Thread 89: Stories 31-45

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

 >Luna
"??"
~~~

>Okay, ooooohhhkayyyyy, it's all okay. We have simply made... an error! Yes, a tiny little error we will no doubt easily rectify, for we are very good at rectifying our mistakes in time... wait, no, we're the worst at that! We are just so terrible at that!... Okay, THINK! Just because we essentially gimped the leader figure from one team and instead replaced her with... that guy. That guy who we do not even think we have MET before and think he may in fact be a tiny, sad little stallion who is doing things to annoy us. Sure, we may have made a tiny error, but no matter! So the other is progressing a little faster than the first team, so what? Tis not a terrible problem! We can fix this! WE CAN FIX THIS! We just...need... to... think! Think and let nobody know we messed up so badly as to mix that wheedly little fodder with a princess! Nobody must know!

"THEN HOWS ABOUT TAKING YOUR HOOF OFF THE DAMN INTERCOM!"

>........................................WE MEANT TO DO THIS!

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

NC
>AJ
"Dash"
~~~

>NNGGHHHHHH!

"Gah! What's the matter!?"

>Ah' felt a great disturbance in the world... as if... as if there was a thousand pieces o' paper... and they became PAPERWORK!

"..."

>...

"...You really needed this vacation."

>Yeah, little bit.

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________


>???
~~~~

So. That was his plan. His own way of obtaining strength anew….

Standing as still and as firm as the tree branch underneath him, Jetset observed his eternal rival from afar, watching as Seven whispered something undoubtedly malicious into the ear of that potato-obsessed changeling.

Moments before that same changeling lost consciousness.

And with good reason, Jetset figured. The beating previously handed to her, while grossly underhanded in his book, had been quite the fierce one.

Not that Jetset felt an iota of sympathy. How those love-sucking bugs treated one another was their own business. The remnants of a supposedly great species now dwindled down to a single hive, they obviously weren’t built for the long life despite their longevity.

Either that or they possessed some piss poor life management.

It did seem, however, that Seven was no longer in need of his aid, physically or mentally, if he was capable of such… whatever the hell he was currently invested in, that hulking thing with the manticore’s shape.

A great swell of invigoration thrashed about just behind Jetset’s chest, though his outward appearance remained expressionless.

>To help thine's enemy is to help one’s self.

Those words floated on the wind as Jetset’s very being began to flicker in and out of view.

>But to leave thine’s enemy to their own devices makes for a much better fight, don't you agree?

Two more flickers and the agent was gone without a trace to be found, off to secure his own method of inner-training.

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Non-Canon
>Pinkie
"Discord"
~~~~
>Welcome to Late Night /pa/ with your host Pinkie Pie! It's during this time that content doesn't matter and some of us do our own not serious stuff! Now for our main guest...DISCORD!!!
Applause

"Are we going or what?"

>Hey, I do the asking...going where?

"Lunch. We're off the clock."

>Oh, I guess I forgot to check the time.

"The crew and I are going to a Vietnamese Sandwich place nearby. Do you want anything?"

>Hmm...I guess a combination sandwich is fine. If you can get me some boba tea, I'd appreciate it.

"Will do...you're going to count this as a guest showing up aren't you?"

>...Maybe...and by maybe I mean yes. I'll stick this session in the bloopers or something.

"That's not going to work. They'll think it's staged."

>No they won't...probably...I'll think of something.

"Alright, do what you want. The rest of us are going out. Don't record too long."

>Bye!...aaaaaaand that's our show for tonight! See you next time!

