Two Humans, One Pony (Full)

>Day Nth for Best Background Pone on Earth
>Be Applejack
>Anon warns you about going outside in this world
>Pay no heed to Anon's warnings because all folks can appreciate neighborly visitors
>Attempt to leave the apartment Anon is keeping you in
>Kick your room door lightly with your front hoof
>Door doesn't budge
>Golden doo-hickey Anon uses must need special coaxing to open
>Attempt to wrap two hooves around doorknob
>Slip off countless times
AJ: Ah swear, this here door's jammed tighter than a jar in a cold cellar
>Try to fit the doorknob in your mouth
>Tastes like salty coins and milk
>Instantly remove your muzzle from the filthy handle while spiting and trying to clear your mouth of the foul taste
AJ: Ah just can't figg'er how Anon works this thingamajig
>Forsake talking to yourself any longer
>Spin around and pull your back legs in for a powerful, tree-shaking kick
>Suddenly, the doorknob turns
>Door opens inward as Anon crossed the threshold of your room
>No time to stop your hooves
>Send a tree-shacking kick deep into Anon's core
>Anon flies back through the threshold and lands some feet away
AJ: Mah stars! Are ya a'right, Anon?
>Anon clenches his stomach
A: My balls just parked behind my tonsils
>You're not sure what that means, but, at least he's alive
AJ: Ah'm mighty sorry, Anon! Ah was jus' tryin' ta'git outta that room when ya came in.
>Anon stands up and dusts himself down
>He looks slightly feeble and walks a bit crooked
A: No problem, Applesauce, I... I just think I'm gonna go lay down. Maybe call an ambulance.
>Anon saunters a little bit before making it to your room
>You follow him in for good measure
>He drops himself onto the bed and pulls his lower half onto the mattress
AJ: If'n there's anythin' Ah can do fer'ya, lemme know?
>Anon's chest inflates so full that his body puffs up on the bed before sinking back to his normal shape
A: I think I won't die
>His hand pushes forward blindly for the blanket
>He grips your hat that you had left on the bed
A: These aren't my covers
>Anon places the hat over his head and searches again for the blanket
AJ: Ah'll git your quilts, jus' hand me mah hat
>Anon doesn't reply
AJ: Anon, ya hear me?
>You are visibly worried that you may have hurt Anon more than he's letting on
>You also don't want to be caught talking to yourself again, not after what you thought about in line 16
>You climb onto the bed beside Anon and place a hoof lightly on his back
>You shake him a bit
>You wait for a long moment before his hand gropes around for your hoof
A: Applesack, your hat is such a good blindfold
AJ: Well, glad ya like it, but, Ah'm gonna need it if'n Ah ever plan on goin' out
>Anon rolls over onto his back and uncovers his face
A: Appleseed, you can't just go out here whenever you want. This city is no place for a pony. Especially a Technicolor, talking pony.
>You think about the word "Technicolor" for a brief instant before deciding that is how Anon says, "country"
AJ: Now look here, mister, jus' because Ah'm from lil' old Ponyville don't mean Ah can't handle mahself
>Anon grunts for a moment as he adjusts himself
A: It's different around here, Applejumps. It's not about your rustic wholesomeness, or that horrible way you use long-winded similes. It's about you being an... ah... an imaginary creature
>You think Anon is just blowing more hot smoke than a giddy Spike writing a love letter to Rarity on a steamy Hearts and Hooves day
AJ: Could an "imaginary" critter do this?
>You attempt to swipe your hat from Anon
>He moves with expert timing and keeps it just out of hoof's reach
A: Well, no, but yes? It's hard to explain. See, ponies in my world don't talk, or sing, or eat half as many cakes as ponies back in Equestria
>You're fed up with Anon stalling and not giving you back your hat
>You make an effort to pin his arm while you snatch your hat back
>It's no good, Anon is just too dexterous for you
>You slip on the soft mattress and land atop Anon's chest
>For a second, you feel his chest heave, his heart beat and feel an icy coldness radiate from his body
>His free arm wraps around your body and his strong, human hands run their fingers down your back
AJ: Anon, s-stop that, ya hear?
>You shake and stutter as he scratches your back like you were a pet
AJ: A-Ah mean it, s-stop it this instant
>Anon lifts your hat and covers your muzzle with it
>You readjust it with a free hoof so that it sits neatly behind your ears
>Anon is relentless in his back-scratching pursuit and you let him go at it for a while longer
A: Haha, you should see the look on your face
>You ignore Anon and lose control of you hind leg
>It kicks in a little fit as your enjoy the back rub
A: Who knew ponies liked this so much? I'm just glad I didn't leave the door open...
>Anon looks over to see the door is opened
A: Shiiiiiiiiiiiii~
>A female voice rings from the open doorway
>It's the neighbor girl who Anon has totally been spying from his window and promised himself under his breath to ask out one of these days
Girl: Hey, Anon, I couldn't help but notice that you left your door unlocked like you were being mugged and...
>The girl sees you and Anon laying in bed with his arms wrapped around your body, a look of ecstasy on your face as his hands feverishly scratch your back
Girl: Whoa, you should really lock your door if your gonna do this kind of thing with animals. I won't judge you anymore than one can judge a guy who wears a business suit and mask all day
>You don't want to give off the wrong impression and proceed to clear up any confusion from the get-go
AJ: Sorry, miss, this ain't what it looks like...
>You bound off Anon, causing him to gasp as your hooves spring from his chest
AJ: Name's Applejack an' Ah'm jus' here on account ova' mix-up with some magic an' Anon here's puttin' me up fer the time being. So glad Ah could make yer acquaintance, What's yer name?
>You extend your hoof to shake her hand
Girl: I-it talked, hah, that thing just got up and... it... talked...
>The neighbor girl smiles, twitches and faints before your eyes
AJ: Well, ain't that'a fine, "How da'ya do?"
>Anon springs to his feet in a lot less pain than he let on before
A: Oh no, this is bad, well, this is great, but also bad for various reason I can't list right now
>Anon rushes to the door and locks it tightly
>You see him frantically pace from the front door to the kitchen and back to the room your in
Anon: Applesnacks, where's that rope you had when you first came over? All I got on hand is duct-tape, baby oil, chloroform, which I don't need right now, and a box cutter. I need some rope!
