Riff Raff Like Me - Magician Oneshot

~Riff Raff Like Me~

A Five Nights At Candy's Oneshot

NOTE: This story is built on a Bully/No Bully Voting Scheme. Final Results as of Writing are: 15 Bully/ 19 No Bully. You sappy faggots. Enjoy the romance.

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 It was two days after what was bar none the most humiliating day of the inky cat's life. She was only laying with a sheet covering her (the blankets were stained due to the occasional leaking from her two weeks of magical mishap) on a thin mattress too small for her on her traveling magic act wagon, which served more as a permanent residence for her these days given two wheels were kaput and she didn't have enough copper coin to buy new ones. She tried magic to fix it up before, that that just wound up gluing her fingers together for three days and she didn't look forward to risking that again.

	She was still very sore and tender, she tugged the sheet down a bit, enough to expose her over-stimulated chest to some cold, relaxing air seeping in through the window beside her bed. A paralyzed grin parted slightly to sigh at the pleasant sensation, her nipples were puffy, and the marks of five clenched fingertips were still bruised firmly around each breast. For a long while, bras would be out of the question. She had no right to complain, Anon was the only one that would still talk to her in Cattsville, and that he was willing to help at all was unexpectedly kind. It took about four hours and a lot of squeezing for the magic to fully drain out, and of course the jerk that wrote that particular spell forgot to list the fine print of 'Cannot be undone by the spell caster'. More than ever she began to feel that maybe 'Magic' wasn't the ideal career for her.

	Thanks to magic, she lost the legal right to station her wagon within two miles of Cattsville, had net no less than four restraining orders, and had jaw pain from hell thanks to her first ever spell- a botched spell to cure acne that instead treated her cheeks like silly putty and pulled, pulled, pulled. She had a dapper suit, but even that was no longer going for her when her last spell, a spell (cast entirely from idle curiosity!) to add a little meat to her B-cup sized breasts, didn't STOP adding to her and split the suit wide open. In public.

	It worked alright. Then didn't stop working.

	She didn't like to reflect on it, but it led to two weeks of hammering on Anon's door begging for help, and then to four hours of biting her tongue to avoid making the situation any more embarrassing with unwanted noises as he squeezed the ink out. Anon also charged her twenty coin for the service.

	She rubbed a glove-less palm over her forehead, her hair was ragged and unkempt, splaying this way and that way across the mattress and the table it rested on. She wasn't sleeping any time soon despite the moon hanging high against the night sky. With a wince, she sat up, and after fumbling a bit, found her thin-rimmed reading glasses and the magic tome on the desk by her bed. It was still dog-eared on 'Enhancing Sexual Characteristics! -NO STRINGS ATTACHED- Win Any Man You Want Easy with Two Simple Steps and a Signed Agreement for Small Collateral in Exchange on Caster's Demise!' With a huff, she tore the page out of the book and crumpled it. She had half a mind to toss the book out entirely. But she didn't. Truth be told she did owe Anon a favor. A big one. Most people would shoot her on sight after her failed performances lately, arguably justified in doing so. That said, Anon did help her out big time, and that was even after she lost his penis once (she did find it of course!) so that probably says a lot about his character.

  But what could she do? He told her to never talk to him ever again after he drained her back to normal size, but surely she couldn't just leave him like that, she owed him a big favor first. That said, what little money she had she'd already handed over, her wagon was pretty much worthless... She glanced at her magic wand, taped down the center like a pair of broken glasses.

	And she started idly flipping through her spell book. It was a habit by this point, until a certain little page caught her eye.

	"That... that would be perfect!" She beamed with glistening eyes, hugging the book tight to her chest, wincing, and setting it back down.

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	Knock! Knock!

 ....

  Knock-Knock-Knock-Knock-

	"Only one person every tries to visit me, go away."

