Thread 5: Stories 106-120

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>Applejack
“Celestia”
‘Luna’
-Fluttershy-
[Cadance]
~~~~~~~

-Twilight still out?-

>Spike's worried about her, so he's draggin' her out fer' some quality time with her brother.

'Teehee.'

>...on topic, we need ta' discuss the Apploosan situation.

"Always with the apples with you, isn't it?"

>More about how they ain't really expandin' at a sustainable rate. At this point, they're gonna over-populate, and there ain't enough food ta' go around.

"Well, there's nothing to do there. The buffalo aren't going to let them move further into their territory, and the other direction is nothing but a barren desert."

-Not even animals live out that far, I know. I've checked.-

'And the nights would be far too cold for them to survive without some form of shelter!'

>Ah' know, it looks bad.

[Well, something that might work would be a slight loan of our train services. The Apploosas have a surplus of railway material, we could slowly expand by building a railway and stocking the trains to go down it with things like water and food. They could have trains to provide mobile shelters at the front, which would solve the cold issue, and any time they are low on supplies they could just send it back and get re-stocked. We'll have to help them with some extra stuff like a steady water supply, but we have more than enough to spare thanks to the miles of snow surrounding the Empire, and it's confirmed drinkable. This way, they can use the building of the railroad as way to test for other possible soil to use to expand their crops, and just what kind of tools they need to build houses. Best of all, when the town finishes expanding, the train will run right through it already, saving a TON of ponyhours and planning. It could work!]

"..."

'...'

-...-

>...18? Is that you?

[...Cadence had a spa appointment.]

>...Thank goodness.
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>Celestia
"Applejack"
~~~~~~

>Applejack.

"Hey Tia, had a question, how long do you think-"

>Shining Armor is going to last? Honestly, I'm surprised he's lasted this long.

"...What?"

>I mean, come on! I get not sleeping with Chrysalis, but not even 18? Really? Or 42! Oh, don't give me that look, we both know she's all... what's the term?

"Ah... ah don't-"

>Whatever. Point is, Cadence's love well has been bone dry for a while now, when's he going to move his bucket to the next one over already?

"This is makin' me really-"

>Do you think he's, you know, impotent? Is that a problem? Maybe I should send him some 'enhancements' or something.

"Okay, ah' can taste mah' breakfast, ya'll can stop anytime-"

>Oh! Maybe he's, you know, the other way? Cadence does have a pretty strong jawline, and no ass...

"ALRIGHT! You win! Ah'll handle it myself! Just, please, no more!"

>Good.

"...But ya'll really have no room ta' talk-"

>Nuclear. Orgasms.

"...Do you like that plant?"

>The one in the corner? No, I hate it-

"HURRRRRK!"

>Hate the smell of vomit, more, by the by.


_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>Applejack
“Twilight”
‘AJ56’
_________

>Hey, Twi’, got a moment?

“What is it, Applejack? I’ve tried getting you to come to me with the same depressing questions you heap on Princess Celestia but you just don’t seem to find my point one differences in finance worthy enough! They ought to be!”

>No, no, it’s not about that, Ah was just wonderin’… what ever happened to Sunset Shimmer?”

“You mean after I kicked her ass for stealing my shit?”

>...er… yeah.

“She vanished into obscurity just as Trixie has. You’ll notice that’s a popular trend with whatever tries to throw me off my rails. Why do you ask?”

>Jus’ that she was once Celly’s protégé, right?

“I’m not really sure a clod with bacon for hair can be a protégé but go ahead.”

>Still holdin’ some powerful anger over that, Ah see. Anyway, it jus’ seems nopony’s worried she might, Ah dunno, try something sneaky. She does have considerable knowledge of Canterlot’s inner workin’s, bein’ Celly’s student once and all. Jus’ sayin’ she could be a thr-

*WHAM*

Something solid ran into Applejack’s backside and bounced to the ground while the mare in question only glanced behind her, one brow quirked.

>What in tarnation was… 56? What’re y’all doin’ here?

‘That you, orange rump? What I ran into felt nice and squishy and smelled like apples so it’s gotta be you! Hey, orange rump!’

>...um, Twi’? Why’s he staggerin’ around and wavin’ at those test tubes?

“Hm? Oh, that. He’s temporarily blind.”

>...Come again?

“Blind. Him.”

