Thread 8: Stories 165-179

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>Chrysalis
"SA"
~~~~~

>Aaaannd, viola!

"...I don't get it, what happened?"

>My wings!

"Oh, I see, you folded them up weird. It looks like a little star on your side. Kind of neat."

>Yep! The signature move of second cousin twice removed Mayfline!

"... That's it?"

>...Yeah.

"She could fold her wings to look like little stars. That's her big thing."

>Uh huh. Funny thing is, she was so uh... unfocused, I guess would be a nice way to put it, that she forgot how to use her disguises after she figured this out.

"You don't say."

>Yeah.

"...How'd she die?"

>She ate a Ursa Major.

"Really? Was it infected with something?"

>How am I supposed to know? I didn't look at it. We were too busy running from the pissed off super bear she had just bitten a chunk out of.
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>Applejack
"Rarity"
~~~~

>Hey, Rar, I saw yer' new cake budget, an' Ah' jus' have ta' double check an' make sure ya' didn't leave off a zero or tw-LAND'S SAKES!

"Oh, isn't it marvelous darling!?"

>Wha... yer', like... like small now! Wha' happened!? Ah' mean, ya' ain't SMALL small, but yer' at least one baby whale shorter than ya' were before.

"Isn't it just fantastic?"

>How? Ah' thought the liposuciton thing didn't work thanks ta' yer' alicorn magic.

"Oh, marvelous little assistance from our dear resident bug monsters. Chrysalis came up with it, and I'm considering marketing it! Point is, I'm on my way to my slim, lithe figure!"

>...Well, ya' ain't quite down ta' non-hippo size, but it's a start.

"Baby steps, darling, baby steps."

>Sug, ain't no step you make ever gonna be compared to a baby. Unless it's a giant baby.

"Oh you!"

>...Also noticin' yer' backside is pretty... big.

"Oh, that was intentional. Partly because I didn't want any of those little things getting near my pride and joy, and partly because I've found I have a bit of an, shall we say, attachment to it. I had them avoid that mostly."

>...

"Feel free to look, Darling, I don't charge admission."

>Ah' ain't lookin'!... That much. So what're ya' plannin' ta do now?

"Oh, let's just say I'm focusing on my favorite... Charities.... Mwahaha.... Ahahah....AHAHAHAHAH!"

>...Like, raisin' money fer' orphans or somethin'?

"AHAHAHHAHAH!"

>Rar? Rarity? Yer' scarin' me.

"AAAAHHHHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!"
~~~~
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>Applejack
"Celestia"
~~~~~

>Princess! Ah' jus' got word that a giant demon thing ran out of tartarus! We've gotta-

"Twilight already took care of it."

>...Oh.

"Something wrong?"

>No, it's just... it's weird ta' be on this side o' things. Where some big evil world endin' threat pops up, and ya' just wait fer' someone else ta' fix it.

"Makes you feel kind of like a side character, doesn't it?"

>A little...

"At last, I can welcome you to my life."
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>Spike
"AJ42"
'Diamond Tiara'
-Twilight-
[Charity]
~~~~~~

-We're almost there to Apploosa. I can see it up ahead.-

'...you know I'm not sure how I feel about Princess Twilight being a part of our group.'

-What? Why?-

'You weren't really a part of our club in the first place.'

"...Strangely, I agree. You being here is a bit odd."

-Spike, you don't feel the same way do you?-

>Uh...well-

[They're just unsure about the disruption of their status quo, dear. It's been the 4 of them for a while now and they're just used to it.]

-...then can I join the club?-

'Ahhhh...yeeeeah um...I don't know if...'

"You see, our interests aren't really catered to...um"

-Spike, I can join right? We're the A-team.-

>Uhhh...

[Hey! There's a really weird cloud cluster above Apploosa. I'm willing to bet that's where the robot factory is. ]

-Then let's take her in.-
The Highwind makes it's way into the clouds. After a minute the Highwind slams into something solid and skids on to the deck of a giant airship.

-Bumpier landing than I expected, but it's confirmed that they really are here and haven't left yet. Spike send the letter to Princess Celestia.
Spike burns a letter with his fire breath.
>Now we should scout the area and wait for-

42 runs out the door.
"IT'S PUNCHING TIME!!!"

DT rushes out with an arsonal of weapons on her back
'DIAMONDS ARE FOREVER BITCHES!!!'

Spike charges out.
>FOR EQUESTRIA!!!

-Or you guys can do that...-

Some time after they go their separate ways, Spike spots some pegasi unloading parts into the factory. He clenches his teeth and begins loading hollow points into Charity.

[Spike...are you sure you want to do this?]

>...no mercy for sedition.

[...then point me at who you want dead.]
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>Celestia
"Applejack"
~~~~~~~

>What do you MEAN their economy just suddenly spiked!?