>He seems more distressed than you think he should be
AJ: What'da'ya need the rope fer, sugar-cube?
>Anon points to the unconscious girl
A: So I can bound and gag Tabitha here while I come up with the perfect reason to tell her it was all an elaborate hoax
>You don't seem to understand how any of these things are interrelated, but you imagine it is some kind of weird human greeting
>You pass the rope to Anon who ties up the girl in an odd series of looping knots
>Anon goes to a nearby cabinet and reveals a bright red ball that looks not unlike a muzzling instrument you use back on the farm
>he quickly gets the gag in place and straps it to her head
A: I should probably wash that first... but, no time! Appleshnapps! We need to hide you so I can come up with a great lie that will make me sound as legit as possible
AJ: Why don't ya jus' tell'er what's really goin' on?
>You cannot see Anon's face, but you can feel his eyes narrowing on you and his eyebrows furrowing in stern disapproval
A: This is the worst time to tell the truth!
AJ: Ah know what it looked like ya'll were doin' with me, Ah've been 'round the haystack oncer-twice, but Ah know if we both explain what was really happenin'...
>Anon places his hand over your muzzle quickly
Anon: Don't finish this horribly misguided, yet strangely arousing, thought just yet. I will tell you afterwards why it's more wrong than you think
>You break out of Anon's loose grip and scowl
>You suddenly hear the girl coming to
>Anon looks towards her with his hands held tightly together in anticipation
A: Appleapple, how hard is too hard to bludgeon someone?

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>Day I'm Going to Need More Rope on Earth
>Be Applejack
>Confused about Anon's silly antics
>Have an endearing flashback to Pinkie Pie
>Don't let the present muddy the current issues
AJ: So, what're we gonna do now if'n we ain't tellin' the truth?
>Anon places his hand on his chin and rubs it slowly
>He taps his foot a few times while thinking
A: I think... I think we should tell her this is all a dream. I saw it in a movie once
>Stare at Anon with your best look of unappeased intent
AJ: Seriously?
A: Seriously
>Consider trying to untie the girl
>Also, consider this is Anon's world and that he might be acting neighborly
AJ: Hmm... nah!
>You approach the semi-conscious human and her eyes train on you
AJ: Now, hold on 'ere, sugar-cube, Ah'll have ya out in a jiff
>Anon doesn't make a move to stop you, he is too busy posing like a thinker to notice anything
A: I got a better idea! How about we just leave her tied up in my closet? It'll be just like one of my Japanese animes!
>Not caring to decipher what Anon just said, you catch a piece of the ball-gag's strap in your mouth and yank
>It unclips easily and you let go a small whinny of approval
>The strap leaves the same taste as the doorknob had (refer to episode 1, paragraph 1, line 13)
>The girl spits the ball out of her mouth, leaving a small trail of drool on her bottom lip
>Anon has begun flexing in the background, you aren't entirely sure what he's doing
Girl: Talking horse! Talking horse!
>Whoa, Nelly! This girl has good lungs for such a little critter
>Anon has snapped out of his delusions at the sound of her voice
A: Oh, uh, hey there
Girl: Why am I tied up? What was that gag doing in my mouth? Where'd this horse come from? Why does it smell like apples!?
>You look at the inquisitive human and start to understand what Anon had been talking about
AJ: Well, missy, Ah tried to be neighborly with'ya earlier, but ya went an' fainted on me
A: Oh, this is... Applejack... and she... is... a pony
>Anon seems to be cherry picking words and you find it odd for him
>You turn your neck towards your body and take a quick whiff
>You do kind of smell like apples, well ain't that something?
Girl: A pony? I know this isn't a pony because of the brightly colored fur and because I've seen some ponies in my time
AJ: Ah know Ah'm a lil' 'Teck-ni-colored" like Anon here said, but that ain't no reason ta be scared. Ya must be more use ta city ponies 'round these parts, Ah take it?
>The girl struggles against her bonds
Girl: I'm not use to anything like you, though talking with you more is making it strangely natural. I blame TV
A: Now, look, this is all a dream, it's a deep one, like some kind dream within a dream. You're actually riding on the subway back to your place right now and I'm in your head in the dream which is also in your head in that dream.
>Look at Anon with the blankest stare you can muster
>The girl also looks at Anon with great scrutiny
A: Look, I never watched the movie, I just read about it online. Tabitha, I want to release you, but I can't have you running to the police. Applesnacks is stuck in our world for some undetermined amount of time and I can't let her out or let the public know
>Anon raises his fist to his face and slowly drags it down as if it has a great meaning following the motion
A: This stupid world isn't ready for the love, tolerance and harmony
>A single tear somehow appears on Anon's mask and slides down his cheek before being absorbed into his white collar
Tabitha: Anon, I always knew you were crazy and would probably tie me up like this one day because your extremely creepy, but, I really didn't see the talking horse in all this
AJ: Now wait jus' a cotton-pickin' minute, missy! This is Anon we're talkin' about. He's one'a the most carin' humans Ah've met an' he'd never hurt a fly
>Anon twiddles his thumbs around his fingers and curls up a little bit
A: Oh, you~
AJ: Lets jus' get ya outta these ropes an' we can talk this out ova' a nice apple fritter
>You move behind the physically shaking girl and yank a loose end of rope with your mouth
>The rope unravels neatly and you quickly wind it up
AJ: There, that should be more confurtable
>Tabitha rubs here sore arms while looking at Anon
Tabitha: Anon... I am sorry I said that. I didn't mean to be so harsh. It's just weird, you know?
>Anon steps lightly towards Tabitha
A: It's not too bad once you get use to it. I lived with these ponies for like 3 years now, but time was different where they came from, so it barely effected me at all
>You smile, happy to see Tabitha is starting to get along
T: But, I just don't know, what's this... she, doing here?