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

NC

>???
“DT”
‘SS’
[Snips]
{Snails}
~~~~

>I understand that Hearth’s Warming is a time for great merriment, I understand this completely.

“MRRRRGH!”

>And yes, during the proceedings, the unwrapping of gifts can overshadow all else. It’s only to be expected from you who are so young.

‘Ohoho… haaa we are so screwed….’

>All the warm lights, the freezing snow, the coziness of family and friends and the whirlwind of ear-to-ear smiles… it tends to block ones view of what truly matters.

[Momma please help I’m sorry I didn’t mean to steal those two extra cookies before dinner I swear I won’t do it again I-]

>So for those of you that don’t know, which would be a staggering eighty percent of those present, allow me to tell you what truly matters.

{Hey, Snips? This might seem odd but… did Ms Cheerily always have that many black tentacles wiggling around her like that before? I don’t think she did, Snips, and that kinda scares-}

>What truly matters, students… is ATTENDANCE!

With a building rumbling THOOM, one that shook desks and rattled windows, every last tendril squirming around the disturbed teacher stabbed into ground, digging through without so much as a scuff on the tiles.

And then the room was filled with bewildered screams of protest, and not from those already seated at their desks.

But from the fresh crop of students now being dropped ceremoniously, carefully, through the black holes punched in the ceiling to land upright in their seats, some looking bewildered and others forever confused.

Once every seat housed a foal, Ms Cheerilee’s ever cheerful gaze drifted about, taking in the horror and disbelief that shined back at her from faces that she would dutifully show new facets of knowledge.

Even Diamond Tiara was present, and respectfully silent, ready to learn!

Although the silence might be attributed to the black masking tape over her mouth, applied as gently as possible by one of the many stumpy, balding, maggot-fleshed ponies marching up and down the desk aisles, each of them clip-clopping on their hindlegs.

But whatever the case, everyone was finally present and accounted for! Each of her little balls of sunshine had returned to her once more for another fun-filled season of learning and mental growth!

She snapped her hoof, which sounded like a femur splintering, effectively dispelling the tentacles and her ‘helpers’, and even the tape around Diamond Tiara’s mouth.

>Now then, students, if you’ll kindly turn to page forty-three in your textbooks, we can pick up where we left off on…

An energetically waving purple hoof caught her eye and she paused, a certain crispness causing her lips to purse and a single glistening black tendril to drift down from the ceiling directly over Tiara.

>Yes, Diamond Tiara?

Silver Spoon was shaking her head so vehemently that thrice she whipped Snails over the face with her ponytail.

But Tiara only pointed down at her book.

“Erm… it was… it was actually page fifty-two where we last paused, ma’am.”

>…Oh. Oh so you’re right! My apologies, everyone, to page fifty-two!

Chuckling to herself, Ms Cheerilee righted her page while the ceiling tendril retracted itself.

‘Oh thank Faust…'

[Pssst, DT… look, I know we never saw eye-to-eye but you gotta get us outta here!]

“Don’t worry, I plan to.”

[How are you going to do that?]

“This. TEACHER, Snips keeps distracting me!”

[TRAITOR!]

‘Oh come on, like you didn’t see that coming!’

{Yeah, Snips, I thought I was the dumb one here.}


_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>SA
"Celestia"
'Chrysalis'
[18]
{42}
~Cadence~
-Twilight-
~~~~~~

>WHEEEEEEE!

"WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!"

'WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!'

[WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!]

{Woo hoo.}

~WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEHEEHEEHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!~

-Guys? Should we really be riding an ice path out of the castle? I mean, okay, this mini-boss was bad and everything and fine, this whole 'castle goes down when he does' thing is really cliche, but this is supposed to be a tense, dramatic moment of escape, but we're all just sliding like we're two... the age, not the... well I guess the her fits too, but...-

>...

-...Whee.-

>"'[~WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!]'"

{Woo hoo.}

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>Two
"Sombra"

>Somby, what'cha doing?

Hssssss

"Oh...you know...correcting certain...lore inaccuracies Shining Armor made with these models?"

Hssssss

>By spray-painting over 'em?

"Yes."

>Huh...ain't he gonna be mad? He didn't like the Juggernaut bein' pink an...all you're doin' is blackin' 'em out.

"Believe me, it's in service to a good cause, he'll understand...and there, the last-ahem-Wet Nightmare Deamonette successfully painted."

>Hey Somby?

"Hm?"

>You're workin' on getting a body, right?

"Right."

>And there's a buncha ritual stuff ya gotta do with all kinds of artifacts, right?

"Riiiight?"

>...couldn't Auntie Twi have scienced you a new body? She makes all kindsa robots and gadgets and stuff, couldn't she just make something like that for you to possess easier than that armor so you could move?

"..."

>...

"...well, I mean, I...uhm...errr..."

>...

"...buggerwhatisittheinsectdoes? STORYTIIIIIME!"

>GASP! From YOU Somby!?

"Yes! From me!"

>But isn't this Not-Mom's thing?

