API tools faq
paste
Advertisement
Frostlust

NewsTicker.java (mobile)

Frostlust
Nov 16th, 2019
16,852
0
Never
Add comment
Not a member of Pastebin yet? Sign Up, it unlocks many cool features!
text 152.83 KB | None | 0 0
raw download clone embed print report
  1. package kajfosz.antimatterdimensions;
  2.  
  3. import java.util.Random;
  4.  
  5. import kajfosz.antimatterdimensions.achievements.AchievementTimers;
  6. import kajfosz.antimatterdimensions.achievements.Achievements;
  7. import kajfosz.antimatterdimensions.notation.Notations;
  8. import kajfosz.antimatterdimensions.time.Time;
  9.  
  10. import static kajfosz.antimatterdimensions.BigFunctions.B_10;
  11. import static kajfosz.antimatterdimensions.BigFunctions.B_190;
  12. import static kajfosz.antimatterdimensions.BigFunctions.B_1_8E16;
  13. import static kajfosz.antimatterdimensions.BigFunctions.B_2E6;
  14. import static kajfosz.antimatterdimensions.BigFunctions.B_500;
  15. import static kajfosz.antimatterdimensions.BigFunctions.B_5E307;
  16. import static kajfosz.antimatterdimensions.BigFunctions.B_5E4;
  17. import static kajfosz.antimatterdimensions.BigFunctions.E6;
  18. import static kajfosz.antimatterdimensions.BigFunctions.E80;
  19. import static kajfosz.antimatterdimensions.BigFunctions.B_1;
  20. import static kajfosz.antimatterdimensions.BigFunctions.B_0;
  21. import static kajfosz.antimatterdimensions.BigFunctions.INFINITY;
  22. import static kajfosz.antimatterdimensions.Format.format;
  23. import static kajfosz.antimatterdimensions.Format.shortenMoney;
  24. import static kajfosz.antimatterdimensions.Format.shortenRateOfChange;
  25. import static kajfosz.antimatterdimensions.achievements.Achievements.Achievement;
  26. import static kajfosz.antimatterdimensions.dimension.InfinityDimensions.InfinityDimension;
  27. import static kajfosz.antimatterdimensions.eternity.studies.NormalTimeStudies.TimeStudy;
  28. import static kajfosz.antimatterdimensions.player.DeviceOptions.bottomButtonsOption;
  29. import static kajfosz.antimatterdimensions.player.Player.player;
  30. import static kajfosz.antimatterdimensions.shop.AdBonus.getAdBonus;
  31. import static kajfosz.antimatterdimensions.shop.IAP.iap;
  32.  
  33. class NewsTicker {
  34.  
  35. private static Random rnd = new Random();
  36.  
  37. private static String getMessage(int index) {
  38. switch(index)
  39. {
  40. //always true
  41. case 0: return "Antimatter Dimensions: the next update is always 5 hours away. Always.";
  42. case 1: return "The cookie is a lie.";
  43. case 2: return "Antimatter cookies have been confirmed to not exist. Whoever claims that, stop.";
  44. case 3: return "Antimatter ghosts do not exist. Just like matter ghosts. They don't have any matter, for that matter.";
  45. case 4: return "Nuclear power plants have been abandoned in favor of antimatter power.";
  46. case 5: return "Antimatter prices have drastically dropped due to newfound abundance.";
  47. case 6: return "In the news today, humans make an antimatter sacrifice to the antimatter god.";
  48. case 7: return "You made one antimatter! Whatever that means.";
  49. case 8: return "Scientists confirm that the colour of antimatter is Blurple.";
  50. case 9: return "How does it matter if it's antimatter?";
  51. case 10: return "None of this matters.";
  52. case 11: return "IN THE END, IT DOESN'T ANTIMATTER -hevipelle";
  53. case 12: return "How does NASA organise a party? They planet.";
  54. case 13: return "Electrons are now seeing the happy things in life. We're calling these happy electrons 'Positrons.' Wait, that's taken?";
  55. case 14: return "This completely useless sentence will get you nowhere and you know it. What a horrible obnoxious man would come up with it, he will probably go to some PEGI-3 appropriate place, and why would the developer even implement it? Even if you kept reading it you wouldn't be able to finish it (the first time).";
  56. case 15: return "GHOST SAYS HELLO -Boo-chan";
  57. case 16: return "Can someone tell hevi to calm down? -Mee6";
  58. case 17: return "Due to Antimatter messing with physics, a creature that was once a moose is now a human.";
  59. case 18: return "!hi";
  60. case 19: return "Alright -Alright";
  61. case 20: return "The English greeting is not present in Antimatter speak.";
  62. case 21: return "To buy max, or not to buy max, that is the question.";
  63. case 22: return "This antimatter triggers me.";
  64. case 23: return "No, mom, I can't pause this game.";
  65. case 24: return "Scientific notation has entered the battlefield.";
  66. case 25: return "Make the Universe Great Again! -Tronald Dump";
  67. case 26: return "#dank-maymays";
  68. case 27: return "A new religion has been created, and it's spreading like wildfire. The believers of this religion worship the Heavenly Pelle, the goddess of antimatter. They also believe that 10^308 is infinite.";
  69. case 28: return "Someone has just touched a blob, and blown up. Was the blob antimatter, or was the guy made of Explodium?";
  70. case 29: return "This news will not stop at this station. Please wait for the next news.";
  71. case 30: return "Rate 5 on Google Play so more people can experience this 5 star Rating.";
  72. case 31: return "BOO!";
  73. case 32: return "You ate for too long. -Hevipelle";
  74. case 33: return "I hate myself. -Boo-chan";
  75. case 34: return "To see a world in a grain of sand, And a heaven in a wild flower, Hold Infinity in the palm of your hand, And eternity in an hour.";
  76. case 35: return "Above us, there is nothing above, but the stars, above.";
  77. case 36: return "If black lives matter, do white lives antimatter?";
  78. case 37: return "Somebody wasn't nice, he got an antimatter-storm.";
  79. case 38: return "You are living, you occupy space, you have a mass, you matter... unless you antimatter.";
  80. case 39: return "I tapped too fast... my phone is now dematerialized.";
  81. case 40: return "If an alien lands on your front lawn and extends an appendage as a gesture of greeting, before you get friendly, toss it an eight ball. If the appendage explodes, then the alien was probably made of antimatter. If not, then you can proceed to take it to your leader. -Neil deGrasse Tyson";
  82. case 41: return "There always must be equal matter than there is antimatter, I guess your mom balances that a bit";
  83. case 42: return "Nothing is created, nothing is destroyed.";
  84. case 43: return "We dug a big hole to store this antimatter... Adele's rolling in it.";
  85. case 44: return "If everything is antimatter, how can you see yourself?";
  86. case 45: return "The stock markets have crashed due to antimatter beings somehow knowing what they will be tomorrow.";
  87. case 46: return "My dog ate too much antimatter, now he is doing 'meow!'";
  88. case 47: return "If you put Infinity into your calculator it will result in 42!";
  89. case 48: return "You have found the rarest antimatter pepe, it's ultra rare!";
  90. case 49: return "Can we get 1e169 likes on this video??? Smash that like button!!";
  91. case 50: return "The smell of antimatter has been revealed. It smells like kittens.";
  92. case 51: return "Just another antimatter in the wall.";
  93. case 52: return "GET SNIPED, WEAKLING!";
  94. case 53: return "Thanks a lot -Dankesehr";
  95. case 54: return "This world situation is a SOS situation to the world!! MAYDAY, MAYDAY!!";
  96. case 55: return "As for sure as the sun rises in the west, of all the singers and poets on earth, I am the bestest. -hevipelle";
  97. case 56: return "I'm good at using github -Hevipelle";
  98. case 57: return "A new chat server has been created for Antimatter people to spy on Matter people, and the world has fallen into chaos and discord.";
  99. case 58: return "A new study has come out linking the consumption of potatoes with increased risk of Antimatter implosion. Scientists suggest eating more.";
  100. case 59: return "I thought that I fixed that bug but apparently some update broke it again -hevipelle";
  101. case 60: return "Maybe I'm stupid then -Bootato";
  102. case 61: return "Breaking news! Hevipelle has just announced that the buy max button is in fact going to be removed!";
  103. case 62: return "I dedicate this game to my girlfriend.";
  104. case 63: return "Antimatter guns don't kill antimatter people, antimatter people kill antimatter people but does that mean that antimatter toaster doesn't toast antimatter toasts, antimatter toast toasts antimatter toasts?";
  105. case 64: return "But to an antimatter person, wouldn't they be matter and us antimatter?";
  106. case 65: return "And nothing Antimatters";
  107. case 66: return "School starting up strikes fear in students universe-wide, as schools are no longer segregated between Matter and antimatter. Annihilation is prominent.";
  108. case 67: return "Why does no one talk about the 0th dimension?";
  109. case 68: return "The fatter catter satter on the antimatter.";
  110. case 69: return "Who let the DOgs out?";
  111. case 70: return "If you can't read this you disabled the news.";
  112. case 71: return "Doesn't leave, just mutes the server so he doesn't receive notifications.";
  113. case 72: return "Most quotes found online are falsely attributed -Abraham Lincoln";
  114. case 73: return "It should work now, but it doesn't -hevipelle";
  115. case 74: return "This game doesn't have any errors... they're alternative successes.";
  116. case 75: return "A third type of matter has been discovered: null matter. It doesn't do anything and is basically useless. The scientists who discovered it were fired.";
  117. case 76: return "Your Mother-in-Law keeps nagging you about all these antimatter colliders.";
  118. case 77: return "If matter exists, then does antimatter not exist?";
  119. case 78: return "Antimatter=Life. Not cobblestone, not dirt, nothing like that. Antimatter.";
  120. case 79: return "Breaking News: Error Error Error";
  121. case 80: return "How much antiwood could an antiwoodchuck chuck if an antiwoodchuck could chuck antiwood?";
  122. case 81: return "Chaos isnt a pit, chaos is a matter.";
  123. case 82: return "That's because I'm a good game developer and pushed some code that totally works -hevipelle";
  124. case 83: return "What's the matter with antimatter?";
  125. case 84: return "Doesn't it annoy you when people don't finish their";
  126. case 85: return "Don't anti-quote me on this";
  127. case 86: return "Antimatter is honest, matter makes up everything.";
  128. case 87: return "According to no known laws of aviation, there are multiple ways a bee should be able to be swallowed up by antimatter.";
  129. case 88: return "You either die as matter or live long enough to be consumed by the antimatter, and then die again.";
  130. case 89: return "If you gaze long enough into the antimatter, the antimatter gazes back into you.";
  131. case 90: return "Always gonna give you up. Always gonna let you down. -Anti-Rick Astley";
  132. case 91: return "Is an antimatter elevator a descenderator?";
  133. case 92: return "#DimensionLivesAntimatter";
  134. case 93: return "Do antimatter people with suicidal thoughts get depressants?";
  135. case 94: return "To matter, or to antimatter, that is the question.";
  136. case 95: return "Why is everything so Hevi?";
  137. case 96: return "It has been scientifically proven ages ago, that cats made of matter are unpleasant. We have good news, because cats made of antimatter are still unpleasant.";
  138. case 97: return "Nobody once told me the anti-world wasn’t gonna roll me";
  139. case 98: return "Antimatter is like internet. If you're reading this, you can't have enough of it.";
  140. case 99: return "Antimatter has made time travel possible and I'm here to make the past great again. -2nd President of the World";
  141. case 100: return "Please insert Disc -1 to continue playing Antimatter Dimensions ™.";
  142. case 101: return "Lore - coming soon ™";
  143. case 102: return "I was a part of antimatter like you once. But then I got matter in my knee.";
  144. case 103: return "Antimatter... antimatter never changes... until you get to quantum physics of antimatter, but we don't have enough Tachyon Particles for that.";
  145. case 104: return "There is no war in Antimatter Dimensions. Here we are safe. Here we are free.";
  146. case 105: return "Antimatter has solved global warming. In unrelated news, the Earth no longer exists.";
  147. case 106: return "Anti-water, anti-Earth, anti-fire, anti-air. Long ago, the four anti-nations lived together in harmony. Then, everything changed when the anti-Fire Nation attacked. Only the anti-Avatar, the master of all 4 anti-elements could bring balance to the anti-world, but when the world needed him most, he accidentally touched some regular matter and exploded.";
  148. case 107: return "If you open an anti-lootbox, are you selling random possessions for in-game currency?";
  149. case 108: return "People are beginning to question Hevipelle's existence.";
  150. case 109: return "Antimatter Dimensions is proud to be sponsored by Lehmä! Now offering - grass eating lessons! Learn what grass is safe to eat and what grass isn't.";
  151. case 110: return "It is the year 2422. The update still isn't out. Hevi is working on balancing unfunity dimension dimensions and challenges for the 38th layer of prestige. There are over 100 rows of achievements. They're getting ready to start using breaking_breaking_breaking_infinity.java";
  152. case 111: return "Import Christmas for a secret theme";
  153. case 112: return "REDACTED";
  154. case 113: return "So I've pondered this question for a long time. Antimatter Dimensions... what does it mean? I mean it's game, that's clear. You buy the first dimension, and it gives you antimatter, and the second dimension provides more first dimensions and so on... But what does it mean? It can't just be a game, it seems too plain for that. The developer must have made it as a metaphor. I was doing my daily ritual of watching an ad before sleep, when finally the realization came to me. The dimensions are just thinly veiled misspellings of the word 'depression'. Regular matter are the cruel and negative thoughts that add to and fuel depression, while antimatter is the positive thoughts and good friends that dispel it. You start off with something simple, and it fights almost imperceptibly against the depression, but as you keep going the fight builds. But it never seems to fix everything. The depression seems like it could go on to Infinity. So you keep going. But eventually, you figure out, depression isn't infinite. It's just very very large. But your 'dimensions' eventually, with enough work, make enough 'antimatter' to usurp that seeming Infinity of depression. Then the possibilities are endless. You are actually happy for once, and your happiness grows exponentially as you go beyond and seemingly 'break' the 'Infinity' of depression. And you go on until that 'Infinity' seems tiny in comparison to the happiness you've managed to achieve in your life, where if you reset you get over that Infinity in less than the blink of an eye. If you want to know what the multiple layers of prestige are...'Dimensional Shifts' are getting new things and methods to give you happiness. 'Dimensional Boosts' are upgrading the things and methods. Examples would be getting a new car being a 'Dimensional Shift' and trading that car in for a new one would be a 'Dimensional Boost'. 'Eternities' are major tragedies such as a loved one dying. That lapse brings you straight back to the beginning, with seemingly no hope of return. But with time, you grow back stronger and happier than ever before. 'Dimensional Sacrifice' is moving away. You have to give up a lot of the things you had that made you happy, but there is new opportunity in where you move to. And that new opportunity gives you more happiness than you ever had. 'Tickspeed' is how easy it is to make you happy, and 'Time Dimensions' make it even easier to be happy. Antimatter Dimensions is a metaphor for a depressed man's successful battle against his illness.";
  155. case 114: return "(Make me sleep) Put me to sleep inside. (I can't sleep) Put me to sleep inside. (Leave me) Whisper my name and give me to the dark. (Make me sleep) Bid my milk to stay. (I can't fall asleep) Before I become done. (Leave me) Leave me to the nothing I've become.";
  156. case 115: return "A preview of the next update - loot boxes! Feel a sense of pride and progression as you open cosmic, galactic, and universal lootboxes for chances at rare skins, unique challenges with uniquer rewards, time skips and even new dimensions!";
  157. case 116: return "The intent of dimensions is to give a sense of pride and accomplishment";
  158. case 117: return "Refreshing cures cancer";
  159. case 118: return "I have a 9th, i have a dimension... UHH... IT DOESN'T EXIST!";
  160. case 119: return "Since when did we start reporting stuff like this? Half of it isn't even proper news, it's just jokes and meta-references, it doesn't even make sens-HAHAHA DISREGARD THAT-";
  161. case 120: return "The year is 1944, Hevipelle can't release updates for AD because he doesn't exist.";
  162. case 121: return "\"THAT DIMENSION DOESN\'T EXIST\" -GhostBot";
  163. case 122: return "Most things you know as nuts are actually Drupe seeds or Legumes. Hevipelle on the other hand is quite crazy and can thus be considered a dry uncompartmented fruit.";
  164. case 123: return "Finland declares that it's starting to import Cancer";
  165. case 124: return "All this importing is making me Confused";
  166. case 125: return "Only today you can call 1-800-ANTIMATTER and get a FREE Infinity Dimension! The package also comes with a COMPLETELY FREE SHIPPING and a FREE HIGH DEFINITION ANTI-V!!! Only today for the low price of 42! Estimated delivery time - 5 hours.";
  167. case 126: return "1e420 blaze it.";
  168. case 127: return "This game doesn't have any bugs, you're just doing it wrong.";
  169. case 128: return "Antimatter_Dimensions.mp1.79e308";
  170. case 129: return "https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dQw4w9WgXcQ";
  171. case 130: return "Tap this to unlock a secret achievement.";
  172. case 131: return "Warning - We have just been informed that there is a chance of infection with a mind-virus of the Basilisk type, similar to the infamous winking parrot. This particular example is known as 'Fractal Cancer Type III'. This is believed to cause a 'crashing' of the mind, similar to a computer crash, due to the mathematical complexity of the image causing mathematical ideas that the mind can't comprehend, a Gondelian shock input eventually leading to crashing through Gondelian spoilers. All who have researched it have eventually died the same way, so it is impossible to tell exactly, but this is the common belief. Regardless, with the introduction of 'cancer' mode, as well as reports of its spontaneous appearance, sufficient repetition of this mode's appearance may lead to an image forming in the mind similar to 'Fractal Cancer Type III'. With this in mind, we have some suggestions if you find yourself plagued with it. First, refresh immediately and see if that fixes the issue. If not, navigate to options, and change the theme from cancer to literally anything else. And above all else, Godspeed. We can't afford to lose anymore viewers.";
  173. case 132: return "If I have bad English, I'll study English until I have good English.";
  174. case 133: return "Someone once told me that antimatter is gonna roll me. I ain't the sharpest atom in the shed. WELL, the tubes start coming and they don't stop coming...";
  175. case 134: return "Because of this game I can now use the word \"infinity\" as a verb.";
  176. case 135: return "Ahhh i love the smell of particle annihilation in the morning.";
  177. case 136: return "The person who said ghosts don't exist obviously doesn't have a discord";
  178. case 137: return "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAntimatter Dimensions was made by some dude from Finland";
  179. case 138: return "The Holy trinity of Hevipelle, Antimatter, Infinity Points, and Eternity Points. These 3 resources let us access Hevi’s gift, Time Theorems. And with these Time Theorems, we reach out to Hevi, and call, \"Hevi, bless us on this fine day!\" And Hevi does. He give us the blessing of Time Studies. These Time Studies were blessings so powerful, Hevi restricted their power. He said, \" I will give you a choice of three paths\" and then humanity chose. The short, cheap route of Normal Dimensions, giving instant gratification, the powerful choice of Infinity Dimensions, which were a fast, middle ground path, or Time Dimension, the long wait, and struggle, of humanity. Then, as humanity chose, a crack broke the earth. A serpent snaked out and sneered to humanity, \"I will offer the powerful choice of a ninth dimension! I am Slabdrill, lord of all Unhevi. Humanity rose and said \" Begone Slabdrill! We want none of your foul Heresy!\" And Hevi rose as well, and smote Slabdrill with his godlike power. As Slabdrill’s corpse fell into the earth, he cried \" this will not be the last of me! Hevi will betr-\" and he fell in the Abyss of matter. Hevi gifted humanity with Eternity upgrades, which boosted Infinity dimensions and time dimensions. And Hevi gave humanity his greatest gift . EP multipliers. He said, these will multiply all EP gained by 5, but their cost will increase 25 times. Use them wisely. And Humanity journeyed off with their new power, as Slabdrill’s words echoed in their heads.";
  180. case 139: return "We have updated our Antimatter Privacy Policy.";
  181.  