AJ: Don't know mahself, Anon's kind'a bad when it comes to magic an' things get weird when he's involved
>Anon nods
A: When I got taken to Equestria, I was just mast-, ah, ha, minding my own business in bed. Before I knew it, I was sleeping in a haystack on Applesauce's barn
AJ: Boy howdy, was that ever a fright! Ah came in ta milk the cows an' Ah saw a human fer the first time ever
>Tabitha is trying to understand any of this, her expression tells you she's more confused than Pinkie Pie in a Rainbow Dash's favorite bath house
>You chitchat a little while longer without much learned by any party
A: I'm hungry, are you hungry? Why don't we grab something to eat?
>You buck up from that comment
>Anon suddenly freezes from his own comment and looks at you
>You smile and look up at him
>His face contorts under the mask
>You just continue staring up at him
>He pulls his collar and chuckles
A: Well, not sure I have anything you'd like, AppleBottom
>You trot over to the fridge and open it up
>The icebox is empty save for a box of baking soda, half a bottle of milk, and a cobweb nestled in the corner
AJ: Anon, when's the last time ya had food here?
A: I, uh, I just ran out, yeah, because of that crazy party I had earlier in the month... with all my friends... who ate everything?
>No one, including Anon himself, believes the story
AJ: A'right, Anon, well, I'll just head ova' ta the general store here an' pick up some groceries
>Tabitha laughs in her seat
T: Yeah, maybe we'll get a few extra things in case all your "friends" come over again
>Anon hangs his head dejectedly and mutters something akin to, "Switches and Doors" under his breath, you can't make it out completely
A: Appledapple, I think you should really stay here and watch Tabitah
>He slides up beside you with an unnatural fluidity
A: If you hear here call the police, kick her hard, just so hard
T: I can hear you, you know
A: I've spent enough time with people to know that we're all pretty much bastards, so, until I can deem you trustworthy, you are also my guest for life
T: Are you trying to hold me against my will when my apartment is 15 feet across the hall
A: See, when you say it like that, anything sounds like a bad idea. No cops, no screaming, no noise, no fun, no nothing that can get AJ caught. Please, please, puh-lease, Tabitha, I need you to do this one favor for me
>You see that Anon is actually being very sincere, he must care more than he lets on
T: I won't call or tell anyone
A: No Twitter
T: Oh, now you're just being a bitch
A: No. Media. Attention
T: Or what? What could you give me to keep quiet?
>Anon looks to you, to Tabitha, then back to you
AJ: Ah'll get the rope
T: Joking, just joking! You're secret is safe with me, Anon. But, there's something I would really like from you that would help keep me extra quiet. I'd like *giggle* a pony ride.
>You and Anon stare at Tabitha
>Anon then looks to you
AJ: Now jus' what'da I look like ta ya? Some prancin' show-pony?
T: Come on, you're pretty big, it'll be fast. I'm pretty light anyways!
>This human is pretty brassy, but maybe it's worth it for some peace of mind
AJ: Fine, git on...
>You look away from Anon and put on a stern face
>Tabitha approaches you from the side and pets your crest
>You feel her soft fingers work through your messy mane
>Her human leg crosses over your back and hugs your flank as she mounts you
AJ: Ya seem like ya done this b'fore
T: My grandma had horses when I use to visit as a kid
>Tabitha laughs and holds you tightly between her legs
A: Whoa... I had a dream like this once
>You pay little mind to Anon and his rambling
>You trot lightly in a two-beat rhythm around in a small circle
T: Weeee~! You're so good at this!
>You smirk and bounce your head up
AJ: Been walkin' since Ah hit the ground. Ain't as excitin' as ya make it sound
>Tabitha pats the side of your head and pokes your ribs lightly with her heels
>Your body betrays you as your entire direction changes on its own and you pick up the pace of your trotting
AJ: Hey, slow down there, pardner! How'd ya do...
>You feel another slight pressure on your right side and your entire body circles quickly
AJ: Cut that out!
>Tabitha seems to be enjoying this more than before
T: Sorry, reactions. Hehe, but I was wondering...
>Tabitha spurs you on with a nudge of her knees and brings her body down a bit
>Her face is nearly touching your neck as she turns you about in a way you never thought possible
AJ: Mah hooves are movin' on their own!
>You come to a full gallop, despite trying to resist and make a quick series of turns around the open floor of Anon's apartment
>After an intense minute, Tabitha relaxes her feet and your recover
>You come to a quick stop and stand on all four hooves
AJ: A'right, Tabitha, ya had yer fun. Time ta git down
>Tabitha obeys and climbs off you without hassle
T: You're a pretty strong girl, aren't you? Yes you are!
>Tabitha grabs your muzzle and rubs up your face to your ears
>You pull your head back and stumble away
AJ: Now lissen up! Ah ain't a pet, ya'll better remember that!
>You lower you head and narrow your eyes in defiance
T: Oh, umm, sorry, I got a little carried away
>You sure showed her!
T: But, I guess you wouldn't want any apples I got at my place then? Wouldn't want to feed you "pet" food
>Darn!
AJ: Eh, yeah, well, apples are different. Be mighty neighborly of ya to spare a few after workin' me out like that
>Tabitha claps and announces she'll be back in a moment with some apples
>She leaves with a skip in her step
A: Wow, I never seen you so submissive
AJ: Ah ain't "submissive"
A: She's going to try to hand-feed you those apples, you know?
>You consider how oddly ponies are treated by humans for a moment, it's like they think you couldn't take care of yourself!
AJ: Well, Ah'll have'a word with her 'bout all this "pet" business. You should'a said somethin' to her too
>Anon chuckles for a moment
A: I kind of liked watching you being so sub, makes up for every apple I ever picked while living with you
AJ: Pfft, as if Ah was so hard on ya. How'd ya like it if'n somep0ny climbed on yer back an' rode ya 'round like a show-pony?
>Anon stands unnaturally still for a moment
>His face stretches into a wide grin
A: Would they use the riding crop too?
AJ: Sometimes, Ah'm really worried fer ya, Anon

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>Day 1301 Composition and Rhetoric on Earth
>Be Applejack

	Yesterday was the most difficult day I had experienced in Anon's world thus far. Tabitha does not understand the nuance of personal space and has grown quite fond of feeding me. It is becoming a chore to battle her and I have to put my hoof down today or Tabitha's antics will persist. Anon has told me that she is out of town for the day, but it is a small break. Pinkie Pie was considerably better at following directions than this overzealous human.