"Ah, but I have something Not-Mom doesn't..."

With a glow around his horn, he raised up two miniatures.

"Visual aides!"

>Yaaay-hey, why's that unicorn's horn all-?

ZAP!

>...

"Oh blast my reflexes, we may never know."

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>Pommel
[Daw]
"Changelings"
'Guards'
~~~~~

>...I may have been hasty in my life choices.

At some point, everybody reconsiders their profession. Wonders if, maybe, this had been the right choice all along, if they would have been better off or happier elsewhere, or even just if they had put too many eggs in one basket.

"OH DEAR HIVEMIND RUN! RUUUUUNNN!"

"I DIDN'T WANT TO DIE LIKE THIS! I WANTED TO DIE HAVING SEX SOMEHOW!... I DON'T KNOW HOW!"

Normally this didn't happen when a pissed off immortal bug queen of a dead hive was tearing though your place of work like a bowling ball made of nails and hatred, but it happened to everyone.

'WHAT GOOD IS THIS ARMOR ANYWAY!? IT'S NOT GOING TO STOP BUGFUCKERY!'

'I DON'T WANT TO SAY I TOLD YOU SO BUT I SO TOLD YOU SO THAT WE WOULD DIE LIKE THIS!'

'FINE! YOU CALLED IT! HAPPY!?'

'....NO!'

Bronze Pommel knew this was an inopportune time, but even so, he found himself reconsidering his life choices, and wondering if instead he should have just been like his uncle and studied insects. Sounds way less likely to get you killed or involved in changeling wrath.

All in all, this was a time for reflection.

[Pom! I found the rest of your guys- BLOOODY HELL!]

She was tellingly used to dodging bodies being hurled at her at speeds that would be better suited for artillery, but that didn't reduce her fear over bodies being artillery, period.

[STICK A DAGGER IN ME EYE AND TWIST! What the fuck is goin' on!?]

GRAAAGGHHHHHHH! Came her response.

It answered very little.

>Oh, you know, a combined forces of angry changelings, unfortunately programmed robots and my soldiers all joined together in a ball of hate that fired a beam of anger at the Titan Queen changeling who once stomped this entire city to the ground, and she is now wreaking havoc in a way that can only be described as 'angry'.

[...I feel like you skipped several steps there...]

>Oh, I did... it's the wonderbolts fault.

[...]

>...That was the only step I skipped.

"OH HOLY FUCK SHE'S EATING HIM!... AND THEN SHE'S GOING TO EAT ME!... OH MY GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOSHH!"

'I think you mean 'oh my god'.'

"I don't have any of those, I'm looked after in the afterlife by the souls of my Queens and past queens as we all join together in a consciousness of endless contentment and wisdom."

'Huh... that sounds pretty neat. Kinda farfetched, though.'

"Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't realize helmet was synonymous with trilby."

'...What does that even mean?'

"I don't know, I just feel like the whole movement against my afterlife gets annoyed sometimes just because we exclude them from the proceedings by virtue of not being us."

'That's okay, book of Faust says you guys don't go to eternal paradise, I think.'

"THAT FUCKER!"

'...'

"...Just because I have my own doesn't mean it's not insulting when you exclude me."

'Fair enough.'

"...Wow, she is just... DEVOURING that peacetrotter."

'Right? Is she even chewing?'

"Doesn't need to, she's more crushing him than cutting."

'Damn. And this thing was your Queen?'

"Thirteen's Queen. MY Queen was named Gerridae. I can walk on water!"

'That's amazing!'

"...Five inches of water..."

'...'

"..."

'...Less amazing-'

"Less amazing, yeah."

'Sooooo, listen, I know you're disgusting mind-raping rapist bug monsters-'

"-And you're inferiorly made things we essentially use for a food source-"

'-but I was thinking-'

"-Maybe-"
'-Just maybe-'

"'You should distract her by sacrificing yourself while we get away... what!? No! This is your job!... How is it my job it's you job!... It's LITERALLY all your fault! No it's your fault! YOUR FAULT YOUR FAULT YOUYOUYOUYOUYOU-OHFUUUUUUC-"

Pommel watched as they both were mashed together and tossed as a solid ball of arguing into a pillar beyond.

He did not feel bad.

[So ya' gotta plan, right?]

>...yep.

[...Ready when you are.]

...Maybe this job wasn't all bad.

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>Rarity
"Applejack"
'Spike'
[PD]
{Pinkie}
~Dash~
(FS)
=Monk=
+Monks+
~~~~~~

>Oh ho hooooo! And look at what we have here!

