My Crushes

I guess I can write about all my crushes prior to August 2016.

1996: 1st Crush I was in Kindergarten and it was Rene, they were someone in my class and we hung out a lot

2000-2001 2nd Crush I was in 4th Grade and she was named Elizabeth and we were really good friends and I used to hang out with her a lot.

2004-2005 3rd Crush I was in 8th Grade and my crush was Ashlee Simpson (The first celeb crush) Used to watch The Ashlee Simpson Show a lot and heard LALA a lot. I used to force myself to sleep a lot during those days and I constantly dreamed about her.

2005-2006 4th Crush I was in 9th Grade and my crush was named Ryan and I used to hang out with her a lot at lunch and I eventually told her the following school year after she already had a boyfriend and she told me that she would have dated me if I told her earlier.



2008 5th Crush I was in 11th Grade and my crush was Avril Lavigne and she was in my yearbook, like I kept seeing her picture in the musical influence page of the yearbook and the more I saw that image the more I started to crush. I had a friend who called me out on it, I denied it, but I did crush on Avril.

Really late 2008 6th Crush I was in 12th grade and my crush was Miley Cyrus and I kept watching Hannah Montana for some reason and started to dream of her constantly and it was weird.

Sometime before Summer of 2009 I had my 7th Crush I had was of Hayley Williams of Paramore, like this crush didn't last that long, but it was nice. I liked her a lot and Paramore was really awesome tbh.

Summer 2009 8th Crush I was taking my 1st college class at a community college and I became friends with this girl in my math class and we talked a lot before class about our interests and what we wanted to do in the future. She talked a lot about Ghost Whisperer and that was a pretty good show tbh. I donated blood for extra credit for a different class and showed her where the mark was and she kept telling me not to show her it and she kept rubbing it to make it feel better (It didn't hurt) I found that really sweet of her. The day of my math final I wanted to tell her my feelings after taking the exam, but she was already gone by the time I finished. The last time I ever saw her was during the following Fall semester, but I was too busy talking to an old high school friend and didn't get to talk to her long.


Early 2010 9th Crush I wrote a story that had people I knew in college and eventually I kept dreaming of her, she was a friend of mine. That relationship didn't work out and to be honest it was for the best.

January 2011 10th Crush I had was of a Youtuber that used to watch a lot on Blogtv when she did livestreams. I dreamed a bunch about her and it was mostly a celeb crush, but whatever


November 2011 11th Crush I had was a college friend of mine that I honestly didn't even know I had a crush on her, like I had a friend that used to talk bad about her artwork and I constantly defended her, that friend eventually asked if the reason I was defending her so much was due to having a crush on her. I honestly didn't think of liking her in that way, I just didn't want him to talk bad about her art (Her art was awesome and is still awesome now) I confirmed to myself I had a crush on her due to worrying a lot about her when we lost power due to a lot of wind (We lost power for a few days) I was hoping she was alright, then I had a dream about her on the 20th of November.

Sometime after 2011 and before 2016 12th and 13th Crushes started to develop on both Rooney Mary and Mary Elizabeth Winstead around the same time, I found it really strange to crush on 2 people at the same time, but this was the first time I crushed on multiple people at once and I think this is the start of me learning I was poly. Both crushes never really ended and sometimes I start getting feelings emerge again even today. Celeb crushes don't fully count as crushes, because they are both people I would never be in a relationship with and Mary is married. Rooney is dating someone at the moment and I would never want to come between someone and a relationship.

Really Early Summer of 2016 14th Crush, I started to have a crush on a speedrunner that I found really beautiful that streamed on Twitch at the time. The more I watched her the more I learned more about myself and that crush didn't last more than I guess a few weeks or so idk.

Shortly after the 14th Crush I developed a 15th Crush on someone that came from within me, this one is someone I doubt anyone will actually understand at all. She appeared in my dreams and after I started watching a speedrunner I started dreaming about a girl that went by Raven and she talked to me a lot and went to a lot of events with me in the dreams. Raven used to be really closed off, but only talked to me. I kept dreaming of Raven and she helped me realize my gender identity, so they are a huge part of my growth. Raven eventually started going by her real name which is Erika. I took the name Raven for my name to honor her. Erika is a personality of mine and I do talk to her from time to time and she is now really open and radiates happiness, I thought about Erika when I was in a really dark place where I self harmed and she brought me out of my depression that happened in like 2017. I still do talk to Erika from time to time and she tries her best to keep me happy internally. I love Erika and always will, she is one of my alters after all, she tends to like all my friends and sometimes you can even pick out which of my Tweets are her.

I am not writing about any crushes that I had after 2016, because that is way too recent and I don't want to make anyone uncomfortable.