	The time must have been high-noon as I glanced out the window and saw the radiant sun above. In the week I lived with Anon, I had not left his apartment and it was starting to drive me a little crazy. I was resolved to get out, at least for a short while, and feel the sunshine on my face again.
	"Anon, we need ta' talk" I said firmly.
	Anon looked up from his coffee, "Sure thing. What're we talking about?"
	"Ah jus' can't be cooped up here no longer. Ah need ta go out!"
	"SugarSmacks, I think we already had this talk and the answer was unclear" Anon sipped his drink with a loud slurp.
	"No, -you- listen, mister" I puffed out my chest, "It ain't like me ta' even sit in one place fer long. Now it's been a week with no runnin' 'er jumpin' 'er nothin'. Ah don't think Ah can take much more."
	Anon looked around for a moment before taking another swig from his cup. It was so quiet you could hear a mouse squeak. Finally, Anon stood to his feet and announced that he had an idea. I was not entirely sure what he was planning, but anything was better than this confinement.
	Anon looked across the table at me, "AJ... I think I may have found a place for you to go. However, you'll have to do exactly as I say to ensure that we're both safe."
	I did not care what he was planning or how we could pull this off. The thought of running through the grass again and muddying my hooves was overwhelming. Anon tossed a long raincoat to me and told me to cover up completely. I did not see rain in the sky, but perhaps he was onto something. With a few snags, what with it being a human coat, I was covered and ready.
	"I'll head out first. Don't follow unless I wave you in like this" Anon made a gesture with his hand.
	I nodded and we began what Anon liked to call, "Operation Horsing Around". Sometimes, I wondered what made Anon so silly between his serious moods. He walked from the doorway and peered around. He waved to me and I followed. Within a few short turns around the apartment, we were outside. I could instantly feel the heat of the day upon me and I took in a deep breath. The warm weather was delightful, save for the smell of the cars spitting foul smelling smoke around me. I wondered if Anon could smell it as well despite his height.
	"OK" Anon retrieved a key from his pocket, "This'll be your first car ride. Rules of the road are to buckle up, keep your head out of the window and don't change the stereo. Hate when people sit shotgun and change my stations."
	This is one of those times I don't understand what Anon is talking about. I just nod as he speaks and it seems to go by faster. A door of his car opened and I hopped into the cramped area. Anon ran around to the other side and sat in his designated seat. This invention was entirely for humans to ride in or so I had learned. Anon placed the key into the wheel and the sound of the motors turning filled my ears. Noisy, smelly and uncomfortable. If I didn't see thousands of them from the window, I would swear this was a terrible idea on paper.
	"So, Anon" I tried to break up his silence, "We're we goin'?"
	He looked over to me, "There's a park near hear. No one ever goes really. A lot of people left this neighborhood for greener pastures."
	I laughed, "Well a'course they would. If'n ya haven't noticed, there's nothing much 'round here 'cept for concrete and steel."
	Anon was pretty sharp, I would admit, but to think anyp0ny would want to live in this place instead of a green pasture was just plain ridiculous. I looked up through the window of the car as we drove and saw trees and buildings pass by. Anon looked more tense than usual and wore his anxiety on his face.
	"AppleJumps" Anon started, "We're almost there now. Maybe five more minutes."
	I smiled from under my cloak and started dreaming up running through the grass again. A memory of Sweet Apple Acres forced its way into my head as I laid on the seat daydreaming. It was a tender moment with Big Mac when we were just little foals. A loud noise broke up my dreaming and I could see Anon was visibly shaking from it.
	"Oh damn! It's the fuzz!" Anon's face contorted into a painful grimace, "Don't talk, just put on your 'cool face'."
	Anon came to an abrupt stop and I could feel his tension. The car turned off as Anon wiped sweat from his brow. We sat their for a moment until I saw another human walking up to Anon's window. He tapped the glass a few times and looked inside. Anon cranked the window downward as the other human began speaking.
	"License and registra..." the man suddenly stopped speaking.
	Anon's face was hilariously twisted and strained. He stared blankly at the human for what felt like an eternity.
	"Problem, officer?" Anon asked nervously.
	The man stared with narrowed eyes, "Get the fuck out of here."
	The car rumbled to life as Anon took off from the officer. He laughed as he recalled what just had happened. He had a way of making short stories interesting to listen to. The car rolled on for a few more minutes before I felt us come to another stop.
	"We made it" Anon smirked, "And no one went to jail. Success!"
	Anon turned off the car and unlocked my door. I casted off the raincoat before stepping down from my seat. The bright light stung my eyes after so long. When I adjusted, I almost couldn't believe what I was seeing. Green grass for miles with a nice thicket of trees on the outer rim of the grounds. It's such a beautiful place that I almost felt like I was home for a moment. I looked to Anon who nodded in approval and I ran like a filly on a hot summer's morning. I could feel my muscles working again. I jumped through the flowers, taking in their scent and freshness as I passed. The grass was not quite short, but just long enough to roll around in. As I wound myself up into a frenzy, Anon sat on a little patch of shallow earth with his legs tucked beneath him.
	"Don't think Ah could interest ya in a little fun?" I called to him.
	He looked to me, "It's funny enough seeing you bounce around like a cat."
	I never know why Anon tries to lie to me. I'm Applejack for Pete's sake. I know a liar when I see one. He tries to bury his feelings from me, from everyp0ny really, I keep telling myself to let him come out before I step in. Despite how the day started though, this trip had made all the problems trivial. Anon didn't have to play, at least, not intentionally. I galloped around him for a moment as he watched me with wide eyes. A swift leap and I was pressed against his back. He fell forward a bit, but supported my weight pretty well.
	"Tell me, sugar-cube" I smiled widely, "Ya ever race before?"
	Anon fidgeted for a moment, "I can't say I have."
	"Why don't ya take yer coat off an' get those legs movin'?" I pressed on him with my hooves.
	Anon did not smile, "AJ, I don't feel like running."
	"Is it 'cause yer afraid ta' be beat by a girl?" I cocked an eyebrow.