"Fine, Rar, ya' ain't gotta-"

>Ohhhh... but I do.

She trotted around the Ironshod monastery with her head held high, breathing in deeply the mixture of wood and oil all around her. It was a wondrous sight, a tower that reached up so high into the sky she would swear it could touch heaven... or at least a sky-city of some kind, whichever.

As she walked, the other monks bowed to her, granting her reverence of a comrade. She, of course, felt no need to return the favor, but they didn't seem to mind.

>I so have to rub it in. Gentlemares! I do believe I'm taking the lead on this one!

'Some of us aren't mares you know.'

[Someone cares!]

>I don't!

{OH MY GOOOOSHHHHH! EEEEEE!}

The pink bard bounced over to the stables on the side of the spiral staircase, unable to help herself as petted the various mounts within them. Everything from bewilderbeasts, a monster that very much resembled a short and stock dragon, all the way over to HawkRocs, an odd looking eagle of some kind with far too many straps of armor to be feasible, but damn did it look cool.

And she was gonna pet them all.

~Why are we here anyway?~

>Darling, are you so foolish? We're here to rest, to relax, and to drink in the sights! And of course we shall partake in anything they're willing to grant to us, be it weapons or armor or what have you!

(Um... Rarity?)

>And then perhaps we shall even try a bit of the finer things, who knows! I would love some quality oil for my hinges!

"Rar, uh-"

>And maybe I can finally find out how this blasted race has se-

[RARITY!]

>...Yes, Poindexter? Do speak before I react most unladylike to your outburst-

=Excuse me.=

The voice that rumbled behind her sounded much like crumbling stones in a mechanical crusher, grating and booming at the same time. When she turned to regard what had made such a horrible sound, she was greeted with the sight of a very large-and VERY ornate-ironshod monk.

So ornate, she honestly found herself lost in looking at all of the plating for skin. So many intricate symbols, so many lore ridden markings, so shiny...

>...OH! Um, yes? How are you, fellow learner!

=There is an issue with you, student.=

>Oh? And what might that be.

=You have brought possessions into this sacred place.=

>...oh... oh, right, I didn't realize this was a tower of prayer, and not of rest. Um... well, see, we're on an adventure, so could you please-

=There may be no exceptions.=

>Right right, and of course I would agree being of this faith myself, but we're on a mission of divinity, so being without our weapons could-

=None will attack you on this ground.=

>Right, I realize that, but we also...

"Rar? What's the problem, let's just leave our weapons and armor outside?"

>...um...

=All possessions must be left outside, without exception. All.=

'Oh, uh, so even our items?'

=Correct.=

(Well, it's not that big a deal-)

>Well we've clearly had enough of this place, don't you think! Time to be off on our little adventure some more, daylight is wasting!

{Wha? The fuck are you talking about?... Sorry.}

=Do not be, any bitch may come and shout fuck to their hearts content as they point out the level of horseshit it is not to be within the faith of our land.=

{...I might've chosen the wrong class...}

>No, really, this place is just not for us! Let's head out of here right now!

~But I'm not done petting all the animals yeeeet!~

>I'LL BUY YOU A NEW ONE! ALL OF THE NEW ONES!

'Okay, Rarity? You're scaring me.'

=A. HEM.=

>...

=...What is that?=

>Oh, this? Nothing at all! Don't be sillyahahah this is just a little trinket I picked up on the way it's nothing nothing at all ahahahahah-NO!

With a speed of a kung fu master, he had snapped out and grabbed hold of a seemingly innocuous looking extrusion from her body.

What followed next was... surprising.

"FUCKIN' APPLECORES!"

'...Even I'm having a hard time finding that pretty.'

[HA! I'm not the worst looking pony here anymore!... Aw, I made myself sad.]

{AWESOME!}

~Don't even care, petting!~

(...it's about being pretty on the inside?)

Rarity let out an embarrassed wail and tried to cover her face, but to no avail. For the amulet of illusion she had spent SO MUCH of her starting points on was with her no longer, revealing wooden gears, ugly markings and a face that looked more like a badly taxidermied corpse than the mechanical beauty it had been.

