ew

1
00:00:27,360 --> 00:00:28,964
[FOOTSTEPS]

2
00:00:29,120 --> 00:00:30,849
LAUREN:
Yes. Uh-huh.

3
00:00:31,000 --> 00:00:32,365
I'm not kidding.

4
00:00:32,520 --> 00:00:35,729
That's where this "class act" brought me.

5
00:00:35,880 --> 00:00:38,804
Yeah, you heard me. Hooters.

6
00:00:38,960 --> 00:00:41,850
This is the first date I've been on
since the divorce...

7
00:00:42,000 --> 00:00:44,924
...and the guy brings me to a Hooters.

8
00:00:46,800 --> 00:00:48,450
Is Tyler asleep?

9
00:00:48,600 --> 00:00:50,762
Oh, yeah! Whoo!

10
00:00:50,920 --> 00:00:53,321
- Not all the way.
- What's he doing?

11
00:00:53,480 --> 00:00:56,086
[SINGING]
This T-shin"s on fire!

12
00:00:56,800 --> 00:00:58,086
Why is he singing that?

13
00:00:58,280 --> 00:01:00,601
[IN ROBOTIC VOICE]
Must save planet Earth.

14
00:01:02,640 --> 00:01:03,801
No, It's all good.

15
00:01:04,000 --> 00:01:05,604
- It's out.
- What's out'?

16
00:01:05,760 --> 00:01:07,091
Oh, God, I'm coming home.

17
00:01:07,240 --> 00:01:08,605
Intruder alert.

18
00:01:12,000 --> 00:01:13,604
[WHIMPERS]

19
00:01:13,800 --> 00:01:16,280
Yeah, maybe that's not actually a bad idea.

20
00:01:16,440 --> 00:01:19,410
Okay, here's the plan:
You're gonna call me in 10 minutes...

21
00:01:19,560 --> 00:01:22,450
...so that I can tell this dope
I have an emergency.

22
00:01:22,640 --> 00:01:25,086
[IN NORMAL VOICE]
Can you give me my bath now?

23
00:01:25,920 --> 00:01:27,604
Make it five minutes.

24
00:01:28,080 --> 00:01:30,242
[ROCK MUSIC PLAYING INDISTINCTLY
ON SPEAKERS]

25
00:01:30,440 --> 00:01:32,442
[PEOPLE CHATTERING]

26
00:01:59,720 --> 00:02:03,008
Got you, uh, Buffalo shrimp
with the sauce on the side.

27
00:02:03,160 --> 00:02:06,528
They'll do that for me here.
I didn't know how you took it so...

28
00:02:07,960 --> 00:02:11,885
You realize that you're not
actually looking at my face right now.

29
00:02:12,040 --> 00:02:14,646
Very tight game going on there.
I don't wanna miss it.

30
00:02:14,800 --> 00:02:18,885
ANNOUNCER: You gotta really swing the ax
hard to get those, uh, hits in deep.

31
00:02:19,680 --> 00:02:21,250
- Hi, Jim.
WOMAN 1: Hey, Jim.

32
00:02:21,400 --> 00:02:22,561
WOMAN 2:
Hey, Jim.

33
00:02:22,720 --> 00:02:25,246
Cheese sticks in the shape of a heart.

34
00:02:25,400 --> 00:02:28,370
From me, Bunny, Bethany and Britney.

35
00:02:28,600 --> 00:02:31,206
Thank you, Bubbles. That's very nice.

36
00:02:31,600 --> 00:02:33,329
- Have fun.
- See you.

37
00:02:33,480 --> 00:02:34,925
JIM:
All right.

38
00:02:35,480 --> 00:02:38,165
Hey, I noticed that you made eye contact
with Boobies...

39
00:02:38,320 --> 00:02:41,085
...but I'm not sure it was her eyes
you were looking at.

40
00:02:45,680 --> 00:02:51,244
So you organize closets for a living.

41
00:02:51,440 --> 00:02:52,601
Yes.

42
00:02:52,760 --> 00:02:57,561
Is it hard to find people who can't organize
their own closets? How does that work?

43
00:02:57,720 --> 00:03:00,087
Well, it's not that they can't
do it for themselves.

44
00:03:00,280 --> 00:03:03,602
It's that they don't have the time
or they don't do it efficiently.

45
00:03:03,760 --> 00:03:06,161
Did you start with organizing
glove compartments...

46
00:03:06,320 --> 00:03:08,448
...and just work your way up from there or...?

47
00:03:11,760 --> 00:03:15,970
Listen, I'm sorry.
I know this is not going well. I, heh...

48
00:03:16,160 --> 00:03:18,561
I haven't been on a date in 20 years.

49
00:03:21,560 --> 00:03:23,961
I haven't been on a date since senior year.

50
00:03:24,120 --> 00:03:25,929
You get married in college?

51
00:03:26,520 --> 00:03:28,887
- Yep.
- Me too.

52
00:03:29,240 --> 00:03:30,651
- Really?
- Yes.

53
00:03:30,800 --> 00:03:33,371
Is this not the weirdest feeling
in the world right now?

54
00:03:33,560 --> 00:03:36,882
Like Weird Al starring in Weird Science.

55
00:03:37,040 --> 00:03:40,647
Yes. I like that. You just came up with that?

56
00:03:41,440 --> 00:03:42,680
Yes.

57
00:03:42,840 --> 00:03:44,330
Very good.

58
00:03:45,160 --> 00:03:49,210
You know, I think I will have
one of these Buffalo shrimp.

59
00:03:49,360 --> 00:03:51,010
And I'll have it with the sauce.

60
00:03:51,400 --> 00:03:52,447
Excellent.

61
00:03:58,000 --> 00:03:59,001
Oh, my God.

62
00:03:59,320 --> 00:04:00,685
Oh.

63
00:04:01,440 --> 00:04:04,284
- It's hot.
- Oh, my God. Who makes sauce this hot?

64
00:04:04,440 --> 00:04:05,646
I just...

65
00:04:05,800 --> 00:04:07,450
Did you drink my beer?

66
00:04:07,640 --> 00:04:09,005
No. No, no. I think you did.

67
00:04:09,160 --> 00:04:11,162
Boobies! Buddy! Britney!

68
00:04:11,320 --> 00:04:14,767
- Can you get me some water?
- Here. Have some French onion soup.

69
00:04:14,920 --> 00:04:16,331
[GASPING]

70
00:04:16,520 --> 00:04:17,885
[SLURPING]

71
00:04:22,000 --> 00:04:23,968
You know, I'm curious.

72
00:04:24,120 --> 00:04:26,009
With so many possible reasons...

73
00:04:26,200 --> 00:04:29,409
...which one's the one your wife left you for?

74
00:04:30,800 --> 00:04:32,290
Cancer.

75
00:04:38,280 --> 00:04:41,204
I'm sorry. I...

76
00:04:41,560 --> 00:04:45,042
...naturally just assumed you were divorced.

77
00:04:45,520 --> 00:04:47,045
It's okay.

78
00:04:47,200 --> 00:04:49,771
I naturally assumed
your husband shot himself.

79
00:04:49,920 --> 00:04:51,729
So we're even.

80
00:04:52,680 --> 00:04:53,886
[PHONE RINGING]

81
00:04:55,280 --> 00:04:56,964
I gotta take this.

82
00:04:58,080 --> 00:04:59,491
Hello.

83
00:04:59,640 --> 00:05:02,564
Whoa, whoa, whoa. Calm down!

84
00:05:02,720 --> 00:05:05,326
An avalanche in our backyard?

85
00:05:05,480 --> 00:05:07,244
I'll be home right away.

86
00:05:08,240 --> 00:05:10,368
It's an emergency. I'm sorry.

87
00:05:12,040 --> 00:05:14,327
Twenty dollars should cover my half.

88
00:05:15,360 --> 00:05:17,727
JEN:
He used the emergency excuse on you?

89
00:05:17,920 --> 00:05:20,400
Like he's the one that had to escape.

90
00:05:20,560 --> 00:05:23,040
- Like I'm so horrible.
- Huh.

91
00:05:23,200 --> 00:05:26,807
Well, everybody has a bad blind-date story
and this loser is yours.

92
00:05:26,960 --> 00:05:28,291
Who set you UP?

93
00:05:28,440 --> 00:05:30,681
One of the mothers in Tyler's class.

94
00:05:30,840 --> 00:05:34,401
Every time I see her
she tells me about her "friend Jim."

95
00:05:34,600 --> 00:05:37,331
And, "Oh, I just have to meet Jim."

96
00:05:37,520 --> 00:05:39,443
Well, she's a liar and an idiot.

97
00:05:39,600 --> 00:05:41,648
You should roofie her and shave her head.

98
00:05:41,800 --> 00:05:44,087
[PHONE RINGS]

99
00:05:44,960 --> 00:05:47,042
Dick? Hi.

100
00:05:48,040 --> 00:05:50,771
- No, I can talk. I'm just at work.
- Great.

101
00:05:50,920 --> 00:05:53,002
Ha, ha. I know. I'm so sore.

102
00:05:53,720 --> 00:05:55,768
[GIGGLING]

103
00:05:57,600 --> 00:05:59,284
I L word you too.

104
00:06:00,280 --> 00:06:02,567
Okay. Talk to you later. Bye.

105
00:06:04,960 --> 00:06:08,282
Did you just use the L word with Dick?

106
00:06:08,440 --> 00:06:10,044
We said it last night.

107
00:06:10,200 --> 00:06:13,647
Jen! That's great! Why didn't you tell me?

108
00:06:13,800 --> 00:06:17,486
Well, you know. You finally went on a date
and it was so awful.

109
00:06:17,640 --> 00:06:20,928
I didn't want to make you feel lonelier
than you probably already feel.

110
00:06:21,080 --> 00:06:23,401
I'm fine, actually. And I'm not lonely.

111
00:06:23,560 --> 00:06:26,006
I have two wonderful men in my life:

112
00:06:26,160 --> 00:06:27,764
Brendan and Tyler.

113
00:06:28,120 --> 00:06:30,885
Brendan needs a girlfriend
and Tyler needs Ritalin.

114
00:06:31,040 --> 00:06:35,648
You're suggesting sex and drugs
as a remedy for my children's behavior.

115
00:06:35,800 --> 00:06:39,646
Aah. Oh, my God. this is the dress
I've been wanting forever.

116
00:06:39,800 --> 00:06:40,926
Ooh.

117
00:06:41,080 --> 00:06:43,321
What? No.

118
00:06:43,520 --> 00:06:46,091
- Who has that kind of money?
- Dick.

119
00:06:46,240 --> 00:06:48,607
Try this on. This is a total MILF dress.

120
00:06:48,800 --> 00:06:52,009
We don't try on the clients' clothes.
It's one of our selling points.

121
00:06:52,240 --> 00:06:55,847
"We won't wear your underwear
while we're organizing your closets."

122
00:06:56,000 --> 00:06:57,081
I'm just saying.

123
00:06:57,760 --> 00:06:58,841
Back to work.

124
00:06:59,000 --> 00:07:03,403
I think right at the bottom of this rack,
we could fit some more shoes and storage...

125
00:07:03,560 --> 00:07:04,686
Jen!

126
00:07:04,840 --> 00:07:07,969
Kanye, come and change the baby.

127
00:07:08,120 --> 00:07:11,488
North is wet and I don't wanna
drop her on camera again.

128
00:07:11,640 --> 00:07:13,961
[LAUGHING]

129
00:07:14,160 --> 00:07:15,650
Okay. Take it off.

130
00:07:15,800 --> 00:07:19,122
No! Look, this whole rack
still has the price tags on.

131
00:07:19,280 --> 00:07:23,205
Technically, she hasn't taken ownership yet.
And besides, she's at the tennis club.

132
00:07:23,360 --> 00:07:25,044
Now, try this on.

133
00:07:25,200 --> 00:07:28,488
This dress can change a woman
from the kind a man cheats on...

134
00:07:28,640 --> 00:07:30,449
...to the kind a man cheats with.

135
00:07:30,600 --> 00:07:31,886
[CHUCKLES]

136
00:07:33,400 --> 00:07:34,811
I'm gonna go pee.

137
00:07:40,560 --> 00:07:43,370
Expensive. Expensive.

138
00:07:43,560 --> 00:07:45,449
Ooh, most expensive.

139
00:07:54,520 --> 00:07:57,046
Wow. I didn't know you were
gonna look that good in it.

140
00:07:58,960 --> 00:08:00,246
Oh, honey, what's wrong?

141
00:08:00,400 --> 00:08:01,447
[WHIMPERS]

142
00:08:01,600 --> 00:08:03,602
I should have tried harder.

143
00:08:03,760 --> 00:08:06,730
I should have dressed sexier.

144
00:08:06,920 --> 00:08:10,003
You didn't do anything wrong. Mark is a pig.

145
00:08:10,520 --> 00:08:12,409
But the kids don't know that.

146
00:08:12,560 --> 00:08:15,006
Agh. They just...

147
00:08:15,640 --> 00:08:17,688
They want us to get back together.

148
00:08:17,840 --> 00:08:20,002
And I don't know how to explain it to them.

149
00:08:20,160 --> 00:08:23,960
Well, it's time for them to learn
that their dad is a big pile of crap.

150
00:08:24,120 --> 00:08:28,364
I get so depressed
I need to wear high, sexy heels.

151
00:08:28,520 --> 00:08:30,841
- Stop jogging.
- It helps.

152
00:08:31,360 --> 00:08:32,930
It's freaking me out.

153
00:08:33,080 --> 00:08:35,447
Look at me. I'm ridiculous.

154
00:08:35,600 --> 00:08:38,046
Come here. Come here.

155
00:08:39,760 --> 00:08:43,128
- Jen's got you.
- Now I see why they call you "Closet Queens."

156
00:08:44,240 --> 00:08:45,605
[CAMERAS CLICKING]

157
00:08:45,760 --> 00:08:47,649
- Instagram.
- Facebook.

158
00:08:47,800 --> 00:08:48,961
'Yes!
'Yes!

159
00:08:50,480 --> 00:08:54,087
JIM: It was awful, man.
There was no connection at all.

160
00:08:54,240 --> 00:08:56,891
I was so happy when you
came up with the avalanche thing.

161
00:08:57,040 --> 00:08:58,644
- That saved my life.
- Ha-ha-ha.

162
00:08:58,800 --> 00:09:02,009
And the way she dressed was like
an assistant principal or something.

163
00:09:02,160 --> 00:09:03,650
I felt like I was in detention.

164
00:09:04,640 --> 00:09:06,449
- I got a girl for you.
- Yeah?

165
00:09:06,600 --> 00:09:08,648
Blond lady. From my belly-dancing class.

166
00:09:09,120 --> 00:09:10,645
A little bit on the plus size.

167
00:09:10,880 --> 00:09:13,963
But when she gets to moving,
all that flapping can make it happen.

168
00:09:14,120 --> 00:09:16,441
- No good.
- That big girl would hit that Hooters...

169
00:09:16,600 --> 00:09:20,525
...like a hurricane. Agh!
Chicken. Steak. Fries. And a Diet Coke.

170
00:09:21,240 --> 00:09:22,651
JIM: All right! Gotcha!
- Ha-ha-ha.

171
00:09:23,240 --> 00:09:25,208
I'm out, man. No more dating for me.

172
00:09:25,360 --> 00:09:27,647
It's time and money
I should be spending with my kids.

173
00:09:27,800 --> 00:09:29,609
Look who it is.

174
00:09:30,120 --> 00:09:31,610
Hey, Larry!

175
00:09:31,760 --> 00:09:33,410
My all-star! Give me some.

176
00:09:33,560 --> 00:09:36,245
It's Hilary, Dad, which is bad enough.

177
00:09:36,560 --> 00:09:37,971
You gonna leave me hanging?

178
00:09:39,040 --> 00:09:40,451
Boom. Guess what?

179
00:09:40,640 --> 00:09:42,449
The new Kodiak tents just arrived.

180
00:09:42,640 --> 00:09:44,130
In time for spring break.

181
00:09:44,360 --> 00:09:47,125
We're going camping in our back yard
again this year?

182
00:09:47,280 --> 00:09:48,691
Why? You too old for that?

183
00:09:48,920 --> 00:09:51,890
No. It's just some kids in my class
are going to Florida...

184
00:09:52,040 --> 00:09:55,123
...or to Colorado or even Switzerland.

185
00:09:55,600 --> 00:09:57,967
You got a lot of rich kids in your school.

186
00:09:58,120 --> 00:10:01,727
- We don't got that kind of money.
- I know. It'd just be nice to go someplace.

187
00:10:03,520 --> 00:10:06,000
You know where you could take her
that's cheap?

188
00:10:06,160 --> 00:10:08,162
My belly-dancing class.

189
00:10:08,520 --> 00:10:10,682
Oh. Put that away. Seriously.

190
00:10:13,920 --> 00:10:17,322
Excuse me, sir?
I'm here to pick up my basketball uniform.

191
00:10:17,560 --> 00:10:19,130
Did you just call me "sir"?

192
00:10:19,480 --> 00:10:22,484
- Yeah.
- I'm a girl.

193
00:10:23,520 --> 00:10:24,567
[GROANS]

194
00:10:26,120 --> 00:10:27,724
That's one fugly girl.

195
00:10:27,880 --> 00:10:29,370
Hey, man, that's his daughter.

196
00:10:29,560 --> 00:10:30,925
Whoa, whoa, whoa.

197
00:10:31,080 --> 00:10:32,570
- Whoa, whoa, whoa!
- Mm.

198
00:10:33,040 --> 00:10:35,042
LAUREN: Hey, honey,
how's the math homework coming?

199
00:10:35,240 --> 00:10:37,163
Are any of the tutor's shortcuts helping?

200
00:10:38,120 --> 00:10:39,406
Did you go on a date?

201
00:10:40,680 --> 00:10:43,331
A date? Who told you I went on a date?

202
00:10:43,480 --> 00:10:46,689
You should really change
your e-mail password, little Miss 072099.

203
00:10:47,640 --> 00:10:50,405
That is the last time
I use your birthday as a password.

204
00:10:50,560 --> 00:10:53,006
I can't believe you read my e-mails.

205
00:10:53,160 --> 00:10:54,844
Brendan, I love you...

206
00:10:55,000 --> 00:10:58,482
...but we have to learn to respect
each other's privacy in this house.

207
00:10:59,120 --> 00:11:00,406
Who's Jim?

208
00:11:00,560 --> 00:11:03,643
Nobody, honey. A buffoon.

209
00:11:03,800 --> 00:11:06,280
Trust me. It was nothing.

210
00:11:06,440 --> 00:11:08,647
- You promise?
- Promise.

211
00:11:08,800 --> 00:11:10,086
[TYLER MIMICKING SIREN]

212
00:11:10,240 --> 00:11:12,402
Hey! No wheels in the house!

213
00:11:12,560 --> 00:11:14,050
- I've told you this!
- Aah!

214
00:11:14,200 --> 00:11:15,611
Tackle him, Mom! Get him!

215
00:11:15,760 --> 00:11:18,081
Did your dad take you for ice cream
on the way home?

216
00:11:18,280 --> 00:11:20,282
- Spank him!
- Rocky Road and mint chocolate chip!

217
00:11:20,440 --> 00:11:23,320
BRENDAN: Take him to the ground!
- I'm on top of the world! Goose, goose!

218
00:11:23,440 --> 00:11:24,771
[SCREAMING]

219
00:11:24,920 --> 00:11:26,843
- Yeah.
- You're dead!

220
00:11:27,000 --> 00:11:29,241
LAUREN:
No more titty twisters, guys!

221
00:11:29,400 --> 00:11:32,006
You only have two titties
for the rest of your lives!

222
00:11:32,160 --> 00:11:34,970
We need to learn to love and respect them.

223
00:11:35,520 --> 00:11:36,567
I always did.

224
00:11:37,360 --> 00:11:38,964
How many times have I told you...

225
00:11:39,120 --> 00:11:42,283
...not to pump him full of sugar
before you drop him off?

226
00:11:42,440 --> 00:11:45,011
Oh, come on. Going out with Dad
for an ice cream cone...

227
00:11:45,160 --> 00:11:46,730
...is a lasting memory for a kid.

228
00:11:46,880 --> 00:11:50,282
LAUREN: Oh, okay. Well, if Dad
spent more time with him...

229
00:11:50,440 --> 00:11:53,125
...then the memories
wouldn't have to be so "lasting."

230
00:11:53,280 --> 00:11:55,089
Boom, zing. Got me again.

231
00:11:55,240 --> 00:11:57,971
It's so great spending time with you, Lauren.

232
00:11:58,640 --> 00:11:59,766
That doesn't go there.

233
00:12:02,240 --> 00:12:03,526
What are we gonna do?

234
00:12:03,680 --> 00:12:07,162
Oh. Oh, man! It's gonna explode in 3, 2...

235
00:12:07,320 --> 00:12:08,321
Oh, thank God.

236
00:12:09,240 --> 00:12:12,881
That was close.
It was almost unorganized for a minute.

237
00:12:13,240 --> 00:12:14,810
- Hi.
- How are you?

238
00:12:15,000 --> 00:12:17,287
Good. Are you going to Tyler's game
on Saturday?

239
00:12:17,440 --> 00:12:20,171
- Yes! Of course!
- Great. I'm putting you down.

240
00:12:20,600 --> 00:12:22,329
It's what you do best.

241
00:12:22,480 --> 00:12:25,370
On the board, Mark. On the board.

242
00:12:25,560 --> 00:12:28,803
Lauren, the boys don't need a board.
They don't need a list.

243
00:12:29,160 --> 00:12:31,640
The know they can count on me. That's it.

244
00:12:31,800 --> 00:12:33,768
TYLER:
Dad, can you help me with my homework?

245
00:12:33,920 --> 00:12:37,720
Oh, I can't, bud! Sorry!
I gotta go to a thing! Ask your mom!

246
00:12:37,880 --> 00:12:39,848
This is not an example of my behavior.

247
00:12:41,520 --> 00:12:42,806
TYLER:
Did you leave?

248
00:12:43,680 --> 00:12:46,081
[FIFTH HARMONY'S "MISS MOVIN' ON"
PLAYING ON RADIO]

249
00:12:46,280 --> 00:12:52,287
No, oh, oh
I'll never be that girl again

250
00:12:52,440 --> 00:12:54,090
No, oh, oh

251
00:12:54,240 --> 00:12:57,210
My innocence is wearin' thin

252
00:12:57,360 --> 00:13:00,284
But my heart is growin' strong

253
00:13:00,440 --> 00:13:05,606
So call me, call me, call me

254
00:13:05,800 --> 00:13:10,800
Miss movin' on
Oh, oh, oh

255
00:13:17,360 --> 00:13:19,408
- Larry, wanna shoot some hoops?
- Dad!

256
00:13:20,520 --> 00:13:21,567
- Oh!
'Aah!

257
00:13:21,720 --> 00:13:23,131
- Stop! Get out!
- Oh!