	Anon smirked, "How could you beat me with negative four strength?"
	I didn't know what that meant, but I figured that Anon had taken the bait. I hopped off his back and trotted easily around him. I bucked my front hooves out and then my back.
	"Ah can't say Ah blame ya. What with only havin' two legs instead a four."
	Anon squinted, "Four legs good, two legs better."
	He stood to his full height and took off his coat neatly. Anon then removed his shoes and socks, revealing his funny human toes. I needed this more than I realized. I needed the challenge and it made me miss Rainbow Dash. She was always good for a race between napping. Anon trotted in place for a moment and stretched his arms. He crouched over and held his fingers outstretched in an odd position for running.
	"How's about we go to the edge by the trees and back to my coat? You want to count us down?" Anon looked over.
	"Ya' know it, pardner!" I beamed, "3... 2... 1!"
	I sprang from my haunches as hard as I could. I looked straight at where I wanted to be and just pushed on with everything I had. By luck, a miracle, or maybe something other, Anon was no more than a foot away from me. I stared for just a moment and watched him move with his sickening grace that no other human could imitate. I was not ready to turn in my saddle just yet as I kicked my back hooves hard from the soft ground. I could feel sweat starting to coat my face and sides and reveled in the sensation. The goal post was in reach and I was ahead by a neck.
	"Who's a silly... pony... who is? You is" Anon sang between short breaths.
	I gasped a bit, "What in... tarnation?"
	Anon huffed out a laugh as his legs moved him in time with me. He was a blur of black and green that almost looked like rushing water. I snorted and galloped hard towards the finish line, or coat as it were. Anon leaned into his run with all his might. I could hear his hard footfalls stamping the dry earth as hard as my hooves. The coat came into view as Anon began to fall behind me.
	"Shazbot!" Anon yelled as he lost ground.
	I crossed by his coat and came around on the tips of my hooves. A little cheer and a lot of praise was exchanged before I sat on the cool grass.
	"Wooh, doggie! Ah haven't... haven't raced that hard in'a while" I took a hard gulp of air.
	Anon fell back beside me with his entire body sprawled on the grass, "I never... raced... like that... ever."
	We laid there for a little while longer while we recovered. It was probably my best day in Anon's world since I had been here. I rubbed my back into the grass to soften it and laid still for a moment. Anon crawled to his hands and knees and looked over me.
	"I didn't know... ponies could sweat" Anon chuckled.
	"Ah didn't know humans could run" I gasped a reply.
	Anon collapsed beside me, "We... we really shouldn't. What's it... feel like? Pony sweat?"
	I looked up quizzically, "Ah... Ah don't know... never really touched it."
	I felt Anon's finger quickly run down my face. He examined my sweat with two fingers, rolling it and pulling it apart. Unpleasant for all it's worth, but this was Anon, he did this kind of thing more often than not.
	Anon sniffed his hand, "Smells like... apples."
	"Ah've been told that a few times" I laughed a bit.
	My mane was a mess and my tail had come undone. Anon must have been extremely hot under his suit and mask, but he never dared to remove either.
	"Anon" I started softly, "Thank ya kindly fer this. It means a lot ta' me."
	Anon sat up close to me, "Don't mention it. Friendship and whatever."
	"Ah wanna thank ya fer everythin' ya done fer me" I smirked.
	Anon turned in place with a coy grin, "Is this the part where we kiss and confess our love for each other. I'll let you know that I'm not a cheap date."
	How does he always come up with crazy scenarios? I shook my head and looked to him. Even with his mask on, I know the real Anonymous underneath. He's kind and considerate, though he'd never show you without some pressure. I always believed he would say silly or crass things just to see how anyp0ny would react.
	"Ain't a kiss, sugar-cube" I smiled, "Besides, Ah won that race. You should be givin' me a gift if'n ya' even..."
	Without noticing, Anon had poised himself above me and his mask was bunched up to his nose. I couldn't react if I wanted to as his mouth met with my own and our lips locked. The taste of his mouth was like a hoof full of snow. He probed his icy tongue into me and my own breath chilled. I returned the favor and wrapped my hooves under him arms. At that very moment, I was a young filly again under my favorite apple tree with the stallion of my dreams. We must have been locked like that for a solid minute until I eventually had to breathe. Our lips parted with a popping sound and I looked at Anon with lidded eyes.
	"Sugar-cube, ya know this is gonna lead to trouble down the road" I tried not to smile too widely.
	Anon replaced his mask, "Did I ever tell you that apples are my favorite fruit?"
	I looked at him sharply for just a moment and then we both burst into laughter. In all our horsing-around, neither one of us took notice to the lurking person nearby.

AJ: An' Ah swear that's the whole truth. Nothin's goin' 'on' between us
>You finish telling your side of the story to Tabitha
>She looks at you with shock
T: Oh my god... you and him, and him and you... oh god. Anon, how could you take advantage of your friend?
A: Her tongue is like three times bigger than mine! If anything, I was raped
>Anon crossed his arms defiantly
AJ: Ah swear, it was unintentional an'... an'... it jus' sort'a happened?
A: My part was intentional
>You and Tabitha shoot Anon an ice cold stare
AJ: Like Ah was sayin', there's no need ta' get yer braids in'a twist. We're both grown 'ere
>He puts his hands up and scoots away slowly
AJ: It's not like we were gonna get 'involved'
A: Maybe this hurts your perception of Tree-Kicker as a cute, little woodland creature?
>He smiled a bit more cruelly than usually
T: But, she's a pony! You kissed, you two... you exchanged saliva!
A: Editor's Note: She tastes JUST like apples
T: Eww, Anon! Why do you always end up getting weird with everything
>Anon seems content in making Tabitha cringe
>You just don't understand Anon sometimes
>And sometimes
>That's just the magic of friendship

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

>Day la Glorieuse Révolution on Earth
>Be Applejack
>The sun is shining, the birds are chirping, the flowers are in bloom
>You are wallowing in Anon's apartment and looking from the window at the day going by
>Anon, on the other hoof, is spending his day in front of his "PC"
>You counted five hours of Anon doing nothing save for staring into the flickering screen
>Today, you intend to learn what makes that magic box so alluring to him
AJ: Anon, Ah wanna play with ya'
A: Eh... sure! What do you got in mind?