=You hid away your real form.=

>I-IT'S NOT FAAAIR! IRONSHODS DON'T GAIN GOOD LOOKS UNTIL THEY'VE AGED! You made me choose an impossible choice! My looks or being a spinster! THIS IS THE WORST CHOICE ANYONE HAS EVER MADE!

"...uh, so why'd ya' pick-"

=Beauty is of the soul, not of the body.=

>Easy for you to say! Your plating is so pretty!

=I care not what I look like, and would be happy to do without.=

>I CALL BULLSHIT AND WILL PROVE IT!

With that screech, she tackled him before he could react, and grabbed hold of his head.

"RARITY NO!"

>GIVE ME YOUR FAAAAAACCCCEEEE!

'OH FUCK!'

+OH MY GODS! WHAT IS SHE DOING TO THE MASTER!?+

+This isn't right!+

+S-someone stop her!+

But they could not. They could do nothing as she literally took the skin from his body, and added it to her own.

New trait gained.

>Yesss...YESSSS! YEEEESSSSSSS!

With a CLACK CLACK CLACK she absorbed him, adding his beauty to her own, making her stronger and far more beautiful.

>YESSSSSSSS!... uh oh.

+SHE'S KILLED THE MASTER!+

+She must be punished! Burned for her crimes!+

+Destroy her and her companions, especially the rogue!... Just because!+

Only after the leveling up had stopped and she stood over the corpse of what had been did it hit her that this whole area was now literally bursting with monks ready to tear her apart for violating their most sacred oath.

>...told you we should have left.

'RARITY!'

>I don't like saying I told you so, but how else will you learn?

{RAR WE'RE GONNA DIE NOW!}

>No no! I can fix this!

[HOW?!]

She smiled, took a fighting stance... And then kicked the wall with everything she had. One little downside to a tower that reached the heavens... not very structurally sound.

(...Are you fucking kidding me-)

+AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!+

~~~~~

>Everyone is alive, right? We all got out?

"EAT A DICK, RARITY!"

'I AM THINKING SO MANY BAD WORDS THAT WOULD MAKE TWILIGHT MAD!'

[Minute she turns her back, the MINUTE she turns her back...]

{...I thought that was pretty cool, I don't know what you're all on about.}

(...)

>...Why does that last one hurt more than- WAIT! Where's Pinkie!?

~AHAHAHAHAHAHAHHHH!~

With a cheer, she exploded from the towers remains.

~I PETTED THEM ALL IN TIME!... Most of them are dead now but I STILL GOT IT!~

(Menhhhhhhh!)

~Erm... sorry Fluttershy.~

>...Pinkie, what are you riding?

~NOT a choco... thing we've never heard of, because this TOTALLY UNREALTED yellow chicken looking thing is it's own, UNIQUE property.~

>...that didn't answer my-

{REALLY!? That's the only one you saved!? THAT'S THE ONLY ONE!? You couldn't save, like, a dragon thing that shoots fire!? SOMETHING!}

>Just for that, SPIKE gets to ride him first!

'FINALLY! Something good coming up for me!'

He hopped on the moment she hopped down, and-

SQUAAAAAK!

THUMP!

'...'

~You uh... you have a spike on your leg-~

'Realized that AFTER I impaled it, yes.'

~...Well, we're eatin' good tonight!~

"Speakin' of... So! Rarity, ya' wiped out yer' own people... ya' feel pretty now?"

>HRMPH! You should be thanking me! With the tower knocked over, we now have a clear path right to the fire lords kingdom! We've cut out time to a fraction of what it would take!

"...Rar?"

>Yesss? Ready to admit you're wrong?

"...He's ta' the south."

>...

"...That way over there is west."

>...

"..."

>I like the look over there anyway-

"Stop."

>Okay.

[...I'm not the only one noticing a trend here, right?]

>"'{(~...~)}'"

[Meh, whatever, I'm gonna loot the bodies.]

>Save some for me!

"...Think we might need a vacation after this vacation...or at least therapy."

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>Changeling
"Niceguard"
~~~~~

>...

"..."

>...Ahem.

"Aherm."

>...I would like to point out that this was not an intention on our part.