258
00:13:23,320 --> 00:13:24,845
Why wouldn't you knock?

259
00:13:25,000 --> 00:13:26,968
I'm sorry, honey! I didn't see anything!

260
00:13:27,120 --> 00:13:28,849
HILARY:
Oh, thanks a lot!

261
00:13:29,000 --> 00:13:30,331
No, no, no!

262
00:13:30,480 --> 00:13:32,687
There was plenty of stuff to see!

263
00:13:32,840 --> 00:13:33,887
Uh...

264
00:13:34,080 --> 00:13:37,004
I mean, I didn't see any gelling going on!

265
00:13:37,920 --> 00:13:40,082
- How about a fist bump?
- No!

266
00:13:41,320 --> 00:13:44,210
Larry, we both need this fist bump.

267
00:13:49,800 --> 00:13:51,290
We're cool.

268
00:13:56,920 --> 00:14:00,083
[ESPN SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY]

269
00:14:02,080 --> 00:14:04,128
Hey, how we doing in here?

270
00:14:04,480 --> 00:14:05,606
I'm talking to Mom.

271
00:14:05,960 --> 00:14:08,440
Great. What are you guys talking about?

272
00:14:09,320 --> 00:14:10,924
It's girl stuff.

273
00:14:12,440 --> 00:14:15,728
Okay. Well, just so you know,
I'm pretty good with girl stuff too.

274
00:14:16,800 --> 00:14:18,245
Excuse me for a second.

275
00:14:20,440 --> 00:14:22,169
Thanks, Dad.

276
00:14:22,320 --> 00:14:24,084
But I just wanna talk to Mom.

277
00:14:25,000 --> 00:14:26,161
Sure, sure.

278
00:14:26,400 --> 00:14:27,731
Say hi for me.

279
00:14:31,400 --> 00:14:33,289
I'm all out of stickers.

280
00:14:33,440 --> 00:14:36,728
You're all out of face.
What happened to you? Ugh.

281
00:14:36,880 --> 00:14:38,564
Can I play with Espn now?

282
00:14:38,920 --> 00:14:40,922
Espn is having her quiet time.

283
00:14:41,480 --> 00:14:44,245
[WHISPERING]
Oh. With Invincible Mommy?

284
00:14:44,600 --> 00:14:46,011
"Invisible." Yes.

285
00:14:46,560 --> 00:14:48,847
[IN NORMAL VOICE]
It's not fair only Espn gets to see her.

286
00:14:49,000 --> 00:14:50,286
I know.

287
00:14:50,440 --> 00:14:52,090
I wish I could see her.

288
00:14:52,280 --> 00:14:53,566
Me too.

289
00:14:53,800 --> 00:14:54,801
Come here. Mm.

290
00:14:54,960 --> 00:14:57,486
[LOU GIGGLING & JIM GRUNTING]

291
00:15:00,480 --> 00:15:02,562
Eh, eh?

292
00:15:03,320 --> 00:15:04,321
Mac and cheese?

293
00:15:04,480 --> 00:15:05,970
- Mac and cheese.
- Yeah!

294
00:15:06,120 --> 00:15:07,929
[CROWD CLAPPING]

295
00:15:10,040 --> 00:15:12,247
[CROWD WHOOPING]

296
00:15:14,160 --> 00:15:16,447
LAUREN: I mean, he's looking around here.
Looking for you.

297
00:15:16,640 --> 00:15:19,530
You knew it was today.
I published the calendar.

298
00:15:19,680 --> 00:15:23,162
MARK: Laur, the meeting went longer than
expected. What do you want from me?

299
00:15:23,320 --> 00:15:27,211
You know what?
I just want you to be a dad! I can't take it!

300
00:15:27,400 --> 00:15:30,847
Why don't you hop over to the snack bar,
see if they sell any chill pills.

301
00:15:31,000 --> 00:15:35,289
"Chill pills"?
Why don't you "bust a move" back to 1990.

302
00:15:35,520 --> 00:15:36,521
[LAUREN LAUGHS]

303
00:15:36,960 --> 00:15:38,689
You're at a baseball game?

304
00:15:39,200 --> 00:15:41,362
I'm going on a mystery trip with Dick.

305
00:15:41,520 --> 00:15:42,521
That's so great.

306
00:15:42,680 --> 00:15:45,331
I have no idea where we're going.
He's so much fun.

307
00:15:45,480 --> 00:15:46,891
I'm so excited!

308
00:15:47,520 --> 00:15:51,844
Now batting, number 23, Tyler Reynolds.

309
00:15:52,200 --> 00:15:55,409
Okay! Come on! Go Tyler! Whoo!

310
00:15:55,560 --> 00:15:58,006
- Come on, Tyler!
- They're putting this kid in?

311
00:15:58,160 --> 00:16:00,970
League rule.
Every kid has to play two innings.

312
00:16:01,120 --> 00:16:02,326
Even kids like him.

313
00:16:02,800 --> 00:16:04,802
- You shut your piehole.
- I'll kick your ass!

314
00:16:04,960 --> 00:16:08,521
- Or I'll stuff my entire fist in your mouth!
- Burt Reynolds scrawny reject!

315
00:16:09,000 --> 00:16:11,890
Hey, how old is that pitcher?
He looks like a NASCAR driver.

316
00:16:18,400 --> 00:16:20,209
- Strike!
- Come on!

317
00:16:20,360 --> 00:16:23,091
It's okay, buddy! Shake it off! It's okay!

318
00:16:23,240 --> 00:16:26,005
Oh, no. He's not gonna have
one of his meltdowns, is he?

319
00:16:26,160 --> 00:16:28,970
No. He has two more swings.
It's gonna be okay.

320
00:16:29,120 --> 00:16:32,249
Okay. I better go now, then.
Oh, by the way, I need a week off.

321
00:16:32,400 --> 00:16:34,243
Oh, yeah, sure. When's the vacation?

322
00:16:34,400 --> 00:16:35,765
Two weeks from today.

323
00:16:36,160 --> 00:16:37,764
Wait. No. That's not gonna work.

324
00:16:37,920 --> 00:16:41,049
Because that's spring break
and I've gotta take care of the boys.

325
00:16:41,760 --> 00:16:44,047
- Strike two!
- Why?

326
00:16:44,200 --> 00:16:46,043
It's okay, cutie, you got this!

327
00:16:46,240 --> 00:16:48,163
Check out what happens
when this kid strikes out.

328
00:16:48,680 --> 00:16:51,763
- You have been warned, Ratso!
- One more comment and it is go time!

329
00:16:51,920 --> 00:16:53,922
- I will crush you!
- So checkity check it!

330
00:16:55,400 --> 00:16:57,926
I thought Mark was taking the kids
whitewater rafting.

331
00:16:58,120 --> 00:16:59,724
Oh, shocker. He canceled.

332
00:16:59,880 --> 00:17:01,291
Business trip.

333
00:17:01,440 --> 00:17:04,967
Now I'm racking my brain trying to figure out
how to compete with that.

334
00:17:05,120 --> 00:17:06,690
You won't. There's no time.

335
00:17:06,840 --> 00:17:08,763
And why should we both stay at home?

336
00:17:08,960 --> 00:17:12,089
You are the bestest
business partner ever. Heh.

337
00:17:13,320 --> 00:17:15,368
- Strike three!
- I hate this!

338
00:17:15,520 --> 00:17:17,443
I hate this! I hate this! I suck!

339
00:17:17,600 --> 00:17:18,726
No.

340
00:17:19,640 --> 00:17:21,881
Oh, boy. Here we go again.

341
00:17:22,200 --> 00:17:26,046
[SCREAMING]

342
00:17:26,200 --> 00:17:27,247
Oh, God.

343
00:17:27,600 --> 00:17:29,284
Maybe you should try badminton.

344
00:17:30,440 --> 00:17:33,125
- Maybe you should try mouthwash!
- And deodorant!

345
00:17:33,320 --> 00:17:36,290
- And some testosterone supplement!
- And some Cialis!

346
00:17:36,440 --> 00:17:38,090
I'm just assuming!

347
00:17:38,840 --> 00:17:40,842
And shave your neck!

348
00:17:41,680 --> 00:17:43,205
It's very hairy.

349
00:17:46,840 --> 00:17:47,921
LAUREN:
God.

350
00:17:48,080 --> 00:17:50,003
[PANTING]

351
00:18:02,120 --> 00:18:03,565
[GRUNTS]

352
00:18:11,720 --> 00:18:13,006
[GROANS]

353
00:18:40,800 --> 00:18:42,006
What?

354
00:18:50,600 --> 00:18:52,045
Ugh.

355
00:18:53,880 --> 00:18:54,961
No.

356
00:18:55,480 --> 00:18:57,608
[WHIMPERING]

357
00:19:05,880 --> 00:19:07,291
Damn it.

358
00:19:07,640 --> 00:19:10,883
Rip that little loop off the back of your shirt.
And Step Three...

359
00:19:11,840 --> 00:19:13,649
- Daddy?
- Yes.

360
00:19:13,800 --> 00:19:16,451
What do you miss about Mommy?

361
00:19:17,240 --> 00:19:20,244
What do I miss about Mommy?

362
00:19:21,080 --> 00:19:22,605
Hmm.

363
00:19:23,000 --> 00:19:24,047
Everything.

364
00:19:25,480 --> 00:19:28,051
I miss her laugh.

365
00:19:28,520 --> 00:19:30,045
And her smile.

366
00:19:30,600 --> 00:19:34,082
And I miss her little nose
that she gave to you.

367
00:19:34,240 --> 00:19:36,766
Luckily you didn't get mine.
You'd look very weird.

368
00:19:36,920 --> 00:19:38,888
- Heh.
JIM: Yeah.

369
00:19:39,040 --> 00:19:42,761
I miss every time The Wizard of 02 was on.

370
00:19:43,280 --> 00:19:45,442
- I love that movie.
- I know.

371
00:19:45,600 --> 00:19:47,443
She would sing all the songs to us.

372
00:19:47,600 --> 00:19:50,365
Especially "Somewhere Over the Rainbow."

373
00:19:52,040 --> 00:19:54,407
You know what I miss most about her?

374
00:19:55,000 --> 00:19:56,365
What?

375
00:19:57,040 --> 00:19:59,646
Getting to tell her how much I love her.

376
00:20:02,280 --> 00:20:05,170
Are you allowed to do that with anyone else?

377
00:20:05,800 --> 00:20:07,848
Am I allowed?

378
00:20:08,440 --> 00:20:11,683
Your mother, before she left...

379
00:20:12,880 --> 00:20:17,602
...that's all she would talk about,
was me finding somebody else.

380
00:20:18,880 --> 00:20:22,965
But I would tell her I can't
because she's my one and only.

381
00:20:24,680 --> 00:20:26,444
What did Mommy say?

382
00:20:27,120 --> 00:20:29,009
Your mom would say...

383
00:20:29,200 --> 00:20:33,967
...my heart is so big that it has room for two.

384
00:20:35,160 --> 00:20:38,209
That's another thing
I miss about your mother.

385
00:20:38,680 --> 00:20:41,604
She actually thought I was awesome.

386
00:20:42,800 --> 00:20:44,802
I think you're awesome, Daddy.

387
00:20:48,320 --> 00:20:49,367
Thank you.

388
00:20:49,520 --> 00:20:51,124
Hey, Dad? Um...

389
00:20:51,280 --> 00:20:54,841
I have a personal errand to run,
and I need to borrow the car.

390
00:20:55,000 --> 00:20:56,843
Well, you can't drive without me yet...

391
00:20:57,000 --> 00:20:59,571
...and somebody's got to stay
here with your sisters.

392
00:20:59,720 --> 00:21:02,963
Dad, I have a personal errand.

393
00:21:03,120 --> 00:21:06,522
What does that even mean?
You taking a hit out on somebody?

394
00:21:06,680 --> 00:21:09,331
Dad, she's monsterating.

395
00:21:09,880 --> 00:21:12,804
- What?
- I have my period!

396
00:21:13,000 --> 00:21:16,004
Oh. I forgot you get those.

397
00:21:17,440 --> 00:21:19,169
JIM:
"Tampax Pearls."

398
00:21:20,000 --> 00:21:21,684
Douches. "Fresh Scent."

399
00:21:21,880 --> 00:21:24,963
"Medicated" and "Sweet Romance."

400
00:21:25,120 --> 00:21:29,489
Yeah, let's not be doing
the Sweet Romance douches quite yet.

401
00:21:30,360 --> 00:21:32,362
"Poise Feminine Wash."

402
00:21:32,840 --> 00:21:35,207
"Poise"? That's a little close, guys.

403
00:21:36,000 --> 00:21:37,365
"Always Clean"?

404
00:21:38,200 --> 00:21:40,646
I could actually use those. Uh...

405
00:21:41,840 --> 00:21:44,730
What's a Diva Cup? Is that to make coffee?

406
00:21:45,280 --> 00:21:46,770
I don't under-...

407
00:21:48,680 --> 00:21:50,409
What kind do you guys use?

408
00:21:53,160 --> 00:21:54,730
Huh.

409
00:22:07,920 --> 00:22:09,160
- No!
JIM: Hi.

410
00:22:11,920 --> 00:22:13,445
Don't tell me.

411
00:22:14,320 --> 00:22:15,924
- Lauren.
- Lauren.

412
00:22:16,280 --> 00:22:17,850
Mr. Hooters.

413
00:22:18,040 --> 00:22:19,326
Jim.

414
00:22:19,520 --> 00:22:22,763
What's going on in the sweater?
Just for the articles?

415
00:22:23,040 --> 00:22:27,602
No. These, um, actually are for my son.

416
00:22:28,200 --> 00:22:30,771
Wow. What a progressive mother.

417
00:22:31,040 --> 00:22:36,444
No. I found a centerfold under his bed,
and I tore it up.

418
00:22:36,760 --> 00:22:39,366
From a magazine, not the Internet?

419
00:22:39,520 --> 00:22:41,568
He's old school. I respect that.

420
00:22:41,720 --> 00:22:43,085
Why'd you tear it up?

421
00:22:43,320 --> 00:22:45,800
Because as a woman I was totally offended.

422
00:22:46,280 --> 00:22:49,045
You don't have to be.
It's a normal part of growing up.

423
00:22:51,080 --> 00:22:55,244
Okay, but he taped a picture
of our babysitter's face on it.

424
00:22:55,400 --> 00:22:58,370
Okay, that's sick. He needs help.

425
00:22:58,560 --> 00:23:00,210
Borderline Dahmer situation.

426
00:23:00,360 --> 00:23:03,250
Oh, very funny. Okay,
but if you had kids you'd understand...

427
00:23:03,440 --> 00:23:05,602
- Three daughters.
- ...it's complicated.

428
00:23:06,000 --> 00:23:07,445
You have three daughters?

429
00:23:07,600 --> 00:23:11,571
Yes. Do you have any other children,
or just the masturbator?

430
00:23:12,320 --> 00:23:14,049
He has a younger brother.

431
00:23:14,240 --> 00:23:16,402
Uh-huh.
Maybe you'll do a better job with that kid.

432
00:23:17,200 --> 00:23:21,000
I'm just joking. So what, you're here
to replace it before the kid finds out?

433
00:23:21,560 --> 00:23:25,690
Yes. But I can't tell
what magazine it's from. I just...

434
00:23:25,880 --> 00:23:28,167
Do you have any of the centerfold remnants?

435
00:23:29,160 --> 00:23:30,571
Yes, I do.

436
00:23:34,560 --> 00:23:38,246
I, um... I tried to tape it back up.

437
00:23:38,400 --> 00:23:40,402
Did a great job. You can hardly tell.

438
00:23:44,160 --> 00:23:45,764
Snapper magazine.

439
00:23:45,920 --> 00:23:46,967
How can you tell?

440
00:23:47,120 --> 00:23:50,124
From the staple placement
and the way the paper feels...

441
00:23:50,320 --> 00:23:53,529
...and I already have this copy at home.
How about a fist bump? Huh?

442
00:23:55,000 --> 00:23:56,490
Ah.

443
00:23:57,280 --> 00:23:58,930
- Yep, that's the one.
- Great.

444
00:23:59,440 --> 00:24:03,525
Excuse me. Actually, I thought of something
that might help us both...

445
00:24:03,680 --> 00:24:06,047
...to save us some embarrassment.

446
00:24:06,200 --> 00:24:09,807
How about I bring that up to the cashier,
and you bring this up for me.

447
00:24:10,400 --> 00:24:14,007
- Whoa. Are these for your daughter?
- Yeah. She's 15.

448
00:24:14,160 --> 00:24:16,731
And her "friend" just paid a visit.

449
00:24:17,480 --> 00:24:21,246
Okay. Well, these are
for a much older "friend."

450
00:24:21,400 --> 00:24:25,485
A much heavier "friend"
staying in a much bigger "room"...

451
00:24:25,640 --> 00:24:27,529
...than your daughter has.

452
00:24:28,360 --> 00:24:29,850
You lost me.

453
00:24:30,000 --> 00:24:31,365
You found me. Oh.

454
00:24:31,520 --> 00:24:33,648
- Can I get a bump?
- No.

455
00:24:33,800 --> 00:24:35,370
No.

456
00:24:37,640 --> 00:24:39,483
Okay. So you will do this.

457
00:24:39,640 --> 00:24:40,846
That'll be $13.

458
00:24:41,040 --> 00:24:42,565
Hi, I'm Tom.

459
00:24:43,560 --> 00:24:46,040
- Here's your change.
- Hi, I'm Tom.

460
00:24:46,360 --> 00:24:48,488
Yeah, you told me. Next.

461
00:24:51,040 --> 00:24:52,485
Oh.

462
00:24:52,640 --> 00:24:55,041
I remember the Slender Fit days.

463
00:24:55,200 --> 00:24:56,884
You must be doing your Kegels.

464
00:24:57,360 --> 00:25:00,603
Nowadays,
I need six of these taped together.

465
00:25:01,160 --> 00:25:02,685
Okay. Moving on.

466
00:25:03,000 --> 00:25:04,729
And we got...

467
00:25:05,480 --> 00:25:07,881
...that and card.

468
00:25:09,000 --> 00:25:11,048
Rockin' Saturday night, huh, Lefty?

469
00:25:11,200 --> 00:25:13,965
Oh, that's not mine. That's for her kid.

470
00:25:14,800 --> 00:25:16,529
Ooh, pretty progressive mom.

471
00:25:17,360 --> 00:25:20,364
- Yeah. That's what I said to her too.
- Why would you do that?

472
00:25:20,520 --> 00:25:23,649
- I'm sorry. I'll get you out of it.
- What is wrong with you?

473
00:25:23,800 --> 00:25:27,282
She just takes her homeschooling
real serious, so that's why...

474
00:25:28,600 --> 00:25:29,886
We get those back?

475
00:25:30,200 --> 00:25:33,966
She's gotta get home
to the kid and get him going.

476
00:25:34,920 --> 00:25:37,207
- Take care.
- Yeah.

477
00:25:37,880 --> 00:25:39,370
Hi, I'm Tom.

478
00:25:40,040 --> 00:25:42,964
LAUREN:
Ugh, thanks a lot for selling me out back there.

479
00:25:43,120 --> 00:25:44,849
Oh, she didn't even hear about...

480
00:25:45,000 --> 00:25:47,480
- I panicked. I'm sorry. Here.
- Oh, I noticed.

481
00:25:47,640 --> 00:25:48,641
Thank you.

482
00:25:48,800 --> 00:25:51,929
I can't believe you have three girls.

483
00:25:52,320 --> 00:25:56,120
- What does that even mean?
- I just can't imagine you with three girls.

484
00:25:56,320 --> 00:25:57,321
Don't, then.

485
00:25:58,760 --> 00:26:01,127
I'm sorry. What are their names?

486
00:26:01,640 --> 00:26:04,371
Hilary, Lou and Espn.

487
00:26:05,040 --> 00:26:07,327
- "Espin." That's unique.
- Mm-hm.

488
00:26:07,480 --> 00:26:08,641
Is it Biblical?

489
00:26:09,400 --> 00:26:12,563
No. Named after my favorite network.

490
00:26:15,000 --> 00:26:17,446
[HUMMING ESPN THEME]

491
00:26:20,040 --> 00:26:21,326
ESPN.

492
00:26:21,480 --> 00:26:23,084
- No.
- Yep.

493
00:26:23,240 --> 00:26:24,844
- What?
- Heh.

494
00:26:25,000 --> 00:26:26,081
Pretty cool.

495
00:26:26,240 --> 00:26:27,890
Oh, my God.

496
00:26:28,040 --> 00:26:30,691
Your wife must have been a saint.

497
00:26:31,680 --> 00:26:32,841
She was.

498
00:26:33,000 --> 00:26:36,368
Your husband must have been
very patient dealing with...

499
00:26:37,280 --> 00:26:38,691
Ah.

500
00:26:38,840 --> 00:26:42,925
Another charming sentiment
from Captain Cheese Sticks.

501
00:26:43,120 --> 00:26:46,283
You know what? Hooters is too good for you.
I'd never bring you there again.

502
00:26:46,440 --> 00:26:50,331
Well, then I guess I'll just have to learn
to get through life without Hooters.

503
00:26:50,480 --> 00:26:53,051
You've been doing
a pretty damn good job so far!

504
00:26:54,680 --> 00:26:58,401
- That doesn't make any sense.
- I didn't realize they were that big.

505
00:27:00,800 --> 00:27:02,370
[CAR ALARMS CHIRP]

506
00:27:04,760 --> 00:27:06,683
Oh, whatever.

507
00:27:07,880 --> 00:27:12,329
[TIRES SCREECHING]

508
00:27:16,880 --> 00:27:19,884
Guys, unfortunately your dad
had a business trip that came up...

509
00:27:20,040 --> 00:27:23,931
...so your whitewater rafting trip
is gonna get postponed till this summer.

510
00:27:24,120 --> 00:27:26,646
- What?
- We're stuck here doing nothing all week?

511
00:27:26,800 --> 00:27:29,565
I have plans. I have great plans actually.

512
00:27:29,720 --> 00:27:32,610
Like what? Bowling and going to the mall?

513
00:27:33,000 --> 00:27:34,047
How did you know?

514
00:27:34,200 --> 00:27:35,361
[DOORBELL RINGS]

515
00:27:35,520 --> 00:27:38,091
- Bet that's Dad!
- Maybe he'll take us on his business trip!

516
00:27:40,400 --> 00:27:44,291
- Oh, hey. Is your mom home?
- What do you mean "ls your mom home"?

517
00:27:44,440 --> 00:27:46,761
- Who are you?
- I'm Jim.

518
00:27:47,040 --> 00:27:50,886
akumenang.com

519
00:27:51,240 --> 00:27:54,005
What is this, Dateline NBC?
Yes, you got it right.

520
00:27:54,160 --> 00:27:56,447
- What do you want?
- I need to talk to your mother.

521
00:27:56,600 --> 00:27:59,285
- Not a big deal.
- She said she's not interested in you.

