Thread 98: Stories 31-45

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>Realtor
"Client"
'???'
~~~~

>And over here, on the lakeside we have an absolutely GORGEOUS two story number. Look at that, even comes with its own docks and boat and everything... smell that? That's fresh lake air, imagine waking up to that every single solitary day for the rest of your life.

"Well... it is rather nice, everything's in good condition too."

>Yep! We spared no expense to make sure this is a prime housing area.

"Why? Are you covering something up?"

>AHAHHAHAHAHW-whaaaa? Noooo, nooooo no no noooooo. That's silly. That's just ridiculous. That right there is just insane. We'd never cover up, like, a murder or something! It's the law!

"Has something happened around here?"

>...Okay, I do suppose that, AT ONE POINT, the giant monster Chitania rampaged by here and may or may not have lightly brushed against it, I don't know, it's been just so long ago! But, as we all know, she was just walking towards Canterlot, and hasn't been near here since! Nothing to worry about!

"Well, I guess you've got a..."

The thunder of a thousand feet and hooves and beats of wings rang out as animals big and small raced by, nearly toppling the pair over with their frenzy.

"..."

>...n-noooo... not again....

'Excuse me, but this looks very interesting. What are you doing?'

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

Without another word, he fled.

'...I wish they would stop doing that... oh! You're still here! I thank you. Can you tell me what you were doing? It sounded interesting.'

>...

'Are you trying to message me with movements? Please speak, I can understand any language, but I am unsure what curling up into a ball is supposed to convey... huh, I was wrong, I don't know what 'ablu blu blu' means. Can you help me? It sounds very interesting... hello?'

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>Chrysalis
"Celestia"
~~~~

>...

"You look like you have something you want to ask."

>Sure, how have you not thrown the planets out of orbit with your ass?

"Oh nooo, that was a "I actually have something I want to ask but am unsure" face, you're not backpedaling away with placating jokes."

>Dunno what you mean.

"Come now, I'm sure you can ask."

>Of course I can, I'm the greatest Queen who ever lived, if I want to ask something, I'll ask it, and fuck you if you don't want to answer.

"Chrysalis..."

>I stand by it.

"Chrysalis..."

>That's what I said.

"... come on..."

>...A-hem, if Forty Two got picked to kiss Cadence instead of me, it's normal to feel weird about that, right?

"..."

>I mean, obviously, I was just annoyed that he thought I wouldn't be able to outthink them, you know? That makes total sense.

"..."

>And then it was just a matter of figuring out that Shiny picking Forty Two over me meant he favored her in this, and fuck that.

"...This, uh, this have something to do with those dreams you had?"

>The ones I'm going to kick your sister's ass over?

"Yes, those ones, but please don't do that."

>I do what I want!

"..."

>...This is normal, right?

"...No?"

>Oh.

"..."

>...So. Fireworks. Think they're going to be impressive?

"..."

>I will fucking mindzotz you.

"No you won't."

>...

"..."

>...Fuck you.

"I feel like I'm not even in the running at this point-"

>LASER HORN!

BOOM!