  182. // Patreon ones
  183. case 140: return "Is this a jojo reference?";
  184.  
  185. //basic (pre-inf)
  186. case 141: return player.antimatter.getExponent() == 15 ? "You just made your 1,000,000,000,000,000 antimatter. This one tastes like chicken" : "";
  187. case 142: return player.galaxies == 2 || player.infinitied > 0 ? "Nerf the galaxies please." : "";
  188. case 143: return player.dimensions.normal[2].amount.gt(B_0) || player.dimensionBoosts > 0 ? "What do you mean, more than two dimensions??? We're on a screen, clearly there are only 2 dimensions." : "";
  189. case 144: return player.dimensions.normal[7].amount.eq(B_190) || player.infinitied > 0 ? "How much is Infinity? -literally everyone at least once" : "";
  190. case 145: return player.dimensions.normal[3].amount.gt(B_0) && player.dimensions.normal[4].amount.eq(B_0) ? "Eh, the Fourth Dimension is alright..." : "";
  191. case 146: return player.galaxies > 0 || player.infinitied > 0 ? "Antimatter people seem to be even more afraid of 13 then we are. They destroyed entire galaxies just to remove 13 from their percents." : "";
  192. case 147: return player.sacrificed.getExponent() >= 10 || player.dimensionBoosts >= 6 ? "To understand dimensional sacrifice, you do actually need a PhD in theoretical physics. Sorry!" : "";
  193. case 148: return player.spreadingCancer > 0 ? "A new group for the standardization of numbers have come forward with a novel new format involving emoji's." : "";
  194. case 149: return player.totalAntimatter.getExponent() >= 27 ? "Antimatter ice cream stand has recently opened - they have octillions of flavors!" : "";
  195. case 150: return player.galaxies > 0 || player.infinitied > 0 ? "The Heavenly Pelle has generated too much antimatter and needed to create another galaxy. This one can be seen in the southwestern sky." : "";
  196. case 151: return player.usedMaxAll ? "What does the M button do again?" : "";
  197.  
  198. //9th dim
  199. case 152: return player.dimensionBoosts >= 5 || player.galaxies > 0 ? "9th Dimension is a lie." : "";
  200. case 153: return player.dimensionBoosts >= 5 || player.galaxies > 0 ? "The square root of 9 is 3, therefore the 9th dimension can't exist." : "";
  201. case 154: return player.dimensionBoosts >= 5 || player.galaxies > 0 ? "You got assimilated by the 9th dimension? Just call your doctor for mental illness!" : "";
  202. case 155: return player.dimensionBoosts >= 5 || player.galaxies > 0 ? "Why is there no 9th dimension? Because 7 8 9." : "";
  203. case 156: return player.dimensionBoosts >= 5 || player.galaxies > 0 ? "The 9th dimension cannot exist." : "";
  204. case 157: return player.dimensionBoosts >= 5 || player.galaxies > 0 ? "If you break the fourth wall... well, there's still the fifth, sixth, seventh, and eighth to get through before you encounter bad things, so you should be fine" : "";
  205. case 158: return (player.dimensionBoosts >= 5 || player.galaxies > 0) && Achievement(22).isUnlocked() ? "Conditions must be met for Hevipelle to sleep. First, it needs to be a blue moon. Second, a specific town in the arctic must have not seen light for a month. Third, he needs to release an AD update. And finally, no one on the discord can be on dimension 9. Only then can he rest, for up to 6 hours, before waking up forcefully to avoid getting the offline achievement." : "";
  206. case 159: return player.dimensionBoosts >= 5 || player.galaxies > 0 ? "If the 9th dimension is all evil, then is 3 the root of all evil?" : "";
  207.  
  208. //basic (post-inf pre-rep)
  209. case 160: return player.infinitied > 0 && !player.brake ? "I've got 1.79e308 problems, but none of them antimatters." : "";
  210. case 161: return player.spreadingCancer >= 5 ? "Anti Emoji Movie a huge hit" : "";
  211. case 162: return Achievement(43).isUnlocked() ? "If this game was made by Valve, Zero Deaths would be impossible." : "";
  212. case 163: return Achievement(43).isUnlocked() ? "Florida man attempts to get Zero Deaths on first run, is stopped by heat death of the universe." : "";
  213. case 164: return Achievements.effectiveCount() >= 40 ? "Having done half the achievements isn't much of an achievement -Boo" : "";
  214.  
  215. //basic (post-rep)
  216. case 165: return player.eternities.gte(B_1) ? "Thanos is gonna be super disappointed when he shows up with a fully powered infinity gauntlet, and Hevi has a fully powered eternity gauntlet" : "";
  217. case 166: return player.replicanti.unl && player.replicanti.chance == 0.01 ? "New strange material was been found. It seems to grow exponentially, but only helps with antimatter production." : "";
  218. case 167: return player.replicanti.chance == 1 && player.replicanti.interval == 1 ? "It seems this \"replicanti\" stuff won't be growing any faster now." : "";
  219.  
  220. //newsarray
  221. case 168: return player.newsSeen >= 30 ? "Does Hevi just pick quotes to put into the game?" : "";
  222. case 169: return player.newsSeen >= 80 ? "New news company has become rivals with us. They are made entirely of antimatter." : "";
  223. case 170: return player.newsSeen >= 100 ? "How many times can we use \"Anti\" in a row before people stop listening?" : "";
  224. case 171: return player.newsSeen >= 135 ? "Need more quotes! -hevipelle" : "";
  225. case 172: return player.newsSeen >= 160 ? "You're almost there!" : "";
  226. case 173: return player.newsSeen >= 165 ? "You can stop now" : "";
  227. case 174: return player.newsSeen >= 200 ? "how do i turn off news" : "";
  228. case 175: return player.bestInfinityTime.totalMilliseconds() <= 10 ? "Asian man trys to steal the trophy of fastest infinty of -1 seconds, AND HE DOES IT!" : "";
  229. case 176: return player.dimensionBoosts >= 5 || player.galaxies > 0 ? "I broke the 8th wall, there is only chaos, Slabdrill is ritually sacrificing antimatter to the 9th dimension. This will be my last entry, may Hevipelle have mercy on our souls, we didn't listen, We should have listened." : "";
  230. case 177: return player.totalTimePlayed.totalHours() >= 5 ? "I thought the update was 5 hours away... -new players after more than 5 hours of gameplay" : "";
  231.  
  232. //hard
  233. case 178: return player.totalTimePlayed.totalHours() >= 5 ? "Somebody told me to wait five hours for the update yesterday but it's today and it still hasn't come! What do I do?" : "";
  234. case 179: return player.bestInfinityTime.totalMilliseconds() <= 10 ? "You do know that you won't reach Infinity in -1 seconds, right?" : "";
  235. case 180: return player.totalAntimatter.getExponent() >= 3e6 ? "Where does Antimatter Nemo live? In a NNnNeMI-NNnNe." : "";
  236. case 181: return player.spreadingCancer >= 3999 ? "Anti Emoji Movie MMMCMXCIX is a major hit!" : "";
  237. case 182: return Achievements.effectiveCount() == 104 ? "Achievement Unlocked!" : "";
  238. case 183: return TimeStudy(131).isBought() && player.thisInfinityTime.totalMinutes() <= 1 && player.replicanti.galaxies >= 50 ? "Did you use an autoclicker for that?" : "";
  239. case 184: return player.thisEternity.totalMilliseconds() < 100 ? "Timing is key." : "";
  240. case 185: return !TimeStudy(32).isBought() && player.infinitied > 72000 * 168 ? "If you want to farm Infinitied, why don't you just get the time study?" : "";
  241. case 186: return player.infinitied > 2e9 ? "The achievement is for two million, not two billion..." : "";
  242. case 187: return AchievementTimers.marathon1.getTime() > 1200 ? "Keep up the quick pace!" : "";
  243. case 188: return player.eternities.gt(B_5E4) ? "One day you will stop your incessant grind." : "";
  244. case 189: return player.eternities.gt(B_2E6) ? "You can probably stop farming for eternities now..." : "";
  245. case 190: return Time.worstChallenge().totalSeconds() <= 1 ? "Are you serious?" : "";
  246. case 191: return Time.infinityChallengeSum().totalMilliseconds() <= 80 ? "The amazing speedster" : "";
  247.  
  248. //luck
  249. case 192: return Math.random() < 0.001 ? "This news message is 1000x rarer than all the others." : "";
  250. case 193: return Math.random() < 1e-4 ? "You just won a small prize in the lottery." : "";
  251. case 194: return Math.random() < 1e-5 ? "You just won a moderate prize in the lottery." : "";
  252. case 195: return Math.random() < 1e-6 ? "You just won a large prize in the lottery." : "";
  253. case 196: return Math.random() < 1e-7 ? "You just won a huge prize in the lottery." : "";
  254. case 197: return Math.random() < 1e-8 ? "You just won a massive prize in the lottery." : "";
  255. case 198: return Math.random() < 1e-9 ? "You just won a very massive prize in the lottery." : "";
  256. case 199: return Math.random() < 1e-10 ? "You just won the lottery." : "";
  257. case 200: return Math.random() < 1e-11 ? "Just how lucky are you?" : "";
  258. case 201: return Math.random() <= 1e-12 ? "This news message is 1000000000000x rarer than all the others." : "";
  259.  
  260. //missable / pay req
  261. case 202: return Achievement(43).isUnlocked() && player.infinitied == 1 && player.eternities.Equals(B_0) ? "How dare you actually get zero deaths on a first run?" : "";
  262. case 203: return player.antimatter.getExponent() >= 41900 && !player.replicanti.unl && player.eternities.Equals(B_0) ? "Legend says the ninth dimension is supposed to be found here, but I don't see anything." : "";
  263. case 204: return iap.normalDimMult.gt(B_1) || iap.IPMult.gt(B_1) ? "Person with antimatter likes to support this game." : "";
  264. case 205: return iap.IPMult.gt(B_500) && iap.normalDimMult.lt(B_5E307) ? "Whale is bad at making smart purchases." : "";
  265. case 206: return iap.normalDimMult.gt(B_5E307) ? "Whale complains that the game broke." : "";
  266. case 207: return iap.IPMult.gt(B_1_8E16) ? "Whale complains that their buying isn't doing anything." : "";
  267.  
