2018 bla bla

2017 and plans for 2018

Oh boy, I don't have a lot of time so I'll keep everything brief.

2017 started with me saying "2017 will be my year!" - I wanted to go back into streaming properly, release my game in early access, work on game architects and get our 2nd game project properly started ...

Yup, so many plans - literally all of them ended up not as good as I thought they would be.
Except for university - that one went relatively well, lol

The more I tried to stream, the more I realized how much I did not enjoy forcing myself anymore.
I had to surpress my emotions in order to stream and keep everything up.

As it was my only source of income, I had to function - there was no way around it.

My average day was to work on my project, then stream, work on the project again and sleep.

So eventually I ran at over 100% energy daily, draining my energy more and more.
Due to the way I learned to deal with mental health, I was able to maintain this for several months.

However, everything suffered from it.

I went into absolute auto pilot during streams (Some noticed that I was mentally absent during streams) and I pressured into releasing my game in early access despite it being in a 'not so good' state.

Eventually, I headed towards a burn out - I managed to go for one last push at gamescom and after that it sorta defeated me, lol.
Due to my mental health now coming back at me, I had to cancel streams due to literally being in physical pain thanks to that shit. (Up to the point where I had issues walking due to headache, back pain, feeling of sickness etc - you know the drill.
Oh and yes it was diagnosed, so if you wanted to complain about me complaining - fuck off.)

This was more of an eye opener tho as it has shown me the state I was really in... I don't like talking too much about mental health tho, so I'll cut that topic here.

Long story short - I had to go for a financial back up.

And there we are: 2018

There are a couple of things I want to achieve in 2018 - and unfortunately those are so many, that one or two might suffer and have to get pushed back.
The issue is - I could do all of them at once... but it's the same with everything you want to have a chance with: You won't get anywhere if you don't pour your heart into it.

In December 2017, I started working as a part time web developer.
while that plus twitch and youtube is enough to maintain a living, this is not gonna last forever.

One of my goals is definitely to expand that to 20h / week - which isn't really a whole lot.
Due to the way my brain works, my days never start before 5pm anyways, so working from 10am to 5pm isn't really an issue - I can just pick up and work on a private project after that - I only need to make sure to not work for too long, get a couple hours of rest every day and actually get sleep.

Also - I got an offer for some freelance work on a project on the side for about a year from home.
I really would like to put about 10 hours per week into that aswell - could always need some extra money and a couple of references.

Additionally, I REALLY want to release Psychic Isolation EP2 and rework EP1 (Not entirely tho).
Looking at it's state at the moment, that seems like a realistic goal without rushing things this time.
My coding experience is increasing greatly and is now so much better than it was a year ago, almost up to the point where I can say that I'm a little proud of how far I've gotten considering I tought that stuff myself.

So with these three, I have about 40h of work per week - possibly even more.

But that's not everything.
I'm also part of a small team that REALLY wants to pitch a new project to a publisher in 2018.
It was an idea I had a while ago and I am writing the characters and the story for that game 'only'.
I would even go so far and say that we have very unique elements in that idea and I am extremely positive about it (and no, story is not a unique element. It's mechanics none of us has seen or heard before and that actually work).

These are my top priorities for 2018 ...
(And I didn't even include Game Architects / University yet ...)

And now you might wonder: Wait, where's speedrunning / streaming.

Yup, that's the issue.

It's also on my "Oh my god I so want to do this properly again and pour my heart into it!" list... but looking at how I feel about all the things I want to do, it just has no space.

I will learn new runs next year - but I will not take streaming serious anymore.
I actually went out of the way to look at what I had to do in order to try and stream "professionally" again, promotion wise and what not - but it's not worth it.
I can't make the space for it without sacrificing something that I value more than streaming.

It has been my life for such a long time, I am REALLY greatful for everything regarding the community, twitch, the friends I've made over the last couple of years, all the support, the marathons and countless more things.
One of the reasons I got the wind fish tatoo is that my donation sound was "the ballad of the wind fish" - I will always be remembered of the great time I had on stream and how much it helped me shape myself the way I am.

I will not stop streaming, but I need to let that dream go.

As you see - So many goals to achieve x_x
If things work out the way I planned, I should be able to get these things done properly without burning out again... I hope.

TL;DR since I'm running out of time:
Plans for 2018:
Release and polish my own game
Pitch new project / Demo / Proof of Conept to publishers
Work 20h per week + freelance work
Do university stuff
Learn to have a life.
Try and learn to take streaming less serious.
Maybe MM All Masks and OoT AD

Wishing you all a great start into 2018 :D

Best wishes,
Ricky