522
00:27:59,440 --> 00:28:03,445
Believe me, Frodo, I don't like her either.
I have to sort something out with her.

523
00:28:03,600 --> 00:28:06,763
- Brendan, honey, who's at the...?
- Hey.

524
00:28:07,720 --> 00:28:10,690
- Jim.
- You lied! Liar! You like him!

525
00:28:10,840 --> 00:28:13,446
What? I didn't lie, honey. He's a buffoon.

526
00:28:13,600 --> 00:28:15,401
- Just like I said.
BRENDAN: Don't talk to me!

527
00:28:15,520 --> 00:28:16,601
Ever'.

528
00:28:16,760 --> 00:28:19,445
No, sweetie, come on.

529
00:28:20,760 --> 00:28:23,047
- What?
- Great.

530
00:28:23,200 --> 00:28:25,089
Which one was the masturbator?
The big one?

531
00:28:25,240 --> 00:28:27,641
Why are you here? What do you want?

532
00:28:27,800 --> 00:28:30,280
The old bag at the pharmacy
mixed up our cards.

533
00:28:30,440 --> 00:28:33,091
That's impossible
because I keep my cards very organized.

534
00:28:33,240 --> 00:28:34,810
I keep them in color-coded sleeves...

535
00:28:34,960 --> 00:28:38,407
All right, I'll give this back to whoever
it belongs to. Lauren Reynolds.

536
00:28:38,560 --> 00:28:41,484
- You know her? Have you met her?
- Oh.

537
00:28:41,760 --> 00:28:45,970
God, I don't know what's wrong with me lately.
I feel like I'm losing my mind.

538
00:28:46,400 --> 00:28:47,686
Just come in.

539
00:28:47,840 --> 00:28:50,286
So wait. How do you know where I live?

540
00:28:50,440 --> 00:28:53,887
I Googled you and "Closet Queens"
came up.

541
00:28:54,080 --> 00:28:57,004
- You're a lesbian?
- No.

542
00:28:58,640 --> 00:29:03,168
We organize "closets" and we're the best,
so we're "queens."

543
00:29:03,320 --> 00:29:04,481
"Closet Queens."

544
00:29:04,960 --> 00:29:07,247
Maybe the picture was confusing me.

545
00:29:07,840 --> 00:29:08,841
What picture?

546
00:29:12,240 --> 00:29:14,322
LAUREN:
Ugh, those little weasels.

547
00:29:14,520 --> 00:29:17,046
Your girlfriend, like,
does she know we went on a date?

548
00:29:17,200 --> 00:29:19,168
Is she gonna kill me? She looks nuts.

549
00:29:19,360 --> 00:29:20,885
- Lauren!
- Well, here she is.

550
00:29:21,040 --> 00:29:25,682
- I have to talk to you!
- I never touched her. She repulses me.

551
00:29:25,840 --> 00:29:27,365
- What?
- What?

552
00:29:27,520 --> 00:29:28,681
Jen, what's wrong?

553
00:29:28,840 --> 00:29:31,684
- It's over between me and Dick.
- Over?

554
00:29:31,840 --> 00:29:33,649
I thought you don't like dick.

555
00:29:34,360 --> 00:29:36,761
But you guys just started using the L word.

556
00:29:36,960 --> 00:29:40,123
The L Word. I saw that show.
You guys love that one I'm guessing.

557
00:29:40,280 --> 00:29:42,726
I'm sorry. Who are you?
Are you here to fix something?

558
00:29:42,920 --> 00:29:46,083
- You should probably go and do that.
- I'm Jim. I'm not a threat.

559
00:29:46,720 --> 00:29:49,724
- Jim?
- The blind-date guy.

560
00:29:49,880 --> 00:29:52,645
- You said that was a disaster.
- Oh, it was.

561
00:29:52,840 --> 00:29:54,524
You said he was a chubby loser.

562
00:29:54,680 --> 00:29:55,727
He is.

563
00:29:55,880 --> 00:30:00,204
You didn't mention he has that high
phlegmy voice like he drinks a lot of dairy.

564
00:30:00,400 --> 00:30:02,084
- I know.
- Standing right here, ladies.

565
00:30:02,240 --> 00:30:03,401
Hearing everything.

566
00:30:03,560 --> 00:30:06,643
All right, our cards got switched
so we're just dealing with that.

567
00:30:06,800 --> 00:30:08,290
What happened with Dick?

568
00:30:08,480 --> 00:30:10,642
He just dropped a major bomb on me.

569
00:30:10,800 --> 00:30:12,086
He's married.

570
00:30:12,240 --> 00:30:14,811
No, worse. He's got kids.

571
00:30:15,240 --> 00:30:18,244
[BOTH CHUCKLE]

572
00:30:18,480 --> 00:30:20,960
Oh, you're still here. Why?

573
00:30:21,320 --> 00:30:24,085
You still have my card. "Why?"

574
00:30:24,240 --> 00:30:28,882
Wait. You're just gonna break up with him
because he has children?

575
00:30:29,040 --> 00:30:32,089
Five children. Five.

576
00:30:32,240 --> 00:30:33,685
What am I, Julie Andrews?

577
00:30:33,840 --> 00:30:37,003
I'm gonna sew matching outfits
and sing to escape the Nazis?

578
00:30:37,560 --> 00:30:40,040
He asked me if I wanted to be
"part of the team."

579
00:30:40,200 --> 00:30:43,249
- No, I don't!
- Maybe you should just go on the trip...

580
00:30:43,440 --> 00:30:46,171
...and, you know,
spend some alone time with Dick.

581
00:30:46,400 --> 00:30:48,289
See, he wanted the kids to come with us.

582
00:30:48,440 --> 00:30:51,762
He wanted me to get to know them
in a "fun and neutral environment."

583
00:30:51,920 --> 00:30:55,083
Eh, five kids? Is his last name Theodopolis?

584
00:30:55,520 --> 00:30:58,126
- Yes.
- That's incredible. That's my boss.

585
00:30:58,560 --> 00:31:02,690
He owns all the Dick's Sporting Goods.
I manage the one in Ridgefield.

586
00:31:02,880 --> 00:31:04,882
Of course you do.

587
00:31:05,400 --> 00:31:09,200
Dick takes a lot of special needs people,
makes them "managers" of something...

588
00:31:09,360 --> 00:31:11,931
...so they can have a business card
and feel important.

589
00:31:12,520 --> 00:31:13,760
Good for you!

590
00:31:13,920 --> 00:31:16,127
That explains it. That explains a lot.

591
00:31:16,280 --> 00:31:18,886
You know, actually I applied to work
at Closet Queens...

592
00:31:19,040 --> 00:31:22,123
...but they said there's already
a gorilla filling that position.

593
00:31:22,280 --> 00:31:23,327
[JIM CHUCKLES]

594
00:31:23,520 --> 00:31:25,090
It's a thyroid thing.

595
00:31:25,240 --> 00:31:27,811
- Heh.
- Where was he gonna take you?

596
00:31:27,960 --> 00:31:29,121
Africa.

597
00:31:29,400 --> 00:31:31,482
It was gonna be incredible. Look at that.

598
00:31:31,640 --> 00:31:34,120
- Sun, sand, safaris.
- Wow.

599
00:31:34,320 --> 00:31:37,290
LAUREN: Oh, my God.
JIM: He must really like you a lot.

600
00:31:37,720 --> 00:31:40,121
Sorry, I'm not getting it at all.

601
00:31:40,320 --> 00:31:42,607
Okay. And this concludes our business.

602
00:31:43,240 --> 00:31:45,561
Thank you. Africa.

603
00:31:45,720 --> 00:31:49,167
So he's just gonna go here
all by himself with his kids now?

604
00:31:49,320 --> 00:31:53,086
No. He's heartbroken now.
Nobody gets to go.

605
00:31:53,240 --> 00:31:54,571
Oh, damn it!

606
00:31:55,280 --> 00:31:59,046
Why does he have to have joint custody?
I thought the mother always got the kids.

607
00:31:59,200 --> 00:32:02,522
I mean, this is a week away.
I hope he gets his money back.

608
00:32:02,680 --> 00:32:05,251
- A week out? Not a chance.
- Aah!

609
00:32:05,440 --> 00:32:07,727
Well, maybe they do things
differently in Africa.

610
00:32:07,880 --> 00:32:11,089
I forgot you were an expert
at closets and African refund policies.

611
00:32:11,280 --> 00:32:14,568
Okay. Kick him out.
Don't let him talk to you like that.

612
00:32:14,880 --> 00:32:16,769
LAUREN: Get out.
- I'm leaving.

613
00:32:17,400 --> 00:32:22,770
Jen. My boys would give anything
to go on a vacation like this.

614
00:32:22,960 --> 00:32:25,327
Mr. Theodopolis. Hi. It's Jim Friedman.

615
00:32:25,480 --> 00:32:30,805
I don't mean to be a vulture picking on
the carcass of your dead relationship.

616
00:32:30,960 --> 00:32:32,121
But I wonder...

617
00:32:32,280 --> 00:32:34,044
...if you'd sell me the vacation...

618
00:32:34,200 --> 00:32:36,680
...you were gonna go on
with Freddy Krueger's sister?

619
00:32:36,840 --> 00:32:40,447
I have been saving and saving.
I could never give him full value for it...

620
00:32:40,640 --> 00:32:42,642
...but something's better than nothing,
right, sir?

621
00:32:42,800 --> 00:32:44,325
It would just be the three of us.

622
00:32:44,520 --> 00:32:47,046
It would just be the four of us
so we only need one room.

623
00:32:47,200 --> 00:32:50,682
Oh, my God. Wait until I tell the boys.

624
00:32:50,840 --> 00:32:52,888
Wait till I tell the girls!

625
00:32:53,040 --> 00:32:55,088
BOTH:
We're going to Africa!

626
00:32:55,280 --> 00:32:56,281
[BOTH SCREAMING]

627
00:33:09,040 --> 00:33:11,441
MEN [SINGING]:
Welcome to Africa

628
00:33:11,600 --> 00:33:13,489
Welcome, welcome

629
00:33:14,040 --> 00:33:15,565
TYLER:
I can't believe we're here.

630
00:33:15,760 --> 00:33:17,330
This is pretty cool, Mom.

631
00:33:17,480 --> 00:33:18,686
LAUREN:
Yeah.

632
00:33:18,840 --> 00:33:22,367
[SINGING]
Welcome, welcome, welcome, welcome

633
00:33:22,560 --> 00:33:27,202
So I did good? This is better than,
like, bowling and the mall?

634
00:33:27,400 --> 00:33:28,970
TYLER & BRENDAN:
Oh, yeah.

635
00:33:31,080 --> 00:33:32,081
[SIGHS]

636
00:33:32,280 --> 00:33:38,765
- Welcome, welcome
- Africa!

637
00:33:38,920 --> 00:33:42,527
Thank you so much. Thank you.
This is terrific. This is great.

638
00:33:42,680 --> 00:33:43,841
What the 'Eu... '?

639
00:33:44,040 --> 00:33:46,725
- Brendan!
- What the fudge is he doing here?

640
00:33:46,880 --> 00:33:48,041
[LAUGHING]

641
00:33:48,200 --> 00:33:50,441
BRENDAN:
We're going on family vacations together now?

642
00:33:50,600 --> 00:33:54,286
I have no idea
why they followed us to Africa.

643
00:33:57,760 --> 00:33:58,807
JIM:
Whoa, whoa, whoa.

644
00:34:00,040 --> 00:34:03,089
Is this a sick dream?
What is happening right now?

645
00:34:03,240 --> 00:34:05,481
You're stalking my mom! You're a predator!

646
00:34:05,640 --> 00:34:08,610
Hey! Don't talk to my dad like that, butthole!

647
00:34:08,760 --> 00:34:11,127
- Language!
- How about you don't correct my daughter?

648
00:34:11,280 --> 00:34:13,248
She can say "butthole" if she wants to.

649
00:34:13,440 --> 00:34:14,930
- Butthole! Butthole!
- Not you.

650
00:34:15,080 --> 00:34:18,641
I hear thunder on the mountain. Ha-ha-ha.

651
00:34:19,720 --> 00:34:23,327
Welcome to South Africa.
Mfana at your service.

652
00:34:23,720 --> 00:34:24,767
Mfana.

653
00:34:24,920 --> 00:34:28,163
Uh, Jim. I mean, Dick.

654
00:34:28,320 --> 00:34:29,765
Dick Theodopolis.

655
00:34:29,960 --> 00:34:31,450
MFANA:
Welcome, Dick Theodopolis!

656
00:34:31,600 --> 00:34:36,242
And you are traveling
with one little girl and two, uh...

657
00:34:39,240 --> 00:34:42,210
- Big girls.
- Ha-ha-ha. Of course.

658
00:34:42,480 --> 00:34:43,641
And you must be...

659
00:34:43,880 --> 00:34:44,927
...Miss Palmer.

660
00:34:45,080 --> 00:34:47,321
Yes. Jen Palmer.

661
00:34:47,520 --> 00:34:48,965
Oh, I see what you did.

662
00:34:49,120 --> 00:34:50,804
I see what you did too.

663
00:34:50,960 --> 00:34:55,045
Are you ready for the most exciting,
amazing, and romantic week...

664
00:34:55,200 --> 00:34:57,089
...of your entire lives?

665
00:34:57,280 --> 00:35:00,329
[SINGING]
Exciting, amazing, romantic!

666
00:35:01,880 --> 00:35:05,168
Yeah, we're here for the zero
romance package.

667
00:35:05,480 --> 00:35:08,006
You still haven't told the children,
my friends?

668
00:35:08,160 --> 00:35:09,446
Told the children what?

669
00:35:09,600 --> 00:35:11,728
- Do I have a new mommy?
- Mfana.

670
00:35:11,920 --> 00:35:15,367
Will you do us a favor?
Leave us alone for just two secs.

671
00:35:15,520 --> 00:35:16,646
[SPEAKS IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE]

672
00:35:16,840 --> 00:35:19,047
- [IN ENGLISH] Which means "of course."
- Thank you.

673
00:35:19,200 --> 00:35:22,921
All right. Listen. Would you just
reassure my son that we're not dating.

674
00:35:23,080 --> 00:35:25,447
We are not dating! I promise you.

675
00:35:25,640 --> 00:35:28,689
This is not a face I want to wake up
to every morning.

676
00:35:29,320 --> 00:35:30,367
Wow.

677
00:35:30,560 --> 00:35:33,643
You'd be lucky to wake up
to that every day. My mom is frigging hot.

678
00:35:33,800 --> 00:35:35,484
Did you just say your mom was hot?

679
00:35:35,640 --> 00:35:37,085
No! Not hot...!

680
00:35:37,280 --> 00:35:39,169
That's just wrong.

681
00:35:39,440 --> 00:35:41,727
- Tyler! Tyler!
- Whoo!

682
00:35:41,920 --> 00:35:43,684
- Get down from there!
- Wee!

683
00:35:43,840 --> 00:35:47,242
Oh, God! Please, please,
please, please get down!

684
00:35:47,400 --> 00:35:49,687
- Whoo!
- Aah!

685
00:35:50,280 --> 00:35:52,282
BRENDAN:
This place is ginormous!

686
00:35:52,440 --> 00:35:53,601
TYLER:
Oh, my God!

687
00:35:53,760 --> 00:35:56,286
MFANA:
Follow me. Right this way.

688
00:35:57,080 --> 00:35:59,765
Welcome to your familymoon.

689
00:35:59,920 --> 00:36:01,001
TYLER & LOU:
Whoa.

690
00:36:01,560 --> 00:36:03,608
BRENDAN:
This is so cool.

691
00:36:04,440 --> 00:36:07,046
JIM:
Now we're talking! This is Africa, baby!

692
00:36:07,200 --> 00:36:08,281
We'll take this room.

693
00:36:08,440 --> 00:36:10,442
No! We want this room.

694
00:36:10,640 --> 00:36:14,929
Silly Theocropolises! This is for the children.

695
00:36:15,920 --> 00:36:20,084
This room is for the mama and the papa.

696
00:36:20,480 --> 00:36:22,050
[MFANA CHUCKLING]

697
00:36:22,240 --> 00:36:23,730
BRENDAN:
Look at that bed.

698
00:36:23,880 --> 00:36:25,405
HILARY: Huge.
TYLER: Awesome.

699
00:36:26,040 --> 00:36:28,088
HILARY: This is so cool.
TYLER: Look at this candy.

700
00:36:28,240 --> 00:36:30,811
Here is where you make more
Theopotamuses.

701
00:36:31,000 --> 00:36:32,047
[LAUGHING]

702
00:36:33,240 --> 00:36:34,651
My bad.

703
00:36:35,440 --> 00:36:38,284
What part of "not dating"
does this bed fit into?

704
00:36:38,440 --> 00:36:40,886
- Oh, boy.
- Okay. You know what?

705
00:36:41,040 --> 00:36:42,610
Everybody fall into line.

706
00:36:42,800 --> 00:36:45,121
Brendan, Tyler honey,
I need you on the couch.

707
00:36:45,280 --> 00:36:47,044
Hilary, C-SPAN, Lou...

708
00:36:47,200 --> 00:36:48,611
Espn, Espn.

709
00:36:48,760 --> 00:36:51,366
Excuse me. Espn. I'm sorry, honey.

710
00:36:51,560 --> 00:36:52,971
Oh, my God.

711
00:36:53,120 --> 00:36:59,401
Dick was gonna propose to Jen.
A family honeymoon, a "familymoon."

712
00:36:59,560 --> 00:37:02,291
And your dumb friend ruined it.
Here's what's gonna happen.

713
00:37:02,440 --> 00:37:04,204
The first room we saw,
we're gonna take that.

714
00:37:04,360 --> 00:37:07,807
And you and your deranged boys can
have Wilt Chamberlain's headquarters.

715
00:37:07,960 --> 00:37:09,724
Dude, what are you eating?

716
00:37:10,680 --> 00:37:11,806
Mm. "Cherry Pan-ties."

717
00:37:12,720 --> 00:37:16,008
What are "Cherry Pan-ties"?
Let me see that.

718
00:37:16,480 --> 00:37:20,041
- Oh, no! God! Spit it out! Spit it out!
- Why?

719
00:37:20,200 --> 00:37:22,931
Just no Cherry Pan-ties ever!
Out, out, out!

720
00:37:23,080 --> 00:37:26,209
Hey, Mom.
I guess this used to be a firehouse.

721
00:37:28,480 --> 00:37:31,086
[SCREAMING]

722
00:37:38,120 --> 00:37:40,851
Look at this place. Wow.

723
00:37:41,000 --> 00:37:43,321
Hello, Mr. Snuffleupagus.

724
00:37:43,480 --> 00:37:45,244
Heh. Theodopolis.

725
00:37:45,640 --> 00:37:47,005
Hello...

726
00:37:49,360 --> 00:37:50,691
Girls.

727
00:37:50,840 --> 00:37:53,241
- Girls. They're girls.
- That's twice.

728
00:37:53,400 --> 00:37:55,368
Let's go, guys... Girls.

729
00:37:56,320 --> 00:37:58,641
23. We're looking for 23.

730
00:37:58,800 --> 00:38:00,529
There it is.

731
00:38:01,200 --> 00:38:02,884
[JIM CHUCKLES]

732
00:38:05,200 --> 00:38:06,884
- Ahem.
- Oh.

733
00:38:07,040 --> 00:38:08,087
'Hi!

734
00:38:08,240 --> 00:38:10,561
How you doing?
I think we're sharing a table with you.

735
00:38:10,760 --> 00:38:15,004
Yeah. Hi! I'm Eddy Wernick and this
is Ginger Wernick and our son, Jake.

736
00:38:15,560 --> 00:38:16,800
We're from Vancouver.

737
00:38:16,960 --> 00:38:18,530
Okay. I'm your son. All right?

738
00:38:18,680 --> 00:38:22,571
Ginger would've had to give birth to me
when she was 6. She's not my mom.

739
00:38:22,720 --> 00:38:24,484
Okay. Get it out there for everyone.

740
00:38:24,640 --> 00:38:27,689
Sharing it, loving it. No holding back.
That's good.

741
00:38:27,840 --> 00:38:31,561
- All right. Let's do our thing. Come on.
- Isn't this place fantastic?

742
00:38:31,720 --> 00:38:33,688
- So romantic.
- Oh.

743
00:38:33,840 --> 00:38:35,763
JIM:
Good. Gonna have a nice trip here.

744
00:38:36,320 --> 00:38:37,845
- Um, Dad?
- Hey, sweetie.

745
00:38:38,040 --> 00:38:39,246
Where should I sit?

746
00:38:39,400 --> 00:38:40,811
You can sit anywhere you want.

747
00:38:41,000 --> 00:38:43,321
What about Mom?
Where does she sit?

748
00:38:43,960 --> 00:38:45,644
Uh, where do you want her to sit?

749
00:38:46,240 --> 00:38:47,287
Next to me?

750
00:38:47,440 --> 00:38:49,602
Then that's where she'll sit.
Go ahead.

751
00:38:49,800 --> 00:38:52,371
Get right next to Lou.
Your mom's right there.

752
00:38:52,520 --> 00:38:53,851
Okay?

753
00:38:54,000 --> 00:38:55,650
All good.

754
00:38:56,560 --> 00:38:58,961
Ignoring it. Ignoring the weirdness.

755
00:38:59,480 --> 00:39:00,606
HILARY:
Ah.

756
00:39:00,880 --> 00:39:03,087
Where's the funeral at, boys?

757
00:39:03,240 --> 00:39:05,049
Where's the golf tournament at, girls?

758
00:39:05,200 --> 00:39:07,441
Oh, no. No, no, no, no.

759
00:39:07,600 --> 00:39:09,090
Mfana. Mfana!

760
00:39:09,280 --> 00:39:11,442
Yes! Missus, uh...?

761
00:39:11,600 --> 00:39:14,843
Reynolds. Palmer!
Just not his wife, okay?

762
00:39:15,000 --> 00:39:16,843
I don't wanna sit here.
Not gonna happen.

763
00:39:17,040 --> 00:39:19,611
Ha, ha. I'm afraid it must happen, ma'am.

764
00:39:19,760 --> 00:39:23,128
All tables are filled
and this is your family.

765
00:39:23,280 --> 00:39:24,566
Please sit with us.

766
00:39:24,840 --> 00:39:26,524
You give it a try.

767
00:39:28,000 --> 00:39:29,968
Every family fights.

768
00:39:30,120 --> 00:39:31,770
- You make it better.
- Mm-hm.

769
00:39:31,920 --> 00:39:32,967
- Yes?
- Yes.

770
00:39:33,120 --> 00:39:34,645
Try the chakalaka.

771
00:39:35,240 --> 00:39:37,607
- Hi, new people.
- Hello.

772
00:39:37,760 --> 00:39:42,641
This is Lauren, by the way, and her children,
the karate kids: Wax On and Wax Off.

