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tom_111

When it's time to party, we will party hard.

tom_111
Mar 16th, 2012
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  1. Bro
  2. Have you ever worn a party hat?
  3.  
  4. Grey
  5. ...What?
  6.  
  7. Bro
  8. You know, a party hat. A cone with a strap connected to it. Maybe a little puffy ball on top? You wear 'em at little kids' birthday parties. New Years Eve. Places like that.
  9.  
  10. Grey
  11. I don't...
  12.  
  13. <I'd like to get back to more important things. Despite myself, though, I can't help but actually consider this ridiculous question.>
  14.  
  15. Grey
  16. You know, come to think of it... I... I don't think I've ever worn a party hat before. Is that weird?
  17.  
  18. Bro
  19. I don't know! But I was thinking about it the other day and I realized that I've never worn one either! At least not that I can remember. And I gotta say, I have a pretty top-shelf recollection. Not to brag. But you remember Stacy Keaton's 8th birthday party?
  20.  
  21. Grey
  22. No. Who the hell--
  23.  
  24. Bro
  25. Well I do, and we didn't wear party hats. Same deal with Brent Sanderson's 10th birthday party. You remember him? The weird smelly kid in the back of Ms. Bouvier's class?
  26.  
  27. Grey
  28. Oh god, I totally forgot about him. That smell was like... like if glue could fart, isn't that what we said?
  29.  
  30. Bro
  31. Yeah! His mom gave him a card with $500 in it at that party. And she didn't buy anyone a single party hat, that bitch.
  32.  
  33. Grey
  34. What does one have to do--
  35.  
  36. Bro
  37. Anyway, I wasn't sure if that was weird or not, you know? To never wear a party hat. I sort of thought it was, but now you say you haven't either. And what are the odds that we're both weird in the same weird way? That would be weird.
  38.  
  39. Grey
  40. Are you going to get to a point sometime this century?
  41.  
  42. Bro
  43. Well, I mean, I was thinking about it and -- well, look. Like. You might NEVER wear a party hat. Ever. You could die tomorrow and you would die without ever having worn a party hat. Doesn't that depress you?
  44.  
  45. Grey
  46. It depresses me that I might die tomorrow. Party hats don't really enter into it, you know?
  47.  
  48. Bro
  49. Well it fucking bums me out, man. Like, it seriously depresses me. I'm not sure it should make me this sad. But it does. So while I was at the Stop 'n' Fuel yesterday, I grabbed a pack of party hats. Do you know that no one looted any party hats when all the shit went down? No one. Now how does that make sense? You'd think SOMEONE would have grabbed a pack or two during the looting. All the potted plants got stolen, and what good are they? Total hypocrisy, man, I'm telling you.
  50.  
  51. Grey
  52. Potted plants?
  53.  
  54. Bro
  55. So yeah. I have some party hats here and I'm pretty sure we should be wearing them right now.
  56.  
  57. Grey
  58. You're not serious--
  59.  
  60. [bro's sprite changes to a version with a party hat on]
  61.  
  62. Grey
  63. You're serious.
  64.  
  65.  
  66. ---
  67.  
  68. (after a long, dangerous, and tense supply run during which Grey and Bro wear their party hats, the two return to the church.)
  69.  
  70. Naomi
  71. What the fuck are you two wearing party hats for?
  72.  
  73. Elly
  74. Oh wow! Is it someone's birthday today?
  75.  
  76. Bro
  77. Every day is God's birthday, Virginia.
  78.  
  79. Elly cocks her head and stares at us with a confused smile.
  80.  
  81. Elly
  82. What?
  83.  
  84. Bro
  85. Like a fucking puppy dog, I'm telling you. I just wanna put her in my pocket and carry her around, I swear.
  86.  
  87. Naomi
  88. Why are you wearing party hats, goddamn it?
  89.  
  90. Bro
  91. It's fun. Guess you're allergic.
  92.  
  93. Naomi
  94. You know Grey, I expect this kind of thing from him, but why do you have to get down on his level like that?
  95.  
  96. I shrug, too tired to pretend to be apologetic.
  97.  
  98. Bro pulls the last party hat out of his back pocket and unfolds it.
  99.  
  100. Bro
  101. Here, we have an extra. They come in packs of three... guess the moral there is that you can't have a party with less than three people. You should put it on.
  102.  
  103. Naomi
  104. You're out of your fucking tree if you think I'm gonna wear that thing.
  105.  
  106. Bro looks momentarily deflated, but then Elly raises her hand high in the air, jumping up and down excitedly.
  107.  
  108. Elly
  109. Oooh! I'll take it!
  110.  
  111. Naomi
  112. Don't you dare--
  113.  
  114. Elly takes the hat and puts it on.
  115.  
  116. Elly
  117. How fun! Oh gosh!
  118.  
  119. She runs around in a little circle, then stops suddenly, putting her forfinger to her chin in contemplation.
  120.  
  121. Elly
  122. I don't think I've ever worn a party hat before. Is that weird?
  123.  
  124. Bro
  125. I don't know! I was wondering the same thing too, because I hadn't ever...
  126.  
  127. Bro rambles on to a rapt Elly and Naomi massages her entire face with both hands.
  128.  
  129. Naomi
  130. I'm surrounded by idiots. It's the goddamn apocalypse, and I'm surrounded by idiots...
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