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OOCO
>DT
"SS"
'???'
~~~

"Why the heck did you drag me to this?"

A hiss bled out from the little pink filly's clenched teeth, met along with a stamp of her hoof to the more gray one's as subtly as she could. Which, seeing as it was the bundle of joy known only as Diamond Tiara, was as subtle as an exploding bull in a tea shop.

>Don't you get it!? We're finally in a real party! A real one! Like... one my daddy would never let me go to!

"I'm pretty sure your dad meant the other kinds of parties when he said that, this..."

Pointedly, she scanned around the room, fancy ruffles on her dress shifting as she looked to every single one of the ponies meandering about the art gala they resided in, making short conversation and tastefully chuckling whenever something mildly amusing was said. Classical, soothing music sang throughout her ears as the pair shuffled through, doing their best not to stand out, or more importantly not be stepped upon. For while they were indeed dressed for success, as it were, it wasn't hard to notice that every other patron in the room was, to put it simply, a touch taller, and there was a distinct lack of those approximating their size around.

"...this seems more like the kind of party that your dad would think would bore you out of your skull."

>Pfft! As if! Culture! This right here is culture!

She waved her hoof, grandly gesturing to a half-formed robot like machine made entirely out of spare parts and refuse.

>There's so much deeper meaning in here, Silver Spoon! So telling about the lives of ponies and their creations. Don't you just feel smarter being in the room?

"...You just repeated what that mare in the black dress said."

>No I didn't.

"You did, that's exactly what she said, word for word."

>Maybe I subconsciously picked up a word or two, and it helped me to fully explain what I intended.

"You copied her wholesale."

>...Look, for once, we're with the adults, okay? We're not playing pin the tail on the donkey-

"That is SUPER racist, I'm noticing."

>Or eating overly frosting filled cake, we're not even the best dressed mares in the room for once!... Just me and sexy, again.

"Uh huh. How did you even get tickets to this place? And why, exactly, did nobody stop you from bringing in a piece of heavy munitions?"

>Hrm! I have connections, thank you! All I had to do was imply that I would be interested in this, and of course I was given a set with a plus one! And of course I was given special regard. Why, this whole theme is the marvels and strangeness of science, and I dare you to tell me Sexy is anything but a marvel! I'm a walking piece of art right now!

"You're a walking something alright."

>Why, I could probably become an exhibit, and win... whatever it is artshow pieces win. Ribbons? Do they do that?.... I don't know, I'll try to listen in and figure that one out.

"Uh huh. Well, so long as you didn't blow a ton of money-"

>Nope! Didn't spend a dime!... Not that I couldn't have, I could, I'm super rich, I'm just so rich and well connected I didn't need to.

"Nobody is listening, you don't need to assure anyone."

>Well, they should be! It's not like they let just anyone in here!

'Gad dang, what in the hay is this here thing s'posed ta' be, anyway? Looks like Applebloom after she rolled around in a pile of garbage.'

It was all worth it, Silver Spoon decided. Everything she had been put through, the boredom, the bad dress and the yammering, was totally worth it just to watch Diamond Tiara's face utterly collapse in horror.

>...No...

'Shucks, Ah' could make that. Just gimme a dumpster and some glue and... oh hey! Howdy, Diamond Tiara, howdy Silver Spoon! Oh mah stars, ya'll just look so cute in yer' little dresses, Ya' should know! Ah' didn't know they let kids in here.... nobody's givin' ya'll wine, right? That there better be grape juice or somethin'.'

It actually wasn't, but somehow Silver Spoon just couldn't bring herself to point out that this establishment was apparently wildly irresponsible with handing filly's alcohol, and instead was simply too mesmerized by the red overtaking her best friend's face, and the steam she swore was leaking out from between clenched teeth.

'Well shoot, hope yer' daddy didn't force ya' here, that would just be right cruelty ta' kids. Applebloom would'a clawed her own eyes outta boredom after ten minutes. Heh, feelin' like that mah'self, really! Didn't wanna come here, but apparently Celly wanted me ta' meet with an ambassador for Saddle Arabia here ta' discuss matters, fellers are weird in that they wanna see a show while they talk, and she just plain couldn't make it. Too bad, eh?'

The playful nudging, impossibly, seemed to make it even worse. At any point, Silver Spoon feared blood erupting from her head in a spray of rage and gore.

'So! Yer' not too bored, are ya'?'

The pink fully gulped, swallowing what had to be a lump of solid rage the size of a hoofball down into her gullet, and began to speak slowly through clenched teeth.

>Actually, APPLEJACK, we were enjoying the high class and culture of the room.

'Pfft, more like high cost and funny sticks. Look at this, who would pay eighty grand fer' a dang empty head of a robot? It's burnt ta' heck!'

>Its... an... art-piece. It's meant to symbolize the destruction of pony should they let their cold unfeeling nature take over. Much like the robot.

'...That's made up, ya'll just made that up. Ya' ain't gotta bluff me, DT, Ah' had ta' put up with this hokey back in the day too. Just sayin' what those growns said ain't enough.'

Spiderwebs of veins crawled over her eyes, like claws of red reaching towards her brain.

>It's symbolic, art is interpretive.

'Told ya' so. Made up.'

Little tiny wisps of steam started to rise from her ears, and somehow she seemed more ready to explode then the clearly heavily armed rocket launcher on her back.

'Ah crap, there he is... whelp! Gotta go do grownup stuff, ya'll try not ta' get too bored around here, and iffin' ya' do? There's a secret exit out the back, don't tell nobody!'

She gave a conspiratorial wink, already making her way through the crowd before Diamond Tiara could shoot back any sort of rebuttal.

"...Well, at least she didn't seem to care about, uh... your plus one. So that's something."

As if she had heard her, and thus reminded her of what needed to be done, Applejack leaned ever so slightly to the side as she walked and whispered to one of the passing busboys.

'Make sure she don't have that thing armed or nothin', okay? Ah' don't want it goin' off and hurtin' nobody. That things dangerous.'

She had clearly intended it not to be heard, or look suspicious.

She failed, hard.

"...Uh..."

Ever so slightly, she shuffled away from the shaking, red eyed filly, noticing sparks literally flying out of her teeth in tune with huffing, deep breaths.

"...well, at least nobody kept looking at you after she left, so it's not like-"

Unnaturally, her head snapped to the side, and the bundle of pink and rage glared.

"Wrong thing?... Yeah, sorry, wrong thing."

>...

"Please stop looking meaningfully at tablublu."

>...I'll show you...

That, as it turns out, was the last possible thing Silver Spoon ever wanted to hear, she could now confirm it. Even though it was clearly not directed at her, just the words alone was what she never, ever, wanted to hear.

>...I'll show all of you...

"...So this is alcoholic, right? I've been to afraid to try it, I'm not old enough to drink, but-"

The glass shattered in a tiny pink hoof, and she knew that she had failed.

"...Crap."

>...I'm not a little kid...

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>Dash
"Pinkie"
~~~

>Pinkie?

"Yepperoo!"

>Uh... you used to run a place, right? You ran a whole big thing?

"...once..."

>Did you ever have a fellow worker who was... attracted to you?

"What'dya mean?"

>I mean, like... really, really into you, but you want none of it.

"That's called rape, Dash."

>Not that way! I mean... they, regardless of gender, are REALLY attracted to you, and they make it known?

"Does that happen to you?"

>You know what, I'm not even going to answer that, I'm just going to hand you this envelope of pictures.

"..."

>...

"...Huh..."

>...

"...huuuuhhh..."

>...Pinkie?

"...She's got good taste in clothing."

>Pinkie!

"Oh! Uh.... ask Applejack!"

>What?

"She deals with this with Spike, it's fine!"

>Oh, yeah, right... you don't have to shove the envelope back.

"I really, really do, the longer I hold this the weirder it gets..."