773
00:39:42,920 --> 00:39:44,490
[GINGER & EDDY CHUCKLING]

774
00:39:44,680 --> 00:39:46,887
Isn't this place fantastic?

775
00:39:47,040 --> 00:39:49,566
Oh, it's so romantic.

776
00:39:50,360 --> 00:39:51,771
Sorry, what'd you say?

777
00:39:52,240 --> 00:39:54,163
So romantic!

778
00:39:54,440 --> 00:39:55,487
Easy-

779
00:39:55,680 --> 00:39:57,250
Keeping it classy, huh, Ginger?

780
00:39:57,400 --> 00:39:59,528
Oh, Jakey,
you have something on your face.

781
00:40:01,760 --> 00:40:03,364
Oh, it's a mole.

782
00:40:05,400 --> 00:40:07,129
Hey! You can't sit there.

783
00:40:07,280 --> 00:40:09,248
- Why not?
- My mom's sitting there.

784
00:40:09,840 --> 00:40:13,322
- Is she in the bathroom or something?
- No. She's sitting there right now.

785
00:40:15,000 --> 00:40:16,411
Are you on meds?

786
00:40:16,600 --> 00:40:17,647
Ow!

787
00:40:17,800 --> 00:40:20,883
It's okay, Espn.
We'll get Brendan another chair.

788
00:40:21,800 --> 00:40:22,847
[MOUTHS]
Thank you.

789
00:40:23,000 --> 00:40:25,685
Whatever. I'm just gonna go
to the buffet.

790
00:40:25,840 --> 00:40:28,320
Tyler, come with me.
They eat fried caterpillars here.

791
00:40:28,480 --> 00:40:29,845
Hell, yeah!

792
00:40:30,200 --> 00:40:32,601
Very nice.
Girls, why don't you hit the buffet also?

793
00:40:32,760 --> 00:40:36,367
Larry, make sure you have plenty of beef,
okay? Gotta bulk up for the season.

794
00:40:36,520 --> 00:40:37,885
Love you. Go on.

795
00:40:40,120 --> 00:40:42,726
"Bulk up for the season"?
What is she, a bear?

796
00:40:43,120 --> 00:40:44,201
[GINGER & EDDY LAUGHING]

797
00:40:44,360 --> 00:40:48,445
She's trying out for girls' varsity this year.
A lot of big ladies out there.

798
00:40:48,600 --> 00:40:51,888
- She's gonna eat her way into the starting five.
- My God.

799
00:40:52,040 --> 00:40:54,122
[SINGING]

800
00:40:54,280 --> 00:40:57,204
Hello, everybody!

801
00:40:57,720 --> 00:41:00,200
My name is Nickens.

802
00:41:00,360 --> 00:41:03,648
And we are Thathoo!

803
00:41:03,800 --> 00:41:04,847
[CHEERING]

804
00:41:05,000 --> 00:41:09,005
We play traditional South African
isicathamiya music...

805
00:41:09,160 --> 00:41:13,768
...with a little bit of American soul.

806
00:41:14,080 --> 00:41:15,241
[SPEAKS IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE]

807
00:41:15,400 --> 00:41:18,882
- Ha-ha-ha!
- [IN ENGLISH] It is getting a little hot in here.

808
00:41:19,040 --> 00:41:20,201
[WOMEN WHOOPING]

809
00:41:20,360 --> 00:41:24,251
Finally, my huge African arms are free.

810
00:41:24,400 --> 00:41:26,004
Yeah, baby!

811
00:41:26,720 --> 00:41:27,960
Yes, they are.

812
00:41:28,360 --> 00:41:29,441
No.

813
00:41:29,600 --> 00:41:32,524
I would like to welcome you to our...

814
00:41:32,680 --> 00:41:36,480
...Fourth Annual Blended
Familymoon Week!

815
00:41:36,920 --> 00:41:38,001
[CHEERING]

816
00:41:40,400 --> 00:41:43,802
- What's a blended family?
- I don't know. It sounds painful, though.

817
00:41:43,960 --> 00:41:47,009
I am looking out at all you beautiful...

818
00:41:47,160 --> 00:41:50,448
...stepchildren, stepdads, stepmoms...

819
00:41:50,600 --> 00:41:55,162
...half-brothers, same-sex domestic
partners, and good old-fashioned...

820
00:41:55,360 --> 00:41:57,647
...booty calls gone wrong. Ha-ha-ha.

821
00:41:57,840 --> 00:41:59,410
[LAUGHING]

822
00:41:59,560 --> 00:42:03,724
Now, even though
the emphasis is on family...

823
00:42:03,880 --> 00:42:07,441
...we here at the beautiful Sun City Resort
want to make sure...

824
00:42:07,600 --> 00:42:11,491
...you get some alone time.

825
00:42:11,680 --> 00:42:13,887
Oh...

826
00:42:14,880 --> 00:42:19,408
Because alone time can sometime
take a long time...

827
00:42:19,560 --> 00:42:23,451
...we have many supervised activities
for the young ones to do.

828
00:42:23,800 --> 00:42:27,361
We have a fabulous jungle play zone.

829
00:42:27,560 --> 00:42:31,645
[BOY SCREAMING
THEN ALL KIDS SCREAM]

830
00:42:32,600 --> 00:42:35,285
NICKENS:
A nightly pool party.

831
00:42:36,120 --> 00:42:39,920
Hey, Espn. Why aren't you getting in?
Is your mom afraid of the water?

832
00:42:42,680 --> 00:42:43,806
Good one, Mom.

833
00:42:44,280 --> 00:42:46,851
NICKENS:
Magical animal time.

834
00:42:47,040 --> 00:42:51,648
Little one, wouldn't you like
to try petting a living animal?

835
00:42:52,360 --> 00:42:54,203
He's dead?

836
00:42:54,480 --> 00:42:55,811
[CRYING]

837
00:42:55,960 --> 00:43:00,409
NICKENS:
And our famous Tekula teen disco!

838
00:43:00,600 --> 00:43:03,001
[DANCE MUSIC PLAYING
ON SPEAKER]

839
00:43:04,200 --> 00:43:07,807
Hey, dude.
There's a lot of hot chicks out here.

840
00:43:20,760 --> 00:43:21,807
[COUPLE LAUGHING]

841
00:43:22,960 --> 00:43:24,485
The best time.

842
00:43:24,640 --> 00:43:26,688
[WATER SPLASHING]

843
00:43:27,200 --> 00:43:28,929
What the heck is...?

844
00:43:29,640 --> 00:43:31,005
What is that?

845
00:43:32,480 --> 00:43:33,891
Are you kidding me?

846
00:43:34,640 --> 00:43:36,688
Oh, my God! Are you kidding me?

847
00:43:36,880 --> 00:43:38,769
Oh, my God! Oh, God!

848
00:43:38,920 --> 00:43:40,968
Oh, God! Crocodile!

849
00:43:41,120 --> 00:43:42,451
Crocodile attack!

850
00:43:42,640 --> 00:43:45,120
Help me! Somebody help me!

851
00:43:45,280 --> 00:43:47,726
Please don't kill me!
God! Oh, my God!

852
00:43:50,080 --> 00:43:53,687
Mr. Bellyflopolis,
the crocodiles are fake!

853
00:43:58,080 --> 00:43:59,605
They're fake?

854
00:44:00,080 --> 00:44:01,809
Yes, they're fake!

855
00:44:02,800 --> 00:44:06,407
Why would you make them
look so realistic?

856
00:44:06,560 --> 00:44:09,689
Well, to scare the baboons away.

857
00:44:09,840 --> 00:44:14,562
You just scared a zebra stripe
into my underwear!

858
00:44:14,720 --> 00:44:18,805
Don't worry!
What happens in Africa, stays in Africa.

859
00:44:18,960 --> 00:44:20,086
[ALL LAUGHING]

860
00:44:23,520 --> 00:44:26,285
[LAUREN PANTING]

861
00:44:26,440 --> 00:44:27,965
Oh. Oh.

862
00:44:28,120 --> 00:44:29,884
Tyler. Okay.

863
00:44:31,200 --> 00:44:33,123
Excuse me. Oh.

864
00:44:33,280 --> 00:44:34,327
Okay-

865
00:44:36,560 --> 00:44:38,881
[THUDDING THEN LAUREN GROANS]

866
00:44:39,640 --> 00:44:42,450
That's one way to get him to sleep
through the night.

867
00:44:42,640 --> 00:44:44,608
- You saw that?
- I actually heard it.

868
00:44:44,760 --> 00:44:46,330
I think they heard it in Uganda.

869
00:44:46,480 --> 00:44:48,403
It was a lot easier
when he was Lou's age.

870
00:44:48,560 --> 00:44:51,291
Of course, let me help you out here.
Here you are. You're home.

871
00:44:51,440 --> 00:44:53,124
LAUREN: Thank you.
- Absol... Oh. Too late.

872
00:44:53,280 --> 00:44:55,328
LAUREN: Aah!
JIM: Whoa, whoa, whoa.

873
00:44:55,480 --> 00:44:58,245
All right, all right, all right.
Pick him up.

874
00:44:58,400 --> 00:45:00,562
Three-second rule. Three-second rule.

875
00:45:00,720 --> 00:45:03,121
Good, good, good.
You're fine. He's fine.

876
00:45:03,560 --> 00:45:05,005
[LAUREN GROANS]

877
00:45:11,440 --> 00:45:13,647
[SIGHS]

878
00:45:17,800 --> 00:45:19,723
Okay, now I'm getting scared.

879
00:45:22,880 --> 00:45:24,370
Okay-

880
00:45:25,280 --> 00:45:27,328
Sleep, sleep.

881
00:45:28,520 --> 00:45:33,003
Too hot in here. No blanket, okay? Shh.

882
00:45:34,040 --> 00:45:35,724
Here's your buddy.

883
00:45:38,560 --> 00:45:40,403
Love ya, love ya.

884
00:45:44,080 --> 00:45:45,923
ESPN:
Mom's sleeping there.

885
00:45:46,600 --> 00:45:48,284
Okay, can I sleep with her?

886
00:45:48,800 --> 00:45:50,325
No, you'll crush her.

887
00:45:50,960 --> 00:45:54,043
No, I could get in with her and spoon
with her. It would be nice.

888
00:45:54,360 --> 00:45:57,807
- I don't wanna see that.
- No. Okay.

889
00:45:58,400 --> 00:46:01,847
We'll let Mommy rest.
I'll, uh... I'll figure it out.

890
00:46:02,160 --> 00:46:03,161
I love you.

891
00:46:03,360 --> 00:46:05,886
- I love you too, Dad. Good night.
- Sleep good.

892
00:46:06,320 --> 00:46:08,004
[GROANS]

893
00:46:08,920 --> 00:46:10,843
Me and you there, shorty.

894
00:46:11,000 --> 00:46:13,207
Okay, that's right.

895
00:46:13,520 --> 00:46:18,367
Right on my neck.
That's gonna make a nice evening for me.

896
00:46:18,720 --> 00:46:21,166
[GRUNTS]

897
00:46:21,520 --> 00:46:23,045
[SIGHS]

898
00:46:30,080 --> 00:46:31,923
[SNORTING]

899
00:46:38,480 --> 00:46:42,690
Hey, guys. It is time to wake up.

900
00:46:43,120 --> 00:46:46,886
Africa awaits us. It's a beautiful morning.

901
00:46:47,040 --> 00:46:50,567
ESPN: Is he crazy?
HILARY: Go away. It's way too early.

902
00:46:51,320 --> 00:46:53,971
Lou, will you wake up
with Daddy, please?

903
00:46:54,360 --> 00:46:57,887
In the name of Lucifer, let us sleep.

904
00:46:59,960 --> 00:47:03,885
LAUREN: Up, up, up, you two.
I have quite a day planned.

905
00:47:06,480 --> 00:47:07,766
[SIGHS]

906
00:47:07,920 --> 00:47:09,331
I need a coffee.

907
00:47:14,400 --> 00:47:15,765
Morning.

908
00:47:17,160 --> 00:47:19,288
- Big day planned?
- Oh, yeah.

909
00:47:19,480 --> 00:47:24,008
7:15 nature walk. 8:30 petting zoo.
10:00 a.m. native crafts.

910
00:47:24,160 --> 00:47:26,447
The boys, they're so excited.

911
00:47:26,600 --> 00:47:29,922
Really? My girls are ecstatic also.
Just jumping up and down on the bed.

912
00:47:30,080 --> 00:47:31,286
Can't believe they're here.

913
00:47:31,440 --> 00:47:33,488
- Cream?
JIM & LAUREN: No, thank you.

914
00:47:33,640 --> 00:47:36,803
- Sugar?
JIM & LAUREN: Yes, please.

915
00:47:38,760 --> 00:47:41,127
- Couldn't get the boys out of bed?
- No.

916
00:47:41,280 --> 00:47:42,327
The girls?

917
00:47:42,480 --> 00:47:45,245
The girls are probably sleeping
the rest of the trip.

918
00:47:45,400 --> 00:47:48,927
Possible exorcism coming
for the little one. We'll see what happens.

919
00:47:50,800 --> 00:47:53,485
Well, it's beautiful here.

920
00:47:53,680 --> 00:47:55,011
Oh, yeah.

921
00:47:55,760 --> 00:47:58,127
[RHINO GRUNTING]

922
00:47:59,360 --> 00:48:02,330
- I'll see you around.
- Yeah. Have a good one.

923
00:48:04,200 --> 00:48:06,680
You won't see that in New Jersey.

924
00:48:07,960 --> 00:48:11,885
Okay. All right. All right. Here we go.
Okay. Here you go, baby.

925
00:48:12,040 --> 00:48:14,566
That's it, sweetie. Take him down.
Take him! That's it.

926
00:48:14,720 --> 00:48:16,802
Back him.
Use your weight! Muscle him.

927
00:48:17,360 --> 00:48:18,885
- Unh.
- Use your body.

928
00:48:19,080 --> 00:48:21,606
- Unh!
- Oh, yeah! Finish it!

929
00:48:22,000 --> 00:48:24,651
- Ugh!
- And barn! That's it! Yes!

930
00:48:25,000 --> 00:48:26,968
Yes! Way to go, LBW-

931
00:48:30,160 --> 00:48:33,323
Winners up. Let's go. Give me the ball.
Buddy.

932
00:48:33,480 --> 00:48:34,925
Up top.

933
00:48:36,400 --> 00:48:39,370
And we go in. Let's go. Get loose.

934
00:48:39,560 --> 00:48:42,484
Cut. Cut! Larry! Move!

935
00:48:43,920 --> 00:48:45,649
Come on. What are you doing?

936
00:48:48,080 --> 00:48:49,650
Larry?

937
00:48:49,800 --> 00:48:51,802
Just cut! Go! Break it.

938
00:48:51,960 --> 00:48:53,689
Shake him off. Come on.

939
00:48:54,720 --> 00:48:56,006
Are you voguing right now?

940
00:48:57,200 --> 00:48:58,531
What is happening?

941
00:48:59,160 --> 00:49:00,525
Here! Just take the ball.

942
00:49:01,320 --> 00:49:03,209
Work the kid. Work him. Lose him.

943
00:49:03,360 --> 00:49:06,125
Cross him. Cross him over. Cross him.

944
00:49:06,280 --> 00:49:07,691
Don't skip!

945
00:49:07,880 --> 00:49:09,689
Why you moving like that? Is it the bra?

946
00:49:09,880 --> 00:49:13,009
Because if it's the bra, just take it off.
You don't need it anyways.

947
00:49:20,160 --> 00:49:21,321
What?

948
00:49:24,040 --> 00:49:26,407
What are you doing? We just started.

949
00:49:26,560 --> 00:49:29,131
Is your boy okay?
Why does he wear a bra?

950
00:49:29,880 --> 00:49:31,006
She's a girl.

951
00:49:33,160 --> 00:49:34,571
You suck.

952
00:49:34,720 --> 00:49:36,722
MEN [SINGING]
You suck, you suck, you suck

953
00:49:36,880 --> 00:49:38,803
You suck, you suck, you suck

954
00:49:39,160 --> 00:49:42,084
You suck, you suck, you suck
You schooled by a little girl

955
00:49:42,240 --> 00:49:44,720
Your boy has no skills

956
00:49:46,080 --> 00:49:49,050
You schooled by a little girl

957
00:49:49,840 --> 00:49:51,729
[LAUGHING AND SCREAMING]

958
00:49:58,680 --> 00:50:00,011
[LAUREN WHIMPERING]

959
00:50:00,160 --> 00:50:01,764
Tyler, slow down!

960
00:50:02,280 --> 00:50:05,250
Come on, Mom!
We're going four miles per hour.

961
00:50:05,400 --> 00:50:08,324
That's plenty fast enough.
Fast and safe.

962
00:50:08,520 --> 00:50:11,000
Miss Palmer! It's okay to go fast.

963
00:50:11,160 --> 00:50:12,764
Oh, okay, Mfana.

964
00:50:12,920 --> 00:50:14,604
Watch me!

965
00:50:14,760 --> 00:50:17,081
Ha-ha-ha. Wee!

966
00:50:17,280 --> 00:50:19,806
- You're going the wrong way!
- Watch out, Grandma!

967
00:50:19,960 --> 00:50:21,405
[SCREAMING]

968
00:50:23,400 --> 00:50:24,526
My bad.

969
00:50:25,360 --> 00:50:29,126
WOMAN 1: The blending process
is really going well for us.

970
00:50:29,280 --> 00:50:34,081
My husband's 13-year-old still
has some hatred issues towards me.

971
00:50:34,240 --> 00:50:37,801
But it is becoming less physical,
so it's a start.

972
00:50:37,960 --> 00:50:40,440
- That's great.
WOMAN 2: Good for you.

973
00:50:40,640 --> 00:50:44,406
I woke up this morning with a pillow
pressed against my face.

974
00:50:44,600 --> 00:50:48,491
But I could sense some guilt afterwards.
So that's progress.

975
00:50:48,640 --> 00:50:51,883
Hang in there, ladies.
There's a light at the end of the tunnel.

976
00:50:52,040 --> 00:50:53,644
This little angel here...

977
00:50:53,840 --> 00:50:57,731
...is finally starting to think of me
as her second mom.

978
00:50:57,880 --> 00:51:00,247
Not just her former gymnastics teacher.

979
00:51:00,480 --> 00:51:02,244
What are you drawing, honey?

980
00:51:02,480 --> 00:51:05,848
It's a picture of elephants stomping
on your head and making you dead.

981
00:51:07,280 --> 00:51:09,408
- Heh-heh-heh.
- Stop it.

982
00:51:11,000 --> 00:51:13,480
Don't worry.
What happens in Africa stays in Africa.

983
00:51:15,240 --> 00:51:16,287
Bump my fist?

984
00:51:16,440 --> 00:51:19,171
- Ha, ha. Jim's so funny.
- Yeah.

985
00:51:26,280 --> 00:51:29,170
[GROWLS THEN WHIMPERS]

986
00:51:34,480 --> 00:51:36,926
TYLER:
My head is boiling, Mom. Get it off.

987
00:51:37,080 --> 00:51:38,161
I'm trying.

988
00:51:38,400 --> 00:51:42,007
- Why did you tie it with so many knots?
LAUREN: I didn't want it to come flying off.

989
00:51:42,200 --> 00:51:45,124
Oh, my God!
What happened to her face?

990
00:51:45,280 --> 00:51:48,523
- I painted it. She's a kitty cat.
- Are you wearing eye shadow?

991
00:51:48,680 --> 00:51:51,968
I made Daddy a princess,
but he washed the paint off.

992
00:51:52,120 --> 00:51:55,522
Well, not all the way off
because he looks a little like Lady Gaga.

993
00:51:55,680 --> 00:51:59,446
Why is this kid wearing a helmet? Are you
carrying him to bed again or something?

994
00:51:59,680 --> 00:52:03,207
No, I tied the chin strap too many times.
I can't get it off.

995
00:52:03,360 --> 00:52:07,046
Best thing about working at a sporting
goods store: Swiss Army knives.

996
00:52:07,200 --> 00:52:09,009
- Just be careful.
JIM: I'll go easy.

997
00:52:10,560 --> 00:52:11,800
- Aah!
- Oh.

998
00:52:11,960 --> 00:52:14,042
JIM: Uh-huh. Uh-huh.
- Thank you.

999
00:52:14,200 --> 00:52:17,044
- Daddy, I gotta go to the bathroom.
- You do? Okay.

1000
00:52:17,200 --> 00:52:18,565
Can she take me?

1001
00:52:19,560 --> 00:52:22,643
She's got her own life to live.
What do you gotta do? One or two?

1002
00:52:22,800 --> 00:52:25,246
- Number one.
- I can handle this.

1003
00:52:26,160 --> 00:52:27,730
- Okay.
- Will you watch him?

1004
00:52:27,920 --> 00:52:31,686
- And I mean watch him.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah. I got it, home slice.

1005
00:52:31,840 --> 00:52:32,887
- Okay.
- For sure.

1006
00:52:33,080 --> 00:52:34,923
What's number one again?

1007
00:52:35,080 --> 00:52:36,923
LAUREN:
It's a pee-pee.

1008
00:52:39,560 --> 00:52:41,881
LOU:
And sometimes he wipes too hard.

1009
00:52:42,240 --> 00:52:44,322
LAUREN:
I'm sure he doesn't mean to.

1010
00:52:44,480 --> 00:52:48,087
LOU: No, he's a good daddy.
He just doesn't have a bagina.

1011
00:52:49,400 --> 00:52:51,801
Okay, honey. Let's wash your hands.

1012
00:52:51,960 --> 00:52:53,200
[GASPS]

1013
00:52:53,360 --> 00:52:58,400
He's a bad daddy!
He made me look like the walking dead!

1014
00:52:58,560 --> 00:52:59,607
Oh, no!

1015
00:52:59,760 --> 00:53:00,886
[LOU SOBBING]

1016
00:53:01,680 --> 00:53:03,091
Okay-

1017
00:53:03,280 --> 00:53:04,691
All right.

1018
00:53:04,840 --> 00:53:07,525
Let's see what we have
in the magic bag here.

1019
00:53:07,680 --> 00:53:10,445
Oh. Perfect.

1020
00:53:10,600 --> 00:53:12,762
All right. La, da, da.

1021
00:53:14,480 --> 00:53:15,766
You're pretty.

1022
00:53:17,480 --> 00:53:19,244
You're prettier.

1023
00:53:20,000 --> 00:53:21,445
[LOW VOICE]
I said you are.

1024
00:53:22,440 --> 00:53:24,966
[LOW VOICE]
Shut up and let me do your makeup.

1025
00:53:25,120 --> 00:53:26,121
[GIGGLING]

1026
00:53:26,640 --> 00:53:28,130
LOU:
Don't worry. They're around.

1027
00:53:28,280 --> 00:53:29,725
LAUREN:
Oh, I'm not worried.

1028
00:53:29,880 --> 00:53:31,405
Maybe that's where they are.