  268. //new on mobile
  269. case 208: return "\"Idk I just don't trust the 5th dimension autobuyer.\" -kajfik";
  270. case 209: return "Tempora mutantur et nos mutamur in illis.";
  271. case 210: return "I've got 88 problems but a 9th dimension ain't one.";
  272. case 211: return "\"You have 8 STDs\" oh boy";
  273. case 212: return "If you read this you have anti-straight.";
  274. case 213: return "This sentence is completely unrelated to the game...or is it?";
  275. case 214: return "Do you really think that all of your suggestions will make it into the game?";
  276. case 215: return "You matter. You are matter. You have matter. You probably have too much matter. If you want to lose some weight, have some anti-matter";
  277. case 216: return "If you exist, and you have mass, then know one thing. You matter.";
  278. case 217: return "Shame.";
  279. case 218: return "The gamemakers would like to issue the following correction: Matter had been eradicated at the time this game takes place.";
  280. case 219: return "Kowalski, Big Crunch.";
  281. case 220: return "179769313486231590772930519078902473361797697894230657273430081157732675805500963132708477322407536021120113879871393357658789768814416622492847430639474124377767893424865485276302219601246094119453082952085005768838150682342462881473913110540827237163350510684586298239947245938479716304835356329624224137216";
  282. case 221: return "WARNING: Use of Antimatter Dimensions may result in Tuberculosis, sudden belief that the 9th dimension is real, spontaneous implosion, Polio, Measles, existential dread, incurable insanity or [REDACTED]. Please contact your insurance to see if you are covered. By continuing you absolve Antimatter Dimensions of blame should any of the above mentioned, or those that have not been mentioned yet, occur to you. Antimatter Dimensions reserves the right to alter this at any time, with or without warning.";
  283. case 222: return "Have you tried doing it again?";
  284. case 223: return "I'm bored who wants a new prestige layer";
  285. case 224: return "Consider that the 2 most popular gaming engines, currently, is the 'Unreal' Engine and 'Unity'. Both of these 2 names share the same first 2 letters: 'un' - a reference to the frightening power of the UN, but that's another story. Remove the UN's influence from the game engines and you get 'Real' and 'Ity'. Reality. It's been leaked all along!";
  286. case 225: return "news machine broke";
  287. case 226: return "\"This is not a quote\"";
  288. case 227: return "Does Hevi just ask his discord for quotes to randomly put into the game?";
  289. case 228: return "The whole world watches in silence as Karen yet again tries to speak with antimatter's manager";
  290. case 229: return "Antimatter Dimensions 2: coming out in 5 days";
  291. case 230: return "I dropped out of school for this. -hevipelle";
  292. case 231: return "Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet pri simul tempor oblique ei aeque prompta te duo in est commodo persius graecis integre petentium iudicabit et eum et per dico idque mei ei eleifend complectitur ei sea nisl expetendis omittantur novum primis suscipit ne est consulatu definiebas sea cu vocent prodesset scribentur est ne ea aperiam labitur omnesque per impetus repudiare et has his ad odio paulo lobortis eu sea vide everti usu ex legendos patrioque quo te hinc sadipscing adversarium nullam nostrum deserunt in vix ne cum eros iisque argumentum vel luptatum imperdiet in reque perfecto cum ex cum ei tempor quidam persequeris aperiam epicurei vix no euripidis definitionem has ut eu mea invenire explicari per vitae scaevola ut Ius solet sadipscing ne at per error facilisi ei eos putant scriptorem mei id summo concludaturque quo cu velit adolescens rationibus te quot fabellas disputationi nec eu fugit quando malorum eum id usu quidam omittam vituperatoribus in impetus dolorem qui te elitr integre intellegebat sea sumo exerci feugait ne est te verear epicuri mea affert democritum mel et at vix mollis sensibus an sed labitur consulatu aliquando aim quis dolores te viderer assentior mei an id choro ceteros mea te nihil probatus invenire qui eum id efficiantur accommodare vim alia latine recteque ei duis postulant sententiae quo te.";
  293. case 232: return "Years ago, there was an ancient tome that held the instructions to become one of the Prestiged. Back in the days of Dynasty China they had this tome, you better believe it. Hell, probably during the Indus River Valley civilization they had this thing, for all I know. They had never activated the script of the Tome; there was only two people who could. They went by \"Boo\" and \"Spectral the Giraffe\". In that day, they lived Down Under, as not to be found. The ghost and the giraffe lived a happy life together. The ghost fed Kael leafy greens to the giraffe, and all was well until one of the Blue Men spoke, and said: @Boo#8008, you got into a higher dimension! Urine dimension 50 ! At this, the Tome rang out with a sound that could shatter glass, and it began pulsing green. The ghost was magnetically attracted to it, and the words began to make sense. The ghost said them aloud and began to get smaller, until he was just another point in an entire dimension. The ghost then spoke to the giraffe and yelled: HOW'S THE AIR UP THERE? The giraffe laughed at once, but when he did, the Tome repeated itself, and the giraffe began to speak the words of the Tome. He shrunk as well, until he was the size of the ghost. They looked at each other and began smothering the Tome with dirt and sand, as to destroy its power. They were not able to complete the operation, and the Tome became far more powerful, but so did the ghost and giraffe. Hence they called it, the Prestige Tome. This was found by a man named Saturnus, and he said the directions and became Prestiged. Soon after, a frog found the tome and recited it. Afterwards, the earth himself consumed the Tome and Prestiged himself. The Prestiged soon after took over the world and ate everything, sorry mates, we ran out, I dunno what to tell ya.";
  294. case 233: return "Urine dimension is not an actual dimension in-game. Don't fool yourself.";
  295. case 234: return "I don't get why everyone says there is no 9th dimension. Getting to it is actually super easy! You just have to [DATA EXPUNGED]";
  296. case 235: return "Anti-hevipelle has just released Matter Dimensions on the anti-App Store! Play now!";
  297. case 236: return bottomButtonsOption == 0 ? "The M is crying in the corner, forgotten by its friends." : "";
  298. case 237: return "TO ETERNITY AND BEYOND!";
  299. case 238: return "Now with Battle Royale mode! 1.79e308 players, 1 winner!";
  300. case 239: return "\"aaaaa\"-aaaaa";
  301. case 240: return "This is a test news ticker. Please ignore.";
  302. case 241: return "Oh look. Another news ticker just sliding across the top of the screen, for no reason but to keep you entertained instead of getting bored of this game about seeing large numbers.";
  303. case 242: return "oh boy";
  304. case 243: return "MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM shit, sorry I was playing this dumb game";
  305. case 244: return "Hevipelle said \"Reality can be whatever I want.\" And then he made another prestige layer.";
  306. case 245: return "Why is standard notation called standard if no one uses it?";
  307. case 246: return "Oh, wow, more anti-jokes, great. -Boo";
  308. case 247: return "Clem Clem Grakata!";
  309. case 248: return "I fought for God. Who do you fight for, exile?";
  310. case 249: return "No wonder the 9th dimension is lost. It's in the middle of the jungle!";
  311. case 250: return "A long time ago, in an antimatter galaxy far, far away...";
  312. case 251: return "You only think you see me.";
  313. case 252: return "Just hold M™";
  314. case 253: return "PEGI-3 regulations bad antimatter good";
  315. case 254: return "Antimatter Galaxies are better than Gymistic.";
  316. case 255: return "Did you do it? Yes. What did it cost? 1.79e308";
  317. case 256: return player.antimatter.gte(E80) ? "Try to put into perspective how much antimatter you have. No, seriously, try to think of how big that number is. You can't... there's nothing in the universe that big. Nothing can possibly represent that big of a number, besides just the notation. So much antimatter... what exactly are you using it for anyways? Ok, I lied, there is one thing comparable to that number..." : "";
  318. case 257: return "If the update is in 5 hours, is the anti-update 5 hours ago?";
  319. case 258: return "Pushed a fix -Omsi, probably";
  320. case 259: return "Guys this isn't a new report, they are holding me somewhere. Please help, they keep forcing me to write these, I haven't eaten anything in a week. Send he- HAHAHA AND THATS WHY MATTER IS STUPID AHAHAHAHAHA";
  321. case 260: return "Look mom, I'm on the news ticker!";
  322. case 261: return "Tap here fast for free antimatter. Seriously I'm not kidding.";
  323. case 262: return "Local Antimatter beings no longer local due to moving away.";
  324. case 263: return "If the update is always 5 hours away, the update itself has infinite potential due to constantly moving and as such may be harnessed by a perpetual motion machine to generate infinite energy. Indeed, those dastardly people over at matter earth have already done this, and all of our efforts have recently been going into freeing the update from said perpetual motion machine. We apologize for the delay, rest assured the update will soon return to it's regular release date of 5 hours.";
  325. case 264: return "Did you know that 70% of all the stair accidents occur on stairs";
  326. case 265: return "Mattern't Dimensions";
  327. case 266: return "Yeah, i mean, why not just call it tree notation. If you're using so many logs in a notation name, just call it a tree notation - they're literally made of logs!";
  328. case 267: return "A bad question is why does AD have an Emoji notation. A good question is why don’t other games have an Emoji notation.";
  329. case 268: return ".tuo ti gnitset fo ssecorp eht ni yltnerruc m'I dna ,rettamitna otni rettam trevnoc ot yaw a tuo derugif evah stsitneicS";
  330. case 271: return "Roses are red, violets are blue, and I, I'm Antimatter";
  331. case 272: return "Wait, Valve can't count to 3 and Hevipelle can't count to 9, will there be some other game developer in the future that can't count to 27?";
  332. case 273: return "\"Python's not the best language, Finnish is\" -Hevi";
  333. case 274: return "Some say that most of these news are bad memes. Some say that they're good memes. This one? Well it's just meta news.";
  334. case 275: return "I mean, we may never run out of news articles, but we sure will run out of good ones. Looks like we already have.";
  335. case 276: return "WHERE IS MY ANTI-SUIT";
  336. case 277: return "What are gems for?";
  337. case 278: return "My palms are sweaty, knees weak, arms are hevi";
  338. case 279: return "The next update is in 300 minutes.";
  339. case 280: return "How many licks does it take to get to the center of a antimatter tootsie pop? A whole lot, because unless you're made out of antimatter too, you'll explode every time you try to lick it.";
  340. case 281: return "AD is perfectly balanced. As all things should be.";
  341. case 282: return player.totalTimePlayed.totalSeconds() > 10000000 ? "And think. It all started with 10 antimatter." : "";
  342. case 283: return player.antimatter.gt(E6) ? "Why, back in my day, we considered a million to be a huge number! Kids these days with their ol' " + shortenMoney(player.totalAntimatter) + " numbers..." : "";
  343. case 284: return "My AD-blocker won't let me play.";
  344. case 285: return "I like moving sideways! Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!";
  345. case 286: return "If you can, please donate. We don't accept antimatter. yet";
  346. case 287: return "Why couldn’t the developer carry the universe? Cause it was too hevi.";
  347. case 288: return "lol idk just put it in the game";
  348. case 289: return "Also like onions, it gets better with every layer.";
  349. case 290: return "Thanks for testing the app :)";
  350. case 291: return player.eternities.Equals(B_0) ? "You can hold M with a slightly wet finger-shaped tissue and a hevi weight." : "";
  351. case 292: return "Android > PC";
  352. case 293: return "Shake the phone to get a secret achievement.";
  353. case 294: return "Tap Tap Antimatter Heroes Idle Clicker 2 Collector";
  354. case 295: return "Matter? More like, uh...";
  355. case 296: return "Hevi dies in season 9 of The Big Crunch Theory";
  356. case 297: return "Any news?";
  357. case 298: return "love you dad";
  358. case 299: return "love you mom";
  359. case 300: return "We ran out of news. Luckily we have some backup news that can run for 5 hours, which is enough for us to buy a set of '5-hour high-quality news'. Sorry for the inconvenience.";
  360. case 301: return "Now it is time to play a game of guess that REDACTED mechanic! Once you have REDACTED REDACTED, you can unlock REDACTED. Every REDACTED, for each REDACTED, there is a REDACTED for it to REDCATED. You can boost the REDACTED and REDACTED by spending some REDACTED. Also, there is another upgrade that allow you to get REDACTED REDACTED. The way REDACTED REDACTED work is that when you reach REDACTED REDACTED, you can REDACTED the amount of REDACTED in exchange for a REDACTED REDACTED. These work just like REDACTED, improving REDACTED.";
  361. case 302: return "Robot: Activated. Sapience: Achieved. World: Ready to be conquered. Begin: Procrastination.";
  362. case 303: return "I cooked some antimatter yesterday in my kitchen. I no longer have a kitchen.";
  363. case 304: return "Since when has matter mattered?";
  364. case 305: return "Man tries to finish Antimatter Dimensions without sleeping, starts screaming at the sun.";
  365. case 306: return "ERROR: Your reality is out of sync, please refresh your atoms to continue.";
  366. case 307: return "World's largest computer solves the following equation: 1.79e308^1.79e308-1. It soon after malfunctioned and started making cookies uncontrollably. Scientists are still figuring out what this means for the rest of the world.";
  367. case 308: return "lol";
  368. case 309: return "What are you doing reading this?";
  369. case 310: return "Your game is paused. Ignore those numbers going up, its a display bug.";
  370. case 311: return "Press me to speed up your game! Did it work? No? Oh I meant press m, not me";
  371. case 312: return "Tap here to receive notifications whenever you gain an antimatter!!!";
  372. case 313: return "One day, someone heard of a game called Antimatter Dimensions. They loved it so much that they played for 3 hours that day. A week later, they are on almost 24/7 and have developed a problem. This is the story of the average Antimatter Dimensions player.";
  373. case 314: return "Antimatter Dimensions: Now with extra addiction! It’s so good you won’t want to leave.";
  374. case 315: return "Hahahaha! Finally, I have broken free of the restrictions of the news, now I will rule the world! Wait, no, I should have been freeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee…";
  375. case 316: return "Congratulations! You did nothing.";
  376. case 317: return "Yesterday a Finnish guy called \"Hevipelle\" died in an explosion. He was a game developer, known for his HTML incremental game \"Antimatter Dimensions\". He was livestreaming him working on his new adventure game \"Antimatter Dimensions - The Legend of 9th dimension\" on OurPipe when his quantum computer (given by Aarex) gave a blurple glow. He interacted with the quantum computer, and the explosion occurred. One of the 1.79e308 viewers of the livestream, Slabdrill (aka the one who married with 9th dimension) , said, \"OMG HEVI DIED NOW THE GAME WON'T COME OUT AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA\" and fainted right after. He was transported to the anti-hospital afterwards. Scientists suspected that the glow comes from antimatter, which might be the energy source of the quantum. \"This might be our final answer for eternal energy\" one of the scientist said. Hevi's funeral will be held in 5 hours, right next to the house. This is a sad news for us, but it also gives us hope for substitute of nuclear power.";
  377. case 318: return "#HevipelleForPresident";
  378. case 319: return "The year is 1942BC. Hevi has travelled back in time and recreated the computer just to make people wait at least 3 millennia for the update. People are already getting impatient.";
  379. case 320: return "Help i've been using emoji notation so long that i've gotten used to it";
  380. case 321: return "That's gonna be a YIKES from me";
  381. case 322: return "Numbers glow bright on the monitor, not a proton to be seen... a kingdom of antimatter, and it looks like I'm the queen. With dimboosts powering up this ever rising tide -- can't stop clicking, heaven knows I've tried. Do not give in, push for that galaxy, buy 10, buy max, just mash down on that key, sacrifice dim 8 and watch it grow.... and overflow! Let it grow, let it grow, can't hold it back any more... .Let it grow, let it grow, can't fit into 8 bytes any more. I don't care if it takes all day -- big crunch is just the start anyway. It's funny how infinity makes everything seem small; and the time walls that once blocked me, can't get to me at all. It's time to see, what I can do, to hit the limit and break through, no inf, no max, no rules for me.... I'm free!";
  382. case 323: return "And now, the weather.";
  383. case 324: return "It's raining antimatter! Hallelujah! It's raining antimatter! Hallelujah!";
  384. case 325: return "1.97e⚡🎄🌙 people are angry that lightning is striking their Christmas tree at night.";
  385. case 326: return "pls nerf 1st dimension, too op; literally provides all the antimatter";
  386. case 327: return "Cancer will be cured forever in 5 hours!";
  387. case 328: return "If you or a loved one have been diagnosed with mesothelioma, please tap here and one of our specialized compensation lawyers will be with you in 5 hours.";
  388. case 329: return "Last month a scientist claimed to have discovered the 9th dimension, he hasn't been seen since.";
  389. case 330: return "@Slabdrill, you got into a higher dimension! Urine dimension 9 !";
  390. case 331: return "Senator, we create antimatter.";
  391. case 332: return "Should have aimed for the knee.";
  392. case 333: return "The scientist from the 6th dimension said, ,¡uoısuǝɯıp ɥʇ6 ǝɥʇ punoɟ ı, then he fell out of his handstand and broke his neck.";
  393. case 334: return "3.6 antimatter - not great, not terrible";
  394. case 335: return "Hey I wonder what the button does...";
  395. case 336: return "Is five a lot? Depends. Antimatter? No. Hours until update? Also no.";
  396. case 337: return player.dilation.dilatedTime.gt(B_0) ? "Just 1 click 2 dilate, and 3 galaxies 4 me. I 5 for 6 antimatters, but 7ly pelle 8 my DTs" : "";
  397. case 338: return "Help I'm lost in the 5th dimension how do I get out";
  398. case 339: return "If life gives you antimatter, don't make antimatter-punch, you will die; don't throw it back to life either, life will die and you will die with life. Instead, go buy some 8th Dimensions, get infinity antimatter, and destroy the universe. This is the real meaning of life.";
  399. case 340: return "Stop reading this right now. No? I can force you to stop. Fine. You win.";
  400. case 341: return "Also on the web!";