"Ah can't explain it mahself, ponies 'er jus' flockin' towards it like honeybees to a pile o' nectar. Their tourism is takin' off like crazy.

>We must investigate, TO THE CELESTIA ROCKET!

"...Ya'll have a-"

~~~~~Minutes later~~~~~

"That was the dumbest thing ever!"

>Did you want to get here safely or quickly?

"SAFELY!"

>Too bad! Should have kicked me in the face harder... Wow.

"...Celestia, pinch me."

*SMACK!*

"AH' SAID PINCH!"

>This was more fun. But yes, you are in fact, seeing what looks to be a massive... what do you call those tube things that come out of a hamster cage?

"Tubes?"

>That doesn't sound right. Point is, I am seeing a LOT of those. And ponies rolling through them.

"..."

>...OUT OF MY WAY YOU APPLE OBSESSED KNOW IT ALL!

"MOVE IT SUNBUTT!"

>I'M RIDING NEXT! PRINCESSES ORDERS!

"AH' NEVER LISTENED TA' YA' ANYWAY!"

~~~~Much, much later~~~~

>So, what did we learn?

"Ya'll fight dirty when ya' want yer' way? The sand in the eyes was jus' uncalled for."

>That's right. Now... same time tomorrow?

"Damn straight. Refill the Celestia Rocket, Ah' ain't waitin'."

>Good girl.
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>Canary Gem, Mining Safety Specialist
"Crags McChisel, Forepony"
'Pops, Demolitions Expert'
-------

"Alright ponies, clear the shaft! Pops, are all the charges armed?"

'Nyeheh! Plug 'em in, plunge it down, lights 'n joy for all the town! Heh …'

Forepony McChisel shot a worried glance at the short, yellow unicorn beside him.

>That usually means "just about", boss.

"If you say so. I tell ya, I shouldn't trust a crazy mustang with explosives -"

>- any further than you should trust a snobby unicorn with the safety of expendable earth pony workers, right?

"C'mon Canary, don't be like that…"

>I know you don't mean it, Crags. Just go easy on him, okay? I worked with him on the Manehattan sewer projects. He's a good soul, just likes his entertainment very … loud.

He'd started out relying on her expertise to keep him and his team from burying themselves in a cave-in. Lately he'd started to rely on her impossibly big heart to keep him from putting his hoof in his mouth around the immigrants that were flowing into the kingdom.

Changelings and griffins and crystal ponies, oh my! McChisel mentally kicked himself for that - it wasn't fair to good honest pony- and otherwise-folk who were just trying to get by in the best kingdom on Celestia's green earth.

Just like it wasn't fair to introduce him to this kind, crazy, fearless little mare years after his settle-by-date.

McChisel was jostled aside and out of his brooding as Pops came skittering out of the darkness, grinning like a madpony aorund the bar of his plunger detonator.

'Giddyup! Gon' be a-havin' m'lil dollin' de-byew-tarn't doin'a lil'tippity-tappin' fer' th'gawker's in 'bout a baker's dozen, kajigger!'

"And that usually means-?"

>TAKE COVER!

They barely had time to duck around a corner before a sequence of ear-splitting cracks and booms thundered from the depths of Shaft 5-North.

In the middle of the smoke and dust and angry screams of splitting rock danced Pops, jigging and giggling madly along in time with the explosions.

As soon as the sound died down, Canary Gem peeked around the corner and started down the smoky corridor.

"Gneiss Guy, you and your team start clearing the rubble. The rest of you, start working on the struts. Don't go past this bar until Canary gives the green light."

Leaving the other miners to their tasks, he ducked under the barrier and picked his way over the rubble after the gleam of Canary's horn.

"How's it looking down there? Is it safe?"

>Yep, the fractures look safe as houses - and whaddya know? I was right again! We broke into some kind of chamber here.

"Heh, what a shocker. Drinks on me again, I guess."

>You gotta learn not to bet against my talent, Crags… Aw, crud! This crack is too narrow, I gotta leave my helmet.

"Just be careful, ok? I don't wanna explain to Mr Fawntaine that we lost his mining safety specialist because she ditched her hard hat!"

>Relax, I've been bumbling through caves since I was three … hey, I can hear water!