>No, Ah got that part, Ah was more concerned with the ‘why’ in this equation.

‘I’m Twilight’s part-time helper! Her experiments are far too dangerous to use other ponies- they might die. So I volunteered to assist because I’m nearly indestructible!’

>…

“It’s exactly as he said. Do you know how many of my ideas had to go the wayside because the test subjects in question couldn’t handle the strain? Who knows what I could have accomplished by now!”

>Ah think the line for insane experiments is crossed when test subjects come into play, Twi’….

“Bah! You sound just like those university idiots who wouldn’t let me on their board because they thought I was ‘clinically disturbed’. Everything’s fine!”

>AJ56 is blind!

“He’ll recover!”

>Yer experiments kill!

“Ponies! Not Changelings! He’ll be fine! He has tons of love!”

>From who?

Twilight opened her mouth to respond and a shrill squeak escaped when AJ56 blindly latched onto her backside, his cheeks nuzzling up against her pliant pony posterior.

‘From this, orange rump! I get two uninterrupted minutes with this for every day I help out!’

“W-well, ahem, yes, that’s, uh… that is the d-deal we- aaah! That we agreed upon…”

Applejack smirked.

>Y’all okay there, Twi’? He’s diggin’ in back there pretty deep.”

“Nnnnngh~… f-for science, Applejack…”

‘For booty!’

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>Chysalis
"Shiny"

"Chysalis? I'd like to ask you for a truce."

*Chysalis get up off a stack of papers*

>Oh? Do you finally realize my superiority as both a Ruler and mate?

"No, I want you to stop messing up my desk every day"

>Nope, too much fun.

*She magics a requisition form into a paper airplane

"A job Queen Bug, I have a job for you. Good pay, work you'll love.

>No. Listening, but no.

"Ugh. Look, you've manage to save my wife a lot of money. You are a haggle-master extraordinaire, and you know how hard it is for me to admit you are good for anything.

>I know, you should see your face right now. It's like you are trying to swallow a whole basket of your wife's baking.

"I think I've actually gotten used to it by now. Anyway, I want you to be our Minister of Trade. You would negotiate trade agreements between the Crystal Empire and other nations. I feel like we are being taken advantage and I'd like for you to turn that around.

>Fascinating, absolutely fascinating. Now give me one good reason I shouldn't get you the worst deals possible just to make you squirm?

"Because I'll pay you. The complete works of Hoovy Allen, just to start, and full use of my home theater system. Biggest screen in the Empire or Equestria. Not that I ever get to use it. And you'll get the full government benefits package, so you'll have plenty of leave to watch whatever movies you like. So what do you think?

>Hmm, interesting. I'm still going to bother you at work and I want to be Cadence whenever I want. Still have a deal?

"I'll take it. I'll at least get some quiet when you're out shopping."

'Applejack'
-Pinky

*Applejack skips down the hall*

'One more question for Celestia. Ah swear if this ain't the most fun ah get all day. Eh, is that Pinkie Pie?'

*Pinky is pushing a cart bearing the largest chocolate cake Equestria has ever seen.

-Oh hey Applejack. Long time no see. Whatcha been up to?

'Uh, ya know. borin princess stuff. So, uh, why ya got a cake there that jus might break the bank of Canterlot?

-I know, isn't it amazing? Princess Celestia herself just *POOF* appeared right in my kitchen. Then she was like, Cake, biggest cake, need it now! There may have also been a threat to incinerate the planet if she didn't get it fast and there was some great disturbence in the force and this was the greatest emergency in the history of ever. You know what a joker the princess is.

'Uh, right. Ah, uh, All let ya deliver that there cake then. Mah business can wait.

*Applejack walks away.

