Reasoning

Reasoning

Anger
Relentless recurring rage
Hatred
And all directed towards my own self
I am stuck in a cage of my own making
Bound by my own natural patterns of existence
I am woven taut in my own web
I will but all for naught
Or is it
All that I am is but an afterthought of what I will be
All that I will be is but a consequence of what I am
This silloquy sillogy baffles and befuddles my bemused brain
What ever shall I become
What ever shall be my just reward
I fight and I flounder in this sea of sober solemnity
Ever wandering amidst this course that I have plotted for myself afore
Uncertainty is my salvation
But yet against it I struggle
Until there are no more teeth left in my gaping jaw to bare
The blood rains from my fingertips
As with each caress of the metallic spine I get nearer and nearer to that which will never be
Or has it been already
Or is it now
Onward I travel but to no avail
What has been done will be done again
To each thing under the sun there is no true end
Things come and things go but yet I still stand
Ever evanescent under the egregious epitome of effectual everlasting evisceration
I am cut and strangled
Bruised and battered and bereft
By my own doing
And my own two hands
What is there to gain that I do not already have
What is there to be that I have not already been
I yearn for liberation but all I get is another bullet in my veins
I bleed in silent agony
My heart wails asunder as it is pinned against the rigid doorway
Always ajar but always out of reach
I will continue to fight against uncertainty until my dying breaths
I know it is pointless
I know it is meaningless
But so are all things
So if I am to act
May it be without reason
Though I will eventually find the reasoning for it after all