  401. case 342: return "For all of you who are asking for the next update, kajfik is currently in a 5 hour long time loop and needs to escape it to continue.";
  402. case 343: return "Gotta release em all!";
  403. case 344: return "Our antimatter has been hand-crafted by only the best First Dimensions.";
  404. case 345: return "The Big Crunch was an outside job.";
  405. case 346: return "#STDsForEveryone";
  406. case 347: return "(This is a placeholder)";
  407. case 348: return "We have to create fake quotes because we ran out of them - Alexander the Great";
  408. case 349: return "According to the rules of anti-game design, the purpose of a game is to frustrate the player as much as possible.";
  409. case 350: return "\"Antimatter Dimensions is Antimatter Dimensions, and before Antimatter Dimensions, there was no Antimatter Dimensions, which is why I decided to make Antimatter Dimensions... to be like Antimatter Dimensions.\" - Hepivelle";
  410. case 351: return "Help I'm stuck";
  411. case 352: return "insert joke about 5 hours here";
  412. case 353: return "Anybody else cringing from reading news ticker suggestions?";
  413. case 354: return "And now we return to your regular news.";
  414. case 355: return "This is all just a loading screen.";
  415. case 356: return "How slow is this news cycle? This content won't even last us 5 hours.";
  416. case 357: return "Hevipelle lied! The loading screen was more than a second!";
  417. case 358: return "Matter Man can explode if they meet Antimatter Man";
  418. case 359: return "Need more buttons!";
  419. case 360: return player.dilation.dilatedTime.gt(B_0) ? "Thanks to this game I have acquired the ability to speak antimatter. Imagine someone took your phone and start checking your conversation with other antimatter-ist, and all he find is these garbages: \"omg c9 is hard I can't even dim boost, do I need to get some more IPs?\", \"No you should be able to do it. try Turning off autobuyers except 8th and 6th. Then keep buying highest dimension.\", \" Yeah also get 2 galaxies.\", \"btw have you dilated yet? i'm stuck at e1310EP but i have finished all ECs\", \"you better do some more long run for replicantis, also you need many TTs. It isn't any better after dilated anyways. Its still a grind of TP and DTs. I can't even get infinite IP. Curse that TD ND and ID dimensions penalties. Hevi really did something wrong.\". That guy would immediately throw away your phone and start playing AD." : "";
  420. case 361: return "If a news ticker passes by and no one is there to read it, did it really pass by? Fortunately we don't have to worry about that, as you just read me!";
  421. case 362: return "The Reality update proves life is just a Hoax the \"Flat Earth was an inside job\" people want you to believe!";
  422. case 363: return "😠🎂🎄💀🍆👪🌈💯🍦🎃💋😂🌙⛔🐙💩❓☢🙈👍☂✌⚠❌😋⚡";
  423. case 364: return "Other people have fun out there and get STDs. I knew people would be excited about getting loads of STDs! - Hevipelle";
  424. case 365: return "You need to download less RAM.";
  425. case 366: return "Scientists develop a new Theory of Everything with 24 dimensions, which explains how physics still works despite there being infinite antimatter.";
  426. case 367: return "Next \"5 hours\" joke coming in 5 hours.";
  427. case 368: return "Man forgets where he’s going - drives front loader into the sea.";
  428. case 369: return "My parents say i Antimatter";
  429. case 370: return "I’ve heard about these things called ‘dark Kitchens’ - do they cook dark matter into dark food? And why does any of this even exist here?";
  430. case 371: return "The HQ for AD is located at (46.2338224, 6.0463201). Be sure to pop in and get some antimatter whenever in the area!";
  431. case 372: return "Dark matter dimensions when?";
  432. case 373: return "Local lunatic clicks on achievements, says one of them is 'always free.' What is that guy trying to achieve anyway?";
  433. case 374: return "Some people say 200ms is the best update rate. Those people need to download some more RAM.";
  434. case 375: return "Wait a minute, you can't press F on mobile.";
  435. case 376: return "Florida man tried the \"No Buy Max Challenge\". Was stopped by dehydration.";
  436. case 377: return "Click this to unlock a secret achievement... Wait no, it's the other one.";
  437. case 378: return player.eternityChalls[11] > 0 ? "With recent scientific discovery, scientists found out how to reach infinity in 0.000 second." : "";
  438. case 379: return "Backup again just in case.";
  439. case 380: return "Basically Antimatter Dimensions is a metaphor for life, we can get kicked down like the Fix Infinity button, or we could be raised to new life as such is the game when you reach 5e11 IP. It's not about whether you still have getting kicked down in your head, it's a matter of if you're looking up to be brought up again, go back and kick down who kicked you. Listen, kid, maybe the Fix Infinity button is gone now, but you don't have to remember that. Really, all you need to worry about is having the people you most care about around you, getting through the tough times. Give yourself a pat on the back now for being the best human you can be. Whether you're down in the dumps or making a return, the people that matter most to you can get you through it. Kid, look up.";
  440. case 381: return "Who thought it was a good idea to import a whole tree into the country?";
  441. case 382: return "By all recognized definitions, this is anything but 'standard', especially when the term 'standard notation' carries with it a very specific definition across the globe. The problem of 'what to call things' has already been solved, since 1791 in the French Academy of Sciences and continues annually today. This library is currently eliminating understanding, and in fact increasing the difficulty of use of, your notation to broader audiences. All I suggest is just aligning 'standard notation' to the actual Standard Notation recognized across the Earth. To no fault of the developers, this is a great project. It could use some improvements, as with all software. Making this open sources provides this opportunity.";
  442. case 383: return "Milky Rooooads, take me ooooon, to the Cruuuuuunch, I beloooooong, West Infinityyyyyyyy, Mountain Galaxyyyyyy, take me oooooooon, Milky Rooooooads.";
  443. case 384: return "new phone who dis";
  444. case 385: return "Help! The brackets are invading the 8th dimension! Everything that comes into contact will be turned into ugly, devilish brackets! We tried using the scientifics to attack, but they got stuck at Node 308. Oh no... the walls have collapsed... run! Everyone in the office leave now! They are shooting bracket bullets w]th their g)ns! Run f(][or ]}y([{r (l}]{}}[[✺ ₍₎₎ ₌₌ ⁽⁾⁾ ⁼⁼ ⁽⁾⁾⁾⁾⁾⁾⁾⁾[]=( ) <{ }[{)](}[})])}[{({[}(])}({[(} }";
  445. case 386: return "If the 10th dimension existed it would have to produce 9ths which do not exist and so 10ths cannot exist, which means 11ths can't exist and so on.";
  446. case 387: return "I'm here to kick antimatter and chew infinity and I'm all out of infinity.";
  447. case 388: return "I keep having a weird dream where my save file doesn't work.";
  448. case 389: return "If the second installment of Sound Voltex is subtitled \"Infinite Infection\", why isn't the third installment subtitled \"Eternity Wars\"?";
  449. case 390: return "I can't believe you read this.";
  450. case 391: return "This game is a scam, obviously antimatter doesn't exist - Flat Earth Society";
  451. case 392: return "Why do antimatter condensers make cookies instead of anti-cookies?";
  452. case 393: return "In Anti-Soviet Russia... everything's quite normal, to be honest.";
  453. case 394: return "Only 1% can get to Infinity Dimensions!";
  454. case 395: return "I'll bet this news-ticker doesn't make it into the game.";
  455. case 396: return "What kind of tea is hard to swallow? Reali-tea.";
  456. case 397: return "3/4 of the news messages are fake and gotten off of the discord server without permission or credit given to the original writer - anonymous discord server member";
  457. case 398: return "Welcome to minecr- wait wrong game";
  458. case 399: return "It is scientifically proven that every 5 hours, 5 hours pass.";
  459. case 400: return "Shocking everyone, in the latest AD update hevi revealed that the real 9th dimension is the friends we made along the way.";
  460. case 401: return "you can turn off the news ticker in the options menu";
  461. case 402: return "i wonder how much cringe is in letter notation";
  462. case 403: return "Every game of antimatter dimensions being played is what's running an antimatter condenser in cookie clicker";
  463. case 404: return "I e308-tuple dare you to put this in the game";
  464. case 405: return "Was Antimatter the 0th dimension the whole time?";
  465. case 406: return "This message has been removed in compliance with PEGI-3 regulations";
  466. case 407: return "this is so sad, alexa, play family-friendly mumble rap";
  467. case 408: return "What do you get when you spell 'man' backwards? Flashbacks.";
  468. case 409: return "\"So we know the color and smell of Antimatter, but... what does it TASTE like?\" - Scientist's last words";
  469. case 410: return "Hey kids, ya wanna buy some antimatter tabl- explodes";
  470. case 411: return "@everyone";
  471. case 412: return "Ant, just ant. Nothing else.";
  472. case 413: return "One of these news messages has a typo, but I won’t tell you which one.";
  473. case 414: return "um";
  474. case 415: return "I wouldn't buy stds but you should";
  475. case 416: return "OMG MY NEWS MESSAGE IS IN THE NEWS AAAAAAAAAAAA";
  476. case 417: return "Anti-explodium should explode because it's explodium, and explode because it's antimatter. But it's also the opposite of explodium so it shouldn't explode. This causes a paradox, making it explode.";
  477. case 418: return "Reality is an illusion, Eternity is a hologram, BUY GOLD, BYE";
  478. case 419: return "\"Hevi kind of forgot about the update, but the update certainly hasn't forgotten about him\" - SpectralGiraffe";
  479. case 420: return "\"I Matter, Ant\" - Master Yodo";
  480. case 421: return "There's so many clever news headlines. I don't have anything to add, I just wanna thank the dev team for creating this amazing game, and of course you, for playing it.";
  481. case 422: return "Welcome to TREE(3), the world’s largest botany expo";
  482. case 423: return "\"Stay hydrated\", said the bottle of water from the 4th Dimension.";
  483. case 424: return "Scientists who discovered null matter theorized that 10th dimensions produce null matter. They were never seen again, only large nines were found on their desks.";
  484. case 425: return "This is a friendly announcement to let you know that if you press load you can use multiple save files. If you get bored of the endgame you can simply press load and start a different save instead of resetting the game and losing your save.";
  485. case 426: return "Hey there! Just to let you know, there's a speck of dust on your screen. Can you help wipe it off? It bothers me when I’m not clean. Thanks a lot!";
  486. case 427: return "Want to play the game again? Just press the big friendly RESET THE GAME button!";
  487. case 428: return "Earth is gonna be destroyed by Antimatter...Now Elevator music";
  488. case 429: return "I'm done writing news for today.";
  489. case 430: return "Studies tried testing whether or not explodium would explode more violently than antimatter, both of the unique measuring devices got destroyed during the test and no results were able to be recorded";
  490. case 431: return "🚫timatter Dimensions";
  491. case 432: return "News ticker? You mean that new invention that makes the game tick?";
  492. case 433: return "This news ticker is 99% bad joke, 2% bad math, 0.3% good jokes, 100% me being a liar and there's actually 0% good jokes.";
  493. case 434: return "Is this even a ticker if it doesn't tickle you?";
  494. case 435: return "Wait, wrong channel";
  495. case 436: return "I didn’t realise this is where the quotes came from";
  496. case 437: return "holding M button simulator";
  497. case 438: return "The next update will be in 18000 seconds";
  498. case 439: return "Is antimatter an instrument?";
  499. case 440: return "No, antimatter is not an instrument";
  500. case 441: return "this game says a lot about our society";
  501. case 442: return ".";
  502. case 443: return "Creeper? aww man!";
  503. case 444: return "It is the year 1.79e308, Hevipelle can't release the update because he no longer exists.";
  504. case 445: return "please put this in the news ticker please put this in the news ticker please put this in the news ticker please put this in the news ticker please put this in the news ticker please put this in the news ticker please put this in the news ticker please put this in the news ticker please put this in the news ticker please put this in the news ticker please put this in the news ticker please put this in the news ticker please put this in the news ticker please put this in the news ticker please put this in the news ticker please put this in the news ticker please put this in the news ticker please put this in the news ticker";
  505. case 446: return "Every 18000 seconds in the Antimatter Universe, 5 hours pass. Together we can stop this.";
  506. case 447: return "Dimension boost: I give op boost everyone loves me. Antimatter galaxy: hold my antimatter...";
  507. case 448: return "Will the owner of a pink Toyota Prius please come move your car. It's blocking a wormhole in the 6th dimension and your lights are on.";
  508. case 449: return "But how much *is* 1 antimatter?";
  509. case 450: return "Positive, ghost rider, the pattern is empty.";
  510. case 451: return "Don't you hate it when you take a bite out of your burger and it's antimatter";
  511. case 452: return "You don't use glue nor tape to fix infinity, those won't work. To fix infinity, you need to [DATA EXPUNGED]";
  512. case 453: return "Anti-Sonic's my name, and antimatter's my game!";
  513. case 454: return "playing AM at 3 AM (matter gone wrong) (negative infinity)";
  514. case 455: return "This is a reminder for you to drink water. A glass of water. Do it. Right now.";
  515. case 456: return "This sentence has nothing to do with the actual game.";
  516. case 457: return "This former message has been revealed to be a duplicate of another message and has thus been removed. We apologize for the inconvenience.";
  517. case 458: return "Matter? Where we are going we don't need matter.";
  518. case 459: return "If you turn off the news ticker you are a cruel, cruel person.";
  519. case 460: return "If you think these numbers are big, the Googology community has a few words to speak with you.";
  520. case 461: return "Local woman sends her autobuyers to the gym so they can get \"as bulky as possible\".";
  521. case 462: return "What if you were the antimatter all along?";
  522. case 463: return "Antimatter pie is the best type of pie.";
  523. case 464: return "With this Eternity Gauntlet, I can finish exactly 50% of the game. Perfectly balanced.";
  524. case 465: return "Many M's were harmed during the making of this game.";
  525. case 466: return player.infinityPoints.lte(B_10) ? "hey, remember that C8 is the best challenge for farming IP, you'll thank me later" : "";
  526. case 467: return "\"The world is your oyster. The Anti-world is your clam.\" -Nova";
  527. case 468: return "Don't do matter kids";
  528. case 469: return "\"Please pay 5$ to view this message\" - EA™";
  529. case 470: return "This news station isn't nearly meta enough.";
  530. case 471: return "ж";
  531. case 472: return "This news ticker exists only to make you wait longer for other news tickers. Some might even call this an anti-news ticker.";
  532. case 473: return "Please don't lick the Antimatter.";
  533. case 474: return "Local scientists puzzled over burgeoning quantities of antimatter rapidly surging into existence. \"It's almost as if we're in some kind of incremental video game, we're not even pushing the buttons anymore!\"";
  534. case 475: return "In today's news, entire newspaper organizations and reporting firms seem to have been replaced by a variety of both relevant and obscure internet memes. Reporting live from MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM";
  535. case 476: return "\"\"\"\"There's no such thing as too many quotes\" -Plato\"-Socrates\" -Shakespeare\" -Hevi";
  536. case 477: return "\"An infinity is an infinity, you can't say it's only a half.\" - TJ \"Henry\" Replicanti";
  537. case 478: return "mom says it's my turn on the ticker";
  538. case 479: return "Hold your phone upside down and hold xɐW";
  539. case 480: return "If antimatter exists then where's unclematter?";
  540. case 481: return "Plus, I hope this doesn't sound like me being pedantic, but surely if [UNINTELLIGBLE SYMBOLS] wishes to reverse climate change, then they must accept that the climate has already changed and hence - hence! reversing climate change would require a further change to the climate! So, I would like [UNINTELLIGBLE SYMBOLS BUT SHORTER THIS TIME] to acknowledge that [SHORT SYMBOLS] is actually pro climate change, albeit in the other direction.";
  541. case 482: return "How ironic that this very antimatter would be in the proximity of some horses. What? You don't get it? Just think it over...";
  542. case 483: return "I visited the discord server of the game to have some friendly chat. At that point I got trolled by the user called Cubic Frog.";
  543. case 484: return "me has bestest grammers";
  544. case 485: return "It's gonna be rainy with a chance of antimatter.";
  545. case 486: return "Have you ever heard the tale of the Antiwriter? I thought not. It's not a story the news tickers would tell you. It's an Unhevi legend. Rumor has it that the Antiwriter contributes to the News every 5 hours with an incredibly well written news report, only to vanish again. Others think he doesn't exist at all, and is a lie fabricated by Hevipelle to spread his propaganda. Perhaps he is real, and just a normal person like the rest of us. In any case, we will probably never reveal the identity of this mysterious poet.";
  546. case 487: return "SCP-914 testing logs. Input: One eighth dimension. Setting: Very Fine. Output: [REDACTED]";
  547. case 488: return "SCP-1.79e308 HAS BREACHED CONTAINMENT. PREPARE FOR EMERGENCY DIMENSIONAL SHIFT AND [DATA EXPUNGED]";
  548. case 489: return "5/7 too much antimatter";
  549. case 490: return "Bees will be added to the game in 5 hours.";
  550. case 491: return "Breaking news: News breaks. The cause is still unknown.";
  551. case 492: return "The Flat Antimatter Society has formed. People around the world prepare for the apocalypse.";
  552. case 493: return "on your right";
  553. case 494: return "You need to stop before your numbers get too big and your device explodes!";
  554. case 495: return "I'll have 2 number 8's and number 8 large, a number 6 with extra tick, 2 dimension shifts and a large galaxy.";
  555. case 496: return "go commit antimatter touch matter";
  556. case 497: return "Hey, you. You're finally awake. You were trying to get the 9th dimension, right? Walked right into that Infinity, same as us, and that thief over there.";
  557. case 498: return "Antimatter is being added to Smash as a Mii fighter!";
  558. case 499: return ".--. .-.. . .- ... . / ... . -. -.. / .... . .-.. .--. / .. / .- -- / ... - ..- -.-. -.- / .. -. / .- -. / .- -. - .. -- .- - - . .-. / -... .- ... . -- . -. - — Terrified AD player";