'Wut in tarnation coulda gotten her that riled up

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>SA
"Cadence"
~~~~~~

>...Sweetie?

"Heeyyy Shiiny! Wash you doin' here?"

>Okay, when I smelled alcohol, I assumed Chrysalis. You see why I could make that mistake, right?

"Pffft! Sshe thought Ah' wash a sisshy! She said ah' couldn't drink it, but ah' did! Ah whole drink, alll gone!"

>You had ONE drink? Of what? What could possibly do this in one drink?

"Za' pink bottle, duh!"

>Wow, okay. You had one drink of my Saddle Arabian wine. One drink. Cadence, that is a whole new level of 'lightweight'. I mean, I'm not complaining, less of my once proud collection will meet a tear inducing end if you can't drink a lot, but I needed to say it.

"Saaay, ya' wanna do shome fun stufsh? Like, crazy fun stufsh? Wish bootiesh!"

>Wow, I never thought the day would come when I would think "That is just unbelievably unsexy" in relation to the actual you, and not the half dozen fake yous running around, but here we are! I'm learning so much today.

"Yer shilly!"

>That is the consensus with drunk ponies, I've noticed.

"Well, shince I ain't gettin' none of Shiny's shiny, I'll just..."

>Aaand collapse?

"...HURRRK!"

>...All over my freaking-

*THUMP!*

"Zzzz...."

Shining Armor just stands there, too awestruck to do anything about the unfortunate mess all over his suit. It's a good five minutes before he finally lets out a defeated sigh, and then levitates her into the air. It's a slow, methodical walk as he heads toward his bedroom.

>You know, you'd think that the one who does all the work and is constantly annoyed by a bug queen would be the one driven to drink. But no, everyone who has fun and doesn't do anything but make my life harder gets to enjoy the bliss of non-sobriety. Not Shiny.

"Zzzhmm..."

>... why do I put up with this? I miss being just a guard sometimes. No family, or Empire, or work...

"Zzzmmmm... love you... Shiny...."

He pauses for a bit, and smiles.

>...Love you too, Cadence.

"Hmmm? Hmm...zzzz..."

>Don't worry, you didn't have to hear it. You know.

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>Cheerilee
"Chrysalis"
'Filthy Rich'
~~~~~~~~

>Thank you both so much for coming!

"Why am I here again?"

'Your son.'

"I don't have a kid."

>The plot-lover.

"Oh! The short guy. Yeah, we're not related."

>You're on his contact list, you'll have to do.

'What's this about, Cheerilee? I have a lot of business to attend to!'

>...'what's this about'? Are you being serious with me right now? We both know what this is about. How 'what this is about' has not bankrupted you, I do not know, but you know perfectly well what this is about.

'...She actually is really resourceful, I don't even give her all that much of an allowance-'

"I actually don't know what this is about could someone fill me in?"

>His daughter frequently tries to... 'harm' your son.

"Like how?"

>Rockets, mostly. Sometimes acid. I saw her construct a battering ram once, actually.

"Cool! Can I watch? That sounds hilarious!"

>You want to watch her try to kill him?

"Yeah! I mean, I kind of need a new source of entertainment. 42 is all huffy about doing paperwork and stuff now, and she never fights monsters for me anymore! I know, right? So selfish. Anyway, I can't bring any Changelings with me to the Empire, so there goes my "light them on fire and watch them fight" entertainment. This sounds like fun, though! When does it start?"

>... Insect est scopum suum capere anima tua. Esto velox, et fructuosa.

"Cool! I can talk gibberish too! Swastika, finagle, jute, curried. See, not hard!"

>....Quid est hoc?

*QUAE SAPIT EX TRISTITIA. NON IN EAM*

"..."

'...What did they say?'

>You taste sad, they said.

"Pfft, they're stupid. My life is amazing, thank you!"

>If you say so.

"It is!"

'...So can I go, or-'

>You'd better. Have a nice day, Filthy.

'...'

>...Run.

***********

Translation so you don't have to google.

>The insects soul is yours to take. Be quick and fruitful.

>What is the matter?

>SHE TASTES OF SADNESS. WE DO NOT WANT HER.