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 >Haymaker
"Glimmer"
'???'
~~~~

>....
"..."
>...
"..."

>...Hey, uh-

"Guards are supposed to be silent, rookie."

>Yeah yeah, I am, but uh... there's something that bugs me.

"If that's a lead in to a really, really bad joke I will kill you."

>No no, nothing like that, more...

"More what?"

>...Is it nice?

"Is what nice?"

>You know... having someone like that.

"...Answering in three... two... one..."

'Honey! You forgot your lunch again!'

*Giggle!*

'Don't you laugh, this is no laughing matter! Food is vital for a feeding mother!... Admittedly she's not feeding with, like, the regular stuff, but still!'

*Plplplplp!*

'Stop undermining me!'

*Hiccup!*

'GAH! DON'T DO THAT! YOU JUST LOVE SEEING ME SUFFER, DON'T YOU!?'

*Giggle!*

'I KNEW IT!... here's your lunch, honey.'

"Thanks, sweetie pie."

*Brbbrbrbrbr!*

'Fine! Fine, we'll fly, but only because I have to get dinner started! I am not okay with it!'

*Fwee!*

'Don't you start!'

>...
"..."
>...

"...Question answered?"

>...Yep.

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>SA
‘Spike’

‘So, that’s kinda the situation. What do you think?’

>…I think you’re being dumb.

‘What!? Why!?’

>Spike, seriously? You’re not even legal yet and already you’re a heavy hitter for Equestria. Even if you aren’t at the level of an alicorn, a chaos being, or a changeling queen, and be reasonable who is; you are able to do things they can’t.

‘Such as?’

>You can be deployed. A lot of the time those guys are either too politically immobile or simply unwilling to get they’re hooves dirty. You can do that. That’s why the A-team was formed isn’t it?

‘Shiny, with the changelings leaving for the empire, and DT off the team…it’s pretty much just me these days. We haven’t been deployed in a bit.’

>…and they still pay you for this?

‘Not for much longer. I think AJ just hasn’t gotten back around to the budget yet. She will soon enough.’

>Well regardless, you’re still very young but you’ve got a broad array of skills most of which will get better with practice. You also have a long, long life ahead of you. I think you’re worrying about nothing.

‘I disagree. I mean you know what it’s like, you married Cadence, your sister’s an alicorn, your daughter is nigh indestructible, and I could go on but the point is, you still feel the need to protect them even though you know they’re stronger than you will ever be.’

>That’s true…

‘And you make it work! For all of my ‘Skills’ I’m not nearly as much of a threat as you are simply because even though you’re pretty much just shields, you always find a way to innovate with that to deal with whatever threat we have!’

>So why not just do that? Master Jeet Kune Doe. Build better guns. Refine your ammunition types. Heck, delve into strategy and team building so that whatever form the A-Team eventually takes you can lead it to maximum effectiveness?

‘…I JUST told you it was defunct.’

>Right. I’m sure that’ll totally stick. Because the tight knit group that formed that team will just totally ignore each other the next time the need arises for a group of operatives who can get the job done without worrying about their positions. Totally.

‘Look, even if you’re right about that, even if I pursued all your suggestions –and I intend to- I’d be ignoring a huge potential. Celestia and the others don’t get their strength from their techniques. Their techniques are enhanced by their strength which comes from what they ARE. Even you.’

>Bullshit! I had to work damn hard to get to this point!

‘But that wouldn’t even be possible if you weren’t a UNICORN. And a talented one at that. Do you think Pommel would ever be able to match your skill with shields no matter how hard he worked?’

>…he might…

Spike cocked an eyebrow.

>ok probably not. But he can still be an effective guard captain!

‘I don’t disagree. But he probably won’t ever be up to your level. I’m a dragon. I need to know what that means. How to use that. How to make my other skills more powerful in conjunction with that. Maybe it won’t make a difference and I’ll never get a ‘winning blow’ or do anything that really turns the tide of a big fight. But I need to know I did all I could.’

>So I can’t talk you out of this?

‘No. But you have helped me think it through and get my head straight.’

>Well that’s something I guess. …You’ll stay for the wedding won’t you? No running off until after the nuptials?

‘Of course not! I wouldn’t miss 77 and Cherilee’s big day. I am assistant to the princess of friendship if you’ll recall.’

>Heh, that you are. …Little brother? Stay safe when you go ok?

‘…I’ll do my best.’

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>Lavan
"Fluttershy"
'Angel'

>Oh thank you soooo much.

"It's okay, you don't need to be afraid anymore."

'...'

>...are we certain about this?

"Angel, behave yourself."

'...!'

>I DIDN'T mean to make every creature in a three mile radius hallucinate the Feverfew-

"Uhm, it's Everfree."

>Feathertree Forest was on fire!

'...'

>How does this make me boring?

"Angel has some...impulses sometimes. You just need to be-ahh...ahhhhh...achoo!"

~COME ON SHAKE YA BODY BABY DO THAT CONGA!~

"Oh no not again!"

'...!'

"Mr. Parrot, shoo, please?"

Flap flap flap!

~COME ON EVERYBODY DO THAT CONGA!~

>...

"...sorry, that happens a lot-"

>I REMEMBER THIS!

"Eep!"

>CHAOS! Oh hurray! Chaos! It's been so long!

"Uhm, are you okay?"

>I am more than okay, Fluttery Butterpony, I have been reminded! I have been reminded of the most fun creature I ever knew! The twisty snake-goat-dragon-lion...D...Diiiisss...Diss Track? No! Noooo...

"Discord?"

>Discord! Ohhhh Discord, I remember him when he was just a little guy. Heh, he was always making things that didn't make any sense, they were the best. I...

"Uhm...you're frowning."

>I...really didn't appreciate it until after I was in the rock...I mostly just tried to set his things on fire.

"R-really?"

>I was not very nice, this...this does not please me. AHEM! But lookit! A big white pretty city! Shall go there and have all the fun! Thank you butterflutter!-

"Fluttershy."

>You have made me think!

"Y-you're welcome?"

Poof!

'...!?'

>Hey look at that! One of my hands is back! Terrific! I can do many things with this, like gesticulate! Or point! Thank you even more Fluttershy!

"It's Flu-oh! You're welcome!"

>Do not be a stranger! Let us have tea sometime! I think ponies like that, and that would please me. Farewell!

Woosh!

"...well he seems okay."

'...'

~I'LL EAT UP ALL THE BIRDSEED THAT YA GOT ON YA SHELF, SO JUST LET ME INTRODUCE MYSELF!~

"Oh dear, come back!"

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>Actarius
"JJ"
'Rarity
~~~~~

'Pardon me, darling, but I've a package for the one who works here. Custom order suit.'