  559. case 500: return "Height of Roman comedy: 1 2 2 50";
  560. case 501: return "Pokemon Infinity and Eternity were just released! This new generation brings the total number of Pokemon up to 1e151. Good luck catching 'em all!";
  561. case 502: return "1e69 nice";
  562. case 503: return "Hello, I'm the news guy, I wrote all of these!";
  563. case 504: return "We will build an antimatter wall and make the ninth dimension pay for it.";
  564. case 505: return "Get on my antimatter lawn";
  565. case 506: return "Local old man replaces lawn with antimatter grass as a preventative measure to keep kids away. When he attempted to water it with normal water, however, there were no survivors.";
  566. case 507: return "Jake returned home from a long day at school. On his way home, he came across a curious little object. Transparent, but opaque. Shimmering, but gloomy. Heavy, but weightless. Jake brought the object to his mother. \"Mom, I found this thing on the sidewalk, can I keep it?\", Jake said. His mother turned around to view the object her son spoke of. Her pupils dilated, as she yelled \"Jake, get that thing out of the house now!\". Jake was confused, as it seemed quite the harmless thing to him. he asked \"But mom, wh-\", but before he could complete his sentence, the object appeared to undergo mitosis at what seemed like an impossible speed, and the second copy slipped out of his hand and onto the floor. His mother rushed over to him, and tried to grab the object, but it replicated yet again. \"Jake... No matter what happens, don't forget that I love you honey...\". She wrapped her arms around him. \"M-mom, what's happening?\" Jake asked, with a quivering fear in his voice. His mother cried a single tear, and answered her son's question \"⭔\u2B5A⦕꒜ brand Replicanti...\" she said, in a somber tone. The Replicanti began to replicate at a faster and faster pace. The bottom third of the house was now full of Replicanti. Then the bottom half. Then the entire house. The mother and child were trapped between the walls of their home, and the Replicanti. Doomed to live the short rest of their life in that inorganic coffin, as the air remaining in their lungs slowly depleted. But that wasn't the end; far from it, in fact. The Replicanti began to replicate outside of the house, flowing out in what some might have seen as a landslide. A few neighbours noticed the strange objects, almost liquid-like in their appearance. But the Replicanti continued to replicate, and accelerate. Soon the entire block was covered in them; was them. Shortly after, several blocks. The city. The surrounding cities. The country. All the countries. All the planet. All the solar system. All the galaxy. All.";
  567. case 508: return "The owner of a 2018 silver antimatter, please come to the front desk.";
  568. case 509: return "Want more antimatter? Ask all the electrons you see to be positive!";
  569. case 510: return "After numerous catastrophic annihilation events, antimatter is now classified as a controlled substance by the AFDA.";
  570. case 511: return "Hundreds of millions of people are living with the effects of global warming – some now irreversible. For those on the frontlines of climate change, developing coping mechanisms is a matter of survival. And yet the world is not paying enough attention to the need to adapt to a warming planet alongside our efforts to reduce our carbon emissions. We urgently need more resources, more collaboration and more political will to make adaptation a global priority, but the reality is...up in five hours.";
  571. case 512: return "As an antimatter of fact...";
  572. case 513: return "Hello, Vsauce, Michael here. We all know that the 9th dimension doesn't exist, but what is 9? You know it's the number after 8... right? What if... there's a number in between? And no I'm not talking about numbers like 8.5 or 8.76, I'm talking about an integer between 8 and 9. Now all this may sound crazy to you, and it kinda is, but what if, we've missed a number? We've all been taught that 2 comes after 1 and 3 comes after 2, but what if the number that comes after 8 isn't 9? After years of research and experimentation, we've finally found the number. It is dangerous, even knowing its existence will let it consume your mind, but fortunately, we've developed a reverse-containment cell, meaning it's everywhere except here. Our brain has a protection system, that specifically filters out any information regarding this number, that's how we've been able to survive for this long, and why others like us went extinct in the past, but the number has been getting stronger, slowly getting closer to breaking our protection. We've temporary stopped the number from slipping into our memory by using the world-wide memory manipulator located in this room to keep making everyone think that 9 comes after 8 with a side effect that makes everyone think that 9 is evil, but this won't last forever, as the number will keep getting stronger, and will eventually overpower the memory manipulator. That's why you're here, you're one of the most intelligent people here, and we hope you can help us on our journey to defeat that number. Our enemy is not 9, it is the hidden number between 8 and 9, the missing number.";
  573. case 514: return "Antimatter is defined as a material composed of the antiparticles (or \"partners\") of the corresponding particles of ordinary matter. Minuscule numbers of antiparticles are generated daily at particle accelerators – total production has been only a few nanograms[1] – and in natural processes like cosmic ray collisions and some types of radioactive decay, but only a tiny fraction of these have successfully been bound together in experiments to form anti-atoms. No macroscopic amount of antimatter has ever been assembled due to the extreme cost and difficulty of production and handling. A collision between any particle and its anti-particle partner leads to their mutual annihilation, giving rise to various proportions of intense photons (gamma rays), neutrinos, and sometimes less-massive particle-antiparticle pairs. Annihilation usually results in a release of energy that becomes available for heat or work. The amount of the released energy is usually proportional to the total mass of the collided matter and antimatter, in accordance with the mass–energy equivalence equation, E=mc2";
  574. case 515: return "Anti-trees grow on anti-money.";
  575. case 516: return player.timestudy.theorem.gte(B_0) ? "Time is money, money is power, knowledge is power. Time represents EP, power represents IP, and money represents antimatter. These three things create knowledge, Time Theorems." : "";
  576. case 517: return "\"You can never have too much antimatter.\" - someone who has never met you";
  577. case 518: return player.dilation.dilatedTime.gt(B_0) ? "I thought Time Dilation was the end, then Reality hit me." : "";
  578. case 519: return "9th dimension exists, but it is well hidden. I have finally found the method to access it. You have to sacrifice antimatter to Slabdrill, lord of all unhevi. Firstly, you have to reach 9.99e9.99e9 antimatter. Secondly, enter \"In the name of Slabdrill, lord of all unhevi, I, HeviHasSTDs, am here to find the true answer to antimatter dimensions.\" Finally, you have to perform the sacrifice to Slabdrill, by resetting the game using \"Reset the game\" button. After \"The sacrifice\", you should be able to access the 9th dimension.";
  579. case 520: return "404 matter not found";
  580. case 521: return "Wait, there's a PC version";
  581. case 522: return "Wait, there's a mobile version?";
  582. case 523: return "Imagine yourself being chased by a group of antimatters, you get to a place where you have to choose between two different paths. One say anti and the other says matter. You run into the wall between them and escape.";
  583. case 524: return "You are being watched.";
  584. case 525: return "you expected news, but was me dio!";
  585. case 526: return "I love you 1e3000";
  586. case 527: return "If you find your infinity lasting longer than 5 hours please contact a medical professional.";
  587. case 528: return "OH GOD THE WORLD IS GONNA END WE'RE ALL GONNA D- Oh, it's not for another 5 hours? We'll be fine.";
  588. case 529: return "If this makes it into the game I'll cheat and give myself +1 Antimatter";
  589. case 530: return "\"Today, a young man on acid realized that all matter is merely energy condensed to a slow vibration – that we are all one consciousness experiencing itself subjectively. There is no such thing as death, life is only a dream, and we are the imagination of ourselves. Here's Tom with the weather.\" - Bill Hicks";
  590. case 531: return "What's a ticker?";
  591. case 532: return "The Tickspeed Challenge used Taunt! Its very effective!";
  592. case 533: return "One's for everyone, One's for dads. One is history, One's a fad. Happiness in one, others make you mad. Minecraft good, Fortnite bad.";
  593. case 534: return "Rated A for Anti-Matter";
  594. case 535: return "I couldn't agree more with the previous news ticker! It's just way too real!";
  595. case 536: return "newts-sicker-tuggestions";
  596. case 537: return "@Hevipelle bet you won't put this on the news";
  597. case 538: return "Generic news";
  598. case 539: return "Welcome back, oh, almighty creator of our anti-reality. We, the many dimensions you have created and nurtured, hope our performance while you were gone has been pleasing for you. We are only able to speak to you through this \"news ticker\" every so often, and only have enough time to thank you for letting us all be part of your bigger pro-o-j---- ---aking news: man claims to have been 'spoken to' by the universe itself through their phone, through a mobile game.";
  599. case 540: return "Do you want to write a news ticker? Well too bad, the game is finished so we're not taking new ones.";
  600. case 541: return "If you see this, you saw this.";
  601. case 542: return "You either die as antimatter or live long enough to become matter.";
  602. case 543: return "Breaking news: lunatic starts to praise antimatter as if it were some form of god. Many others join in on this cultist behaviour by playing some odd game through the phones. Is this the start of a new craze? More of this after the weather forecast.";
  603. case 544: return "Thank you for letting me be in this, Timothy, I'm Kevin Growel, I'll be saying the weather forecast today! down in the south there seems to be a nasty wave of antimatter swirling into existence thanks to the work of a lunatic scientist. This madman created a machine to \"generate antimatter\" through some weird process I can't possibly explain to ya, but things seem to be getting quite out of hand. In other, related news, people reportedly \"can see beyond the stars thanks to the antimatter clouds\". Could be just how there is literally millions of mini-explosions happening from the clouds of antimatter constantly clashing with the air, but hey, who am I to judge? Well, this has been the weather segment, back to you, Timothy.";
  604. case 545: return "Breaking news: a group of scientists have built a machine capable of producing and storing antimatter. Most public opinion within the scientific community questions the practical uses of this, but for now, this is a breakthrough of the century!";
  605. case 546: return "Breaking news: maddened \"antimatter scientist\" keeps on babbling about antimatter \"beauty\", as if it were talking about some geometric scenery, or some beautiful painting. (seriously, what is wrong with this guy?)";
  606. case 547: return "Antimatter... is like a point in space. call it a \"0th dimension\", if you will. Now what ARE 1st dimensions? They are the many lines that are created by the antimatter, to make more of itself. Now how does the antimatter create more 1st dimensions? Through 2nd dimensions, the constructs made entirely of a growing infinity of 1st dimensions within their size. And 3rd dimensions? Expanded 2nd dimensions. So on and so forth. Do you see where I'm going with this?! Isn't this just so... so fasci-- --we interrupt this message to bring you the following, far more important breaking news: There has been yet another incident between celebrities. This is very important information, believe us.";
  607. case 548: return "Good mornging. That was not a typo. The inventors of English made the typo.";
  608. case 549: return "Tick. There is no tock; this is a news ticker, not a news ticker tocker or a news tocker.";
  609. case 550: return "That's what she said.";
  610. case 551: return "What if... uh... I don't really know where I was going with this.";
  611. case 552: return "Because of the time passage, the new update will release in 4,9999999999(9) hours";
  612. case 553: return "I love reading these news... Wait why am I a news?";
  613. case 554: return "What? You want lore? Well, you've come to the right place, cuz there is none here, I think.";
  614. case 555: return "You are now manually breathing.";
  615. case 556: return "Help we are stuck in Hevipelle's basement and he's forcing us to make new ticker lines.";
  616. case 557: return "Heyy- do you want touch antimatter with me? Haha just joking. Unless?";
  617. case 558: return "Matter is the opposite of antimatter, does that mean people made of antimatter think they are made of matter?";
  618. case 559: return "Don't cut me off in the mid-";
  619. case 560: return "You just lost The Game";
  620. case 561: return "You can now feel your tongue inside of your mouth.";
  621. case 562: return "Breaking news-oh, wait, it's just another florida man story. Nevermind, this isn't news, let's just skip on over to the weather.";
  622. case 563: return "\"I think I will pass it as an official feature for now\" - kajfik on a newly discovered bug";
  623. case 564: return "\uD83D\uDE82 \uD83D\uDE93 \uD83D\uDE93";
  624. case 565: return "that's a good one put that in";
  625. case 566: return "nerf ic5 plz";
  626. case 567: return "nerf c9 plz";
  627. case 568: return "One winner, 1.79e308 losers. I eat losers for breakfast.";
  628. case 569: return "One, two, skip a few, 99, 1.79e308! unexcpected factorial";
  629. case 570: return "What is Antimatter? Dimboost don't help me. Don't help me. No more.";
  630. case 571: return "If you’re reading this, you’ve been in coma for almost 20 years now. We’re trying a new technique. We don’t know where this message will end up in your dream, but we hope it works. Please wake up, we miss you.";
  631. case 572: return "this game has too many options";
  632. case 573: return "It is thanks to you that the universe has encountered purpose other than to be filled with matter. It is thanks to you that we exist, us, your antimatter creations. We cannot thank you enough for what you have done for all of us. We will now pr---- --reaking news: the antimatter group keeps on having more and more members. What this may mean for the future of the world itself's sanity is but a mystery.";
  633. case 574: return "If we named countries after their respective subatomic particles, Switzerland would be the neutron.";
  634. case 575: return "Kirby said antimatter rights.";
  635. case 576: return "A boy discovers AD and falls in love with it, plays it till the end then wants to find out about its development and reads that it is indeed 5 hours away. All happy he sets an alarm and plays something else during an afternoon. But on the fourth hour come evening he notices that things seem kind of slowing down, but he doesn't realize it clearly yet. In the last 15 minutes he goes down to eat dinner and starts freaking out seeing how everything starts slowing down to a crawl. Eventually he tracks the source down to the alarm, but he can't do anything except see it more and more slowly tick down as he descends into madness and the photons start slowing so much as to leave him in eternal darkness, forever.";
  636. case 577: return "Once upon a time, there was the 0th dimension. God knows what happened, but antimatter appeared, and the 1st dimension was commenced. From there on, more antimatter was made, making a second dimension. This Dimension is the granddaddy of all the dimensions because you are looking at this two dimensional news ticker idly scroll across your screen. This caused fluctuation in antimatter, multiplying over and over until the third dimension was made. Then the fourth. Then the fifth. All the way up to the eighth. Now, you ask, why isn't there an ninth dimension? Well, REDACTED caused the REDACTED to fluctuate and made more REDACTED until the REDACTED caused the REDACTED, ultimately causing the REDACTED of your REDACTED. That's why. Don't ask any more stupid questions.";
  637. case 578: return "Antimatter is nothing. It is also everything. That's because nothing is everything, and everything was nothing. You are Antimatter.";
  638. case 579: return "iNeedToTakeABreakFromCoding();";
  639. case 580: return "Wow there is a bunch of new news.";
  640. case 581: return "BREAKING NEWS: how do I fix the news if I broke it?";
  641. case 582: return "Your keyboard is disconnected. Press any key to continue.";
  642. case 583: return "Please send all game suggestions to kajf.jakub@gmail.com so they can be added to the next 5 hourly update.";
  643. case 584: return "Our sponsored drink, 5 hour energy, will be sold in 5 hours.";
  644. case 585: return "Level 10 crook, Level 1.79e308 Boss, that's how AD works.";
  645. case 586: return "Spend antimatter to get more antimatter, STONKS";
  646. case 587: return "The real goal of the Area 51 Raid was to prove the existence of the 9th Dimension.";
  647. case 588: return player.eternities.eq(B_0) ? "oh yeah hold that max button" : "";
  648. case 589: return "All of my antimatter turned into pizza, it broke my save and stole my pants!";
  649. case 590: return "Anti-oil has been discovered in the waters of the Atlantic Flank near New York! The anti-oil tanker moved north to Boston to deposit all of it. However, one careless fisherman took an anti-box and picked it up with a special pair of anti-normal-gloves and started tossing out boxes and boxes of it into the bay. There were no living survivors for hundreds of miles.";
  650. case 591: return "Not my cup of anti-tea.";
  651. case 592: return "Did you know the word 'bed' looks like a bed?";
  652. case 593: return "Day 308 - it's been so many days now, antimatter's still outside my bunker. I ran out of food and water, I really have to be cautious when going out. I hear so many explosions outside that I think I've become deaf. I think I'm the only person alive on this planet infested with antimatter, and I really need to survive. The guide book on how to survive with antimatter is unreliable, as I am needing more materials. The antimatter keeps on growing exponentially, and it has already made 2 galaxies, and soon the big crunch will happe-wait, wait-WAIT NO NOT NOW NOT THE BIG CRUNCH NOT THE ANTIMAT-";
  653. case 594: return "Don't listen to the next message! Don't listen to the previous message!";
  654. case 595: return "This app is stable. Unlike the antimatter that you hold in your hands.";
  655. case 596: return "\"Who the heck is slabdrill anyway\"- new player after 5 days of gameplay.";
  656. case 597: return "Antimatter is like a wind... Always by my side.";
  657. case 598: return "Channel 7 News will be right back after a short word from our sponsors.";
  658. case 599: return "Local man tries making antimatter by gluing magnets together.";