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>SA
"Cadence"
'Various'
~~~~~~~

"Ahhh, today is the perfect day for a... dip?"

She pauses on the other side of the door leading to her large, expensive indoor pool. She had thought she was the only one with this idea today. Apparently, she was wrong, if the voices coming from inside were any indication.

>Will you all calm down! It's just water!

'Shiny I'm scaaaaared!'

'This was a stupid idea, this was so, so stupid an idea!'

'Don't push me! I swear I will end you if you push me!'

'I shoot lasers from my horn and I will kill you all!'

'I d-didn't even want to learn how to swim! I only did it to see Shiny weeeet!'

'Drop me and I will hurt you, do you hear me Shining Armor!? Hurt! In the face! PLEASE DON'T DROP ME!'

'Don't shove! There's so precious little room! I need more room!'

'Why did we do this!? WE ALL HAVE HOLES IN OUR LEGS, HOW ARE WE SUPPOSED TO SWIM!?'

'PLEASE PRETEND I'M CADENCE! PROMISE ME! DON'T LET ME DROOOWN!'

'I PROMISE, NO MORE MESSING UP YOUR PAPERS! I PROMISE! I PROMISE! PLEASE DON'T DROP ME!'

'WE'RE ALL GONNA DIIIIHIHIHIHIIIIIII!'

Cautiously, Cadence opened the door.

She didn't know what she was expecting, truthfully, but it most likely wasn't the sight of 18, 42 and Chrysalis clinging to dear life while climbing all over Shining Armor as he stood, exasperated, in the middle of the shallow end of her pool. To say they were panicked would be a gross understatement.

On the positive side, a little bit farther down, AJ 2 was clearly having a ball as she floated around, hugging the ducky inner tube around her waist and giggled at the three grown Changelings acting like the water contained every shark in Equestria.

It was a quick decision, as she is prone to make, but deep down, Cadence knew that now just wasn't the right time for a swim, and quietly left.

Shining Armor would have joined her, but it was not to be.

'ALL IS LOOOOOOOST!'

It just wasn't meant to be.

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>AJ56
“Spitfire”
‘Spike’
_________

“Look, kid, I need those back.”

>Need what back?

“Those thongs you’ve got pressed to your nose. That’s… just all kinds of foul. You do know where those have been, right?”

>On Dash’s plot, right?

“Yeah.”

>Good! And how is this more foul than you licking them clean?

“I wasn’t doing it willingly!”

>Six of one, half a dozen of the other.

And he lifts a particular bright blue thong to his nose and takes a deep inhale.

>Aaaaaww yeah….

“I think there might be something wrong with you.”

>I think there’s something wrong with YOU. You’re the one with the dream job and you have the nerve to complain!

“I HAD the dream job! Had! Not anymore because that rainbow-tailed bitch stole it from me! My days used to be carefree and full of leisure! I woke up when I wanted, did what I wanted and basically answered to nopony! Now I’m doing the most degrading things, underwear licking, hoof massages, having cake eaten off my ass, reading her fan mail aloud and-”

>Hooooold up. Rewind for a sec, did you say… eating cake off your rear?

“Yes! Can you believe that? Gross, right?”

>…

“And sometimes she’d prick me with the fork, too! Accidentally, she said but I’d hear her giggling, that sadistic mare… I swear, I should quit but there’s got to be someway to get her kicked out of my… my, uh… 56, you okay? Why’re you drooling like-”

>Tell you what. You let me eat cake off your rear and you can have these thongs back.

“...you’re not serious.”

>I have the eating utensil right here and there’s some of orange rumps reserve cake in that drawer over there. I couldn’t be more serious.

Spitfire blinks, then gives a haggard sigh as she spins around, pressing her front half to the floor so as to prominently display her admittedly tight posterior. She pointedly faces away to conceal her blush.

“Fine, just… do it quickly. Dash has me on a tight schedule today….”

>Bon appétit!

A few short minutes later, the door opens yet again and Spike enters, looking up from the document in his claws.

‘Hey, Applejack? I had a question about this mock-up for the guards pay and… wow.’

>Hey, Spike!

‘You know, honestly, I’m not sure whether I should leave or join in.’

>Got an extra fork right here!

“Celestia kill me now….”

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>AJ12
"77"

>See, the castle's a pretty nice place, don't you think?

"It has it's charms, we're getting weird looks."

>Yeah, that'll happen, especially if you're the crazy changeling that exploded out of a toilet.

"True. Could you...tell me something, it would help ease my mind..."

>Sure.

"How close did we come to winning? All I know is that we lost."

>We had them on the ropes to be honest, we kind of just lost because Shining Armor and Cadence sucker punched us with some kind of super charged love shield.

"Ah...well I suppose that eases my mind a bit."

>You were stuck under a mountain fighting for your life, on the Queen's orders. I don't think you should really beat yourself up about this.

"Yes, you're right but...I suppose the promise of making a difference in the siege was what kept me going all that time."

The two stop next to a tree in the castle garden.

>Would you like to keep talking about it?

"Yes, let me sit down first. After 21 died it felt like there was a rift in the group, 88, 32, and I kept together while everyone else clustered around 50's leadership. That's when I started learning more about them, how 32 had an extensive knowledge of pony culture from his deep cover missions, how 88 had stole her knife of the corpse of one of the Morlocks and had been training with it ever since. We kept going further, trying to get 21's death out of our heads."

>What about the Morlocks?

"They...that's when we began to realize something was wrong, they just seemed to stop following us after a point. 32 came to two conclusions, either they were planning on stopping us at a much more advantageous area or..."

>Or what?

"There was something else down there that they feared more than they hated us."

>I'm guess the second one was correct.

"Just our luck, we blundered our way right into the middle of another forsaken cave. We should have known something was wrong, there didn't appear to be a roof, it just kept going up and up."

77 looks down.

"50 knew better than to have us rest there, he had us split into pairs and look for an exit while he used his horn as a beacon in the center-if we found anything we were to signal him and he'd send up his own rallying signal. 32 and 88 went together so I ended up with 68."

>And he was...

"I didn't know know him all that well, he seemed pretty objective oriented, just wanted what we all did: Get to Canterlot where we could have a chance to breathe fresh air again. He and I scouted around one third of the cave while the other two teams did the same. It was so quiet...far too quiet...then 50's beacon disappeared. 68 and I scrambled to get our own horns to light up. I caught a glimpse of these pinpoints in the dark, like light shining off a pebble, then something pierced my chitin and I lost consciousness..."

77 looks at the ground, shaking his head.

"I woke up sometime later, and that's when the nightmare began..."


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>SA
"Chrysalis"
'Twilight'
~~~~~~~