AJ: Ah don't know, what's it yer doin' all day on that thingy?
>You gesture to the computer
A: Well... I was just... doing nothing, really
AJ: Ya' just sat there fer five hours laughin'! How're ya' not doin' nothin'?
A: Oh, well, I am reading... other than that, not much
>You think about reading, or the lack thereof, that you do at home
>A surprising few books come to mind
>But, you have your reasons... and they're good reasons, you are sure!
AJ: Well, uh... could'ya read me what're is so funneh?
>Anon looks a bit nervous and talks rather slowly
A: I can... I don't know if you'd find it as funny as I, however
AJ: A'course Ah would! Ah gotta great sense a' humour
>Anon looks around for a while before he begins
A: Uh, so... actually, come over here. This is a comic page. It's funnier if you see the picture
>You approach Anon and view the image
>You see a picture of a white bear chewing on a block of ice
>The block of ice is filled with apples
>A caption reads, "How does a polar bear knows what apples is??"
>Anon cackles lightly and looks to you before his grin disappears
A: Get it? Because it's a polar bear... and he's eating apples... and apples don't grow in the arctic... and it's funny!
>You laugh weakly
AJ: Ah... Ah guess you're right 'bout mah feelin's on this sort'a thing
A: It is hard to explain
>Anon scrolls a bit and you see a picture of something vaguely familiar
AJ: Whoa there, pardner! What was that thing?
>You tap a hoof on the screen at a picture of a beautiful apple orchard
>It looks so inviting, like you've been there before
A: I don't know. Probably some place far away
>You stare into the picture for a moment
>A yearning for Sweet Apples Acres overtakes you
AJ: Anon... Ah'm bored... lets go out? Ah wanna see the trees and smell the grass
A: Sun is still beaming. It's just not safe yet for us to be seen
AJ: No, it ain't safe fer -me- ta' be seen!
>You pout and stomp your back hooves
>Anon's rules are driving you crazy lately
>You just wish you could wake up and go outside and buck some apples
>You must be wearing your misery well
>Anon takes your front hoof in his hand and strokes around your fetlock
A: Apples, I know you're too mature for this. I know you have a family back home and a real job to attend to. It's hard on Earth and I am truly sorry
>You look into his eyes
>You've never seen Anon speak with so much conviction
A: I know Twilight will be here any day now to take you home. Just let the time come and have patience with my world
>Anon tries to smile and you respond in kind
AJ: Anon, Ah ain't mad with'choo. Don't ever think that fer'a second. Ah'm just...
>You hear a frantic knock at the door
T: Anon! Open up! This is important!
>Anon rushes to the door and Tabitha charges in
>She slams the door behind her
A: What is it? What's important?
T: Turn on the news! Channel 44!
>Anon quickly flips the television on and a human starts talking
Reporter: The city has been placed on high alert as a reported, "large, black insect" swarm has been seen terrorizing citizen in lower-east Yonkers
>A picture flashes of an insectoid creature with a horn, wings and sharp fangs charging a parked car
AJ: Changelin's? Here on Earth?! Ah thought Earth didn't have Equestrian ponies?!
A: ... It doesn't
>The reporter continues
R: Authorities are advising you stay indoors and do -not- engage these creatures!
AJ: Whoa, Nelly! This is bad, real bad!
A: I am both astonished and excited right this very moment. What does it mean?
T: It means that we are in serious trouble. A new threat from Applejack's home world is going to destroy us
A: Come now, we have guns! Well, some people have guns. Besides, don't they only eat "love" or something otherwise corny? They'll surely starve to death around here
>You watch in real time as a changeling charges the reporter
>He falls and struggles before he is knocked out by a strong hoof
>The Changeling opens its mouth over his unconscious body
>The reporter rapidly ages until he is old and feeble
A: Oh shit! That was different! Well... I suppose we just stay inside where we are safe?
>You are about to agree with Anonymous when the door to his room is forced open
>Two skittering changelings hiss and charge into the room
A: I shall be right back...
>Anon rushes to the kitchen area
>A changeling attempts to chase him, but you lay it low with a powerful kick
AJ: Yee-haw! Haven't got to kick that hard in ages!
>The other changeling quickly assumes your form
>It's upon you in a moment and you tussle around the floor
A: Alright, cut that out this instant!
>The two of you hop apart and stare each other down
>You see Anon is holding a fire extinguisher
AJ: Anon! Blast this bug!
AJ: No, Anon! Ah'm Applejack! Blast that phony!
A: Oh, I love this movie! Do you remember the rough sex we had while watching it, Applebottom?
>You can't believe Anon is spouting nonsense like that at a time like this!
AJ: Why yew filthy pervert, we ain't ever had...!
>A blast of compressed air sends the changeling sailing into the couch
A: I will probably forgive you for calling me, "filthy" in time, AppleSnacks
>You smile at Anon
>The changeling stirs for a moment
>Anon sails across the room with his abnormal fluidity and bashes the beast over the head
>A pleasant metallic ring echoes for a moment as the changeling falls to the ground
A: This thing is incredible! Why haven't I been carry one on the subway?
>Tabitha motions to the window with an outstretched finger
T: M-m-more!
>You all look out to see two other changelings scaling the building like angry wasps
>They spot you and hiss before pounding their head into the glass
A: Huh... well... run!
>Tabitha is already out the door and you follow close behind her
>Anon clutches the fire extinguisher and runs out to into the hall
>The door slams shut before her looks to you
A: Well... I suppose we don't have to hide you anymore! Sometimes, life has a funny way of working out
T: Anon, not now. We'll work on your pessimism after this issue
>Anon shrugs and you run down the steps
>Reaching the bottom floor, you all emerge into the sunshine for the first time since you've lived on Earth
>The sun is beautiful here and the air is so light and cool
>You sigh a bit as you take in the beauty of a sunny day
>This is all quickly washed aside as you see humans battling changelings across the street
AJ: We gotta help 'em!
>The human punches a changeling to one side and gets to his feet
A: Ah, he looks fine
>Three changelings dog-pile the human to the floor again
A: Yep... everything's going to be alright!