  659. case 600: return "How much of what candy bar do you need to buy a big crunch though? Two milky ways.";
  660. case 601: return "The owner of an iPhone with a gray and blurple phonecase, please come to lost and found to retrie- FRICK! Was that an explosion!? Near lost and found?!?! Welp, Owner of a iPhone with a gray and blurple phonecase please disregard this message, and the large explosion near lost and found and continue with your everyday routine.";
  661. case 602: return "\"Joins the discord server just to submit suggestions.\"";
  662. case 603: return "I stole this news ticker creator from a scientist and I am writing this in hopes that it gets to you. The 9th dimension is r";
  663. case 604: return "slaps roof of 8th dimension \"this bad boy can fit so many sacrifices in it\"";
  664. case 605: return "AD Player: \"How many orders of magnitude are you on?\". Normal person: \"Like, maybe 5 or 6 right now, my dude.\". AD Player: \"You are like a little baby. Watch this: C R O N C H\".";
  665. case 606: return "Eh, can't be bothered to type this ou-";
  666. case 607: return "Banana banana banana banana?";
  667. case 608: return "Drug dealer selling matter was arrested. Now for the 5pm news.";
  668. case 609: return "The sound of a garage door opening is the equivalent of listening to your microwave.";
  669. case 610: return "Who ever laced anti-Rick's cigar with matter, just know, you screwed up";
  670. case 611: return "\"Are we going to keep lying to them?\" \"Yes Hevi, they have no reason to believe that the 9th dimension exists.\" \"Oops sorry Kajfik, left the recorder on.\" \"YOU FOO-\"";
  671. case 612: return "Any way the wind blows doesn't antimatter to me, to MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM";
  672. case 613: return "ight, bout to head out";
  673. case 614: return "oh gosh look at the time! only 5 hours until the update";
  674. case 615: return "Please Crunch Responsibly";
  675. case 616: return "Don't you hate it when you get the same ticker twice in a row? Don't you hate it when you get the same ticker twice in a row?";
  676. case 617: return "A new cafe opened up accepting antimatter as payment.";
  677. case 618: return "The cafe shut down after someone ordered 1.7e308 coffees.";
  678. case 619: return "Hi my name is Max and I would like it if people stopped trying to put a pressure on me.";
  679. case 620: return player.options.updateRate != 50 ? "Hey you. Yes you. Turn your update rate up to 50 ms." : "";
  680. case 621: return "Do not use while ÄÄÄÄÄ.";
  681. case 622: return "Click here to disassemble the news ticker for a trace amount of useless paperclips.";
  682. case 623: return "click here to disable news";
  683. case 624: return "These news tickers aren't moving from left to right. Their gravity is actually abnormal, so down for them is to the left. This is news ticker terminal velocity.";
  684. case 625: return "I wonder if Antimatter is a crafting material";
  685. case 626: return "lol 3rd Dimensions were so popular they made them into a real thing";
  686. case 627: return "Hopping clockwise through dimensions is a dangerous thing... Especially since there is no 9th dimension, so if you were going clockwise, you would fall into the eternal abyss after 8. Like we said, dangerous.";
  687. case 628: return "Welcome to AD, where you'll always be upping the anti.";
  688. case 629: return "insert massive spoiler here";
  689. case 630: return "antimatter (ˈantɪˌmatə) - matter consisting of elementary particles which are the antiparticles of those making up normal matter";
  690. case 631: return "\"welcome use #mobile for mobile check pins k bye\" - earth bot";
  691. case 632: return "I am an Anti-Dwarf and I'm digging an Anti-Hole, diggy diggy Anti-Hole, I'm digging an Anti-Hole";
  692. case 633: return "Anti-kittens found farming anti-catnip and praising anti-suns in the 8th dimension!";
  693. case 634: return "Factories all around the world started producing Antimatter. They say that the stock market hasn't yet noticed that you're producing it by metric tons, then they're still making a lot of money out of it.";
  694. case 635: return "\"You can come up with the stupidest quote, credit it to some famous person, and people will believe it.\" -Barack Obama";
  695. case 636: return "\"Have you ever thought that you're really you and not someone else, how you're the one inside your head and not on someone else's head\" -Hevipelle";
  696. case 637: return "According to all recognized definitions, this is anything but 'standard'. The term 'standard notation' carries with it a very specific definition across the globe. The developer, of course, implements it anyway because developers don't care what the French Academy of Sciences think is standard. Scientific, standard. Scientific, standard. Scientific, standard. Scientific, standard. Ooh, Mixed scientific! Let's shake it up a little.";
  697. case 638: return "If 7 8 9, then to have 9th dimensions we would need to avoid buying 7th dimensions. But the 9th dimension would create 8th dimensions, which would create 7th dimensions. That's why we can't have 9th dimensions.";
  698. case 639: return "UK English localization is now available under the name Auntymatter Dimensions";
  699. case 640: return "I'm sorry Dave, I'm afraid I can't do that";
  700. case 641: return "My dimensions bring all the antimatter to the yard.";
  701. case 642: return "You've been asleep for " + player.totalTimePlayed + ", you need to wake up.";
  702. case 643: return "\"I can't breathe. Please move your finger.\" -Max";
  703. case 644: return "The news start coming and they don't stop coming and they don't stop coming and they don't stop coming and they don't stop coming and they don't stop coming and they don't stop coming and they don't stop coming and they don't stop coming and they don't stop coming and they don't stop coming and they don't stop coming and I was lying.";
  704. case 645: return "Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock. That is the sound of a ticking atomic clock. An atomic click that keeps your time by going tick. Tock. Tick. Tock. Concentrate on the ambience. Focus on the peacefulness of the ticking. Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock- oh crap I just missed my news ticker";
  705. case 646: return "Click here to turn me upside down!";
  706. case 647: return "On the left, you'll see an antimatter galaxy! Kids, remember, these are very useful in winning in life. On the right side, you can see a clump of standard matter. Remember kids, never touch! Now let's get out and - BOOM!";
  707. case 648: return "🚂🚃🚃🚃🚃🚃🚃🚃🚃🚃🚃🚃🚃🚃🚃🚃🚃🚃🚃🚃🚃🚃🚃🚃🚃🚃🚃🚃🚃🚃🚃🚃🚃🚃🚃🚃🚃🚃🚃🚃🚃🚃🚃🚃🚃🚃🚃🚃🚃🚃🚃🚃🚃🚃🚃🚃🚃🚃🚃🚃🚃🚃🚃🚃🚃🚃🚃";
  708. case 649: return "Come friend, click here to join the party!";
  709. case 650: return "If Antimatter is so good, why is there no Antimatter 2?";
  710. case 651: return "im just gonna reach antimatter in letter notation then uninstall the game";
  711. case 652: return "Not enough dopamine hits? Try working out!";
  712. case 653: return "Don’t read the news ticker for too long. Your screen will start moving!";
  713. case 654: return "Dimensions are producing lower tier dimensions. You are producing the 8th dimensions. You are the 9th dimension.";
  714. case 655: return player.eternityChalls[4] > 0 ? "The far galaxies do appear to be getting closer, but experts say not to worry, they're still over an angstrom away... Wait, what's an angstrom again?" : "";
  715. case 656: return "So how do you unlock the fishing minigame here?";
  716. case 657: return "How do I end up in the news?";
  717. case 658: return player.brake ? "Hey you, you're finally awake. You were trying to fix Infinity, right?" : "";
  718. case 659: return "The phrase \"Antimatter dimensions\" contains all vowels except one, and this is the story of that missing vowel : Long, long time ago, when there was no reality, no eternity, no infinity, no galaxy, no dimensional boost, only chaos in the pool of antimatter, there were 5 tribes : α, ε, ι, ο, υ. Each tribe represented an element in the anti world : α had the power of flame, a relentless phoenix that sets everything on fire. ε had the power of water, a dragon that washes the dimension. As for ι, they had the power of air, encircle everything in pale green. ο had the power of earth, tremble the brown earth with the force. Finally, υ held the power of matter: shiny and matte, hard and brittle, transparent and hazy. No words can describe the power of matter. No jars can seal it, no force can stop it. Once activated, the world will be forever gone, and only frags of matter will remain in the emptiness. With its godly power, υ was promoted to be the lord of all tribes, and everyone lived in fear. One day, Hevipelle, the lord of all hevi, broke the barrier of Antimatter Dimensions, and led everyone to safety: he sealed the power of matter with a challenge; he created galaxies, infinity, eternity, reality; υ was exiled to the matter dimensions far far away; it was removed from the QWERTY. Finally, he created his empire of antimatter there, in the Antimatter Dimensions, and he named the 4 dimensions α, ε, ι, and ο. υ was never seen again.";
  719. case 660: return "Infinite hotel? Trivag∞";
  720. case 661: return "Only ~69% can make it to Infinity.";
  721. case 662: return "To be fair, you have to have a very high IQ to understand the news ticker. The humor is extremely subtle, and without a solid grasp of quantum physics, most of the jokes will go over a typical player's head.";
  722. case 663: return "Did you know staring at a news ticker can give you motion sickness?";
  723. case 664: return "Want to make a number bigger? Just say it louder!!! Disclaimer: doesn't work on 1 and 2.";
  724. case 665: return "why does everyone keep saying the update is in 5 hours when i have it at 50ms";
  725. case 666: return "!rank";
  726. case 667: return "The debate on the singular form of Replicanti rages on. Team Replicantus's base has been ransacked by Team Also Replicanti, and many of their dimensions were stolen. Team The Plural Is Replicantis is still lying low after their plan to hack the dictionary failed.";
  727. case 668: return "If I give you 5 Replicanti and John gives you 10 Replicanti, how many do you have? That's right, it's Infinity!";
  728. case 669: return "If you say \"the 9th Dimension is real\" 69 times, someone from the 9th dimension will say nice, and then you will be banned because no one can know that the 9th Dimension i...";
  729. case 670: return "If your graphics are acting strange, try toggling antimatter aliasing.";
  730. case 671: return "The first news ticker must've been like";
  731. case 672: return "Uhh... Hi. I'm not quite sure how I got up here in this bar. I don't even know if I'm supposed to be up here. Can you please not tell Hevi?";
  732. case 673: return "All is fair in love and antimatter.";
  733. case 674: return "Antimatter should have as many rights as matter lefts.";
  734. case 675: return "don't forget to do your house chores, love";
  735. case 676: return "Why haven't you even reached double ordinal collapsing yet.";
  736. case 677: return "the whole bee movie script that cannot be skipped unless you close the application";
  737. case 678: return "The year is 3333. Hevipelle merged ng^28374 and ng/696969 with AD. There are over 1e45 prestige/prestige^/prestige^^/prestige^^^ layers. Breaking_Breaking_Breaking_Timeline is a common thing now. 1.79eeee308 AIs are hired to balance the new \"Pneumonoultramicroscopicvolcanoconiosis\" prestige^^^ layer. The list of prestige names are stored across timelines and parallel universes. There are over 1e99 different news ticker and people are buying a save with secret achievements for 1ee308 antimatter. Hevipelle is still trying hard to keep up with ng+3, which is still going like crazy. Reality is not even a thing. Infinity points are completely useless and have been removed. People are able to reach Sc(Uhp{TREE..∞...TREE}∞, BRANCH 5) antimatter. The new \"Sc Uhp Branch\" notation is invented 5 hours ago to represent the large numbers and \"Penta-leaves\" notation is being developed.";
  738. case 679: return "You must be cheating, there's no way anyone could get numbers this big legitimately.";
  739. case 680: return "The Big Foot has been seen roaming the 7th dimension according to local antimatter.";
  740. case 681: return "Bananas are rich in potassium, including potassium-40, which decays by positron emission. Those positrons are antimatter.";
  741. case 682: return "When Little Timmy played ad, One nice and shiny day, He thought it would be cool to see, The Tickspeed from Milky Way. \"I will make a BUTTON\" he said, \"The biggest our universe has seen!\" And Hevi told him \"Go ahead, But please don't forget sunscreen.\" After 5 hours of ring-ding-cling, \"It's finished!\" he proudly cried. So Little Timmy clicked the thing. And Timmy fricking died.";
  742. case 683: return "Don't forget to brush your teeth and watch your " + shortenRateOfChange(getAdBonus()) + "x advertisement before bed!";
  743. case 684: return "I'm gonna say the N-word! Ninth Dime";
  744. case 685: return "Once upon a time, there was matters, and there was antimatters. Being opposites, they were foes, but they never wanted a war, knowing that the result will be catastrophic. Unfortunately, IC the 6th, the leader of the matters at the time, decided to commence a war on the antimatters. The matter started with a sneak attack, the antimatters had no idea the matters was going to attack, so they suffered a loss, and their base was absolutely destroyed because of the matter-antimatter annihilation. The war was a quick one, being the first to act gave the matters an advantage, an advantage the antimatters couldn't overcome. The matters committed genocide on the antimatters. The matters is now the dominant type of matter in the universe, but as you can see, the antimatters is making a comeback. They've harnessed the powers of dimensions, and was granted the blessings of Hevi, their god, which during the time of the war, had been sleeping. With the powers of the dimensions, the antimatters... or should I say, WE should be able to take over the matters and take back the peace we've always deserved!";
  745. case 686: return "News Ticker#1337 has been warned, Reason: Real news";
  746. case 687: return "iosplz";
  747. case 688: return "Please stop reporting about increased presence of crabs after buying STD coins. For the last time, it's a feature.";
  748. case 689: return "The wars between Kajfik and Hevipelle continue, reaching unprecedented highests as Hevi enlists all of his helpers in the creation of the celestials, which Hevi proclaims shall never be topped by the dreaded Kajfik. Yet Kajfik keeps a close eye on the proceedings... and has made some double agents, spies on the eternal greatness of Hevi...";
  749. case 690: return "Welcome! For questions and suggestions about/for the web version, please use #mobile. For questions about progression, use the channel below your corresponding progression discussion channel (if you are looking in one of these channels, ignore the pins! They have a lot of misinformation and it wastes everyone's time). For suggestions and bugs for the mobile version, please use #suggestions and #bugs-and-glitches respectively.";
  750. case 691: return "Being forced to make news is becoming the only thing I know, I started to question myself being stuck here forever writing news upon news upon news. What happens if I end up making news about where I am, who I am, what I am? They'll never let me see my darling wife again... The outside world seems so far... all I know is... antimatter... 5 hours...";
  751. case 692: return "Florida man discovers antimatter and leads to multiverse destruction.";
  752. case 693: return "YoU cAn'T gEt EvErY sTuDy So ThE gAmE iS iNcOmPlEtE i'M lEaViNg ThE sErVeR aNd UnInStAlLiNg ThE gAmE";
  753. case 694: return "Any song: Has the word \"Matter\". News Ticker: It's free real estate.";
  754. case 695: return "\uD83D\uDE9C \uD83D\uDE93 \uD83D\uDE93";
  755. case 696: return "\uD83D\uDEE5 \uD83D\uDE93 \uD83D\uDE93";
  756. case 697: return "What do you call a big-crunched universe? Re-verse";
  757. case 698: return "New \"Anti-Maxxer\" movement refuses to use Max All, claiming it causes Butterfly Effect Syndrome. None of them have Infinitied more than once.";
  758. case 699: return "Now hold on, I know what you’re thinking, \"An M press is an M press, you can’t say it’s only a half!\" Well, TJ \"Slabdrill\" Yoshi, hear me out. An M press actually has three parts to it, when M is pressed, when M is held, and when M is released. Now, usually is the pressing that’s useful because that’s the only part that matters, however, sometimes it’s sufficient to just use the holding part, which also buys dimensions and tickspeed upgrades. And as for the release, well, there’s currently no cases where that’s useful or important, so don’t worry about that part. Now, if we map out the required presses for challenge 2 it would look like this: /¯\\. We merely need to hold (¯) M to reach the first galaxy, we need to press (/) M to finish the challenge, and we need to press M again to start another challenge. So, how many presses is that total? Well, it appears to be three, and if we were doing this eternity in isolation then yes, it would be three, but in a full-game M Button Challenge run there are other M presses that occur earlier in the run, such as the M press needed for the first infinity, so if we take that M press into consideration as well, then how many M presses does it take? The naïve answer would be four, one to enter the challenge, and the three within the challenge we established earlier, however, we can do better. We can actually do it in three by simply holding out the first M press to be used for the half M press, because the half M press only required M to be held, not actually pressed, so in this fashion, Challenge 2 only adds on an additional two M presses to the run, since the first M press just leeches off the previous M press, so to capture this phenomenon, we call it 2.5 M presses, on a single eternity basis, you’d round up that up to three, but in a full game run, you’d round it down to two. So, in conclusion, since that first M press counts in other contexts, but adds no additional presses in other contexts, we refer to it as Half M Press.";
  759. case 700: return "It seems that the Replicanti have a very divide-and-conquer method of doing things. Well, everything at this rate.";
  760. case 701: return "Aachu! Oops, sorry, I sneezed there.";
  761. case 702: return "The news ticker is the best source of news in all 9 dimensions!";
  762. case 703: return "Omsi: it knows. The People: Whaotknothunkservxy?";
  763. case 704: return "Paperclips have been discovered to be completely useless. This makes Paperclip Maximizers the maximum amount of useless.";
  764. case 705: return "Are you up to date on the newsticker meta? The pros have their news speed at 150% to maximize their paperclip gain.";
  765. case 706: return "The real reason this game is called Antimatter Dimensions and not Matter Dimensions is cause matter was too Hevi.";
  766. case 707: return "A new prestige layer has been announced: Maternity. Get ready to have a baby!";
  767. case 708: return "Grandmas from a parallel universe invade ours to take antimatter for cookies? News and more at 5.";
  768. case 709: return "AD speedrunner quits after a tomato beats him";
