Thread 100: Stories 31-45

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

 >SA
"Past SA"
~~~

"So, hows the 18 thing going?"

>First date I got super-punched by a fireball.

"Sounds about right."

>...Don't want further clarification?

"Nope. Is Chitania dead yet?"

>No.

"... Nobody else is around now?"

>No.

"Good. RAAGGGEEEEE!"

>RAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGEEEEE!

>"RAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGEEEEEEE!"

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>Lavan
"???"
'???'

>Greetings, past self, I am happy to have this conversation. Time travel, this pleases me.

"This doesn't work if you JUST showed up, you moron!"

'What the FUCK is that supposed to be?'

"Don't. Ask."

>Ooh, ooh, Queen Chrysalis! I have a question!

"...yeah?"

>You're all meeting your past selves, yes?

"Yes."

>And the past selves don't know much about the future, yes?

"Yes?"

>So why don't you try and trick past Shining Armor into-

"LATER!"

Zippidy zip zip!

'...'

>Being a wingman, this pleases me.

'...what the hell is a man-?'

*Star Wipe*

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

 >Sombra
"Past Sombra"

"So about that bo-"

>Everything got buried under rubble.

"Oh so perhaps I should-"

>Choose instead to spend time with your surrogate family? Yes. Your unlife gets far more interesting.

"...as in?"

>We may accidentally invade Canterlot with Shining Armor's Hyperspace Hyperwars figures...

"...wh-why?"

>Trying to ape our harlot friend is harder than you'd think...and somehow they could hijack robots. It was weird.

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>Maud
"Past Maud"
~~~~

>...

"... Why are we still in the Empire?"

>Because of reasons.

"Acceptable. Are we being accommodated."

>The crystal tastes good and the beds are surprisingly nice.

"That is all I require."

>I know. Because its all I require.

"That makes sense... Our father likely thinks we are being crazy."

>We are rebellious and wild.

"This is fun."

>Things are not as he expects them to be, this is humorous.

"He thinks we should be over there, but we are not. His expression is likely away from the norm."

>We are so wild.

"... Do you wish to race Boulder and see who's is faster."

>Yes.

"...wheee."

>This is exciting.

"Go boulder go."

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

 Non-Canon
>Pinkie
"Maud"
~~~~
>Welcome to Late Night /pa/ with your host Pinkie Pie! It's during this time that content doesn't matter, and this is totally not a pre-recorded episode! Now for our main guest...MY SISTER MAUD!
Applause

"...hello Pinkie."

>I bet folks haven't seen you for a while!

"...it's okay."

>But you can always have a spot on my show!

"Thanks..."

>Well, that's all the time we have. This episode was not recoded in front of a live audience. G'night everypony!
Maud wakes up and walks outside. A crystal pony that's fully transparent and shiny walks by. Maud slowly raises a hammer and chisel.
"..."
She slowly puts them back down.


_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>Igneous
"Past Igneous"
~~~~

>....

"...Not a once?"

>Seriously not a single appearance.

"This vexes me. I thought we made an impression."

>I suppose not.

"...This shall have to change."

>I shall hurt the white one again.

"Not too much, he would make a good son in law."

>About that, I'm starting to think him and my daughter aren't dating, and he was just with her when she showed up.

"Oh... well, now I just feel silly."

>Quite silly, yes.

"So-"

>So I can hurt him now.

"Excellent."

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>SS
"Past SS"
~~~~

"...LESS relevant?"

>I got glued to the ceiling during the apocalypse while she went out and cleared the way for a super monster to run through. We haven't done anything special since.

"CRAP!"

>They even infiltrated a place, totally didn't invite me.

"SON OF A GUN!"

>I think she might also be in a secret club, but won't invite me.

"MOTHERFUCKER!"

>GASP! LANGUAGE!

"It's appropriate!"

>But still... language!

"..."

>...but it is motherfucking bullshit, yeah.

"That's what I said!"

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>Chrysalis
"Past Shiny"
'SA'
~~~~

'So then at some point I just stopped hoping. I feel like I've reached celibacy nirvana, you know? Like this is just never going to stop aching, but I liked it-'

>FUCKOFFNEEDTOTALK!

'GAH!'

>SHINY TOSS!

'CHRYSALIS WHYYYYYYYyyyyyyyyy....'

"...Hi, Chrysalis."

>SHIT! You know who I am!? How far back are you!?

"Nightmare Night."

>LOVE DAMN IIIIITTTTTTT!... So there's no way I can convince you that by sleeping with me, you unlock cosmic powers, right?

"Nnnnnooo."

>FUCK!... okay, I'm going to go futz with this anomaly thing and see if I can get you from really far back!

"That sounds like you're fucking with time and space."

>Some kind of fucking is going to be going on, one way or another! AWAY!

ZOOOM!

"...nobody to the left... nobody to the right... nobody behind........... godspeed you damn big beatiful bug, get me SOME action."

~SHINY!~

"OH COME ON! WHY ARE YOU ABOVE ME!?"

~It's the one place you don't look.~

"..."

~...Because no wings-~

"I KNOOOWWWW!"