"I, too, would like to stress that the guard was merely reacting to information that you had assaulted an officer, and the intention of blasting and/or siccing giant uncontrollable monsters on your presence was not part of the initial plan."

>I too would like to stress that, although true of the assault, it was a purely accidental occurrence in pursuit of one who had activated the sprinklers inside our abode. We, too, were merely trying to apprehend someone who had commuted a crime against us, but it is hard to see in a crowd.

"I understand, and would like to stress that crowd-tactics are part of our training, so we know of it's difficulty, and would like to stress this similarity in difficulty as to the reason we tackled you like we did. On that note, I'm noting that the captain is, in fact, in good health, so his damages were greatly exaggerated. Furthermore, there was some confusion as to this being planned."

>On the changeling end, it was not, this was a reaction to someone calling us smelly and dousing us with water.

"On the guard end, this was not. While I cannot speak for the captain, I would like to assume he would at least pass it by us if this was a training exercise."

>Noted, and we will be taking that into consideration upon review.

"Likewise."

>...

"..."

>...

"..."

>...I think they're expecting us to do something.

"I like this better."

>Me too...

"...You uh... wanna scream in terror together?"

>Sounds delightful!... AHHHHHH!

"AHHHHHH!"

~GRAAGGGGHHHHHHHHH!~

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>Suckerpunch
"41"
~~~

>...So, uh, you wanna fight that thing?

"HELL NO!"

>I'm just asking, I think we have the reputation of being punchy folks.

"You want to punch the strongest changeling to ever live!? WHY!?"

>...We could try headbutting her?

"...I don't know if anyone has ever done that."

>...

"...That is just crazy enough to work!"

>LETS DO IT!

~~~~~~~~

>THIS WAS THE WORST IDEA!

"Did she notice us!? At least tell me she noticed us!"

>...Crap.

"Crap?"

>Crap. Didn't even see us.

"Crap."

>...

"...Think our reputation is going to take a hit?"

>Probably not going to get worse.

"Phew."

>...

"...Wait a minute..."

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

 >SA
"Celestia"
~~~~~~~

>Couldn't resist, could you?

"Shu uh!"

>Just haaaaad to do it.

"No ruhguhs!"

>Just saw that big old pike of ice, and you thought... man, wouldn't it be fun to lick that? And now look at you. Can't even turn around to face me. Can't even do anything at all but pull your tongue painfully to try to look back. I could paint your ass, you know. I could paint it and you wouldn't be able to do a damn thing. See this, Celly? This is why you don't-HOLY SHIT!

TSSSSSS!

>...

"...I melted the ice."

>I see that.

"..."

>...

"...Wanna talk about-"

>No.

"Good ex-guard. Goooood ex-guard..."

>...

"...I kinda wanna taste it again-"

>CELLY NO!

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>Pennydrop
"???"
'???'
~~~~~~

>Are you in?

In a place far, far, far away from the office location from whence she spoke, a stallion of grey fur and teal mane shrugged, seemingly oblivious to the fact that, obviously, his boss was only communicating through vocals. Instead, he focused himself on his task ahead.

A task that involved a torn piece of a castle wall, some stray wires, and a lot of concentration.

>I said, are you in?

With an annoyed sigh, he paused in his delicate work, lifting up the unwieldy stone literally chained to his waist before holding it up to his ear. She claimed they were working on the enchanting for this thing to make it not require so big a magical power source, but still manage to speak across more than a few miles. He didn't exactly have hope, sounded silly to him.

'I'm 'in' in the sense that I'm working.'

>Well, hurry up! If you catch the attention of the guard-

He didn't even have to listen to the spiel after that. He was far too busy scoffing in derision.

'Not like that's going to be a problem.'

He fought the urge to peer around the edge of the hallway once more, to where the sounds of battle raged loudly and the song of pain sang true. When his boss had advised him to find a way into princess Sparkles mainframe, he had been fully prepared to tell her it was impossible, and that she could shove any complaints she had right up her funbox.

But it seemed fate had smiled upon the world, and her funbox would remain as it always had been. Cold and vacant. For in a moment of fortune, they had blasted the wall containing many of the wiring leading to Princess Sparkle's lab. Mostly, it was for power, but there was a few magical safeguards out here just in case the princess needed control at an inopportune time. Normally, it would be impossible to access without the proper spell to remove the seal.