"An underground stream here? I thought the nearest one was way up under Canterlot!"

>You know, it might be the same river … those things go on for miiiiaaaiiEEEE!

McChisel heard a slipping sound and a series of muffled shouts and crunches, and felt his heart freeze. He saw the emerald glow of her horn flicker and wink out.

"Canary? Gem, what happened? GEM!"

He threw himself at the crack and cursed his bulky earth pony body for not fitting through the narrow, slanted crevice. Curse all his ancestors and their hoof-laborer genes! They could all shovel coal in Tartarus for eternity for all he cared, as long as Gem was trapped on the other side.

"CANARY GEM! Are you okay in there? Come on Gems, you aren't … You can't die, I-"

A rasping breath echoed out from the darkness.

"Gem, you're alive? Oh, sweet, sweet Celes-"

>DON'T- *cough* I, uh, don't worry about me. Just took a nasty fall.

"You sure you're okay? You sound a bit-"

>I'm fine, Crags. I'm coming out, there's nothing in here.

"Really? But you thought we'd hit seams of-"

>No! Nothing here, just water and … darkness. Now let me out!

"Uh, okay. I'll tell the guys to block off this shaft, then we're calling it a day. You just get topside and get some air, all right?"

A few of the miner ponies noticed Canary Gem walking somewhat unsteadily up toward the mine entrance, but thought nothing of it.

None of them saw her flinch and shiver when she stepped out into the light of the setting sun. Nopony but Pops, who was setting up the cider keg for shift's end over by the office shack. He grinned toothlessly at her and started pouring her a frothing mug of Old Gold.

'Heee, lil' filly kajigger! Ya'gotsa lookin' 'sif'th digger-dogger gon'bitcher fly-smacker clean arf! Bet'cha bitty birdy boneys bit o'glug'll turn yer mug!'

Pops presented the mug, beaming widely.

Canary slowly took it, staring blankly.

>What did you say?

Pops' grin vanished immediately, and it didn't return even as the rest of the team filed out of the mines and joined them around the fire, sharing cider and songs and shaking off the dust with a jig or three.

He planted himself by the dynamite locker and sat there, muttering to his plunger and shooting black looks through the flames at Canary.

"Hey, you forgot this."

Canary tore her eyes from the dancing ponies to look at the helmet McChisel had dropped by her side.

>Oh. Thanks.

"Say, Gem … you really had me worried back there."

>Why?

"Wh- I heard you fall! That damn crunching and … the water … you could have cracked your skull, or drowned, or both! I can hardly believe you didn't break anyth-"

>Nothing happened. I … am a mining safety specialist. You shouldn't worry about me, mr McChisel. Sir.

He stood, gaping, frantically replaying her cool dismissal in his head and trying to decide what to say. What to feel.

Eventually she turned her calm gaze away and donned her hard hat.

>If you'll excuse me, I think I had too much cider.

She left the dumbstruck stallion and staggered away around the corner of the storage barns.

The cider was really a very handy excuse. Without that around she would have to pay close attention to her movements.

She didn't know why, but it seemed very important.

Little flashes of green played across her back and neck as she corrected her appearance.

She felt inexplicably relieved that the bright orange safety vests they all wore concealed the spiny growths sprouting from the chitin around her shoulders and upper spine, and that her bushy coral-red mane neatly camouflaged similar spines on her scalp.

Her face and limbs took more concentration to maintain, so staying calm and collected would be key.

Some internal voice told her that remaining undetected would be very, very important.

A scratching noise nearby made her flinch, but it was only her own hoof scraping at the rim of the hard hat, where the initials and employee number were stenciled with scuffed black paint.

A little more scratching at the 4, and only CG 88 remained.

Another, very small voice told her that this was also right.

The other voice told her that this bathroom break was getting suspiciously long, so Canary donned her hat again and went back to join her friends and coworkers.

Her many, good friends and coworkers, from all over Equestria.

It seemed to Canary Gem to be the right thing to do.
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Epilogue: just after 77 met Cheese Sandwich.

-77-
[Cheese Sandwich]
------------

They had searched the dusty streets of Appleloosa for a good hour and not seen hide nor hair of anypony.

77 sighed. So they would need to start knocking on doors ... He'd hoped to corner somepony out in the open; start banging on ponies' doors and they might get the wrong idea about the vicious bug monster invading their porch.

One more sweep of the station house, and then door-knocking.

The train he'd come in on was just getting ready to leave. The conductor was ticketing a gaggle of dusty miners who were climbing aboard.