	It was the response she expected. She'd come pretty early, about... five AM, before the toons that lived nearby would wake up for their morning howdy-dos and the like. It was for the best if she laid low for a while, beyond that, even with her hiding, a few of them had certainly saw her during her... condition, and she couldn't bare the thought of being called out on it again. She was standing before the quaint house of Oswald Carlton Badd, though given his very foreign name, he just went by Anon here. His mailbox read 'Badd, O.C.' and was bouncing up and down on loosely inked support structures, hungry for mail. The blinds were shut. While she tried to speak and eloquently with her syrupy prose as possible, her flustered state got the best of her, and she found herself stammering past the wooden door held shut tight.

	"P-please Anon, you did me a great service, I-I would love to make it up to you, provided you'll let me."

	"No way Freaky fred, not again, not ever. In case you've forgotten I lost my penis once thanks to you, and it was what, two months ago that your little fireworks show for the kiddies took out half of the festival grounds. You're not even legally supposed to be here. Go home, Cat. Shoo."

	"Wait-wait-wait, Anon please, I promise it'll be worth your time, I owe you-"

	"You paid me already."

	"Twenty copper is nothing, and I can't bare to be in your debt forever."

	"Then don't fucking worry about it. Go. Home. I'll call the police if I have to."

	She was starting to shake and her eyes were welling up, she didn't use to cry so much, she wasn't sure what event crossed that line and got her so emotional all the damn time. In any case, she had set her heart on really making Anon happy today. Nothing would go wrong, she was certain of it, she'd make up for everything; the lost penis fiasco, the balloon breasts, the time she accidentally turned his walls invisible while he was showering- all of it would be water under the bridge after this-

	"Anon, I beg you, at least show some respect to a lady's modesty, I'm too sore to wear my suit, that's why I left so early, all I have on is a sheet- you wouldn't send me back like this, would you? What if some hooligan were to spot me on the way home and- and-"

	The door opened to a very annoyed and irritable looking Anon. He was the only person in Cattsville remotely close to her height- though she still had about six inches on him. She always had the feeling that she was drawn for a different sort of cartoon altogether given how half the town barely met her hips in height. Her cheeks felt rosy and her eyes lit up, she was shocked to find that Anon wasn't up as early as usual, he looked like he'd just woken up, and was was wearing nothing short of a pair of dark green boxer briefs. His equipment was on display and it was an active battle not to peer down at the goods.

	"Get in and tell me what you want, then I'll drive you home. Christ." He grumbled as the catlike figure hunched forward, true to her word all she had on was a white sheet draped around her shoulders to cover her tender tits. And shorts of course, though instead of her thin, leg-hugging black pants she went with a pair of golden-yellow sport shorts. She went without the hat today. Despite attempting to freshen up, her hair and tail were still unkempt, clumps of 'fur' sticking out in strange places.

	"Okay, okay, thank you Anon, I just... Wanted to pay you back for helping me with my... strange predicament earlier." She couldn't make eye contact, there was a steel bucket by the door, emptied out but a few blots of ink still stained the rim. Her fingers fidgeted behind her back, she could swear she could see Anon stealing the occasional glance at her cleavage. It was most likely her dreaming too big for her own good, though truth be told, Anon despised this Magician, but her body was not too hard to look at. It was her creepy ass clown-grin that set it all off.

	Even then, when she somehow magicked her tits to balloon proportions, he taunted and teased her for a long time. Far more than even he could justify, it wasn't just to spite her for messing around with magic. The honest to God truth was somewhere in his heart of hearts, seeing her with puffy eyes, messy hair, and such swollen breasts just appealed to something 'man' in him. And that made him feel like a pretty big tool, that was the only reason he let her inside that day. Or at least, that's what he was telling himself.

  "You paid me. I'm doing just fine if you haven't noticed. I'm working at the lumber yard now, and haven't had an anvil drop near me all week. I don't need favors, now will you leave?"

	"... But- You're a man, correct? You had no opposition when I proposed sexual relations with you when we first met, no?"