>....Boss ordered a suit? But... Why?

'It seems to be for a wedding?'

>Not the part of this I'm struggling with.

'Well! I'll have you know that regardless of thier funny little magics, my work cannot be replicated!'

Fwoosh!

'... I'm suddenly very sympathetic to certain views...'

"I'll take it."

>JJ, you need to stop taking every package someone offer. You're going to hurt yourself!

"You don't complain when I handle yours at the apartment."

>Well, yeah, but that's me. I know what you can stand and what might be a little too much. You could tear something!

"Bah."

>One of these days you're going to take a package too big, then you're going to end up in the ER with the biggest look of embaressment ever on your face!

'... Have you tried stretching?'

"What?"

'There are special stretches you can do for that. I've never done it myself, clearly, I'm a lady who doesn't do that personally, but from what I've heard it's a lovely way to prevent anything from tearing.'

"You know, I've heard it's all about the oils."

'Oh yes! While I've certainly never used it for that, the spa oils relaxes any muscles I have, makes them feel like rubber darling!'

"That kinda sounds like it would take the feeling out of it."

'I suppose it does numb you a bit, but you're able to handle much more.'

"Huh... I'll give it a shot!"

'Do be careful if you do the stretches and oils together, leaves you a little... Loose, according to mother. She used to handle packages all the time back in the day too.'

"Thanks!"

'Anytime, Darling! I'm sure he appreciates it too.'

>Well, yeah, I don't want him to get hurt.

'...'

>What?

'You would look dashing in a wedding tuxedo.'

>Thanks!

'Think nothing of it! Ta ta, darlings!'

"... She's nice."

>She is!... Dunno what she was talking about, though. I barely know 77!

"Acty, I'm with you, does it look like I understand mares?"

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>29
"MM"
'Zecora'
~Luna~
~~~~

>...There art issues with this training.

"YOU THINK!?"

He heard only the briefest of her calls before she raced past, thousands upon thousands of spiders on her tail.

Literally.

>While thine logic of facing nightmares so foul is sound, tis possible she has overdone it.

'NO KIDDING!?'

He waited for the rest of the rhyme, but it would never come. For she was too busy trying to hold open the jaws of the massive shark-bear mix that sought her flesh.

>I fear we need aide.

~Does thou, truly?~

He took one final survey of his state, at the clawing, gnarled hands and claws sprouted up from the ground that gripped him in every area. Their slimey, disgusting holds trying to force him into the ground to bury him alive.

>...Yes?

~Are thou sure?~

>YES.

~We're sorry, but we cannot directly intervene.~

>REALLY!?

~Welllll-~

>TEACHER!

~...Very well. While I, myself, shall not do so, we shall grant you the means to do it thineself.~

>O-oh!?

~We grant to you, the only item you will ever need to find success, and confidence in thine life.~

>What!?

~We grant to thee... Brand new Silky Smooth LIGHTSPEED XV 2 PANITES!~

>...Wha-

The sky exploded, firing down bolts of wondrous, magical stars. They swirled around the three, convalescing into glorious symphony's of music and light, before sealing away upon them with a mother's gentle touch. When the light faded, earth pony and zebra were caressed by garments both functional and dangerously sexy!

...As was 29, strangely.

"WOOOO!"

With one kick, the spiders became but past.

'YEAH!'

With a flick of her hooves, the jaws were ripped in twain.

>...what.

Those clawing, disgusting hands were replaced with ones far more luscious, and their touches more... caressing.

~New LIGHTSPEED XV 2 PANITES! Twice the softness, twice the support, and twice the confidence booster you need to succeed! LIGHTSPEED XV 2 PANITES, for when the speed of life just isn't fast enough!~

>...

~We needed the bits!~

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>Scientist
"007"
[Nightguard]
{NG2}
-???-
~???~
~~~~~

>Huh... this is not how I thought this was going to go, if I'm being honest.

Seven would have made some comment on that, but despite the fact that he was indeed from a race of mind controlling shape shifting pseudo bug-pseudo ponies, there was one thing that he had still within him. Manners.

And everyone knows you don't talk when you're face is being punched inwards by a hoof, it's just plain not done.

"FUCK!"

The back of the rafter at the top bent ever so slightly when his spine collided with it, but he was given no time to admire the quite lacking indent before a follow up hoof to the skull came from the companion who had been lying in waait, sending him rolling as he headed down towards hard, unforgiving earth.

He caught himself easily enough, his wings providing just enough stopping power to stifle the hard landing just enough he only sort of felt like his limbs were going up into his body, rather than the very literal chance of that happening.

The wind screamed beneath bat-like wings as the nightguard gave no pause or quarter, descending upon him with a flurry of well placed blows from their hooves. Matching and blocking the blows was easy enough, Seven was certainly trained well enough in close combat to withstand this.

Withstanding the roaring blow that hammered into his side while he was distracted just matching the first one, that was a whole other matter.

He screamed in pain as boxes of wood shattered beneath his body and their contents of hay and odd trinkets rained upon him. Thin though the wood may have been, it seemed nonetheless sufficient to tear into his chitin and leave him struggling to get back to his hooves.

>...Aren't you guys supposed to be, like... really good at this? Wow, I have apparently been reading the wrong papers here, because I thought you could wipe out entire armies or... are you okay?