1029
00:53:32,400 --> 00:53:33,606
BOY:
Yeah!

1030
00:53:34,560 --> 00:53:35,800
BOY:
Yeah!

1031
00:53:35,960 --> 00:53:37,086
Tyler?

1032
00:53:37,880 --> 00:53:39,080
MAN: Hold on, now!
- Excuse me.

1033
00:53:39,640 --> 00:53:41,961
JIM: Hold on, big time!
- Aah!

1034
00:53:42,120 --> 00:53:45,761
[JIM & TYLER SCREAMING]

1035
00:53:45,920 --> 00:53:48,924
Aah! Oh, my God! I'm gonna kill him.

1036
00:53:49,120 --> 00:53:50,849
[TYLER SCREAMING]

1037
00:53:51,000 --> 00:53:53,082
Yeah, baby! Hold on, now!

1038
00:53:53,240 --> 00:53:54,651
Whoa! Whoa!

1039
00:53:54,800 --> 00:53:56,723
Easy, homey. easy!

1040
00:53:57,160 --> 00:54:01,165
Tyler! Get off that dodo bird right now!

1041
00:54:01,320 --> 00:54:05,291
Whoa, whoa, whoa. Everything's fine.
The safety instructor's on top of it.

1042
00:54:05,720 --> 00:54:07,802
[SNORING]

1043
00:54:08,160 --> 00:54:09,241
Ugh.

1044
00:54:09,400 --> 00:54:12,324
Look at me, Mom! I'm a cowboy!

1045
00:54:12,560 --> 00:54:14,927
Well, partner, I bet I can stay on
longer than you!

1046
00:54:15,080 --> 00:54:16,605
It's on, sheriff.

1047
00:54:16,760 --> 00:54:18,683
No "longer"! No "staying"!

1048
00:54:19,240 --> 00:54:21,971
JIM: I can't be beat!
TYLER: I can't hear you! You're going down!

1049
00:54:22,120 --> 00:54:25,522
I'm never gonna fall off! Never!

1050
00:54:26,040 --> 00:54:28,725
[ALL CHEERING]

1051
00:54:31,000 --> 00:54:32,570
Whoo! One hand, mama!

1052
00:54:32,720 --> 00:54:33,846
Whoo... Aah!

1053
00:54:35,160 --> 00:54:37,049
CROWD:
Ooh!

1054
00:54:37,200 --> 00:54:38,201
Good!

1055
00:54:38,360 --> 00:54:41,364
Yes! I win! I'm the king of Africa!

1056
00:54:42,880 --> 00:54:45,690
TYLER: Whoa!
- Tyler!

1057
00:54:45,880 --> 00:54:47,723
[CROWD CHEERING]

1058
00:54:48,200 --> 00:54:49,201
[GASPS]

1059
00:54:49,360 --> 00:54:50,850
A winner!

1060
00:54:51,040 --> 00:54:52,405
Are you kidding me?

1061
00:54:52,600 --> 00:54:54,762
Yee-haw! Yee-haw!

1062
00:54:54,920 --> 00:54:57,844
Wow. Whoo, boom!

1063
00:54:58,000 --> 00:55:00,731
You're a moron, okay?
Because he could've broken his neck!

1064
00:55:00,880 --> 00:55:05,044
Mom. Mom, Mom. Did you see that?
I stuck the landing and did the bull dance.

1065
00:55:05,200 --> 00:55:06,361
I saw it.

1066
00:55:06,520 --> 00:55:08,966
Thank you so much
for taking me on this trip, Mom.

1067
00:55:09,120 --> 00:55:10,963
This is the best day of my life!

1068
00:55:11,640 --> 00:55:15,531
Okay. Great! Oh, good! Oh, good.
I love you so much.

1069
00:55:15,680 --> 00:55:18,889
- I'm so glad you're having fun.
- Aw.

1070
00:55:19,080 --> 00:55:20,206
[WHISPERING]
You're welcome.

1071
00:55:20,600 --> 00:55:21,931
[WHISPERING]
Thank you so much.

1072
00:55:22,120 --> 00:55:24,885
- Why you flipping my dad off?
- Huh? I'm not.

1073
00:55:30,920 --> 00:55:33,890
Yo! Check out white girl
in the neighborhood.

1074
00:55:34,040 --> 00:55:36,441
Am I right, my brothers? Woo-woo!

1075
00:55:37,080 --> 00:55:39,082
[IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE]

1076
00:55:41,120 --> 00:55:43,088
[ALL LAUGHING]

1077
00:55:43,440 --> 00:55:45,761
I can't believe your dad's into my mom.

1078
00:55:45,920 --> 00:55:47,729
He doesn't like her. She's into him.

1079
00:55:47,880 --> 00:55:52,363
No way. He's goofy and flabby all over.
My mom's gorgeous with a rocking body.

1080
00:55:52,520 --> 00:55:54,249
Hey, that's sick, man.

1081
00:55:54,400 --> 00:55:56,129
That was out of context!

1082
00:55:56,600 --> 00:55:57,886
Was it?

1083
00:55:58,080 --> 00:55:59,286
[ESPN CHUCKLES]

1084
00:55:59,440 --> 00:56:01,249
[CHILDREN LAUGHING]

1085
00:56:26,120 --> 00:56:29,647
You know, you should just go talk to him
because he probably won't bite.

1086
00:56:29,800 --> 00:56:32,644
Oh! No, no. I can't.

1087
00:56:33,240 --> 00:56:34,924
Got a boyfriend back at home?

1088
00:56:35,120 --> 00:56:38,488
Please. All the guys at my school pretty
much assume I'm a lesbian.

1089
00:56:38,680 --> 00:56:40,444
And not the hot kind.

1090
00:56:41,440 --> 00:56:44,808
Well, have you ever considered,
say, like...

1091
00:56:45,320 --> 00:56:46,560
...changing your hairstyle?

1092
00:56:46,720 --> 00:56:49,963
Our barber only really knows
how to do this and crew cuts.

1093
00:56:50,120 --> 00:56:51,485
- So...
- A barber?

1094
00:56:51,680 --> 00:56:53,842
Like the kind with a pole outside?

1095
00:56:54,000 --> 00:56:57,163
He cut our grandfather's hair.
He cuts my dad's hair.

1096
00:56:57,320 --> 00:57:00,529
- And now he cuts our hair. Heh.
- May I just...?

1097
00:57:02,840 --> 00:57:04,001
Yup.

1098
00:57:07,760 --> 00:57:10,366
You have such a beautiful face.

1099
00:57:10,520 --> 00:57:13,000
[CHUCKLING]

1100
00:57:13,360 --> 00:57:17,968
You know, it's funny because
I was actually on my way to the salon.

1101
00:57:18,240 --> 00:57:20,129
Do you wanna come
check it out with me?

1102
00:57:21,040 --> 00:57:22,201
For what?

1103
00:57:22,360 --> 00:57:24,044
For a hairdo...

1104
00:57:24,360 --> 00:57:25,646
...for a girl...

1105
00:57:25,800 --> 00:57:27,370
...in this century.

1106
00:57:27,880 --> 00:57:32,044
I would but I'd have to ask
my dad for the money.

1107
00:57:32,200 --> 00:57:34,771
No. No, no, no. It's on me.

1108
00:57:36,240 --> 00:57:37,287
Really?

1109
00:57:38,120 --> 00:57:39,690
It would make me so happy.

1110
00:57:39,840 --> 00:57:42,047
Because I don't get to do this
with my boys.

1111
00:57:42,640 --> 00:57:44,722
- Come on, Prince Valiant.
- Heh.

1112
00:57:44,880 --> 00:57:47,611
- I don't know who that is but okay.
- Okay.

1113
00:57:47,760 --> 00:57:49,489
[BOTH LAUGHING]

1114
00:57:50,480 --> 00:57:52,209
Where do you buy your clothes?

1115
00:57:52,400 --> 00:57:54,846
Oh, Dad gets most of our clothes
from work.

1116
00:57:55,000 --> 00:57:58,561
Oh, then I guess we should be grateful
he doesn't work at Hooters.

1117
00:57:58,760 --> 00:58:00,888
No, my mom worked at Hooters.

1118
00:58:01,640 --> 00:58:02,846
She what?

1119
00:58:03,040 --> 00:58:07,523
Oh, my mom, she used to work at Hooters.
She managed the one over on Lake Street.

1120
00:58:09,760 --> 00:58:11,649
Oh. Heh.

1121
00:58:19,240 --> 00:58:22,210
So then he gets down
on one knee and proposes.

1122
00:58:22,360 --> 00:58:25,569
Right in the middle of kickboxing class.

1123
00:58:25,720 --> 00:58:28,564
He's lucky he didn't get kicked
in the nuts.

1124
00:58:28,720 --> 00:58:30,404
Oh, my nuts! Ha-ha-ha.

1125
00:58:32,320 --> 00:58:37,406
Espn. This is the best passion fruit
I've ever tasted. Try it.

1126
00:58:37,560 --> 00:58:39,562
And I got some for your mom too.

1127
00:58:41,800 --> 00:58:42,961
Thank you.

1128
00:58:43,160 --> 00:58:44,571
You're welcome.

1129
00:58:44,720 --> 00:58:46,165
So how'd you two sexicans meet?

1130
00:58:46,320 --> 00:58:48,766
Yeah! Hitting them with the hard questions.
I like it.

1131
00:58:48,960 --> 00:58:50,883
Well, we met on a blind date.

1132
00:58:51,040 --> 00:58:53,930
- Argh. Those are the worst.
- Oh.

1133
00:58:54,080 --> 00:58:56,208
I've been on 10 blind dates in my life.

1134
00:58:56,360 --> 00:58:59,523
All fatties. Ten for ten. All fatties.

1135
00:58:59,720 --> 00:59:01,245
[ALL LAUGHING]

1136
00:59:01,400 --> 00:59:02,686
No offense, Jim.

1137
00:59:03,680 --> 00:59:04,886
What?

1138
00:59:05,040 --> 00:59:06,610
So what happened?
Where'd he take you?

1139
00:59:07,080 --> 00:59:09,162
Actually, Hooters.

1140
00:59:09,360 --> 00:59:10,441
Here we go.

1141
00:59:10,600 --> 00:59:16,004
Which was wonderful service,
nice people, really great.

1142
00:59:17,600 --> 00:59:19,921
Aw. How romantic.

1143
00:59:20,080 --> 00:59:23,368
- Oh.
- Aw, everyone's shimmying now.

1144
00:59:23,520 --> 00:59:25,568
Shimmy, shimmy, shimmy. Ha-ha-ha.

1145
00:59:25,720 --> 00:59:28,530
Why you no shimmy, Jimmy?
Shimmy.

1146
00:59:29,040 --> 00:59:30,087
Jim?

1147
01:00:09,000 --> 01:00:12,561
Where's Larry?
What happened to Larry?

1148
01:00:12,800 --> 01:00:14,165
I'm right here, Dad.

1149
01:00:15,240 --> 01:00:17,846
Why were the, uh...?

1150
01:00:18,000 --> 01:00:20,002
How did this, uh...?

1151
01:00:20,440 --> 01:00:22,169
What's happening right now?

1152
01:00:22,960 --> 01:00:25,611
Um, well, Lauren gave me
her salon appointment...

1153
01:00:25,760 --> 01:00:26,841
Uh-huh.

1154
01:00:27,000 --> 01:00:29,526
...and they put in hair extensions
and makeup...

1155
01:00:29,920 --> 01:00:34,847
...and she even told them how to style it
and what to do, what not to do.

1156
01:00:35,000 --> 01:00:36,968
She was pretty amazing.

1157
01:00:37,800 --> 01:00:39,768
She was amazing, huh?

1158
01:00:40,000 --> 01:00:42,890
Do you want to go get some sushi
from the bar?

1159
01:00:43,040 --> 01:00:45,646
Whoa, whoa, whoa. Easy, scarecrow!
She's gotta bulk up!

1160
01:00:45,800 --> 01:00:48,963
Pork chops! Lamb chops! Tri-tip!

1161
01:00:50,160 --> 01:00:51,207
Uh...

1162
01:00:51,360 --> 01:00:53,169
Let's go get our beef on?

1163
01:00:53,600 --> 01:00:55,887
[BOTH CHUCKLE]

1164
01:00:56,440 --> 01:00:57,566
[SIGHS]

1165
01:00:57,720 --> 01:01:02,009
Uh-oh. I think someone new came to dinner.
A flying baby named Cupid.

1166
01:01:02,160 --> 01:01:03,844
- Heh-heh-heh.
- Ping.

1167
01:01:04,000 --> 01:01:06,844
Aah! You got me!

1168
01:01:07,040 --> 01:01:09,566
[BOTH GRUNTING]

1169
01:01:09,800 --> 01:01:10,926
[GINGER GIGGLING]

1170
01:01:11,080 --> 01:01:12,570
Now we're both in love.

1171
01:01:12,720 --> 01:01:14,324
[GINGER LAUGHING AND EDDY RETCHING]

1172
01:01:14,520 --> 01:01:15,726
[BOTH LAUGHING]

1173
01:01:16,040 --> 01:01:17,280
What's the matter?

1174
01:01:18,040 --> 01:01:19,326
What's the matter?

1175
01:01:19,480 --> 01:01:23,041
I just looked at my daughter,
and I didn't really recognize her.

1176
01:01:23,240 --> 01:01:24,890
Kind of threw me off for a minute.

1177
01:01:25,200 --> 01:01:29,330
Well, she's 15, you know?
She's bound to grow up at some point.

1178
01:01:29,480 --> 01:01:30,891
I know. Call me crazy.

1179
01:01:31,080 --> 01:01:34,801
I just thought maybe that would be
my decision because she's my kid!

1180
01:01:36,360 --> 01:01:38,931
Okay! Awkward moment.
Uncomfortable. Tension.

1181
01:01:39,080 --> 01:01:40,844
I'm leaving the table. Who's with me?

1182
01:01:41,000 --> 01:01:43,048
TYLER: Me! Me!
BRENDAN: I'm going.

1183
01:01:43,840 --> 01:01:45,410
Wow.

1184
01:01:45,920 --> 01:01:47,001
Whoa. I just...

1185
01:01:47,160 --> 01:01:48,400
Can I ask you?

1186
01:01:48,560 --> 01:01:52,770
What made you think you could tart up
my daughter without my permission?

1187
01:01:53,840 --> 01:01:57,083
You're right. I'm sorry. I am.

1188
01:01:57,560 --> 01:02:00,882
I just find it hypocritical from someone
who nearly killed my son.

1189
01:02:01,040 --> 01:02:02,724
So it was getting even? Is that it?

1190
01:02:02,880 --> 01:02:05,406
No, it's not getting even but I just...

1191
01:02:05,560 --> 01:02:07,369
- She's beautiful.
JIM: Right.

1192
01:02:07,520 --> 01:02:10,126
With that pageboy Prince Valiant haircut
you gave her...

1193
01:02:10,280 --> 01:02:12,248
JIM:
She looked very nice with that haircut.

1194
01:02:12,400 --> 01:02:17,281
...and the tracksuit, are you kidding me?
Dying on the inside to come out!

1195
01:02:17,440 --> 01:02:21,968
Her mother was tomboyish at her age
and that was fine with me.

1196
01:02:22,720 --> 01:02:24,961
You knew your wife when she was 15?

1197
01:02:25,280 --> 01:02:27,965
I knew my wife when I was 13.
I had a crush on her.

1198
01:02:28,120 --> 01:02:30,248
I have no idea why she liked me back.

1199
01:02:30,640 --> 01:02:33,610
I was 90 percent goofy
and 10 percent loser.

1200
01:02:34,360 --> 01:02:39,730
Well, I was 60 percent Urkel
and 40 percent Screech.

1201
01:02:39,920 --> 01:02:44,050
Put it to you this way: If I didn't have braces,
my teeth would be hitting you right now.

1202
01:02:44,200 --> 01:02:46,965
[BOTH LAUGHING]

1203
01:02:51,320 --> 01:02:55,723
I'm sorry I yelled at you. I feel like a jerk
because I put your kid on a gooney bird...

1204
01:02:55,880 --> 01:02:59,771
- ...and I didn't ask your permission.
- No, but listen. You're right.

1205
01:03:02,320 --> 01:03:04,607
I need to let go of the reins a little bit.

1206
01:03:04,800 --> 01:03:08,521
I just want to say on behalf of Thathoo...

1207
01:03:08,960 --> 01:03:13,761
...how happy we are to see you
two lovebirds finally...

1208
01:03:13,920 --> 01:03:15,160
...blending.

1209
01:03:15,320 --> 01:03:18,688
No, we're not blending.
We were just having a conversation.

1210
01:03:18,840 --> 01:03:21,525
- Just happy we haven't killed each other yet.
- Heh.

1211
01:03:21,680 --> 01:03:23,682
[SINGING]
Yes, yes, you are blending

1212
01:03:23,840 --> 01:03:25,604
We don't feel that way about each other!

1213
01:03:25,760 --> 01:03:27,922
Yes, you'll be touching

1214
01:03:28,080 --> 01:03:29,923
Like wine and bobotie

1215
01:03:30,080 --> 01:03:32,003
All right, let's go and get our beef on!

1216
01:03:32,200 --> 01:03:34,009
And like malva pudding

1217
01:03:34,200 --> 01:03:35,486
All right, thank you.

1218
01:03:35,640 --> 01:03:38,371
I think they're blending over there!
Come now! Come now!

1219
01:03:38,560 --> 01:03:40,369
They're blending over here! Yes!

1220
01:03:50,720 --> 01:03:52,449
Daddy, look!

1221
01:03:52,640 --> 01:03:54,802
[ALL SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY]

1222
01:04:04,720 --> 01:04:06,484
[PURRING]

1223
01:04:17,240 --> 01:04:19,891
Ha-ha-ha. Woo-hoo!

1224
01:04:24,920 --> 01:04:27,526
What? I thought I saw an eagle.

1225
01:04:27,960 --> 01:04:31,567
I saw a camel! Ha-ha-ha.

1226
01:04:34,760 --> 01:04:37,764
Hey, Hilary. Uh...
You wanna come in our truck?

1227
01:04:37,920 --> 01:04:40,400
Shouldn't you be in your coffin?
The sun's out right now.

1228
01:04:40,640 --> 01:04:42,529
Take a walk, homes.

1229
01:04:45,920 --> 01:04:47,251
Eh, yo, yo, yo.

1230
01:04:47,600 --> 01:04:48,840
Go ahead.

1231
01:05:03,400 --> 01:05:04,561
Oh!

1232
01:05:04,720 --> 01:05:06,404
JAKE: Oh, my God.
HILARY: Ha-ha-ha.

1233
01:05:13,320 --> 01:05:14,685
Look, children.

1234
01:05:14,840 --> 01:05:16,922
The bush pig has lost its parents...

1235
01:05:17,160 --> 01:05:20,289
...so it is being cared for by Mama
and Papa Lion.

1236
01:05:20,640 --> 01:05:23,883
Even in nature
there are blended families.

1237
01:05:24,080 --> 01:05:25,491
- That's nice.
EDDY: That's sweet.

1238
01:05:25,640 --> 01:05:27,210
[LION GROWLS THEN LOU SCREAM]

1239
01:05:27,400 --> 01:05:29,607
[LION CONTINUES GROWLING
AND PIG GROANING]

1240
01:05:29,760 --> 01:05:31,330
[CRUNCHING]

1241
01:05:31,480 --> 01:05:33,164
[PURRING]

1242
01:05:34,320 --> 01:05:37,210
I may have misread that situation.

1243
01:05:37,360 --> 01:05:40,091
- You think so, buddy?
- What is wrong with you?

1244
01:05:40,240 --> 01:05:43,050
[ALL SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY]

1245
01:05:46,000 --> 01:05:47,161
[SINGING IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE]

1246
01:05:47,320 --> 01:05:48,890
[JIM WHISTLING]

1247
01:05:58,640 --> 01:06:00,244
HILARY:
Yeah, Lauren!

1248
01:06:00,400 --> 01:06:01,765
Yeah. baby!

1249
01:06:02,200 --> 01:06:04,646
- No!
BRENDAN: You can do it, Mom!

1250
01:06:05,400 --> 01:06:07,448
HILARY:
Go Lauren! Go Lauren!

1251
01:06:07,920 --> 01:06:09,729
Whoa.

1252
01:06:12,000 --> 01:06:13,206
[MOUTHS]
Oh, my God.

1253
01:06:23,520 --> 01:06:24,851
[LAUREN LAUGHING]

1254
01:06:43,000 --> 01:06:46,561
Emotional. Time passing. Changes.

1255
01:06:46,720 --> 01:06:49,166
It's... it's... It's hard.

1256
01:06:49,320 --> 01:06:53,405
You gotta let it go.
Turning the page. Moving on.

1257
01:06:54,400 --> 01:06:55,925
She was a little kid just a...

1258
01:06:56,080 --> 01:06:58,048
Processing it. Accepting it.

1259
01:06:58,240 --> 01:07:00,447
The circle of life. Painful, though.

1260
01:07:00,600 --> 01:07:02,011
It hurts, right?

1261
01:07:02,360 --> 01:07:04,249
No. Not for me. I got a boy.

1262
01:07:04,400 --> 01:07:06,050
But you're in the shithouse.

1263
01:07:06,440 --> 01:07:07,680
Thanks.

1264
01:07:08,800 --> 01:07:10,325
MFANA:
Whoo! Aah!

1265
01:07:10,480 --> 01:07:13,609
The view is splendid!

1266
01:07:13,760 --> 01:07:15,046
[SPEAKS IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE]

1267
01:07:15,200 --> 01:07:17,168
[IN ENGLISH]
Which mean "who's next?"

1268
01:07:17,480 --> 01:07:18,527
Please, Mom?

1269
01:07:18,720 --> 01:07:21,087
What? That? Are you crazy? No.

1270
01:07:21,240 --> 01:07:24,130
If Mfana can do it, I could do it.
It's totally safe.

1271
01:07:24,280 --> 01:07:28,171
There is no way
I'm going to let you do that.

1272
01:07:29,080 --> 01:07:32,721
Unless I try it first...

1273
01:07:32,880 --> 01:07:35,451
- ...and make sure you can handle it.
- Yes!

1274
01:07:35,600 --> 01:07:37,568
TYLER:
Yeah! Oh, yeah!

1275
01:07:37,720 --> 01:07:39,688
Your mom is gonna do it.

1276
01:07:42,160 --> 01:07:44,970
You have nothing to worry about.
You are in tight.

1277
01:07:45,160 --> 01:07:46,969
You got 50-gauge webbing here.

1278
01:07:47,160 --> 01:07:49,766
Possibly malaria is the only thing
you gotta think about.

1279
01:07:49,960 --> 01:07:51,724
Don't swallow anything weird up there.

1280
01:07:51,920 --> 01:07:54,526
Okay. What happens if, like,
I wanna signal for help...

