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Swift_M0nkey

Game Show

Jan 26th, 2015
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  1. >The clock chimes as the time reaches two in the afternoon.
  2. >You sip mountain dew from your teacup.
  3. "Any second now..."
  4. >Faster than a drunken teenage whore's plea that it was rape and not consensual because she didn't like the guy, the door explodes in.
  5. >Before you is Fluttershy, Rainbow Dash, Pinkie Pie, Twilight, and Rarity.
  6. >"Hey! That ain't fair!"
  7. >Applejack steps forward past Rainbow.
  8. >"Ya gotta include me! I'm an important character too!"
  9. "Heh, sure you are."
  10. >She stomps the floor hard enough to send a tiny shockwave of what might have happened to your balls.
  11. >...
  12. >Faster than a stupid bubble-popping shitty mobile game gains money after a gay youtuber plays it, the door explodes in.
  13. >Before you is Fluttershy, Rainbow Dash, Pinkie Pie, Twilight, Rarity, and a hat.
  14. >"Ah... damn it."
  15. >Fluttershy smirks at you.
  16. >"We're here to challenge you to another duel!"
  17. >She immediately blushes and looks away while dragging her muddy hoof on your floor like a fucking autist.
  18. >"I-if that's okay with you..."
  19. >So a little backstory here; Fluttershy wants the dick.
  20. >Her friends want her to be happy, so they'll help.
  21. >After a crazy party involving a dolphin show, a fuck ton of prank calls to Saddle Arabia which may result in a mass bombing of friendship, and hotboxing an entire house, you told her something she's never forgotten.
  22. >You told her that if she wins a duel against you at anything, she can fuck you.
  23. >Why do that?
  24. >Not like you can remember, you were too fucking baked to care.
  25. >You yawn and put your tea cup down on the coffee table.
  26. "What do you propose?"
  27. >Fluttershy steps aside and Twilight walks forward, spreading her wings as if to rub it in your face that she now has them.
  28. >She clears her throat.
  29. >"We decided to settle this as any group of perfectly logical equine friends would."
  30. >Suddenly the six of them are across from you and all of you stand on some huge stage with buzzers in front of you.
  31. >A loud booming voice calls out.
  32. >"WELCOME TO FRIENDLY FUED!"
  33. "Wait, how the fuck did we get-"
  34. >"ON THE LEFT, WE HAVE THE INFAMOUS ELEMENTS OF HARMONY!"
  35. >All of them do a pose for the audience you're just noticing now.
  36. >Their name appears above their head.
  37. >"AND ON THE RIGHT, WE HAVE..."
  38. >It is silent.
  39. >The booming voice coughs a little.
  40. >"UHHH... WHAT IS YOUR NAME AGAIN?"
  41. "It's Anon, you fuckwit."
  42. >"ON THE RIGHT WE HAVE ANON YOU FUCKWIT!"
  43. >Above your head appears "Anon Ufukwit".
  44. "Fuck."
  45. >"NOW PLEASE WELCOME OUR HOSTESSES... PRINCESS CELESTIA AND PRINCESS LUNA!"
  46. >Princess Celestia walks out alongside Princess Luna.
  47. >Derpy flutters behind them.
  48. >"...and Derpy."
  49. >They move to the center platform, standing side by side.
  50. >Derpy sits in front of the stand.
  51. >Princess Celestia turns to you.
  52. >"Why are you here?"
  53. >Shrug.
  54. >"You cannot be here without at least four members. It's called Friendly Fued for a reason."
  55. "Well I don't have any friends, so it looks like I can't participate. See ya la-"
  56. >You are stopped from moving by Twinkle Spinkle's purple magic.
  57. >Fluttershy hovers over to you.
  58. >"Oh, don't worry honey, I brought some of your friends from my home over to help you."
  59. >She smiles sincerely at you, making you think there might be a shred of decency still left inside of this twisted shell of a pegasus.
  60. >Then she proceeds to pull Angel out of her vagina, plopping him down right in front of you.
  61. "Of course."
  62. >She hums a small tune and a bear bursts through the wall behind you.
  63. >He walks up to your left.