If looks could kill, her entire family line would be wiped out.

>I'm being serious here, and I know how this sounds, but uh... you don't look so hot.

She could not have been stating the more obvious if she had been talking to an ice cube.

Even casting aside the new fresh cuts and bruises, it was painfully obvious that he had not been in good health long before being used as a nightgaurd pinball. His chitin looked thin. His fin like appendage atop his head, withered. Even the hooks in his hooves where the holes didn't quite connect looked a slight dull and limp. Coupled with slightly sunken in eyes and rasping breath, and he made a foul picture long before ever being touched by the strange pegasi.

>You don't have a disease, right?

"...You cannot be serious right now."

>Seriously! I'm the head of the magical biology department, and you're showing acute signs of a magical deficiency. Now, normally this process accumulates over weeks of overuse, but you look like you've been doing it a lot in a short time. Have you been eating magic properly? Because your hair like that means you're not breaking down your magical energy right, and it's actually draining nutrients from dead cells, and-

His mind at first tried to pay attention to her rambling. But, alas, shortly thereafter a hoof was on his mind. Or, more specifically, his temple.

"FUCK!"

The boxes behind him were no kinder than the kin that had been stacked in front of them had been, nor was the flurry of hooves he struggled to keep up with and deflect, never finding himself at any point fast enough or reflexive enough to catch even a single one of the blows, his senses too dulled to keep up. Nor was there any kindness in the hind leg that struck him in the side as the second aerial combatant spun wide, and delivered him a kick to his side that sent him skidding across the ground, leaving behind chips of black in his path. When he finally stopped, face down quite some distance away, he began to regret certain life choices.

"...This is not my day."

[That's putting it mildly.]

The changeling let out a cry of pain as a hoof rammed hard into his spine, shoving him painfully to the floor and holding him there, with only a hint of a twist to make his point.

[Now, you're going to tell us everything you know... or else.]

That twist, and the subsequent point, dug in quite deeper.

Instinctively, the grounded ling focused on the hoof in his back, straining hard to concentrate against it, but found that no matter how he did...

{Well shit, I guess this stuff works?}

The other one trotted around in front of him, idly rubbing the fur atop one of his darkly colored forelegs. There, if Seven strained his eyes hard enough to see, was the faintest hints of something. What that something was, he had no idea.

[Report said they needed skin to skin contact or to hold you in place, guess they were right?]

{Too bad, this mesh shit is itchy as fuck, but now you just know she's going to make us wear it forever.}

There it was, indeed. An amazingly fine mesh, seemingly made specifically to let their fur through near invisible pores and cover up every single bit inbetween, not a scrap of exposed flesh in sight. Even the hooves, now that he could see them closely, were fake. Coverings designed to look like the real deal, with exquisite detailing.

He would have to make a note of this.

[As I was saying-]

He stopped mid sentence the second he saw the horn spark ever so slightly green. Although it fizzled out, useless and powerless without enough charge to light a match soaked in gasoline, it was too late.

The first one lifted him up, the second one punched him in the face.

The first one followed up, slamming him in the side, the second one held him while the first kept on, delivering blow after blow to him.

Back and forth, they bounced him. Not letting him so much as breath or flutter his wings, let alone spark his magic. A savage beatdown that had no pause, no slowing, no stopping until at last he felt hooves wrap around his neck from behind, and a powerful blow land right in his midsection.

He doubled over, the grip behind him letting go to allow him, and his hoof flung over his face just in time before a foul green substance spewed out from his mouth, leaking out onto the floor from the holes.

[Well, that's disgusting.]

{Bet'cha he's not going to try that again.}

His other hoof came up, holding his first hoof in place against his mouth. There was only a brief pause before the heaving returned in kind, wracking up and down his entire body and making him shudder with every new one that came.

[Damn.]

{Does it count as 'overdoing it' if I was actually kind of hoping I would rupture something internally there?}

Slowly, it came to a stop, and the changeling's body stilled in pain, mouth and hoof still glued together.

[Good, now, as I was saying...]

A dark hoof cupped under the lings chin, bringing his line to match that of the hard, wavering ones of the nightguard. Even with his face covered by his disgusting looking foreleg, the changeling's gaze remained defiant.

[Either you tell us what we want to know, or we're going to do it worse-]

It happened to fast to follow.

The second hoof fell away, revealing a hole filled to the brim with a thicker version of that green substance in the foreleg against his mouth. The changeling heaved, a puff of air blowing the substance outward like shooting the wrapper off a straw. Before he could even register what was happening, it connected to the guard's face, covering his mouth and nostrils in what looked to be a solid slime that hardened almost instantly.

And then it was over.

[MMRMPMMM!]

He flailed, hoof slamming hard into his own face, scraping and clawing in a desperate attempt to get it off. Yet it would not, it remained glued to him much like, well, like green sticky glue.

{OH SHIT!}

His companion wasted no time, already moving forwards to pin the changeling down and force him to remove the substance. But in his divided attention and rush for concern of his friend, he made a fatal mistake.

He went forwards.

The changeling slid backwards, underneath one of his four legs. The changeling allowed the other to step on him, just as the one struggling had done before, but this time it was in a position of his choosing. A position that allowed him to curl in his hind legs, and-

{AHHHHH!}

>Ohhhh, ouch... ouch... bit much.

The stallion curled inwards, singing soprano as he lost all feeling in his lower regions, even the weakened hoof enough to deliver more pain than he had ever felt in his entire life to his most sensitive area.

The high pitched scream would end shortly, cut off from the world, but the one making it would not be any more thankful. For the black hoof that had jabbed itself into his mouth very likely had no good intentions to the world.