Two carts ... dust hanging in the still air over the wheel tracks ... 77 sniffed tentatively. Yep. Cider, lots of it. These ponies were not local, or he would have heard - and smelled - them a mile off.

He decided against keeping these working ponies from their weekend trip to town and began to turn away -

------

Cheese Sandwich caught up with him a ways down the railroad tracks, staring after the receding train.

[Hey buddy! Did you wanna get back on the train already? I thought you were here to speculate on land?]

-I- Yes. You're right.-

77 steadied himself with a deep breath and got to his hooves.

[Are you alright? You look as though you've seen a ghost!]

-Just thought I saw ... someone I knew. But that's not... -

[Ooo! A friend from Canterlot? Fancy!]

-No, well ... not exactly.-

77 cast a final look at the train, and squeezed the knife in his pocket.

-Anyway, I was mistaken. Let's go, mr Sandwich. We have work to do.-
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~~~~~~
Day broke over the Crystal Empire, and it dragged on as usual. Cadence dismissed her duties, Eighteen picked them up for her, Two and Sombra played a single player game of Ogres and Oubliettes, Chrysalis bothered Shining Armor as he set about his paperwork, and servants, crystal guards and crystal ponies went about their day.

“Rubbing my buuuuutt on Shiny’s papers!” The changeling queen sangsong. “I’m rubbing my ass all on them!”

Shining Armor, in question, just rolled his eyes and groaned. “One of these days, you will get a rectal papercut and I will laugh and cram a lemon up there.”

Suddenly, Chrysalis stopped, her eyes going wide, her ears drooping.

“Well, looks like it’s time to get some lem-” Shining armor was harshly pulled up to Chrysalis’ eye level.

“Get Cadence, Eighteen, EVERYONE! Get them and get them all out! NOW! Empire qide evacuation!”

“Wh-why? This is another prank, right?” He sincerely hoped so, such gravity from the queen was unnerving.

His hope was for not.

“THE ROBOTS ARE HERE!”

And beyond the arcadian environs of the Crystal Empire’s shielded settlements, beyond the whining noise of the new klaxon sirens, in the snowy wastes, large, behemoth machines crushed anything in their way, from all angles they drove in, slowly but surely and inside each behemoth, a thousand robotic soldiers, armed to the teeth, remained on standby, controlled by a distant master who watched this with a smile.

The first step to restoring Canterlot and Equestria’s glory: eliminate the changeling influence as well as the jackdaw which dared to rise above it.
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>Applejack
"Celestia"
_________

>Princess! Ah' jus' got word that a giant demon thing ran out of tartarus! We've gotta-

"Miss Cheerilee's already on it."

>Right! We need to gather up the others an'... whoa. What?

Celestia sauntered over to the window with Applejack close behind and pointed with one of her gilded hooves.

“Look just over there and see for yourself. Alicorn vision is a truly wonderful thing at a time like this.”

>Okay, Ah’m lookin’… Ah’m lookin’… Ah’m lo- there’s no way Ah’m seein’ this right.

“Oh, but you are.”

>Nuh-uh.

“Yuh-huh.”

>Y’all mean she’s…?

“Indeed. I must say, after bearing witness to that, it’s given me a deeper respect for Miss Cheerilee.”

>By deeper respect ya obviously mean a deeper abject fear, right?

“Of course.”

And the two princesses continued to silently observe as, miles away at the gaping maw known as Tartarus, Miss Cheerilee stood at its edge, waving a hoof scoldingly at what looked to be a huge, fiery red demon with curled black horns. Alicorn vision didn’t help much with hearing but they watched as her lips moved in a nagging fashion until the demon gave a grimace and began to sink back into the hell it had attempted to crawl out of.

>Great gallopin' zap apples, Ah'm buckin' speechless....

"Ditto."
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>Twilight
"77"
'42'
~~~~~
"Captain..."

'We need to talk.'

>Well, as a princess and captain of this team, I'm happy to answer any and all questions you might have.

'Why is the Highwind's galley stocked with nothing but burgers, fries, and chocolate shakes?'

>...

"You do understand that even in the worse scenarios, one needs to maintain a balanced diet to avoid malnutrition."

>Of- Of course I do! And the hayburgers, fries, and shakes are- They're all specially, nutritionally balanced to meet dietary needs! Trust me! I'm a scientist! ... And a doctor-

77 and 42 continue to glare at Twilight

>Okay, I got a craving when I wrote the food order, you don't understand what alicorn cravings are like, when you want something, you need it like having a million ravenous babies inside of you! And those babies are actually your blood cells crying out for hayburgers!

"Ugh... So... we assign Spike as quartermaster?"

'He's done good work with Applejack so far."

>NOOOOOO! TWILY NEEDS HER HAYBURGERS! I'll do anything! I'll name both of you captain! Come baaaaaaack!
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>Twilight
"Spike"
~~~~~
>Spike... Be honest... Have I done nothing but hurt ponies with my inventions and experiments?