>Tabitha and you stare hard at Anon before you break away to the human
>With a battle cry, you stamp in and buck the daylights from the mob of beasts
AJ: Git up, pardner! We gotta make trails!
>The human looks up at you for a moment with wide eyes
>He slowly nods and staggers to his feet before running away
>Anon approaches you from behind
A: Very nice work! You didn't even give him a heart attack
T: What are we going to do? We need to get out of here?
A: My easily excitable friend... we do what we always do in times of invasion
>Everyone looks to Anon who seems much too calm about this
A: We ride!
>He brandishes his keys and races to his car
A: I knew filling up the tank last night was a good idea
T: I didn't know you actually drove
A: There are many wonderful and terrible things you don't know about me. But, to stare into the face of the abyss would only lead you deeper in
>Anon winks
T: You see, Anon? This is why people don't talk to you
A: What? Lots of people talk to me
T: Auditory hallucinations does not a person make
AJ: We can't do this whole arguin' thin' right now, fellas!
>Anon nods and opens the car
>You hop in the backseat while Anon and Tabitha climb into the front
>A changeling lands on the hood of the car and hisses into the window
>Anon smiles and quickly flips his car around
>The changeling falls to one side with a thump
>Anon guns the engine forward, leaving an angry changeling in the rear-view mirror
>You turn and stare out the back window as the building you've called 'home' disappears
AJ: S'cuse me fer askin', but where're we goin'?
A: I... don't really know? As far as we can from here... lets see what the news can tell us, yeah?
>Anon fiddles with some dials on the radio
>A human voice comes through
Reporter: The national guard has been called in to attempt to stop this insect menace. Do -not-, I repeat, do -not- leave you homes for any reason. Close all shutters and turn down the lights. The creatures are attracted to movement and sound
>Anon turns off the radio
A: Well... that was useless... want a hot dog?
T: What?
>Anon points to a parked truck up ahead
>You shrug, not really sure what kind of food is called a, 'Hot dog'
>Anon stops the car nearby, but keeps it running
>The three of you approach the truck and Anon calls out
A: Hey! Anyone home?
>Silence
A: Figures... hang on a moment out here and watch for anything
>Tabitha and you nod
>Anon is fairly quick, coming out with minutes with a lot of food
A: Waste not, want not as I occasionally say during a crisis
>Tabitha laughs slightly
>Anon hands you an opened bag of something
A: It's a human snack, I know... but, you might like it? I also have potato pieces
>You sniff at the bag and it's not the least bit appealing
AJ: Lemme have a go at those potato pieces
>Anon hands you a checkered tray
>The potato bits aren't half bad!
>You all eat up in the car before dumping the trash outside
>Anon begins driving again to who knows where
>Night falls and you grow tired of being in the car
>Usually car rides meant you'd be running in the park
>You do understand the circumstances though
A: Well... there's a motel up ahead... want to stop for the night?
>Tabitha is sleeping on her door
AJ: That'd be nice. Ah could use a stretch
>Anon stops shortly after and leaves the car
>You focus into the night and try to gain your bearings
>You've never been so far from home base and it's rather exciting
>Anon returns in a moment and you are finally parking
>With a small sigh of relief, you hop down from your seat and stretch out
AJ: Ah just don't know how humans do it. Mah legs are mighty sore for just sittin' there
>Anon opens a door and you walk inside
A: I'm going to get Tabitha. Wait here and keep an eye out for anything out of the ordinary
>Anon goes to the car and you look around the room and back outside
>The night is crystal clear with the moon hanging high
>Aside from that, the lighting on this building helps you see very well
>You see Anon and Tabitha stagger into the room and lock the door
A: Well, this should do for the night. I just hope they don't spread too quickly in our direction
AJ: Ah don't know, Anon. This reminds me of the princess' weddin' day all ova' again. Least then we had Celestia with us... and we were all together...
>Anon glides to you and strokes your mane
A: Buck up, you! I can't have two people falling to pieces in the same room
>Anon always seems to make you smile, even if it's just his silliness
AJ: Wadda' ya' think's gonna happen?
A: Well, in this situation... on Earth. We'll mobilize one army branch after another until we either win or cause mutually assured destruction
T: You don't think they nuke the city, do you?
A: It depends how lazy we get or how hard the enemy becomes. I don't know much about changelings other than stories I heard. We don't have pony magic either, so uh... yeah, there's that setback
>You notice an energy interrupting the room
AJ: Anon! Tabby! Git back! Somethin' ain't right here!
>You all dive for cover behind the bed and peak over it
>A distortion in space becomes apart and a rift forms
>The glow of magic reminds you of somep0ny
>A purple unicorn steps through the rift
>It's Twilight!
>At least... you think it is
Twilight Sparkle: Finally! I have been looking all over this crazy Earth for you!
>You rush out from cover and take Twilight in your hooves
AJ: Oh, Twi! Ah never gave up hope! Ah missed ya so much, Ah missed all a'ya!
>Twilight separates you from her
TS: Applejack, I missed you too. We are in great danger here though
AJ: Oh, we know. Changelin's are here on Earth!
>Twilight looks flustered
TS: So, the invasion has already happened in this time line. I see. Tell me, did you and Anon copulate?
AJ: Eh, beg pardon?
TS: Did you two fornicate with each other?
AJ: Fer-ni... what?
>Twilight sighs
TS: Did you two have sex?!
AJ: Whoa, Twi! Easy there! We ain't never done more than a lil' kissin' was all
>Twilight seems like she's making calculations
TS: That seems very odd. Usually, by the time Anon's world is invaded and destroyed, he's succeeded in breeding the pony of that dimension. Very curious
A: Destroyed?
T: Bred?!
>Twilight looks over to Anon and Tabitha
TS: Anon... and other human girl... come here. We have to be brief and strike quickly
>Anon does what he's told, but Tabitha hangs back slightly
TS: I said, "Come here"
>Twilight looks very angry
TS: Let me quickly explain why you are coming with me. It helps with every other Anonymous I have met so far. Anon, you're world is on the verge of collapse as is Equestria. We must go back, all of us, to a time before anyp0ny ends up trapped on Earth. In the few years that they are gone-
>Anon crosses his hands in a T shape
A: Slow down, TwiBright. You know I'd help you without a moments doubt
>Twilight eyes you suspiciously
TS: You seem different from the other Anons... I wonder if it has anything to do with Applejack? This would be excellent to study if we weren't all going to die
>You all look at Twilight before starting
AJ: So, where are we going?
