336
01:13:53,429 --> 01:13:55,363
You ain't seen the last
of me, Billy Joel!

1337
01:13:55,364 --> 01:13:56,998
You ain't seen the last of me!

1338
01:13:56,999 --> 01:13:58,733
Tell it to the judge, Spike.

1339
01:13:58,734 --> 01:14:00,535
You're going back to
prison where you belong.

1340
01:14:00,536 --> 01:14:04,105
I always loved you, bitch!

1341
01:14:04,106 --> 01:14:07,041
And "good job" for Molly's sister
Katherine, too, for alerting us.

1342
01:14:08,644 --> 01:14:10,310
Thanks, everybody!

1343
01:14:12,447 --> 01:14:15,950
Oh, for cryin' out loud,
Molly, will you marry me?

1344
01:14:15,951 --> 01:14:18,586
And don't anyone interrupt me
this time, okay?

1345
01:14:22,090 --> 01:14:23,624
Joel.

1346
01:14:23,625 --> 01:14:26,527
I think maybe we're getting
ahead of ourselves.

1347
01:14:26,528 --> 01:14:28,796
Let's go get a cup of coffee.

1348
01:14:28,797 --> 01:14:32,599
Yeah. Coffee. That sounds good.

1349
01:14:32,600 --> 01:14:33,868
That sounds great!

1350
01:14:53,454 --> 01:14:55,556
Ladies and gentlemen, presenting

1351
01:14:55,557 --> 01:14:57,357
Cup of Joel!

1352
01:15:17,445 --> 01:15:19,046
That is a crazy story!

1353
01:15:19,047 --> 01:15:20,481
Told ya!

1354
01:15:20,482 --> 01:15:21,949
It's like a corny romantic comedy.

1355
01:15:21,950 --> 01:15:23,117
It is.

1356
01:15:23,118 --> 01:15:25,186
It was such a great beginning,

1357
01:15:25,187 --> 01:15:27,388
why did you guys decide
to get a divorce?

1358
01:15:28,122 --> 01:15:31,125
Well, things got pretty
rough after that.

1359
01:15:31,126 --> 01:15:33,895
Roland's promise to keep my
store flourishing forever,

1360
01:15:33,896 --> 01:15:36,864
well, it turned out to be a little bit
more complicated than we thought.

1361
01:15:36,865 --> 01:15:39,000
Long story short,
the store is gone.

1362
01:15:39,001 --> 01:15:42,804
And Cup of Joel basically crashed
and burned after a week.

1363
01:15:42,805 --> 01:15:44,772
I mean, it really wasn't anything.

1364
01:15:44,773 --> 01:15:47,508
And as much as little Tucker
loved havin' a new dad around,

1365
01:15:47,509 --> 01:15:51,045
he was pretty traumatized seein' his real
dad get shot in the face by the police.

1366
01:15:51,046 --> 01:15:53,514
The debts started to pile up and

1367
01:15:53,515 --> 01:15:55,750
I started taking pills
to numb the pain.

1368
01:15:55,751 --> 01:15:57,483
And then...

1369
01:15:59,153 --> 01:16:01,889
I started sleeping
with Frank again.

1370
01:16:01,890 --> 01:16:03,624
But enough of our sob stories.

1371
01:16:03,625 --> 01:16:05,560
The bottom line is,
we mutually decided

1372
01:16:05,561 --> 01:16:08,029
that we were better off
as friends than spouses.

1373
01:16:08,030 --> 01:16:10,198
- Yeah.
- There's no need to belabor it.

1374
01:16:10,199 --> 01:16:12,867
Let's talk about something
happier, shall we?

1375
01:16:12,868 --> 01:16:15,568
Karen, hearing this story
makes me realize that

1376
01:16:16,471 --> 01:16:18,840
I want out.

1377
01:16:18,841 --> 01:16:21,809
Seriously, I don't ever want
to see you again.

1378
01:16:21,810 --> 01:16:24,679
He's joking. You're
joking, right, Kyle?

1379
01:16:24,680 --> 01:16:27,114
Of course I'm joking!

1380
01:16:27,115 --> 01:16:29,584
What?

1381
01:16:29,585 --> 01:16:31,618
You are the love of my life.

1382
01:16:32,854 --> 01:16:35,121
That was such a good joke.

1383
01:16:38,961 --> 01:16:41,594
- Stop.
- I'm gonna leave you, you knucklehead.

1384
01:16:44,765 --> 01:16:47,869
Well, what do you think?

1385
01:16:47,870 --> 01:16:50,003
Should we give it another shot?

1386
01:16:53,508 --> 01:16:54,876
Why not?

1387
01:17:01,549 --> 01:17:03,983
I told you it was
gonna be a crazy day.

1388
01:17:07,823 --> 01:17:09,724
Have you guys seen that new
exhibit at the museum?

1389
01:17:09,725 --> 01:17:12,627
- Oh, it's so special.
- Oh, we missed it.

1390
01:17:12,628 --> 01:17:14,662
You can take the subway
there. One of the lines.

1391
01:17:14,663 --> 01:17:17,397
Only in New York, right?