BF Session 13-2

[20:40]	<[GM]Mary>	Later that night, a maid awaited another, and soon, then, was righteous palaver held between them.
[20:42]	* Mary	sits alone along the stone wall, her arms wrapped around her knees and head bowed before them.
[20:46]	* Cerise	appears around a corner and finds her friend.
[20:46]	<Cerise>	Mary?
[20:46]	<Cerise>	Mary, what's wrong?
[20:47]	* Cerise	approaches at a faster pace, concerned.
[20:48]	* Mary	slowly brings her head up, and tries to graft a sad smile. She gives up halfway through her attempt.
[20:49]	* Mary	sighs.
[20:49]	<Mary>	Everything.
[20:50]	* Cerise	kneels down next to Mary, reaching out, but pulls away when Mary responds.
[20:51]	<Cerise>	Master didn't take it very well.
[20:51]	<Mary>	No...
[20:52]	* Cerise	takes a seat against the wall also, keeping an arm's length distance from Mary.
[20:52]	<Cerise>	I'm...Sorry.
[20:55]	<Mary>	Don't be. It was my decision, it's my burden to bear. I just wish it could have been better. That I could be better.
[20:59]	<Cerise>	...That's not true. You're the best person out here in this wasteland. If it's anyone's fault...
[20:59]	<Cerise>	If it's anyone's fault you're not as good as you should be...it's mine.
[21:03]	<Mary>	...No. No I'm not, Cerise. I cannot take things all the way. I cannot be the best I can be, out of selfishness and indecision.
[21:04]	<Mary>	I have no excuse. You are not an excuse.
[21:06]	<Cerise>	Yes, I am! If I never told you how...how I feel about you, then you wouldn't have gotten hurt like this.
[21:08]	<Cerise>	I guess...
[21:08]	* Cerise	's voice grows quieter.
[21:08]	* Mary	shakes her head.
[21:08]	<Cerise>	...It was a bad idea after all.
[21:11]	<Mary>	Cerise, don't tarnish what we have for one another with regret. I made my choice knowing the consequences, and while I do regret the circumstances... I do not regret kissing you.
[21:13]	* Mary	pitches her elbow on her knee, and uses her palm to hold her head while contemplating these things.
[21:14]	<Mary>	That's something we need to talk about.
[21:14]	<Mary>	Our relationship is about to get very complicated.
[21:16]	* Cerise	grip around her rifle gets a little tighter.
[21:16]	* Mary	. o ( as if it isn't already. )
[21:18]	<Mary>	Cerise, a lot of things are going to happen, perhaps sooner and more intensely than we both could expect. There will be words, and there will be pain. These things will drive us apart, if we allow them to do so.
[21:22]	* Cerise	merely listens, unable to think of anything to say.
[21:26]	<Mary>	If we want to keep what we have between us, we'll have to endure many things... including each other. Are you ready to do that? Are you ready to hurt yourself and the one you love, for better or for worse? Are you ready to give yourself completely for the better of two than one?
[21:29]	* Mary	sits up, giving her words their proper attention.
[21:32]	* Cerise	takes a moment to take in what Mary is asking her.
[21:38]	* Mary	leans her face against her arms crossed on her knees, and cuts the silence:
[21:38]	<Mary>	I ask too much of you.
[21:39]	* Cerise	tries to speak, but the words get caught in her throat. Why can't I answer?
[21:40]	<Mary>	I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, Cerise.
[21:40]	<Mary>	I think of you either as an adult or a child whenever one best suits me.
[21:41]	<Mary>	I do the same to Ludwig, too...
[21:53]	<Cerise>	Then can you really feel about me the same way I feel about you?
[21:57]	* Mary	chuckles, in the sad sort of way she did on that night. Her voice is slowly weakening, showing signs that it's going to crack.
[22:01]	<Cerise>	I know my way of thinking isn't very common, and really inconvenient especially in the kind of world we live in, but I can't ignore how I feel, especially after last night.
[22:04]	<Mary>	...You know what? I don't know. I don't know if I can live up to the things I say anymore. Every time I think I know myself, that I know you, that I know us, something happens that dashes the false little reality I've made. I'm so naive. Can I return it... Can I... Oh, Lord...
[22:08]	<Mary>	I'm sorry, Cerise. I'm so, so sorry. I love you. This, I believe is true, if nothing else. But I don't know! I'm so unsure about everything else... About us, about myself, about Ludwig... About the sex...
[22:10]	* Mary	now, seems to be close to tears.
[22:12]	<Cerise>	If it hurts you that much...
[22:12]	<Mary>	Cerise...
[22:19]	<Cerise>	Will you be better person...if I didn't stay with you?
[22:20]	* Mary	sits still for about five seconds, swallowing and taking a deep breath.