"Kaboom! Haha, we interrupt your scheduled Shiny time for...."

>...Chrysalis.

"...Twilight."

'...Chrysalis.'

"...You, uh, you guys normally take baths together?"

>Would you mind? We're in the middle of something here. This is Shiny and Twilight time.

"....Sure, I'll, uh... I'll go mess up your tax forms, that okay with you?"

>Perfectly fine.

"Cool... cool."

*She leaves*

>....AVAST! Ye' oversized insect monster, she's vanished!

'ARGH! She be waitin' in the brimy deep, for sure!'

>We best be on our guard, first mate Smarty the Smithy!

'As if we'd let that scallywag take over this fine vessel captain! We're wit' cha till the end!'

>Aye, and we' captains' always protect our crew! ARGGG!

'ARRRRG!'

>'ARRRRRRRG!'


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>Applejack
“Celestia”
‘Luna’
-Twilight-
[18]
~~~~~~~

>Now that we're all here, let's start with-

-Hold up a sec, AJ. Cadence? Are you alright? You look a little... off.-

[I'm, uh, I'm actually Applejack 18. I'm... 'filling in' for her.]

-We can do that? Why didn't anyone tell me we could do that!?-

>Err... Cadence is a, well, special case.

-Was this event really important or something?-

[Sure, let's go with that.]

'If thou could call getting thine coat shined "important", of course.'

"Or getting her hair curled."

>Or gettin' her hooves cleaned.

[Or relaxing at the spa.]

-...I don't get it.-

>What the hay does she do besides 'not sleep with Shinin' armor' anyway?

-EW! Applejack! I don't want to think about my brother having sex!-

'*whispering* with someone else.'

-What's that?-

'Nothing!'

[Well, actually, she does make a LOT of public appearances. She goes around to the orphanage a lot. Sometimes the hospital. LOVES going to the school, though. Though that last one might be just because she sometimes steals the first grade textbooks. She loses hers real easy. But she does put on a nice public face, I guess.]

>...Huh. When's the last time any of us made a public appearance?

"...Uh, I think I showed up to the running of the leaves, four months ago?"

>You think?

"I was pretty sloshed."

'We made an appearance on Nightmare Night!"

>That was nine months ago

'We have been busy!'

-...Spike had to drag me out just to visit my brother.-

[I have stage freight.]

*Everyone looks at her*

[What? I do! It's scary up there! I get so nervous I start cycling through disguises...]

>Is she... is she better at us then something?

'...'

-...-

[...]

"...This can never leave the room."

*As one, they agreed, and silently left.*

*Nothing left to say when you die a little inside*

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>SA
"Luna"
~~~~~~~~~

>Oh yeah, Shiny finally gets his 'Cadence time, isn't that right-

"AHA!"