1281
01:07:54,680 --> 01:07:57,809
...or, like, if I decide to change my mind? Aah!
JIM: Whoa!

1282
01:07:57,960 --> 01:07:59,121
Oh, yeah, baby!

1283
01:07:59,280 --> 01:08:00,520
- You look good!
- Oh, my God!

1284
01:08:00,720 --> 01:08:02,927
I change my mind! I change my mind!

1285
01:08:03,080 --> 01:08:05,048
HILARY: Whoo!
- That's awesome!

1286
01:08:05,200 --> 01:08:07,680
[SCREAMING]

1287
01:08:07,840 --> 01:08:08,841
Oh.

1288
01:08:09,000 --> 01:08:11,002
[CHUCKLES]

1289
01:08:11,160 --> 01:08:12,321
Wow!

1290
01:08:13,680 --> 01:08:16,411
Oh, my God!

1291
01:08:16,840 --> 01:08:18,729
It's beautiful!

1292
01:08:18,880 --> 01:08:21,121
Go, Mama, go!

1293
01:08:21,320 --> 01:08:22,367
Aah! Aah!

1294
01:08:22,520 --> 01:08:24,045
There are giraffes!

1295
01:08:24,240 --> 01:08:27,926
Jim, there are giraffes right there!
I can see them!

1296
01:08:28,120 --> 01:08:30,327
Well, say hello for me!

1297
01:08:30,520 --> 01:08:31,806
[CHUCKLES]

1298
01:08:32,000 --> 01:08:33,331
Oh, wow!

1299
01:08:33,480 --> 01:08:35,244
[CHUCKLES]

1300
01:08:35,400 --> 01:08:37,641
Oh, this is so pretty!

1301
01:08:39,520 --> 01:08:42,763
Oh, my God! Elephants! Elephants!

1302
01:08:42,920 --> 01:08:44,365
Aah!

1303
01:08:44,520 --> 01:08:47,205
[HOWLING]

1304
01:08:47,840 --> 01:08:50,411
JIM: Thatta girl!
HILARY: Go Lauren!

1305
01:08:50,600 --> 01:08:52,682
[LAUREN CONTINUES HOWLING]

1306
01:08:52,840 --> 01:08:54,444
Why is she screaming?

1307
01:08:54,600 --> 01:08:58,446
She's not screaming. She's howling.
She's having fun.

1308
01:08:58,600 --> 01:08:59,886
[HOWLING]

1309
01:09:00,040 --> 01:09:02,407
[ALL HOWLING]

1310
01:09:02,600 --> 01:09:04,728
Looking good up there, baby!

1311
01:09:04,880 --> 01:09:09,169
Fly, Mrs. Thorpopolis! Fly like the wind!

1312
01:09:09,320 --> 01:09:10,526
[LAUGHING]

1313
01:09:11,520 --> 01:09:14,524
Tyler! You've gotta try this!

1314
01:09:14,920 --> 01:09:18,208
[ENGINE CHUGGING]

1315
01:09:18,720 --> 01:09:20,051
Why you slowing down?

1316
01:09:20,520 --> 01:09:23,524
- We're out of gas.
- You're out of gas? What does that mean?

1317
01:09:24,120 --> 01:09:26,771
We used to have gas.
But now we're out.

1318
01:09:26,920 --> 01:09:28,206
Oh.

1319
01:09:28,360 --> 01:09:29,646
[CONTINUES HOWLING]

1320
01:09:29,800 --> 01:09:31,564
Oh, my God! What's happening?

1321
01:09:33,080 --> 01:09:34,127
Jim!

1322
01:09:34,520 --> 01:09:37,251
- We're out of gas!
- What?

1323
01:09:37,440 --> 01:09:39,920
- Oh, no.
- Oh, my God! No!

1324
01:09:40,080 --> 01:09:41,320
This is all your fault!

1325
01:09:41,480 --> 01:09:43,642
Don't worry!
My dad's gonna come up with a plan!

1326
01:09:43,800 --> 01:09:46,770
- What's the plan?
- Look for a gas station.

1327
01:09:47,080 --> 01:09:48,241
You suck.

1328
01:09:48,400 --> 01:09:50,801
Why did I let you talk me into this?

1329
01:09:50,960 --> 01:09:52,041
JIM:
Listen to me!

1330
01:09:52,200 --> 01:09:53,929
When you get close to the ground...

1331
01:09:54,120 --> 01:09:56,646
...start running fast!

1332
01:09:56,800 --> 01:09:59,246
I have the legs of a corgi dog!

1333
01:09:59,400 --> 01:10:03,121
It doesn't matter right now!
Move those little babies!

1334
01:10:03,600 --> 01:10:06,524
You cannot let your kids
see you die like this!

1335
01:10:06,720 --> 01:10:08,370
[GRUNTING]

1336
01:10:08,520 --> 01:10:11,444
Go! Go! Go!

1337
01:10:11,640 --> 01:10:14,086
Now! Get those legs going!

1338
01:10:14,280 --> 01:10:15,884
[SCREAMING]

1339
01:10:16,040 --> 01:10:18,725
Oh, my God! Rhino!

1340
01:10:18,880 --> 01:10:20,450
ESPN: Rhino, rhino!
JIM: Oh, my God!

1341
01:10:20,600 --> 01:10:21,647
[SCREAMING]

1342
01:10:22,320 --> 01:10:23,401
JIM:
Spread them!

1343
01:10:23,560 --> 01:10:25,642
- Oh, my God!
- Spread the legs!

1344
01:10:25,800 --> 01:10:28,406
- Aah!
- Her bagina!

1345
01:10:28,600 --> 01:10:30,250
Aah! Ow!

1346
01:10:30,800 --> 01:10:32,928
[LAUREN CONTINUES SCREAMING]

1347
01:10:33,120 --> 01:10:34,406
Yeah!

1348
01:10:35,000 --> 01:10:36,331
Ugh!

1349
01:10:36,480 --> 01:10:38,960
[ALL LAUGHING]

1350
01:10:39,120 --> 01:10:40,770
- Go, go, go, go, go!
- Dad!

1351
01:10:40,960 --> 01:10:43,406
[SNORING]

1352
01:10:44,960 --> 01:10:47,850
[DRUMMING
AND INDISTINCT CHATTERING]

1353
01:11:03,160 --> 01:11:05,208
[SIGHS]

1354
01:11:05,720 --> 01:11:07,245
Ooh.

1355
01:11:10,760 --> 01:11:12,888
Aah.

1356
01:11:13,240 --> 01:11:16,528
I didn't have you pegged
for the massage type of guy.

1357
01:11:16,680 --> 01:11:19,365
It's the first massage I'll ever do in my life.
I have to.

1358
01:11:19,520 --> 01:11:22,126
To see if they can rub
my pancreas out of my neck.

1359
01:11:22,280 --> 01:11:24,851
My God. You're welcome, by the way.

1360
01:11:25,480 --> 01:11:27,050
For what?

1361
01:11:27,320 --> 01:11:29,243
"For what?" For saving you.

1362
01:11:29,440 --> 01:11:31,124
You didn't save me.

1363
01:11:31,280 --> 01:11:32,964
You told me to keep running.

1364
01:11:33,120 --> 01:11:34,724
Why didn't you catch me?

1365
01:11:34,880 --> 01:11:37,247
I was supposed to catch you?
Who am I, Batman?

1366
01:11:37,400 --> 01:11:39,289
Coming at me like 700 miles an hour.

1367
01:11:39,480 --> 01:11:43,405
You're weighing about a buck fifty.
The inertia would rip my arms off my body.

1368
01:11:43,560 --> 01:11:47,804
Yes. That's me. I weigh a buck fifty.
If I'm holding your left ass cheek.

1369
01:11:47,960 --> 01:11:49,405
[JIM CHUCKLING]

1370
01:11:49,560 --> 01:11:52,404
- I don't know what women weigh.
- You don't know anything.

1371
01:11:52,560 --> 01:11:55,325
JIM: Mm-hm. We'll see.
LAUREN: Have a nice massage.

1372
01:11:55,480 --> 01:11:57,847
INSTRUCTOR:
All right. Now do the same on your partner...

1373
01:11:58,040 --> 01:12:02,489
...while making sure to continue
to look deeply into each others' eyes.

1374
01:12:02,680 --> 01:12:05,331
[ALL MOANING]

1375
01:12:07,040 --> 01:12:09,611
- What is this?
- A scene out of The Doors?

1376
01:12:09,800 --> 01:12:11,928
I don't know. Uh...

1377
01:12:12,080 --> 01:12:14,481
Ma'am? Yeah. I booked a massage.

1378
01:12:14,680 --> 01:12:18,366
Yes. You've booked
for the Art of Couples massage.

1379
01:12:18,920 --> 01:12:23,244
- I just got a call from my babysitter...
- Oh. There was an avalanche in my back yard...

1380
01:12:23,440 --> 01:12:26,125
Come on!
This is exactly what you guys need.

1381
01:12:26,320 --> 01:12:28,641
We'll form a massage train.
I'll be the caboose.

1382
01:12:28,800 --> 01:12:32,043
- Unacceptable.
- I'm joking.

1383
01:12:32,360 --> 01:12:34,567
[MIMICS TRAIN HORN]

1384
01:12:34,800 --> 01:12:35,847
- Join us.
- No, ma'am.

1385
01:12:36,000 --> 01:12:37,843
- I'm so good.
- I'm being totally honest...

1386
01:12:38,040 --> 01:12:39,690
INSTRUCTOR:
I think you should. This way.

1387
01:12:39,840 --> 01:12:42,525
- And there you go.
- Oh, my God.

1388
01:12:42,680 --> 01:12:43,727
[JIM & LAUREN GRUNT]

1389
01:12:45,920 --> 01:12:47,046
Okay!

1390
01:12:47,200 --> 01:12:51,410
Let's loosen things up
by stroking your lover's neck.

1391
01:12:52,400 --> 01:12:54,129
LAUREN: Okay
INSTRUCTOR: Come on now.

1392
01:12:54,880 --> 01:12:56,120
Don't be bashful.

1393
01:12:56,280 --> 01:13:01,286
Give yourself over to the pleasure
of your loving partner's touch.

1394
01:13:05,160 --> 01:13:06,685
Yeah.

1395
01:13:08,360 --> 01:13:09,407
[LAUREN CHUCKLES]

1396
01:13:09,560 --> 01:13:11,005
- Hello.
- How are you?

1397
01:13:15,200 --> 01:13:16,247
Ow.

1398
01:13:16,400 --> 01:13:18,084
Remember to keep the touch soft.

1399
01:13:18,240 --> 01:13:20,846
Lightly brush your fingers
against her skin.

1400
01:13:22,560 --> 01:13:23,607
It's so...

1401
01:13:24,280 --> 01:13:25,645
Oh, God! What's happening?

1402
01:13:25,800 --> 01:13:27,290
- Is there a bug on me?
- No.

1403
01:13:27,440 --> 01:13:31,968
There's no bug. I was just trying
to get some skin, like she said.

1404
01:13:32,120 --> 01:13:34,521
- Well, that hurts the jugular.
- I won't do it.

1405
01:13:34,720 --> 01:13:37,371
I'm sorry. I don't know...

1406
01:13:38,040 --> 01:13:40,122
...how to give you a...

1407
01:13:40,680 --> 01:13:45,004
[MOANING]

1408
01:13:47,800 --> 01:13:49,450
Okay, so...

1409
01:13:49,960 --> 01:13:51,485
- There you go.
- Oh.

1410
01:13:52,520 --> 01:13:55,524
- That's actually really nice. Heh.
- Good.

1411
01:13:55,680 --> 01:13:57,045
Oh, God.

1412
01:13:57,720 --> 01:13:58,767
Oh.

1413
01:13:58,920 --> 01:14:00,968
I feel like I'm relaxing.

1414
01:14:01,440 --> 01:14:03,886
Oh, it's wonderful.

1415
01:14:04,080 --> 01:14:06,765
Excuse me. Am I gonna get
some sort of rub action here...

1416
01:14:06,960 --> 01:14:09,122
...or does the guy do all the work
in Africa?

1417
01:14:09,280 --> 01:14:10,770
Very funny, Mr. Moptopolis.

1418
01:14:11,160 --> 01:14:13,049
[LAUREN CHUCKLING]

1419
01:14:13,200 --> 01:14:15,441
But he's right.
Ladies, it's time for you to join in.

1420
01:14:15,880 --> 01:14:20,249
As your partner moves down
to your shoulders, reach out...

1421
01:14:20,400 --> 01:14:21,925
...and touch his ears.

1422
01:14:22,440 --> 01:14:26,286
Gently rub the lobes
between your thumb and index finger...

1423
01:14:26,480 --> 01:14:29,086
...as if you were rubbing the morning dew...

1424
01:14:29,240 --> 01:14:32,050
- ...off a flower petal.
- Uh-huh.

1425
01:14:32,200 --> 01:14:34,282
- Are these your flower petals?
- Yes.

1426
01:14:34,440 --> 01:14:36,966
- Now rub the dew. Ha, ha. Do the dew.
LAUREN: Heh.

1427
01:14:37,280 --> 01:14:41,524
I'd be doing you a really big favor if I just
yanked these goofy things right off.

1428
01:14:41,680 --> 01:14:44,445
Oh, just shut up, schlumpy shoulders.

1429
01:14:44,880 --> 01:14:48,089
- I do have schlumpy shoulders.
- No, you don't. They're very nice.

1430
01:14:48,240 --> 01:14:51,528
But you know what helps
if you need to work on your posture?

1431
01:14:51,680 --> 01:14:54,809
Here, just lift your arms a little bit.
Watch, I'll show you. Right...

1432
01:14:54,960 --> 01:14:58,043
[JIM YELLS THEN LAUREN LAUGHS]

1433
01:14:58,880 --> 01:15:00,211
JIM:
Feels very good.

1434
01:15:00,560 --> 01:15:03,006
LAUREN: You have nice shoulders.
- Really?

1435
01:15:03,160 --> 01:15:05,640
You really have a lot of muscle.

1436
01:15:05,800 --> 01:15:07,086
- Not as much as you.
- Heh.

1437
01:15:07,240 --> 01:15:09,891
From carrying that kid around
and smashing his head.

1438
01:15:10,040 --> 01:15:11,166
[BOTH CHUCKLING]

1439
01:15:11,360 --> 01:15:13,203
EDDY: Ugh.
GINGER: Oh, yeah!

1440
01:15:13,400 --> 01:15:15,880
Mr. Wernick.
Those are not your wife's shoulders.

1441
01:15:16,440 --> 01:15:17,965
Busted!

1442
01:15:18,760 --> 01:15:21,684
Loving it though. Respect the vision.
I get it.

1443
01:15:22,160 --> 01:15:23,650
- Gotta go for it, right?
- You do!

1444
01:15:26,280 --> 01:15:28,123
[LAUREN SIGHS]

1445
01:15:28,280 --> 01:15:30,248
Whoa.

1446
01:15:30,520 --> 01:15:34,286
Mm. That was so relaxing.

1447
01:15:34,440 --> 01:15:35,680
[LAUREN CHUCKLES]

1448
01:15:35,880 --> 01:15:38,531
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

1449
01:15:38,720 --> 01:15:42,520
I hope I put your pancreas
back where it belongs.

1450
01:15:42,800 --> 01:15:44,802
I don't even know where it is right now.

1451
01:15:44,960 --> 01:15:46,086
[JIM CHUCKLING]

1452
01:15:46,240 --> 01:15:49,767
EDDY: Are you my sexy little wormhole?
GINGER: Yeah, I'm your sexy little wormhole!

1453
01:15:49,920 --> 01:15:51,331
[GINGER GIGGLING AND EDDY LAUGHING]

1454
01:15:51,520 --> 01:15:55,969
[THUDDING THEN ALL LAUGH]

1455
01:15:56,440 --> 01:15:57,930
They have fun.

1456
01:16:01,480 --> 01:16:02,641
[CHUCKLES]

1457
01:16:04,560 --> 01:16:06,130
That's very pretty.

1458
01:16:06,280 --> 01:16:07,884
[BOTH LAUGH]

1459
01:16:11,680 --> 01:16:13,648
JIM:
You were very nice. Thank you.

1460
01:16:13,800 --> 01:16:15,643
Heh. Oh, you know.

1461
01:16:16,160 --> 01:16:19,289
You're a strong woman. Strong hands.

1462
01:16:19,960 --> 01:16:22,804
Mm. I'm glad you like my hands.

1463
01:16:27,000 --> 01:16:28,411
Daddy?

1464
01:16:28,600 --> 01:16:30,682
Can Lauren put me to bed?

1465
01:16:31,080 --> 01:16:34,482
Sweetheart, Daddy will put you to bed
in one second.

1466
01:16:34,960 --> 01:16:36,769
But I want Lauren.

1467
01:16:36,920 --> 01:16:40,402
Lauren...
Another time, Lauren will do that.

1468
01:16:40,760 --> 01:16:43,491
But I want her to put me to bed tonight.

1469
01:16:43,640 --> 01:16:45,051
And Daddy said no.

1470
01:16:45,440 --> 01:16:47,124
- Mm!
- No.

1471
01:16:47,280 --> 01:16:50,887
- Mm!
- No!

1472
01:16:51,080 --> 01:16:53,731
[LOW VOICE]
I want Lauren.

1473
01:16:55,480 --> 01:16:57,528
[LOW VOICE]
I'm flattered.

1474
01:16:58,960 --> 01:17:00,405
[JIM LAUGHS]

1475
01:17:00,560 --> 01:17:03,131
That's good. You're all right.

1476
01:17:04,400 --> 01:17:07,609
Okay. How's that?
Are you all cozy now?

1477
01:17:08,200 --> 01:17:09,440
Yes.

1478
01:17:09,640 --> 01:17:13,122
Daddy?
Can you give us some alone time?

1479
01:17:16,120 --> 01:17:19,966
I could go to the bathroom outside.
Is that what you want? You got it.

1480
01:17:20,400 --> 01:17:22,084
Thrown out of my own tent.

1481
01:17:22,840 --> 01:17:24,490
I own him.

1482
01:17:25,040 --> 01:17:26,530
It seems that way.

1483
01:17:27,240 --> 01:17:29,720
Can you rub my head
so I have good dreams?

1484
01:17:31,760 --> 01:17:33,330
Of course.

1485
01:17:36,040 --> 01:17:37,804
What a cute little head.

1486
01:17:38,840 --> 01:17:40,490
[URINE SPLASHING]

1487
01:17:40,640 --> 01:17:42,563
Ew.

1488
01:17:43,120 --> 01:17:45,964
Couldn't go a little further
from the tent?

1489
01:17:46,440 --> 01:17:50,286
What do you want from me? There
could be gorillas out here, ready to kill.

1490
01:17:50,760 --> 01:17:53,650
[URINE CONTINUES SPLASHING]

1491
01:17:57,320 --> 01:18:01,484
Well, why don't you get them to give you
some Flomax or something.

1492
01:18:01,640 --> 01:18:04,086
JIM:
Yep, getting older. I'll give you that.

1493
01:18:04,920 --> 01:18:06,843
Can you sing to me?

1494
01:18:07,240 --> 01:18:09,049
Um, sure.

1495
01:18:10,320 --> 01:18:12,049
What should I sing?

1496
01:18:14,320 --> 01:18:20,885
[SINGING]
Somewhere over the rainbow

1497
01:18:21,440 --> 01:18:25,081
BOTH [SINGING]:
Way up high

1498
01:18:25,720 --> 01:18:30,282
LAUREN:
There's a land that I heard of

1499
01:18:30,760 --> 01:18:35,641
Once in a lullaby

1500
01:18:36,040 --> 01:18:39,806
Someday I'll wish upon a star

1501
01:18:39,960 --> 01:18:46,127
And wake up where the clouds
Are far behind me

1502
01:18:47,120 --> 01:18:51,045
Where troubles melt like lemon drops

1503
01:18:51,240 --> 01:18:56,724
Away above the chimney tops

1504
01:18:57,160 --> 01:18:59,322
That's where

1505
01:18:59,480 --> 01:19:06,409
You'll find me

1506
01:19:35,200 --> 01:19:36,720
- There's a gorilla right there!
- Aah!

1507
01:19:36,760 --> 01:19:38,171
I'm just kidding! I'm sorry!

1508
01:19:38,320 --> 01:19:42,211
I'm sorry, I just couldn't handle how
emotional it was getting. I just... I'm sorry.

1509
01:19:42,360 --> 01:19:45,250
Get some rest.
I didn't mean to do that to you.

1510
01:19:45,560 --> 01:19:49,360
[CROWD CHATTERING INDISTINCTLY]

1511
01:19:49,520 --> 01:19:51,522
[APPLAUSE]

1512
01:19:54,360 --> 01:19:56,169
JIM:
So get in your stance. That's right.

1513
01:19:56,320 --> 01:19:58,800
And spread your legs just a little bit.
Like an inch.

1514
01:19:58,960 --> 01:20:01,042
Elbow up. It's all about balance.

1515
01:20:01,200 --> 01:20:03,646
That's right. That's right.
Keep your weight right there.

1516
01:20:04,120 --> 01:20:05,724
How do you even play cricket?

1517
01:20:05,880 --> 01:20:07,882
We're not playing cricket.
We're playing baseball.

1518
01:20:08,040 --> 01:20:11,362
The only thing at the hotel they had
was this stupid battle thingamajiggy.

1519
01:20:11,520 --> 01:20:12,567
Who's that guy?

1520
01:20:12,720 --> 01:20:15,803
He's some guy named Dale.
Uh, he'll be pitching to you.

1521
01:20:15,960 --> 01:20:17,883
Yeah, in cricket we don't pitch,
we bowl.

1522
01:20:18,080 --> 01:20:20,128
Hey, Dale.
How much am I paying you?

1523
01:20:20,280 --> 01:20:22,760
Five Brooklyn T-shirts
from your sporting goods store.

1524
01:20:23,000 --> 01:20:25,321
Okay, I'm gonna make it four
if you correct me again.

1525
01:20:26,040 --> 01:20:28,361
All right, Dale. Pitch...
Or bowl one in.

1526
01:20:31,120 --> 01:20:33,487
- I stink at this.
- No, it's not you. It's not you.

1527
01:20:33,680 --> 01:20:36,604
Dale, you think maybe you can reach
the plate? That would help.

1528
01:20:36,760 --> 01:20:38,967
Actually, in cricket we bounce the...

1529
01:20:39,800 --> 01:20:41,165
I'll try. I'll try.

1530
01:20:41,320 --> 01:20:43,971
All right.
Elbow up. Come on. Get there.

1531
01:20:46,520 --> 01:20:48,124
I don't wanna do this!

1532
01:20:48,320 --> 01:20:49,526
Hey. What are you doing?

1533
01:20:49,680 --> 01:20:52,411
You don't throw your bat.
Or whatever this thing is called.

1534
01:20:52,560 --> 01:20:54,164
- A bat.
- Thank you.