[22:20]	* Cerise	wipes her eyes. Just the idea she's coming up with hurts to tell Mary.
[22:20]	<Cerise>	You already can't see me...
[22:21]	<Mary>	Cerise.
[22:21]	<Cerise>	If I were quieter, it's as if I'm not around anymore.
[22:22]	* Mary	continues:
[22:27]	<Mary>	The many hours I've spent with you, I think of as a touch of paradise... A dawn rising above the horizon as a beacon of hope, and that that hope may one day spread across these desolate lands, and my desolate heart.
[22:27]	<Mary>	You and you alone make me feel this way, that I am alive.
[22:28]	* Mary	turns to Cerise, and opens her eyes.
[22:29]	<Mary>	In the Bible it is said that men have seen angels in times of trial... But I have seen you, and you are enough.
[22:35]	* Cerise	shuts her eyes tight, but try as she might, the tears are making their way out and down her cheeks as she begins sobbing quietly.
[22:36]	<Mary>	Oh, Cerise...
[22:39]	* Mary	crawls over to her crying friend, and brings her close.
[22:43]	* Cerise	holds on to Mary tight, crying into her shoulder.
[22:45]	* Cerise	manages to calm down after some time, at least enough so that she sounds coherent when she speaks.
[22:48]	<Cerise>	Y...Your question...*sniff*...from before...
[22:51]	* Mary	comforts Cerise in silence, stroking her hair and rubbing her back.
[23:00]	<Cerise>	I'll put up...with anything, if it meant I could stay...with you.
[23:01]	<Cerise>	Even before...I thought that being...your friend would be enough, even if it meant...you'd never know my real feelings.
[23:03]	* Mary	after a moment, a tear rolls effortlessly down her cheek. She pushes her head behind Cerise's.
[23:05]	<Mary>	You would put up with anything... Are you ready to put up with... me?
[23:06]	* Cerise	laughs a little through her tears.
[23:07]	<Cerise>	What do you think I've been doing since all this time?
[23:07]	* Mary	really starts to cry now.
[23:08]	<Mary>	Oh-h-h... I'm so s-, sorry, Cerise... I'm so sorry...
[23:18]	<Cerise>	H-hey...Dummy, I didn't say that to...make you cry!
[23:20]	* Mary	chokes out a shaky laugh through tears.
[23:22]	<Mary>	*sniff* that's... that's what I, what I keep thinking... F-funny how that happens, huh? How we hurt those we love the most... I bet I've hurt you a lot...
[23:28]	* Cerise	doesn't speak and merely lays her hand on Mary's.
[23:36]	* Mary	continues like this for a short while, but after the sobbing quits, she lean her body and head back against the wall, appearing to look up in closed eyes while pulling Cerise along with her. She sits silently for a moment.
[23:38]	<Mary>	I've been doing a lot of crying lately. A little baptism of tears when I need to be renewed. Sometimes, I wonder if I deserve the comfort of tears.
[23:41]	<Cerise>	You say that like you're a horrible person.
[23:42]	<Cerise>	Which you're not...
[23:42]	<Mary>	Hm. I can be pretty bad, sometimes.
[23:43]	<Cerise>	You care enough about other people to feel bad that you're hurting them.
[23:45]	* Mary	shakes her head.
[23:46]	<Mary>	If I cared, I'd be more careful in what I say, and what I do, and how I do them.
[23:48]	<Cerise>	Sometimes people won't like what you're telling them no matter what you say.
[23:50]	<Mary>	Sometimes people won't like what you're telling them because you've told them otherwise...
[23:50]	* Mary	sinks into Cerise.
[23:51]	* Cerise	sighs.
[23:57]	<Mary>	I'm so worried about Ludwig... I really, really cut him deep today, made all the sharper by inexperience and those involved.
[00:01]	<Mary>	I don't know what to do... Ludwig needs somebody. I'll always be there for him in the ways I can, but I can't be there for him in the ways I should.
[00:03]	* Cerise	remains quiet. She knew full well Ludwig wouldn't not react in some way.
[00:07]	<Mary>	Haah... I don't know what to do. I have a duty to fulfill both to him and the human race, but I'm choosing to fail both of them.
[00:11]	<Mary>	I need to clear my mind. I have to do something. And I'll need your help.
[00:12]	<Cerise>	...So, what can I do?
[00:13]	* Mary	smiles.
[00:15]	<Mary>	Be my companion when I'm alone. Lend me your shoulder when I want to cry. Give yourself to me when I need a hug. Show me your smile when I need to be happy. But above all, just be my friend, just be you.
[00:19]	<Cerise>	So...The usual?
[00:20]	* Mary	now she really laughs, and jumps forth to hug Cerise exuberantly.
[00:20]	<Mary>	Yes!
[00:22]	* Cerise	laughs along hugging Mary back.