The world began to spin for the bat pegasi. He felt his legs wobble, his head grow light, everything begin to go out of focus as his one unshielded area was drained, the love itself being sucked out through his mouth in a stark contrast to his normal everyday life.

All the while, cuts closes, bruises faded, and chitin that looked so thin began to fill out, and take on a healthy, clean shine to it.

Only when he could stand up on his own power no more did the hoof pull itself out, and let him collapse.

"Much better."

He spat, one of his teeth flying out from where it had been knocked loose in the earlier fight. But with the guard unmoving, he could at last turn his attention to the one who he had come here for in the first place.

[MRPMMM! MRRRRRRMMMM!]

Or so he thought.

He couldn't help but look back to the other pegasi on the ground. Eyes bugged out, limbs flailing, struggling and twisting in a desperate attempt to get the substance free. All the while, those eyes, they stared to the changeling, pleading, desperate, fear quite apparent within them. The sensation of drowning on dry land enough to bring tears to his eyes as he silently begged for a release of any kind. Though he knew he should turn away...

"...Fine."

He turned back, stepping over his downed prey as he made his way to the struggling foe. When he was close enough,a single bolt of green magic, tiny as a marble, shot out and melted the substance free, allowing the pegasi to take deep, loving gasps of the precious air that had been denied him. He heaved with joy as it returned, and the haze overtaking his brain had gone away. Scoffing, Seven paid him no mind as he continued on.

"Not like you're all that important anyway-"

Click.

Internally, Seven couldn't help but curse.

Maybe Jetset was on to something...

{Y-you... you stay right there.}

The pony he had so callously been walking over indeed could still not move, that was obvious. All he had to do was ever so slightly raise up his foreleg, and the blade just popped right out, and the very tip tickled Seven's throat all on it's own.

He didn't know how durable that charge had made him, but he doubted that meager amount was enough to make him knifeproof.

"...Do you really want to die that badly?"

His own chitinous hoof twitched ever so slightly, and his favored green blades popped loose from one of the many holes, digging its tip into the throat of the pony who struggled to keep his hoof upwards.

"Because I merely have to twitch. At best, you will give me a tiny little cut that I will be able to repair quite easily. But you, on the other hoof, will bleed out long before I start caring. This is entirely in my favor."

[Then let's rectify that.]

Where he had produced that long dagger, Seven would eternally wonder. How he had managed to get so close to hover above him, Seven would never stop criticizing himself for. Why that pony thought he couldn't react fast enough to slip his own blade underneath that throat as well, Seven would not question.

[We're ready to die for our princess, bug. If it means stopping you now, we're willing.]

{Y-you'd better start talking.}

He tensed as blades from both above and below sinking in ever so slightly.

"You know nothing of what loyalty means."

Soon, they all became still. All three having some form of very sharp object placed directly against their most vital veins, and all three twitching as the time ticked on, and it became harder and harder to hold their positions. Three trained soliders, none of them in their best condition, all remaining as still as death as they waited for the other's move.

>Is this a bad time to say I have to use the bathroom?

Waited and did their very best to ignore that, that was. Because they were all thinking it now, and it was starting to get noticeable.

>That's a pity, because-WHACHA!

Her shoe flung off with a sudden kick, landing right between the eyes of the one hovering overhead. Though it was little more than a mild irritation, the pain as it went directly into his eye was enough. It was just enough to make him rear upwards in pain. It was just enough that Seven could slip away from the point of the blade. It was just enough to distract him.

Just enough for his world to become a blue as insect like wings buzzed, and Seven took off into the sky, gripping underneath the chest of the pegasi. He would not stay that way long.

Only one second after reaching the peak, that bat like soldier knew what it was to be a missile, hurled at the ground at gravity fueled speeds. Likewise, on the ground, his weak brethren knew what it was to be hit by a missile of flesh and armor.

There was a painful crunch, and they were still.

Even then, the changeling did not descend. Tempting flames licked at the top of his horn, calling to him as he looked to their downed forms, begging to be released and prevent an event like that from ever happening again. A siren song begging to him to finally give in, and be what he was meant to be.

Yet no flames would leave him, even if he wished them to. Something in his gut held them back, just as it always had before.

>WOOO! Holy shit, that was awesome! Teamwork, baby! I mean you did most of it but WOOOO HOOO! I told you guys! I told you he would kick your ass, but you didn't listen! HAH! HAHAHHA! WOO! IN! YOUR! FACE!

There was a serious, serious temptation to merely brainblast her and remove all information right now, but he would hold off, for now. There were more interesting things to worry about. For example, what were they searching for in regards to him, how had they caught wind of his plans and abducted her at the moment, how did they know he knew of her biomagical research, and...

[Y-you stupid piece of shit... you'd better just kill us now. The princess... the princess is going to know.]

"I should say so, though it will be far too late by then."

Even battered, broken on the ground, the pony was defiant.

[Tell us what your Queen is planning!]

"And whatever makes you think this is about the Queen, and not just me?"

[Your lies aren't going to mean a thing... changeling. You're all going down, from the lowest drone all up to your bitch of a queen, when she learns that your Queen tried to infiltrate the princess's lab. You're all going to burn, down to the last one...]

Something passed between species, in that moment. Two glares, locked together much like they were still now in the heat of battle, fire passing between them hotter than any spell could ever be cast, more powerful than any bomb being tossed, greater than-

"The fuck are you talking about? Infiltrate the what now?"

[...huh?]

>HUH!? Y-you're infiltrating the princess!? WHOA WHAT!? Oh fuck! Why the fuck did you kidnap me then!? Wait... was I bait!? HOLY SHIT I WAS BAIT! Why didn't you tell me I was bait!?

"You used her as bait?"

[Wha-NO! No! We were after her!]

"To get to me?"