	"When you lost my penis, yes. I do remember that."

	"Well yes- but I found it, a-and I even made it bigger for you, remember? I helped."

	Anon fumed internally. Yes, as an act of 'good will' she had successfully expanded his manhood a fair bit. Just not what he wanted, he still walked slightly uneven thanks to his left nut being almost twice as large as the other now. The Magician took his silence as permission to go on.

	"-And so I found a pleasure spell that will put you in absolute Heaven, I read it and thought of you, and I wanted to-" she whipped out a wand from the pocket of her shorts, barely in one piece, and went to wave it-

	"Nope."

	Anon snatched the wooden want from her hand the second it started to glow. She gave a yelp of surprise having her magical connection cut off. She reached instinctively, Anon held the tool behind his back, gesturing for her to back off.

	"I said no. No magic, you can't just- fucking cast spells akimbo on random people."

	"But it's a really, really nice spell! you'll love it, it'll make your-"

	"I don't doubt that's what you think. But no. Every time you do magic, someone gets fucked, and not in the way you intend. Why do you want to use me for your practice dummy anyways?" He crossed her arms after setting the wand on the table, he could tell from her eyes she wanted desperately to grab it back, but goddamn it, it was time to set some ground rules.

	"It's not like that... I just- You're the only person I can talk to and-" Her throat felt dry, her heart was thumping faster than normal in her chest.

	"-and I just want to return the favor, make you feel good... And magic is all I know."

	Anon clenched the bridge of his nose, his eyes went funny briefly as he analyzed what she said.

	"So the reason you keep jumping for all these nutso spells is because you want me to feel good?"

	"Yes..." She wanted to add more, 'The only reason I tried to give myself a finer chest was to get your attention in the first place.' but held back. Anon had enough time for his frustration to subside slightly, if only slightly. He gestured to the reclining seat in his living room. The Magician awkwardly shambled her long legs forward and took a seat, Anon brought a wooden chair from the kitchen to set across from her. It was Fall, and a small fire was aglow in the fireplace, giving a yellow glow to the Magician's otherwise black-and-white features. Her cleavage, while modest, was fairly defined by the light of the fire, and there was no denying that her almost spider-like legs had a curious appeal of their own. She was sitting on her tail, puffed out from between her legs.

	"So you want to make me feel good for whatever strange reason, and your first instinct is to jump into dark magic? Do you not get why that's a dumb idea?"

	"But magic is all I know-"

	"Oh my God. Lady. You're a woman, if you're so hung up over making up for your flubbed attempt at a one-night-stand back then, then maybe just do what nature intended?"

	She huffed, indignant. He was treating her like an idiot, she may not be the brightest cartoon to ever be inked, but she wasn't that ignorant.

	"Well excuse me, Mister Badd, but what am I supposed to do? Fellate you? In case you haven't noticed-" She flicked her teeth, the 'clack!' noise was a fine indication of how solid her whites were, "-I can't exactly do that properly with my condition."

	She was starting to tear up again- he didn't meant to this time, yet he hit a sore spot. It wasn't his fault, he didn't even mention her mouth. She just jumped to that conclusion. He stood up, a bit too abruptly, the cat jumped, her hair bounced with her.

  "I apologize, I've no right to be snippy with you after you've-"

	He didn't shut her up with a kiss. He wasn't that romantic. Also if she got into it was was afraid she'd accidentally Pac-Man his lips right off. Instead he settled for a finger and a shush. Her eyes crossed comically to the index finger a rubbing her lipstick up brushing against her heart-shaped nose.

	"If you can't use your mouth, then why not down here?"

	Given she was seated, he had the advantage of height this time. He was focusing on her shorts, which were hiked up high enough that every inch of her thighs were showing, just inches away from her-

	"Oh... um..." She trailed off, her cheeks growing hot past her ink-fur hybrid. A bead of sweat starting to collect on her forehead. Her throat caught when she realized Anon was growing stiff. She could feel heat tickling the back of her neck-

	"What? Isn't this what you've been pestering me over for so long?"

