The Shadowrian Shift

    Narrator: Ah, The Krusty Kat. Bikini Bottom's premiere daytime eatery. Where it will be closing time right about...
    Ank: [talks cheerfully as he switched the Open sign to Closed] Now! 8: 00! So long, suckers! I've got a hot date with a little lady, and her name is: [pulls out his clarinet] Clarinet. [Tiamat shows up at the door and knocks on it] What?
    Tiamat: Are you open?
    Ank: [points to sign] Read the sign.
    Tiamat: I'll have a Kitty Patty Deluxe and a double chili kelp fries.
    Ank: No, you won't! I can't hang out here all night! I've got a life.
    Tiamat: Well fine, if you don't want my money!
    Ms. Kit: [says cheerfully] MONEY?! [Ms. Kit then falls from the ceiling on top of Ank] You mean, if we stayed open later, you'd give us your money?
    Tiamat: [pulls out cash, Sadie, an anchovy, and an old man appear behind him] Sure!
    Ms. Kit: Mr. Ank, [tears up the Closed sign] welcome to the night shift. From now on, the Krusty Kat is open 24 hours a day.
    Ank: WHAT!? [crowd of fish barge in cheering]
    Xerizero: Wow! Now we never have to stop working!
    Ank: Ms. Kit..
    Ms. Kit: See ya in the morning, boys! I can't hang out here all night! I've got a life. [leaves]
    Ank: Ms. Kit?
    Xerizero: Isn't this great Ank?! Just you and me together for hours and hours and hours and then the sun'll come up and it'll be tomorrow and we'll still be working! [gasps] It'll be just like a sleepover! Only we'll be sweaty and covered with grease! [jumps on cash register counter] Are you ready to rock, Ank?!
    Ank: No.
    Xerizero: Good! 'Cause we've got customers!
    Ank: [Sandals walks up to counter; Ank hands him a baseball bat] Here. Please hit me as hard as you can.
    Xerizero: Psst, Ank. I'm working in the kitchen [laughs] at night!
    Ank: [takes hat off; leans head on counter] Don't hold back.
    Xerizero: [cuts to Xerizero in kitchen] Hey Ank. Guess what, I'm chopping lettuce..at night. [cuts to Xerizero in the bathroom wiping it clean with himself] Look at me, I'm swabbing the bathroom...at night. [cuts to Xerizero at the grill picking up spatula, misses the spatula and hits the grill; screams] I BURNED MY HAND!!...at night. [cuts to Xerizero walking on the counter, singing to the tune of Charge] Night, night, night, night, night, night, night, night, night, night, night, night, na-na-na-na-night! NIGHT!
    Ank: WILL YOU PLEASE?! Here, [hands Xerizero a bag of garbage] give me a moment's peace and take out the trash!
    Xerizero: All right! [takes bag from Ank] Taking out the trash. Taking out the trash...at night. [stops at the door] You mean outside?
    Ank: That's where the dumpster is, yes.
    Xerizero: I don't know, Ank, [leans face against window] it's kinda dark out there.
    Ank: But I thought you liked the night shift.
    Xerizero: You're right! [lifts bag over his head] For the Krusty Kat! [runs out of the building to the dumpster, screaming and panicking the whole way; reenters the building panting heavily. snaps his fingers and confidently says] Piece of cake!
    Ank: So you're not afraid?
    Xerizero: Pfft, nah.
    Ank: Well I am. Especially after, [looks around, gulps] well, you know.
    Xerizero: [turns around] What? What do I know?
    Ank: You don't remember? It was all over the news.
    Xerizero: Tell me! Tell me!
    Ank: No, no, no, I probably shouldn't. It would ruin the night shift for you. [gives a sympathetic look, then smiles slyly]
    Xerizero: [excitedly] What happened, what happened, what happened!?
    Ank: You mean you've never heard the story of the [thinks] "Hash-Slinging Slasher?"
    Xerizero: The Slash-Bringing Hasher?
    Ank: The Hash-Slinging Slasher!
    Xerizero: The Sash-Ringing, the Trash-Singing, Mash-Flinging, The Flash-Springing, Ringing, The Cr-Crash-Dinging, daa.
    Ank: Yes. The Hash-Slinging Slasher. But, most people just call him The Ha [breaks into scream] because that's all they have time to say before he GETS THEM!
    Xerizero: [begging] Tell me the story!
    Ank: Years ago at this very restaurant, the Hash-Slinging Slasher used to be a fry cook - just like you - only clumsier. And then, one night, when he was cutting the patties ...it happened.
    Xerizero: He forgot the secret sauce?
    Ank: No.
    Xerizero: He didn't wash his hands?
    Ank: No!
    Xerizero: Irregular portions?
    Ank: NO! He cut off his own hand by mistake.
    Xerizero: You mean like this? [pulls one of his arms out of socket, another one grows back in its place] Or like this? [pulls it again, another one grows back] Or this? [does it again] Or this? [does it again] But what about this? Or this, or this, or this, or...
    Ank: [interrupts] Except he wasn't a sponge!
    Xerizero: [ask with all his extra hands creating a rainbow-like line] So?
    Ank: SO IT DIDN'T GROW BACK!!
    Xerizero: [screams] OH, NO! [all his extra arms lift their hands upwards and run away]
    Ank: And he replaced his hand with a rusty spatula. And then, he got hit by a bus! And..at his funeral, they fired him! So now, every...what day is it?
    Xerizero: Tuesday.
    Ank: Tuesday night, his ghost returns to The Krusty Kat to wreak his horrible vengeance.