>I'm not okay with using me to get to him!

[We weren't using you to get to him! We were using you to get to who you and him work for!?]

>...Queen Chrysalis's real name is Pennypincher?

"No, it isn't."

>That's who I work for.

"Well what the hell does that have to do with me? I don't work for them."

[Because the changelings are involved in the plot!]

"What plot!?"

>The plot I'm being used as bait for?

[YOU ARE NOT BAIT!]

"...I'm lost."

[We're investigating who tried to break into the princesses lab!]

"Oh... what does that have to do with me?"

>Bigger question, what does that have to do with me?

[You made the biomagical decoding algorithm! I told you this already!]

>I was kind of freaking out because I thought I was going to get raped. Why do you need me? I just make the stuff, I don't sell it. You want Shuffles, she's in sales. Go abduct and rape shuffles.

[We aren't raping anybody!]

"Oh, that's a relief... so, wait, you abducted someone to get info on who does sales?"

[It's clearly not on the market in this level!]

>So then go get my boss? He's an asshole, I don't care if you rape him.

[FINE! Who's your boss!?]

>...Now, see, I don't ACTUALLY want him raped.

[WE ARE NOT RAPING ANYBODY I SAID!]

"So then how does this involve me?"

[YOU SHOWED UP!]

>Because you kidnapped me!

[...Wait, that's seriously the reason?]

>We're dating, and he came to save me!

"We're not dating. We've just been hooking up at a bar for a bit, and I got worried when she vanished. Then I found her tied in in a scary room screaming of rape."

[...Not involved?]

"Well, I'm involved because you abducted the mare I've been seeing-"

>Dating!

"-and held her in a scary room and she was saying rape this and that, so..."

[...I can see the misconception, actually, but this is all legal and sanctioned.]

>You can just sanction abducting ponies!?

[Princess's orders.]

>THAT WAS REAL!?

"...So can we go now?"

[WHO! DO! YOU! WORK! FOR!?]

>...no raping, right? Cause like I said, he's not THAT big of an asshole-

[NO! JUST QUESTIONS!]

>Oh... Big Bucks. He's on the top floor, hard to miss him. You can make an appointment if you want.

[...]

>Wow, that was easy!... That it?

The pony looked to her with a thousand mile stare...

And nearly cracked the floor when his head fell forwards.

[...I'm reporting this to princess Luna. Just... I need some time off and your Queen is going to get an earful about messing in official business.]

"Huh... whelp."

With a flick of his wrists, she was free.

"Come on, I'll get you home."

>WAIT!... Carry me?

"...You cannot be serious."

>Pleeeease? This is the perfect ending to one of the things on my bucket list. This is one I was pretty sure I was going to have to pay to pull off.

"...Fine."

>YES!

She leapt into his forelegs the moment he lifted off the ground, and held on as he began to fly.

>Sooooo... got anywhere to be tonight?

"No."

>Good, because... just to doublecheck, you don't have a, you know... that's not transmittable?

"I just ran out of love. I've been very busy today. That's literally it."

>Great! To my place! WHEEE!

"Don't whee in my ear."

>DOING IT!

Silent as the night, he flew away, her clinging to him all the while.

In the empty, damaged wearhouse they left behind, a sound of a head looking this way and that, the sound of a hoof scraping the ground, and an idle, sad sigh. They had their next lead, but one pony needed a minute...

{I wish some big strong pegasus would save me and fly off with me in his arms...}

[For fucks sake, Starburst.]

{LET ME DREAM!}

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

EPILOGUE!
~~~

~Hrm... he am not call us.~

Massive claws raked across the ground. Metal, in a shape quite reminiscent of a griffon's claws, sparked as it scraped stone beneath it. She had been watching, she had been waiting, but he had never called her.

-Him brave.-

~Him smart too, though... this am not smart.~

The thing beside her shifted, sound like gravel rolling off it as it gave a halfhearted shrug.

-Him win.-

~Yes... him win...~

Eyes like an eagles followed him as he went into the distance, becoming smaller and smaller. She would follow shortly, as she was supposed to, but she needed to wait. He said they needed to be seen apart sometimes. This was the time...

~You am know what do?~

-Yes...-

~Good.~

Massive wings unfurled, and with a solid beat she lifted into the air.

~Go to it.~

-Where going?-

~Him say spend time away...~

Two ponies, dark in fur, battered in body, fell into her gaze.

~He never say where.~

They said they were going to report this...

~...Him am not only sneaky one.~

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>Fluttershy
"Rarity"
'???"
~~~~

>...

"Darling? Are you okay? You've been staring at me for a long time. Now, I know my views on Buffalo hairdresses are a little out there, but do tell me if I'm being racist.'

>...

"Fluttershy?"

>...Oh! Hey! That's not me!

"W... what?"

>Your shadow has been trying to eat you for twenty minutes now, but it's not me! YAY!

"..."

>...

"..."

>...wait...

"..."

>OH DEAR OH DEAR OH DEAR!

POP!

"...F-Fluttershy? Come... come back... Fluttershy come back... COME BACK!... Oh no, ohhh no, ohhhh... oh I don't want to die don't want to-"

'You do remember you're an alicorn, right?'

"Well clearly, Discord, but that doesn't mean I'm..."

'...'

"...Did you just prank Fluttershy?"

'I was trying to prank you.'

"..."

'I'M SORRY!'

POP!

"...Once upon a time, I became a member of the most powerful ponies in the world, and yet somehow I'm already out of fashion... story of my life-"

RARGGGGH!

"OH FUCK IT'S STILL ALIVE!"

CRASH!