	"Well yes but-"

	"But what?"

	She took a deep breath, her fingers gripping into the cushion so hard the fabric was at the risk of ripping before confessing meekly.

	"Well... I've never actually done it before."

	"... What. Really?"

	More sweat, her nerves were failing her, especially given Anon wasn't backing away. At least he didn't immediately laugh at her.

	"Yes, really... In case you haven't noticed, I don't exactly have a pretty face, and I'm a ... screw-up in magic, so I'm not exactly what anyone would call a catch. I tried to use magic to get someone to take me just once, but..."

	Her eyes said the rest, Anon fell silent. She wasn't young by any means, he had no idea when she was first created and drawn into this world, but aesthetically she had to be pushing thirty if he went by human years.

	"-But it kept ending terribly, didn't it?"

	She nodded weakly. She flinched as a warm, hairless hand pressed past her cheek, holding her behind her ear. Prior experiences with toons in general had her perpetually ready to be smacked or shoved aside.

	She just sat rigid and submissive, unsure how to respond when the hand caressed her by the head, thumb-and-index-finger kneading along her ear. She was looking into Anon's eyes like a deer caught in his headlights, her grin not able to mask her nerves strained so tight she was about to pop like a balloon.

	"Then why not just try it naturally?"

	She felt his other hand slip behind her back, under the sheet, hot human fingers tracing along her spine, down- to her thin hips, air seemed harder to take in. She hadn't felt a gentle hand on her that wasn't her own in- Oh Hays, possibly never. She gasped as she felt pressure, he was pulling her hips forward to the lip of the cushion.

	'He's making me ... accessible.' She thought to herself, flustered and excited at the thought. By this point Anon's hands had drifted past her ear, she could smell his breath- musky and foreign as he planted a kiss on her nose. Were the situation not alien enough as it is he'd have planted one on what little of her lips he could as well. When he let go of his hold on her lower back (the temptation to give her ass a nice squeeze was hard to resist but she looked too vulnerable to feel right scaring so early on) she didn't scoot back.

	Anon kept planting rough wet kisses along her nose and forehead, exciting and new for the feline but not enough to draw her attention from where his hands were going. He had the elastic of his underwear in hand and was pulling them away. Her thighs quivered in anticipation as his cock flopped free from its cloth prison. It was strange, alien, slick with precum, ugly like all cocks tended to be, and she didn't know if it was her head or just her body that wanted to feel it against her.

	She couldn't chastise herself too much for such crass thoughts, she had been extremely lonely for a very, very long time.

	"So uh, you okay with this?" Anon tried to mask his own tension, she didn't need to know that yes, the only human in a town of cartoon animals also hadn't gotten laid a day in his life. Maybe he'd tell her one day. Most likely not.

	"Don't ask me that, I'm already nervous- just... take me." She'd heard the phrase used in smutty romance novels, she half-expected him to laugh at her, but he didn't. Thank the Warner's for that. He stopped feeling her hair and through lulling lids she watched two arms make their way down- avoiding her aching breasts, but taking their time rubbing past her slender tummy to her shorts. She could feel the heat she'd been building up vent free as he peeled her shorts away. His cock twitched- she was in a hurry to get there, there was nothing beneath them.

	Her pussy was thick and puffy, welcoming is what Anon would call it, ready to hug his cock from all angles. He had to remind himself that she'd never done this before.

	"I'll try not to be too rough." He lied, his heart jack-hammering like a quarterback on prom night, She struggled through her muddled head to respond, distracted by how close the tip of his alien cock was to her sex.

	"-D-don't be too worried, I've played with myself before..." He gave her a once-over, if her face wasn't as red as it could be then, it was now. "... Roughly. I'll be fine."