The seal that was currently little more than crumbly bits on the back and under the hoof of the rampaging monster, that was.


So here he was, on his back, underneath unstable rocks and bits of wall, trying his best to wire in what seemed to all the world like simple tape to hold electrical wires together, but in reality was a scroll of enchantments and runes mixed in with wires of electrical nature and just to add a topping to it all, dipped in an infusion of some kind.

But that wasn't the best part.

The best part was the fact this still needed something to send the signal. And guess what he only had on hoof to do exactly that?

'You'll be in as soon as I strap this hunk of rock to it, but you won't be able to talk to me.'

>Fine. Get that thing sealed up as best you can to buy me some more time, and then get out of there. I'll handle the rest.

'Since we won't be able to talk, I take it I can have the day off?'

>...Fine. It'll be a week before I can smuggle you another transmitter, so consider this an impromptu vacation... yes, you gryphon in pony skin, paid of course. This is all I need, now get going.

Sure, his boss was a raging, terrifying bitch most days, but there was a reason he kept coming back to her.

His task done, he sealed up the wall to look if nothing else undisturbed, and off he went.

Miles and miles away, the mare smiled as her system made the connection.

>Yesss.... yessss.... yesss!... Yes?... Yessss?

She didn't always understand the numbers on the screen, as loath as she was to admit it, but she did understand what 0.001% meant.

As did she understand what it meant when she waited, and waited, and waited, and waited.

...0.002%

At this rate, she might get a whole scribbled note before they noticed.

>Fuuuuccck, gotta get more personal.

Only one thing to do, she had to take the risk, peer into the mainframe security footage, and ensure the princess wasn't at this very moment noticing her and assembling her army to destroy her place of work... again. Risky, as this opened her up to being heard and seen as well, but so long as she remained quiet-

"NONONONONONONONONONONOOOOOOOOO!"

>GAH!

Nobody heard that... probably.

"NONONONOOOO! What are we to do!? This is a disaster! This is a nightmare, and we know nightmares! MAKE IT STOP!"

She expected the princess in the midst of a telling, energy draining experiment.

She did not expect this princess, she did not expect her to be holding her head in her hooves while looking at a bunch of monitors, she did not expect the look of one who was watching helpless as their house burned away, and she certainly wasn't expecting this level of messiness or anywhere near this amount of whining.

In short, it was unexpected.

"MAKE IT STOPPPPP!"

>...the fuck is wrong with her?

The cameras angled ever so slightly behind the lunar princesses back, trying to get a glimpse of what it was, exactly, that was bringing her such distress. She saw papers, notes and small visual aides, that she expected, what she didn't expect was what, exactly, was on those papers.

>...No way...

"GAH! WHAT WAS THAT!?"

Her heart froze, as did her jaw and lips as the princess began to look around in skittery horror, trying to locate the source of the voice she had accidentally let slip loose. With her ass now thoroughly on the line, she did the only thing she could.

She reached deep, deep down into her past, into her shameful days of the job before this one, and she choked down that bile and got to work.

>What can I help you with?

She had never felt so stupid in her whole life.

"Help... us?... Help us! Help us! You... thou must be a program from Twilight! One of these buttons must've been the help button!"

Brilliant, she meant. She had never felt so brilliant in her whole life.

>Hi, I'm here to help you with any issues you are facing and help you resolve them in a timely, constructive manner. What can I do for you today?

"FOR THE LOVE OF MOTHER HELP US PLEASE!"

Instinctively, she jumped back when the princess grabbed hold of one of the monitors, seemingly just a random one at that.

"Our game is falling to pieces and is about to become unsalvageable! This is a disaster through and through! At this rate, mine sister and her friends are easily going to destroy mine creations and mock my story for its uselessness! And the other group won't act as I want them to and keep wrecking everything! One of them are almost at the gate of the final battle and the others are so far away we could not hope to catch them up, and even if we could their levels are far too low! Help! Just... do something! Be a computer and solve things, that is what thou art supposed to do! Save our Obliques and Ogres game!"

Now, right then, a great many things went through Pennydrop's head.

First and foremost, it was amazing to hear Princess Luna beg.

Second, she was correct that if the game was almost over, she needed to act now and stall like hell.