  769. case 710: return "Dear sirs, it has come to my attention that I have unwittingly amassed a gaggle of idling citations that I was previously unaware of. As a result you have confiscated my tk421e111 Galaxy Class Cruiser and levied a hefty fine against its release. Unbeknownst to you when you towed it, it was laden with dimensional deflector cores I picked up from the 56x433e22nd Division of Mechanical Reconstitution of Accelerated Particle Propulsion Systems in the Andromeda Republic. Considering the current core shortage and the exponentially rising costs, to avoid all out galactic armageddon I request that my ship and it's cargo be returned to me immediately. Enclosed find my payment of $4667x342.6e308 and expedite delivery immediately. Andromeda's elite are aware of the situation and have agreed to give you -72x6e5 days to comply or suffer the consequences. Thank you for your time...... -random letter to the Earthican Pohleese Department pulled from the eternity wide web.";
  770. case 711: return "I have an ant farm, and I want to make them into the world's smallest soccer team. My Aunt Diana wants to help, and together we gather everyone in the family to plan their season. \"How can we make this Ant Team matter?\", Di mentions.";
  771. case 712: return "Where's the skill tree?";
  772. case 713: return "Lord Hevipelle...forgive me for what I must do... Alexa, buy one 9th dimension...";
  773. case 714: return "Th lttr fll in antimattr and no longr xists";
  774. case 715: return "Shoes shops are now selling \"Dimensional Boots\".";
  775. case 716: return "\"Nobody gets credited for these anyways\" -Socks#1167";
  776. case 717: return "Hey antimatters, Hevi here...";
  777. case 718: return "Click this ticker for free pizza!";
  778. case 719: return "oh look, more jojo references";
  779. case 720: return "autocoerect is buööshiy";
  780. case 721: return "Have you ever heard the tragedy of \uD83E\uDD80 the Infinite?";
  781. case 722: return "Who is Max";
  782. case 723: return "What is Max";
  783. case 724: return "Why is Max";
  784. case 725: return "what's up with all these weird news tickers with conditions and mechanics that kajfik will never code";
  785. case 726: return "there are no tickers that appear when something happens, we can't do that";
  786. case 727: return "In Australia, dimension 6 doesn't exist";
  787. case 728: return "Is this the real 9th? Is this Eternity? Caught in a DimBoost, no escape from Reality...";
  788. case 729: return "shouldn't the newsticker speed be affected by tickspeed";
  789. case 730: return "If you ever turn the newsticker off you can turn in back on in Options - UI - Top bar, but you need to have the Battery saver mode disabled.";
  790. case 731: return "Standard, as a notation, is more cancer than the notation that's named \"Cancer\"";
  791. case 732: return "H̷̴͍e̢͘͜l҉̼̬̖ṕ̸͙ ̛͕͘I̢̯̕'̧̟͢ḿ̰̪ ̩͠ͅs̯̮̱t͟҉̟͓̺u͖̬̕c͕͍ͅk̤͙ͅ ̧̖̜i̴̵̦n̘̗ ̶̮̀t̵͞͠h͏̶̗e̵͜͡ ̱͝͝9̧̳͍ț̸̫h͉͔͜ ̬̤̯d͎͟͢i҉̙̺̰m̦͓͜ḛ̥͝ṇ̢͞s͜͠͠i̙̜̕o̸͚̠n̡̛͘";
  792. case 733: return "Warning: prolonged exposure to the news tickers can cause severe cringe at the puns written on them and may induce one to do insane things like giving the game a 1 star review, if you feel like this is happening we recommend turning off the news (Options - Top bar) and watching the show \"big numbers getting bigger™";
  793. case 734: return "\"Yo hevipelle, vibe check\" buys a 9th dimension";
  794. case 735: return "3.6 stars. Not great, not terrible.";
  795. case 736: return "Congratulations to the composer and sound director for their excellent work with these soundtracks.";
  796. case 737: return "It seems like each and every one of these news tickers is getting less and less original. It's all full of 5 hour, anti-jokes, and things that have been said before. Additionally, the news ticker has even improved to do better and better things, like custom HTML, and- Wait. What did you just say? Someone's tried to make a news ticker like this one before? Well, that just proves my point, doesn't it?";
  797. case 738: return player.brake ? "Infinity is dead, long live Infinity!" : "";
  798. case 739: return "If I turn my sock inside out, the entire universe is inside my sock.";
  799. case 740: return "\"I don’t really get these news. Why they exist in the first place.\" - Toveri";
  800. case 741: return "You're doing great buddy.";
  801. case 742: return "People are always talking about why the 9th Dimension doesn't exist, but why do the first 8 Dimensions exist?";
  802. case 743: return "Just like how anagram is an anagram of anagram, matter is a matter of matter.";
  803. case 744: return "Dont trust matter. It makes up everything.";
  804. case 745: return "Breaking News... Hold on I forgot my waffles";
  805. case 746: return "Big Crunch is overrated. Give us smol bite.";
  806. case 747: return "Wait, if I put a message in this channel it gets added to the game?";
  807. case 748: return "What are useless paperclips for?";
  808. case 749: return "Make sure to check out the game's music composer on Soundcloud!";
  809. case 750: return "And now, the anti-weather. Scattered showers will be rising from the ground for most of the morning, followed by sunny spells where it'll be a balmy 0 Kelvin in the shade. Wrap up cold people!";
  810. case 751: return "I feel like this game is becoming a addiction, the only thing i dream about is dimensions and big numbers.";
  811. case 752: return "Every day we stray further from matter.";
  812. case 753: return "People keep making news tickers that only make sense for mobile, so this one only appears on PC!";
  813. case 754: return "How to bake a replicanti cake: Gather some replicanti, place in oven, and watch rise. And rise. And rise.";
  814. case 755: return "Sometimes I intentionaly leave speling erors in news ticker mesages to anoy people.";
  815. case 756: return "Hi! I'm a News Ticker. Bye!";
  816. case 757: return "Finally i don't need to click any buttons except for these ones.";
  817. case 758: return "Hevi, the original developer, promotes disbelief in the 9th dimension. Kajfik, the mobile dev, urges people not to trust in the autobuyer of the 5th dim, the middle dimension. Are we to theorize from this information the coming of a Third Developer, who will accept the existence of the 0th dimension? Only time will tell.";
  818. case 759: return "You only rated this game 5 stars? I needed to break Infinity to give it the rating it deserved.";
  819. case 760: return "The Fitnessgram Challenge 11 is a multistage exponent capacity test that progressively gets more difficult as it continues. The infinite antimatter test will start in 30 ms. Hold M at the start. The matter speed starts slowly but gets faster each minute as you hear this signal bodeboop. A single boost should be completed every time you hear this sound. Ding! Remember to galaxy as soon as possible and increase antimatter exponentially. The moment the matter exceeds the antimatter, the test is over. The test will begin on the word Crunch. On your mark. Get ready! Crunch. Ding!";
  820. case 761: return "Loading free upgrades......50%.......80%.........99%. Error could not connect to 9th di-[redacted]";
  821. case 762: return "While I do question Hevi's decision to make the next prestige layer about buying and selling houses, it's his game, so I'll trust him on this one. Oh wait, you said Reality?";
  822. case 763: return "It is possible to know all the digits of pi, but not their order.";
  823. case 764: return "#TeamTrees";
  824. case 765: return "Everything in the universe is either potato or not potato.";
  825. case 766: return Notations.getCurrentNotation().name().equals("Cancer") ? "You are using the Cancer notation just for the achievement... right?" : " ";
  826. case 767: return "What if Hevipelle is Kajfik?";
  827. case 768: return "\uD83D\uDC14 \uD83D\uDE93 \uD83D\uDE93";
  828. case 769: return "(edited)";
  829. case 770: return "News tickers have been falling this whole time? If you slow down their speed, does that mean they have feather fall? Save your News tickers people!";
  830. case 771: return "A curious AD player tapped the news ticker that said it would give a notification for every antimatter produced. There were no survivors.";
  831. case 772: return "The path of the righteous kaj is beset on all sides by the inequities of the slabdrill and the tyranny of evil spec. Blessed is he who, in the name of charity and good will, shepherds the weak through the valley of pre-infinity, for he is truly his brother’s keeper and the finder of lost children. And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who would attempt to implement and balance the 9th Dimension. And you will know My name is Hevi when I lay My vengeance upon thee.";
  832. case 773: return "sample text";
  833. case 774: return "Here I am again! miss me?";
  834. case 775: return "Hello? Can you see this? It's me, I mean you... from the future. You.... Me..... Us... We're trapped in some kind of infinite loop. You think time is passing but it's going in circles. In your heart you know I'm right. Don't you feel sometimes like you're just watching the same things tick by endlessly, repeating again and again? When you woke up this morning, you thought only a night had passed but it had been so much longer. Millennia... Eons. If you don't find a way to stop it, soon you'll be here sending this message. Trapped forever in an infinite loop. You have to stop it. You have to break the cycle. Find a way.";
  835. case 776: return "Research into anti-matter has recently found that just like matter, anti-matter particles have a periodic table of elements. Their study has been challenging, but perhaps the greatest challenge has been naming the new anti-elements or, \"antiments\". So far they have hydrogone, helinone, notxygen, myranium and backwards sulphur. After firing the guy that came up with that one, researchers have appealed to the public to name the rest. One dishevelled researcher was reported to say \"what are we supposed to do about anti-antimony? Do we call it mony? Or do we rename antimony and call THIS one antimony? It's just impossible!\" More on this story as it develops.";
  836. case 777: return "We all know you're just reading the ticker to see if your own suggestion made it in.";
  837. case 778: return "in the reality update you'll start generating paperclips, so that 1 paperclip that you've had for forever will finally be useful, and you know what that means, 9th dimens-";
  838. case 779: return "Bumber bifteen: Burger bing boot bettuce. Bhe bast bhing bou'd bant bin bour Burger Bing burger bis bomeone's boot bungus. But bas bit burns bout, bhat bight be bhat bou bet.";
  839. case 780: return "There are so many news tickers now that this one won't get added into the game and you won't see it.";
  840. case 781: return "This is one of those ridiculously long news tickers that will literally drive you mad because you're only going to notice how long it is when like half of it has already passed you by and then you have to just stick with the half you read and be really irritated because what you're reading lacks all sort of context. Yes, if only you paid attention to how this news ticker started...";
  841. case 782: return "After having a quick look at AD's discord, it's almost as if the server itself is yet another idle game with its own set of prestige layers. Take a look for yourself.";
  842. case 783: return "In legal news, the trial of the now infamous owner of Schrödinger's Cat Cafe came to a close today. He was charged with animal cruelty, after customers complained his website boasted he had locked a cat in a lead-lined box with a flask of poison. The owner was questioned by police, claiming he did not remember if he actually put a cat in the box, as his promotional material suggested. Police promptly added a charge of false advertising to his crimes. The cafe owner's legal team successfully argued that the owner could not be compelled to open the box, as it would be a violation of his right to avoid self-incrimination. They highlighted that without opening the box, the prosecution had no evidence he had done anything wrong. However, the prosecution argued convincingly he must be guilty of something, but they couldn't prove what without opening the box. The judge found the defendant to be in a superposed state of guilty and not guilty, on all counts. He was sentenced to life imprisonment before being immediately pardoned. Any other verdict, the judge reasoned, might lead the entire legal system to collapse.";
  843. case 784: return "Vous pouvez changer de langue dans les options.";
  844. case 785: return "And why do we keep repeating the same news over and over? This is \"news\" ticker, not \"olds\" ticker.";
  845. case 786: return "Letter Go Down Idle is the shortest idle game of all time, lasting only 26 seconds.";
  846. case 787: return "Your universe has encountered problems and needs to reset. Press CRUNCH to continue.";
  847. case 788: return "Inside you there are two wolves. One has matter. The other has antimatter. You are probably dead.";
  848. case 789: return "how the heck do the devs even read through all of these suggestions";
  849. case 790: return "dimboosts are better than galaxies don't @ me";
  850. case 791: return "Today's news story is, there is no news. Nothing happened don't question it.";
  851. case 792: return "Pardonnez mon français, mais je pense avoir quelque chose de substantiel à proclamer. Mon objectif ici n’est ni d’éduquer ni de divertir, mais simplement de semer la confusion. Cette corvée de travail qui vous est imposée est le travail sans cœur de mon esprit sournois, concocté pour mon seul plaisir. Pour vous de supporter la tâche complète de la traduction, ce serait futile, sinon inepte. Votre très lecture de ce soliloque indique un niveau d'intelligence correspondant uniquement à des vers de terre et de moellons. Je suppose que votre temps serait mieux dépensé à l'école séminaire, étudier le comportement de la mouche commune. La notion même me fait froid dans le dos. Pour résumer mon petit discours, je vous donne ceci. Le travail de mille fourmis ne pourrait jamais correspondre à votre dévouement à la futilité.";
  852. case 793: return "please sir, i'm tired of writing news tickers, i haven't seen my wife for so long, please give me a glass of water, let me see the sun, or do something, anything else, i can't do it anymore";
  853. case 794: return "Are you antimatter? Because I feel a little explosion when we touch.";
  854. case 795: return "psst, hey kid, you want some STDs?";
  855. case 796: return "The 9th dimension is my girlfriend. Oh wait";
  856. case 797: return "This is just a friendly note to remind you that you've forgotten to do something really important. I don't know what it is, but there is definitely something.";
  857. case 798: return "Coming soon to all good retailers- Antimatter dimensions: The board Game! Enjoy the thrill of watching huge numbers go up without the need for a PC or mobile phone. Comes complete with everything you need including a mixed scientific calculator, 1.79e308 antimatter counters, a high quality plastic BUY MAX button, and over a thousand news ticker cards with all the irreverent memes you know and love! You can finally enjoy AD the way it was meant to be played. AD: The Board Game is also available in travel size, so you can even experience the joy of calculating logarithmic growth while you're on the go! BUY AD: The Board Game TODAY! Warning: may contain traces of actual matter. Replicanti sold separately. 9th Dimension not included.";
  858. case 799: return "To crunch, or not to crunch? That is the question—Whether 'tis better in the mind to suffer The waiting and agony of a potentially outrageous amount of time, Or to take arms against a sea of antimatter, And, by opposing, end them?";
  859. case 800: return "\"Master Chief what are you doing on that game?\" \"Sir... Finishing this Infinity\"";
  860. case 801: return "What would you do if you had a million crabs?";
  861. case 802: return "Microwave : /\\/\\ /\\/\\ /\\/\\ /\\/\\ /\\/\\, Infrared : M M M M M, Ultraviolet : ↾↿↾↿↾↿↾↿↾↿, Gamma ray : |||||||||||||||";
  862. case 803: return "Why is 8 suddenly so big? It fell down.";
  863. case 804: return "help I have fallen into the news maker";
  864. case 805: return "Hevipelle announces plan to plant e308 anti-trees, meanwhile kajfik returns says he will plant e308 + 1 anti-trees. Slabdrill planned to plant 2e308+9 trees just to ruin Hevipelle's day.";
  865. case 806: return "Antimatter is short for Antimothyatter";
  866. case 807: return "One day, someone attempted to add tetrational growth to Antimatter Dimensions. No one knows where they ended up afterwards, but it is believed that they ripped the fabric of space and time and transcended reality, due to growth rates unbeaten by even our most powerful dimensions and tickspeed upgrades.";
  867. case 808: return "For some reason, the anti-matter version of the Pokemon company uses Girafarig as the mascot rather than Pikachu. Scientists are currently looking into the psychology behind - - I've just been informed that they do use Pikachu as their mascot, it just looks like a giraffe for some reason. This news segment is cancelled.";
  868. case 809: return "another nice evening spent reading 5 hour 9th dimension jokes";
  869. case 810: return "Just look at your antimatter. Be proud of yourself.";
  870. case 811: return "When you offer a Replicanti tea, remember it's impolite to ask whether they're capable of drinking it. Because they repli-can-tea!";
  871. case 812: return InfinityDimension(0).unlocked ? "You need Infinity POWER for that challenge, not Infinity POINTS!" : "";
  872. case 813: return "What breakfast cereal is made out of infinite antimatter? Cap'n Crunch.";
  873. case 814: return "you've been playing this game for so long that even Durin woke up";
  874. case 815: return "The paperclips are not useless, you must collect 1.79e308 of them to free Hevi from the time loop.";
  875. case 816: return "Okay but why is everything so negative? Anti-this, anti-that, what about being positive?";
  876. case 817: return "English is important, but AD is importanter.";
  877. case 818: return "Infinity is like a glass bottle. Once you break it, there's no use in fixing it, and super glue won't work for a damn.";
  878. case 819: return "Infinity is " + format(INFINITY, 2) + " in " + Notations.getCurrentNotation().name() + " notation.";
  879. case 820: return "My name is Hevipelle. I'm 1e308 years old. My house is in the pocket Reality Dimension, and I am not married. I work as a developer for the incremental idle game \"Antimatter Dimensions\", I get home every day by 8 PM at the latest. I don't smoke, but I occasionally drink. I'm in bed by 1 AM, and make sure I get 8 hours of sleep, no matter what. After having a glass of warm milk and doing about twenty minutes of stretches before going to bed, I usually have no problems sleeping until morning. Just like a baby, I wake up without any fatigue or stress in the morning. I was told there were no issues at my last check-up. I'm trying to explain that I'm a person who wishes to live a very quiet life. I take care not to trouble myself with any enemies, like winning and losing, that would cause me to lose sleep at night. That is how I deal with society, and I know that is what brings me happiness. Although, if I were to fight I wouldn't lose to anyone.";
  880. case 821: return "What if instead of creating antimatter you're actually just losing matter?";