>ACK! NO NOT HERE...Luna? What're you doing in my dreams?

"Ah hah! We knew you dreamed of a harem, and now we shall see... why are they all your wife?"

>Because that's who I want to sleep with? I thought that was obvious.

"Well, yes, but I mean... just her? For some reason, there's multiples. At least four total. Dreams are supposed to be about the impossible."

>The impossible at this point is me actually having sex. But to answer your question, it used to be just one. But then that got a little stale, so "the Cadence was doubled!"

"...I will hurt you."

>Point is, it was just a Cadence threesome for the longest time, but then those two eventually crept in, and here we are.

"...We must admit, we are disappointed in one more pony not being here"

>Five Cadences? MADNESS! MADNESS I SAY!

"No no, I meant... never mind. We shall depart, Shining Armor! Enjoy your wife. And your wife. And your wife. And your wife."

>Was planning on it!

*She vanishes in a wisp of dark smoke.*

>Now... where were we, my pretties? I belive you had something to say, Cadence 2?

His imaginary wife gave his the most smouldering, sexy look he had ever seen, enough to make his heart flutter and nearly burst on it's own. She parted her perfectly prepared lips, and said-

'Shiny! You've gots ta' get up! Ya' gotta make the waffles, or we're not getting any! Cadence makes 'em all hard and made of plastic!'

>....

The sight of AJ 2 sitting on his chest was an interesting one to follow his eyes rocketing open at speeds that would likely have caused physics to ask for a recount. Needless to say, any and all sexy thoughts evaporated in a fiery maelstrom of sadness and woe.

But AJ 2 got her waffles, so at least someone had a good morning.

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>Apple
-Twi
[Spike]

>Hey Twi, ya got them inspection checklist ah asked ya 'bout the other day?

-Of course. Here you are, "Proper Hygienic Maintenance of a Food Service Establishment"

*Spike enters the lab, unseen by either princess

>Um, Twi, this thing is 47 pages long. Ah don't suppose there's some fat ya might be trimmin?

*A button reveals rack of weaponry that would leave doomguy envious. Spike carefully selects one.

-Applejack! This is public safety we're talking about here. Are you aware of the number of different ways a pony could get ill from a poorly run restaurant?

*Another button sends a mechanical bird flying. A loud boom then reduces it to sparks and scrap. The princesses yet seem oblivious.

>Ah know that Twilight, Ah used ta run a farm. But a list ain't gonna do nopony no good if they can't follow it. Can't cha jus knock it down to the basic safety procedures?

*Another weapon turns a metal plate into molten slag

-I don't see why I should dumb it down for ponies that can't even follow a list. What if somepony got sick?

*Still another fired a sword into a collection of barrels. That then exploded into more swords.

>Twilight, ya always had the head for some fancy mathematics, so here's some. Jus wut do ya think the chance of somepony gettin sick are if the place is clean, free a pests, with disinfected dishes an utensils an properly made meals and kept ingredients?

*A peculiar looking gun fires a tiny, slow moving black sphere. It seems quite harmless at first, striking a train car and simply floating for a moment. Then the entire car collapses into the sphere, which then vanishes.

-Um, let's see that's uhhhh.... 1 innnn 789375. So, it's still possible.

*A single bullet strikes a mannequin. The young dragon then unloads wildly with each bullet curving and swerving back to the exact location of the original impact.

>Them's odds worth bettin on. Come on Twi, ya make these too arduous an ponies ell jus ignore em. Ya got ta get the right balance, ya get me?

*A lava-lamp catches Spikes attention. Perplexed by it's inclusion in the weapons locker, he fiddles with it until it begins beeping

-Alright, I'll try to trim it down to the most effective line items.

*Realizing what the item probably was Spike sets the lamp down and runs towards the Princesses.

>That's great. Ifen ya can trim that down to three pages by tamarrow, all get em posted to the inspectors by the end a the week.