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

 >18
"Cadence"
~~~

>...Okay, no.

"Yes."

>Noooo.

"Yesssss."

>We are absolutely not paying to sparklefy all of the damn soldier's armor.

"We are doing that, all of that."

>No!

"Yep!"

>Why would we possibly do that!?

"Because it'll make me haaapppy?"

>...You're playing the relationship card.

"Mayyyybe."

>But... but the budget.

"But I'll just be so sad!"

>...

"..."

>...

"...We both know I've won here."

*Turns 360 degrees*
*Moonwalks out*

>...So... this is when I hand in my mare card... now I know how Shiny feels.

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

NC
>DT
“RARARA”

Diamond Tiara sat alone in the gunclub club room. Silver Spoons was busy today with ‘Family Stuff’ or some other nonsense. Still…a little peace and quiet every now and again had its merits…like dreaming up new improvements for her sexy.

“YooHoo~~~ Anyone home?”

>Oh good….

“Oh! Hello there…have you seen Spike? He’s not where he usually lurks today.”

>No. I have not. Also this room is supposed to be for club members only, so if you don’t have an escort please leave.

“Oh now don’t be like that darling! I’ll grant you we may not be ‘friends’ exactly but we have a report do we not?’

>Not really. No.

“Well!...and here I was thinking I’d take this opportunity to compliment you on being so mature!”

Diamond Tiara stopped scratching at her notes for a minute and looked up.

>…You think I’m mature?

“But of course darling! It’s not every mare who can admit when they’re outclassed, especially at your age!”

>…Excuse me?

“Oh, I know about your erm…’encounter’ with Spike back on partyland.”

>What about it?

“Well darling I merely wanted to compliment you on knowing when it was time to walk away.“

>Uh huh…

“After all, what could you possibly offer him over Applejack and myself?”

She seethed at the implication.

“I mean we have power, wealth, beauty and an immortal lifespan to match his own. What more could a dragon want”

<BAM>

Both of Diamond Tiara’s hooves hit the table at once.

>How about a challenge?

“I’m sorry?”

>I said, how about a challenge? I could have given him that. Someone who won’t just be a damsel in distress, but will push him to get better and better in every encounter. When was the last time YOU tried to make him a better dragon?

“My Spikey is fine just the way he is.”

>Then how about backup? Sure you went with him down into the caves, I’ll give you that, but most of the time you wait in the back like the other princesses until things get so bad you HAVE to fight. Me? I’m with him on the front lines Every. Opportunity. With me he’d never have needed to worry about facing an enemy alone.

“Well I-“

>And wealth? HAH! You and that farmer may have access to the treasury and live in a castle, but all those bits and the castle itself belong to Celestia. I could buy him any palace he wanted!

“Now see here you-“

>Beauty? Give me a few years. Power? I’ve got all I need. Eternity? Maybe you can offer him that. But I bet I can give him a better first century. Or I could have, if you hadn’t gotten your hooves into him first! Let’s get one thing straight Princess, I didn’t walk away because I thought I couldn’t have him. I walked away because I shouldn’t have to SHARE my stallion. Or drake, whatever. Because I’m Diamond Tiara, and I deserve his FULL attention. Unlike you apparently.

“Oh! I won’t even dignify that with a response!”

>Fine by me. But you know what? I’ve changed my mind. I was totally willing to let you and that farmer have him until you came in here and started running your mouth. Now? I’m going to take him from you. Because I can.

“Hmph! We’ll just see about that! And what about your…little toy? Won’t the vibrator function get lonely?”

>Oh princess…princess, princess, princess….I would never abandon my Sexy. You see, while I have no intention of joining someone else’s harem, I have no qualms about expanding mine.

Diamond Tiara got up and moved to leave, shouldering her weapon.

>If you’ll excuse me, I have…matters to attend to.

“Game on, bitch!”

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>SA
"Chrysalis"
'Celestia'
~~~~

>Hey, Celly? Have you seen... oh.

"Shhhhh, shhh shhh shhh, just let it happen..."

'MRNHFMNHM! MMMMRHMMHM!'

"Shhhhh... Shiny! Hi!... you know, most stallions when the walk in on two mares on the bed are just plain thrilled, they don't normally have a face like that. Smile!"

>Well, at least it's a step up from drowning...

"I beg your fucking pardon?"

>Long story-BUBBLEATTACK!

From between them, a shield of magic blooped up, very lightly tossing the Queen onto the other side of the bed.

"BLATANT discrimination!"

'GASP!... Oh! Shiny! How are you?'

>Oh, you know, she wandered off for ten minutes, so I got scared she was burning something down.

'A reasonable fear.'

"DISCRIMINATION!"

>Why was she smothering you?

'Vague, poorly explained reasons?'

>Sounds about right.

"SO DISCRIMINATORY!"

>But why are you both in the bed? Fair warning, if pillow fights were about to occur and you didn't invite me, I would be hurt.

'Never!... Not never to the pillowfight, never to not inviting you. No no, Chrysalis here seems to think something Applejack is going to do in regards to her lings is going to be hilarious and she wishes to watch the fireworks.'

>So you say... well, far be it from me to miss a show. Up!

'Catch!'

"OH COME ON!"

>I have to ensure you're not going to smother her.

"DISCRIMINATION! DIIIISCCRIIIMMMIIII-"

>You can stay on this side if you want, so long as I'm in the middle.

"IIIIiiieeeeeh, fair enough."

Shuffling, they all but consumed him with their far superior size.

>...So is this really going to be bad?

"I dunno, but it'll be funny."

'Oh, and to pass the time, any subjects you want to bring up?'

"..."

'Nevermind.'

>...Feel like I'm missing something here- WHOA! NO! BAD CHRYSALIS! NO ASS SLAPPING!

"MY TAIL HAS A MIND OF IT'S OWN!... A sexy one!"

>NO!

"Okay..."

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________