    Xerizero: [gasps] But tonight's Tuesday night!
    Ank: Then he'll be coming.
    Xerizero: How will we know?
    Ank: There are three signs that signal the approach of the Hash-Slinging Slasher. First, the lights will flicker on and off. Next..
    Harold: [interrupts] Dude, can I have some ketchup?
    Ank: Oh, here you go. [hands him ketchup] Next, the phone will ring and there will be nobody there. [shows Xerizero eating his fingernails] And finally, the Hash- Slinging Slasher arrives in the ghost of the bus that ran him over. [shows Xerizero eating his fingernails, starts eating his arms, the arms regrows and he eats those and then he eats his arms like popcorn] Then he exits the bus and crosses the street without looking both ways because he's already dead! [Xerizero begins eating his hands like popcorn]Then he taps on the window with his grizzly spatula hand..
    Xerizero: No.
    Ank: He opens the door [pushes his tentacle to Xerizero's face, making it looking like he's a door that's being opened; while doing this he imitates the sound of a squeaky door opening. leans torwards Xerizero's face, which sinks in] He slowly approaches the counter ["counter" echoes menacingly] ...and you know what he does next?
    Xerizero: What?
    Ank: You really want to know?
    Xerizero: What?
    Ank: Are you sure you want to know?
    Xerizero: WHAT, WHAT, WHAT DOES HE DO?!?!
    Ank: [sneaks up on Xerizero, taps him] He gets ya! [Xerizero now screams repeatedly for about 20 seconds while Ank is laughing] Xerizero... [continues screaming] Xerizero I wa... [screaming continues] I was ju... [Xerizero's pupils are now screaming too] I was jus... [screaming continues] Xerizero, I WAS JOKING!
    Xerizero: What?
    Ank: It's not true! None of it's true!
    Xerizero: It's not?
    Ank: Of course not. Nobody has a spatula for a hand. It was all a joke.
    Xerizero: Ohhhhh. [laughs repeatedly like he did with screaming] [cuts into later in the night. Shows Krusty Kat with a big sign that says 'Open Forever'] {{L|Ank is shown at the counter reading a book. Ank hears spooky noises and feels water dripping on him but he doesn't know what it is]
    Xerizero: [on the ceiling wearing suction cups cleaning] Isn't this great, Ank? [Ank screams] There's never time to wash the ceiling during the day.
    Ank: [says to himself] Open 24 hours a day. What a stupid idea! Who wants a Kitty Patty at three in the morning?
    [cuts to Jack's bedroom]
    Jack: [Jack's alarm clock goes off] Oh boy! Three A.M.! [whips out a Kitty Patty and starts to eat it; cuts back to The Krusty Kat]
    Ank: Just look at this place. It's like a ghost town in here! [lights start to flicker on and off] Very funny, Xerizero.
    Xerizero: What?
    Ank: "And the lights will flicker on and off." Just like the story. I get it. [realizes no one is flickering the light switch and looks shocked]
    Xerizero: Hey Ank, how are you doing that without moving the switch?
    Ank: I'm not doing it. It must be the stupid, faulty wiring in here. This place isn't built to run 24 hours a day! [phone rings, Ank picks it up] What, what, hello? Hello? Hello?
    Xerizero: [walks up to the counter] Nice try, Ank.
    Ank: Nice try, what?
    Xerizero: "The phone will ring and there will be no one there." [raises eyebrows up and down and giggles] Oh, you crack me up.
    Ank: Xerizero, I'm not doing this. [hangs up phone] Oh no, calm down, calm down. All right, what was it? There was the lights, [lights flicker on and off] and the phone, [phone rings] and the walls will ooze green slime! [walls start to ooze green slime] No, wait. They always do that. But what was that third thing? [hears a motor, turns his head; a bus pulls up to the Krusty Kat doors]
    Xerizero: [walks up to the counter] I didn't know the buses ran this late.
    Ank: They don't! [a man gets out of the bus and the bus pulls away, all Ank and Xerizero can see is his spooky outline]
    Xerizero: Well they're dropping someone off. [from the outside, the man lifts his spatula]
    Ank: [screams to the point where hair grows from his head and starts wiggling]
    Ank: THE SASH-RINGING, FLASH-SINGING, THE BASH-PINGING...
    Xerizero: The Hash-Slinging Slasher! [starts to cry]
    Ank: At last you understand! We're doomed!
    Xerizero: No, that's not it. [wipes tear] I am just so touched that you would go through the trouble to dress up as a ghostly fry cook and stand on the other side of the street, just to entertain me! You must really like me! [cries again]
    Ank: Xerizero, there are two problems with your theory. One - I hate you. And two - how can that be me when I'm standing right here!? [the man taps on the door with his spatula]
    Xerizero: [screams to the point where his eyelashes grow and start wiggling]
    Xerizero & Ank: THE HASH-SLINGING SLASHER!!! [the guy walks in the door and up to the counter]
    Ank: Xerizero, no matter what I've said, I've always sort of liked you.
    Xerizero: Ank, I used your clarinet to unclog my toilet.
    Ank: Huh? [a nerdy unnamed guy reaches the counter]
    Loki: Can I have a job application? I brought my own spatula. [holds up spatula] I called here earlier but I hung up 'cause I was nervous.
    Xerizero: Do you have references?
    Ank: Wait, if that was you on the phone and you on the bus, then who was flickering the lights? [lights flicker on and off; Xerizero, Ank and Loki look over to see Puritus]
    Xerizero, Ank & Loki: Puritus!
    Puritus: [smiles. light turns off]