  64. >As if all this was not enough, she flutters over to the right of you and squats down.
  65. >You watch in disgust and horror as a massive horsecock dildo is pushed out of her rectum.
  66. >It flops out and splurts a little cum onto the platform it lays on.
  67. >You blink slowly.
  68. >This is your life.
  69. >Princess Celestia clears her throat.
  70. >"Well, now that both teams can participate, it's time to get this show on the road!"
  71. >The audience cheers.
  72. >You die a little inside.
  73. >Loona speaks.
  74. >"For the first question, Anonymous and Twilight please step forward."
  75. >You walk around the stands in front of you and go up to the platform with the red buttons.
  76. >Twilight does the same, now standing directly in front of you.
  77. >Celestia reads from a card.
  78. >"What is the best response when dealing with a break up?"
  79. >Twilight slams her hoof on the button before you.
  80. >"It's not you, it's me."
  81. >Celestia turns around to the huge screen with five blank answers and shouts.
  82. >"It's not you, it's me!"
  83. >A big red X appears on the screen and Twilight sulks immediately.
  84. >The sister fister princesses turn to you.
  85. >"Your answer?"
  86. "Get the fuck out of my face."
  87. >She turns to the screen.
  88. "Get the fuck out of my face!"
  89. >The third answer flips around to reveal the exact words you just said.
  90. >Neat.
  91. >Dark horse points back to your side and you return there.
  92. >Derpy, who had most likely been forgotten about by everyone, follows you over with a microphone.
  93. >She shakingly holds it up to you to get your voice louder.
  94. >"S-so how are you today?"
  95. "Shut the fuck up and let's get this over with, I think I feel a shit forming."
  96. >"U-um, okay."
  97. >She moves down the line to Angel who tries to rub Fluttershy's vaginal discharge off himself, but only makes it worse by rubbing it deeper into his fur.
  98. >"What about you?"
  99. >He stomps as hard as he can and gags when it makes a squish sound.
  100. >The Derp Knight steps back a little and moves to the front of the pack where the bear stands.
  101. >"Well um... Bear. What is the best response when dealing with a break up?"
  102. >The bear roars as loud as he can in Derpy's face, sending her mane flying back and keeping it that way due to the saliva.
  103. >She shakes in terror, unable to move.
  104. >Celestia turns to the screen.
  105. >"Show us roar!"
  106. >Roar appears at the bottom of the list.
  107. >The audience cheers, snapping Derpy out of her mentally unstable state.
  108. >She quickly scoots along to Angel and holds him the mic.
  109. >"What is the b-b-best response when d-dealing with a b-break up?"
  110. >He waves his arm to try getting some of Fluttershy's surprisingly sweet scented jungle juice off himself.
  111. >It flies off his arm and splats against Derpy's face.
  112. >She immediately bends over and begins wretching.
  113. >Sailor Moon horse turns to the screen.
  114. >"Spray vaginal discharge, show thyself!"
  115. >The second answer reveals itself to be spray vaginal discharge.
  116. >Derpy finishes emptying her stomach onto the floor in front of you and stands, barely able to keep herself up.
  117. >You ready yourself to be asked again when she nears the three of you, but she moves down the line.
  118. "What the-"
  119. >She stops in front of the horse cock still dripping and holds the mic up to it.
  120. >"What is the best..."
  121. >She takes a deep breath.
  122. >"...response when dealing with a break up?"
  123. >The rubber shlong simply lays there because it cannot speak.
  124. >Sunny D turns around.
  125. >"Survey says..."
  126. >The first answer on the list flips around, revealing the word "Silence".
  127. >The crowd goes apeshit as you barely manage to stop yourself from having an aneurysm.
  128. >Derpy rises to her hooves and gives you the mic, not even trying at this point.
  129. >Too bad you don't really have an answer.
  130. >You fiddle with the mic as hundreds of eyes watch you.
  131. >Well, fuck.
  132. >Just make something up.
  133. "Shit your pants."
  134. >...really?
  135. >Guess you're gonna get fucked by a long yellow and pink futa cock conjured up by Twiggle Spiggle's magic.