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

 >Twilight
"Past Twilight"
~~~~

>Alright, so you now have the means to avoid every single solitary problem or confrontation you may encounter. You good to go?

"Yep!... Isn't this going to cause some kind of horrible temporal anomaly, though?"

>We don't know, and that's why we're testing it.

"Brilliant!"

>Brilliant!

"Hi hoof!"

WHOOSH!

>...

"...Uhh..."

>Shit. Okay, forget everything I just said! HURRY!

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>Past AJ
"Present AJ"

>...Why ah'm ah' a princess again?

"Cos-... wait... naw, y'all learn"

>So, what should ah' do about them Changelings? They're kinda just mullin' it in the ballroom and their Queen's bein' way too annoyin t' deal with

"Deal with 'em"

>...Come again?

"Deal with 'em, please, don't screw it all up"

>Err, whut?

"Ah' know this sounds weird cos it's me sayin' it but... give 'er a chance..."

>...Anything else?

"...Hire some secretaries... lotsa secretaries, and knock some bigger windows in yer office asap"

>Ah, ok

"an'investinnadoubleender"

>Say wha'?

"Buy yerself a real comfy chair, an'... make some friends?"

>Huh, s'alright

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

 >AJ
"Past Chrysalis"
~~~

>Oh goddang it.

"I'm onto youuuuuuu."

>This... fer' fucks sake.

"I see through your plans..."

>Ah' hate this. Ah' am so glad this is dead.

"But I shall defeat you... just as I always did."

>Ifya'kill'erya'messuptime...Ifya'kill'erya'messuptime...Ifya'kill'erya'messuptime...Ifya'kill'erya'messuptime...

"...I am the puppetmaster."

>Ifya'kill'erya'messuptimeIfya'kill'erya'messuptimeIfya'kill'erya'messuptimeIfya'kill'erya'messuptimeIfya'kill'erya'messuptimeIfya'kill'erya'messuptimeIfya'kill'erya'messuptimeIfya'kill'erya'messuptime

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

 >Trixie
"Past Trixie"
~~~

"Sooooo-"

>TRIXIE IS OFFICIALLY THE STUDENT OF A PRINCESS!

"EEEEEEEEE!"

>EEEEEEEEEEEE!

>"EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!"

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>Chrysalis
"AJ"
~~~~

"...what in tarnation are ya' doin?"

>I'm trying to futz with this thing to go back in time far enough to get a Shiny that ISN'T hooked on Cadence and WIN!

"...That's moronic."

>You're moronic!

"Mature."

>Statement of fact.

"No yeah, Ah'm clearly the one with is dumb here."

>Pfft, obviously. You didn't even TRY to use it to get a Spike from the future.

"That's not......."

>...

"...Dang it, schooch over."

>Really?

"Ah' just wanna see what he looks like!"

>What the fuck is with you royals and pedophillia!? THIS IS SO WEIRD!

"Oh please, like ya'll ain't so old ya-"

>NO! That is NOT the same thing! A thousand year old being having sex with a twenty year old being is not the same thing as a thousand year old being having sex with a grade schooler! One of these is pedophilla and the other is fine! Stop hiding behind that bullshit for your stupid justification of fetishes!

"...Ya'll are complainin bout-"

>YES! Why the hell do you think if I'm okay with Shiny putting a saddle on me and riding like the wind, that this ALSO means I'm okay with screwing kids!? That's not how anything works!

"This got really off topic."

>I HAVE LIMITS, LUNA! THIS IS SUCH BULLSHIT!

"...Ya'll do realize Shiny started seein' her in highschool, right?"

>...

"..."

>...But they clearly didn't get married till, what, ten to fifteen years later? They couldn't have been super serious five years post school.

"...Really gonna reach fer' that one, ain't ya-"

>SHUT UP OR HELP ME!

"...It ain't pedophillia iffin' he's from the future.

"THAT-... is actually right, fair enough. So... fuck up time with me?... Literally."

>Ah' just wanna see!

"Suuuure..."

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

 >Chrysalis
"AJ"
~~~~

"...what in tarnation are ya' doin?"

>I'm trying to futz with this thing to go back in time far enough to get a Shiny that ISN'T hooked on Cadence and WIN!

"...That's moronic."

>You're moronic!

"Mature."

>Statement of fact.

"No yeah, Ah'm clearly the one with is dumb here."

>Pfft, obviously. You didn't even TRY to use it to get a Spike from the future.

"That's not......."

>...

"...Dang it, schooch over."

>Really?

"Ah' just wanna see what he looks like!"

>What the fuck is with you royals and pedophillia!? THIS IS SO WEIRD!

"Oh please, like ya'll ain't so old ya-"

>NO! That is NOT the same thing! A thousand year old being having sex with a twenty year old being is not the same thing as a thousand year old being having sex with a grade schooler! One of these is pedophilla and the other is fine! Stop hiding behind that bullshit for your stupid justification of fetishes!

"...Ya'll are complainin bout-"

>YES! Why the hell do you think if I'm okay with Shiny putting a saddle on me and riding like the wind, that this ALSO means I'm okay with screwing kids!? That's not how anything works!

"This got really off topic."

>I HAVE LIMITS, LUNA! THIS IS SUCH BULLSHIT!

"...Ya'll do realize Shiny started seein' her in highschool, right?"

>...

"..."

>...But they clearly didn't get married till, what, ten to fifteen years later? They couldn't have been super serious five years post school.

"...Really gonna reach fer' that one, ain't ya-"

>SHUT UP OR HELP ME!

"...It ain't pedophillia iffin' he's from the future.

>THAT-... is actually right, fair enough. So... fuck up time with me?... Literally.

"Ah' just wanna see! That's all! No funny business!"

>Suuuure...

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>Past AJ
"Dash"
~~~

>Well, this all has sounded pretty horrible, but at least stuff is goin' good fer' you, right?

"Actually? Yeah! Totally picked up!"

>That's great! So, where's Spitfire, Ah' wanna see how fast her cleanin' has gotten.

"..."

>...Dash?

"..."

>...Why... why're ya' cryin'?

"...n-no reason..."

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________