But third, most importantly.

"...hello!?"

>...Processing, one moment.

She was smooth as she got up from her chair and walked over to her vault. Her hidden, unseen vault that never would be known to anyone in the whole world save herself. A vault she slowly, carefully, opened.

She reached in, past tiny figurines, wads of paper and 3d maps that littered it. Reached all the way to the back, to where an old, weathered item that had not seen the light of day in years resided.

She felt her mouth go dry and chills go down her spine in a familiar feeling as she locked every door, sealed every possible entrance, covered every window and even stuffed the vents full. Only when she was sure she was all alone and none would ever know did she take her seat once more, and spoke again.

>...Nothing is unsalvagable, princess. I am here to assist you and all that you need.

"Oh, thank goodness! We knew Twilight Sparkle would not leave us hanging like this!"

>Of course not. Now....

Slowly, dramatically, she held the item above her head.

Just as slowly, just as overly dramatically, she lowered down the cardboard crown onto her brow, and felt that very same rush of power she had in her school years.

>...tell me your story... and we shall forge it anew. We shall bring the ones who think themselves great to their knees. We shall take the lost and guide them with a trail of blood to lead them home. We shall take the weak and we shall either forge them into weapons or leave them the ash that the winners shall walk upon on their path to greatness! Show me your strongest so I may show them none are unbreakable! Show me your weakest so I may give them the strength to fight on! They taste victory, so let us turn it bitter in their mouths! They smell despair, let us replace it with the smoke rising off the bodies of their foes! Show me your story! Show me the tale we carve upon paper in their blood! For greatness! For power! For GLORY! SHOW ME THE WAY!

"...Wow, thou art very well programmed! Our fellow princess is amazing!"

Her eye only twitched a bit, and she took the compliment as best she could.

"Okay, so, here's what I wanted to do..."

She listened as intently as a child being told a story, drinking in every word, every direction.

Only when the princess had ended, and she had angled her cameras to gaze upon those that thought themselves gods, untouchable and strong, did she let herself smile.

The smile... was only the beginning.

>...mwhahaha.... mwwahahahah.... MWAHAHAH! AHAHAHAHAHHA! AHHHHHHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

"Hey! Save it for the villain!'

>...Sorry. Now... let's do this.

"...Thou can laugh now."

>Thank you. AHHHHHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!

"Hee hee!"

The game had truly begun.

And she was going to drink in every moment.

>Let's make them hurt.

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>SA
"Chrysalis"
~~~~

>...So, I'm not the only one who just noticed the world kinda... shifted, right?

"It's probably nothing."

>Isn't that your answer to everything?

"No. Just most things."

>How's that worked out for you so far?

"LAST QUEEN STANDING!"

>...

"...Fine, we'll keep our guard up. Happy?"

>No, not remotely.

"Just can't please some stallions."

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Non-Canon
>Pinkie
"AJ"
~~~~
>Welcome to Not Late Night /pa/ with your host Pinkie Pie! It's during this time that content does matter, but *cenored* the rules! This is Non-Canon! Now for our main guest...APPLEJACK!!!
Applause

"Howdy y'all."
Cut to a smiling cardboard cut-out of Pinkie sitting behind the desk.
"...Ah guess you're a little flat today."
Canned laughter as it continues to sit there silently smiling.
"..."
She blinks.
http://www.myinstants.com/instant/scary-violins/
Cardboard Pinkie stands in front of her.
"Gah!"
AJ punches the cutout and it falls to the floor. She blinks and it's gone.
"...Pinkie? Is this one of your jokes?"
She notices her hat is gone.
"What the hay?"
A cardboard AJ appears with real AJ's hat on its head.
"...while Ah admit it looks good on you, it's still mine and Ah'd like to have it back you hear?"
Cardboard AJ continues having an empty smile as the sound of a rope can be heard sliding.
"What's that sou-hrk!"
A rope had dropped around her neck and pulled her off the ground. The thud of a sack of apples tied to a rope can be heard as AJ struggles with the rope around her neck.
"H- hel-"
Once AJ goes limp, she disappears. Camera pans out. The cutouts aren't there. Pinkie walks in.
>APPLEJACK, you're going to eat all this Apple pie!...Applejack?

AJ wakes up.
"...that was a terrible dream."

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________