"Well... You haven't just hurt other ponies. But you know what? Sometimes we hurt others a little so we can do better later. I hurt ponies, a lot, to stop them from hurting a lot of others in the long run."

>You know, that's not that comforting, but I'll take it.

"I'm always here for you, Twilight."

>Still my number one assistant.

Twilight kisses Spike. on the lips.

"Uh, that was-"

>Hey! That was platonic! P-purely platonic! Don't get any ideas in that big head of yours. I mean you've grown up a lot but you're still like a little brother to me and nothing more.

"Great, I gotta admit, I think I'm too young for a harem like Shiny's."

>Definitely! Blegh!

Later that night, Twilight lays awake in her bed. Thinking of Spike. And her.

>FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF-!!!!!!!

DECLARED NON CANON BY AUTHOR
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--

>"Cleaning my deeeesk! Cleaning my deeeeesk!"

"Cleeeeaning Charity! Cleeeeeaning Charity."

>"Supah dupah cleeeeeanin!"

"Polishing the baaaarrel."

>"Polishing Spike's baaaaaarrell."

"..."

>"OH! Sorry! Slip of the tongue, totally did not mean to say that! R-really!"

"Eh, it's fine."

~Later~

>"Thereisnodragonpenis, thereisnodragonpenis, thereisnodragonpenis..."

Suddenly, thoughts of sexy Spike enter her mind, naked and dancing.

>"CELESTIADAMMIT!"
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"Pinkie"
>Applejack
'Celestia'
~Luna~
[Rarity]
{Twilight}
-Fluttershy-
_Discord_
+Cadance+
*Chrysalis*
-------------
"Just another day in the life of Pinkie Pie, cake deliverer extraordinare"

>Did I hear cake

"Yes AJ, on a delivery to the Crystal Empire

>That's an awful long way to go for a delivery, how about you just leave it here. I'll take care of it.

"Nope, gotta make sure it gets to the customer" and with that she happily trots off

~Well, well. The Pink one has cake. For us we presume~

"No, silly"

~But we can give you whatever you want for it. Money? Power? Stallions?... Mares?~

"I already got paid"

Celestia comes flying down the hall full speed. 'CAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAKKKKKKKKKKEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!'

"Eep, I'm out"


"Finally at the train station. One ticket to the Crystal Empire please"

[Why of course darling, that comes to 1 cake]

"Why is everyone after my cake today" runs off towards the train

The back cars of the train detach and magic brings them forward to make makeshift legs for the train.

{GIVE ME THAT CAKE PINKIE!} the train mecha chases Pinkie through Canterlot

"Never, I know. I'll just use my warping powers to get there"

-Get her Discord, I want that cake.-

_Gladly, my dear Fluttershy_

"What, between dimensions too? This is getting a bit ridiculous. Warp powers out."


"Almost there finally. Just one more door"

Cadance pounces on Pinkie, sending the cake flying

"+Oh no! My cake!+"

Doors burst open and Pinkie barely catches the cake

*Oh good, just in time for my movie*

"Heh... Just another day in the life of Pinkie"
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>SA
"Chrysalis"
~~~~~~

>Alright, blow me away.

"Would love to, now lean back so I can-"

>With your trick.

"Well, I don't want to call it that, but if that's what gets you going-"

>Your stupid Changeling power!

"It is not stupid, BEHOLD!"

>...What happened?

"Can't you see? I grew!"

>No you didn't.

"Hold on... normal... grew!"

>Oh, yeah, you did grow like, half an inch. That's kind of useful... are you okay?

"F-fiiine."

>You look like you're in a LOT of pain.

"It kind of stings a bit, not going to-

*CRACK!*

"AAAH! MY LEG!"

>Holy shit! Are you okay!?

"NO I'M NOT OKAY!"

>Growing half an inch makes you really brittle? Why do it!?

"I thought you were into taller mares!"

>...On second thought, I don't hear anything.

"What!? SHINY!"

>Is that the wind? I should close my window.

"OH FUCK YOU!"
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