TS: When are we going, you mean
>Twilight smiles
TS: I am gathering all the Anons and their respective ponies in a safe haven in Canterlot to the very day before the invasion on the kingdom
AJ: Ya sound like ya planned this out well
TS: I did... or I will, but thank you all the same. Most of my information comes from my dying body in the future
>Your eyes go wide
AJ: Dyin'... body?
TS: Yes, I learned this powerful time spell from my defeated self and instructed to save Equestria... I am working on the 'how' part now...
AJ: Well, dang... we better git goin'!
A: I concur, time is of the essence here!
>Twilight keeps staring at Anon
TS: Why are you so different? You don't act like any of the other Anonymous I've met...
>Twilight suddenly blasts Anon with a spell
>Anon flinches in place, but doesn't look hurt overall
A: What's the big deal? Why are you trying to magic me to death?
TS: It's the spell I use to remove illusions from changelings... you are either a stoic Anon or a very powerful changeling...
A: I am just me... don't tell me my other dimensional selves are a bunch of spaghetti-spewing asperger-lords?
TS: Funny, they always remark to each other in that manner... you must be one of them in that case
>Anon shakes a fist at nothing and looks slightly angry
TS: Well, lets go... and mind your doubles or any other humans there
A: Other... humans?
TS: Of course, I often find another human is linked to you or the respective pony... apparently, we need them all
>Anon looks to Tabitha who is shaking in a corner
A: You heard to unicorn. We're heading out!
>Anon salutes the air before marching to Twilight
T: I... I don't want to...
>Tabitha looks very afraid and weeps lightly
>You go to her
AJ: Tabby, look, it's me, you're friend Applejack. Ah know this all seems sudden, but Twilight's a great friend an' the best unicorn with magic ta' boot! If'n she says we can save everyp0ny, well, Ah know she's tellin' the truth. We need ya', Tabby. Earth needs ya, Equestria needs ya! Wadda ya' say, pardner?
>Tabitha looks you over carefully and slowly stands to her feet
>She smiles a half smile at you and then to Twilight
T: OK... lets save the world...
TS: That's the spirit! Now stand back while I make a portal
>Twilight's horn grows with a powerful spell
>The air splits and space divides under her power
TS: Get in! It's only going to last so long!
>You and Anon charge in first with a gleam in their eye
>You see Tabitha approach carefully from behind
>As Twilight enters, the rift closes behind you all
>The shine of a brilliant light temporarily blinds you all and you feel the forces of magic pull at your being
>With a sickening twist, you arrive at your destination
>Your eyes readjust and you see the palace walls as neatly as you left them
AJ: Oh mah stars... Ah'm home! Anon, ain't it excitin'?
>Anon shakes off the traveling sickness
>Tabitha doesn't fare so well and loses what lunch she had
A: Well, isn't this place familiar... last time I was here, I was a prisoner on death row... good times!
AJ: Ah saved yer hide that time too
>You nudge Anon and wink
A: I believe you did, haha!
TS: Right this way, everyp0ny. I will show you to your room
>You help Tabitha up and follow Twilight
T: This is... this is all real? This is really happening?
A: it's like you didn't believe me or the talking, orange horse...
>You climb a few steps before enter a hallway
>There you see what Twilight was talking about
>Two Anons, Rainbow Dash and Rarity and two more female humans
A2: Hey, guys, look! It's Applejack!
>The other two Anons run to you with eager faces and large smiles
A1: Oh, please... stay with your respective ponies, you 'tards
A2: Hey, Anon! This fag cereal?
A3: I think he wants to be. What'choo gonna do about us petting best pone?
>All the Anons seem to get into a conversation that is completely indescribable by pony language standards
A3: MFW Anon won't let me pet Tree-kicker
A1: I never said that, you greentext fag! We had a long trip and...
A2: Did we give her the D?
>Anon2 smiles widely and Anon3 laughs
A1: No! We said we'd never do that with FlutterRapist, remember?
A2: Oh, u... or me... whatever. We really changed. If I saw Fluttershy right now, I'd tell her I was sorry for not taking her up on that offer
A3: Yeah, ponies and people are surprisingly lenient to horsefuckers
A2: I prefer 'hoofer' myself
A1: Damn it... Apples isn't like that! She's...
A2: Smart!
A3: Caring!
A1: Shut up! Stop doing that!
A2: We're you, faggot! We all felt the same way, how can you not remember the feels we had working on Sweet Apple Acres?
>You think that three Anon's might just overload your brain if you keep listening
>Besides, it's getting weird
T: So, um... who are the other two?
>The Anons spend time catching everyone up and having their socially inept meet-and-greet
TS: AJ, I am counting on you to take charge while I am away. The more Anons I add, the crazier it gets in here
AJ: Ah'll do mah best
>Twilight smiles and turns to an empty space
>In a flash, she is gone
>You have faith in Twilight that she's doing what's best
>You look back to the group for a moment
>Counting up, there are three Anons including your own
>It would appear one is missing
AJ: Anon... which one of ya' were with Twilight?
>The Anons stop long enough to look confused
A2: You know... I haven't actually thought of that
A3: I just got her a minute ago. Came with Rainbow Dash
>Anon2 quickly interjects
A2: Pfft, haha, inside! Haha
>Rainbow Dash blushes behind him
A3: Look who's talking! Mr. Ben Dover
A2: No way! It was in my mouth. That's totally straight
>Rarity blushes next at the comment
>It makes you laugh to think how Anon managed to do something lewd with either Ms. Prissy-Hooves or Rainbow "Bathhouse" Dash
>You are sure these Anons are going to be a handful after all
>You sigh and give your Anon a reassuring smile
AJ: Ah am sure Twilight won't keep us long
>At that instant, a portal opens behind you
>You look back and smile