  136. >Luna and Celestia both turn around to the screen and yell together.
  137. >"SHIT YOUR PANTS!"
  138. >The fourth answer turns around to reveal shit your pants.
  139. >You slowly shake your head as the crowd cheers.
  140. >Derpy is laying on the ground in front of your stand, unable to take anymore of this bullshit.
  141. >Celestia points above your head.
  142. >"You've earned 3000 points, which is just enough to push this match into it's final stage!"
  143. "What the fuck man, we only did one round."
  144. >Applehat shouts from across the room.
  145. >"Yeah, it's like some higher power don't wanna spend any more time workin' on a more developing story."
  146. >Everyone stops to think about this for a second.
  147. >Celestia breaks the silence.
  148. >"You're right, it does seem a bit strange that we would progress so quickly for no reason."
  149. >She points to the main six.
  150. >"The Elements of Harmony now have 3000 points!"
  151. >The crowd cheers again and you yell at them.
  152. "What the fuck?! COME ON!"
  153. >Celestia smiles and raises her voice.
  154. >"This is a sudden death game, so each team must choose one representative to participate."
  155. >The mane six huddle together.
  156. >You turn to the bear who is staring blankly forward, then to the angry rabbit wringing out his ears, and finally the dildo that has made quite a large puddle for its size.
  157. >Then you walk around the platforms and go to the middle.
  158. >Fluttershy meets you there.
  159. >How cliche.
  160. >Celery and Lunar Lander stand in front of you both with clipboards and pencils.
  161. >They hand them to you.
  162. >Cell explains the objective.
  163. >"You have to write down the answers to these five simple questions. Whoever gets closest to the most desirable answer per question will win."
  164. >You ready your pencil and sigh.
  165. >This is for your virginity, you stupid asshole.
  166. >Loony Tunes speaks.
  167. >"The first question is... What color are Anon's boxers?"
  168. "What the fuck?"
  169. >She glares at you.
  170. >"No speaking, only writing."
  171. >Well whatever, it should be pretty easy to...
  172. >Uh.
  173. >Why the fuck can't you remember this?
  174. >THEY'RE YOUR OWN FUCKING BOXERS.
  175. >JESUS CHRIST.
  176. >Fuck it man, just write something.
  177. >You scribble down dark blue.
  178. >The Super Sadistic Sungod says the next question.
  179. >"While running for your life, you stumble upon a janitor's closet. What do you choose from there to defend yourself?"
  180. >Obvious as fuck.
  181. >You write down mop.
  182. >Fluttershy takes a bit longer this time.
  183. >Luna reads the next one.
  184. >"Yes or no?"
  185. >...
  186. >WHAT THE FUCK?!
  187. >HOW ARE YOU EVEN SUPPOSED TO ANSWER THIS?!
  188. >IS THIS ENTIRE GAME RIGGED TO MAKE YOU LOSE?!
  189. >You write down yes in anger and confusion.
  190. >Celestia goes again.
  191. >"How do you fight a monster you cannot see?"
  192. >You write down a grenade.
  193. >Finally, the two sisters speak the last question out simultaneously.
  194. >"Who would be most likely to rape Anon?"
  195. >You look at Fluttershy briefly before allowing your pencil to hit the paper.
  196. >This has to be a trick question.
  197. >There's no way they would just give this to you.
  198. >Especially not with that kind of build up.
  199. >Hm...
  200. >You look over at the ponies in the Elements of Harmony group.
  201. >All of them look at you except for Rainbow who tries her hardest to look away.
  202. >Fuck it.
  203. >You're gonna get raped anyway.
  204. >You write down Rainbow Dash.
  205. >A loud buzzer is sounded off above you.
  206. >Celestia takes Fluttershy's clipboard and pencil, and Luna takes yours.
  207. >Sun goddess speaks.
  208. >"For the first question we asked what color Anon's boxers are."
  209. >You shake your head.
  210. >"Fluttershy wrote black."
  211. >Luna speaks now.
  212. >"Anonymous wrote dark blue."
  213. >Your pants are pulled down by golden magic.
  214. "H-HEY!"
  215. >You look down and see that your boxers are black.
