Color Splash boss rant

Wow, just wow. Intelligent Systems, you've done it. You've set a new fucking standard for a boss battle.

Your first boss is Morton, nothing too bad, hit him a few times until he reaches 66% health. Then he sets his hammer on fire, obviously this is going to deal more damage. You have 50 HP max at this point and you're near full, all set for whatever he's gonna do. He swings his flaming hammer, you try blocking it and.... 48 damage, no kidding. Your blocking is completely useless. 48 regardless of what you do. Forty-eight damage, from the first boss of the game, when your max health is at 50. What the fuck were they thinking???

Obviously the solution the game wants is you to use the Fire Extinquisher Thing card. All those people playing against the wishes of the designer? Yeah fuck em, use Thing cards or you're dead as shit.

Well it can't be too bad, they give you these replica Thing cards too, basically they are like normal ones but can't be used outside of battle. Really handy when you think about it and makes sense. So you give this replica Thing card a try against Morton, animation plays just fine... then in the middle of it he bashes the ground and it ends early doing fucking nothing.

"REPLICA TOO PUNY!" yeah fuck you too Morton.

So... is there some way around this? I decided to experiment of course.

Spike Helmets don't protect you, enemy cards which can be used to defend yourself just have the enemies run away without doing anything due to being scared shitless of that 48 damage. You have 2 card slots at this point, a mushroom heals 40 health. So basically you'll have to waste both slots to make sure you don't die. It just isn't possible to do anything.

His health at the beginning also does indeed cap at 66% just to make sure you absolutely cannot kill him without the extinquisher. This is literally Sticker Star on steroids.

Oh and while jumping on Morton with the hammer on fire, the game doesn't like that fire effect very much and starts dropping frames which can make your jumps near impossible to time. Just great.

Intelligent Systems, I fucking love you guys.