1535
01:20:54,320 --> 01:20:58,086
You're an athlete. You're a sportsman.
You gotta respect your equipment.

1536
01:20:58,640 --> 01:21:00,324
- Yes, sir.
- We ain't leaving here...

1537
01:21:00,480 --> 01:21:03,450
...till you hit the ball
as good as you ride an ostrich.

1538
01:21:04,240 --> 01:21:05,651
Pick up the bat.

1539
01:21:06,880 --> 01:21:09,929
Hey. I know you're up there all alone.

1540
01:21:10,080 --> 01:21:12,526
It's scary.
You feel like all the pressure's on you.

1541
01:21:12,720 --> 01:21:15,724
But guess what?
The pressure is on him.

1542
01:21:17,040 --> 01:21:19,281
Doesn't look like
he's feeling the pressure.

1543
01:21:22,160 --> 01:21:26,051
Oh, he's feeling it all right. He doesn't
think he can get the ball past you.

1544
01:21:26,200 --> 01:21:30,842
I want you to look him right in the eyes
and let him know you own him.

1545
01:21:32,600 --> 01:21:35,080
Go ahead.
That's it, big time.

1546
01:21:35,280 --> 01:21:36,486
Give him the stink eye.

1547
01:21:38,160 --> 01:21:39,810
[GRUNTING]

1548
01:21:39,960 --> 01:21:41,246
What's his problem?

1549
01:21:41,400 --> 01:21:43,448
Well, look at that. You rattled him.

1550
01:21:43,600 --> 01:21:46,604
Okay. Dale, pitch it in if ya got the guts.

1551
01:21:49,600 --> 01:21:51,170
JIM:
Whoa!

1552
01:21:51,360 --> 01:21:54,284
Yes! Did you see that? I killed it!

1553
01:21:54,440 --> 01:21:56,044
Let's do it a hundred more times.

1554
01:21:56,200 --> 01:21:59,090
If I hit like that, my dad's gonna start
coming to my games.

1555
01:21:59,240 --> 01:22:00,480
What's going on here?

1556
01:22:00,680 --> 01:22:03,286
Jim just taught me how to make
the pitcher my bitch.

1557
01:22:03,640 --> 01:22:04,846
Ah-ah-ah.

1558
01:22:07,120 --> 01:22:09,160
My brother doesn't need you
to teach him how to hit!

1559
01:22:09,280 --> 01:22:11,248
Okay. You wanna show him how to do it?

1560
01:22:11,800 --> 01:22:12,926
Let's see what you got.

1561
01:22:13,080 --> 01:22:15,242
I don't need to prove
anything to you, d-bag.

1562
01:22:16,200 --> 01:22:18,646
Dale, did he really
just call me a d-bag?

1563
01:22:18,920 --> 01:22:20,763
This shit just got real.

1564
01:22:22,320 --> 01:22:23,606
BRENDAN:
I'm gonna kill you.

1565
01:22:23,760 --> 01:22:26,730
Okay, we'll see. Let's get your gloves up.
Face protected.

1566
01:22:27,080 --> 01:22:28,366
Kick his ass, Brendan!

1567
01:22:28,520 --> 01:22:30,522
- What's that?
- Kick his ass, Jim!

1568
01:22:30,680 --> 01:22:33,160
Uh-huh. Whoa! Whoa, whoa.

1569
01:22:33,320 --> 01:22:35,209
You see, you gotta look at your target.

1570
01:22:35,360 --> 01:22:39,445
How about I put a picture of your babysitter
on my face? Will you look at it then? Huh?

1571
01:22:39,720 --> 01:22:42,200
- Oh, yeah, yeah.
- Just leave her out of this!

1572
01:22:42,360 --> 01:22:44,601
Use your right hand.
You're better with that one.

1573
01:22:44,760 --> 01:22:47,161
- All right, all right. Boom.
- Oh!

1574
01:22:48,280 --> 01:22:50,567
- You seem pissed at me.
- You just hit me!

1575
01:22:50,720 --> 01:22:53,644
No! Before that. Before that,
like when we first met.

1576
01:22:53,800 --> 01:22:57,771
- Just think that my mom could do better.
- First of all, she can't do better.

1577
01:22:57,920 --> 01:23:00,400
Because no one's better than me.
I am the greatest.

1578
01:23:00,560 --> 01:23:03,689
Secondly, I think it's nice
that you wanna protect your mommy.

1579
01:23:03,840 --> 01:23:05,126
I hate you!

1580
01:23:05,280 --> 01:23:08,170
Whoa, whoa, whoa. Calm down. Calm down.
That was good though.

1581
01:23:08,400 --> 01:23:11,244
Showing a little something in there.
Listen, being a man...

1582
01:23:11,400 --> 01:23:14,609
...ain't about pissing and moaning
anytime something's bothering you.

1583
01:23:14,800 --> 01:23:18,043
It's about dealing with what's
in front of you. So deal with me.

1584
01:23:18,720 --> 01:23:19,926
[GRUNTS]

1585
01:23:20,320 --> 01:23:21,401
Are you okay?

1586
01:23:22,720 --> 01:23:25,121
That was sneaky. But I'm fine.

1587
01:23:25,960 --> 01:23:28,361
Does that make me a man now, Jimbo?

1588
01:23:29,440 --> 01:23:30,521
No.

1589
01:23:30,680 --> 01:23:33,365
Asking me if I was okay, that was a start.

1590
01:23:34,880 --> 01:23:36,689
[SINGING]
They are blending

1591
01:23:38,880 --> 01:23:40,609
They are bonding

1592
01:23:42,200 --> 01:23:46,091
Yeah, that's great. Didn't know you guys
worked out together, but it makes sense.

1593
01:23:46,640 --> 01:23:48,404
When one person

1594
01:23:48,760 --> 01:23:50,524
Meets another

1595
01:23:50,680 --> 01:23:52,921
Come together

1596
01:23:53,480 --> 01:23:56,245
Oh, they are blending

1597
01:23:56,400 --> 01:23:58,926
[BED VIBRATING AND VOICES WARBLING]

1598
01:24:03,760 --> 01:24:05,728
And then what happened?

1599
01:24:05,880 --> 01:24:11,046
The bowler threw it,
and I hit it like a mile away.

1600
01:24:11,200 --> 01:24:14,044
Yeah. And then Jim taught me
how to box.

1601
01:24:14,200 --> 01:24:17,443
And after 5 minutes,
I basically knocked him out.

1602
01:24:17,600 --> 01:24:18,647
TYLER:
Yeah!

1603
01:24:18,800 --> 01:24:20,609
Well, that was nice of him.

1604
01:24:22,360 --> 01:24:24,886
Kind of worked out well,
they came on this trip.

1605
01:24:25,080 --> 01:24:27,811
TYLER:
Yes, it did.

1606
01:24:36,480 --> 01:24:37,561
[GASPS]

1607
01:24:43,720 --> 01:24:47,566
JEN: Lauren, you looked so hot in this dress,
I had to buy it for you.

1608
01:24:47,720 --> 01:24:49,563
And by "buy," I mean "steal."

1609
01:24:49,720 --> 01:24:51,529
Hope you're having fun on my vacation.

1610
01:24:56,000 --> 01:24:59,527
[BAND PLAYING JAZZ MUSIC]

1611
01:24:59,920 --> 01:25:04,323
So its tongue was ridiculous.
It got me, like, all over.

1612
01:25:04,480 --> 01:25:06,562
It was, like, in balls.
They were like:

1613
01:25:06,720 --> 01:25:09,929
BRENDAN: Like a stem going against each
other, head-to-head.

1614
01:25:11,000 --> 01:25:13,651
Dad. Did you comb your hair?

1615
01:25:13,800 --> 01:25:17,088
No. Got out of the shower like this,
I guess.

1616
01:25:17,240 --> 01:25:18,651
You took a shower?

1617
01:25:18,920 --> 01:25:22,083
I shower! I'm allowed to shower.
My God.

1618
01:25:22,240 --> 01:25:25,767
- I haven't taken a shower since we got here.
- I know. You stink. I love it.

1619
01:25:25,920 --> 01:25:27,251
Yeah, I stink bad.

1620
01:25:27,400 --> 01:25:30,643
Yeah, you stink real bad.
Your breath smells terrible.

1621
01:25:34,240 --> 01:25:35,526
Where's Lauren?

1622
01:26:12,120 --> 01:26:13,167
TYLER:
Wow.

1623
01:26:13,320 --> 01:26:15,687
- Look at Mom.
- Hello.

1624
01:26:15,840 --> 01:26:17,205
Dad! Say something to her.

1625
01:26:18,000 --> 01:26:20,731
Yes, yes. You look very, very nice.

1626
01:26:20,880 --> 01:26:23,326
Oh, well, thank you. You showered.

1627
01:26:24,080 --> 01:26:27,448
Am I really known as the non-shower guy?
I shower all the time, guys.

1628
01:26:27,600 --> 01:26:28,601
[MOUTHS]
No, he doesn't.

1629
01:26:28,760 --> 01:26:29,807
[JIM LAUGHING]

1630
01:26:29,960 --> 01:26:32,486
NICKENS:
Ladies and gentlemen...

1631
01:26:32,640 --> 01:26:34,529
...it's the final night...

1632
01:26:34,680 --> 01:26:39,208
...of our blended family experience
here in Africa.

1633
01:26:39,360 --> 01:26:41,601
[ALL BOOING]

1634
01:26:43,240 --> 01:26:46,483
Our tradition is to invite the kiddies
to the pool area...

1635
01:26:46,640 --> 01:26:50,008
...for our famous kids-only
safari buffet...

1636
01:26:50,160 --> 01:26:53,721
...and 10-foot chocolate
rain forest fountain!

1637
01:26:53,920 --> 01:26:55,206
Can we go, Dad?

1638
01:26:55,360 --> 01:26:57,727
All right, go ahead.
Stay with you sisters though.

1639
01:26:57,880 --> 01:27:00,486
My boy here's a chocoholic.
You better watch out.

1640
01:27:00,640 --> 01:27:04,440
Or he's gonna jump in and come out
looking like a handsome Hershey bar.

1641
01:27:04,600 --> 01:27:06,329
[EDDY LAUGHING]

1642
01:27:07,040 --> 01:27:08,530
Did you see that?

1643
01:27:09,000 --> 01:27:12,288
I made him smile. He tried not to
but he couldn't help himself.

1644
01:27:13,160 --> 01:27:16,289
- We're gonna be a great family.
- Yes, we are.

1645
01:27:18,040 --> 01:27:19,451
Love you.

1646
01:27:19,600 --> 01:27:23,286
All of the little ones have gone.

1647
01:27:23,560 --> 01:27:26,131
Tonight the dining room is:

1648
01:27:26,960 --> 01:27:29,042
Adults-only.

1649
01:27:29,480 --> 01:27:31,801
Yeah, now we're getting there.

1650
01:27:31,960 --> 01:27:35,169
Let's have all you blended lovers
on the dance floor.

1651
01:27:35,320 --> 01:27:40,531
[BAND PLAYING
"LOVE IS A MANY SPLENDORED THING"]

1652
01:27:45,800 --> 01:27:49,202
[SINGING]
Love

1653
01:27:49,360 --> 01:27:53,763
Is a many blended thing

1654
01:27:55,600 --> 01:27:58,524
It's the April rose

1655
01:27:58,840 --> 01:28:00,604
That only grows
In the early spring

1656
01:28:00,760 --> 01:28:01,921
It's crazy, huh?

1657
01:28:02,080 --> 01:28:03,241
The song.

1658
01:28:03,400 --> 01:28:06,882
He took the word "splendid"
and replaced it with "blended."

1659
01:28:07,040 --> 01:28:09,441
So clever. It rhymes!

1660
01:28:09,640 --> 01:28:12,246
But, the real word is "splendored."

1661
01:28:12,400 --> 01:28:14,129
So wouldn't it be "blendored"?

1662
01:28:14,680 --> 01:28:15,841
What's this now?

1663
01:28:16,000 --> 01:28:17,843
I'm just rambling. I'm sorry. What...?

1664
01:28:18,000 --> 01:28:20,571
- Heh.
- Are you ready, Mr. Chiapetolis?

1665
01:28:20,720 --> 01:28:23,200
"Chiapetolis"? All right. He finally got it.

1666
01:28:23,400 --> 01:28:28,361
- Heh. Ready for what?
- You scheduled a star-gazing experience.

1667
01:28:28,560 --> 01:28:29,686
So...

1668
01:28:30,040 --> 01:28:32,964
...Mrs. Chiapetolis,
would you like to come join me?

1669
01:28:33,400 --> 01:28:35,482
- Oh. Yeah.
- All right.

1670
01:28:35,640 --> 01:28:37,961
[BAND CONTINUES PLAYING]

1671
01:28:38,160 --> 01:28:41,482
Once

1672
01:28:41,640 --> 01:28:45,087
High on a windy hill

1673
01:28:45,640 --> 01:28:48,291
Or two hills, that's good

1674
01:28:48,440 --> 01:28:52,684
On a morning mist,
Two lovers kiss

1675
01:28:53,240 --> 01:28:55,004
Just a little bit farther.

1676
01:28:55,160 --> 01:28:56,969
- All right. Thank you.
- Okay.

1677
01:28:57,120 --> 01:28:58,406
[BOTH CHUCKLING]

1678
01:28:59,240 --> 01:29:00,844
MFANA:
Here we are.

1679
01:29:01,120 --> 01:29:02,804
Dinner for two.

1680
01:29:03,160 --> 01:29:04,241
JIM:
Oh, yeah.

1681
01:29:04,440 --> 01:29:05,566
Wow.

1682
01:29:05,720 --> 01:29:06,846
This is good.

1683
01:29:07,000 --> 01:29:12,086
I gotta give it up to Dick. He's probably
the most romantic guy on the planet.

1684
01:29:12,280 --> 01:29:15,011
Yeah, he's got the moves.
No doubt about it.

1685
01:29:15,240 --> 01:29:18,244
LAUREN: I bet this is where
he was gonna ask Jen to marry him.

1686
01:29:18,400 --> 01:29:19,447
JIM:
Maybe.

1687
01:29:19,600 --> 01:29:22,649
We were able to get everything
you asked for this morning...

1688
01:29:22,800 --> 01:29:26,521
...except the sticks of cheese
in the shape of a heart.

1689
01:29:26,680 --> 01:29:28,170
Cheese sticks?

1690
01:29:29,920 --> 01:29:31,365
Did you set this up?

1691
01:29:31,560 --> 01:29:33,005
I wanted a do-over.

1692
01:29:33,400 --> 01:29:35,004
For that first date fiasco.

1693
01:29:35,480 --> 01:29:36,766
I'm better than that.

1694
01:29:37,880 --> 01:29:40,451
[MFANA SPEAKING
IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE]

1695
01:29:43,120 --> 01:29:44,167
[IN ENGLISH]
Which means:

1696
01:29:44,640 --> 01:29:49,441
"Lovers long for the moment their souls
may blend in a whisper."

1697
01:29:49,600 --> 01:29:52,683
JIM: Mm.
- May this be your moment.

1698
01:29:53,560 --> 01:29:56,723
Did you eat pork chops...

1699
01:29:56,880 --> 01:29:59,121
...with tuna fish today at lunch?

1700
01:29:59,280 --> 01:30:01,521
- Yes, I did.
- I can tell.

1701
01:30:01,680 --> 01:30:05,765
Apologies. I will brush my teeth presently,
Mr. Lollipopolis.

1702
01:30:06,080 --> 01:30:09,084
I'd brush them twice.
And did you really call me "Lollipopolis"?

1703
01:30:09,240 --> 01:30:10,844
[ALL LAUGHING]

1704
01:30:11,000 --> 01:30:13,401
It's Theodopolis. Just for the record.

1705
01:30:13,560 --> 01:30:15,369
I know. I just like to have fun...

1706
01:30:15,720 --> 01:30:17,006
...Jim Friedman.

1707
01:30:17,160 --> 01:30:19,845
:a::;;?

1708
01:30:20,120 --> 01:30:23,408
- That was good.
- Thank you, Mfana.

1709
01:30:23,600 --> 01:30:25,204
[JIM CHUCKLING]

1710
01:30:25,360 --> 01:30:28,011
[NICKENS CONTINUES SINGING]

1711
01:30:30,600 --> 01:30:32,443
How about Thathoo
showing up everywhere?

1712
01:30:32,600 --> 01:30:36,241
They were in my shower this morning.
I had a very nice time with them too.

1713
01:30:36,600 --> 01:30:38,648
[BOTH CHUCKLING
THEN MONKEY GIBBERING]

1714
01:30:39,160 --> 01:30:41,811
There she is.
Oh, thank you so much.

1715
01:30:41,960 --> 01:30:45,169
Hey, Bubbles.
Nice wiggle, but you grew a tail. Ha-ha-ha.

1716
01:30:45,880 --> 01:30:47,370
Here's looking at you.

1717
01:30:47,520 --> 01:30:50,967
No, really. Looking at you, because
you're actually looking at me this time.

1718
01:30:51,360 --> 01:30:53,362
[LAUGHING]

1719
01:30:53,560 --> 01:30:54,800
You...

1720
01:30:56,280 --> 01:30:58,601
...have the most beautiful...

1721
01:31:01,400 --> 01:31:02,481
...kids.

1722
01:31:03,320 --> 01:31:05,846
- Oh. Thank you.
- Sure.

1723
01:31:07,360 --> 01:31:09,283
You're a great mom too.

1724
01:31:10,160 --> 01:31:12,640
You're a pretty good mom yourself.

1725
01:31:13,320 --> 01:31:14,606
I'll take that.

1726
01:31:15,200 --> 01:31:17,487
Tyler has a playoff game
on Saturday...

1727
01:31:17,640 --> 01:31:18,687
Yeah?

1728
01:31:19,080 --> 01:31:22,163
...and I think that...

1729
01:31:23,480 --> 01:31:30,045
...for the very first time, he won't actually
be completely dreading it, thanks to you.

1730
01:31:30,200 --> 01:31:34,091
Tell your... His father the more he works
with him, the more he's gonna get confident...

1731
01:31:34,240 --> 01:31:36,680
...the more he's gonna belt the ball
anytime he gets up there.

1732
01:31:36,840 --> 01:31:41,164
Yeah, well, his dad's not really
into working with him, you know...

1733
01:31:41,320 --> 01:31:45,962
...because to do that, he'd have to
show up, which he's just not good at.

1734
01:31:46,200 --> 01:31:48,328
You gotta show up for your kids.

1735
01:31:48,520 --> 01:31:52,002
It should be boring
how reliable a parent is.

1736
01:31:52,920 --> 01:31:56,686
It's funny to me
that some people don't get that. You do!

1737
01:31:56,840 --> 01:32:00,765
I mean, your kid needs to come
first 100 percent of the time.

1738
01:32:00,920 --> 01:32:02,888
Absolutely. 99 percent.

1739
01:32:03,120 --> 01:32:07,091
One percent of the time, I think we
are allowed to get what we want.

1740
01:32:07,240 --> 01:32:09,607
Aah. God.

1741
01:32:09,760 --> 01:32:13,082
I forgot what it was like
to want something.

1742
01:32:13,720 --> 01:32:18,408
I vaguely remember it feels good.

1743
01:32:30,000 --> 01:32:31,729
I can't do this.

1744
01:32:31,920 --> 01:32:34,082
I can't do this. I'm sorry.

1745
01:32:36,880 --> 01:32:40,123
I really... I'm... It's not you.

1746
01:32:43,720 --> 01:32:45,768
I thought I could do this. I just...

1747
01:32:46,600 --> 01:32:50,082
[BAND PLAYING "CARELESS WHISPER"]

1748
01:32:51,080 --> 01:32:52,809
Sorry about them too.

1749
01:32:55,480 --> 01:32:57,005
They're still awesome.

1750
01:33:04,080 --> 01:33:06,003
Sorry I did that to you.

1751
01:33:08,280 --> 01:33:10,123
JEN:
He didn't kiss you?

1752
01:33:11,920 --> 01:33:13,331
He's an idiot.

1753
01:33:14,080 --> 01:33:17,766
Although, you have to admit.
The monkeys playing the violins and stuff?

1754
01:33:17,920 --> 01:33:19,410
That is hilarious.

1755
01:33:19,800 --> 01:33:22,280
I can't believe that we both
found these great guys...

1756
01:33:22,440 --> 01:33:24,283
...and we're not gonna end up with them.

1757
01:33:24,440 --> 01:33:27,250
[PHONE RINGING]

1758
01:33:27,440 --> 01:33:28,885
Are you gonna get that?

1759
01:33:33,640 --> 01:33:35,768
Hi. It's not a good time right now.

1760
01:33:36,480 --> 01:33:37,561
[CHUCKLES]

1761
01:33:38,120 --> 01:33:39,406
I L word you so hard.

1762
01:33:39,560 --> 01:33:42,211
And you know what? I
am gonna make L word to you...

1763
01:33:42,360 --> 01:33:43,930
...for at least an hour and a half.

1764
01:33:44,080 --> 01:33:45,127
[GIGGLING]

1765
01:33:45,800 --> 01:33:46,881
Okay-

1766
01:33:50,080 --> 01:33:51,889
That was my mom.

1767
01:33:52,040 --> 01:33:53,610
And she's doing good.

1768
01:33:55,320 --> 01:33:57,721
All right.
I'm giving Dick another chance.

1769
01:33:57,960 --> 01:34:00,406
To do what? Get rid of his kids?

1770
01:34:01,680 --> 01:34:04,206
I'm gonna meet his children. Heh.

1771
01:34:05,120 --> 01:34:08,806
You should try saying that
without contorting your face so much.

1772
01:34:09,800 --> 01:34:12,087
I'm gonna meet his children.

1773
01:34:12,480 --> 01:34:14,562
Heh. Better.

1774
01:34:15,280 --> 01:34:16,805
I'm sorry about Jim.

1775
01:34:17,960 --> 01:34:19,246
Me too.

1776
01:34:29,400 --> 01:34:31,323
[SIGHS]

1777
01:34:44,040 --> 01:34:45,929
Why didn't you kiss her, man?

1778
01:34:47,760 --> 01:34:50,491
I couldn't. I just...

1779
01:34:51,640 --> 01:34:55,167
I was afraid
it wasn't the right thing to do.

1780
01:34:56,640 --> 01:34:59,086
What did Africa do to you?

1781
01:34:59,800 --> 01:35:01,211
[SOBBING]

1782
01:35:03,640 --> 01:35:05,608
JIM: That doesn't hurt. Stop.
LOU: Ow.

1783
01:35:06,120 --> 01:35:09,010
I'm trying my best. Just sit still.

1784
01:35:09,320 --> 01:35:11,846
- Does it look pretty?
- It looks fantastic. Yeah.

1785
01:35:12,000 --> 01:35:13,650
Yay.

1786
01:35:14,200 --> 01:35:16,089
Ha-ha-ha. No.

1787
01:35:16,960 --> 01:35:19,486
JIM: You look nice.
- Oh, thanks.