[Um, Twilight, I've got a problem with one of the doomsday devices to report]

>Or whenever ya get that taken care of. No rush. G'night yall

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>Gaffer
"SA"
'AJ2'
-Chrysalis-
[Cadence]
~AJ18~
{AJ42}
"'Guard"'
~~~~~~~~~

>Heya! I'm here to see Shining Armor!

"'And you are?"'

>Oh, right. My names Gaffer! I was Shining Armor's friend from high school. I actually came over here to surprise him! He'll be so shocked.

"'Er, you might want to wait till later."'

>I can't! My train leaves in an hour. Please?

"'Alright buddy, your call. The Prince is currently in the kitchen, they are having breakfast. Good luck."'

>...Okay?

The guards words stuck with him as he moved through the castle. He wasn't the overly cautious type, but maybe just this once, he could just peek in before he opened the door.

"No, AJ 2, you cannot drink the syrup straight. That is so bad for you."

'Awww, C'moooon!'

-Kid, you're hogging all the pancakes! Share!-

'THEY ARE WAFFLES!'

"Right. Flat waffles. Because they're special, and not because Cadence set fire to the wafflemaker."

[How was I supposed to know flour was flammable?]

~It's not. I still don't know how you did that.~

{My Queen, please share the strawberries.}

-HAH! Share, you're funny. The only person at this table who should be sharing is Shiny. And by sharing, I mean his di-

[We get it!]

~I WISH he would share that. Seriously, all that paperwork and I don't get even a pity lay? Serious discrimination going on.~

{Agreed... N-not that *I* want a piece, I'm just making an observation.}

-We know. You don't have to clarify everything. You paper-ponies are so technical. Though hopefully not in bed, cause I want Shiny to be WILD-

[Nobody is sleeping with Shiny!]

"Story of my life..."

'Shiny, don't cry into the waffles, they taste funny when you do.'

-Why does SHE get first pick?-

'I'm special!'

"She's special."

[Dear, let me help with-]

*FWOSH!*

"How!?"

-I've got it-

{No, that's a grease fire!}

*FWOOOOSH!*

"EVERY MORNING!"

-I regret nothing!-

Very, very slowly, Gaffer closed the door, and walked away.

No thank you, he said to himself. No thank you.

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>Spike
"Celestia"
~~~~~
Celestia walks around carrying a dossier.

"Spike? Oh, Spike, where are you?"

"In your office, the one you don't use anymore, forging your signature and mimicking your voice."

"Alright, don't ever do that again, it's creepy."

>I promise nothing. So how can I help you today, Princess?

"How would you like a pay raise?"

>... Nah, Equestria needs the money.

"A harem then? I could make them all look like Rarity. Before she because fat."

>... I am going to pretend I did not hear that.

"Alright, alright, how about the largest diamond in Equestria!"

>You mean... The Cullinan Diamond?! That one ton beauty that was dug up twelve years ago?! Really?

"Yep, and it can be all yours-"

>N-no... We should really just sell that and try to make up for the economic deficit...

Spike ignores his stomach growling.

"Well, I don't intend to sell it, but you can, and maybe have a few bites. No one will know..."

>Besides the people who notice the bite marks? But you do have a point. So, thanks, I suppose I will take you up since you don't want it-

"Oopoopoop! It's not for free, Spikey."

>... What do you want?

"I need you to kill-"

>No! Stop right there! I don't kill anymore. Not for you, not for anyone. I've played with guns Twilight makes, yes, but I don't use them on ANYONE anymore.

"Come on, Spike, you never got me that drinkable cake-"

>For crap's sakes, you put a slice of cake in a blender and mix with two to three scoops of your choice of ice cream! It's not rocket science!


"Besides the point! But helpful, thank you. Your Noble Dragon means you are still bound to me in service. If it weren't for me, you would be another wild, feral dragon waiting to be killed by a bigger dragon and eating phoenix eggs. You owe me, Spike!"

>Celestia. Have you listened to yourself lately? Have you looked at yourself in the mirror lately? Real hard?

"What do you mean?"

>Who did you want me to kill? don't answer out loud, I don't want to lose more respect for you, just let the answer hang in your head real hard along with the rest of this conversation.

Spike gets up and begins to leave.

>I don't know what happened to the Princess Celestia I knew. The kind mare who raised me and genuinely wanted to do what's right by Equestria, even if she couldn't, she still tried. But if you see her, please tell her I miss her.

As Spike shut the door behind him, Celestia drops the dossier revealing a picture of Shining Armor.

She looks at it for one moment, then looks ar her own reflection in the mirror, the image blurred by tears.

"... I'm sorry, my little ponies... I failed you all."

DECLARED NON CANON BY AUTHOR

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