  216. >The ponies in the crowd erupt with another wave of amusement.
  217. "God fucking damn it..."
  218. >Quickly pull them up to silence the audience's laughter.
  219. >The screen up behind them shows your face and Fluttershy's next to it.
  220. >Below your face is a zero and below hers is a twenty.
  221. >Luna catches your attention with her voice.
  222. >"The second question was what do you choose from a janitor's closet to defend thyself."
  223. >She holds up the clipboard.
  224. >"Anonymous wrote a mop."
  225. >Celestia reads hers.
  226. >"Fluttershy wrote a broom."
  227. >That was surprisingly tame.
  228. >You look up at the scoreboard and see that she has earned another seventeen points while you only earned six.
  229. "What kind of fucking grading system is this anyway?"
  230. >Igoring what you just said, Celestia speaks.
  231. >"The third question was yes or no."
  232. >Alright, this one is just fucking stupid.
  233. >"Fluttershy wrote no."
  234. >"Anonymous has written yes."
  235. >You look up at the board and see that you've gained forty points while Fluttershy has gained none.
  236. >...
  237. >Fuck logic!
  238. >Free points are fucking sweet!
  239. >Luna reads off the next one.
  240. >"The fourth question was how do you fight a monster you cannot see?"
  241. >She reads off the clipboard now.
  242. >"Anonymous has written a grenade."
  243. >"Fluttershy wrote with love."
  244. >Gay as fuck, how do you even fight with love?
  245. >You look at the board.
  246. >God fucking damn this unholy world.
  247. >She has just obtained one hundred points.
  248. >You gained one.
  249. >Celestia chuckles once seeing your expression.
  250. >"Due to the massive landslide, I think we should triple the value of the last question's answer to give Anonymous a fighting chance."
  251. >Thank fuck.
  252. >You breathe deeply.
  253. >If she wins this round, she gets to fuck you.
  254. >Fuck this is so tense.
  255. >Luna reads the last thing.
  256. >"For triple the points now, we asked which pony is most likely to rape Anon."
  257. >Sweat begins to form on your forhead as Celestia decides to read Fluttershy's first.
  258. >"Fluttershy wrote her own name."
  259. >A lot of ooohs come from the audience behind you.
  260. >A one hundred appears on the board and turns into three hundred for Fluttershy.
  261. >Welp.
  262. >Luna holds up the clipboard and clears her throat.
  263. >Fuck.
  264. >Here goes.
  265. >"Anonymous has written..."
  266. >She pauses for a dramatic effect.
  267. >"Rainbow Dash."
  268. >Everyone looks at Rainbow Dash who freezes on the spot.
  269. >"Uh, heheh, I'd never do that!"
  270. >They still stare.
  271. >She blushes extremely hard and glares at you.
  272. >"Look, it's not like I like you o-or something... I just came onto this show with Fluttershy to help her win you over and I ~totally~ won't cry tonight when she has you all by herself! s-stupid."
  273. >Jesus.
  274. >Fucking.
  275. >Christ.
  276. >You look up at the board which shows an eight hundred before turning into two thousand four hundred points.
  277. >Fluttershy doesn't even notice you as she continues to stare at Rainbow.
  278. >Celestia and Luna raise your hands and shout together.
  279. >"The winner of Friendly Fued is Anon Ufukwit!"
  280. >Confetti is fired around your three other so called members.
  281. >The loud popping sounds startle the bear who slams his arm on the platforms in front of him.
  282. >Celestia and Luna release you and turn to the bear.
  283. >The bear slams into them, clawing away like an ethiopian child would if placed in front of a present and told there was a large meal inside.
  284. >Fluttershy snaps and flies over at Rainbow Dash angrily, and all of their friends try to break up the fight.
  285. >Someone in the audience throws a chair and they all begin fighting as well.
  286. >You walk past the massacre of the pretty pony princesses and go to Derpy who groans on the ground.
  287. >Kneel down to her as utter chaos and destruction happens around you.
  288. "Wanna fuck?"
  289. >She barely manages to nod and you scoop her up, going back home to take a shit and have a good time.
  290. >In a way, today was a good day.
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