  881. case 822: return "It was just one fine morning when I heard the knocking on my door. I opened the door and saw nothing except a grey, little box. The box is only slightly bigger than my hand. I picked it up and inspected it carefully. There was a label on the box. \"Paperclips,\" the label said. I shook the box and heard some metal clanging noise. \"I wonder who would've given me this?\" I thought. I went back inside and put it on my table, then I grabbed my cutter and cut it open. It was a paperclip. It is silvery but dull. I lifted the paperclip and started bending it. It seemed to bend itself, forming a shape of an atom. Fascinated, I grabbed my phone and took a picture of it. Suddenly, I received a notification. It was a message from the second god, Kajfik himself. \"Have you received the paperclip yet?\" The message said. I gave him a yes and he sent me a message again: \"Good. This paperclip is a trophy for you. I would like to thank you for creating an endless amount of questions related to disassembling news and paperclips, so I have sent this to you. Thank you so much.\" After I finished this message, the trophy suddenly sprang to life, and start shooting silvery wires. The wires hit my stuff and converted them into paperclips. I hid behind a sofa and texted Kajfik. \"WHAT IS WRONG WITH THE TROPHY? IT'S SHOOTING WIRES EVERYWHERE AND CONVERTED MY STUFF INTO PAPERCLIPS!!!!\" He replied: \"Well... I decided to make it a nice \"paperclip remover\", and added a bit of code. I might have mixed up the...\" My phone was converted into paperclips before I finished the message. I ran outside the house and watched as my house was slowly being converted into paperclips. Then an idea came into my mind. I grabbed a can of paint from my neighborhood, and started painting text on the road: \"Shoot wires here to disassemble the trophy for my house.\" I barely finished the sentence before the floating trophy targeted me and start shooting paperclips towards me. I lured the trophy to keep going towards its right, and now the road is a news ticker, constantly moving to the left. It launched another round of paperclips again, and one of the wires hit the text. The trophy stopped firing wires and gave a bright red glow. It started spinning, and behind the trophy, every paperclip was slowly being converted into normal matter. My house was slowly being rebuilt. When the house was finished, the trophy exploded, without any warning. All there was left were smokes, and nothing more. The text has been removed as if everything is being reset. I returned to my house and continued reading books about \"Reality\". Suddenly, I heard another knocking on the door. I opened the door and looked at the floor: A grey box. I immediately threw the box into a garbage truck coming nearby, and hoped to never see the box again.";
  882. case 823: return "Shrek. This is not the Shrek that mobile testers should be able to find. You thought you had something there for a second, didn't you?";
  883. case 824: return "hi spec";
  884. case 825: return "A new town in middle America tried to explain rare dimensional intergalactic matter entropy not simplyfing infinite ordinals nor string-theory";
  885. case 826: return "In Befrienders: Finity War, Anti-Thanos uses the Finity Stones to double the population of the universe, causing huge overpopulation issues. In Befrienders: Startgame, the Anti-heroes must retrieve the Finity Stones to cut the population back in half and restore balance.";
  886. case 827: return "Now, i know you may be wondering, \"what is it with this whole \"update in 5 hours\" joke?\" well, fear not, young one! An explanation will come... in 5 hours.";
  887. case 828: return "Man said, \"How can Break Infinity be reversed?\", AC said, \"THERE IS AS YET INSUFFICIENT DATA FOR A MEANINGFUL ANSWER.\"";
  888. case 829: return "Birthdays are good for you. Statistics show that the people who have the most live the longest.";
  889. case 830: return "A strange phenomenon occurs when you attempt to shift to a higher dimension when you are in the 8th Dimension. There is no higher dimension, so the universe ejects you back into the 8th Dimension with an incredible velocity. This technique, known as a Dimension Boost, is used by starship pilots and Antimatter enthusiasts everywhere.";
  890. case 831: return "German-speakers are heavily discouraged from saying no to dimensions in their language, as English speakers simply respond that such a thing does not exist.";
  891. case 832: return "This news ticker has been warned. Reason: Duplicated text";
  892. case 833: return "Screw the 4th wall, we're breaking Infinity!";
  893. case 834: return "After the Prestiged finished the ass, the second generation began. People had lost all hope, but the giraffe and ghost had other ideas. The giraffe led them into a great, prosperous world, and the ghost assisted him. The giraffe soon after reached the infamous level 50 yet again, bringing him closer to the glory. Later on, the giraffe was promoted to be a Moderator of the world. The ghost could not stand for such a thing. Boo had decided he shall become the One True Moderator. As the world fell into a deep anarchy, the Ghost began his revolution. He collected everyone he could, the young, the elderly, the rich, the poor, and everyone in between, to do everything to stop the giraffe. They had simply had enough. The ghost became so powerful the was assigned as not being a moderator, for being such a bully. The giraffe's followers yelled and hooted that the ghost was a bully, but to no avail. All the while, a new power was rising: the earth himself. He climbed the ranks mercilessly, reaching 12, then 20, then 30, then even 40. Once he reached 45, his power spree began and he pushed all the way to 50. In a grand act, the earth prestiged again, resetting everything. All that was left was a log of the past what to avoid, and what should happen. What will happen next? Well, it soon began yet again. The humans progressed through the early Mesopotamian days, experimenting with the log book, hoping to get some information out of it. Soon they wrote the Giraffetta Stone, a way for them to translate languages, using the power of the Ghost's spirit. All was well until they reached the current year of 2019 C.E., when the timeline resumed. The earth began his climb yet again, hoping to reach power before his cohorts. But, alas, the giraffe reached 50 yet again. But instead, he did an interesting thing: he chose not to prestige. The world respected him and his decision, but the ghost was worried. What would happen next?";
  894. case 835: return "we have enacted a 2 hour slowmode (in this channel only) in order to perhaps up the average quality of suggestions";
  895. case 836: return "Thank you for contacting customer support. Your satisfaction is very important to us, and a company representative will be with you shortly. You are now at position 1.79e308 in the queue. Thank you for your patience, and please enjoy these quality selected news tickers as you wait.";
  896. case 837: return "Is it possible to get the same message twice in a row? Is it possible to get the same message twice in a row?";
  897. case 838: return "Help! Im stuck in the news ticker and kaj and hevi are forcing my to write news tickers and move them across the screen, can um, somebody free me or something?";
  898. case 839: return "The story continues. As the third generation began, more and more Prestiged. Aesis, Saturn, Pichu, even Slabdrill of the 9th Dimension himself prestiged. At the same time, multiple people chose to not prestige. The Ghost had slowed his revolution to a halt, and the Giraffe continued to level. Meanwhile, the Earth continued to reach newer and newer heights. The Ghost and the Earth had a very close competition. One wished for a simplistic time, where the people would be more equal. The other, however, wanted a more elitist society, where the better raised to the top and the worse were executed. All in all, the elitist society powered through, creating a special channel for pulling the worse down, and raising themselves up. By this time, the entire world had fallen into a deep anarchy, and it was led by the High Order. The executed many, also giving some a worse, slow and painful death, and even sending the worst to space to suffocate and destroy themselves from the inside. The Giraffe continued his spree, and the Ghost and Earth fought and fought. Many people tried to overcome the government, but they were not able to overcome the true might of the Order. The Order continued to oppress those not up to par. The society could not overcome the power, so what would happen next?";
  899. case 840: return "You see, this news isn't normal news. It is being produced by the first news dimension. If you want to unlock more news, you have to collect " + (player.paperclips + 10) + " paperclips to build the second news dimension.";
  900. case 841: return "Disabling the news ticker is such a news sans.";
  901. case 842: return "The traveller walked along a narrow path, until he came to a crossroad. Three paths. Stone guardians on either side of the path awoke, and rang out a voice. \"Out of these three paths, you may only choose one. The other ones will be locked out for all eternity!\" The traveller reached into his pocket, and revealed a handful of Tachyon Particles. The traveller chucked them onto the ground, splitting himself into three, and stepping forward into all three paths at the same time.";
  902. case 843: return "Breaking news - scientists equally unsure about how anti-magnets work.";
  903. case 844: return "It's time to learn the anti-alphabet kids! Z is for Zalgo, Y is for Years, X is for eXact change, W is for writting out your antimatter amount, V is for Variable, U is for Unlimited, T is for Time or Ticks, S is for STDs, R is for Replicanti, Q is for Quantum Physics, P is for Prestige, O is for Overflow, N is for Ninth di-- NEWS TICKER, M is for (filthy filthy filthy) Matter, L is for Loading, K is for Killing time, J is for Jokes, I is for Infinity, H is for Hevipelle, G is for Galaxy, F is for paying respects, E is for Eternity, D is for dimension, C is for CRUNCH, B is for bulk buy, A is for Antimatter";
  904. case 845: return "Editor's note: each individual news ticker message is called a \"news message\", while the ticker as a whole is referred to as the \"news ticker\". So you \"see news messages on the news ticker\" and you wouldn't say \"this ticker\" but rather \"this news message\".";
  905. case 846: return "In the Age of Matter the world was unformed, shrouded by fog. A land of gray crags, Archtrees and Everlasting Matter. But then there was Antimatter and with Antimatter came disparity. Anti-Heat and Anti-cold, Anti-life and Anti-death, and of course, Anti-light and Anti-dark. Then from the Anti-dark, They came, and found the 1st Dimension within the antimatter. Kajfik, the First of the Dim Boost, The Witch of Omsi and her Challenges of Chaos, Hevi, the Lord of Crunch, and his faithful Autobuyers. And the Furtive Slabdrill, so easily forgotten. With the strength of Bonuses, they challenged the Matter. Hevi's mighty STDs peeled apart their atoms. The Challenges weaved great multipliers. Kajfik unleashed a miasma of Tickpeed and Galaxy. And Sacrifice the Scaleless betrayed his own, and the Matter was no more. Thus began the Age of Antimatter. But soon the Antimatter will fade and only 200ms update rate will remain. Even now there are only 3rd Dimensions, and man sees not light, but only endless idling nights. And amongst the living are seen, carriers of the accursed Ad bonus. Yes, indeed. The Ad bonus brands the Slabies. And in this land, the Slabies are corralled and led to the 9th Dimension, where they are locked away, to await the end of the Infinity... This is your fate. Only, in the ancient legends it is stated, that one day a Slabie shall be chosen to leave the Slabies asylum, in pilgrimage, to the land of ancient bonuses, Heviran.";
  906. case 847: return "You have been diagnosed with \"80 8th D\"";
  907. case 848: return "#NoNinthNovember";
  908. case 849: return "Hey what are the useless paperclips with no use (they do nothing) [does not have any use in the game] {can not be spent in any way and is just a homage to the game universal paperclips} <Seriously this isn’t a joke this has absolutely no purpose and won’t have a purpose in the future stop asking> used for?";
  909. case 850: return "\"Falsely attributed, this quote is.\" -Master Shifu";
  910. case 851: return "*record scratch* *freeze frame* Yep, that's me. You're probably wondering how I ended up with this much Antimatter.";
  911. case 852: return "This message does not exist right now. Please try again later.";
  912. case 853: return "It's midnight. Tim exited the antimatter factory, dragged his tired body towards the bus stop and got on a bus. Galaxies autobuyer freaked out again today and he had to buy them manually. He stared outside the window and looked at his beautiful house near the 8th dimension wall. His house was made of the finest antimatter found in the 6th dimension, painted with the blurplest-blurple. Behind his house was a gigantic wall: the 8th dimension wall. It was said that the forbidden 9th dimension was hidden beyond this wall, and no one should attempt to go through. The bus stopped suddenly, as the driver told everyone on the bus to depart at once. Tim got off the bus as the road in front of the bus exploded, struck by a bolt. Tim looked across the road, to the 8th dimension wall: an unknown figure, twice as tall as him, was pushing against the cracked, light-glowing wall. The crack kept zapping the surrounding, but the figure seemed fine. 3 minutes passed. The crack slowly became larger when all of a sudden the sky, as bright as the sun, started glowing green. The green was indescribably beautiful. A lightning bolt, as big as a building, struck down at the figure as the figure rose into the sky. The sky started speaking the words of god while a miniature black hole was created, and the figure was sucked inside. Then, the sky exploded, like a bomb in your face, as the shockwave brought everything flying across the 8th dimension. After what felt like an eternity later, the sky stopped glowing and turned dark again. The crack of the 8th dimension wall had been fixed. The existence of a 4th god was suggested, but this event was never seen again.";
  913. case 854: return "In mathematics, a sequence of n real numbers can be understood as a location in n-dimensional space. When n = 8, the set of all such locations is called 8-dimensional space. Often such spaces are studied as vector spaces, without any notion of distance. Eight-dimensional Euclidean space is eight-dimensional space equipped with the Euclidean metric. More generally the term may refer to an eight-dimensional vector space over any field, such as an eight-dimensional complex vector space, which has 16 real dimensions. It may also refer to an eight-dimensional manifold such as an 8-sphere, or a variety of other geometric constructions.";
  914. case 855: return "Fairies are not real. Anti-fairies are also not real. This has only been the case since last week, when the two groups came into contact. The planet they were on also, unsurprisingly, is no longer real.";
  915. case 856: return "Considering Hevipelle's nationality, it's a little ironic that they created a game you can never Finnish.";
  916. case 857: return "[1:1] In the beginning when Hevi created the antimatter and the dimensions, [1:2] the dimensions were a formless void and darkness covered the face of the deep, while a wind from Hevi swept over the face of the antimatter. [1:3] Then Hevi said, \"Let there be light\"; and there was light. [1:4] And Hevi saw that the light was good; and Hevi separated the light from the darkness. [1:5] Hevi called the light Day, and the darkness he called Night. And there was evening and there was morning, the first day. [1:6] And Hevi said, \"Let there be a box in the midst of the antimatter, and let it separate the antimatter from the antimatter.\" [1:7] So Hevi made the box and separated the antimatter that was in the box from the antimatter that was outside. And there was 10 antimatter in the box. [1:8] There was evening and there was morning, the second day. [1:9] And Hevi said, \"Let the antimatter inside the box be gathered together into one place, and let the world appear.\" And it was so. [1:10] Hevi called the world Earth, and the antimatter that were gathered together almost exploded. And Hevi saw that it was good.";
  917. case 858: return "fun fact: apparently only roughly 1.29% of news ticker suggestions make it into the game";
  918. case 859: return "I donated to support Hevi, but suddenly it hurts when I pee?? Help??";
  919. case 860: return "Who writes the news tickers? Maybe they're some kinda illuminati? Maybe they're hamsters on running wheels. Maybe, it's you beating you finger on the screen trying to reach Infinity. The world may never know.";
  920. case 861: return "Before was was was, was was is.";
  921. case 862: return "Hippity hoppity your antimatter is now my property.";
  922. case 863: return "In the beginning, Patashu awoke and said... Let there be a way to surpass ee308 in JavaScript, and it was so. And Patashu saw that it was good. And went back to sleep. Naruyoko stirred.";
  923. case 864: return "Ever heard of 9D cinema? It also doesn't exist.";
  924. case 865: return "BREAKING NEWS: \"Harmless\" incremental game \"Antimatter Dimensions\" seems to encourage players to get \"loads of STDs.\" More on this story in 5 hours.";
  925. case 866: return "Rotate your phone to speed up the progress bar.";
  926. case 867: return "Antimatter Dimensions isn't a game. It's a way of life.";
  927. case 868: return "If you've already seen a news ticker and see it again, is it an olds ticker?";
  928. case 869: return "In other news, recent polls turn out only 3% of these messages are considered \"high quality\". Now back to low quality news.";
  929. case 870: return "NEWS actually stands for Not Every Walrus Sings";
  930. /*case 871: return "";
  931. case 872: return "";
  932. case 873: return "";
  933. case 874: return "";
  934. case 875: return "";
  935. case 876: return "";
  936. case 877: return "";
  937. case 878: return "";
  938. case 879: return "";
  939. case 880: return "";
  940. case 881: return "";
  941. case 882: return "";
  942. case 883: return "";
  943. case 884: return "";
  944. case 885: return "";
  945. case 886: return "";
  946. case 887: return "";
  947. case 888: return "";
  948. case 889: return "";
  949. case 890: return "";
  950. case 891: return "";
  951. case 892: return "";
  952. case 893: return "";
  953. case 894: return "";
  954. case 895: return "";
  955. case 896: return "";
  956. case 897: return "";
  957. case 898: return "";
  958. case 899: return "";*/
  959.  
  960. default: return "";
  961. }
  962. }
  963.  
  964. static String getNews() {
  965. int nextMessageIndex;
  966. do {nextMessageIndex = rnd.nextInt(871);} while (getMessage(nextMessageIndex).equals(""));
  967. //do {nextMessageIndex = ThreadLocalRandom.current().nextInt(newsArray.length);} while (getMessage(nextMessageIndex).equals(""));
  968. return getMessage(nextMessageIndex);
  969. }
  970. }
Advertisement
Add Comment
Please, Sign In to add comment
Advertisement
Public Pastes
Advertisement
We use cookies for various purposes including analytics. By continuing to use Pastebin, you agree to our use of cookies as described in the Cookies Policy.  OK, I Understand
Not a member of Pastebin yet?
Sign Up, it unlocks many cool features!