Sense of Identity

Oh hey it's me again.  So I've been thinking about myself again, my identity, and my sense of self.  For the last few months, I thought that I was a transwoman.  It seemed like the best way to describe myself with what I was going through and how I was feeling about myself.  The more I thought about myself, the more I realized that it wasn't really the most accurate way to describe me.

The most important thing I noticed about myself was the attachment that I have to my body.  While I by no means see myself as a male in the traditional sense, I wasn't sure if I could really see myself as a woman.  While it would be nice to have other parts, I don't mind having the parts I have on me.  Maybe I forgot that there is space for feminine boys to live on this world, a notion that is forgotten in the society around me.  I already have very feminine mannerisms, I just want to feel more comfortable expressing it through my physical experience.  Talking with other people, especially Vergil, really helped with coming to this realization.

I also wondered if I was gender non-conforming or any other term that would describe me.  Yet despite being way out of gender norms, I still have this strong sense of attachment to my body.  I can admire myself in the mirror at any given time, I just wish I could look better in my own eyes.  The attachment is so strong though.

So I see myself as a femme boy.  I prefer to go by he/him, but being called she/her is of no consequence to me.  I'm keeping the name EstellaLumireis as a way to emphasize my sense of identity as a femme boy and what I am conveying here.

Thank you for reading this.