1788
01:35:19,640 --> 01:35:22,405
- Where you off to?
- Oh, I'm going on a date with Jake.

1789
01:35:22,560 --> 01:35:25,291
How can you go out with Jake?
He lives in Vancouver.

1790
01:35:25,440 --> 01:35:26,851
Hi, Mr. Friedman.

1791
01:35:27,000 --> 01:35:30,686
Yay there, Skeletor.
Listen, make sure plenty of beef.

1792
01:35:30,840 --> 01:35:32,683
Seriously. She's got tryouts this week.

1793
01:35:33,160 --> 01:35:35,766
Lamb chops, pork chops, tri-tips.
You got it.

1794
01:35:36,040 --> 01:35:37,769
That's the way.

1795
01:35:37,960 --> 01:35:39,530
Garbage twisties?

1796
01:35:39,680 --> 01:35:41,523
- I don't know how to...
- You're awful.

1797
01:35:41,680 --> 01:35:43,045
Just fix it then.

1798
01:35:43,200 --> 01:35:45,202
So when are we gonna see Lauren again?

1799
01:35:45,640 --> 01:35:47,608
Something happened between you guys.

1800
01:35:47,800 --> 01:35:50,121
No. What are you, crazy? Nothing happened.

1801
01:35:50,320 --> 01:35:52,482
Dad, come on.
I saw the way you looked at her.

1802
01:35:52,680 --> 01:35:55,286
- And I saw the way she looked at you.
JAKE: It's undeniable.

1803
01:35:55,440 --> 01:35:58,683
- You guys are infatuated with each other.
- Jake, butt out.

1804
01:35:58,840 --> 01:35:59,841
JAKE:
Sorry, sir.

1805
01:36:00,000 --> 01:36:03,686
Don't you guys have anything better to do
than look at people looking at each other?

1806
01:36:03,840 --> 01:36:05,888
Besides, what am I supposed to do?

1807
01:36:06,040 --> 01:36:09,044
Change our whole lives
just because I'm in love with her?

1808
01:36:11,240 --> 01:36:12,480
Yes!

1809
01:36:15,120 --> 01:36:16,849
Wow.

1810
01:36:17,040 --> 01:36:19,441
Aah! So romantic!

1811
01:36:19,600 --> 01:36:22,968
Loving it! Taking a risk. Go get her, baby!

1812
01:36:27,240 --> 01:36:29,607
I know I confused you.

1813
01:36:29,800 --> 01:36:32,690
I just had to make sure.

1814
01:36:32,960 --> 01:36:34,849
For my wife and for my kids.

1815
01:36:35,000 --> 01:36:37,685
And for your kids. And for you. And...

1816
01:36:39,000 --> 01:36:41,082
Just so we have no lies.

1817
01:36:41,240 --> 01:36:44,130
It was me who drank your beer at Hooters.

1818
01:36:44,280 --> 01:36:47,170
I don't know why I did that.
I get free beers there...

1819
01:36:47,360 --> 01:36:49,840
...so it was just panic then.

1820
01:37:00,200 --> 01:37:01,804
[DOORBELL RINGS]

1821
01:37:07,600 --> 01:37:08,681
Yeah?

1822
01:37:09,920 --> 01:37:12,082
This is 323, right?

1823
01:37:12,560 --> 01:37:13,766
Yeah.

1824
01:37:14,520 --> 01:37:16,249
I was looking for Lauren.

1825
01:37:16,880 --> 01:37:18,211
You and me both.

1826
01:37:19,040 --> 01:37:20,087
TYLER:
Jim!

1827
01:37:20,760 --> 01:37:22,728
Big time! Look at you!

1828
01:37:23,160 --> 01:37:25,447
Mom's not home. This is my dad.

1829
01:37:26,240 --> 01:37:27,241
Mark.

1830
01:37:27,640 --> 01:37:29,005
Yeah. Who are you?

1831
01:37:29,160 --> 01:37:30,889
Jim! The cool guy from the safari.

1832
01:37:31,520 --> 01:37:33,841
Do you wanna "bowl" me a few pitches?

1833
01:37:34,920 --> 01:37:37,241
I'm sure your father
wants to do that with you.

1834
01:37:38,200 --> 01:37:39,281
No, he doesn't.

1835
01:37:39,440 --> 01:37:42,046
No, no, no, no. Go get your bat, big time.

1836
01:37:42,400 --> 01:37:44,129
Hey! We can all play!

1837
01:37:44,280 --> 01:37:46,282
I'll get Brendan's glove. He never uses it.

1838
01:37:47,160 --> 01:37:49,731
Boy, he hasn't shut up about that Africa trip.

1839
01:37:49,920 --> 01:37:52,651
Your kids are incredible.

1840
01:37:52,880 --> 01:37:53,961
Yeah.

1841
01:37:54,120 --> 01:37:59,047
That's why Lauren and I are, you know,
trying to make things work again.

1842
01:37:59,200 --> 01:38:00,440
For them.

1843
01:38:01,680 --> 01:38:03,921
- I didn't know that.
- Yeah.

1844
01:38:04,080 --> 01:38:05,844
I'll tell her you came by.

1845
01:38:06,040 --> 01:38:09,203
And I'll put these in the bedroom...

1846
01:38:09,800 --> 01:38:11,768
...next to where we make love.

1847
01:38:14,960 --> 01:38:16,371
Okay-

1848
01:38:18,960 --> 01:38:21,611
Tell Tyler I said goodbye.

1849
01:38:25,120 --> 01:38:26,485
Where's Jim going?

1850
01:38:27,360 --> 01:38:29,089
He had stuff to do, I guess.

1851
01:38:30,280 --> 01:38:32,487
- Can you and me play then?
- Yeah, of Co...

1852
01:38:32,640 --> 01:38:33,687
[PHONE RINGS]

1853
01:38:33,880 --> 01:38:36,247
MARK:
Ooh. Saved by the bell.

1854
01:38:36,560 --> 01:38:38,130
Hey, what's up?

1855
01:38:38,680 --> 01:38:40,205
YOU busy?

1856
01:38:45,000 --> 01:38:47,048
[ENGINE STARTS]

1857
01:39:11,280 --> 01:39:13,567
- Hi.
- Oh, hi.

1858
01:39:13,960 --> 01:39:16,964
Is there a GQ photo shoot going on here?

1859
01:39:17,120 --> 01:39:20,442
Oh, no. I'm just, uh... I'm just chilling.

1860
01:39:21,000 --> 01:39:25,403
I'm sorry that took so long.
Thank you for watching after the boys.

1861
01:39:25,640 --> 01:39:29,201
I'm done now and I'm guessing
you have somewhere you gotta go so...

1862
01:39:29,400 --> 01:39:30,970
How do you always look so great?

1863
01:39:31,680 --> 01:39:34,889
Yeah? It's my
haven't-washed-my-hair-in-three-days look.

1864
01:39:35,040 --> 01:39:36,565
Thanks for noticing.

1865
01:39:36,720 --> 01:39:38,961
Heh. You're so funny.

1866
01:39:40,400 --> 01:39:42,721
It's hard for me to imagine you
with someone else.

1867
01:39:42,920 --> 01:39:45,400
Really? It wasn't hard for you
to imagine yourself...

1868
01:39:45,560 --> 01:39:47,562
...with someone else
when you cheated on me.

1869
01:39:47,720 --> 01:39:51,167
You always bring it back to that.
I could say, "Hey, look at that house."

1870
01:39:51,320 --> 01:39:54,244
And you'd say, "Oh, we lived in a house
when you cheated on me."

1871
01:39:54,400 --> 01:39:57,085
Or I could say, "Pass that pickle."
And you could say, I don't know.

1872
01:39:57,240 --> 01:39:59,766
Something about a pickle
and you cheating on me.

1873
01:39:59,920 --> 01:40:01,046
[CHUCKLES]

1874
01:40:02,280 --> 01:40:04,487
It's fun to laugh with you again, Lauren.

1875
01:40:04,680 --> 01:40:06,330
We used to do that all the time.

1876
01:40:06,720 --> 01:40:08,210
You brought flowers?

1877
01:40:09,640 --> 01:40:10,687
Yeah.

1878
01:40:13,440 --> 01:40:15,090
Why'd you bring flowers?

1879
01:40:15,560 --> 01:40:17,528
Because you deserve flowers.

1880
01:40:19,920 --> 01:40:23,481
Lauren, when you went away to Africa,
I did a lot of thinking.

1881
01:40:24,960 --> 01:40:28,646
You and I, we have so much history together.
Two boys.

1882
01:40:28,800 --> 01:40:29,961
One receptionist.

1883
01:40:30,120 --> 01:40:32,964
Look, I made a mistake!

1884
01:40:33,120 --> 01:40:36,090
You made it at least four mistakes
that I know of.

1885
01:40:36,240 --> 01:40:37,810
Made. Past tense.

1886
01:40:37,960 --> 01:40:39,803
I was a jerk.

1887
01:40:40,080 --> 01:40:42,606
Lauren, you were the best thing in my life.

1888
01:40:42,880 --> 01:40:44,086
You and the boys.

1889
01:40:45,600 --> 01:40:48,604
And boys need their fathers.

1890
01:40:49,320 --> 01:40:50,526
They do.

1891
01:40:51,000 --> 01:40:53,162
I know that I'm a good father.

1892
01:40:53,680 --> 01:40:55,409
I just need to prove it to them.

1893
01:40:55,560 --> 01:40:57,881
Well, you can! It's not too late.

1894
01:40:58,320 --> 01:41:00,084
Is it too late...

1895
01:41:00,280 --> 01:41:01,691
...for this?

1896
01:41:03,280 --> 01:41:05,760
What are you doing?

1897
01:41:05,920 --> 01:41:07,445
I'm coming home, baby.

1898
01:41:07,600 --> 01:41:10,285
Oh! Mark! Get off of me!

1899
01:41:10,520 --> 01:41:12,249
You don't live here anymore!

1900
01:41:13,480 --> 01:41:14,720
Is there someone else?

1901
01:41:14,920 --> 01:41:19,164
Heh. No.
And that's none of your business anyway.

1902
01:41:20,640 --> 01:41:22,608
You're interested in being a good father?

1903
01:41:22,800 --> 01:41:25,087
Tyler has a game on Saturday. Be there.

1904
01:41:46,320 --> 01:41:47,651
Dad?

1905
01:41:48,120 --> 01:41:50,202
[WHISPERING]
I didn't mean to wake you. Sorry.

1906
01:41:51,800 --> 01:41:53,802
I was talking to Mom before bed.

1907
01:41:54,840 --> 01:41:57,605
- Mm-hm.
- And...

1908
01:41:57,760 --> 01:42:01,401
...she says she has a lot of stuff to do.

1909
01:42:02,840 --> 01:42:03,887
She does?

1910
01:42:04,720 --> 01:42:10,011
Yeah. So she might not be able
to hang around as much.

1911
01:42:13,280 --> 01:42:14,725
Okay-

1912
01:42:15,120 --> 01:42:19,045
She also said you need to increase
my allowance to 5 dollars.

1913
01:42:20,040 --> 01:42:21,929
She's very generous.

1914
01:42:26,320 --> 01:42:27,685
I just...

1915
01:42:29,520 --> 01:42:30,567
[WHIMPERING]

1916
01:42:30,720 --> 01:42:33,087
I don't want her to disappear.

1917
01:42:33,880 --> 01:42:37,771
Sweetheart, she's never gonna disappear.

1918
01:42:37,960 --> 01:42:39,246
Never ever.

1919
01:42:40,040 --> 01:42:44,204
You can let her go.
She will always be right here.

1920
01:42:44,360 --> 01:42:47,603
And I will always be here. I promise you.

1921
01:42:47,960 --> 01:42:49,928
[SOBBING]

1922
01:43:00,280 --> 01:43:02,089
By the way...

1923
01:43:02,240 --> 01:43:04,527
...Mom loved the Africa trip.

1924
01:43:05,240 --> 01:43:06,685
So did I.

1925
01:43:10,360 --> 01:43:11,486
I miss her.

1926
01:43:12,200 --> 01:43:14,168
Your mother was the greatest.

1927
01:43:15,280 --> 01:43:16,884
I mean Lauren.

1928
01:43:20,480 --> 01:43:21,766
Me too.

1929
01:43:22,680 --> 01:43:25,445
We don't have to let go of her too, do we?

1930
01:43:26,080 --> 01:43:27,730
Come here.

1931
01:43:39,120 --> 01:43:41,885
Brendan, don't forget
that I'm picking you up for Scouts...

1932
01:43:42,040 --> 01:43:43,485
...so don't take the bus home.

1933
01:43:43,880 --> 01:43:46,724
Thanks for telling everyone
I'm still in Scouts, Mom.

1934
01:43:46,880 --> 01:43:49,281
You're a good boy. Be proud of who you are.

1935
01:43:52,280 --> 01:43:53,725
[MOUTHS]
Love you.

1936
01:44:12,880 --> 01:44:14,848
Say one word and you're dead.

1937
01:44:15,160 --> 01:44:17,322
You're driving a minivan.

1938
01:44:17,640 --> 01:44:19,005
It's Dick's.

1939
01:44:19,160 --> 01:44:22,323
I'm off to buy toilet paper
for Team Theodopolis.

1940
01:44:22,560 --> 01:44:26,007
When the team needs toilet paper,
the co-captain goes and gets it.

1941
01:44:26,160 --> 01:44:28,731
And believe me,
those kids never stop crapping.

1942
01:44:29,560 --> 01:44:31,289
Kids need to crap.

1943
01:44:31,440 --> 01:44:34,603
You need anything from Walmart?

1944
01:44:35,600 --> 01:44:36,647
I'm good.

1945
01:44:37,640 --> 01:44:40,644
- See you at the PTA meeting.
- Okay, foxy.

1946
01:44:45,960 --> 01:44:48,327
[CROWD CHEERING]

1947
01:44:51,680 --> 01:44:53,728
[CROWD WHOOPING]

1948
01:44:54,920 --> 01:44:57,161
Yeah! Base on!

1949
01:44:57,720 --> 01:44:59,927
This is so good, honey.

1950
01:45:00,080 --> 01:45:03,004
- This is family.
- This is fun for me.

1951
01:45:08,000 --> 01:45:10,480
- Way to go, Dad.
ANNOUNCER: One out to go.

1952
01:45:10,640 --> 01:45:13,803
But Standard Fence has a rally going.

1953
01:45:13,960 --> 01:45:19,205
Now batting, number 23, Tyler Reynolds.

1954
01:45:19,360 --> 01:45:21,362
[PLAYS OMINOUS TUNE]

1955
01:45:21,520 --> 01:45:24,683
- Hey, that's not nice!
- Shut up. That kid's awful.

1956
01:45:24,880 --> 01:45:27,167
Go Tyler!

1957
01:45:27,320 --> 01:45:28,560
Tracy.

1958
01:45:29,360 --> 01:45:31,169
What's your head doing here?

1959
01:45:33,920 --> 01:45:37,322
[CROWD SHOUTING INDISTINCTLY]

1960
01:45:51,600 --> 01:45:53,443
Strike one!

1961
01:45:53,840 --> 01:45:55,604
I'm so sorry Mark didn't show up.

1962
01:45:56,040 --> 01:46:00,204
He just doesn't get it, you know? Your kids
have to come first 100 percent of the time.

1963
01:46:00,560 --> 01:46:03,370
Well, like, 99 percent.
You get one percent for yourself.

1964
01:46:04,320 --> 01:46:05,685
- That's great news.
- Heh.

1965
01:46:06,080 --> 01:46:09,289
Well, no matter what,
you have to show up for your kids.

1966
01:46:10,400 --> 01:46:11,686
Like him.

1967
01:46:11,880 --> 01:46:15,202
- Hey, hey! All right, big time!
ESPN: Come on, Tyler!

1968
01:46:15,360 --> 01:46:17,044
JIM:
Looking good out there!

1969
01:46:18,880 --> 01:46:20,405
Get that elbow up!

1970
01:46:20,760 --> 01:46:21,966
Elbow up!

1971
01:46:22,320 --> 01:46:23,970
Incredible.

1972
01:46:29,600 --> 01:46:30,761
Come on, Tyler.

1973
01:46:33,240 --> 01:46:34,446
Strike two!

1974
01:46:34,600 --> 01:46:35,886
All right, all right!

1975
01:46:38,480 --> 01:46:41,563
Nice cut, nice cut. Slow it down a little bit.

1976
01:46:41,720 --> 01:46:44,724
Bend those knees. Balance, okay?

1977
01:46:44,880 --> 01:46:47,326
Take care of this. That's it.

1978
01:46:47,480 --> 01:46:49,403
Elbow up. Higher, higher.

1979
01:46:49,920 --> 01:46:51,684
Now, remember the stink eye.

1980
01:46:51,880 --> 01:46:52,961
[GROWLS]

1981
01:46:55,400 --> 01:46:57,687
The mustache is rattled.

1982
01:46:57,840 --> 01:46:59,171
Come on, Tyler, let's go!

1983
01:46:59,320 --> 01:47:00,810
Take them deep.

1984
01:47:06,320 --> 01:47:08,322
[INAUDIBLE DIALOGUE]

1985
01:47:14,440 --> 01:47:15,646
[SCREAMS]

1986
01:47:18,920 --> 01:47:20,001
You hit it!

1987
01:47:20,520 --> 01:47:22,124
Run, Tyler, run!

1988
01:47:22,280 --> 01:47:23,691
[LAUREN SCREAMING]

1989
01:47:27,000 --> 01:47:28,843
[ALL SCREAMING]

1990
01:47:30,200 --> 01:47:32,441
Keep going, brother! Go!

1991
01:47:33,480 --> 01:47:34,606
Go now!

1992
01:47:35,640 --> 01:47:37,529
Don't hesitate. Come, come!

1993
01:47:39,680 --> 01:47:41,489
Come to me, big time!

1994
01:47:41,680 --> 01:47:44,206
Go! Run to me!

1995
01:47:45,720 --> 01:47:47,290
Keep it going, Tyler!

1996
01:47:47,480 --> 01:47:49,289
We're going home, baby!

1997
01:47:49,720 --> 01:47:51,324
We're going home!

1998
01:47:51,880 --> 01:47:52,881
[TYLER GRUNTS]

1999
01:47:53,040 --> 01:47:54,201
Safe!

2000
01:47:54,400 --> 01:47:56,209
Yeah! Yes!

2001
01:47:58,520 --> 01:48:00,841
Do you believe in miracles?

2002
01:48:02,520 --> 01:48:03,567
[JIM WHISTLING]

2003
01:48:03,960 --> 01:48:05,405
Yeah! Whoo!

2004
01:48:05,600 --> 01:48:09,047
Yeah! That's my brother!

2005
01:48:09,640 --> 01:48:11,404
Ha, ha! Whoo.

2006
01:48:12,080 --> 01:48:13,411
Thank you.

2007
01:48:13,560 --> 01:48:15,927
All you in there, big time.

2008
01:48:16,440 --> 01:48:18,204
Oh, my God!

2009
01:48:19,360 --> 01:48:21,089
[KIDS GIGGLING]

2010
01:48:21,360 --> 01:48:22,691
What are you doing?

2011
01:48:23,640 --> 01:48:25,085
I love you!

2012
01:48:25,880 --> 01:48:27,723
That was amazing.

2013
01:48:27,880 --> 01:48:31,168
I'm so sorry to show up like this.
I was at your house the other day...

2014
01:48:31,320 --> 01:48:34,722
...and I saw your ex-husband blow off
Tyler when he wanted to practice.

2015
01:48:34,880 --> 01:48:38,009
I know you guys are trying to work it out,
but it broke my heart.

2016
01:48:38,720 --> 01:48:41,291
We're not working it out.
That's never gonna happen.

2017
01:48:41,720 --> 01:48:42,767
Really?

2018
01:48:44,520 --> 01:48:46,761
What were you doing at my house?

2019
01:48:47,160 --> 01:48:49,606
I came by to tell you that...

2020
01:48:51,120 --> 01:48:53,964
...I think it's okay now.

2021
01:48:55,000 --> 01:48:56,490
Okay for what?

2022
01:48:56,640 --> 01:49:00,247
Okay to have one of those
rare, rare moments...

2023
01:49:00,400 --> 01:49:02,129
...where we get what we want.

2024
01:49:02,560 --> 01:49:04,562
Oh.

2025
01:49:04,760 --> 01:49:06,444
Well, what do we want?

2026
01:49:07,320 --> 01:49:08,970
You know what we want.

2027
01:49:10,280 --> 01:49:13,648
Yeah. I think the kids want it too.

2028
01:49:14,160 --> 01:49:17,323
Not as much as I do there,
schlumpy shoulders.

2029
01:49:17,480 --> 01:49:18,811
[BOTH CHUCKLE]

2030
01:49:19,360 --> 01:49:20,850
Wait.

2031
01:49:21,640 --> 01:49:23,130
I can't do this.

2032
01:49:24,320 --> 01:49:25,321
You're kidding me.

2033
01:49:25,760 --> 01:49:28,809
Heh. Totally.
I just had to get you back for Africa.

2034
01:49:28,960 --> 01:49:30,041
Come on.

2035
01:49:39,960 --> 01:49:41,530
You know something?

2036
01:49:41,720 --> 01:49:43,802
Your mom is hot.

2037
01:49:43,960 --> 01:49:45,883
Your dad's pretty hot too.

2038
01:49:47,040 --> 01:49:48,485
Not hot.

2039
01:49:48,680 --> 01:49:50,808
[ALL CHUCKLING]

2040
01:49:50,960 --> 01:49:52,400
Come on, you deserve a nice massage.

2041
01:49:52,560 --> 01:49:53,846
[LAUREN LAUGHING]

2042
01:49:54,000 --> 01:49:56,321
- Ow! Oh, it's good.
- Come on, you like that.

2043
01:49:56,520 --> 01:49:58,761
- Oh, it hurts so good.
- Sorry.

2044
01:50:02,440 --> 01:50:04,124
[SINGING]
Look, they're blending

2045
01:50:04,320 --> 01:50:06,004
Hearts are mending

2046
01:50:06,200 --> 01:50:08,328
Sad times ending
Good times spending

2047
01:50:08,480 --> 01:50:09,686
With love

2048
01:50:10,280 --> 01:50:12,328
Kids are friending

2049
01:50:12,480 --> 01:50:13,686
Wedding trending

2050
01:50:14,200 --> 01:50:18,091
Blending, friending, blending, friending
Movie ending

2051
01:50:18,240 --> 01:50:20,208
[YELLS IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE
THEN LAUGHS]

2052
01:50:20,360 --> 01:50:21,600
[NICKENS SCREAMING]

2053
01:50:28,600 --> 01:50:30,648
[SPEAKING IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE]

2054
01:50:30,800 --> 01:50:35,249
[ALL SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY]

2055
01:57:06,640 --> 01:57:08,642
[English - US - SDH]