	He got the message, trying to mentally block the images coming in, he was already excited enough as it is. No need for a condom, he guessed, she was a cartoon and a fox or cat or something besides.

	Gloved fingers found their way around his hip, squeezing into his skin tight as he slipped inside of her- it only took a couple seconds to maneuver himself inside of her, parting her lower lips- if her regular ink-coated skin was soft and smooth already, she felt like pulsing, squeezing pillows from inside. Anon moaned, the Magician joined him as she felt him stretching her- filling her. Her tail ruffled beneath her, her pussy was starting to dribble onto her tail.

	He slid out of her slowly, every ridge and bump of his cock sending sparks up the Magician's spine, which happily arched against his manhood reflexively. She was in no hurry to disobey her body at this point.

	Schlick-

	He was in again, to the hilt, slow to leave yet quick to pound inside of her. She moaned, her voice smooth and encouraging. Her smile was a minor detail to the way her pupils lulled at the top of her lids, her muzzle scrunching up when Anon's cock would tremble and she'd tighten herself around him like a sweet, loving vice.

	Shlurp- Schlick- Schlurp-

	Anon's groan, a Magician's moans, and the lewd smacking of lovemaking at the edge of a dark red, stained reclining chair. The Magician's hair spilled over the arms of the chair onto the floor, looking bedraggled and strangely dazzling all the same. Her whole body was giving off her natural musk of cedar wood and flowery perfume, her eyes would glance down to take in the reality of Anon's cock (willingly!) fucking her. He was picking up the pace, and she found her hips rocking with every thrust.

	"Oh! Anon, I- I think I-"

	"You can't be cumming yet."

	"Oh- n-no." She bit her lip, best to enjoy the ride. She was going to say 'I think I love you'.

   Anon had crossed arms with her, squeezing her ass with unnecessary force, savoring how soft she was, pulling her closer and closer into each thrust, savoring her insides. If she weren't so self conscious that he was worried she'd think he was punishing her, he'd have spanked her.

	So he played gentle, by the time the rhythmic wet smacks had gotten as fast as they could be, she couldn't handle supporting her head anymore, laying against his chest, her hair tickling his chin. Her moans were higher pitched, her voice less syrupy and warm, more frantic, she was close, the way her sex convulsed and gripped spoke that more than she ever could. His cock was soaked down to his balls and every thrust he had to tense every muscle he had down below to keep from filling her to bursting with his own seed. Her tail was struggling to wag despite being pinned beneath her ass and where the action was happening.

	"Anon- I really am going to-"

	"Yeah. Just let it go."

	That was the last exchange they had, no cries of "I love you" or "You feel so good" or any of that romantic schlock, just panting, moans, and sharp gasps for air as the humping got faster- each thrust more vigorous than the last, her legs wrapped around his hips and held him when her head had gone light and she knew they were both at their limit. Anon squeezed her ass tight, using what little room he had left to give three more hard thrusts before his cock grew heavier than before, the light as his balls got their wonderful release, and with a series of strong pulsing pleasure he filled the cat's pussy to the limit with his hot, milky cum.

	The Magician could feel herself being filled with the sticky concoction, she could smell the manly musk of his cum trying to leak from inside her. She weakly tried to tilt her hips with it, to keep every bit of Anon's essence inside of her where she could keep it. Feel it. Feeling Anon's stiff cock starting to slowly, slowly lose its solid form, yet still locked cozily inside of her. She kept her legs around him while he rose his hands to her back, pinning her to his chest while the last of his seed leaked inside of her.

	There weren't any words spoken, neither could find any. Anon didn't say anything about the mess of their fluids on the chair as he crawled next to her, wrapping a strong arm around her shoulders as she wrapped her legs around his own- her forehead against his chest, her cold nose being tickled by the hair on his chest- as the two fell asleep in the recliner far too small for either of them.

	The Magician's broken magic wand watched from the table in the connecting kitchen.

										The End.